Metal Recipes: Ov Fire, and Fucking Pigs

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‘Fucking’ is not a verb here, children.

Greetings, Toileteers. Last time in Metal Recipes, we explored how to get a cheap and tasty Asian-ish / fake Asian (Fasian?) noodle dish quickly and with minimal fuss. I’m sticking with the approach of keeping things relatively simple, not requiring any fancy cookware or strange techniques, and being kind to our wallets. My goal here is not to be some fancypants chef showing off, but to provide some useful approaches to food to help us save some money while getting the satisfaction of cooking for ourselves and doing it well. Plus, you can play whatever you like while you cook, which is a big step up from the almost invariably abysmal playlists found in many restaurants. You know what I’m talking about: The Spin Doctors, Train, all that shit that was popular seventeen years ago and still has yet to be consigned to the void.

 

 

This time, I’m going for something that has a slightly higher outlay cost and takes a little more time to make, but will easily give you a [work]week’s worth of dinners. Here is a slightly unorthodox take on green chili, which is a staple in Colorado, where I used to live, but is a rarity here in New England. Done right, this dish can be eaten on its own or as a side, and delivers a deep hit of meaty richness with a nice citrus bite. All told, I think it probably comes out to about $20 total, which for five or six meals (or possibly more) ain’t bad.

 

Normally, green chili is made with pork butt. Factoid: a butt is an actual unit of measure, which means that “buttload” is a perfectly acceptable scientific term to use in all situations, including formal dinners and/or meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time. Anyway, since I only had pork belly on hand, I used that. Some chefs will say that belly is too fatty for green chili. Those chefs are wrong, and they listen to Creed. Pork belly, being that from which bacon and pancetta are made, and being the raw material for samgyeopsal– which is fucking delicious- is a sacrament and is never wrong to use. Pork belly is the Deathspell Omega of pig products, and practically melts in your mouth when prepared properly. It also takes less time than pork butt, which is so tough as to often take a whole day of slow-cooking to properly tenderize.

 

 

You will need:

 

1 ½ – 2 lbs pork belly (available at most butchers and Asian markets)

1 28-oz can tomatillo puree (available in some grocery stores and most Mexican markets)

2 – 3 small cans diced green chilis

1 beer for the stew (lager or pilsner recommended, though I used Kirin and that worked fine)

Plenty more beer for yourself

1 large yellow onion

4 garlic cloves

~1 lb potatoes, preferably small potatoes with waxy skins. Russets don’t work for this.

2 – 3 large dried chili peppers (anchos, pasillas, chipotles, etc)

Whole peppercorns

Salt

Sugar

Fish sauce

Vinegar (I used apple cider vinegar)

1 lime

 

Instructions:

 

  1. This recipe was made up on the fly, and being thereby mindless, must be dedicated to the glory of Azathoth, the blind idiot god. Sacrifice a potato to Him, and despair at the prospect of crawling chaos about to engulf your kitchen.

 

 

2. In a small bowl, mix ½ cup salt and ¼ cup sugar together. Sprinkle generously over all sides of the pork belly, rubbing it into the meat, until the entirety of the belly is coated. Pour any leftovers over the belly as well. Place in a Tupperware container or ziploc bag, and leave in the fridge overnight. The salt will draw moisture out, while itself sinking into the meat, which seasons and helps tenderize the belly. The sugar will help to caramelize the belly when it’s time to cook it.

curing belly

 

 

3. Chill out for the rest of the evening, or pillage and burn until the world is cleansed of those who listen to Sugar Ray.

4. The next day, rinse the remaining salt and sugar off the belly, and pat dry with paper towels. Put a medium saucepan of water on to boil, and while you wait, slice the meat into 1 – 1 ½  inch cubes.

cubed belly

 

 

5. When the water’s boiling, dump the cubed meat in and let boil for 20 minutes. This is parboiling, which reduces the time the meat needs to cook in order to become tender.

6. Rage.

 

 

7. While the meat is boiling, roughly chop the onion, garlic, and potatoes. The latter should be in small chunks, about ½ inch. Put each in its own bowl and set aside, like so.

chopped vegetables green chili

 

 

8. When the meat’s done boiling, drain it but save the water. Cut the cubes into slices about ¼ inch in width.

9. Heat a large skillet (cast iron preferred) over medium heat, then add half the meat. Cook each side about 2 – 3 minutes, or until browned. The meat will spit and pop, so be careful! This is the father of bacon we’re talking about here. When it’s done, scoop out the meat and dump it into a large saucepan or small stockpot. Or Dutch oven. Whatever you have that will fit everything.

10. Congratulate yourself, because you deserve it.

11. Dump the onions into the skillet and return it to the burner. Stir well to ensure the rendered fat coats all the onion. Cook for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

12. When the onion begins to turn translucent, add the garlic and cook 1 minute more, then dump it all into your big saucepan / stockpot / Dutch- oh, fuck it. Let’s just call it The Large Receptacle.

13. Beer time for yourself.

14. Add the rest of the belly into the skillet and repeat step 9.

pork belly 2

 

 

15. Dump the potatoes into the skillet and fry about 6 minutes, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned. Sacrifice them to The Large Receptacle.

16. Remove the stems from your dried chiles, chop the chiles roughly, then assimilate them into The Large Receptacle.

17. Slice up the lime and do likewise.

18. Add your tomatillos, green chiles, a beer, a cup or so’s worth of the pork water (that is not an appetizing term), 2 tablespoons fish sauce, 2 tablespoons salt, a small splash of vinegar, however much garlic powder you want, and a tablespoon of peppercorns. Anything else you like, also; I put a couple teaspoons of gochujang in, for added depth. Stir it all together.

finished chili

 

 

[NOTE: the red things you see are dried red peppers, which are entirely optional. I added them because I like heat and because they were gathering dust in my pantry, aka the cupboard into which I cram more food than I probably need.]

 

19. Put The Large Receptacle on the stove and turn on high. When it begins to boil, turn the heat down to low, and let simmer for 2 – 3 hours. If you lose too much liquid, add more water, but remember that this is supposed to be stew, not soup.

20. Let cool (this will take awhile, so go do something else), then scoop into containers. You should get about 5 meals’ worth, maybe more. I’d recommend mixing a cup or two of rice into this as well, to make it last even longer.

21. Consume.

 

 

  • Disgustache

    This looks really really good, dude. I’ll have to give it a shot. And fuck a pig.

    • Le Tapir The Based

      Pro hint: you probably shouldn’t have sex with a pig.

      • The Fish Boz

        But if you do, make sure to always swing it counter-clockwise.

      • Lacertilinger

        A real Pro would have told @disgustache:disqus to take the pig up to a cliff edge so it pushes back harder.

  • This look tasty. Pork is one of my favorite flavors. I never think about frying the pork and the vegetables and making a stew like that. I hope I can get some of the ingredients to make a Venezuelan variation, jajaja.

    Good work and thanks, Vlad!

    • Herr Schmitty

      MY GOD I had a Chorizo burrito yesterday and it melted my balls off, it was soooooo good. Muy delicioso, burrito magnifico!

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Many thanks! I’m sure a Venezuelan version would be easy enough to make; the only essential part of green chili is, well, the chilis. Tomatillos and pork are important, too, but I’ve had decent versions without.

      • more beer

        You do realize green chiles are not obtainable in most places? The only place to get them at their best is in New Mexico. I`m a state away now and they don`t compare. I still go to Albuquerque to get them. I will be heading there in the beginning of September to visit friends and buy a big assed bag of green chile!

        • Vladimir Poutine

          Is true. But you can make do, if you must, with canned ones, which are widely available. When I have more freezer space I intend to order a couple bags during harvest season and freeze them.

          • more beer

            After 10 years on New Mexico. I am so addicted to them.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Before I read the title I was convinced you’d have cooked a Tapir. Then I realized it was, in fact, a pig.

    • Le Tapir The Based

      Plz don’t cook a Tapir. One of the cavemen said it tastes bad.

      • more beer

        Tell them Tapir pants are delicious though!

      • Lacertilinger

        He didn’t let it rest.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      I would never cook a tapir. Probably.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I hear the taste is exquisite.

  • Disgustache
  • Bitter (Tyree) Debra
  • Pagliacci is Kvlt
    • Maik Bozinton™
      • KJM

        Aww, piggy!!

      • The Fish Boz

        I want to have a couple pigs some day. I’ll treat them with love and respect, and use all of their parts for personal consumption. I feel like it would be the most dignified way to eat their meat.

        Also, blood sausages >>>>

        • Vladimir Poutine

          My folks have tenant farmers and they have the same approach. I must say, their pigs are the happiest I’ve ever seen. And the best tasting.

          • The Fish Boz

            I’ve seen an episode of No Reservations in which a Cajun family got together to drink, play music, dance and collectively kill a pig and cook every single bit of it. Looked like a great party.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            No Reservations >>>>>>

            In general, Anthony Bourdain >>>>>. His guest spot on that Archer episode is one of my favorite things.

          • The Fish Boz

            He came to my city but I never found the episode again.

            It was pretty dope.

      • JW(E)G
      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        Awwwww.

    • Bitter (Tyree) Debra
    • KJM

      Awww!!

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    Just had my usual lunch of Lean Pockets. I’ll have to try and make this deliciousness.

  • DCLXVI

    upstab for Cast Iron.

  • Herr Schmitty

    “3. Chill out for the rest of the evening, or pillage and burn until the world is cleansed of those who listen to Sugar Ray.”
    I can follow these steps! I’m both the hero we need and the one we deserve. Caramelized salt pork and dead Sugar Ray fans for all!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Good lord I love pork belly.

    • Herr Schmitty

      The flesh of organic life-forms is indeed a tasty treat.

    • Disgustache

      I always say that when I die, I hope the animals slice me up like we have sliced up them so that they may enjoy me as I have enjoyed their kinsman.

  • Spear

    Damn, that looks good. I’ll have to give it a try sometime.

  • KJM

    The most authentic Mexican food you’ll get in the Somerville/Cambridge area is Boca Grande on Mass Ave.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      I’ll have to hit that up on Friday or this weekend. I love me some Anna’s Tacqueria, but if there’s an even better burrito to be had, sign me up.

      • KJM

        Rudy’s in Teele Sq is tasty food, but it’s yuppified Tex-Mex for sure.

        • Vladimir Poutine

          Yuppies I can deal with. I’m not a big fan of them, but I work in Kendall so it’s something I have to live with.

          • KJM

            Compared to the Somerville of days gone by, any amount of yuppies, hipsters, and trustafarians is tolerable.

  • The Fish Boz

    Mr. Poutine, you are the man. This looks excellent. Pork is my favorite animal. To eat.

    One of the tastiest things I’ve ever had in my life was the pork belly appetizer in a restaurant called Farmstead in PVD. Apparently the restaurant is no more.

    • prok is definitely my favorite regular meat; but currently alligator is my favorite meat-of-the-month

      • The Fish Boz

        Turtles can be pretty tasty too but I don’t eat them anymore because they’re endangered.

        I never found the name of the place in Chicago that serves pig cheek sausage 🙁

        • Vladimir Poutine

          I had some rabbit sausage last week, courtesy of a well-connected friend, and it was thoroughly excellent.

      • Le Tapir The Based

        Chicken is the only meat I really eat these days.

        • more beer

          I thought you only ate pants!

      • Lacertilinger

        I’ve had crocodile and that was awesome, I guess ‘gator would be similar.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Thank you, sir. It’s pretty special to be complimented by a god.

      • The Fish Boz

        I do my best to praise those who deserve to be praised.

  • new Lynch Mob!!! byah! byah! byaaaaaaaah!!!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=191&v=9Q44pWsKUn4

    GL

  • RustyShackleford

    Actually lol’d while reading. would eat/10 but not sure if i could cook it because my cooking skills are 0/10. Also, OV FIRE AND THE VOID!!!!! Yep.

    • Lacertilinger

      You could do this man, @LobsterAttack:disqus has done all the hard work.

  • KJM

    FUCK YES! Acid King just announced their US tour! Cambridge, MA on October 26th!! BYAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

    • CT-12

      Nice man, stoked for you. WA got skipped over, and my gf’s been wanting to see them for years 🙁 At least I got High on Fire and Pallbearer coming up soon, as well as Bongzilla and Graves at Sea

      • KJM

        I’ll be seeing High On Fire and Weedeater in August, Ghost/Purson and Scorpions/Queensryche in September, Monolord and now this in October, nice full plate of shows to look forward to.

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

          All I really have on my plate is Prong in October.

          • CT-12

            Hell yeah dude, saw those guys last year and they killed it! Might catch them again in December

        • CT-12

          Fuck yeah dude, I want to see Weedeater so bad, totes jelly gurl! Also really wanna see Queensryche again, but I have a lot of other shows I’m going to this year and Queensryche play WA all the time (imagine that) so I’ll skip them this year.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I’m hoping to see Queensryche in my area but Breaking Benjamin is doing a show here on the same day. I’ll have to decide on which show I’ll go to.

          • CT-12

            Queensryche

          • KJM

            Kidding, of course. The choice is clear.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            It most certainly is clear that I’ll see Queensryche. Even though I do like BB that show will sell out before I can buy a ticket.

          • KJM

            This will be the second time Weedeater has played the Boston area this year, pretty cool.

        • more beer

          That`s how it should be.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Damn! Monday nights are a no-go for me. Shame.

    • more beer

      They are at a really small place here too. Don`t you know people who can get you guest listed to shows. I know I get into a lot of things without paying. It`s not what you know but who you know.

      • KJM

        I used to, long ago.

  • JW(E)G

    I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the fact that there’s such a thing as green chilli, and that people actually prefer it over (red) chilli con carne – on individual levels and cultural ones.

    …though I guess I can appreciate this because it’s ‘green’ in name only.

    I will continue making it my way, though.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      All good. I make both, though admittedly green more often than red.

    • more beer

      Go to New Mexico you will get schooled in green chile there.

  • CT-12

    This look fucking delicious right now, which normally would be good, but I’m having my wisdom teeth taken out today and I can’t eat anything up until the surgery 🙁 Also, Sugar Ray fans = HUMAN PIGS!!!! (1:50) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI0S5xn8rQo

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Nom nom nom…

  • OldMetalHead

    This looks really good. I’ll have to try it after we’re done dieting (I can only have lean cuts of meat right now). Extra points for mentioning samgyeopsal. My wife is Korean, so I get that pretty regularly.

  • more beer

    Hey Vlad. I`m gonna stick with the green chile stew recipe I was taught when I lived in New Mexico for ten years. Maybe I will share it with everyone here some day.

  • Lacertilinger

    I will make this sometime over the current winter and report back with results.
    Thanks Vlad.