Kataklysm – Breaching The Asylum: A Video Breakdown

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Subtlety be damned!

Kataklysm have been around a long time. Like a seriously long time. I only became aware for them with their song “Shadows And Dust”, and that came out in 2004. That’s a good 13 (!) years after they first formed. Adding the Ex Deo side project to the mix, and you’ve got an incredibly long list of songs and albums. When a band has been around for so long, there’s always a need to get creative in order to hold the attention of the masses. Sometimes it calls for elaborate stage shows, unexpected covers, interesting tour choices, or in the case of Kataklysm, releasing ten music videos in the span of two weeks.

That’s…that’s a lot of videos, especially in 2015. We’ve already posed the question if metal bands should still make music videos (answer: probably not), but in an effort to promote their newest album Of Ghosts And Gods, they have produced ten. Let’s take a look and see if it was worth it.

0:06: Wait, what band is this again?
0:12: Can someone turn up the brightness on this video?
0:16: Oh, shit. Is this Sad Satan 2: Electric BoogalloOHMYGODTHEY’REEATINGMYFACE
0:24: I can practically smell the stale piss in this hallway.
0:27: 50 Shades Of Maurizio Iacono.
0:31: Jesus, what a day.
0:40: Maybe his prayers will bring him a less-patchy beard.
0:43: Too close! I can practically see chicken finger crumbs in his ‘stache.
0:49: Good food, good drink, good Schuldiner let’s eat!
0:56: You cannot escape from the smell of patchouli.
1:01: Try tossing those necklaces out at Mardi Gras.
1:08: Okay, the safety word is “Tallahassee”.
1:11: If this room were in Manhattan, it would cost $20,000 a month.
1:16: So are they just not even trying to sync up the video and the vocals?
1:20: Maybe they’re just pacing themselves for all the other videos. Don’t want to use all up your editing resources.
1:28: I can’t quite figure out what they’re going for with all these crosses and such.
1:37: Y’know, just zooming in and out of focus in your video doesn’t actually count as having a plot.
1:46: I wonder if Maurizio brought the blindfold from home.
1:52: T stands for “Time to make a better video”.
1:58: Well maybe you wouldn’t be so bored if you put stuff in your room. Maybe some books or a “Hang In There, Baby” poster.
2:03: “Let’s throw in some other religious stuff so people think we’re not just bashing Christians.”
2:06: Maurizio has an itchy nose and he can’t scratch it.
2:14: See, this is why you don’t eat blueberries while reading. That stain will never come out.
2:20: I hope this long hallway shot took multiple takes.
2:26: High-five.
2:28: You might want to see a doctor about possibly having “herpes of the eyes”.
2:32: Candy rosaries: Coming to a weird supermarket near you.
2:39: Man, were his eyes filled with Gushers or something?
2:46: You have chosen…poorly.
2:48: Looks like someone’s ready to join Vital Remains.
2:57: Look, I know he’s yucky, but can you just keep the camera on him for more than 2 seconds?
3:00: Weeeeeeeeeeee!
3:12: Let’s throw in the Westboro clowns for funsies.
3:20: This is the “after” picture from the strawberry orgy.
3:28: Can someone give the camera a ride home? It’s drunk.
3:35: Eye blood is just so yummy that I have to have a taste
3:42: “I’m gunna lick you like a stamp!”
3:52: Patty cake, patty cake…
3:57: Eh, I’m ok with this.
4:02: Yeah, let’s linger on the computerized asylum shot just in case anyone didn’t catch the subtlety of the message.

With such deep and creative ideas like this, I can’t wait to sit through NINE MORE VIDEOS. Maybe they were just saving themselves for one giant Star Warsesque epic video. Or maybe they just shatted out a few lyric videos and called it a day.

Kataklysm’s new album Of Ghosts And Gods is out now via Nuclear Blast.

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  • Spear

    I forgot how gloriously terrible that Ex Deo video is. Definitely has some sweatshop CGI going on.

  • Tyree
  • 1:40: monk with lenny face

  • Don Henley’s Ego

    This is better than the new Annihilator video at least. I like the song but the video is your generic band in a warehouse video.

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

    I actually like some of Kataklysm’s stuff, but their last album was super weak. I don’t have high hopes for this one based on the video I watched whilst pooping the other day.

    • Tyree

      The lazy blast/gravity beat their drummer used to do always made me cringe and laugh a little inside.

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

        I think they have a different guy now. Their career development is pretty interesting. Their first half was pretty raw/chaotic.

        • Tyree

          1:30 is what I’m talking about. He’s doing a one hand roll 32nd notes with his one hand while playing 8th notes on his kick. It sounds really silly to me.

          • Tyree
          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            Haha, this is THE Kataklysm drum beat.

          • Tyree

            Didn’t their one drummer quit because he became an alcoholic on tour.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            That sounds right. This band was sort of a gateway for me. I still like some songs but rarely listen to them nowadays.

          • Zeke

            All this kataklsym talk on the toilet this past week has gotten me on a major kataklsym kick. Sorcery and temple of knowledge were top level death/grind

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Welp, I guess the uploader of this video doesn’t like Finns. Can’t blame him, we’re a bunch of dicks.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            So, he’s like everyone else in the world?

          • Tyree

            Haha, I seem to like a lot of Finns. Lots of great Finnish metal out there.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

            There is a lot of great Finn metal. I think it’s all that hate concentrated in one place.

          • Tyree

            Ah, very good theory.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Yep. Even Finns don’t like Finns. God we suck.

    • Hubert

      The whilst pooping part is important, for artistic reasons.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      I’m with you, dubs. Kataklysm made some good albums way back in the day (and one of my first forays into extreme metal as a youngster)

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

        They seem to be a good gateway band for more extreme stuff.

    • tertius_decimus

      “Epic (The Poetry of War)” and couple songs from “In the Arms of Devastation” — yes. Other stuff is pretty much faceless.

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

        “Let the Burn” was a cool jam.

  • Void Dweller

    Fucking videos.

    • this one’s four minutes of cringe

      • Jimmy. Tapir says you have been cheating on me with Beargod. Is this true?

        • Hubert

          Beargod is his side hoe, don’t worry about it.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            HEY!
            …Who let the secret slip!?

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            “Secret”

          • Oh thank goodness. I thought he was cheating on me…after all, we’ve been married for five years!

        • Don Henley’s Ego

          He would do that. He cheated on me too.

          • Omg, this is like a ¿Quién tiene la razón? episode!

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Also, I’m your evil twin Link.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            That’s a lie.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Or is it?

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Yes it is.

          • I don’t know if we are twins, but you swear a lot, so you are evil.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Maybe he’s a malandro?

          • Malandros swears a lot! He probably is one!

            Here’s a Pepe despiction of a malandro:

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I don’t sell drugs or do illegal things so I can’t be a malandro.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Does that make me a malandro?

          • It is me or this malandro pepe’s gun glitters?

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            It does

          • I’m mezmerised watching the glitters, to be honest!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            That’s what you say…

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            The D in Don must stand for malanDro!

          • MalanDON Henley’s Ego.

          • KJM

            Dank and dangerous.

          • KJM

            Oh, fiddle de dee!!

          • You poor soul…

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            That’s JJD, btw.

          • What?

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            That guy is JJD

          • I know, you butthole. I’m just wondering why.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Because you touch yourself at night, fuckface

          • Fuk u, bitch.

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        Why did you cheat on me with Smitty and Beargod? You said you would love me forever! Am I not pretty enough for you?

  • Sir Tapir The Based :]

    I have never liked Kataklysm. All the songs I’ve heard have been boring as fuck.

    • Tyree

      Pretty much my thoughts on em as well.

    • Hubert

      This song was pretty boring yes.

    • Zeke

      they used to be great… like 20 years ago. check this shit out toileteers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sFASQE-u6A

    • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

      ……………………….

  • DCLXVI

    are these guys trying to be in flames?

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Not a big fan of Kataklysm. But some of their newer songs have an undeniable dribe mixed with decent melodic work. And rhe older, techier and grindier stuff was nice.
    But these videos suck. With a major S. When I firat heard of this project I thought it would be cool. Sorta like Neurosis did (Sun that never… or Enemies…) but no. Had to do as bad videos as possible.

  • Tyree
  • Hubert

    Why is the production on most Nuclear Blast so bad. Who do they hire to do the mixing? A goat?

    • I think hiring a goat should be a better decision.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      What baffles me is that they don’t all have the same guys doing mixing and producing.

    • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

      Lack of a proper budget perhaps? Wintersun’s been groaning about that for quite a while (though I think other things are involved).

  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    OT: got this ballin’ scotch and a bag of white lavender.

    #howtomakeKJMjealous

    • KJM

      No jealousy here, brotha. I’m kickin’ back with some sour diesel, some crack apple kush, and a few Roxis. Chill as fuck in my house tonight.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        Invent some sort of technology to transport one of those roxis to my nose right now

        • KJM

          Replicator/Transporter coming right up! I’ll even make it into a fast acting aerosol spray.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Shit yeah, replicate and transport a thousand of those babies

        • more beer

          There is this place called the post office. They will transport it for you and bring it right to your house. All you need to do is get KJM to agree. I`m a veteran of this.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I said directly to my nose, man!

          • more beer

            No one has that technology If they did the cartels would be using it.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            As the harbinger of great science, i will undertake the creation of the Post Nasal Drip Post.

          • more beer

            You will be hero to all!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Well . . . To some

          • more beer

            To all who believe in better living through chemicals. Who`s numbers are many.

      • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

        *mans the catapult*

  • the song and video were so bad; yet this breakdown was so wonderful!

  • “0:27: 50 Shades Of Maurizio Iacono”.

    Iugh.

    Why is this guy licking strawberry juice? Weird fella.

    365, don’t tell me that you’re going to watch 9 of these videos!?

    pls respond ;_;)

    • it might drive him insane, but it’s the series we deserve.

      • He’s a zombie, his brain is already toasted.

        365 is like those artists that torture themselves for their audience and they return home sad to get drugged with videogames, bad sodas and doritos.

        ;_;)

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    https://youtu.be/DmrAB_apcp4
    Sylvain Houde>>>>Maurizio Iacano
    Sylvain was the vocalist on the first two Kataklysm albums, the debut ‘Sorcery’ still being the best out of their entire discography. They were a much better band back then, way more chaotic (dare I say “skronky”) and definitely more brutal. Sylvain’s vocals are more akin to Lord Worm’s compared to Maurizio’s bland, banal, boring, barely-classifiable-as-death-metal bitch-barks (that’s a bit harsh, but seriously, he’s boring).

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      Bitch Barks is my new punk crust band

    • Zeke

      Right on!!! The first two albums were killer! I ate dinner with maurizio once and he was VERY nice, so I feel bad saying this, but they went to shit as soon as he took over vocals

  • Waynecro

    Vital Remains kicks ass–especially live when Glen Benton’s not the singer.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      Vital Remains RIP. prolly one of my favorite dm bands of all time and one of the best live groups ive ever seen. Too bad my t-shirt doesn’t really fit lol

      • Waynecro

        I saw them at the Summer Slaughter Tour in San Francisco several years ago. They kicked so much ass.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          It’s been years but I have seen them a couple of times in the Raleigh area and they always fucked it up.

          • Waynecro

            “Dechristianize” blew me away when it came out. It’s still one of my favorite CDs. I’ll probably blast that shit when I lift tonight!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            LIFT IT BRO. PLATES ON PLATES, BITCH

          • Waynecro

            FUCK YEAH, BRO! EVERY DAY IS LEG DAY!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            *pounds scotch, throws up bench pressing*

          • Waynecro

            I was doing high-rep squats the other day, and trying not to vomit was the only thing that kept me from blacking out.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Same thing happens to me when doing high rep clean and press lol

          • Waynecro

            That shit’s brutal. I’ve been experimenting with high-rep pre-exhaust sets for lagging body parts. I had to put a puke bucket in my garage gym.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I rarely high rep (i might when I start my next cut). I’m still a fan of using super sets in a similar fashion.

          • Waynecro

            Supersets are awesome. Normally I don’t so high-rep sets, but it seems to work pretty well for some muscle groups (biceps, calves, abs). I’ve been doing that progressive-overload shit where you up the weight on all the major lifts by five to ten pounds every week. I feel beaten up all the time. Dem gainz, tho.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            That’s a solid approach to total gain, for sure. I would call that the classic approach. High rep works real well for all size muscle groups but tends to focus On the smaller ones

          • Waynecro

            I’ve been lifting for years, but my focus hasn’t been on just getting big and strong until recently. I had a lot of health issues that made me focus more on overall health and fitness. I’m finally at the point at which I can just lift heavy. I couldn’t get through it without blasting metal, though. That shit’s better than any preworkout supplement I’ve ever tried.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I was a big lad when i was in my teens, shrunk down in my college days, running to big again

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            *pounding my pud, throws up*

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Did you hear about The Mountain from GOT? He’s the strongest man in Europe for the second time around.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjH4KOgSvCk
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dntSS9j2Olo

          • Waynecro

            The guy’s a fucking monster. Now I feel totally useless and inadequate. His farts probably weigh more than my max lifts.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            I’m more than sure he can literally crush people’s skulls with his bare hands like he does on Game Of Thrones.

          • Waynecro

            I don’t watch GOT, but I’d watch that dude crushin’ actual skulls any day of the week.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Shit, I’d want him to be my drummer! Just give him some dinosaur bones to play the things with!

          • Waynecro

            For a very short period, I was jamming with a drummer who must have been 400 pounds. He made his drinking money doing underground fights. He drove a hearse. One day, he just stopped showing up. Never heard from him again.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            That couldn’t have ended well!

          • Waynecro

            The world may never know.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers
          • more beer

            He probably had a heart attack. That`s a lot of weight to carry around.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Way better than the original Mountain, and I think (despite a disaffectation towards the show) a very good choice. Same for the Hound

      • more beer

        I saw them with Pestilence what a show that was.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Niceee, i know I’ve seen them with Skeletonwitch. and also with Nachtmystium, i believe

          • more beer

            My personal opinion is Pestilence blows both of those bands away. But I like Skeletonwitch, Nachmystium I can do without.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I like all 4¯_(ツ)_/¯

          • more beer

            different strokes you know.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Nachtmystium is good, it’s just Blake Judd I can’t stand. Seemed like a nice enough guy when me and my friend Adam would hang out with him at Metal Haven (RIP), where they both worked. Glad as fuck I never hung out with him outside of there.

          • more beer

            I`m not that into black metal. Pestilence still blows both of those bands away. Heroin has a way of fucking nice enough people up.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Yep! That and him just being a slimy asshole. I’m sure you’ve read about how he ripped off people who bought stuff from his record collection.

          • more beer

            Of course I do. Stealing from people is bullshit especially the way he did it. I have much more respect for the guy who sticks up a 7/11 at gun point than this jerk off. At least the other is actually doing the work of robbing someone and it`s face to face. This guy did it the pussy way.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Robbing people can be hard work, and empowering!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDHG8A_xqKo

          • more beer

            More work than getting money from a pay pal account or cashing a money order.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Or starting up a Kickstarter fund, especially a fraudulent one.

          • more beer

            No shit like I said I have more respect for an armed robber than him. He could have at least been honest and said this campaign is to support my dope habit. I might even have thrown him 5 bucks if he said that.

          • more beer

            Job skills!

          • Lacertilinger

            Did you check out that new Iskra dude?
            Reminded me of Skeletonwitch quite a bit but rips harder in my books.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            If lassy recommends it I will check it

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            This is dope

      • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

        RIP? They’re still together. They got into some shit at a live show recently, involving a nutjob club owner and her waving a crucifix around during their set.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          This must be recent, then

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers
          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Boner intensifies

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            This is so dope

          • more beer

            Crazy Christians. It`s no wonder Nero would set them on fire to light his gardens at night.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            They burn like vampires

          • more beer

            We need to restart that practice!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Preaching to the choir

          • more beer

            I know. But we are in total agreement on this.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Except we use bronies and furries as firewood.

          • more beer

            I will accept that. As long as they are christian bronies and furries.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Eh, I’d love to use some ISIS assholes for firewood than your everyday Christian (excludes the GOP, Westboro Baptist, etc. Toss them in too). Toss all Scientologists in too!

          • more beer

            There are a lot of people who need this.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            I’ve been waiting since I was a kid, but *throws Bill Cosby in there*

          • more beer

            No Quaalude`s make sure he`s awake for it.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            And slowly lower him in, pull him back up, and repeat.

          • just leave gaben out of it (confirmed brony)

        • Waynecro

          I saw that video. I gotta say, though, that lady had some serious stones to get up there and challenge a band and essentially an angry mob of Christ-hating metalheads. It was silly and pointless, but it took guts. Or, like, a metric shit ton of crazy.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I.e. all Christians

            BOOM

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            The militant atheism is at it again!

          • Lacertilinger

            I watched an old episode of Billy Connolly touring New Zealand yesterday and he made a crack about never seeing militant agnostics, nobody goes out at night and burns giant question marks into people’s lawns.
            ?

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            #trulybased

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            You are probably the least based person ever. Even less based than Smitty, and that fuckface is pretty goddamn ahitty.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            2based10^♡tapir

  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    let me say that new Krallice might be my fav of theirs. Pretty ballin shit

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      I will also point out the republican primary debate on CSPAN tonight, lik right now

      • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

        Don’t forget the Yaketty Sax!

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Ducking freakshow bigot shills. I’m sjw for ‘Murica right now

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

      I’ve been listening to Krallice on repeat since it dropped. I love it.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        You’ll always have my blackened heart dubs

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

          I’ll be gentle.

  • I like Kataklysm but the last few albums haven’t done much for me. I haven’t listened to this album yet, only three of the singles. The last album had two songs which I thought were good. Most of their earlier albums are to my liking. They are firmly in the camp of “bands that make good music but not amazing music” for me.

  • KJM
  • Don Henley’s Ego

    I’m going to be going on a short hiatus. Something happened in my personal life and I need some time to be alone. I’d rather not talk about it.

    • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

      Take care and all my heart and best wishes for you in the meantime!

    • good vibes, bro!

  • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

    Gentleman, behold!

    • KJM

      Truly frightening.

      • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

        Part of the TOH prison system.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      The fuck dude? I don’t even like Whispered.

      • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

        Exactly. That’s your punishment!
        I like their music, but their concept is goofy as hell.

        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          My punishment? What the fuck did I do?

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            Crimes against power metal!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Power metal is shit.

          • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

            *signals the supremest downvote*

            http://i.imgur.com/5ry8xQc.gif