Let’s help Corey Taylor think of a better book title

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America 51: Derp 4 Lyfe just doesn’t have enough zip to it.

Screamy mask-person Corey Taylor is releasing a book about how great it is to be an American living in America, and how when you’re not actually in America, you view everything as though your eyeballs were still there. In America, that is. Or something. The full title of his book, America 51: A Probe Into The Realities That Are Hiding Inside The Greatest Country In The World, doesn’t exactly make its point clear. And yes, that’s the actual title, even though it sounds like a poor attempt at the longest and least interesting book title ever to adorn a publication reduced to 99¢ at the local bookstore’s going-out-of-business sale.

A few months ago Joe gave us an exclusive look at an excerpt from this book, but apparently the publisher is still having doubts about that lengthy title, since it’s not something the average Slipknot fan will have luck spelling properly when they get it tattooed on their neck in bad scripty font.

Pictured: A fan of America and Star Wars, the America of movies

Mr. Dreadlock Mask Man loves long titles, having written two other books like A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven: (Or, How I Made Peace with the Paranormal and Stigmatized Zealots and Cynics in the Process), and You’re Making Me Hate You: A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left. If you’ve ever listened to timeless metal classics like Spit It Out and Eeyore and thought, “I wonder what makes that shouty gentleman tick?” then surely these books will pique your interest! Just check out this glowing review from a pickup truck:

(click to embiggen)

Since all of us here at TovH are enormous fans of Yelling Jumpsuit Guy, let’s all pitch in and help him think of a better book title. Let’s make sure that forlorn dad browsing Barnes & Noble for yet another of his nephews’ birthdays notices this book and purchases it in the interest of reading about what the guy from Stone Sour thinks about our country, then gives up reading it due to his hectic work-from-home schedule, but affords the book a permanent place on his basement toilet tank lid. After all, we support our rock star heroes and we want them to do well! I certainly appreciate your contributions to this endeavor, and Sir Spooky Face appreciates them as well (probably)!

“I push my fingers into your eyes in thanks!” – Corey Taylor

 – – – – – – – – – –

America 51: Random Collection Of Words Around The Word America Because America Is The Only Thing You’re Going To Notice. America. See?

America 51: I’ve Felt The Hate Rise Up In Me Kneel Down And Clear The Stone Of Leaves I Wonder Out Where You Can’t See Inside My Shell I Wait And Bleed

America 51: Fifty One Reasons You Will Not Buy This Book

America 51: Thinkin’ ‘Bout ‘Merica

America 51: Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, By Which I Mean My Albums That Have Bombed Critically, Because My Music Is For People Who Wear Jncos And Pierce Their Own Lips

America 51: Ghosts & Shit, Dude

America 51: Can You Believe That One Slipknot Album With The Fucking Sexy Skeleton Costume As The Album Art Ahh Ha Ha Ha Ha WTF LOL Anyway Buy This Book Plz

America 51: How I Got This Star Wars Shirt

America 51: You Don’t Need To Bother I Don’t Need To Be I’ll Keep Slipping Farther But Once I Hold On I Won’t Let Go ‘Til It Bleeds – Remember That Song? That Was Me, Corey Taylor

America 51: 51 Shades Of Clown

America 51: Can You Believe People Paid Me To Bang On Beer Kegs

America 51: There’s A Funny Story Behind Why We Call Slipknot Fans Maggots, It All Stems From This One Incident At Our First Show In Ohio (clipped for brevity) …Subway Sandwich And The Total Was $6.66 Dude That Was Crazy So After That (clipped for brevity) …Pulled His Pants Back Up And That’s Where The Name Maggots Came From

America 51: Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem

 


If you have a suggestion for a book title, please share in the comments below.

(via via via)

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Let’s help Corey Taylor think of a way to shut the fuck up.

  • Dumpster Lung

    Papyrus containing 51 reasons to be thankful for living in America, written by he who is a self-important clown-person.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      He was way cooler when he was still barking out “YOUCAN’TSEECALIFORNIAWITHOUTMARLONBRANDOEYES” 50 times in a row while jumping up and down in that orange jumpsuit. Dude makes a whiny Spiderman theme song and all of the sudden he thinks he’s the next Bruce Springsteen.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLubS6QOMsQ

      • Dumpster Lung

        Lol I forgot (or never knew maybe) he did a song for Spiderman. Was it for that first movie? I remember the song Nickelback made for it (back when they were a bit overrated but not downright offensive to my ears) being a big thing at the time.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          That Nickelback song was pretty damn terrible to my ears.
          But…
          How You Remind Me is not the worst radio rock song.

          • Depechemodeisgangsta

            Ah i actually got to see that song the spiderman one played live, because it was the Rock Radio concert and the main bands, Nickelback and Saliva.

          • Dumpster Lung

            Yeah, I mean I never got real excited for any of their stuff, but it wasn’t bad for what it was. It was when they started trying to get edgy with their lyrics that they got extremely annoying, plus they amassed a huge following of like trashy kinda middle-aged rednecks.

            I’ve seen a guy in his mid 40s with an Affliction shirt a size too small grinding with an equally gross chick to that Animals song. Kinda says it all right there.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Most of the time I’m kinda indifferent about Nickelback. At the end of the day I find them easy to ignore, so to me they’re rather harmless.

          • Dumpster Lung

            Yeah were it not for a couple of scarring sights like the one I described, it wouldn’t have been nearly so bad haha.

          • Hans Moleman

            Yeah.
            Yeah.
            Yeah.
            No, no.

        • Depechemodeisgangsta

          I had to google it, cause i was thinking the same, it was the other band Stone Sour-Bother.

        • Rick Chard

          Don’t forget sum 41 feat Kerry King…….

      • Hans Moleman

        Wow, it’s been ages. That whole intro with the break beat amazed me back then. Now it just sounds generic, but the song still kinda does it for me… at least the first half.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          I quite honestly think the first two Slipknot albums are very good albums given time, place and context. Say what you will, but I haven’t heard any other metal that sounds like them on those two albums – and to be honest, they still have their own sound. The only thing is, Slipknot for me is the lunatic industrial-tinged alt metal of S/T and Iowa, not the arena groove stuff they’ve been making since Vol III.

  • Howard Dean

    “Corey Taylor? Oh man, I learned all of my edge from that dude. Fuckin’ vos Savant of book writings and edge, man. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

    THVG LIFE

    http://68.media.tumblr.com/ca6f61624164c221b0460bfd6f4d6646/tumblr_inline_mg4ohe57S51qlqn54.jpg

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Nattramn really is the indisputable King ov Edge.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZlZuYp1fZc

      • Howard Dean
      • Depechemodeisgangsta

        Sorry for my ignorance, i had a friend for like a week nonstop told me to listen to this band, is not my cup of tea, but i did enjoyed reading about the band, and all the crazy stuff the singer did.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          90% of those stories are most probably hoax, but the album itself is a great album when you’re in the right mood. The vocals take some time to get used to, but the instrumental work is downright hypnotic.

          • Depechemodeisgangsta

            I read that the singer wrote a book, IDK what is about since i didn’t try searching for it.
            The music was ok for me, not my style, but the vocals was just too creepy for me.

    • Black Smallbeard

      black metal body type

  • Joaquin Stick

    America 151: Rum, Pineapple Juice and Malibu, Caribou, Get Them All Numb

    • CyberneticOrganism

      America 5150: Van Hagar

    • Black Smallbeard

      this is quality

    • James

      Tech 9ine. The nu-metal solution to rap.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve leafed through the ghost one (actually have a freebie copy of it) and the angry one and as far as famous people thinking they’re insightful and funny enough to write books books go, they aren’t too shabby. Guy can tell a story ok and he’s got a little wit, which puts him ahead of most of them. By no means great of course, but a little better than you might expect.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      To be fair, he does have a little wit at times.

    • UnjollyIrishman

      His book writing is certainly better than his lyric writing, thats for sure.

  • JWG79

    America: it’s not Canada, eh (sorry).

  • People Are Shit And I Am Too – The Life And Times Of Corey Taylor While He Waits And Bleeds Because He Was Pissed That He Couldn’t See California Without Marlon Brando’ s Eyes

    • JWG79

      Better Marlon Brando’s eyes than Bette Davis, though…

  • KyleJMcBride
    • more beer

      I don’t think that is going to be too big of an issue. There is way too much revenue involved. Even if they are using the opioid crisis as a reason. People see right thru that. It is just reefer madness at it’s finest. Like I told you a whle back. The cat is out of the bag. There is no way they can stop legalization at this point. Also get yourself a medical card. They will not mess with medicinal at all.

      • KyleJMcBride

        I don’t see Massachusetts cooperating with the Trump admin on anything, least of all this.

        • more beer

          I don’t see any of the legal states. Being willing to give up the tax revenue.

          • KyleJMcBride
          • more beer

            The more i read about it yesterday. The more I think it was that Spicer guy talking out of his ass.

          • KyleJMcBride

            That seems to be the professional consensus.

          • more beer

            Watching that guy do his job. Is like watching a deer in headlights. I just don’t see these greedy bastards. being willing to pass on money like that.

        • Black Smallbeard

          im pretty sure this is more of an extension of the immigrant thing. most law enforcement and police agencies know now they shouldnt be cracking down on recreational users. not to mention all the state support it has, and the supposed support trump has for states rights.

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        I went to Colorado a while ago, and everybody was happy with the legalization, even people who wouldn’t even touch marijuana. The huge economic boost it has given the state (I swear I paid like $10 in taxes for a cannabis chocolate bar) just can’t be denied. I have never been to Washington but I’ve been told its the same thing over there

        • more beer

          I live in Colorado. The taxes on recreational marijuana are steep. But I have a medical card. So the taxes are more in line with normal sales tax. But the financial gain to the state is incredible. I can think of at least 10 places around Denver. Where they have built new schools or are building new schools. There is no way the state is going to let the federal government take this kind of revenue from them.

  • UnjollyIrishman

    America 51: 25 Reasons Why Donald Trump Is A Cunt And 26 Reasons Why I, As A Committed Liberal, Refuse To Do Anything About Him

  • Count_Breznak

    America 51: Just be glad I skipped America 1-50.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Leonard Part 51

  • Black Smallbeard

    America 51: Please Clap

  • Rob M

    America 51: Hey… Metalsucks thinks Im cool.

  • Rob M

    America 51: At least Im not Robb Flynn

  • Rob M

    America 51: Because that table leg wont level itself

  • Rob M

    America 51: A Written Word Cure for Insomnia

  • more beer

    America 51: 51 More Reasons I Can’t Shut the Fuck Up!

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    America 51: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow

    (that was 51 meows, btw)

  • Heliocrat

    I bet this isn’t a original observation per se but Is there a difference between a slipknotter and a Juggalo? ‘Cause from afar I can’t tell the difference.

  • Hans Moleman

    America 51: I Hope You Buy This Cause It Made You Think Of That New Model Army Song You Kinda Like

  • Rick Chard

    America: Remember when we were in that awful Rollerball remake??

    • Dumpster Lung

      Ha! I forgot all about that. I remember when that came out, and even though I was around 13, I was still disappointed by pretty much every aspect of it other than the fact that I think I remember there being a boob or two in it at one point.

      I rented it from a mom ‘n’ pop video store in West Virginia, of all places lol

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    America 51: Why I Haven’t Moved To Canada Like I Said I Would Yet

  • The Mighty Thorange

    ‘America: Or how a bunch of cunts made shite music that wouldn’t sell so we created a retarded mask wearing gimmick so we could appeal to 13 year old’s who want to be edgy.’