Metal Beginner’s Guide to Making Metal Song Names Metal (With Examples)

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Like most all things in life (except food and maybe pillows if you’re a bitch), you want your song titles to be as metal as possible. While there are a few ways to go about this, the first step is typically the same:

Use some words that are metal. Some words and ideas are metal, others are not metal. Some are obvious, some are more ambiguous. We will not discuss in detail what makes a word metal. It sufficeth to say only this: that the true of heart can feel it deep within their loins. Can’t feel it deep within your loins? Do not despair, for not all are chosen to be born as we were, with heart and loins clad in burning steel. Dr. Bruce Dickinson performed a C-section on my mother with a rapier and no anesthesia, and after that it went a lot like that part in Game of Thrones where that weird shadow assassin squeezed itself out of Melisandre’s birth canal. If your delivery was humdrum and mundane as the rest of your existence, fear not! Even normal birth is still pretty metal. There’s a lot of blood.

Once you have an adequately metal word, you can stop there and use it as the completed title, or you can think of additional words and put them all together. Metal words in a song title are a lot like mutton in your hopefully bearded face; the more you can cram in there, the better.

 

The adventurous among you may want to take it a step further by removing the spaces. There are certain situations in which spaces are not very metal.

 

 

Those reaching for the far-flung pinnacle of wordcombination may even find the gallantry within to conjoin three

 

 

Another option is to use your chosen words to craft an actual sentence. This pedestrian approach is not generally recommended. But if you must, know this: in the realm of metal you are not obligated to craft a coherent phrase. Incomprehensibility is metal.

 

 

Still having trouble? Do not fear, mortal! This is something even unread peasants and most rappers are capable of: make up your own words.

 

 

See, that word means nothing. But it oozes metal. Actually, I think that’s the first thing my dear grandmother said to me after her ischemic stroke.

(Photo Via)

 

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  • Stockhausen

    0 flushes, great read, would not flush again.

  • Mr. Bojangles

    Mr. Bojangles says this is the most metal song, and his theme for world domination.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qko2HcsU5vY

    • Deputy Dipshit

      Rocky is a certified badass! m/

    • W.

      I vote JFC.

      • Mr. Bojangles

        “when the time is right you will know my fucking name…”

        MR. BOJANGLES

  • The Devil

    This site may very well become the porcelain standard for metal blogging.

    • Between The Buried & Smee

      Right now this may be my favorite metal blog. I tried going to Metal Injection last night *shudders*

    • I thank you, Lucifer.

    • quarter ounce harrell

      I’m home at last!

  • LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN

    I dedicate this ballad to W.

  • Using the above criteria, just how metal is Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5RK5d9rR7E

  • W.

    I think Nile has the market cornered on sentence-long titles. “Papyrus Containing the Spell to Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks from He Who Is in the Water”

    • You can’t even fit all of that on a Magic: The Gathering card!

    • Between The Buried & Smee

      Goregrind bands accomplish it in their band names. Vaginal Penetration of an Amelus with A Musty Carrot is not an easy band to Google.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Don’t forget Bal-Sagoth with their novel-length song titles:

      The Dark Liege Of Chaos Is Unleashed At The Ensorcelled Shrine Of A’Zura Kai (The Splendour Of A Thousand Swords Gleaming Beneath The Blazon Of The Hyperborean Empire Part II)

      • W.

        I’m glad you mentioned them, as they’ll be showing up in a future post of mine.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      How about Red Sparowes’ “And by Our Own Hand Did Every Last Bird Lie Silent in Their Puddles, the Air Barren of Song as the Clouds Drifted Away. For Killing Their Greatest Enemy, the Locusts Noisily Thanked Us and Turned Their Jaws Toward Our Crops, Swallowing Our Greed Whole.”?

  • Deputy Dipshit

    Completely off-topic, wheres Mother Shababu?

    • SHITSONTITS

      I randomly wondered of his whereabouts last night — is that strange?

      • Deputy Dipshit

        Coincidental, I feel like we’re missing more…

  • SHITSONTITS

    This is brilliant. I’ve always thought that ‘Soul Thrashing Black Sorcery’ was one of the most metal song names ever.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-EK0MU9XoM

    This is just a great band name and a great band

  • George Lynch

    How about this song for a title name….
    “Cry of the Gypsy”
    That is right bitch. It is metal as hell.
    GL
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaxBUZYFlhI&feature=kp

    • LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN

      5/5 flushes. There is no crying in Metal. Crying is for the weak and women.

  • SHITSONTITS

    Rednex (a super flushable band responsible for “Cotton-Eyed Joe”) has a song titled “The Sad But True Story Of Ray Mingus, The Lumberjack Of Bulk Rock City, And His Never Slacking Stribe In Exploiting The So Far Undiscovered Areas Of The Intention To Bodily Intercourse From The Opposite Species Of His Kind, During Intake Of All The Mental Condition That Could Be Derived From Fermentation”

    • The only metal words in there are “fermentation” and MAYBE “lumberjack.”

      • W.

        Intercourse?

      • SHITSONTITS

        If we can mix the words around, ‘Slacking mental bodily fermentation’ sounds pretty metal.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Best title ever. Kick ass song too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A398S-z5xZ8

    • Tyree

      I always liked this song title. Also a good jam too.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkzO6ivcJpM

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Calling it unholy is redundant. Semen hammers are, by nature, extremely non-holy.

        • Tyree

          Holy Semen Hammer?

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            Come on. You directly lifted that from my Thor fan fiction.

          • Tyree

            I’m trying to image the art work for Holy Semen Hammer. Jesus Christ has to be involved some how obviously.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I imagine Jesus, on the cross, with a hammer instead of a crotch and Sodomites are cowering at its might.

          • Tyree

            That’s lovely!

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Nice. Still need to get some of their shit.

      • The Satan ov Hell
    • Fromwisdomtohate29

      Great song, but I was always more partial to Ironflames of Hate.

      Any title with the words “Iron” or “Fire” in it will almost always be metal

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        IRON FUCKING FLAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! That whole album slays.

  • Deputy Dipshit
  • Rob M

    Album title is metal as hell too ( Foulest Semen of a Sheltered Elite)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcemTk_jvbA&feature=kp

    • Tyree

      Oh yeah. I can’t believe I got to see these guy. This is the second comment that involves semen; your album choice and my song choice by Archgoat.

  • Xan

    This is pretty metal and it is phallic!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_u6t3xMuAk

  • KJM
  • MickeyMouseWhoreHouse
  • Fromwisdomtohate29

    How about this title? Simple and menacing without going over the top, (though that’s always fun too). The word “ancient” is a good way to go for a metal song title. And the song/band is awesome as well.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQXjvqoY-_Y

  • Bucket ‘o Blood

    Ischaemic Stroke. I call dibs in the band name.

  • JWG

    Alternatively, bury it in a pun:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwr2Uls1kGI

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    I pronounce Max Cavalera king of the “make up your own words” category. Beating classics like “Revengeance”, “Soulfliktion”, “Downstroy” and “Warmageddon” is nigh impossible. And “Jumpdafuckup”, of course.

  • Anthrallica

    Why haven’t I come here earlier?

  • Wulle

    A shit load of word combinations.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1ssawj2kuo