Mark Zuckerburg Wants You (to Join the ToH Facebook Group)

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Directly following the creation of the Toilet ov Hell, Mark Zuckerburg flooded the ToH email with messages from his personal account, obviously fearing his competition in the booming upstart of Myspace and the much more “in-vogue” Vinbook, humbly begging for our business. When our inbox was no longer able to accommodate the sheer magnitude of his desperate pleas, we finally obliged and created the Toilet ov Hell Facebook Group. He was so excited to work with us that he peed all inside his little entrepreneur pants.*

It’s a win-win, really. Zuckerburg (we call him “Z-man”) got the jump on his competition and scored the allegiance of ToH’s vast community, and we’ve found a nice little home wherein we can interact outside of the blog in his little project. It’s a place where the readers, writers, and editors can share new music, old music, metal news, non-metal news, personal bands/projects, make fun of each others’ taste, and pretty much whatever else.

Here are just a few fulfilling activities that you’ve missed out on in during this week alone:

  • Tons of great new music not featured on the blog. Like this, for example:

  • Tons of interesting news not featured on the blog.
  • Info on record label sales.
  • A thread for sharing pictures of your pets.
  • Discussions about Fallout 4.
  • Good-ass jokes.
  • Drawing tattoos on Jack Bauer’s face with Microsoft Paint.
  • Fan-fiction for Jack Bauer’s date.
  • Otherwise fucking with Jack Bauer.

 

Click this link right here to join the group.

One more thing. If you like the Toilet ov Hell, go click “like” on the Facebook page. It’ll keep you updated with new blog posts and fresh news. We’re trying to get to 1,000 likes. Once we do, W. has promised to send a signed photo of himself eating a banana to all 1,000 of you. Tell your friends.

 

Based on a true story.

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  • Guacamole Jim

    Let it be known I’ve seen W. eating bananas before all you plebs, for I am beloved by the Toilet overlords (except for Joe who hates me with a fiery passion [actually, Masterlord might hate me too, now that I think of it]). Anyway, I’ve already joined the group, and it clogs my wall with more interesting shit than any of my Edmonton friends post, so I say it was worth it.

    • The W.

      Both of them hate you.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Damn. This is why I keep getting downvotes.

        • J.R.

          There ya go buddy. Stay strong

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      Ah, Edmonton. Murder capital of Canada. Joe’s killing method if that he fills people with guac until they burst.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Wat

        • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

          I heard Edmonton had the highest murder rates in Canada. Was I misinformed?

          • Óðhinn

            I’m fairly certain it’s Winnipeg. However, what’s north of Edmonton, Canada’s infamous tar sands, has the potential to kill millions.

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Northern Canada seems like a miserable place.

            And I assume that of course these tar sands are humans’ doings. What a fucking idiotic species. How do we not consider how this will affect our quality of life, as well as other species? I used to think Cattle Decap’s lyrics were pessimistic outlooks for the sake of their extreme music, but I’ve seen over the last two years that we really are doomed.

          • Guacamole Jim

            No, you’re not wrong. We did for a while, at least. I was just wondering it the latter half of the statement, not the former.

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Since Edmonton is the murder capital, or was, I was suggesting your method of murdering people was to fill them with guacamole before they bloated to the point of bursting and died.

  • nbm02ss

    You’ve convinced me.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Good man. Or woman.

      • nbm02ss

        I’mma dude.

        Seriously, I need something, ANYTHING, in my FB feed besides more Caitlyn Jenner.

        Actually, it’s more about the people bitching about the Caitlyn Jenner coverage, but I digress.

        • Just wait until it comes out that Josh Duggar molested Caitlyn Jenner. Facebook will tear at its seams.

          • IfJthenS

            I want the Onion to get on this and for CNN and Fox News to report it as fact so we can get two very different sides of an equally fake story. You know, because my popcorn isn’t going to eat itself.

  • The W.

    The banana part is true. Must push tiny cart.

  • Headed to a meeting but I’ll approve all Facebook requests in about 2 hrs.

    • 8========D ~~~

      • That’s a paddlin’

        You’re really fond of this aren’t you.

        • Guacamole Jim

          I’m really fond of you.

          Come see my scrapbook.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Damn, everyone’s got a scrapbook these days? I need to get in on this shit.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I’ll send you n00dz so you can make one of me.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Shit’s going way too fast! I need an adult!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Here I am.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Mrs. Guacamole, you’re trying to seduce me.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Is it working?

            I’m so lonely

          • Herr Schmitty

            Step 1: Go to Craigslist: Edmonton.
            Step 2: Post skateboard wipeout Butt selfie.
            Step 3: Find least creepy invitation.
            Step 4: Fornicate!

          • KJM

            STRANGER DANGER!!

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Rule 101: never upload your face to the internet. Someone, somewhere will masturbate to it.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            You would have to be extremely fucking kinky to fap to my face.

          • That’s a paddlin’

            Only if we can have butterscontch for tea with it.

  • Can confirm. Just beware of the coral

  • Keegan Lavern Still

    I only just realized (for the umpteenth time) that I’ve missed so much on the main site and I’m ashamed of myself for it. Upon this repeated revelation, I shall go weep in my car.

  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    I’m on my date. I’ll be back here as soon as it’s over with how it went.

  • Leif Bearikson

    And lots of selfie threads, most of which involve masks and/or drums.

    • Guacamole Jim

      And alcohol.

      • Leif Bearikson

        SO much alcohol.

        • Herr Schmitty

          Most Tai-ri photo posts involve alcohol in some capacity: They were made while under the influence of alcohol, they feature prominent displays of alcohol, or even some of the negative poisonous effects of alcohol.

          In summation, alcohol.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Tairi probably comprises about 50% of the Toilet’s collective alcohol consumption.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I honestly strive to emulate his output. I prefer the greens to the grains, so I gotta figure out a way I can match him without also fucking myself over. I may have some ideas.

          • KJM

            I’ll happily consider myself the “Green Standard” when it comes to that type of consumption.

          • I’d login under the influence of fungus but it would be a major chore to use da ps2 keyboard and mouse.

          • more beer

            The wonders of hallucinogens!

    • Scrimm

      I just thought of that giant mask thread from way back.

      • Leif Bearikson

        It was trvly glorious

  • if Ellipsis can join, so can you!

    • On The Sundae Of Life…

      I died a little on the inside, but it’s been fun so far…

  • W will go bananas if you join the group.

  • Hey! Selfie friday with the newcomers tomorrow, friends?

    • nbm02ss

      I would, but I might break the camera on my phone.

    • remember the headbang competition? dat was fun

      • Guacamole Jim

        Or the time we all took videos of ourselves and pretended to cry?

        • Jajajaja, that was best.

          • J.R.

            Wait these happen?
            So conflicted!

          • I don’t they’re too much random 😛 But it’s awesome! We share our selfies and have a good laughs.

          • J.R.

            I feel inspired to share images now.
            Look at this eagle my father bought. What a crazy man.

          • Dubia approved.

      • Scrimm

        Good times.

    • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

      Selfies? That might be a deal breaker.

      • No, you have to do it good:

        “Selfies? That’s a paddlin'”.

        • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

          Not leaving the paddlin’ to That’s A Paddlin’? You better believe that’s a paddlin’.

  • That’s a paddlin’

    You forgot to mention the extensive threads making fun of Joe’s super-tiny hands.

    • Herr Schmitty

      The word minuscule comes to mind.

  • nbm02ss

    Is there a beer discussion on the FB group? If not, there should be.

  • INDUBITABEARD

    Alas, I cannot rejoin the failbook. My vow has gone almost 3 years strong now.

    • Guacamole Jim

      You and the Tapir can stay here and be pure together, hipsters

    • i broke mine. i just add Toilet people. flush real-life friends.

      • Yeah, flush those infidels bastards.

      • INDUBITABEARD

        I never thought I’d have more discipline than . . . well . . . anyone, really.

        • Guacbuttz 24/7

          • Guacamole Jim

            All I do, I do for the good of the Toilet.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        I SUPPORT THIS..WHOLE FUCKIN HEARTEDLY!

        • and FYI everybody, TDTR is my best friend on FB so the best you could do is #2

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            YOU’RE MY GUY TOO BRO…(SORRY-GROG GOT ME CAP CRAZY TONIGHT)

          • more beer

            The wonders of beer!

          • Scrimm

            Ah shit.

    • ToH needs a LinkedIn page for us business professionals.

      • I’m expert in spanglish. Hope a good foreigner enterprise hook me up to teach some half-elf language.

        • tertius_decimus

          Jajajajaja!

      • JW(E)G

        Last year I mentioned on Facebook that I had a LinkedIn page – in the context, naturally, of a way for current and former work and school colleagues to connect to me more meaningfully.

        One of my work colleagues who hadn’t already done so (out of a possible 30) added me to their LinkedIn network…

        ….As did a half dozen (and counting) of my non-immediate family members

        http://static.elmeme.me/static/uploads/images/2015/05/89227/89234_subitem_full.gif

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Linked In, for people who clip phones to their belts.

    • I reluctantly joined and made a joke account. Everybody wished me a happy B-Day in May but this was also part of the joke. Definitely understand why you wouldn’t join though.

      • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

        I hid my birthday and locked my wall. There will be no wishing happiness on days of birth on my assnovel page!

        • Wrote an assnovel once. Wasn’t anywhere near as good as all my dicknovels.

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            Gotta invite the International League of Assmen. They can help with that assnovel.

          • Noooooooot a team player. (Grim scowl. Grimscowlnovel.)

          • Óðhinn

            Any affiliation with The League of Extraordinary Assmen?

          • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

            No, but they do share some members from the Unspeakable League of Couch Fuckers.

    • KJM

      Me too.

    • more beer

      Almost as good as my vow. Which has been since it`s inception until i`m dead.

    • Lacertilian

      I went about 5 years or more until this page.
      Fuck it man, it’s worth it.
      We miss your beardedness

  • A young Venezuelan tried to swap his digital bolívares for merol in this place. First you’ll be shocked, then you’ll be inspired ->>>> https://www.facebook.com/groups/1014799438545488/

    • KJM

      “Pssst! Hey, kid! U wanna buy some riffz?!”

      • more beer

        Whaddya got Kirk`s phone?

  • <3

  • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

    Fine, I’ve put it off long enough. Prepare for a picture of my ugly mug, it may kill all those who gaze upon it.

  • Tyree

    Album rules. Second day sharing it now. Can’t get enough of the Satanic thrash attack!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpXCz1ggq_Q

  • Hey, start to registering in Red Patria, the Venezuelan FB alternative if it’s get banned in my country. Have some pity for me, plox 🙁

    https://redpatria.org.ve/?page=1

  • Disgustache

    You may have married my mom but you’re still not my real dad! I’ll never do what you say!!

  • Jormungandr

    You mean I might need to join Facebook? But there are people on there!

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    new times—
    (all 3 at once–full vol)
    https://youtu.be/NoAzpa1x7jU

    -https://youtu.be/PSJub1A1aIk

    -https://youtu.be/EmUvTH7sveg

  • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

    Do I cross the final frontier?

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    (both at once–full vol)
    -https://youtu.be/g44UuRp7D-g

    https://youtu.be/QuQjoC0XSAM

    • Tyree

      Who are you? That’s deep right?

      • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

        i’m jesus christ

        we have been waiting to eventually get a chance to say hi–
        000
        you are the “tyierre” foretold as the eventual unifier–of Israel–and the people of the southern united states

        for as the jew were supposed to wander the earth—until they resettled in Israel—->the southern americans,,are the first people that Israel have met—in their “post wandering” phase
        the beginning of the end of mosaic punishment—-for all god’s children
        00
        this vid is–
        a celebration—that in America—-6/4/15—people on the internet–in freedom
        pointed their finger at Rockefeller/black op propagandists–
        and said —“fuck you”—

        though u.n. cyber forces illegally threatened the shit out of people—to where dissent was almost completely intimidated—–
        freedom prevailed—-god bless the u.s.a

        human family > tv intimidation/lies

        a subject that is not just “deep” but also wide—and connected to great 4th dimensional qualities–that are only partially understood-in science

        a tip of an “time iceberg” that is connected to an eternal moment—that is celebrated –for a thousand years

        the end of the 911 false flag attack intimidation—and the eventual installation –of a reorganized u.n.—with fair checks and balances on power—and the end of false flag attacks

  • Óðhinn

    I don’t have anything against the Toilet ov Hell Facebook group. However, this is an interesting documentary that addresses some of the privacy issues surrounding Google and Facebook. It’s a good documentary too. I imagine that (unlike me) most of you are on Facebook already, and don’t have any privacy concerns, and that’s okay too.

    http://youtu.be/MMZmaNCN7AA

    • more beer

      I`m not on there either. I don`t like putting all of my business out in public like that. Anyone I`ve wanted to stay in touch with I have. It seems like it`s always the ones you never want to hear from again, are the ones who try and friend you there.

  • Óðhinn

    For fuck’s sake. What the hell is wrong with people? Would you send somebody to jail for cheering at a high school graduation ceremony?

    http://www.salon.com/2015/06/03/black_family_charged_after_cheering_at_a_mississippi_high_school_graduation/

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      I would send people to jail just for existing.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        You wouldn’t send me to jail.

        • Sir Tapir the Based

          You wouldn’t download a car.

      • Óðhinn

        Upvoted for honest misanthropy.

    • if you ever need more reasons to be fed up with humans, read the comments after articles like that one…

      • Óðhinn

        No kidding. A perfect example; Reading the comments a MetalSucks today made me sick.

  • Lacertilian

    Deactivated my FB account about 5 years ago, swore never to return.
    Through the persistence of certain people here I rejoined just for the TovH and fuck me if it isn’t worth it.
    More music, fun times and piss-taking all round.
    If you have to, make a fake name or whatever, who gives a fharc.

  • pïgchop™