Meet Tomorrow’s Hottest Trending Bands Today

1802
273
Share:

Presenting your future favorite artists of 2016.

I feel your pain. You’re sick of dredging through endless reviews and writeups about bands that may or may not be the biggest thing ever of [current year here]. Fortunately for you sacks of meat, I have a unique inside scoop on what you’re going to love. Don’t ask how.

What’s that? “Shut the fuck up” you say? No YOU shut the fuck up! Because what follows is a list of nine metal bands on the up & up that are going to be the #biggest #trending #bestthingever of #2016 and will make your favorite bands of 2015 look like a 40 foot bonfire of dried elephant shit!

Witchcorpse Acidthrone

WitchcorpseAcidthrone

Genre: doom/stoner | Members: Greg Avery, Jonah Thomas, Arnold Baker | FFO: Black Sabbath, Electric Wizard, dope smokin’

Witchcorpse Acidthrone play a fuzzy blend of hazed-out doom metal with stoner overtones that will have you lighting up your favorite green blend and flipping on your blacklight in no time. Their just-released sophomore album Eternity of Smoke embraces a conscious acknowledgement to the vitality and freshness of today’s scene with a classic throwback vibe to the analog godfathers of metal’s past. Regularly tours with Wizardgoat, Mountain Gray Sky and Grave Moth.

Acidcorpse Thronewitch

AcidcorpseThronewitch

Genre: stoner/doom | Members: Arnold Thomas, Avery Baker, Jonah Greg | FFO: Electric Sabbath, Black Wizard, smokin’ dope

Not to be confused with Witchcorpse Acidthrone, Acidcorpse Thronewitch play a hazy blend of fuzzed-out stoner metal with doom overtones that will have you flipping on your blacklight and lighting up your favorite green blend in no time. Their just-released debut album Smoke of Eternity embraces a classic throwback vibe to the analog godfathers of metal’s past with a conscious acknowledgement to the vitality and freshness of today’s scene. Regularly tours with Goatwizard, Gray Sky Mountain and Moth Grave.

Nano Cloud

NanoCloud

Genre: laptop djent lyricvideocore | Members: Orville Caleb | FFOAnimals As Leaders, Periphery, the Ocarina of Time soundtrack slowed down 800% with 9 string guitars playing over it.

One-man-band Nano Cloud from Salt Lake City just dropped a bomb on djent. With his debut album featuring an unprecedented array of BPMs (ranging from 160 to 162 and everything in between), 19 year old visionary Orville Caleb has graduated from creating brutal progressive riffs in his bedroom studio to creating brutal progressive riffs in his newer, bigger bedroom studio. With a vast array of top-tier gear that would rival any NAMM show, Caleb insists it’s his unique musical vision and tireless work ethic of creating Guitar Pro demos on YouTube that got him to where he is today, and has nothing to do with his hedge fund manager father who owns the largest house in the state.

Staring Into The Bloody Eyes Of My Undead Vampire Prom Queen While Her Lips Betray A Venomous Poison Most Foul

BloodyEyes

Genre: MySpace xXxscenecorexXx | Members: Chris Keeper, Grave Robert, Liz E. Boredom, Miss Anne Thropy, Tigger Mortis | FFO: My Chemical RomanceH.I.M., Jack Skellington air fresheners

Remember MySpace? SITBEOMUVPQWHLBAVPMF certainly do, and they’re bringing back the heady days of the mid-aughts, when a guy named Tom was everyone’s friend, when an $89 digital camera made you a professional photographer, and when sparkle gifs were the currency of the land. Despite its members having only been born between 1999 and 2000, they strongly identify with last decade’s scene of which they have no living memory and are out to revive the classic post-millennium sound of bands like The Devil Wears Prada and Wednesday 13. To stay true to the era, their debut album will be recorded as lossy 64kbps MP3s, complete with buffering gaps for authenticity.

Eight Stroke

8stroke

Genre: adhesive bullet hole stickers | Members: Jed Cooper, Jeb Cooper, Beb Cooper, Tad Cooper, Tad Cooper Sr., Lem Clearwater, Rick Coalminer, Zeke Benjaminfranklin | FFO: Five Finger Death Punch, Kid Rock‘s country material, true American freedom

Hot on the success of their debut album Machine Gun Biceps, Eight Stroke stand poised to decimate today’s modern hard rock scene with a sweaty, testosterone-drenched dose of manliness and their signature “[military slang] motherfucker!” attitude. Despite suffering a minor setback when their outspoken frontman was arrested for attempting to mail a poorly-concealed bomb to “the White House’s chief Zionist Illuminati puppet,” the band’s hit singles Lust For Hummers, Diesel Chug and 1000 Rounds of Freedom Per Minute continue to climb the charts.

Oh! The Daylights

OhTheDaylights

Genre: post-DSBM shoetrancegaze | Members: Flan B’hole, Moz Elbowpatch, Serg Pickler | FFO: Wolves In The Throne Room, Liturgy, the No Fun Club

Insisting all listeners read his 500 page manifesto “Ashen Transcendence: A Tome For Post-DSBM Shoetrancegaze Initiation,” Flan B’hole is a Brooklyn artist that refuses to compromise anything for his forward-thinking music. Last minute live show cancellations are common; some reasons include “improper light/shadow ratio from artisinal whale oil lamps,” “crowd too enthusiastic, shoetrancegaze demands sobbing,” “had sip of non-gluten-free vegan cider, feeling ill,” “unwashed white shirt & women’s pants stage combo not working tonight, need American Apparel dumpster run,” “worried about plight of world’s honeybees.”

[6.91 x 10−27 kg/m3]

DZ-NTS-9F

Genre: stars & shit tech death | Members: STARFALL-5000, GRAVOX-070, EXAPRIME-1, Chad Hastings | FFO: The Faceless, Origin, Rings of Saturn, blue/purple artwork with space worms

Composed of hyperintelligent AI beings from realms beyond our galaxy, [6.91 x 10−27 kg/m3] play the fastest, most technical death metal mathematically possible without access to a singularity drive. Their advanced quantum programming and supermaterial limbs allow them to reach geometric blast beats in excess of 400,000 bpm and sweeping weedlies at over six million notes per second (tabs here). The band’s lyrics are composed as a paean to galactic abominations witnessed on their far-flung home worlds. Guitarist EXAPRIME-1 has promised not to enslave humanity out of spite for its cushy existence as long as people share their bandcamp link and recommend them for local gigs. Currently, they are looking to replace their sole human member, Chad, who they say has trouble keeping tempo in Planck time.

Handshitter Fuck You

CrustPunk

Genre: crust punk/hardcore | Members: Bad Side Meat, Life Garbage, Hot Marxism | FFO: Nausea, Amebix, Trap Them, clothing made entirely of patches

By purposefully filtering their names, song titles, lyrics and all communications through a woefully mediocre translation app, everything about this Osaka punk group is a mysterious word salad garble. HFY’s merch guy explains this is all part of their political stance that language is a manipulative tool of corrupt elitist scum, but their newest album Hors D’Oeuvre Condom Shelf unfortunately is no help in resolving the issue. When asked if their odd name and self-imposed language barrier has had any effect on their current US/Canada tour, their app had only this to say: “The holding of excrement that honors the sustenance. It is agreed. Where have we access to birds? Going there possibly. I penis hell with dearest family.”

Íýðþærzłónörþsk

Iceland

Genre: raw black metal | Members: Ármóður Rød, Vilhjálmur Vester, Hákon Ljung, Eymundur Hög, Finnjón Blå | FFO: Misþyrming, Vemod, winter, perpetual darkness

Making a bold statement to the store-bought plasticity of today’s black metal scene, Iceland’s Íýðþærzlónörþsk are bringing forth a new dark age by living it each and every day. Making their home & rehearsal space on the smoldering black slopes of Grímsvötn in a large shack made of reclaimed wood from several burned churches, the five members have made a blood pact to record all their material onto homemade wax LPs pressed from rendered sheep fat, cod skin, mud and tundra scree. “Ït’s whät thë dårk wånts,” said drummer Hákon, lit by a glowing torch mounted on his grandfather’s tibia. Íýðþærzlónörþsk are seeking a temporary vocalist for touring after current singer Ármóður injured himself by swallowing his bullet belt in the interest of creating more horrific, haunting vocals.

(via via via via via via via via via)

  • Dubs

    This is gold, Jerry.

  • Don’t forget about Wolf Wolf, Witch Wizard, Shit!Fucker, and Yay Military 1-2-3-4.

    • Salvador Dalí Lama

      Wizard Witch > Witch Wizard.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    The two doom bands and the MySpacecore band are life.

    • XD

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I like MCR. I was a scene kid when I was in middle school from 2006 to 2008.

        • Rawr

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I still love a lot of those bands today. MCR and Wednesday 13 are very good in my opinion.

          • x3

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            GAH!!!!!!!!!! Even in the goth scene, Wednesday 13 are considered an embarrassment!

  • El Jefe Ross

    Witchcorpse Acidthrone and Acidcorpse Thronewitch are alright.I’m more excited about Acidwitch Corpsethrone though.

  • Robot…

    You are the best.

    http://i.imgur.com/0mKXcg1.gif?noredirect

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Winter and perpetual darkness? Sign me in!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Only MySpacecore is real.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        *vomits*

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          You must repent! Today in the city of Poughkeepsie born a savior who will be known to all people. He will preach of the scene and he will have thirteen disciples. He will be crucified for the sins of music fans and rise three days later. His name is Scene Jesus and he is the lord.

  • No mention of Satan? That’s so Satan.

    http://i.giphy.com/M0R5wP8S2S9zO.gif

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Flannel shirtcore
    Morrisseycore
    Thickrimmedglassescore
    Ibanezmakequalityproductscore

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I love flannel. It’s so warm.

      • Cosigned. I own no less than a dozen flannels.

        I am wearing one right now.

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          Get a room you two.

          • You cannot tell me you do not own a flannel, buddy.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I don’t like flannel.

          • Somehow I am mildly surprised.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            What?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            l don’t like flannel.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m startled by this news. Where did out little Tapir go wrong?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            From the moment I was born.

          • We are really getting to the bottom of this. Fine work.

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            Same! Flannel should’ve died with grunge, unless you’re a lumberjack (though they dress in women’s clothing, just like their dear mama).

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Upvote for Monty Python

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            I thought you were so butch!

          • those seem like solid reasons.

          • I prefer sweat shirts and hoodies myself.

          • I want to ask you for more detail… but I would be flirting with fire if I did :/

            So I am not going to ask you….

          • But how off topic can you be on what’s essentially a satire post?

          • Apparently poff topic. lolz

          • (shrugs)

          • (hugs)

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Truth…..

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I own flannel pants and flannel shirts that fill up my closet. I also own some polos and the one hoodie I wear in the winter of Iron Maiden.

        • Óðinn

          I have Pendleton shirts. I like them. Good quality, comfortable. Why are we hating flannel? Metal is funny; We get so used to people with exaggerated leather, spikes, corpse make-up, dozens of patches, hairspray, chains, animal prints, spandex, leather jockstraps, hairspray, giant boots, jewelry, bandannas, studs, etc.

          …yet when people dress relatively “normal”, we get pissy about it.

          I mean, I love black metal music, but I’m not going to go around dressed like a S&M enthusiast, with giant spikes and make-up. Some of that stuff is a bit silly. A flannel shirt though, I would wear.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm
        • Ha, I forgot he once had hair.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            He gave it all to the bass player.

        • sweetooth0

          Greatest band pic ever. Frank Mullen literally looks like an axe murderer in this photo. I LOVE IT!

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            My friend Kev said they look like 18th century alcohol smugglers.

    • El Jefe Ross

      Ibanezmakequalityproductscore! Freaking funny.

      • That dude has a banging rat tail.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        “Mom? Come look at this new the smiths shirt I bought! No, I’ll be right down, I’m just posting pictures of my new guitar to *insert guitar forum here*”

      • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

        I never knew Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys was in a band.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Dude, Bubbles is sooooooo much cooler than rattailbro.

          • Backed. Plus he jammed with Rush!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fuckin’ A!

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            I’m saying looks wise. No way am I comparing a pillar of society like Bubbles to Mr. FutureAmberAlertCore over there otherwise.

  • El Jefe Ross

    This is amazing, good job Mr. Cybernetic Organsim sir.

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    Still better band names than half the bands I see on “This Toilet Tuesday” all the time.

  • For my 50th birthday in 2017, both of my Opiate Horror Metal projects(Blak Tar Nekromancy & Horror Express) will tour with Witchcorpse Acidthrone, but NOT with Acidcorpse Thronewitch, cos their manager/agent/dealer/mom ripped us off for an oz of Sour Kush and we still haven’t got our money back.

    • El Jefe Ross

      Can I open for you?

      • Open for me? Aren’t you actually in one of my bands?

        • El Jefe Ross

          Oh, yeah.
          Well can my one man space-drone project, Witches of the Goathead Nebula, open anyways?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            What about my neofolk project that makes you depressed?

          • El Jefe Ross

            Got a name? We already have one nameless band, can’t have anymore than that.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            One fedora per crew

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Says the guy from r/atheism

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Im the one who gets to wear it in our crew

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I’m pretty sure I’m not in the same crew as you are.

          • El Jefe Ross

            Your in the Toilet Fest Crew now!

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Toilet Fest is for sellouts and Metsäkyrpä is no sellout. Good day, sir!

          • El Jefe Ross

            Fine.
            Can i still get the album when it comes out?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            The only way to get our album is to buy it directly from us. I’ll be sitting in a -30 C forest somewhere in Finland with the CDs. Better get your plane tickets.

          • El Jefe Ross

            I’ll be there.

          • Sir Tapir The Based
          • El Jefe Ross

            That song was sublime. I had a little trouble translating it completely, but the lyrics were very poetic.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Tervahäät be one of me favourite neofolk banderoonies.

          • El Jefe Ross

            Very cool. I will check out some more of their music.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Riiiight

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Right

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Metsäkyrpä

          • El Jefe Ross

            Works for me. Ask KJM.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Lololololo

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            He gets it

          • El Jefe Ross

            Oooohhh, that definition.

          • El Jefe Ross

            Which kyrpä definition are you using?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            There’s only one definition

          • El Jefe Ross

            Okay, that’s what I thought. You’re sneaky Sir Tapir.

          • This will play ToiletFest 2017.

          • Yep, you can handle intermission music as well.

          • El Jefe Ross

            Yeeeeeeessssssss.

        • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

          Also, my solo field-recordings ambient BM project

          • El Jefe Ross

            What’s it called?

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Names are for normal bands. The name of the band is a sound inexpressible with language

          • El Jefe Ross

            Hm, right on.

            I think we should let him,, what do you think KJM?

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            We only have one song currently. Its 55 minutes, and our vocalist is a field recording of an eagle on repeat.
            http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IdFxnbZtu1I

          • El Jefe Ross

            Hell yes

          • “Two lines I’ve included in every song of mine ever written “spread your wings and fly” and “you deserve to be a champion.”

            – Andy Dwyer

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            So goshdern ‘Murica it hurts!

          • EsusMoose

            I was expecting to scream FREEDOM, FREEDOM, ‘MERICA, FREEDOM but non-free eagle sounds are also okay

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop
    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I’ll open for you. By them my album Kohoutek will be out.

      • El Jefe Ross

        There’s a line, we already got Blackbeard’s nameless noise and Tapir’s neo-folk.

        • #ToiletFest

          • El Jefe Ross

            This needs to happen. Badly.

          • Time, money, work, and connections. That’s how this type of thing always happens.

          • El Jefe Ross

            I got 2 hours this weekend, 5 bucks, force x distance and a couple aux cables to spare. Will that work?

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Ill throw in tree fiddy, and the use of my cell phone that i recorded my 55 minute opus on

          • El Jefe Ross

            Shit yeah! Thanks for the support Blackbeard! I think we can get this going.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Np, my stage setup is p easy, i just pipe my phone thru the pa and do my interpetive dance on stage

          • Waynecro

            Need a slide-whistle player for that dance?

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            We can add your track to my cell phone and we could lift weights on stage

          • Waynecro

            Nice. Who wouldn’t want to experience that?

          • El Jefe Ross

            Solid. Thats a better setup than my one man band.

          • I got maybe a ft of snow coming, a few bowls, some fried chicken, its dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. HIT IT.

          • El Jefe Ross
      • El Jefe Ross

        Change of plans, it’s a fest now. You’re on board.

    • El Jefe Ross

      I think we should look in to doing a full on festival.

      • One of several Powerball fantasies would be to put together my own Stoner/Doom/Sludge fest.

        • El Jefe Ross

          Oh yes.

    • Waynecro

      I might be able to reunite my grind project Buttgasm for this. If Buttgasm won’t do it, its spiritual successor Assgasm probably will.

      • El Jefe Ross

        Bring it!

        • Waynecro

          Buttgasm/Assgasm is one of the only bands to get an episode of Behind the Music without ever having recorded or played a single song. True story.

          • El Jefe Ross

            I’ll have to watch it then.

          • Waynecro

            It’s hard to find because, appropriately, it never aired. A video crew showed up and drank 40s with the band, so we know it exists.

          • El Jefe Ross

            Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i might not be able to find it then.

          • Waynecro

            I bet a bunch of virus-riddled Russian torrent websites have it.

          • El Jefe Ross

            I try to stay away from those. The secrets of Buttgasm will remain unknown to me.

            Until they play at Toilet Fest.

          • Waynecro

            That’s probably a good idea. Ransomware is serious business.

  • Damn.

    “After years of intense bootlegging, Sarcofago has finally received an official release containing all of their demos. DIE HARD is the only official account of Sarcofago’s demo material. It contains all of the band’s official demos. It includes material that had never before been made available, such as the band’s very first demo recording, going through demo material recorded for “Rotting” and “The Laws of Scourge.” This 6-panel digipak CD includes a 16-page booklet and was manufactured in Brazil by Cogumelo Records.”

    http://store.greyhazerecords.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=375

  • ““The holding of excrement that honors the sustenance. It is agreed. Where have we access to birds? Going there possibly. I penis hell with dearest family.””

    Maximumlolz

  • Dubs

    I get the feeling those MySpacecore kids are responsible for a lot of the nihilism memes floating around.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Thin Lizzy is doing reunion shows this year and next year to celebrate Phil Lynott and the Jailbreak album. The line up is the lineup that formed Black Star Riders with special guest Mikkey Dee of Motorhead.

    • El Jefe Ross

      Bad ass.

    • Now if it would just come to your area, it would be a quadruple-winner chicken-dinner.

      <3

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I hope it does.

  • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

    Eight Stroke, coming soon to a federal bird sanctuary near you. Donations of candy, cigarettes, tampons, blankets and gummi dicks required.

    • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

      Someone mailed them a 55 gallon drum of lube

      • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

        To Eight Stroke or the Bundy Ranchers? The comedy gold in sending it to Eight Stroke would be endless!

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Cards Against Humanity, right?

  • COAL ROLL

    I dig the satirical content CyBro

    • Stockhausen

      Haha yeah I totally knew this was satirical before now, hahaha! *sweats nervously*

    • El Jefe Ross

      Wait, this is satire?

      • Impossible! I’ve already booked the shows for 2017!

        • El Jefe Ross

          And I’m on the bill! Shit, i thought this was happening.

  • Stockhausen

    I heard Connor McSads is doing a guest spot on O!tD’s next stop in Seattle. They’ve already canceled the show since the vegan water fountain was removed from the venue, but I still got tickets.

    • Dubs

      I hope you got your tickets from the organic, non-GMO fair-trade distributor.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      RIP Connor McSads, vegan water connoisseur

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • Holy fuck. This was still a thing!?!?

    • I have never sat through a single episode of this show.

      • Painful! I made it through one once. I think Dave Mustain was on it. Horrible.

        • Dubs

          It’s terrible. I watched it a handful of times when staying with my folks over the holidays, but I don’t think they ever once talked about a metal release dropped after 1990.

          • Oh you are spot on about that! It’s all because of Trunk. I’ve seen the one other dude sport death metal shirts before.

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            He interviews Butcher Babies quite a bit, which, um, yeah. Boobs.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            He’s the Blabbermouth of music tv shows?

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            More like the Mancow of music tv shows.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Ugh, fuck that. Speaking of Mancow, he and his shit-kicking bible-thumping used car salesman of a brother have a tv show. It will make you want to die.

            http://images.zap2it.com/assets/p10027613_b_h3_ab/god-guns-and-automobiles.jpg

          • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

            Why Howard Stern hasn’t sued him into oblivion 15 or more years ago is beyond me.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I.E., the VH1 definition of metal

        • Even my more traditional/blues rock oriented musician friends commented at times that it didn’t seem very Metal to them at all.

    • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

      Lol, connection error when I tried to read it, so I’m guessing we’re finally rid of Eddie Trunk.

  • JWEG

    I’m pretty sure I see a guy in that scenecore band photo, but I cannot decide whether or not there are two. Ergo, it will be a very very successful scenecore band.

  • RJA

    “the five members have made a blood pact to record all their material onto homemade wax LPs pressed from rendered sheep fat, cod skin, mud and tundra scree.”
    Limited to how many copies?

    • El Jefe Ross

      5, one for each of their mothers.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Just one, but it’s not for sale and will be destroyed the moment it’s finished.

  • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

    Not quite sure if the first two are actually the same band. Is this like a KMFDM/MDFMK sorta deal?

    • El Jefe Ross

      Nah man, two different bands completely.

      • Hammerdong Von Spookypoop

        LMAO, I’m fairly sure that one band isn’t from Iceland, unless they purposely went for complete gibberish for a name. Their name means absolutely nothing in Icelandic, and even the word structure isn’t Icelandic. Probably more like guys from the iciest depths of south Florida.

  • That GuitarPro comment stung 🙁

  • Guppusmaximus

    I wonder if those patriots in Eight Stroke belong to the Tea Bagging Party?

    I needed this laugh today. Great article m/ m/

    • CyberneticOrganism

      They’re part of the “people send us 55 gallons of lube because we suck” party

  • Waynecro

    Clearly, [6.91 x 10-27 kg/m3] is the best tech-death band that doesn’t rely on telepathy and multidimensional rifts to transmit music to fans.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Melange Metal

      • Waynecro

        This was a really awesome article, dude. Thanks!

  • Dagon

    This was top kek. I may or may not have written one or twelve paragraphs exactly like the first two blurbies.

  • this is one of the funniest thing to ever become published on the Internet.

  • dr.derelict

    Grave Robert… That’s good shit.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    5/7

  • Found Íýðþærzlónörþsk’s demo in a bear skull in the midst of a glacier under the lights of the aurora borealis. It’s better than the official debut album, which sounds too producedy.

  • Eliza

    Can’t decide between Witchcorpse Acidthrone or Acidcorpse Thronewitch.

    • Bossicus thee Rossicus

      Both bands are shit compared to Acidwitch Corpsethrone.

      • Eliza

        Who dares to say doom bands’ names are unoriginal?

        • Bossicus thee Rossicus

          Right? They’re totally original.

          • Eliza

            And not repetitive.

  • You fucking killed it, Meatbot.