Down the Internet Rabbit Hole: The SCP Database

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Have you ever thought, “You know, I don’t waste enough time on the internet”? Luckily for you, we have a way to make sure you never sleep again.

As any self-respecting flusher will tell you, metal is more than just a genre. It can be an outlook that seeps into your everyday life, like a possibly serious medical condition. A love of metal can frame everything from your entertainment choices, the clothes you wear, the people you hang around, and how you choose to smell. While there is a world of diversity among us metalheads, it seems like we can find common ground in a love for all things creepy, absurd, macabre, horrifying, and mysterious. Whether we’re describing books, movies, or video games, we love finding ways to use “metal” as an adjective. That doesn’t mean that the thing we’re describing is only accessible to metalheads, just that it can be considered a no-brainer for someone who loves blast beats and brutality.

It is along those lines that we present the website www.scp-wiki.net to the Toilet. What we have here is essentially an online mythos: a user-generated world that explores mystery, horror, and the unknown to the nth degree. The website is presented as a very convincing database of the fictional SCP (Secure, Contain, Protect) Foundation, a massive, shadowy organization that deals with all paranormal and unexplained phenomena on Earth. Each piece is presented in a strict format as a “case file,” or a document that explains a particular paranormal instance. You can read any of the 2,000+ files, tales that center around Foundation personnel and SCP interaction, or experiment logs that give greater detail into this massively addictive world.

So why is this on a metal blog, you ask? Like I said above, this one is a no-brainer for us metal folk. The subjects of these case files range from a lake of blood that leads to another dimension, a murderous statue, a staircase with no bottom but plenty of evil entities, to a pizza box that, when opened, has a slice of your favorite pizza waiting (ok, not all of them are dark and scary, but pizza is good). Stockhausen ‘n friends are going to help you get started, so kick back and check out a few of our favorites, accompanied by a metal track that fits the dark and dismal mood of these things. (Disclaimer: the Toilet ov Hell is not responsible for the massive amounts of time lost to the SCP website).

Stockhausen’s Picks

dsc07022

So judgmental.

SCP-517: Grammie Knows 

Kickin’ off our list is SCP-517. The object is a standard, coin-operated fortune telling machine called “Grandmother Predictions,” but the power cord is cut and there is no reaction when a coin is inserted. Instead, it’s activated when any human is within its field of vision. The “grandmother” figure inside turns to face the target, and a fortune is produced. Fortunes tend to be douchey, passive-aggressive comments that suggest you could have done better (e.g., Grandma hates you for joining that infernal heavy metal band). But it doesn’t stop there, of course. At precisely 1:43 am the following night/morning, DISEMBODIED ARMS APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH. The arms tend to materialize from cramped, dark places, and can extend indefinitely. When apprehended, the target is dragged to the source of the arms and beaten savagely until sunrise. If the subject flees, more arms will appear from suitable areas near the target. There have been no survivors thus far. There may be things that are more brutal than the animatronic upper body of a disappointed old lady conjuring ghostly arms from hell to reduce you to a pile of bloody wet flesh, but so far I haven’t found those things.

Many of the more involved SCPs involve an experiment log or an incident report, and we got one right here. This incident report tells of an SCP researcher who accidentally came within view of SCP-517 when supervising its transport, and the Foundation took extreme countermeasure in an effort to ensure her survival when 1:43 AM rolled around (spoiler alert: she doesn’t make it). Make sure you read it too.

When I first set out to choose a song to accompany SCP-517, Dying Fetus’s “Subjected to a Beating” immediately came to mind. But it felt a little too obvious, and I wanted to get at the dreadful anticipation that comes with waiting until 1:43. I finally settled on “Driftwood” by Secret Cutter. They’re a three-piece sludge/doom/grind band that found the “heavy” knob in their sound and turned it to 11. This song captures the feeling of certain destruction hanging over your head: the curious intro signals the swirl of emotions when granny sets her sights on you, and the massive, sludgy/grindy mess that follows tells you, in no uncertain terms, that you’re a goner. The shrieking vocals depict both your abject fear and misery, as well as the mean, intensely malevolent judgment dealt upon your unlucky existence. Sorry bro. 1:43 AM kicks in around the 3:30 mark, and, well, you know the rest. Buy the album here.

 

SCP-231: Special Personnel Requirements

If the world “brutal” describes our first example, then “dark” is what applies to this one. SCP-231 is shrouded in mystery. We know that some sort of cult was involved, and that seven females were rescued when a violent ritual was raided. We know that six of the seven have since died, and the circumstances of each were questionable at best. We know that a certain procedure is essential to the containment of SCP-231-7, and that failure to go by said procedure can result in the birth of something very, very bad. Many SCP files block out sections of text, claiming that data has been redacted or expunged, giving a realistic and officially confidential feel to the piece. This one uses that effect in a masterful way, casting a mysterious shadow over this particular case and leaving a terrifying amount to the imagination. The nature of Procedure 110-Montauk is pretty obvious, but the reasoning, specific results, and details are fascinatingly vague. As if to taunt you even further, the author left a mysterious trail of poetic breadcrumbs in the source code of the page. Spend some time in this one, but don’t be surprised when you find yourself in a dark place.

The accompanying song for this one had to be appropriately horrifying. I probed the depths of the internet and found a track entitled “All the Dread Magnificence of Perversity” by Gnaw Their Tongues. This project is the work of Maurice de Jong, AKA Mories (of Cloak of Altering fame), whose formidable discography boasts dark, twisted interpretations of everything you thought you knew. Gnaw Their Tongues specializes in monumental walls of ghostly, misshapen masses that loom on the horizon, casting sinister shadows much farther than should be possible.  There’s a band in there if you really listen for it, but leagues of blackened noise, tortured screams, and primal fear are standing in your way. Check out the track, and buy the album here.

 

W’s Picks

scp_354_test_sample_containment_room_by_600v-d61pwx1

There’s definitely a metal song in here.

SCP-354: The Red Pool

SCP-354 is a deep pool of red liquid with a similar consistency and hue to human blood. Originally deemed a mere curiosity, it was eventually reclassified as a Keter-level threat when it began to sporadically spawn abominable aberrations that laid waste to all Foundation personnel in the proximity of the pool. A new containment was built in an attempt to contain the giant bats, krakens, and mechanical monstrosities, but the vengeful blood pool found other ways to provoke its jailers. A witness testimony from one agent stationed at the containment site seems to indicate that the pool is sentient, but a true understanding of the depths of its menace is currently beyond the Foundation’s grasp.

However, some hints may be gleaned from a mysterious data entry found in the Foundation records detailing a failed expedition into the pool. This entry, although never officially sanctioned (and seemingly having never actually occurred) recalls the voyage down through the dense center of the pool and up into an alien twilight world with a twisted solar cycle, alien plant life, and no wind. The research team in the document is harrowed by mysterious sounds and threats, and if the file is any indication, the hostile plane never allowed them to escape. The true threat of the pool is in the mystery surrounding it.

As an aural demonstration of SCP-354’s menace and mystique, I’ve selected “At the Well” by Neurosis from their 2012 album Honor Found in Decay. This song is a bleak, murky, and dense voyage into the unknown. Beneath the sludgy chords and Kelley/Till’s snarling growls, an unknown and destructive force lurks, biding its time. I especially like the crescendo around the 7:00 minute mark when the song picks up the pace, seemingly transporting you to the other world beyond the pool. This is nicely highlighted by Kelley’s pained intonations of being, “In a shadow world.” The layered vocal barrage that climaxes the song is the perfect representation of the pool’s assault on your senses, and the gentle fade leaves you wondering what truly slumbers beneath the surface. Buy the album here.

 

monster8editub9

Despite cuddly appearance, actually quite hostile.

SCP-682: Hard-to-Destroy Reptile 

There are very few cases in the SCP database that are quite as worrisome as SCP-682. This monstrous life-form is a vile reptilian creature from dubious origin with an inherent loathing for organic life, especially humans, and a troubling penchant for destruction and murder. Aside from indomitable physical strength, quicksilver agility, and an alarmingly high intelligence, SCP-682 is also equipped with the uncanny ability to regenerate from nearly complete physical destruction. This monster simply breathes in material, both organic and inorganic, which its body quickly processes into energy to fuel its blackened heart. Even more disturbing, though, is its ability to adapt to any mechanism or SCPs used to damage, often allowing SCP-682 to mutate a new evolutionary trait that undermines any previous weaknesses. Attempting to kill it makes it stronger.

The Foundation has tried, and failed, desperately to terminate SCP-682 over and over again. Other physically monstrous SCPs, devices, weapons, psionic compulsions, biological hazards, reality altering mechanisms, and interdimensional transportation have all failed to terminate the insurmountable 682. This reptilian juggernaut is a living, seething engine of hatred bent on the complete eradication of sentient life on Earth (and possibly other planets and realities). It is only a matter of time until the acid bath containment fails and SCP-682 is free to kill again, triggering another devastating Keter event.

As the musical accompaniment for the slaughter, I’ve selected “Massacre” by The Berzerker. The Berzerker are the audio equivalent of a reptilian mechanical meat-grinder, and their sound reminds me of a PCP-addled dragon rampaging through a meat-processing plant. The gonzo-grinders batter and bludgeon you with a relentless wall of noise, buzz-saw riffs and gabber drum blasts, leaving you broken and despoiled in a “panorama of desolation” as the voice-over describes. The Berzerker are a monstrous and ruthless killing machine, and “Massacre” is the perfect metaphor for SCP-682. For a truly relentless experience, headbang to The Berzerker tracks in between segments of the SCP-682 Extermination Log.

 

Occams_Razor_Ramon’s Picks

maxresdefault

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down my face!”

SCP-1981: “RONALD REAGAN CUT UP WHILE TALKING” 

Who needs a clever title when the actual title is this damn intriguing? It pulls off the incredible feat of being terribly confusing while telling you exactly what you’re going to get. Now a good part of that confusion is probably because you don’t remember the Bible belt residing members of your family telling you the president got hacked up mid-speech between their lectures on Reaganomics. Enter the glory of SCP.

SCP-1981 is archived video footage of President Reagan’s famous “Evil Empire” speech, but with a few key twists. Firstly, a few minutes into the President’s speech it begins to veer from what history has told us he has said. Secondly? Oh, he slowly gets mutilated by an unseen force while continuing to give his speech, no fucks given style. Well, that is until he gets beheaded or has his larynx severed. The creepiest part? This changes every time the tape is played. Reagan’s speech gets more and more nonsensical and he sustains different wounds with each viewing.

Now I’m a man who tries to use every available opportunity to use the song “Cut You Up with a Linoleum Knife”, but in this instance only one band would do: Iron Reagan. Indeed, what better tribute to a tale of Presidential mutilation than the most Presidential crossover/thrash band to grace the scene in the last few years? The song that immediately comes to mind is “The Living Skull.” It’s short, it’s nasty, and it has skull right there in the name. A perfect match for our former President’s shortened video lifespan. Jam it a few hundred times while you read, and pick up the album here.

 

Fibrodysplasia_ossificans_progressiva

BRO THIS SUX SEND HELP PLS

SCP-439: Bone Hive 

I don’t want to hype anything up too much, but this is practically the most metal thing I have ever read. Even more so than the lyrics to “Metal Metal Land”. Yes, it’s that serious. SCP-439 at first glance may appear to be nothing more than a run of the mill earwig. A fairly creepy looking little bastard, but nothing scary. Until you go to sleep, that is. You see, 439 will wait in hiding until the host it has selected (always a human) goes to sleep. That’s when the fun begins.

SCP-439 will crawl into its victim’s mouth as they sleep. Shortly after waking up the next morning the host will complain of shortness of breath and chest pain. Soon after begins the onset of Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva, a disorder which cause spontaneous ossification of fibrous tissues in the human body. If you really want to see some fucked up shit, google it and be prepared to make all kinds of weird faces. While it should be obvious at this point that the Queen is turning its host into an armored hive, I don’t want to spoil any more of the process for you. Needless to say, some of the details are a little…gruesome (BE SURE TO READ THE ADDENDUM).

Musically you can never go wrong with Insect Warfare. Whether its mowing the lawn or trying to sync them up with 1989’s Batman or masturbating, their tunes just always seem to fit. This is an instance, though, where music and story were just meant to be together. “Armored Virus” off of their one and only full length, World Extermination, swirls and swarms with the fury of a thousand earwig like creatures devouring your intestines as you lay frozen and helpless. With lyrics featuring lines such as “How can you defend against what you can’t see/Infecting all things in contact with me/unknown origin, no known cure/infecting what was once secure” it really just seems like a match made in entomological hell. Well, as long as you ignore the last line about computers.

 

Masterlord Steeldragon’s Picks

Death_cometh

“lol i h8 u”

SCP-1548: The Hateful Star

Did you know that stars are capable of hate? Well, then you obviously don’t know science. Read a fucking book. SCP-1548 hates your guts.

In 1968, then-astronomer “Agent M.” observed that PSR B0531+21, the star at the center of the Crab Nebula, appeared to be moving towards our little Sun with increasing speed and pulsing quite irregularly – aberrant behavior which further research revealed to be an attempt to communicate via Morse code. Its first transcribed message was: “I wake/I see all/And find it lacking.” Since then, SCP-1548 has accelerated to its “apparent maximum velocity” towards our puny planet and regularly pulses out personalized hate-mail to whoever is unlucky enough to be observing it, ranging from personal insults to death threats to all of humanity.

I don’t know if this occurred to the author or not, but the Crab Nebula is about 6,523 light-years from Earth. Thus, SCP-1548 would have had to send its personalized messages 6,523 years previous to their reaching the eyes of the intended recipients. Which really is horrifying, because what was a sentient, mobile solar body that’s pissed off at humankind just became an omniscient, future-seeing, mobile solar body that’s pissed off at humankind. And not just a little pissed off, either. It takes a special kind of hatred to send a message from thousands of light-years away to a human being who won’t even be born for another 6.5k years just to essentially say, “FUCK YOU, YOU’RE DEAD.”

You don’t have to worry, because unless 1548 has some sort of trick to exceed maximum velocity up its nebular sleeve, it won’t be able to destroy the earth and its inhabitants for another 5,700 years.

While admittedly not the most well-written or intricate “case file” in the SCP database, I chose SCP-1548 because space scares the shit out of me and makes me want to listen to Darkspace. I’m of the opinion that the cold emptiness of space is a hell of a lot more frightening than the typical genre tropes of Satan worship and/or demonic penetration, and as a theme lends itself quite well to this type of atmospheric black metal. This song from their latest album, III, is an apt representation of approaching cosmic doom from the depths of the pitchblack vasts. Turn this on, stare at the stars, and see if any of them are talking shit to you via Morse pulsations. Pick up the album here.

 

sword

I bet I can get this to attach to my pager belt clip.

SCP-572: Katana of Apparent Invincibility

SCP-572 isn’t just a sword, it’s one of those shitty collectible swords that you’d see a guy with a bad mustache and stained polo shirt selling at a flea market for way too much money. And if you’re me, you might buy it. Badly balanced, fashioned out of low quality materials, and with “and edge blunter than a butter knife,” its not exactly combat-ready.

Local authorities disarmed SCP-572 from an overweight, drunken disorderly who swore to “take their heads, and with it their power.” Eventually stolen from the evidence locker by SCP covert specialists, the sword was found to have uniquely anomalous properties. Anyone wielding 572 becomes determinedly convinced of its extraordinary effectiveness as a weapon despite it being completely fucking useless. Those effected by its psychotropic influence are often seriously injured while trying to perform impossible stunts or doing other dumb shit with the blade, “including but not limited to: attempting to cut a moving car in half” or “slicing through a bullet fired from a rifle.” Subjects fawn over its “cutting power” and “balance,” and soon report feelings of inhuman strength and invincibility, which compel them to do dangerous and illogical things.

Which, coincidentally, is exactly what happens to me when I listen to power metal. “The March of the Swordmaster” by Rhapsody was obvious. Crank this and do something impossible.*

*Neither Masterlord SteelDragon or Toilet ov Hell is liable for any harm or injury you may sustain while doing something impossible.

 

What do you guys think? Whether you’re a long-time reader or a newly-obsessed fan, sound off below with your favorite case files, thoughts on these, and maybe some metal along the way.

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  • W.

    Yisss!

  • Occams_Razor_Ramon

    Hey yo

    While reading 517 I couldn’t help but think about the line from An American Werewolf in London where the nurse asks “Have you ever been severely beaten about the head and neck?”

    • W.

      UFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    • Mother Shabubu III

      I like to make WEREWOLF MOVIES!

  • Tyree

    Daaaaamn! This is going to require a second read while I’m not at work.

    Totally agree with the statement “Musically you can never go wrong with Insect Warfare.”

    • Negrodamus

      I’m stuck here for another forty five minutes and my boss is at Burger King. I’m gonna give it a go!

      • Stockhausen

        You’ll never turn back!

      • Tyree

        Go for it. This is too long of a read at work for me unfortunately. I felt bad enough just skimming through it.

    • Occams_Razor_Ramon

      There’s never been a moment in my life where Insect Warfare was a bad idea

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Shit. Between sketchy sites that have all the Simpsons episodes, stalking people, looking at porn, looking at Tumblr, watching documentaries on YouTube and listening to music, I don’t think I have anymore time to waste on the internet…

    • Futurama >>>>>>>>>

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I also engage in the watching of Futurama.

    • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

      Have you gone to the deep web?

      • Negrodamus

        Oh shit.

        • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

          I saw some shit there. That shit scarred me for life.

          • W.

            Have we talked about this before?

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            Yes, but not with that guy. At least I don’t remember him taking part to that conversation.

          • Stockhausen

            I would like to know what is being discussed.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            Deep web is the biggest part of the internet. It has all kinds of distrubing shit.

          • Tyree

            Sounds epic and also sounds like trouble.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            If you want to see child pornography…

          • Tyree

            Nah dude. Fuck that shit.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            Fuck that shit indeed. That place scarred me.

          • Tyree

            Yeah, that sounds like a nasty place. This conversation is just creeping me out.

          • Stockhausen

            Ah. So, not the kind of darkness that is fascinating yet recreational. Actual darkness that is horrible.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            Some horrible nasty darkness

          • Negrodamus

            Mind if I ask what kind of shit?

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Probably beheading videos, child porn, animal porn, snuff porn, or other fabled things that lurk beyond.

          • None of that sounds any fun. The regular web has pictures of interesting animals.
            Regular web > Deep web

          • W.
          • ..

          • W.
          • W.
          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            These pictures make me feel better. Can you please post a nice corgi picture? I love corgis.

          • I have a lot of animal pics saved. Here you go.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            That corgi looks kind of like my other corgi, except different colour.

          • W.
          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            Let me see if I have any nice pictures.

          • Aw. I love Lil Bub.

          • W.
          • W.
          • Tyree

            I saw that guy in my trash last week. He made one hell of a mess.

          • W.

            Where I grew up, we used to get bears in our dumpster a lot. One morning we came out and a bear was lumbering away with tp stuck to his butt.

          • geddy

            Funny! Years ago, in a town called Faro located in the Yukon, I would drive a van into the town dump. I was warned to always look out for bears before getting out of the van

            One time I jumped out of the van before looking. About 50 feet away were two bear cubs. The mother came into my view a moment later. Yeah man, I jumped right the fuck back in that van and drove out of the dump area.

            Got back out of the van at the top and watched the bears for awhile – beautiful creatures.

          • W.

            That’s a great story. Bears are fun to watch.

          • This has to be the cutest thread on any metal-related blog ever.

          • Stockhausen

            Truly.

          • #goodguybear

          • Gorgasm

            What a polite bear…if’s he’s going to take the garbage out, he’s welcome back anytime.

          • NefariousDude

            That’s a lot of cocaine

          • W.

            A veritable blizzard.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            ….

          • Stockhausen

            Nope. Well, ok.

          • W.

            Below, mate.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            My younger corgi looked just like this one when he was a puppy.

          • Stockhausen

            He thinks he’s people!

          • Stockhausen

            Get better little buddy!

          • Cock of Steele

            This one killed me

          • Stockhausen

            Awww! I like him alive!

          • Cock of Steele

            Dark web>all web

          • KJM

            Indeed. I like animals far too much to even think about that shit.

          • JWG

            If you ever decide you want to have a complete cute-animal overload, follow Zach Galligan (yes, he of ‘Gremlins’ fame) on Twitter and watch for his nightly sign-off posts.

            Tonight’s sample is actually tame by his usual standards:

            https://twitter.com/zwgman/status/499400506843070465/photo/1

          • Det. Flushin Bohl

            That’s just fuckin’ disturbing. I like our little slice of heaven above all of that shit.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            There was some article I read in Rolling Stone (waiting room in dentist’s office, had to read something.) about this dude who had a drug empire running on the deep web and apparently there’s a lot of cray cray shit on it, not just stuff I mentioned. Like hitmen and things of the illegal nature.

          • Negrodamus

            Snuff films? My buddy told me he watched this documentary about them called “Snuff” and he highly recommended I watch it.

          • W.

            NIN made a snuff film.

          • Negrodamus

            I haven’t watched that but I remember it being quite controversial.

          • W.

            The Broken movie. I watched it twice during a pretty dark period of my life.

          • Negrodamus

            Can’t be a real snuff film though with an artist of that magnitude?

          • W.

            Uh, there’s a performance artist who worked on it who basically gets shown being mutilated.

          • Cock of Steele

            I was reading about this on wikipedia, and then on something called the dark internet: “Failures within the allocation of Internet resources due to the Internet’s chaotic tendencies of growth and decay are a leading cause of dark address formation. One form of dark address is military sites on the archaic MILNET. These government networks are sometimes as old as the original ARPANET, and have simply not been incorporated into the Internet’s evolving architecture.” Whoa

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            You can hire hitmen there. Tim Lambesis should have gone there.

          • W.

            I’m pretty sure crime, especially assassination and human trafficking, are the major uses of the deep/dark web.

          • Tyree

            I’m fine with the Toilet and Bandcamp.

          • W.

            Me too, buddy.

          • Tyree

            Speaking of which… I just got the new
            Khthoniik Cerviiks album from Iron Bonehead Productions Bandcamp page.

          • W.

            Ballin’!

          • Tyree

            You know it. All night long.

          • Stockhausen

            Check out Gnaw Their Tongues from this article if you haven’t yet. It goes well with that same dark feel.

          • Tyree

            Trust me I have that album and fuck me sideways dude. That is hellish sounding shit.

          • Stockhausen

            Yeeep. I had heard his other stuff, but I just came across Gnaw Their Tongues for this.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            And drugs.

          • Cock of Steele

            It just sounds so mysterious

          • Cock of Steele

            I read about it on a site using the iceberg above and below the water as a diagram, basically explaining that deep web is a bunch of horrifying illegal shit, and FBI hunting ground probably. So curiosity satiated, never stepping there, I like our toilet better.

          • Negrodamus

            That sounds pretty “whoa” ish but I don’t exactly follow…

          • Cock of Steele

            Me neither, I guess it’s like ghost IPs. Shit’s confusing, but sounds cool haha.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            JAG?

          • Cock of Steele

            Not really like that, I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know anything really.

          • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

            Pretty much what Shabubu mentioned, except for animal porn.

          • geddy

            Imagine walking into a room containing nothing. The door swings shut behind you. Suddenly…Satan is there fucking you in the ass without lube.

        • The Satan ov Hell

          No love deep web

      • Guacamole Jim

        I’ve been there… there was no love.

        But seriously, it was fucked up.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          Death Grips reference?

          • Guacamole Jim

            Yeah buddy!

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        Never speak of the deep web. I’ve seen shit there that I never want to see again. All of us in WCQT have been subject to the deep web, and it scarred us all. It literally scarred Konnan, he got a scar from a jagged piece of ring post right after he went on it on his phone before a match. It’s truly evil. We made a pact to never speak of it in detail, so since I’m not speaking of the details, it’s fine. I’ve had some bad shit happen because of the deep web. Once I was listening to a Black Sabbath song called Headless Cross while on the internet and a site from the deep web showed up. I did not open the site. it just appeared. After that, I got knocked unconscious by walking into a cabinet. I saw things when in that unconscious state that will haunt me forever, things that aren’t human, things that are unholy.

        • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

          I have been scarred as well my mate.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            The horror, the horror. Limbs and body parts aren’t supposed to do what I saw. People did things that even Pinhead would consider too depraved and disgusting. I’m amazed that Virgil didn’t get arrested for showing us what he showed us from the deep web. It took so much effort for us not to beat Virgil to death after he showed us what he showed us.

          • KJM

            Daffney said Virgil was a freak, always checking out her ass.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I hate that man for showing us what he showed us. He’s a monster and I’m happy that people never buy his stuff.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            i never heard of this scp stuff, snuff, are we talking cronenburg’s videodrome type stuff ? But for real.

          • KJM

            SCP = good scary fun

            Dark/Deep Web = seriously fucked up bullshit, also various “dealers”

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            wouldn’t the govt catch people looking at the really foul stuff ?

          • W.

            You have to use certain web protocols to access that make you less visible, but that’s why the government hires white hat hackers.

          • Guacamole Jim

            To get onto the deep web you gotta install the Tor browser, which just basically bounces your IP address off of a million different things, so while it’s not impossible to track, it’s extremely difficult.

        • Stockhausen

          I….what. Don’t answer because I don’t think I want to know, but what.

          • Tyree

            I feel like Pinhead is going to appear with his cenobites and tear my soul apart for even talking about the deep web right now. I’m out of here, dinner must be made and music must be listened to.

          • Stockhausen

            Honorable reasons!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m sorry I’m bringing this up, but I’ve seen unholy things done on the deep web. Really unholy things, like stuff out of the Hellraiser movies but done by humans, not Cenobites. I’ve seen shit done in the name of Satan there that you think would be in a horror movie. Virgil, who was in the company for a short time showed us the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on the deep web. I got sick when I saw it, as well as Scott Steiner and Sid Vicious. We demanded that he got fired as soon as he showed us that. He was not in the company the next day.

        • geddy

          Yup – the deep web is a truly fucked up place to be at times. HOWEVER, it is a child’s fluffy toy compared to what lies in wait beyond and deeper than even the blackest night reaches. Beware of things that make sucking sounds in the dark. Beware of vile things given fingers and teeth!

      • KJM

        Estimated 7.5 Petabytes of data, damn.

      • Gorgasm

        Only to acquire bit coins to buy ganja….that was the only time, i swear.

        Although i did it more than once.

        • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

          As a person that likes cats, I’m not too into your new picture.

          • KJM

            Agreed, but fortunately I can’t see it that well even on my 27″ screen.

      • geddy

        You can kill days off in the deep web, but alas – those same days will require an exorcism when they come back to haunt you. And they will come back; back from the dead…ooo oooo ahhhhh!!!!

        But seriously…don’t fuck around in evil playgrounds if you are not prepared to bleed.

        • Cock of Steele

          I haven’t even ventured there and yet I feel scarred.

    • geddy

      You. Are. Not. Dead.

      Here are some photographs:
      http://www.pitacodoblogueiro.com.br/70-fotos-deep-web/

      • Howard Dean

        This… is horrifying.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I’ve seen this photo before. It was supposed to go with some weird story about Russians experimenting with sleep deprivation, but this guy clearly is a victim of severe frostbite.

  • Stockhausen

    tl;dr

    • Negrodamus

      I finished it. Based on these Disqus posts, it took me about nine minutes. Cool song picks!

      • W.

        Thonx beb.

        • Negrodamus

          Bro, do you even ride mountains?

          • W.

            Always.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Only mountains of fuck. Preferably with a King Shit on them.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            Bro they ride like this in west texas

          • Negrodamus

            ROLLIN’ COAL

      • Stockhausen

        Thanks dude!

        • Negrodamus

          The pleasure was all mine.

  • Lady SteelDragon

    Nerd alert.

    • Stockhausen

      You’re stuck with it.

    • W.

      You know, if my wife was here, she’d agree with you.

      • Stockhausen

        Let’s all get our wives on here and they can make a support group for each other.

        • W.

          The Wives of the Turds.

          • Stockhausen

            Discussion point number one: “Ugh. First it was ‘hey, you know that metal website I was talking about,’ then it was ‘so we made this Facebook group,’ and now it’s ‘all my toilet friends.'”

          • Cock of Steele

            My mom’s come to terms with it at least.

          • W.

            Everybody needs somebody.

          • Det. Flushin Bohl

            Everything in that comment is 100% fact.

          • W.

            “Ugh, will you put your phone down and stop talking to your toilet friends?”

          • Det. Flushin Bohl

            I thought I might get that last night when I was listening to that album and writing 😛

          • W.

            My wife is a lovely and patient woman, but she has gotten annoyed once or twice when I was bloggin while we were hanging out.

          • Det. Flushin Bohl

            I’ve gotten the look, for sure.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            “Babe I was really busy at work today and have a lot of toileting to catch up on tonight.”

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’m just lucky I’m not married. Being on the road constantly with World Championship Quad Tearing makes it hard to have a relationship, but the one night stands I have are awesome and they’re usually with attractive women.

          • W.

            Being married is cool, man.

          • Stockhausen

            I like it. A couple days ago my wife said these words: “I actually really enjoyed making lunch for you, would you mind if I did that every day?”
            Not even lying.

          • @Lady SteelDragon.

          • W.

            Dude, you’re in. I actually make lunch for Mrs. W every day, but she does heat me up a bagel every morning.

          • Lady SteelDragon makes some mean enchiladas.

          • Stockhausen

            Made with real steel and fire?

          • W.

            Mrs. W. does too!

          • dibs on leftovers

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            to the tune of ” video killed the radio star”

            “embedding killed the Failures for Blogs”

            It really did too, hahahhahhah, i would like to think i played a part in that.

          • Stockhausen

            Teamwork! Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.

          • Lady SteelDragon

            @Masterlord SteelDragon

          • KJM

            One of the things I miss about my ex is that she was one of the best cooks I’ve ever known, even worked at an Italian restaurant.

          • Anthrallica

            my wife fucked a guy she met on craigslist and then told me about it in detail…

          • Stockhausen

            That’s horrible man, I’m really sorry.

          • Anthrallica

            I want to down vote you for that comment, but I won’t because it is an opinion…

          • W.

            Dude, I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope I didn’t cause you any pain with my comment.

          • Anthrallica

            Of course not, just felt like venting a little. I know you guys understand (kind of). A friend of mine got divorced, then re-married, I believe his exact quote was “Wife2.0…WAY better.” LOL.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Flushettes.

  • Guacamole Jim

    For sure reading this when I get home.

  • Howard Dean

    Tubular Tuesday.
    Make it through your afternoon with some Satch.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-OK7sS855M

  • I assume there are folks in here with an interest in Creepy Pasta?

    • W.

      You better believe it.

      • A few years ago I read one about the NES Godzilla game. I thought it was great cuz that game actually scared me as a small, stupid child.

        • W.

          Yes, the Godzilla creepypasta is one of my favorites.

          RUN!

    • Stockhausen

      Yerrrrrp.

    • Poop Mango

      Mmmmmmm pasta

    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      I like those, but they scare me.

    • Misanthropic Anal Fissure

      I kind of liked the 1999 creepypasta. It was creepy. Jeff the killer sucked ass. I don’t do too well with scary shit. I get paranoid very easily.

    • W.

      r/nosleep usually fulfills my pasta needs.

    • NefariousDude

      There is a really good “creepy pasta” series a guy on r/nosleep wrote involving a stalker who stalked him throughout his childhood. The ending is super metal and definitely worth the read. Unfortunately I don’t really remember the titles but I know the story title has “balloons” in it and the guys username is 1000vultures I think. ITS WORTH THE READ DAMNIT

      • W.

        Correspondence is the best running nosleep series, imo.

  • Props for the Secret Cutter mention, highly recomnend that album. Crushing stuff. I’ll have to check this site later.

    • Stockhausen

      Thanks! It was a great gem to come across, I’m a big fan now.

  • Randall Thor

    Linked Rhapsody in your article, 0/5 flushes would read many more times.

  • Xan

    I visited this website several times but it was always when I never had much time to spare. Thanks for linking more reading material. Other than video gaming, reading is my favorite hobby.

    • W.

      Really hope you enjoy it. I’ve gotten lost in quite a few SCP’s. And I go in phases between reading and vidya.

    • Stockhausen

      I always have browser tabs of SCP open on my phone, mostly for bathroom reading.

    • KJM

      There’s an SCP game… ^_^

      • Xan

        There are a couple actually. There’s one about the endless staircase and then there’s one about the SCP-173 creature. I think there was one more too.

  • crazytaco_12
    • awwwwww yeah.

      • crazytaco_12

        I was just waiting for you to comment haha

        • You know me! I’m gonna put up a post about this for tomorrow. Thanks for sharing!

  • geddy
    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      apparently this song inspired richard ramirez to go through women’s windows and assault them. The band said it was about a 16 year old boy sneaking into his girlfriends room. But the lasvicious and dark delivery of bon’s performance betrays it’s true meaning. Just a co incidence but i think the song had touch of blackness to it. Love bon era stuff though. He was a souful vocalist and his lyrics were both perverse and devilishly clever.

      • geddy

        I don’t think the song itself inspired him to do the terrible things he did. However, he did relate to the lyrics. Fuck ’em – he is dead.

        Yeah – Bon had a terrific voice – his vocal delivery served up all those songs so well! Powerage, man – that album was the peak of AC/DC – every song on it is a keeper!

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          Don’t get me wrong, i love bon’s stuff, but even if the song spoke to ramirez it was because he was deranged. A band should be able to write whatever they want. I remember STP first came out with their first single Sex type thing. It was seen as misogynistic in some circles and the band completely spun a ” well it means the opposite of what i said in the lyrics, it’s about guys who do that and we are condemining them.” Thats just hypocrisy, artists should write their songs without apologies and let the listener take what they will from it. Of course before someone says varg or other nazi leaning inividuals or bands, the law of the land deems that unacceptable and it is out of our hands.

          • geddy

            I’ve always been a fan of song writers letting the listener/s come to their own conclusions; with the writer keeping a song’s meaning to him/herself. Everything is subjective – keep mystery alive.

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          You are big rush fan too right, did you see clockwork tour ?

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Yes I did. I went to the date in Saratoga. I have a shirt from the tour.

          • geddy

            Yes indeed! Saw the tour in Vancouver B.C.

          • KJM

            Last time I saw them was 2010, looking forward to the 41st Anniversary tour next year.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            i am hoping they will come close to me again. The closest big city i am close to is an hour and a half away. They had not played there since 79 ( i was 10 and didn’t know about them yet) So basically a quarter of a century which is a long fucking time. They have definitely neglected canada as far as touring goes, you guys in the states have always gotten more shows. I am going to the 41st tour no matter what the cost. I loved the clockwork tour but in playing the whole album a LOT of time was eaten up. A lot of stuff i wanted to hear wasn’t played. It was awesome to finally see them after all these years though, if i may be a bit of a nit picker i find the extended vignettes to be neither overly funny nor a good use of time. Rush is a band where i don’t care about lighting, backdrops, explosions, pryothechnics, for me it’s all about the music.

          • KJM

            On the Time Machine tour they had a lot of that silly video stuff too, total waste of time.

          • geddy

            First time I saw them – new years eve 1979 with Max Webster.

          • KJM

            Got me beat, first time was 1985 w/Steve Morse Band opening.

  • KJM
    • W.

      I’m glad another SCP fan is in the house.

    • Stockhausen

      Whoa. I have lot more to eat my time with now.

  • Frankie Palmeri

    This site has quality content in spades

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      Welcome to the cool waters of the Toilet FP.

  • KJM

    And if you should have the urge to “open the box”, do so behind the safety of a Tor Browser.

    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      What box? How bad is this box?

      • KJM

        Just using Hellraiser lingo to make a point about the Dark Web.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          I see. I never want to access what I saw again.

  • The Satan ov Hell

    I really despise SCP, it used to be good, but after that damned game people came and wrote really boring ones.

    • Stockhausen

      I skip around quite a bit, but I mostly stick with the first series.

      • The Satan ov Hell

        Mostly same here really. Afterall there’s only so much of “IT’S A VIDEOGAME THAT KILLS YOU AT THE END” one can take

    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      I liked the Ronald Reagan one. I have to read the series 1 ones. I don’t really despise things because there is not many things to despise in my opinion. The only thing that I absolutely despise is the Tony Martin era of Black Sabbath. I saw them live three times. Three times was three times too many. All the albums he did with them sucked and they were terrible live. I like every other version of Black Sabbath, but the Tony Martin era was not Black Sabbath. Plus, all the band members save for Tony Iommi and Tony Martin were douchebags. I had a copy of their album Forbidden that I bought when I saw them on that tour. The only people who would sign it were Tony Iommi, Tony Martin and the bass player Phillip Neil Murray who was only on Forbidden but was a really nice guy. Geoff Nicholls and Cozy Powell are assholes who would not sign my copy of the album but bummed money off of me for the payphone. I threw away my copy of Forbidden after I listened to it because it was so bad.

      • The Satan ov Hell

        Band members being arseholes is something I notice alot.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          I agree. The drummer on the album before Forbidden was nice though. His name was Bobby Rondinelli and he was in Rainbow before he was on the album before Forbidden. Though, when I saw the tour for that album, all the band members signed my copy of the album including Geoff who was less of an asshole than he usually was.

  • Dental_Damnation

    You had me at insect warfare