It would be really awesome if I could go one day without seeing something so incredibly stupid it didn’t make me long for the sweet embrace of death, but thems the breaks. I’m a lady, and since I’m a lady I’m used to seeing dumb shit said and done by men who think they’re clever. Shouting at women while they’re out grocery shopping? Normal. Pointing at their dick with one hand and you with the other as a greeting? Normal. Naming your band after corpse rape? Totally normal, bros.
So yeah, there’s a band called Dead Girls Can’t Say No. It’s dumb. Before anyone gets all “free speech!” on my ass, I’m not saying they shouldn’t be allowed to pick whatever name they want. By all means, men. If you want people to believe you’re a hardcore misogynist that believes raping and murdering women is a good name for a band in a time when at least a third of all women murdered in the US are killed by their domestic partners, by all means, go for it. Truly you are the lord of edge. Surely, people will admire your bravery. Your willingness to admit how hardcore you are in an era when an average of three women are killed every day is so impressive, people will bow to your superior wit. I’m sure the people of Rhode Island are proud of their community for creating such hilarious guys.
Of course, not everyone can appreciate this kind of subtle humor. Apparently some lady actually thought that her opinion actually mattered. THE NERVE! She actually had the lady balls to suggest that maybe the venue shouldn’t hire them. I mean, what is the world coming to? Does she actually think the internet is a place for opinions? Everyone knows that’s not the case. The internet is for porn. All kinds of porn. Ladies shouldn’t voice their opinions because the world isn’t safe and people shouldn’t try to take a moment and consider our thoughts and feelings. So what if we’re murdered by dudes all the time? So what if this band wants to remind us with their incredible music that women aren’t people and that our corpses are valued more than our living breathing talking bodies.
Cool it, feminists! Don’t you realize that the lead vocalist is a girl, too??
Check out all the support they have! Their true fans know the truth, that feminists are just here to ruin your fun. Man, what kind of world would we live in if we didn’t have bands like this to shove all of the abuse women get on a daily basis into our face? Why do feminists keep having to pop up and remind us that women are literally half the population and maybe it isn’t cool to talk about how you want to murder and rape them all the time? I mean geez, it’s a free country. This is metal. Metal isn’t supposed to be nice, it’s supposed to be brutal. You’re supposed to feel like the men surrounding you and enjoying the nice songs about rape and murder are possibly enjoying the songs because that’s a fantasy of theirs. You’re supposed to feel somewhat threatened by the guys who tell you to stop whining and keep your mouth shut. You’re supposed to keep your opinions to yourself because opinions are for men and the moment you have one, you’re a dirty feminist and you probably can’t even get a man either.
Okay, I’m done. I mean holy shit guys, I can’t keep this up forever. I don’t have the stamina to call people out on their bullshit because there’s just too much of it. Every time some dudes think it’s clever to make rape jokes to women, I can’t help but wonder if they realize that nearly one in every five women in the US is raped. Do you know how exhausting it is to tell people that? Because it doesn’t seem like a lot of people know. Or even want to know. Like, if you think getting pussy is hard now, imagine how hard it is when your humor is based on the fact that the people you want to put your penis in are probably disgusted by you and your inability to see them as people. Let’s not even get into the fact that rape fantasies are one of the most common types of porn in existence, or that the internet has numbed people so much that a lot of men don’t even realize what rape is.
Guys, I know you’re not all idiots. #NotAllMen is a hashtag I don’t need to use because obviously there exist some really intelligent guys who understand that the world generally treats women like shit, and maybe they shouldn’t. So I’m asking you as a personal favor to maybe take a look at the kind of metal you support and why. If you want to keep supporting bands that glorify rape and murder, go right ahead. Obviously nobody can stop you. Just remember that if you’re straight, you might actually want to talk to a girl someday.
And yes, even edgy “Im not like other girls” girls might be turned off by the idea of going to a show with a band who’s name invokes images of Bill Cosby or Brock Turner. I could be wrong, though. Maybe you’ll find a diamond. Or hell, maybe you can afford a really good Real Doll. They don’t talk back, either.