Join ToH’s Desert Metal MLM (NOT a Pyramid Scheme) with Shezmu

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Toilet ov Hell is proud to announce that Shezmu is the latest high-profile act to join our Desert Metal multi-level marketing company (that’s definitely not a pyramid, despite what Egyptology would have you believe). We’re excited as gosh heck to add this exciting new band, who is definitely its own CEO and CFO, to one of the layers (but definitely not a pyramid layer) of our management structure. Shezmu is on the fast track to riches to rival those in King Tut’s… pyramid, and if you act now, you can be too.

We know you’ve got questions, so here are some answers to the FAQ’s you undoubtedly have about this exciting new opportunity to access unparalleled wealth and fame in the world of extreme metal beyond the afterlife!

What is the Desert Metal MLM?

The Desert Metal MLM is a dynasty, a powerful hierarchy of bands and fans that grants metalheads just like you the chance to live like Pharaohs when you join our team at the exclusive “Israelite” level! Once you’re part of our solid foundation, the only way is up up up!

That kind of sounds like a pyramid!

It’s definitely not a pyramid! We prefer to think of it as a triangular distribution and recruitment structure that maximizes your profits at every level!

Okay, so what do I do?

Once you’re part of our distribution structure, what you do and how much you make is totally up to you! You’re your own boss, just like all the bosses above you in the triangle (but not pyramid). Desert Metal has two profit avenues that will enable you to collect wealth and prestige like the ancient Egyptians conducting trade up and down the Nile!

First, you’ll need to purchase a particular product package from our select Bandcamp collection! Once you do this, you’ll be able to influence all of your friends in your Bandcamp followers network! If they buy those items too, you profit (in clout and prestige and BOOYAKASHA’s, which are worth their weight in gold)!

So I have to buy stuff first?

Absolutely! It’s just like Rameses the Great always said, “You’ve gotta spend money to make money!”

Well, he had a pretty good poem written about him, so he can’t be wrong. Okay, so I just linked my bank account to Bandcamp through PayPal. Where should I start?

While there are a wide number of Desert Metal selections on Bandcamp, we suggest our esteemed “Israelite” slaves employees (who, remember, are definitely their own bosses) dig into the rich depths of Shezmu’s new EP, The Scent of War. With a caustic black metal production that draws heavily from the likes of “profit champions” like Beherit and Blasphemy, matches it with killer, unhinged riffs and stampeding-chariot blasts heard from countrymen like Rites of Thy Degringolade, and wraps the whole thing in a gruesome Desert Metal atmosphere that rivals even the grandeur of top performers like Nile and Melechesh, Shezmu are the real deal! And at only $3 CAD for 3 of the most warped, mummified Desert Metal tracks around, you’d be a fool to not spend your money!

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Hey, that sounds like a pretty good deal! Where can I buy into the Desert metal distribution program?
Just navigate over to Bandcamp and buy your first shipment (which we’ll automatically restock and bill you for on a monthly basis) of Shezmu’s delectable grapes of wrath. Shezmu was the Ancient Egyptian god of the oilpress, so you know they’re authentic. And while you’re at it, make sure you go tell everyone on Facebook and Twitter about how great Shezmu and Desert Metal are! If you can recruit 20 new “Israelites,” you’ll get to move up to the elite “Priest” caste in our triangular distribution scheme hierarchy. Act now and secure your future voyage to the stars!
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