Let’s Talk About “My Dick” and Terrible Ideas for Bands

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My Dick the band, that is. I don’t know you that well.

Musicians/drunks (jk, you’re the same people): Have you ever spent an evening drinking far too much with your best bro? In the process of doing internal damage have you ever come up THE. MOST. HILARIOUS. IDEA. FOR. A. BAND. EVER? BRO? BRO! I have and I bet you have as well. None of my (especially) stupid ideas ever got off the ground but fortunately there are bros out there with far more moxie than I.

Which brings me to… My Dick. I’m not talking about My Dick to be unnecessarily crass; the band in question is called My Dick. I first came across My Dick’s Double Full-Length Release a year and a half ago and since then not a month has gone by that I haven’t listened to the whole thing at least once. The concept of My Dick is simple, drunken perfection. Bros “Cool Hand” and “Hand Solo” faithfully recreated the instrumentation of 21 massively successful pop songs (and 2 Christmas tunes). Then they replaced most of the lyrics with the words “My” and “Dick”. That’s it. “But Joe, that’s stupid” you’re probably saying because you are a straightedge nerd. Yes, it is extremely stupid. Therein lies the joy. Let’s listen to some My Dick tracks.

I can think of no better introduction to the project than “Two Dicks”, My Dick’s take on the venerable Spin Doctors classic “Two Princes”.

 

Maybe you’re looking for more classic fare. Check out “Imagine Dick” (a massive improvement over the milquetoast Ringo McCartney original).

 

I know there are several Tracy Chapman fans in the audience. For you, I present “Fast Dick”.

 

I am a shameless Suzanne Vega fan, but “My Name is My Dick” completely eclipses her original work.

 

There are so many absurdly great songs on the album (including “Dick in Heaven” which is so damn good I won’t spoil it here). I offer my supreme commendation to these dudes for their amazing commitment to a stupid joke. My Dick’s Double Full-Length Release is amazing and you must listen to the entire my dick.

 

This all brings us to a greater question of “Why does man create”? And when man creates, why does he choose to explore really dumb ideas extensively? And very rarely, why is that stupid idea so damn good? Please, tell me about your dumbest band idea below. In the meantime, go like My Dick on Facebook because that won’t look weird to your coworkers at all.

 

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  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    You don’t know me that well? But Joe I thought we had something special here!

  • Death

    I don’t think I understand this one.

  • Joe I don’t even

  • Unrelated, but I just found this and it is so perfect. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOCNyrRs1HA&feature=youtu.be

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    This makes me unreasonably happy

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Also it kinda sounds like Andy Samburg singing.

    • only one song in… funnier than Steel Panther!

  • Edward
    • I would love to hear a My Dick cover of this.

      • Edward

        … the (meta) loop is complete.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • it feels really awkard to pick one of their songs for the first listen… Jajajaja!!

    • Guacamole Jim

      Just dive on in.. get your hands dirty.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    I di(g/ck) the dick, not only my dick but my dick as well. It’s so goddamn stupid and bad it’s oddly comforting. Not sure how long I could keep listening to this though.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    1:12 – 1:30 of the Tracy Chapman cover is the best thing.

  • nbm02ss

    Blasting this in my car at red lights nets loads of double takes.

    • Edward

      Welcome to the Toilet!

  • Beunhaas

    But does my dick Skronk?

    • Not sure, but I think my dick weedly deedlies.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      SKRONKDICK new band name I called it!

      • Stockhausen

        I’m in. Dibs on washboard.

  • Guacamole Jim

    When papa Joe first showed me this, I laughed until I cried. Then I showed all my friends, who did the same. Now it’s a time honoured tradition for my buddies and I to get together and consume large quantities of alcohol whilst uproariously laughing at My Dick, as well as my dick.

  • Papa Joe,

    http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/toiletovhell.com

    Check it. You are ranked! Albeit it is only 475,441 in the USA but. hey, I am proud!

    GL

    • WOOOO!

    • Edward

      475,441 is nothing to turn a nose at, I bet there are way more sites in the USA than that!

    • we’ll get it up there

    • 5 months later we’re ranked 351,143. Slowly but surely!

      • HA I check it about ever other week. Fine work sir! Slow and steady!

        • 8 months later and we’re at 188,822!

          • From what I have noticed (I still check poften), we have been floating right at that number pretty consistently. Again, fine work!

  • Mother Shabubu III

    It all started with the band name. Although this stuff was created without any substance assistance. Our genres include Pure Japanese Ultrashit, Hornytoad Disco rock, and JackBauerviolence.

    …or like a basement noise rock band equivalent of Tim and Eric.

    https://soundcloud.com/tvshbe/sets/mega-fahrenheit-party-of-the

  • IronLawnmower

    More dicks than a gay porno!

  • Scrimm

    HAHAHaHA holy shit me and some associates had a drunken band about 10 years agoas well called pantycide and my stage name was gonna be Hand Solo.

  • Keegan Lavern Still

    My best friend and I have tossed around a few ideas for dumb musical bullshit that should probably not materialize for the sake of good taste.

    One is a single rap song about the pains and labors of being a middle class white guy; including wondering what kind of basic bitch diet to start for the sake of his basic bitch girlfriend, having said basic bitch girlfriend leave him because of reasons, and going to see and promptly having his ass chewed out by a psychotherapist in a super hardcore gangster rap section. It would be written entirely in 4/4 time except for a single 3/4 measure strewn somewhere in there just to fuck with people.

    The other is a series of ungodly awful and awkward vocal covers. Think Andy Rehfeldt, except not as good or musically inclined. Mumbling, complete absence of rhythm and pitch, inappropriately strained falsettos, and noticeably heavy breathing. All of these and more would be present. An initial song to start with was Fear Factory’s “Replica”, but we figured that Bell’s vocals were awkward enough.

  • Gurp

    i have had exactly 6.5 hrs of sleep in the past 48 hours and i just wanted to let you know that this is exactly what i needed to hear

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    I’m gonna name my next project “Nude Celebrity Photos,” “President Obama,” “Gamergate,” or “Stem Cell Research” just so we can totally piggyback on the google searches.

    • JWG

      One of my many random un-serious ideas was a grindcore project with lyrics entirely borrowed (stolen) from Wil Wheaton’s Twitter account.
      I would have called it “Shut Up, Wesley”. And it would have been glorious.

      Especially since the current album could be written entirely based on his Tweets about (and his Tweets about the angry Tweets replying to his Tweets about) #Gamergate.

      You may totally take that idea, if you want, but you have to promise me you’ll use my proposed name for either the band or at least its first album.

  • KJM
  • CyberneticOrganism

    Jesus christ this is fucking brilliant

    *jumps in molten lava for not thinking of it first*

  • Bözlinger

    This band made my lose my mind and turn into a 5 y/o. So great

  • Squibble Skwonk

    Without even hearing one note from these guys I already love everything about them.

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    Not sure I have enough balls to admit to my girlfriend that I’m listening to My Dick.

    She’d probably just accuse me of doing that all the time anyway.

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    This band has changed my life, thank you so much

    • Glad to be of service!

      • Sponge Of Mystery

        I’ve showed 10 people this already today