Kissing Candice – Ghosted (Live): A Video Breakdown

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Mwwwwwwwwwwwwwah!

Summer touring is upon us, and that means a whole bunch of bands you’ve never heard of are probably coming to your town. Big tours like Summer Slaughter and Mayhem Fest are huge opportunities for up and coming bands to quickly and easily reach large, untapped audiences. These opportunities usually came with a large price tag attached and more often than not, yielded very little in return. Ozzfest used to do it all the time. Just ask Magni-Fi, Beautiful Creatures, Memento, and Sw1tched. If you can find them.

This year’s Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival TM has a Victory Records stage showcasing a handful of the label’s up-and-coming bands. While we sadly don’t get to see Snow White’s Poison Bite in all of it’s Finnish-emo glory, there will be Code Orange and Jungle Rot. Nice to see those rookies in Jungle Rot finally get a chance. There’s also Sworn In if you feel like being nostalgic for nu-industrial.

Joining these groups is Kissing Candice, a band that I legitimately thought was a joke when I first saw their video for the song “Ghosted”. I just assumed they were being ironic or poking fun at bands that wear masks and have gimmicks like Slipknot and Mushroomhead while sounding like they should be opening for those bands. Turns out the joke is on us, because Kissing Candice is sincere. Rather than breaking down one of there music videos, I thought it would be a fun idea to look at a live video from a recent performance on Mayhem Fest.

 

0:07: Nice smock.
0:10: Spinning around in a circle is the new “I don’t know what to do during this part”.
0:14: Glad to see Leatherface’s younger brother Loganface is playing guitar now.
0:18: If you’ve ever wondered what happens to the old meat scraps that a deli throws out, now you know.
0:21: Aw, he got grape jelly all over his smock. Mom is going to be mad.
0:27: Dollar Store Jim Root looks like his radiator is overheating.
0:36: The byproduct of inbreeding, meth usage, and half a viewing of Until The Light Takes Us.
0:40: The vocalist’s “dance” moves were stolen from someone looking for their contact lens.
0:48: Apparently someone stole his pants in retaliation.
0:52: He’s clearly suffering from Restless Everything Syndrome.
0:55: Loganface isn’t hitting that note. He’s bludgeoning it to death. Just like his big brother taught him.
1:02: Where does the name “Kissing Candice” come from?
1:05: Was someone smooching Full House’s Candace Cameron Bure?
1:08: Was it because her brother Kirk Cameron wasn’t available?
1:11: Please clap! For the love of god, please clap or Victory will drop us!
1:20: I hope Corey Taylor is getting compensation for letting this guy use one of his masks.
1:25: I don’t think I’ve seen a drummer more bored than the one in Kissing Candice.
1:29: He’s probably thinking about kissing Candice Bergen from Murphy Brown.
1:32: -5 points for not bouncing in unison.
1:41: So did he buy his smock/hospital gown like that or did he have to stain it himself?
1:48: And who’s the guy spastically jumping around by the drummer in the white shirt.
1:53: Is he a part of the band or did he just wander on stage?
1:56: We’ve gone from badly dancing to hair twirling. I have no joke to make; it needed to be pointed out.
2:01: My thoughts exactly, Loganface.
2:08: Electronic dancey blips and bleeps don’t cover up the smell, Kissing Candice.
2:14: What are the odds that he’s not wearing any undies? 2:1?
2:20: Because we’re very close to seeing what Candice sees.
2:27: The bassist also has jelly all over him. Did no one teach them how to use a napkin?
2:31: You wouldn’t have to keep fixing your stupid mask if you, y’know, weren’t wearing a stupid mask.
2:36: Thank you! We need a ride home!

So that was Kissing Candice. You can see them this summer on the Mayhem Festival. Doors at 11:00am, Kissing Candice goes on at 10:55am.

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  • Kevin Nash & Friends

    Horrorman plz! I’m a fan of this Mushroomhead ripoff band even though they’re nowhere near as good as Mushroomhead!

    • Maik Beninton™

      I can really tell if they are that good because of that sound quality, that’s why I don’t see live videos.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        I think that the instruments are too loud in the mix. The singer is pretty good but you can’t really hear him.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Fuck off nowadays nümetal

  • I feel like I’m ACTUALLY at the county fair. Thanks Heavy Metal Greg!

  • Lisbeth (Tyree) Salander
  • Howard Dean

    Candace Cameron and her fucktard brother Kirk are both batshit crazy.

    She should have followed the model set by her Full House costar Jodie Sweetin and developed a meth addiction instead of a God addiction. At least then she would have been flashing some glorious sideboob in paparazzi photos instead of proselytizing and evangelizing like some retarded Billy Graham puppet.

    P.S. Aunt Becky was hot as hell on Full House. Early HD crush.

    • JW(E)G

      #ToiletConfession #TheBowlTruth

      …I somehow made it all the way to this weekend without ever learning those two were related. Then she said something heavily reeking of perceived-but-false persecution (that I’ve already blocked as irrelevant to my personal concerns) and all the gossip blogs qualified her quote with “…sister of infamous wingnut pseudo-Christian Kirk Cameron”.

      I wonder if that hockey player she married is as crazy but infinitely better handled by his PR managers (or the NHL) so it’s never as highly publicized.

    • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

      Kirk Cameron’s Christmas film was officially the biggest bomb of last year.

      • KJM

        It’s the anti-Christian conspiracy keeping him down yo.

        • Le Tapir The Based

          Those poor oppressed Christians. Almost makes me cry.

          • KJM

            Indeed.

        • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

          Lol, even his far far right wing Crypto-Christian fanbase didn’t even bother with it. I saw the trailer, and it looks almost as bad as Interstellar. Almost.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5-yA66kaVc

          • KJM

            I sat through Interstellar. I would never sit through this.

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            Interstellar is one of the worst films ever created.

          • KJM

            Um, you liked Master Of Disguise, bro. Your taste is a bit, shall we say, suspect. That being said, I’ll never see Interstellar again. At least it wasn’t as bad as Contact.

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            Lol, my movie collection is odd. On one end, I love low brow comedies like MOD, and on the other end I have tons of foreign dramas (Lea, Black, fuckloads of Werner Herzog, All About Lili Chu Chu, etc).

          • Lacertilian

            I think I liked Contact more than Interstellar considering the budget differences and all but I really just can’t see why they would cast fucking McConnaughey in another space movie.
            There are so many actors, most of them wouldn’t cost as much and do an as good if not better job.
            I don’t get it.

          • KJM

            McConnaughey was so fucking annoying in Contact though. He wasn’t nearly as bad in Interstellar because it also didn’t have the annoying Christian undertones that Contact had.

          • Lacertilian

            I’ll pay that, but counter with the lack of Matt Damon in Contact.

          • dude… not even trve. it’s bad, yes; but has a few redeeming qualities. ever seen Transformers 4? let’s hope you haven’t. it’s purdy bad.

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            I’ve sadly seen the first 2 at a friend’s house, and got to watch Michael Bay savagely assrape every franchise I loved as a kid yet again. I’m wondering if he’s still doing that Benghazi movie.

          • KJM

            There’s a Benghazi movie coming out? Oh, for fuck’s sake…

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom
          • KJM

            And how many people were killed in embassy attacks during the Bush/Cheney regime and NO ONE gave a fuck? Shit like this is why I have high BP.

          • Le Tapir The Based
          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            From what I understand, there was only one explosion during the whole Benghazi thing. How will Michael Bay be able to make a film with just one explosion?

      • Howard Dean
    • Lisbeth (Tyree) Salander

      BACKED!

  • Maik Beninton™

    In other news for our coreboy and such, BMTH released a new song.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBRAnuT48qo

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      My sister is very happy about that.

    • Le Tapir The Based

      Oh god, I think I just got a cerebral hemorrhage.

      • Kevin Nash & Friends

        It’s not that bad. It’s not my favorite song ever but it isn’t as bad as their first album.

        • Maik Beninton™

          I like the description SYWH gave to it: Saliva meets Three Days Grace.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            I hate Saliva and Three Days Grace. I like this song though.

        • I can tell you that this is terrible without even hitting play.

      • Maik Beninton™

        I didn’t say it was for you.

      • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

        I think I just shit out of my eyes and ears listening to that.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      It’s better than the turd above but that ain’t nothin’ yet.

    • somehow i found a few salvageable elements in this song.

    • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom
  • When is the whole adding dance electronics to crappy metalcore going to end? Thanks Attack Attack.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I love the idea of live video breakdowns, the sheer amount of bad things that happen live is a wellspring of lolbuttz.

    • His dancing.

      His. Fucking. Dancing.

      • Dagon

        You can put literally any song on the background of that video and it will “suit” his moves.

  • This is like the mimics people that don’t know metal do to explain how they perceive metal.

    Good work, 365. I don’t know which part of your beloved brain you lost with this one, this was pretty awful compared with the last ones 🙁

    • I no longer know how to do fractions.

      • JW(E)G

        When would you ever use fractions except when sharing your pizza?

        Solution: buy two. Let them figure out the other one.

        • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

          People share their pizza?! Anyone touches mine, I go into Sharia law mode and start chopping off hands (with the pizza cutter)!

          • KJM

            Had some tasty Buffalo Chicken pizza from my local place the other day, so good.

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            I had a BBQ chicken pizza a few days ago, but forgot to grab either some bananas or pineapples to add to it.

          • JW(E)G

            Pineapple is one step too close to dessert pizza for my liking. I’d probably think the same of banana (dried?) if I ever saw it as an option.

            Banana peppers, though, I would do.

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            I love those too. PIneapple adds a bit of sweetness to the acidity of the sauce, same with banana or fried plantains.

          • Le Tapir The Based

            “or fried plantains.”
            *JJDing intensifies*

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Stop making me so goddamned hungry

          • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

            Shit, I got $1 until Thursday, and almost nothing in the fridge. Grrrrrrrrr!

          • KJM

            I’m cool with ham & pineapple on pizza once in a while.

          • wanna know the best pizza? pineapple and jalapeno.
            just MHO doe…

  • nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono

    nein

  • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

    Maybe they’re talking about kissing Candice Swanepoel, but they’d probably cuss her out and complain the rest of the night about how “that bitch didn’t wanna suck my dick, bro! I even offered her a Black Tooth Grin and tickets to the monster truck show!”.

    http://wihu.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/9c91a_helloween_lingerie_lookbook_Victoria_Secret_Candice_Swanepoel.jpg

    • JW(E)G

      I have a feeling this is just NSFW enough to get flagged on my work network, but also totally worth the explaining I might have to do…

      • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

        Just tell them she’s your girlfriend or something. :-p

    • Lisbeth (Tyree) Salander

      Oh my.

      • OldMetalHead

        Is it time to change your name again? 😉

    • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire
      • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

        Lol! Kickass cartoon, btw.

  • KJM

    OT: Anybody here watch The Strain? Season 2 started last night and it was excellent.

  • Dagon

    I think what I took home from this is that this show was attented by very nice people. I would have never clapped along with the grape-jelly stained gown-wearing vocalist.

  • Throbbing Fart Thong Of Doom

    This band came to mind to mind when I saw the song title. Loved this band back in the day, and getting into them all over again.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoltshKkEkw

  • Sadistikexekution

    Looks like an 80s pornstar.

  • Alucard, Fuckmothering Vampire

    Yeah, no thank you. I’ll stick with the ‘core bands I like thank you.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBRAnuT48qo

  • Between The Buried & Smee

    i had so much fun not watching them at Mayhem Fest.