Let’s Talk About This Obscure Cephalic Carnage/Anal Blast Split

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One day I was at my local record store, trying to find some solid grindcore or goregrind. I was looking for one album in particular because it had a totally perverse and hilarious cover, but snagged something else because it seemed pretty sweet. I got to the counter and realized that I didn’t have enough money for both CDs (scrub life representin’). The dude behind the counter advised that I buy the random one that I found because it was out of print. So, being the douche that I am, I naturally went for the weird, rare album. I walked out of that store with a beaten up copy of the Cephalic Carnage/Anal Blast split, Perversion… And the Guilt After/ Version 5.0bese. 

Prior to hearing this album, I had only heard a bit of CC and I hadn’t heard of Anal Blast at all. I was incredibly excited to listen, because the booklet was teeming with pictures that would make non-slam fans vomit. I was in for an adventure, my friends.

Upon starting it up, I was greeted by a weird, trippy intro, a couple seconds of grindcore, and Elmo’s voice (because weed, man). Then, out of fucking nowhere came one of the heaviest, most blistering series of deathgrind songs that I’ve ever heard. The opening riff for “Exhumed Remains” still makes me involuntarily scowl and subsequently lose my shit. The party continues with some quick and to-the-point grind, and a sweet bass lead and sample in “The Struggle”. The next three songs are kind of just a string of funny titles, weird samples, and grindcore. I know I’m making this sound generic, but I don’t think a person can really describe the CC experience other than saying that these guys are absolute masters of their craft, and that they make some of the best grind out there. The title track pops on and slows things down a tad, adding in some tasteful grooves and froggy vokills. The following ten songs (yes, ten) are basically a big “fuck you” to everyone that listens to this nonsense, but with jokey self-awareness. I fully appreciate the lack of effort that went into this. I feel like the ideas came as a “spark of genius” after murdering a gravity bong. Song number twenty is eloquently titled “Occular Penile Recepticle” and offers up some of the most stellar vocal production I’ve ever heard, along with some gnarly chugging and gargantuan blasts. The next and final song, “17 Minutes of Your Time”, mocks all of us idiots that listen to these other idiots play idiotic idiocy, quite literally flushing us down the toilet.

Overall, the legitimate songs on this portion of the split are God-tier in my book, and are some of the most ripping deathgrind jams that I’ve ever heard. Give it a listen yourselves. You shall not regret it.  -1/5 Flushes (negation due to toilet sample). (Joe Note: I don’t have artwork for negative flushes)

After thoroughly cleaning my ears of all the involuntarily impacted bong resin from listening to CC, I let the disk play once again in order to complete my quest and indulge in the absurdities of Anal Blast.

I was skeptical at first, and expected some overwhelmingly unexceptional goregrind due to the grotesque booklet and tongue-in-cheek song titles, like if Anal Cunt got a hold of a pitch-shifter and more talent. The opening track started up and I was immediately taken aback. I wasn’t hearing the verbal equivalent of a swirley from your local school bully. It was actually pretty enjoyable. It was nothing that I hadn’t heard at that time, so I will write this from my current perspective, as the AB contribution to this split has absolutely grown on me.

The first few songs are pretty straightforward, and I think that’s definitely a good thing. If someone were to ask me what grindcore and death metal sounded like when combined, I would have them listen to Version 5.0bese. It’s the most logical amalgamation of the two genres. “Clottage Cheese” was the first track to stick out, mainly because of the hilarious opening sample. Honestly, the musical element doesn’t make any new developments until “Smells Like Fish… Tastes Like Chicken”. This song is a chugging monster, and I really wish it lasted longer than 45 seconds. Things go back to normal for the next song; just your archetypal deathgrind. Then, out of left field, comes a true, discernible riff! Hallelujah! The next song places more focus on the death metal side of things, giving a nice little break from the utter psychocity of everything . Then “Bloody Fucking Mess”  blows through the door and creates… well… a bloody fucking mess. This. Song. Grinds. Like, really goddamn hard. It may be riff-saladesque, but I like my grind to have guitar chord ADHD, so I’m fine with it. After this grotesque clusterfuck of core, “Disease Ridden Hole” creates total confusion in my already scrambled head. This riff is so simplistic, but so well written. It’s not the best song here, but it disorients me with its ease and effectiveness.

Anal Blast don’t necessarily bring anything new to the table, but they set a fantastic example of deathgrind throughout. If you like this style of music, and gross jokes about dicks and yeast infections, this is your band. There isn’t much diversity, but who the fuck cares? Their name is Anal Blast for Christ’s sake. If it doesn’t hit a spark with you immediately, give it a few listens. It’s a grower, not a shower. 1.75/5 Flushes. (Joe Note: Come on, man) This is a pretty obscure album. If you find it, definitely give it a purchase!

What do you all think? Are you a fan of immature jokes? Do the samples from Cephalic Carnage songs scare you when you reefer addicts are bonging it up? Me, Myself, and Irene was a funny, but Ace Ventura was better IMO. Wake the fuck up! Coffee beans aren’t the only thing you are going to be grinding!

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  • Randall Thor

    I remember finding Anal Blast in college when my roommate and I decided it’d be funny to see how many bands had “Anal” in their name.

    • Call the Slambulance

      I bet that was a long week.

  • I have been farting in my office all day. Let me tell you it is frightening worrying about people possibly walking in. Know what I mean?

    The Preversion song is slamming btw, nice!

    GL

    • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

      Back Breeze FTW

    • Tyree

      I just let it happen and let the my coworkers smell the exquisite stench of what I really ate for lunch.

  • W.

    Loved this article.

    • Edward Meehan

      I did as well.

      Call The Slambulance >>>

      • Call the Slambulance

        You guys are so sweet :’)

  • Tyree

    I know a lot of people are pissed that Cephalic Carnage are playing all of their older material and none of their newer shit at MDF next year. I’m the complete opposite. I like the older Cephalic Carnage. Conforming To Abnormality, Exploiting Dysfunction, and Lucid Interval are my favorite albums by them. This CC side of this split is killer too!

    • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

      agree

      • Tyree

        High five BRAH!

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I really really really really like Anomalies.

      • Tyree

        That’s a Bingo!

    • more beer

      I saw Celphalic twice this summer Didn`t think their set the first time was all that good. The second time they played more old shit and was a killer set.

      • Tyree

        I’m not really a huge fan over their newer over the top tech stuff. I like my CC to be sort of sloppy, brutal, and trippy.

        • more beer

          I`m not either. I think like a lot of tech band`s they have a hard time doing that stuff live. what work`s in the studio doesn`t really work so well live CC included. I like a more brutal less produced sound more raw and hard.

    • Howard Dean

      I love that video where a fight breaks out in the pit at a Cephalic Carnage show and the band jumps right into “Eye of the Tiger” without skipping a beat. It’s unreal!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNV1Ou8JGiI

      • Tyree

        Hahahahaha! Byah! That was great.

  • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

    My wife is gonna love when I play Elmo’s Song for the dude

  • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

    Can some one dub that Anal Blast song over this video pretty please?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ0m9fsOAp8

    • also, plz add #REKT in neon comic sans the second he hits her, and repeat it over and over, reversing it and slow-mo and adding Michael Bay explosions.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Wat about lens flares?

  • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

    Off topic- I wish the metallum forums were as pleasant as here. I went there this morning, and instantly understood why I should never go there again.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      What happened, bae?

      • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

        I set my forum signature to “this is ahuh, wow” and an entire thread was derailed due to everyone’s trve kvlt jimmies getting too rustled.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          If you feel sad, my shoulder is here for you to cry against.

          • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

            Don’t worry, I have only tears of laughter

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Then I will make it my duty to see you cry tears of sadness, one way or another.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            You’re already making me cry tears of sadness due to your hatred of Asia, In Flames and ELP.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Sweet tears. I’ll bottle them and drink them.

          • W.

            His tears sustain you.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I feed from the misery of others.

          • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

            I’ll just hide my allegiance to the mighty BOLT THR… I mean.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What the fuck is BOLTTHR?

          • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell
          • Gurp

            Bolt Thrower?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Is it bad that I’ve never heard of them?

          • Gurp

            YES. BAD ANUS, BAD! WHERE’S MY SPRAY BOTTLE?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Get that fucking thing away from me or I will release the molester corn!

          • Howard Dean

            You can’t be serious.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m afraid I am.

          • Howard Dean

            Damn. Wow.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Metal was not the first genre of music I started to listen. It came pretty latebwhen compared to the other genres I enjoy,

          • Howard Dean

            I can understand that. It’s just incredible that you’ve never heard of or encountered Bolt Thrower during your time listening to metal. You listen to a lot of black and death metal. Bolt Thrower is a highly regarded and “famous” old school death metal band. It would be akin to someone saying they had never heard of Autopsy or Morbid Angel.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I don’t listen to that much death metal anymore, mostly black metal. I guess I should check them out.

          • Howard Dean

            Bolt Thrower are ridiculously good death metal. They started out as a crusty grind/death metal band, evolved to a fast, dirty, and loose death metal sound during their early-mid period, and then settled into a massive, riff-driven mid-paced death metal sound from the IV Crusade onward. Really good stuff.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            From my experience, if you say that something is good, it most likely is good.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Don’t make me divorce you. You’ve already made me sad when it comes to Asia, Journey, ELP and In Flames. Don’t make me sad when it comes to Styx, Foreigner, REO Speedwagon and Santana.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I hate all of those as well, except for Santana. I have no opinions on that.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I want a divorce. I get custody over McNulty.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            McNulty is not an object! He is my friend!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            No, he’s my best friend.

    • Howard Dean

      The metal-archives can be a rough place. I used to post on the forums, but now I pretty much just lurk and use the encyclopedia. They are still very content-heavy and informative, which I think is their strongest suit. But I feel like they used to be more laidback and had a bit more humor to them. Now the forums are super intense. Some posters are flat-out humorless, and people will get shot down and embarrassed for honest mistakes. You go there and on a daily basis you can see ShaolinLambKiller, Napero, or Zodijackyl just eviscerate someone for no reason. It’s like a cutthroat feeding frenzy for piranhas.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Napero sounds like a Finnish guy. At least it’s a Finnish word.

    • Call the Slambulance

      Shit posting on my article? 5/5 clogs to the Toilet

  • Xan

    I’m going to go to Best Buy and ask if they have any music by Anal Blast. That’ll give me a laugh or two.

    • Thissitecracksmeup

      I used to listen to band who’s name was Sweaty Nipples. I bought ’em just because of the name and fell in love with the album. I’m laughing at the thought of a Sweaty Nipples Anal Blast tour lol

      • Call the Slambulance

        No fucking way! I bought a Sweaty Nipples CD at a local record store for fifty cents or something ridiculous like that. I wouldn’t say I fell in love, but I don’t regret the purchase.

        • DeeSnarl

          Sweaty Nipples were a big deal in Portland in the very early 90s. Insane live shows…

          • Call the Slambulance

            That’s awesome! I can imagine that they have a gnarly stage presence.

          • DeeSnarl

            Yeah, half naked men spraying shaving cream on each other and crap. One of them owned the biggest local record store (Locals Only), too, so that probably contributed to their notoriety….

          • Call the Slambulance

            That sounds like my kind of show haha.

          • Thissite racksmeup

            Yeah – I live in OH. And the one random cd of theirs was entitled bug harvest. Apperently they had at least one more album after that, but I truly respected the vision that guys had for their music and their fans. I was lead to believe that they sometimes had people on stage sometimes who could get a tattoo.
            Just so much fun 🙂

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I love the album cover that rips off AOL. It’s so cool.

  • Guacamole Jim

    The second “Joe note” made me chuckle. I immediately stopped once I started listening to the music, then began leaping around my office, punching shit so nothing would be higher than my dick. Thanks for getting me fired, Slambulance.

    • Call the Slambulance

      I’m always here to help ruin your life, Guacbro.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Well, now that I’m unemployed I’ll have tons of time to listen to Cephalic Carnage, who I am legitimately digging.

        • Call the Slambulance

          Hell yeah! CC is crazy, but they’re oh so sweet.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Trying telepathy…*Cephalic Carnage come in…come in…please make a new record, please…I repeat, we need a new record…end transmission*.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Cephalic Carnage: lol nope. 420 blaze it

  • Tyree
    • Metaphysical Anus
      • Tyree

        Not short enough, won’t listen.

        PS, This song rules though.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Grindcore purist Tyree:
          Song is over one minute, not grindcore.

  • Always love walking into a record shop and finding that one album you’ve been searching for for years. There’s this small local shop in Colorado i like to visit and every time i go in there, i find some obscure album that I’ve not seen in any other shop around here. This shop is where i discovered the magic of Mr. Bungle, Melvins, and Neurosis. Granted this was all when i was in my nu-metal phase and thought nothing could be heavier than Slipknot or System of a Down.

    I have to thank the dude who works there that has similar music tastes. Without him, they wouldn’t carry all that awesome shit

  • Now i’m gonna have Elmo-s theme stuck in my head all day. Thanks Slambulance!!

  • HessianHunter

    Omg Anal Blast was (I think) the first Minnesota-based extreme band that anyone in other parts of the country MIGHT have heard of. I don’t think anyone around here actually likes them, they just like swapping weird stories about how their old guitarist was their cab driver once or whatever. CC is fucking stellar, it’s hilarious to me that they did a split way back when.

    • more beer

      Really the stories people there tell are about the old guitar player giving them a cab ride? Not about Don Decker`s vile disgusting self? I say that with the utmost respect as Don was a friend.

      • HessianHunter

        I was referring to a conversation I personally had with someone, I’ve heard that Don Decker was a beloved asshole, but that’s really all I know about him. It’s not like Anal Blast has a detailed Wikipedia page, y’know?

        • more beer

          Yes he was a beloved asshole but he loved metal and did a lot for the scene up there when he was alive.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            He’s dead? That’s a shame as he sounds like a cool guy. I also love that Anal Blast album cover.

      • HessianHunter

        And wait a second, Wikipedia is claiming Joey Jordison was involved in Anal Blast. IS THIS TRUTH!?!? DAFUQ!?!?

        • more beer

          He was when they first started. I know it`s fuckin shocking. He became a total sellout and Decker kept doing his thing.

  • Rizzle01

    I bought this album way back in the day when Anal Blast played some shitty bar in Boise. They are hella funny to watch live. After every song the singer would pause and announce the next song and all of the titles were horrible goregrind type song names. It was hilarious.