Madison Rising: The Star-Spangled Banner: A Video Breakdown

America the brutal.

It’s the 4th of July so that means Americans doing what America does best: getting drunk on cheap beer, wearing too little clothing, and blowing stuff up. Another constant of the 4th of July celebration is crappy patriotic butt rock. Whether it’s at the beach, a sporting event, a festival or just in a friend’s backyard, thoroughly mediocre rock music about America will be played at an annoying volume. Whatever it takes to drown out the country’s sorrows and fears, amirite?

While most of these bands and country musicians with their stupid hats blend together, there’s one patriotic band rising to the top of the red, white, and blue crap heap: Madison Rising. These anti-immigrant, gun-worshipping flag bangers may best be known for butchering the national anthem at a NASCAR event. You know you’ve fucked up when your version angers and/or amuses NASCAR drivers and fans.

Hey, sometimes bands have off performances. It happens to everyone. Maybe they were just so exhausted from loving America earlier in the day that they just couldn’t love America for a second time. Let’s give “America’s Most Patriotic Band” a chance to show us what the home of the deep-fried Twinkie is all about.

0:01: The title was up for less than a second. This video must be so action-packed that they don’t have time for things like words.
0:06: Nothing more American than out-of-place bass.
0:09: God bless Jesus… uh, I mean America.
0:14: I don’t believe that’s their actual studio. Where’s the weeping bald eagle clutching the Constitution?
0:17: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop grooving.
0:21: Why yes, that is a grenade on his microphone stand.
0:25: He looks like James Franco’s slower cousin, Frank Franco.
0:29: Mmmm that’s some good low-def stock footage.
0:32: Seriously, they couldn’t find a shot of the Statue of Liberty taken any time within the past 2 decades?
0:39: See, they had no problem wandering over to a construction site for this shot of the flag.
0:44: They’re using a clip shot in the aftermath of 9/11.
0:45: THEY’RE USING A CLIP SHOT IN THE AFTERMATH OF 9/11!
0:51: If they try to sell us commemorative 9/11 coins, I’m going to throw a steaming apple pie in each one of their faces.
0:58: Yes, that’s how drumming works.
1:01: I… I don’t think I can handle this exploitation.
1:06: On second thought, I’ll take the real footage over this masturbatory studio nonsense.
1:14: Pretty sure all of these soldiers who fought for the country didn’t sign up to be in a butt rock music video.
1:20: This is the exact moment hundreds of NASCAR fans and drivers died inside.
1:26: The Bill Of Rights does not protect that facial hair.
1:38: Now we’re getting to a whole new level of creepy.
1:43: Are we going to get shots of showers in military barracks next?
1:49: This one I don’t get. Hot-air balloons? Did Ronnie bang Nancy in one during the 80’s or something?
1:55: Soon to be the Former Home Of The People With Ears.
2:03: Random 1 second of live footage…
2:08: Hey, that’s a hockey rink! These guys are really Canadians!
2:15: I’m sure Major League Baseball loves their footage being used too.
2:23: How has Donald Trump not had Madison Rising playing at one of his events?
2:27: It would be the classiest, most best fantastic event ever.
2:33: So how many times do you think they’ve fucked the American flag?
2:39: I mean literally have sexual relations with the flag. Because there’s no way the answer is zero.
2:40: Yeah, take that First Amendment!
2:47: Snake from Voivod wants his hair back.
2:55: *googles dual citizenship options*
3:05: This is like one of those awful Values.com commercials that they show on free TV channels.
3:10: Yeah, those are real commercials for a very real website.
3:16: Madison Rising must live in the Values.com universe, where every day is an episode of Leave It to Beaver.
3:22: The American flag should issue a restraining order against Madison Rising.
3:33: There are pornos less exploitative than this video.
3:37: If they’re trying for subliminal messaging, it’s not working.
3:44: Why couldn’t his grenade accidentally go off during the recording?
3:51: Please send your flaming bags of shit to www.MadisonRising.com

This is normally where I mention when a band’s album is coming out on what label it is being released on, but nah. Just nah. Happy 4th of July.

Written by:

Published on: July 4, 2016

Filled Under: Not Metal, Video Breakdown

Views: 904

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  • Eliza

    The song starts out kinds nice, but once the vocalist starts singing, it becomes apparent that I’m in for the awkwardness that ensues from the celebration for a country I’m not a citizen of. Anyway, happy 4th of July to the people that are citizens of the USA. Have fun.

    • Stanley

      Here’s a less than patriotic ditty for your earholes. Follow along with the lyrics and your awkwardness will subside.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtxV3rQgyls

      • Eliza

        I took me a little to notice the pun in the title. XD

        • Stanley

          Yeah, Gary Holt is full of puns and mostly ones of the super cheesey variety. He can play an axe though.

          • Dubbbz

            Stan, have I ever asked you if you like The Atrocity Exhibition and Exhibit B?

          • Stanley

            Nope. I like A more than B, but both of them are pretty average (with only a few standout tracks). Rob dukes does a fine job, but I much prefer Zetro’s spit and vinegar than Duke’s raw anger. I think Gary Holt wanted to be more heavy/extreme on these albums and I don’t think this suits their style as well. The production on B is better than A (which is way to plastic sounding). Actually, maybe I like B better. 🙂 What do you think?

          • CT-12

            Sorry to sort of butt into this conversation, but I love Exodus, have an opinion, and have got nothing going on at the moment. I really think Exodus should have never gotten rid of Dukes. Seems like a step backward. I accepted Exodus as a new entity that doesn’t play with the same attitude as they did in their heyday, but I still enjoyed their output (an apples vs. oranges scenario). No doubt, I love all of their past material more because it’s what I first listened to, but all of the albums Dukes were on I can say I really liked. When Zetro came back, they didn’t really change their new “groovier” style, and he sounded ridiculously out of place, to the point where I can’t even really listen to that album.

          • Stanley

            You’re not alone with preferring Dukes more than Souza. I think that there are many long term fans of the band that feel the same way. TBH, I was excited when they announced that Souza was returning but for some reason I’ve hardly listened to Blood In Blood Out (probably too much other stuff to listen to with this damn Toilet thing). I’m going to give in another listen this morning before I head out to the Giants game.

          • CT-12

            Don’t get me wrong, if we’re talking Souza with 80’s era Exodus, he’s clearly the better fit. Re-activation – today, nah, not so much. Hope you enjoyed your game!

          • Dubbbz

            I haven’t listened to A in a long while, so I guess it didn’t make too big of a splash with me, but there are several tracks on B (like The Sun Is My Destroyer) that I think are fantastic. Not classic material, but better than a lot of the other thrash released at the same time. Regarding Dukes vs. Zetro, I always thought Dukes was a bit too tuff guy.

          • CT-12

            Agreed, I happen to think Exhibit B is the better album as well.

          • more beer

            Baloff. That is all.

          • Stanley

            Yep.

          • Ayreonaut

            I am a fan of dukes Era exodus, definitely prefer zetro and Souza, though. Shovel headed kill machine is probably a bit too much, it’s just a little too loud and extreme for the sake of being loud and kinda loses some quality to the songs themselves. As far as A and B, I used to love b and not really like a but my opinion has kinda flip flopped and I prefer a more now.

          • CT-12

            Dude, I cringe-laugh so hard everytime I listen to “Sealed with a Fist”. Fucking atrocious lyrics.

          • Stanley

            lol.

          • Stanley

            Shroud of Urine.

          • Eliza

            This song above has some hilariously bad lyrics too. Maybe I heard this wrong, but I one point there was something like “I’m not a patriot, I’m a hatetriot”.

          • CT-12

            I TOTALLY FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT THAT LYRIC hahahahahahaha!!! I gotta listen to that garbage now. Oh fuck.

          • “Hateriot”!?

            It seems we have a good contender for Max Cavalera!!!!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO6zqeBi9pY

          • Eliza

            This is my first time listening to Soulfly. It will probably be the last time as well.

          • Stanley

            You heard correctly. Piss poor.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            No, Souza is a Hatriot (his band after Exodus)!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USFIaL4B4rU

          • Eliza

            He must’ve thought it was really clever or something.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      you can live vicariously through our glory today, Eliza

      • more beer

        I don’t know if she wants to do that through me today. I am off to a day of drunken debauchery. As an added bonus I am off tomorrow too. Have a good fourth man.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          you too, brother. you know there will be nothing wholesome going on over here except this bigass dumbass pork roast

          • more beer

            As it should be.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            Got one that’s almost done marinating, so fixing that later. Oddly enough, it’s going to be wholesome over here. Ferret-sitting and watching Lady Snowblood and some anime a little later.

            https://youtu.be/MxBvPgzpoH8

          • Abradolf Lincler

            it turned out ok. my sides are always better. fattier cut of meat than i thought originally

        • Eliza

          Lol, I’ve never gotten drunk in my entire life.

          • Xinen

            Nor I and I personally intend to keep it that way.

          • Eliza

            Me too.

          • more beer

            That’s why I said that.

      • Eliza

        You guys seem to do the same things we do today on our national day. Barbeque.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          Plus, i live in the south. the meal im cooking is designed to induce heart attack

          • Eliza

            The most popular ones here are these. They’re small, but just as deadly as whatever you’re having.
            http://i2.wp.com/www.retetecalamama.ro/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/mititei-mici-de-casa.jpg?resize=600%2C783

          • Give me 30 of those. I don’t give a fuck on cardiac problems.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            im with link. that looks dope

          • Eliza

            I won’t deny that they’re good. They can be delicious if done right.

          • Eliza

            We call them “mici”, not sure what the translation for that is. I like to have them with mustard, because the meat usually gets burnt and I don’t like that.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight
          • more beer

            It’s the big one Elizabeth!

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            Lol, I just noticed I posted that pic in reply to Eliza! :-p
            This is the big one, Eliza(beth)!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I’ll take two!

          • Eliza

            Interestingly enough, even though they’re so small, I can never eat more that three.

          • more beer

            If food is going to be the thing to take me out….So be it!

  • Just saw this on my feed… Made me grin.

    http://i.giphy.com/xT0GqDV21pIqSlDoEo.gif

  • Abradolf Lincler

    LETS GET FREEDOMIZED, MOTHER FUCKERS

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    These guys are awful.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    RIP America

  • more beer

    I hope you all eat and drink too much. Happy 4th and don’t blow yourselves up!

    • Óðinn

      Happy 4th of July, more beer!

      Rednecks, my sympathies for the impending loss of your fingers. 😉

      • more beer

        Happy fourth my friend. I saw the absolute worst our country has to offer today. So many blind to what is going on in the world.

        • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

          What happened?

    • Ayreonaut

      I definitely drank too much… A couple of evil twins even more jesus at 12% go a long ways

      • more beer

        As did I. For the first time in I don’t even know how long it was on shitty beer. But once you get up into those double digits of ABV it doesn’t take too many to do the job.

        • Ayreonaut

          I haven’t had cheap (bad) beer in a while.. It’s hard to choose that stuff when a gas station by me sells imported from Germany kostritzers and benediktiners for 5$ for a 4 pack of tall boys. But yeah holy cow those double digit abv imperial stouts will do ya in quick

          • more beer

            That was the first time for me in a long time. But my friends bought so what can I say.

  • But, srs. Get your shit together, United States, and don’t let those hateful fuckers win in the politricks. I want to visit you at least once!

    “How many hasn’t cursed the wall …
    How many hasn’t cursed the wall ?!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE2k0VX44J4

    • more beer

      JJD is that you?

      • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

        Tyree has really been JJD all this time?
        Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me? There’s a glitch in The Matrix! Moooooooooooooom!

    • Ayreonaut

      Love me some creedence

  • Abradolf Lincler
    • CT-12

      AMURICAH!!!!!!!!!!!

      • CyberneticOrganism

        GAWDDAMN RIGHT BROTHER GETCHA PULL

        • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

          *vapes and stomps my own ass*

          • Abradolf Lincler

            *cant believe everyone here is so poisoned that they dont love their own country on independence day

            yall are pathetic

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight
          • BobLoblaw

            Patriotism and nationalism are pretty pathetic. It is a perfectly good excuse to party with family and friends though and by tomorrow morning we will be short a few MacArthur grant awardees due to an oil and water situation with explosives and stupidity. So theres that to look forward to.

          • more beer

            There is always the option of moving someplace that really sucks.

          • BobLoblaw

            Oh that old “ifn you dont like eet you can geeet out!” chestnut. Its so fucking weird to me how people can have such reverence for something they are a part of by happenstance. Nothing more than chance decides what country you were born in, what state, city, religion, what football/basketball/hockey team youre passionate about. Yet people act like any of those things have some sort of personal connection to them as individuals and (exactly like a religious nut) any criticism is seen as some sort of attack. Yeah, pathetic.

          • more beer

            But the bottom line is. No matter how fucked up things are here. It is much worse in other places.

          • BobLoblaw

            Thats the empty argument that invariably follows “leave”. “Someone elses suck doesn’t make my suck suck any less.”- Doug Stanhope

          • more beer

            I love my country. I just hate most of it’s inhabitants.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            I’m pretty indifferent on the whole being patriotic thing, but there’s definitely worse out there.

      • Count_Breznak

        Aren’t shose shirts at least 10 sizes too small for their target audience ?

  • Mother Shabubu
  • Abradolf Lincler
    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      LMAO, I remember these commercials!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Dave Bickler of Survivor was involved with these ads.

  • ME GORAK!!!™

    GORAK RUNNING FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    https://youtu.be/80Hyz4pOXtE

  • brokensnow
  • Hans Müller

    Different anthem, but whatevs.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOSLtAGI2LU

    Also, that gun-totin’ other song you linked… wow. They’re serious about this shit, huh?

  • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

    I prefer this heartwarming patriotic anthem instead (at the 2:20 mark).

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrSQzLIENlU

  • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    My local venue shared this video. I’m ashamed of them.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Happy Fourth to my favorite Metal Community in the world! If you live outside of the USA, have a great Monday!

  • Óðinn
  • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

    “2:33: So how many times do you think they’ve fucked the American flag?

    2:39: I mean literally have sexual relations with the flag. Because there’s no way the answer is zero.”

    Are we talking about Madison Rising or Trump?

    https://i.imgur.com/gNoGo3H.jpg

    Either he’s molesting that poor flag like a creepy uncle that’s not allowed over anymore, or someone forgot to put the Prozac in his apple sauce, or both.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Madison Rising has to be the worst name for a band since We Butter The Bread With Butter

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      Or Anal Butt.

  • RJA

    The most recent Adversarial record:
    http://xvinylx.com/download
    PF6RMSZZJE

  • Max

    Happy Slaughter the British Day, everybody!

  • Kyle Reese

    Fuck your jingoism Madison Rising. I don’t have to sing like a harpy to show my True Blue colors, baby!

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      You’re gonna start singing Madonna’s “True Blue”?!

  • Ayreonaut

    Nope not gonna trick me into watching this one… And that’s coming from a red blooded American who likes skynyrd and guns