Machine Head: Yeah gimme a uuuuuuuh

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*pulls into drive-through*

-“Hi, welcome to McMetal’s!”

-“yeah I’ll have a uuuuuuuuuh… number five with a…”

“…uuuuummmmmmm…”

“…no just a plain burger with a uhhhhhh…”

“…actually make that a spicy fish fillet combo with a chocolate shake and uuuuuuuum….”

“…no scratch that I’ll have a uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh water.”

-“Like, just one bottle of water?”

-“No like a cup of tap water, the more insipid the better.”

-“Uh… fine, whatever.”

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  • Retchin’ Rites ov Karhu
  • Is there anybody uuuuuuuuhhhhh there?

  • HessianHunter

    Omfg

    That machine head song is so bad

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      To be fair, Robb Flynn warned us that it was gonna be terrible

      • HessianHunter

        Wat u mean

        • Rolderathis

          “We’re taking things in a new direction, back to when we were brawny nascent boys.”

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          Leading up to the release of this thing, he was telling everyone “Its gonna be different, it ain’t gonna be heavy” and considering that the last song they had released back then was that horrible Anselmo bashing piece of crap, everyone just considered themselves warned

        • i had to block *the other site* with my web browser, cause i kept returning to it like a dumpster fire… but flynn basically said “we want radio airplay”

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Curiosity got the better of me and I took a peek at “the other site”, and predictably they are already fellating MH hard for this piece of crap. Also, it is weird that considering they are also massive SYL fanboys, they didn’t say anything about MH straight up stealing their riff

          • welp, that’s the invisible arm of the market (sponsors) guiding their tastes! they can claim it’s not true ’til they’re blue in the face, but history dictates otherwise.

          • The invisible third leg.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            I believe in MS’s case, that’s far more accurate

          • Dubby Fresh

            Like a dog returning to its sick, ey Jimbo?

          • i could not be trusted to watch Pandora’s Box if somebody needed me to do so.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

    WOT U DO WITTH SYL RIFF MACHEENE HEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?! GORAK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:( SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jack Bauer

    The blackening was pretty good, Unto the Locust was decent but everything since is trash. Literally copied a riff and still managed to make it sound like ass.

    • GoatForest

      Real talk.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    If at least one teenager discover Brutal Truth because if this, then maybe Robb Flynn’s existence did have a purpose after all

    • Rolderathis

      Shit I had no ideas those nails in the Slipknot guy’s mask were actually his hair

    • David Lee Hrothgar

      that and from zero – check ya are the most nu-metal videos ever made

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qsl-TodL5sI

      • GrumpDumpus

        I SHAMELESSLY ENJOYED THIS SONG

    • Sempak_Berdarah

      T̶r̶v̶e̶ Old Machine Head…
      Phil Anselmo has always been misses this T̶r̶v̶e̶ Old Machine Head

    • GoatForest

      So trve, bra…

  • nbm02ss

    Does this mean a return of fishnet shirts and electric taped nips?

    • MORE NIPPLE TAPE

      • nbm02ss

        God, I hope so. I can just imagine an electrician being in dire need of insulating some wires to restore power to a children’s hospital and Robb flying in to save the day with his nip tape.

        • Howard Dean

          What’s better than nipple tape?

          Nipple pizza:

          http://i.imgur.com/ZK6Whjc.gif

          • *gets bitched out by Mosh Off for always posting pictures of tits

            *posts pictures of tits on Mosh Off’s article

            You are as subtle as you are clever.

          • Howard Dean

            I actually didn’t even realize who wrote the article. Perhaps you give me too much credit. But thanks, you’re always a barrel o’ fun.

          • Count_Breznak

            ..wait, you are trying to tell me there are actual “people” “writing” these “articles” ?

          • Howard Dean

            I thought it was some kind of random shitpost generator at first, too.

          • Doc Torluv
          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs
          • Mosh Hoff

            Yaaaaaaaaaay sexism by HD again. What a fucking TREAT. Imagine all the cool articles you could have written by now in your allotted shitposting time.

          • Howard Dean

            My allotted shitposting time is about 1 hour total per week. It doesn’t take long to read a couple articles and toss a few comments together, and it serves as a small distraction to a life that is chaotic and relentless. If I spent actual time making cool and serious articles about Machine Head or other shitposting topics, I’d have to cut something out of my life that was actually meaningful.

            No thanks.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Stop whinging Mosh

          • GoatForest

            Oh my…

  • The Akerstache

    How the fuck did they rip off fucking Strapping Young Lad and manage to make it unlistenable??? Like, you just ripped off a song by one of the most well known and respected extreme metal bands ever, a band which has written god-tier riffs, a legitimately legendary band. And you not only ripped them off, you made it suck.

    Fuck you.

    • Nukenado

      It’s actually quite easy. They just forgot to rip off the rest of Devin’s good riffs.

  • God

    Holy shit. That’s the same exact fucking riff. Like, not even attempting to make it seem original. What the fuvk

  • Machine Head has always been a mediocre band. I will die on this hill.

    • GoatForest

      Move over. I need shoulder room.

  • Count_Breznak

    Dunno, those songs don’t sound like Detox at all. What’s the problem ?

  • Nukenado

    So I thought:
    “nah, it’s probably just a chug section that’s like Devin’s, that happens all the time… the TovH guys are probably doing their critic thing.”
    [Presses play]
    Witnesses in horror as the exact same guitar riff – the exact same notes, the exact same tempo, the exact same guitar tuning, even the exact same placement in the song takes place.
    “Shit.”