Marilyn Manson – The Pale Emperor

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[quote]I wanted to try something new… something that’s never been done before, I want to push boundaries.  I’m an artist, an actor, a poet; but music is my priority.  ‘The Pale Emperor’ is going to change the way people experience music.  The fans are going to get a combination of genres that sound impossible to mix.[/quote]

-Brian Warner / Mar1lyn Man5on (this isn’t an actual quote)

Hello flushers, Detective McNulty checking in for duty. Since I suffered through Slipknot’s newest effort and In This Moment’s time capsule that they buried in 2001, why not review the new Marilyn Manson? I asked Papa Joe to put me on the case and he said “Yes, I will make sure that everyone else doesn’t cover this.”

marilyn_1

So what can be said about Marilyn Manson? He has a few good albums under his belt (does he? cause I honestly don’t know). And of course he turned in a phenomenal role in Bro’s of Anarchy, showcasing acting skills that we all knew he had been holding back all this time. I read on Wikipedia that he’s been putting out music since 1994, something I can fact check at least the first few years because in high school I was hanging with the skater kids and they used to listen to Marilyn Manson. As an attempt to fit in with the “skaters” I purchased Mechanical Animals in 1998… and it was great! He did a fantastic job with his tribute to David Bowie-esque glam rock (I’m not joking, it’s a great arena rock album that puts it down to this day)! And then every couple of years, some metal blog would post updates about a “new album” and I’d listen and chortle to myself and think, “Good luck to this guy, I wonder if he knows his fans are like 35 now.”

Come 2014 and the metal blogosphere is sharing with us a new tune: “Third Day of a Seven Day Binge” (video below)! “This isn’t terrible,” I think to myself. I hear hints of Americana: southern-style guitar licks that aren’t even close to metal, some rhythmic clapping like you’re sitting in an old saloon, and depressing introspective lyrics. Odd for an artist like Marilyn Manson; this album could be good! Months later we are treated with a new tune, “Deep Six” and Holy Moly, it’s GREAT.  Overall, a slick pop tune with disco-style drumming, industrial riffing like the Manson of old, and killer catchy hooks! “I can throw away all judgment and just enjoy this great pop tune!” was my reaction at the time. But then something changed…

So of course I decided to review the album for Toilet ov Hell!  Upon hearing the first track “Killing Strangers”, I started hoping that I was one of the strangers in question.  Metalsucks described it perfectly: “The White Stripes on NyQuil.”  Simplistic drumming that could easily be mastered by anyone who’s played 15 seconds of drums on Guitar Hero.  Tambourines. Oh yeah, the lyrics… Manson’s definitely bringing the angst here with lines like: “we’re killing strangers, so we don’t kill the ones who we love.” Or how about “we got guns… motherfuckers better run”? Dang, such edge, wow. Gather them disenfranchised teens, bruh!

marilyn_2

I can’t help but wonder if he thought he’d succeed by mixing [what he thought sounded like] Tom Waits, Johnny Cash, White Stripes, and just the disco/industrial elements of his old albums.  Let me clarify here: there is nothing even approaching the genius of Tom Waits on here, but I could easily envision him listening to Tom Waits, completely misunderstanding and thinking, “I got this. I see what he’s doing. Throw in some heavy percussion and real head-scratching lyrics!” Track four, and the accompanying hook: “I’m the Mephistopheles… Of Los Angelees”. So you’re thinking to yourself, this must just be a track or two, right? Nope. Tracks 6 through 10 are like this, a man with an identity crisis thinking he can be Tom Waits but with a disco beat. I can’t even bother to post any of the lyrics.

I mean YES, yes I can bother to post some dumb lyrics. Taken from “Slave Only Dreams to be King”:

[quote]Don’t want your God and His higher power
Want power to get higher
I’m not allowed, I’m not allowed
When you look up, what do you see?
Don’t need a muthafucka lookin’ down on me
Muthafucka lookin’ down on me
‘Least I know wherever I go
I got the devil beneath my feet
Least I know wherever I go
I got the devil beneath my feet[/quote]

…and repeat 36 times. Yes, that bad. Each song ranges from 4:16 to 6:22, with the average track length being over five minutes. And if you think the first 30 seconds of a particular track suck, be prepared for the rest of it to suck too. There are no drum fills, no guitar solos; there are only a FEW handful of industrial/nu-metal guitar riffs to keep us interested*. The hooks are repetitive beyond comprehension (especially track 8 “Birds of Hell Awaiting”).

*I use the term in a relative sense. As in, The Big Bang Theory is relatively interesting when compared to a Michael Bay film.

So bad album, okay we get it. Review over? NOPE. The special edition comes with three bonus tracks: acoustic versions of three album tracks. It’s Marilyn Manson trying to sound like Johnny Cash, pure stripped-down acoustic guitar. I shit you not, dear reader; you simply must hear these tracks to understand the absolute flushability being presented to our earholes. It’s terrible, horrible, no good and very bad. Boy this guy’s got balls for attempting this; but I can’t even give him respect for that.

Surely the review is complete! “Nay” I say to you, peasant. Let’s do one more song breakdown. One more glass of wine in and I’m ready for “Birds of Hell Awaiting”! The song starts out with an industrial beat – wait, I kid – it’s not industrial at all, it’s like a synthesized version of a hawk screaming above in the sky. It fades into a classic western drum beat with a dirty guitar lick casually played over a back-and-forth bass backdrop. “This is your death’s… this is your death’s… this is your death’s desire,” I sure hope you like this grouping of words because you’re going to hear it about 400,000 more times. This song never progresses (neither forwards nor backwards), it’s simply hammered into your brain for FIVE MINUTES.

Next song “Cupid Carries a Gun” starts out with an acoustic guitar and – I have to throw in the towel. I simply cannot do this any more. I’ve listened to this album probably 10 times all the way through and I’m about ready to staple my nuts to my thigh. Let’s end the suffering. Marilyn Manson’s “The Pale Emperor” gets…

lolbuttz_10

l’d like to share with you the only acceptable song from the album, “Deep Six” to help cleanse your pallet of the absolute garbage that preceded it. Honestly, it’s a good song. I do not know how he managed to compose one good track among a smoldering wasteland of atrocities; but he has. Get ready to post some funny comments while you listen to the following:

“The Pale Emperor” comes out January 20, 2015.  Pre-order the deluxe edition here.

(Photo via) (Photo via)

  • Tom Waits For Better Days

    FIRST!

    Oh and someone needs to lose their heads for that TomWaits reference.

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      I really make an effort to read all the content before I comment haha

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        I usually do too. But I’m sensitive when it comes to him.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      BOOOOOOOO!

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        Why? And what’s this then

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I was booing to your “first” comment.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Aha. But at the moment there were no others, therefore I was first.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I was booing to the part that said “first”

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            But why, it was first.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You’re not Firstly, you can’t say first

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Oh THAT’S why I didn’t see JAG around so I had to give it a go.

  • Spear

    Dude looks like Nicolas Cage in the cover photo. Eesh.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Marilyn Manson: the Nic Cage of music

  • Max

    I like metal.

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      Me too, Max. Me too.

      • Max

        I mean, ya gotta admit – metal is pretty good.

        • Some metal is better than other metal

          • Max

            That’s complicating things rather; but sure.

          • VVorld Peace

            When do we get a new Max article.

          • Would crowdfund a new Max article.

          • Max

            I would gladly accept the funds from a crowdfunded Max article.

            And probably use them to buy more metal.

          • Max

            What would you like me to write about, Prez? It did occur to me recently that I’ve got quite a few books about extreme metal; maybe I could rustle up an overview?

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I also agree with this statement, Randall.

          • Tyree
          • Fatal Power of Death is unbeatable.

          • Tyree

            You said it.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            All metal is equal, but some metal is more equal than the other.

          • metal ====================

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I believe all metal is equal as well.

        • Edward #negrod4eva

          I admit it. I like metal.

        • Stockhausen

          I’ve always said that!

          • Max

            I know – plagiarism is my strong point.

          • Stockhausen

            But with hair like that, who can fault you.

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      Do you like Attila???? Are they metal enough for you???

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I’m all ’bout that life bro #attila #fronz

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          Me too bro! #SUCKMYFUCK

      • Max

        They’re metal, but with a lower-case ‘m’.

    • Like Like? or just Like?

      • Max

        Short answer: Like, with an ‘if’.
        Long answer: Like Like, with a ‘but.’

        • JWG

          Like like with a but. And you cannot lie?

    • KJM

      Eh, can’t stand the stuff. ^_^

      • Max

        Neither can I, to be honest. But when in Rome.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          … do as the Canadians do.

          • Max

            Preciselager.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Will use / 10

          • JWG

            We’re a highly imitable (and amicable) nation, indeed.

  • I’m not listening to that.

    • did you pre-order the deluxe edition at least?

      • Tyree
        • CyberneticOrganism

          >:(

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        Damn It, Jimmy! You know damn well that I ordered the deluxe edition! I love MM! Now I am going to listen to THEoL then Danzig 5. Damn it Jimmy! Still love you though.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I loved early MM but the new album is just awful. There’s two good songs on it and those songs are Deep Six and Warship My Wreck.

      • J.R.

        Matt Mulholland is a funny funny man. I enjoy his material.

  • Tyree
  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Nope.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    Third Day and Deep Six are both okay I think I heard a third not bad song. I was hoping this’d be his first bearable album.

    • yes, strangely they’re okay. the rest is garbage. everyone should give it a listen for fun.

  • Howard Dean

    Totally unrelated: If you are/were a fan of The Devil’s Blood and Selim Lemouchi, and you haven’t yet read this article, you must. Great stuff:

    http://issuu.com/bkkc/docs/selim_english__1_/1

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      Didn’t Selim kill himself for Satan?

      Not Selim = poser.

      • Howard Dean

        Basically. It was a similar suicide to Jon Nodtveidt, though I think Selim’s personal philosophy/religion differed a bit from Jon’s/the Misanthropic Luciferian Order.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          Selim believed that everything he did as an artist came from some “higher power” (satan?) and that he was a mere tool. He pretty much hated all who thought otherwise. He was a tool.
          That much I know.

  • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
    • Tyree

      FLUSH

      • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

        I’d like to point out that I, in no way, advocate listening to marilyn manson.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Your mouth says that but your eyes tell a whole different story, honey.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Incorrect, that is not a pokemon!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Gamefreak hasn’t announced it, I shan’t believe you!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus
          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            draw a scraggly beard on that kid and you’ve got @metaphysicalanus:disqus

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ve got a great beard (also sidebruns, you scrub)

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            sideburns are for scrubs. beard is the whole package.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I bet you don’t even have a beard. You just taped your pubes on your face
            #getrektscrub
            #gocrytoyourmom

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            my pubes >>>>> your beard

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That’s like saying JJD > McNulty

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Lol you would need that.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            That’s just cruel. You know you love me though.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t hate you as much as I hate some people.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Yay! You’re going to be excited to read the article I’m writing. It’s about the bands that created what would be called metal and a lot of unknown bands will be there such as Leaf Hound, Hell Preachers Inc, Truth and Janey and a lot of harder edged psychedelic rock.

          • Lacertilian

            I guess you enjoyed Leaf Hound then?
            Orange goblin do a sweet cover of Freelance Fiend.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            It was awesome. I’m amazed they’re so little known.

          • KJM

            I used to grow a full beard during the Winter, now having any hair on my face freaks me out, don’t know why.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            The raw power and strength your beard gave you likely released too much dopamine into your brain, which was emotionally terrifying but exhilarating.

          • KJM

            More like really itchy.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            That was the power attempting to escape your body and foment in the world. You were almost there.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            There is a really glorious passage in the quran that I don’t recall word for word. The point of it is that the beard marks the boys growth to a man and separates him externally from a child.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            By the way, KJM may look like Tommy Taberman. It scares me!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            What? How? No!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I know! It spooked me!

          • Tyree
          • was listening to the Nerdist podcast this morning and heard them reference the “sexy sax man” from Lost Boys. i lost my sh1t. thank you Tyree.

          • Lacertilian

            Have they had any good guests on lately?
            I’ve been climbing Proopcast mountain, no time for Nerdist.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            DWAYNE!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Yay, I finally managed to post a working gif!

          • KJM

            CORGI POWER!!!

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          Hey Antichrist Superstar and Holywood are fantastic albums!

          • i really enjoy Mechanical Animals. rly.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I forgot to include Portrait of an American Family. Really enjoy the song Cake and Sodomy from that album.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            While I wont advocate listening to Marilyn Manson, I most definitely advocate cake and sodomy. INXS

          • Metaphysical Anus

            120 days of sodom(y)

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I am the god of fuck..

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            WHITE TRASH GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES

    • “I feel like I could just…fix him, you know?”

    • Miguel Serra

      iugh!

  • JWG

    Clearly it was only meant to be a single, but the label pressured him into adding filler. Right?

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Great review JJMN! I think this should be a “thang” : questionable release reviews by JJMN!!

    • thanks clown! i might keep this up, provided i’m not escorted out…

    • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

      man, i think your brother is in big trouble !

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Damn Conan! howd u find that? yea hes the black sheep his name is Big Red…he did a 5 year bit in attica for an armed robbery after he dropped out of clown college. He was kind of a phenom as a teen with Ringling but he bloww out his knee..sad story.

  • Stockhausen

    Thanks for taking this hard hit for the team, McNulty. How dare this man-child besmirch the path that Tom Waits laid.

    • yes, i really hope that nobody thinks i’m besmirching the name of Tom Waits. i love him <3

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        Well, I suppose we all would rather have his head served on a silver platter, than yours.

      • Stockhausen

        We know that you know what’s up.

    • KJM

      Blasphemy of the highest order on his part. He’s not fit to shine Tom’s shoes.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Tom Waits >>>>>>>>>>

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    The Pale King > The Pale Emperor #PretentiousLiteratureJoke

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      *Gets the joke in less than 5minutes, for the first time in ToH*

    • Pale Communion > Pale Emperor (but not by much)

      • Metaphysical Anus

        *by a lot
        FTFY

        • KJM

          Mikael could burp and fart into a mic for an hour and it would have more musicianship than Manson.

        • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

          Hey man can we bond over our hatred of this piece of filth sub -human know as marily manson ? It would mean a lot to me.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t hate him, I dislike his music

          • KJM

            I don’t like him as a person or as a musician.

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            man, we share the same brain, except on pantera.

          • KJM

            I respect Dimebag, but both times I’ve seen Phil live(Pantera, Superjoint) he was being a whiny douchebag. Also, I have never encountered more Dude Bros assholes at a Metal show than I did at Ozzfest 2004 when Superjoint Ritual and Hatebreed were there. Phil is a dude bro magnet.

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        (only if you think “infinite times better” is “not much”)

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        What (s)he said ↓

  • Simon PhoenixKing

    There was a time when Manson was relevant. I don’t actually remember when it was, but that time did exist.

    • i took those two images from a funny Onion article from years back (link on my photo citations)

  • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

    I’m going to stream the album before I buy it. But I’m most likely going to end up buying it because I enjoy the first two singles.

    • i don’t mind sharing it with you!

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        I can’t find that comment in my email with your email 🙁

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        remember the words of st. louis kids.

        If you are not white like me
        you will have no presents under your tree

        Hail ze fatherland

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

          i only bought gifts for white people this year.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Racist

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            i dont have any black/azn frands 🙁 🙁

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Go get some, you racist bastard!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            welll ummmmmmmm, you’re not technically white, are you?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m white as snow, pale as fuck. I do have friends of darker colour.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            Pale as Snow is an awesome character from joe abercrombie’s books 🙂 i’d buy dat character from a book a present. not you, though.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You wouldn’t buy a bleached metaphysical anus a present? Greedy capitaist pig. Oink oink!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            If I got you a present it would set a bad precedent for our relationship.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That’s what they all say.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Pale ass snow *childish snickering*

  • KJM

    Marilyn Manson is the God Emperor of lolbuttz. I sat through his tired schtick 2 nights in a row at Ozzfest 2001 just to see Sabbath. It was like seeing bad imitations of Bowie, Cooper, and Bauhaus at the same time, good thing I was so high that I just didn’t give a fuck.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

      MM didn’t ruin your buzz? I believe I might have been at that Ozzfest. Sadly Sabbath sucked too. Pretty much everything main stage sucked.

      • KJM

        I have a bootleg of the 2nd night. They were actually pretty good that night. Even Bill and Ozzy were listenable. I wish I could say the same for Ozzfest 2004/05. They were just not on the same level as either Priest or Maiden those years.

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

          Just looking back to make sure, at least the bands that played 2004/5 Ozzfest were better.

          • KJM

            04 had Priest and Slayer, 05 had Maiden and not much else(for me anyway).

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            I think the 2001 ozzfest was the start of my hatred of numetal.

          • KJM

            Oh god, if I’d been driving I’d have showed up as late as possible. After sitting through Linkin Park AND Papa Roach I no longer fear Hell.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            Not my fondest adolescent concert, for sure.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Was there any performances you liked at Ozzfest 2001? I would have killed to go to an Ozzfest but I was too young. That needs to come back in my opinion.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            I was real young then, so I imagine I thought a lot of it was cool at the time. In retrospect it was all complete garbage, of course.

          • KJM

            It would have to be toned down a bit because there are so few Metal bands around now that can draw an arena sized crowd and you’d need at least 1-2 on the main stage. It would also help if The Osbournes had nothing to do with it at all.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            “I don’t fear hell because I know it doesn’t exist. Hail Dawkins!”
            -Blackbeard

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love nu metal as much as I love Deafheaven.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            This is terribly insulting to Deafheaven.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love Deafheaven so much though!

          • ok, we gotcha.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I love Bauhaus quite a bit as well as David Bowie and Alice Cooper. Marilyn Manson is a third rate Alice Cooper. In my opinion he should have quit after Holy Wood which was his last great album in my opinion.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    If you want GOOD music and related news, In Mourning parted ways with their drummer, again. Not even an album was released – even though it is in the works.
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ4ioEQ7okM

  • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

    bullet point on reasons brian warner is a turd
    – he mocks the death of the angel sharon tate slaughtered nine months pregnant. Fuck that child molester polanski too.
    – he mocks the beauty icon marilyn munroe – what did that little girl do to him. Wasn’t being killed by the kennedys enough ?
    – he is a fake satanist and fake bi sexual.
    – i would take an authentic biblethumper over a fake satanist any day of the week
    – his music : total rip off , nothing new whatsoever – garbage – super weak industrial at best – he is a key player in the creation of nu metal
    – he got to fuck hot women (ok i am just jealous)
    – he made those fucking lunch boxes popular, the ones girls used as purses, remember ? Oh the horror.
    – he started the first mass goth movement – in his defense a lot of girls looked super good with that look ( if you are into that kind of thing)
    – even with a small part on SOA he fucked it up thus tainting the show for fans. I am just a casual fan and i was pissed off, so i cant imagine how much it damaged a diehard.
    – funny how that other asshole brian werner from vital remains has the same name as this turd ball.
    – in conclusion brian warner and his whole existence in this dimension stinks more than a dirty diaper laying in a heat vent for a week.

    I know i went easy on him , there are some fans of his on here i respect.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Hey Conan, have you introduced yourself to Voices? The band that Akercocke is now and that musically reminds their former self.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        brb, looking up Voices…

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          London the newest album was alright from what I’ve heard (a couple of songs) but the debut was more Akercocke-y.

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        Yes, its the drummer david grays band. Jason mendonca the great frontman/guitarist retired but this project is similiar in style so he must be one of those drummers who writes music as well. Quality stuff.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Löl they’re an akrecock ripoff.

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            – 1000 points for horrendous misspelling of akercocke.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            *akercock
            *akershite
            *posercocke
            *deafheavenisbetterthanakercocke
            *shittercocke

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            You fuck with people better than anybody else, I just can’t get enough of it. Too funny lad

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            You are not even the least bit a metal fan, and that makes you a weak person, you are no doubt physically weak as well. A pencil pusher , balding with a turtleneck.

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            It’s okay Death. I don’t listen to troo metal either. I guess I’m weak too. It’s a shame.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Let’s be weak together!

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Yes Death, let’s never be troo metallers <3

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            revised: (refresh for Death’s true image)

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I disagree with that statement.

          • Hahahahahahaha what is this.

          • KJM

            It’s the “Airing Of Grievances”! It’s that time of year after all.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love Deafheaven so much!

          • nah… deafheaven is utter shite.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            McNulty McPlz

          • talk shit on ackercocke, get Deafheaven talk-shitted!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Jokes on you, I don’t like Deafheaven enough to get offended like Conan
            it’s 2014
            Gets offended on internet
            Lolz

          • Scrimm

            Old comment I just stumbled across I know but bullshit I’ve seen you get butthurt more than once.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Scrimm plz, y u always swearing

          • Scrimm

            Do I really swear that much?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Vanhus

            I dunno

          • Scrimm

            Welp I cuss like a sailor cause I used to be one. I served my country for my freedom of speech so I talk how I please.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Vanhus

            Y u so mean

          • Scrimm

            How was that the least bit mean? Just said how I look at it.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Vanhus

            Y u so serious

          • Scrimm

            Y u think you’re funny? Nvm I’m done with this.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Vanhus

            I’ve nevre thought that I’m funny

          • Scrimm

            Neither have I

          • Nordling Rites Ov Vanhus

            Good

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
          • no m8, let’s settle this with a Mario Bros. battle!

    • Metaphysical Anus

      He mocks people? Seems like my kind of guy!

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        Man this is all fun and games, BUT NEVER EVER joke about sharon tate, it’s not cool man. I’m not kidding. That is off the table.
        It’s something the king must put his foot down on.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I respect a man who has some kind of standards. I do not have those (at least when we’re talking about humans) nor do I see jokin about her being off the table.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            i was fully prepared to make a joke right then and there

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Make one, make one now!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            uhhhhhh uhhhhmmmmmm

            “she’s definitely not making waves anymore”

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I found one but don’t know if it’s okay to post it here.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            whaaaa…. i made mine up. what is itttt???

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Here goes nuthin. It’s more of a polanski joke.:

            After his wife sharon tate was brutally murdered by Charles Manson during a dinner party, Roman Polanski decided he wasn’t going to make that mistake.
            Now he only dates girls too young to host such events.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            meehhhhhhhh i just read it before you posted it. you should stick to your day job

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s not made by me, I found it somewhere.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Give me a better one, mate!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            Knock knock

            “Who’s there?”

            Charles Manson

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Not edgy enough.

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            polanski – fucking makes one good movie, and he is a god. He had lavey advising on rosemarys baby, lavey had tacit connections to charles manson so maybe pooplanski payed off manson to get rid of his wife because he didn’t want a child. He was conveniently gone that evening. hmmmmm.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Here come the conspiracy theories!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Wait for me honey!

          • KJM

            Not that I’m defending him as a person, but by any objective standard he has several good movies. Even if a director is a strong personality, a movie is seldom the work of just one person. You can acknowledge that those movies are great while still viewing Polanski as scum.

            Even though it was consensual and very public, you could also call Jimmy Page a pedophile for his relationship with Lori Maddox, the same with Elvis.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            And Jimmy Page pretty much forced her to live with him, Polanski let her go.

          • KJM

            I honestly don’t know much detail beyond the sensationalist books(i.e. Hammer Of The Gods & Stairway To Heaven) and that was long ago.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            There was a recent publication about it, though I think in Finnish and not translated. He practically hijacked/had her hijacked and then made it very, very hard for her to leave. She apparently fell in love with him and since she was an adult when she got out/free/whatev. no charges were pressed/raised.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Haven’t read any official Page/Zep biographies or any unofficial either.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I saw a documentary that said that he fell into a deep depression. They say that he really loved her.

          • CT-12

            While I don’t like Roman Polanski personally, saying he only has one good movie is ignorant. Check out “Knife in the Water” or “Repulsion”.

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            tried to watch repulsion multiple times, never can get through it. He is no argento or fulci.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            I love those nasty inappropriate jokes.

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            why don’t you just put up some crime scene photos. I don’t give a fuck about people but when the murder of a gorgeous blonde woman is a source of amusement i am at a bit of a loss. Lets do some holocaust jokes while we are at it.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Do we do 9/11 jokes after the holocaust ones?

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            I am starting to think you are a nazi sympathizer and strangely the sight of even a partially unclothed woman is like kryptonite to you. Make of that what you wish.

          • Metaphysical Anus
          • KJM

            be nice.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My marimba has been avenged now.
            (I told you I wanted to use that)

          • KJM

            Ugly and beautiful people are killed every day. I’m not taking a side, just felt the need to say that.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Conan only seems to care about the beautiful ones.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            As much as I dislike jokes about things like horrifying murders and holocaust, “If it can’t make jokes about it, then we must make jokes about it.”

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            i thought you were a cool guy.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            He is.

          • KJM

            Never let The Anus know what rustles your jimmies.

            “The attack is psychological and powerful, so do not listen.”

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        You’re killing me here man, i think he was paying these chicks one way or another. They all drop him quick. At the end of the day i think he is really a boring as fuck person who couldn’t even carry on a rapid fire exchange of comments like we do on here. Just a feeling i get.

        • KJM

          He’s a rock star. Do you think those women would’ve given his nasty ass the time of day otherwise?

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      Here’s one.

  • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

    In 2015 I want a Dethalbum IV

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Am I the only one who thinks Dethklok’s vocals suck some hairy donkey-arse?

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I’m with you, bearman.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          Good to have an Anus.

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        I agree, but I listen to it for the musicianship and humor

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          I’ve never really dug ’em.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I get why people don’t like it, but do you enjoy the TV show?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            It’s not been shown here and I’ve been too lazy to dig it up online. So I’ve seen an episode or two. It wasn’t bad nor especially great.

          • KJM

            Check out the first season.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Karhu, don’t do it!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I guess I should

          • Metaphysical Anus

            DON’T

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Maybe I won’t. Is it that bad?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Your point streak will end if you do!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Then I can’t

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It seems like your point streak will continue!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            *Insert excellent.gif*

          • KJM

            Love the show, funny as hell.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            My dad hates metal, but loves that show. He mutes it when Dethklok is jamming

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You’re on a point streak, don’t stop now!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I’m afraid to continue now.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            ‘Tis a narrow bridge.

      • KJM

        Sure, but the rest of it is cool especially the guitar.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          It’s okay, but as I said, I’ve never really dug ’em

    • KJM

      Me too, and more eps of Metalocalypse.

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        100% agreed. It’d be cool if the episodes were longer too.

        • They tried it. It kinda sucked. 11 min is just the right amount of time for an episode.

          • KJM

            They were good but I’m sure it costs much more, and all other AS cartoons get the job done in 11 minutes so might as well keep it at the shorter length.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

      Guys…. I think he meant IV “Deafheaven album”s

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I’m down with that!

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        I hate Deafheaven

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

          i think maybe your melatonin levels are low…. perhaps you need to go SUNBATHERING

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’ve tried over and over again to like that album but it’s not for me. I’m not saying it’s a bad album. But I just don’t appreciate anything about the album. It’s just boring hipster metal in my opinion

        • with, Justin mah main mahun!

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Thanks Jimbo. I got your back

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love Deafheaven though. At least we both love the good nu metal bands.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            This is true JJD, though Death would argue they suck

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            hey now, ripping on @metaphysicalanus:disqus is my jerb!

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Sorry 🙁

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Wow! Really?

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Yeah. I love black metal, but I can’t get into them. I’ve tried listening to Sunbather time after time but I just don’t like it.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Well, one can’t sexually please everyone.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            It’s not a bad album though. Just not for me. I bought the new Black Crown Initiate today and it’s a great album!

  • Squibble Skwonk

    Manson’s music is all style and no substance. But the style has sucked since 2003 (I actually really liked Golden Age of Grotesque but everything after it has ranged from garbage to mediocre).

    • Guacamole Jim

      I never really got into him from the get-go. I always felt he was popular more for the shock value than for the quality of music.

  • NefariousDude

    Just left Walmart. I was looking at a wallet for nefariousgirlfriend when I realized someone had rubbed a copious amount of sticky fluid on the inside and it grossed me the fuck out. About ten minutes later I was in the tech department and I found an empty pregnancy test package next to some tv antennas. I wish I was kidding

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Wow! This is a whole different world. Plz don’t let those people here.

      • KJM

        I’m proud to live in Somerville, MA, the city that told WalMart to fuck off. They wanted to build one here. We said screw you.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Really? Shit! Respect to you guys, mate. Fight the power

          • KJM

            Howie Carr, scumbag right-wing op-ed columnist for the Boston Herald calls us “Socialist Somerville”. Ooh, how clever.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            We Nordic countries are probably a great socialist union according to him.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            *according to everybody

          • Metaphysical Anus

            If we were truly socialist we wouldn’t have a political party (quite large one) that has only racists and and nationalists in it.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            SDP?

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

          A couple of the more upscale mountain communities up here have told walmart to piss off, as well.

          • KJM

            If you have a car, there’s a WalMart less than 10 miles away in Saugus. It’s silly.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            From Highlands, its about a 30-45 minute ride to any walmart. They also kept fast food companies from opening new locations there, as well.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            We don’t have any walmartta here.

          • KJM

            This is the specific company WalMart wanted to go after by opening here, a well respected, relatively local supermarket company.

            http://www.mydemoulas.net/

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            MARKET BASKET m/

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            We let the Wal Mart train, roll on in.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

      Was one of the antennas gone?

    • Mother Shabubu III

      Dude I hate going into Walmart, but it’s such a great people-watching place. It’s like a Star Wars bazaar come to life. Creatures and cretins in all shapes and sizes.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Hey, you’re still alive!

        • Mother Shabubu III

          When did I appear to die?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Haven’t seen you in a while, I thought you were dead.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Ah. No, I think I last posted like three days ago. I believe it was my weird diatribe about “Plink”.

          • Lacertilian

            Surely, if someone had died, you of all people would know first.

      • i once saw a girl (a mother, with two kids) at a walmart wearing a shirt that said “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?”. she was fat.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          You should have gone up to her and said “that avalanche on your chest. I’m looking for survivors from the Alpine village it smothered”. Wordy, but gets the point across.

          Was she a flatso? I noticed the local denizens of Walmarts tend to be flatsoes.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      It should be mandatory that when you walk into Walmart, the Creature Cantina Band strikes up.

    • Call the Slambulance

      Wal-Mart Bathroom Abortion is my new album title.

      • NefariousDude

        With vox recorded thru the store intercom

  • FeelTheDarkness

    Marilyn Manson = a turd in the punch bowl of music

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Better than a punch to the turd bowl

      (or is it? and why do you have a bowl of turds?)

      • FeelTheDarkness

        I don’t. That’s gross

  • Miguel Serra

    I love you, McNulty. But I will NOT pause Nightingale first listening to hear Marilyn Manson!

    • Guacamole Jim

      That’s a very good call.

    • and i don’t want you to! but you, along with everyone else, would achieve tons of LOLZ for hearing this new album

  • Metaphysical Anus

    ‘Tis the season to lose your moneyz
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L4sLWrgk73Q

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    The Manson I loved is dead, idk who this weiner is. Major bummer though /:

    • Lacertilian

      He was killed for crimes against music in the 90’s wasn’t he?

  • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

    TOILET OF HELL SUCKS COCK AND IT HAS FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME. A BUNCH OF ELITISTS WHO HATE MOST FORMS OF TRUE METAL. PSEUDO INTELLECTUAL ARTICLES, MOST CONDESCENDING, I THINK MOST PEOPLE ON HERE ARE SILVER SPOON UP THERE ASSES CUNTS. UTOPIAS NEVER LAST.

    NOT YOU McNULTY – this manson article was top drawer.

    • KJM

      o_O

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I is srry if me offended dig.

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS TRUE METAL. ALL METAL IS METAL. ATTILA IS JUST AS METAL AS OLD SCHOOL DEATH METAL. JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT SUCKS DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT METAL. YOUR WHOLE TRUE METAL THING IS THE MOST RETARDED THING I’VE EVER HEARD. THIS WHOLE TRUE METAL THING MAKES YOU THE BIGGEST ELITIST.
      You do know your horror films though. I’ll give you that.

      • KJM

        I upvote this comment while stating that about 90% of what’s called Metal these days has almost no appeal to me whatsoever.

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          I’m not sure if you’d like this, but to me this is the song of the year. I really connected with it and I think the band has the ability to grow into a good band. tell me what you think
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZIJNFoe1mI

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I heard them earlier and don’t find ’em too bad. Some nice things going on, could listen without being forced to.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            The guys write solid riffs and grooves. I have a buddy who saw them open for Mastodon in the UK, and said that they’re an awesome band live. Definitely a band to watch out for in my opinion.

          • KJM

            In case you missed it, and if you care about that sort of thing, here’s what I liked this year(mostly)

            1) Occultation – Silence In The Ancestral House
            2) The Wounded Kings – Consolamentum
            3) Wo Fat – The Conjuring
            4) Throne – Where Tharsis Sleeps
            5) Sinoia Caves – ‘Beyond The Black Rainbow’ Soundtrack
            6) Orange Goblin – Back From The Abyss
            7) Triptykon – Melena Chasmata
            8) Witch Mountain – Mobile Of Angels
            9) Purple Hill Witch – Purple Hill Witch
            10) Electric Wizard – Time To Die

          • Metaphysical Anus

            They mostly come out at night… Mostly

          • KJM

            RIPPPPLEEEEEY!!!!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I haven’t seen Aliens, but I have seen South Park.

          • KJM

            livin in a cowboy way inna a cowboy day wikii wikii wak

          • i told you to go watch that movie. GO WATCH IT.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            But it horror. Me scared be.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            its kinda one of them things you need to watch

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m a dissident.

          • Lacertilian

            I’m with you, I’ve never seen all of any Alien(s) movie, at my best mate’s massive disapproval.

            Although, my love for Predator has required me to watch the abomination that was Alien Vs Predator.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Get to the choppah!

          • no, Aliens is action. Alien was horror. UGH, how is it required to explain these things in 2014?!?!?!?!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            McPlz Jimmy

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Funny thing, did you know that the other actors in the scene did not know that the alien was going to pop out if the chest. The director wanted to film their natural reactions.

          • VVorld Peace

            That would actually be pretty horrifying to witness.

          • KJM

            It’s much more of an sci-fi action movie than the first one by far.

          • Gurrp

            I hear it in my dreams at night.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I didn’t like the new Triptykon, but I love the Orange Goblin record!

          • Lacertilian

            @disqus_VdRaJdjIv2:disqus comes alive with the Demon Blues!

          • I really dug the new Witch Mountain album. I still need to listen to Orange Goblin’s new shit.

          • KJM

            Solid release from Orange Goblin this year, nothing groundbreaking just good classic style Metal.

          • Classic style is just what I need sometimes. Some days, I don’t want to be challenged by the music I listen to. Doom and stoner metal metal seem to be good choices for those days.

          • KJM

            Orange Goblin, Purple Hill Witch, and Wo Fat all had great albums this year.

          • JamesGrimm

            SSSSooooooooo…….Black/doom stuff?

          • KJM

            Mostly Stoner/Doom except Sinoia Caves which is retro Electronic(i.e. lots of 70s-80s era synths and Mellotrons) and Triptykon which is more classic Doom Metal. I also liked Akrobatik – Built To Last(Hip Hop), Purson – In The Meantime EP(Stoner Psych) and the new songs from Sleep and Blood Ceremony.

          • JamesGrimm

            so why comment outside your per view?

          • KJM

            Because it’s not the only kind of music I listen to?

          • KJM

            At the very least, I can see why Slipknot went for this guy. That influence is definitely there, but it’s a too screamy and high endish for my blood.

      • The only true metal is:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJDAgMVzNto

        Lol, I just have to see your response to that!

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          Here’s my KING 810 take. I had never heard of them til I went to Mayhem fest. I thought they were pretty cool because they had some production and what not. I also met David Gunn. I got home and buy the album and my god it was horrible. So then I saw them again at Knotfest and they were TERRIBLE. Funny how downhill they went for me

          • I like them more for the gimmick than the music. The live videos I’ve seen are pretty bad, and the singer sounds like he’s struggling with even the most basic notes. I don’t expect them to last long, given that their first week sales were only 2000, even with the fanbase and a huge push from Roadrunner. Plus their numbnut antics (like the felony from beating a sound technician nearly to death) pretty much ensures they’re not gonna be around long. That on top of being really really unoriginal.
            I lived 10 years in South side Chicago, so not exactly impressed with the whole “we’re from a shitty, murderous hellhole” hardass schtick. That said though, they have some good stuff here and there.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I actually really enjoy the song “Murder Murder Murder”

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

      ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • KJM

      With respect my friend, you are a bit stuck in the past when it comes to your taste in Metal. It seems to me this site is more concerned with getting new music out there rather than covering what the older acts are doing since there’s so much of that out there already.

    • Guacamole Jim

      You’re right. Actually, we all got together, maybe two months ago, and shoved silver spoons up our asses while discussing intellectual topics we didn’t understand, and then decided that the best thing to do would be to troll everyone with our articles and only write about shit that everyone would hate. So far, it’s been great. I can’t imagine life without the spoon and your dissatisfaction.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Don’t forget hating teh truu mital.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Oh yeah, I forgot about that! It’s become such a fundamental part of me now that I almost forget that it’s there. I fucking hate trve metal because am poser.

      • KJM

        There is no spoon.

        Sorry, couldn’t help it.

        • CT-12

          There is only Zuul

      • Stockhausen

        Mine is sideways.

        • Guacamole Jim

          I can imagine it was easier to fit in once your ass had decomposed a little bit.

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          mines ladle, it still falls out…

      • Mr. Bojangles

        Wow…how did I never come up with this idea?

    • hey man, this site still puts it down. the sense of community here is unbeatable — a community of which you are a part, like it or not. we need you and your input. there’s a gigantic variety of musical tastes here.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        How does it feel to not have a silver spoon up yer butt?

        • KJM

          I pawned my silver spoon for some morphine.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            *KJM doesn’t get high

          • KJM

            o_O Shit I’m high as fuck right now, Dawg.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            I’m saying with a silver spoon’s worth of heroin.

            #BLASTOFF

          • KJM

            Wouldn’t even give me a tickle.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            “Best I can do is 2 cents. I got to frame it and there aren’t too many buyers for it.”

        • have to remove the cactus to make room!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            I bent mine first 😉

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Are you ready to be a woman?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            How did that happen? That must have been painful.

      • JamesGrimm

        17 guys circle jerking memes?

        • that’s 80% of the fun!

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            Like dis?

        • …Ellipsis…

          Sir, I’ll have you know there’s 18 of us circle jerking memes.

          #FactChecked

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            YEAAAA!

    • Tyree

      Sorry for writing about what I like dude. Nope, I’m not accually! I think everyone here can say the same that writes for TOH. We write what we like to write about. Sorry you don’t like it dude.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I disagree. I love the older acts as you know but not all old music was perfect. April Wine and The Guess Who had their bad albums. I still consider that stuff better than what passes for rock these days.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I’ve been working on an article about proto metal and I’ve thought about writing an article on underrated classic rock and blues rock bands such as Canned Heat, Badfinger, Sugarloaf, Rare Earth and Bloodrock. I hate to disagree with you but there aren’t many people who hate all kinds of music except certain genres. I love my classic rock and my proto metal as much as I love new bands like Deafheaven and Pallbearer.

    • HessianHunter

      Dude, this site sucks cock? Since when!? Sounds great! Do I have to pay???

      • I’m p cheap.

        • VVorld Peace

          He is. Not as cheap as Guacamole Jim, though. He sold his virginity for taquitos.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I should never have admitted that.

          • VVorld Peace

            It’s on the internet, Jasmine. The world will never forget.

          • KJM

            Let it be known that I held out for at least one Rainbow Maki.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I will never admit what I traded my virginty for.

          • VVorld Peace

            An autographed Spooky Tooth vinyl?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            No. It’s worse than that.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            Backstage passes to a Slipknot show?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            No. It’s the worst thing you can think of when it comes to classic rock.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Nickelback tickets?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            That’s not classic rock. I wouldn’t do that because I despise Nickelback.

          • KJM

            A Foghat ticket?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I wish. I love Foghat even though it’s just Roger Earl at this point.

          • KJM

            I may have mentioned this, but in August 1987 I saw BOC, Foghat, Badfinger, and Black Oak Arkansas at Kingston Fairground in New Hampshire. Meatloaf was supposed to be there but canceled.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Were they good? I had no clue that Badfinger survived the 70’s.

          • KJM

            They were ok, but they refused to play “No Matter What”.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Really? Why would they refuse to play that?

          • KJM

            I have no idea.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            Stroke of luck Meatloaf cancelled tho….right?!!

          • KJM

            Bigtime.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I traded my virginity for tickets to see Creedence Clearwater Revisited and Moody Blues. I heavily regret the former but I don’t regret the latter because the Moody Blues rocked.

          • KJM

            Moody Blues are just fine depending on the set list.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            Do people normally remember who they lost their virginities to? This was so long ago and with what was probably some rum-riddled wench that my rum-addled brain can’t recall it.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s easy to remember when it has never happened.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            I guess it’s mutual.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I don’t remember who she was. All I know is that she knew my friend.

          • KJM

            I’m a big stone face that flies around bellowing silly shit like “THE PENIS IS EVIL!! THE GUN IS GOOD!!” so I don’t see much action.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            I’d hit it.

          • KJM

            I’m also hundreds of meters tall and wide so there’s a lot of me to love.

          • Lacertilian
        • VVorld Peace

          I’m the only one here who knows how to pull off a Texas Twister. That makes my butt shares expensive.

    • lolbuttz

      lolbuttz

    • Do you even like power metal, you puny fucking ant? Leave the hall poser, you don’t know shit.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I love Manowar. I also love Manilla Road. I do like a lot of the same bands as Conan though.

    • Akercocke ov Steele

      I don’t like it when our community gets into such disagreements. We are all bros to the end no matter what in my opinion.

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        never change the username, it’s still the best username ever, i am hoping the buzz we have created will somehow make it back to the akercocke boys.
        Anyone talks shit about sharon tate i get into killing mode. It’s my achilles heel and i lose control.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Why is tate so important to you? Are you her child? Oh wait…

          • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

            actually born the same year she was murdered.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I just lost my shit omg omg omg lololololol :)))))

    • Lacertilian

      NOT YOU NAAN-BREAD (@James_Jimmy_McNulty:disqus)

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        we’ll always have our shared love of bond girls.

        • Lacertilian

          Have you seen Boosh?

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
      • Guacamole Jim

        Watch this with literally any disco song in the background = epic win.

    • Mr. Bojangles

      That sounds about right

    • congrats on featured comment!
      my computer screen just about received a shower of hot coffee.

    • Gurrp

      wait

      serious?

    • Scrimm

      Guess I’m a poser then.

      • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

        the Tall Man could never be a poser.

        • Scrimm

          I hope not, but my loyalties are in the toilet. It may not always be perfect but it’s ours.

  • KJM

    Alright, who in the ring tail rambling HELL is fronting Anvil the cash to go on a 33 show tour?

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Aren’t they like 125 years old?

      • KJM

        Close to it.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Does anyone care about them anymore? Why donsommany shows?

          • KJM

            Somebody either has a lot of cash that they can afford to lose, or they honestly think they’ll break even.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You gonna see them with Conan?

          • KJM

            I have never seen, nor will I ever see Anvil. However, if Conan wanted to see Rush I’d go. He’s a bit far away from Boston though.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I want to see Rush next time they go to Saratoga. I can’t wait for their 41st Anniversary Tour if it happens.

          • KJM

            Geddy seems kind of iffish about it. He’s enjoying having down time.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’m also excited about the new Rush vinyl reissues coming out starting January. Everything from the already issued debut to A Show Of Hands will be released including the other live albums from Mercury.

          • KJM

            I already have a lot of Rush vinyl so I’m good with that.

          • Lacertilian

            Ian Fleming was mentioning Saratoga alot in Diamonds Are Forever. (I’m re-reading it during my periods of unleashing excrement)

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I would see them if they came within an hour of me.

  • CT-12

    Yo Christian and other curious TOH listeners, Ghost Bath just released a new song, check ‘er out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg530raHyuo

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Sounds good, mateyMcmate

      • CT-12

        If you like this song, you can download their album from earlier this year for NYP. Album made my top 10 AOTY, if that means anything; I highly recommend it https://ghostbath.bandcamp.com/album/funeral

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Gonna check this out when I have more time. Thanks dude.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

            What did you think of that Lantlos track?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            ‘Twas ok

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

          awww fuck myself, i meant this to go up dere.

          i might preorder this album. i rly like it.

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

      blackbeard highly approves of this album cover.

      i like the song, too.

      • CT-12

        WOOT!

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I didn’t enjoy this album. It was very boring.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Really? Are you sure?

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Yes I am. I enjoy his older work much more than this audio version of NyQuil.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Nine Inch Nails hands down.

          • KJM

            NIN by miles, and I don’t really care for Reznor either. However, NIN did put on a really good set at Lollapalooza 1991.

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Fuck yeah they did!!!
            But Jane’s was fucking phenomenonal

          • KJM

            Bigtime, so was Living Colour.

          • FeelTheDarkness

            That whole lineup was insane.
            The first 3 Lollapalooza tours were too much fun to be legally allowed.
            So much LSD.

          • KJM

            I managed to get my herb dealer a ride with us, so we were beyond all set.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’d love to see Living Colour. They seem like an awesome live band.

          • KJM

            They are. I’ve seen them 5 times so far.

          • KJM

            One of the best rock bass lines ever written

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CpRCc4Jre8

          • KJM

            BECAUSE OF THIS THING!
            BECAUSE OF THIS THING! BECAUSE OF THIS THING!!

          • …Ellipsis…

            I see your JA bass line and raise you an Alice In Chains’ bass line…

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfjVKSAMrtE

          • KJM

            So bummed I didn’t get to see Layne.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I see your AIC bass line and raise you the mother of all bass lines.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_VWtTcaBEs

          • …Ellipsis…
          • KJM

            So simple yet so effective.

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Definitely not

          • KJM

            Nice to hear from the preschool contingent here at The Toilet.

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Definitely

          • KJM

            I also saw Jane’s in 2003. It was still a very good show, but Eric Avery’s absence was noticed.

          • FeelTheDarkness

            I saw that tour too
            The bass player from Porno For Pyros filled in. Marty something or other.

    • This is right up your alley.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8s9dmuAKvU

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I feel if I decide to go see him at Terminal 5 it will not be good.

  • KJM

    (looks at featured comment)

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

      Canadians almost always post in all caps.

      • Lacertilian

        DVWKINS has arrived!

  • BLVKKBEVRD OV GREVT DVWKINS

    I figured JJD would like this:
    http://youtu.be/ZJBanrRInEM

  • KJM
  • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

    Something else I overlooked (I must’ve done a pretty bad jerb this year):
    http://youtu.be/-bOX021ltbM?list=PLUSgWqFpwI4QN3IE_ccUu3eHWvxsnQuoO

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Upon further review, I really like “Deep Six”. *In Charlton Heston voice* Damn you
    Jimmy McNulty! Daaamn you!

  • Sadistikexekution

    Jimmy McNulty: from troll to blogger.
    MM is n artist, poet and actor, and sukks kokk at all of them.

    • Howard Dean

      What kind of butterfly are you going to transform into after your metamorphosis?

      • Sadistikexekution

        The kind that ** flushes toilet **

    • JJM

      just getting around to this…
      i don’t know if i was ever full troll, but i sure enjoy it on time to time.
      it brings me great pleasure that you read this! (completely srs)

  • Fuck it, I LOVE this song! The band U2 wishes they were.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuC_k51NUqU

    • KJM

      U2’s first 4 discs are great, especially ‘Boy’, but once Joshua Tree came out Bono disappeared up his own ass and never looked back.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        KJM, when will you release your debut album “Drugs are okay”? We would at least want to hear the first single called “I’d Scam My Friends for Drugs feat. Blake Judd”

        • KJM

          I need money for studio time, Could you lend me some?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How much?

          • KJM

            Well the going rate for China Whiii…I mean, “studio time” is $500 an oz.. I mean, an hour. I figure I can record a new disc in about 300 hours.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            300 hours? That’s a lot of time for a single album

          • KJM

            I’m taking lessons from that Wintersun(?) guy who wants a sauna in his studio.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ve got an own sauna.

      • First two were great, afterwards it became a shitstorm. Tight band, but Bono ruined the band, IMHO.

    • Lacertilian

      Midnight Oil is the tits.
      How dare you even mention U2 in regard to this.

  • ulala

    The editor couldn’t have written a more narrow minded and lazy review. Also interesting that he just criticizes the two worst songs on the album, but does a poor job in analysing good songs like Warship My Wreck. Also most of the review is only about lyrics, which the editor took completely out of place anyway. The editor is probably some etilistic idiot, because how the review is written, you could have made a negative statement on every album, even if it’s The White Album.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
    • HD Rides a Hoveround
    • MoshOff

      y u mad tho

    • Metaphysical Anus

      But The White Album is a bad album.

      • KJM

        And good morning to you, you no taste having elitist d-bag.

        • …Ellipsis…
          • KJM

            #StayXylophone

          • …Ellipsis…

            #StayGrumpyFinishShutIn

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Abbey Road sucks as well. Revolver is a good album.

          • KJM

            I only agree with 1/2 of that(Revolver), but I will say Sgt Pepper is overplayed and overrated.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Indeed it is. I think that Pet Sounds is better than what Beatles did. Mothers of Invention > Beach Boys >>>>> Beatles.

          • KJM

            To be fair, Brian Wilson has said in many interviews that Pet Sounds was heavily influenced by Rubber Soul.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Tru, but I like it better.

          • KJM

            Fair enough.

          • …Ellipsis…
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Don’t make me get my marimba!

          • …Ellipsis…

            And what? Record me a ringtone?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ll play a 27 minute long marimba solo (also using a vibraphone and hammered dulcimer) and the shove those mallets so far up your tiny ass that the silver spoon will come out of your mouth.

          • …Ellipsis…

            I’d listen to that. You can keep the mallets though…

            For the record, I’m into Frank Zappa and love his composing style. In fact Peaches en Regalia is one of my ringtones.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Ellipsis has gained 20 Anus Points

          • …Ellipsis…

            Anus points?..

          • Metaphysical Anus

            They are points I give to people. You are currently in the lead with 20 points.

          • …Ellipsis…

            Can’t imagine I’m competing against to many people…

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You’re competing against every human in this world. Only three have positive points.

          • …Ellipsis…

            Wow. Who’s the other two?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Only I may know the full content of the list!

      • …Ellipsis…
        • KJM

          ‘cry baby cry’ is the jam.

    • …Ellipsis…
    • JJM

      hey person, i listened to the album 10+ times with an open mind. and like i said in the article, i’ve enjoyed MM on different occasions. he cannot be David Bowie/Tom Waits, no matter how hard he tries.

      thanks for the input doe!

  • Jöhnny Crünch ™

    This review was like LOTR Return Of The King, it was great but it just refused to end

    • JJM

      i’m okay with that.

  • IronLawnmower

    lolbuttz is the only rating this deserves.