Jinjer – I Speak Astronomy: A Video Breakdown


Great, another language I don’t understand.

Jinjer is a Ukranian metal band currently on Napalm Records. While it’s certainly easy to make fun of the band’s name (are they going on tour with Synamyn, etc.), I can let the band explain the name via their own website:

“Originally there wasn’t much sense or meaning in the name of JINJER. That was simply a word easy to say and to remember, also it looked cool in written. However, in some time people started associating “JINJER” with the sound of a distorted guitar and the idea was adopted by the band too.”

I appreciate the honesty. Naming a band is hard these days. It feels like everything has been already used. At least they managed to not include “witch” or “wolf” in their name. Maybe that’s because Ginger Witch is a part of the Harry Potter universe and Gingerwolf (check ’em out, they’re pretty good!) was already taken.

Regardless of their name, I’m interested in hearing what a Ukranian band has to say. Their ongoing conflict with real-life supervillian and Trump BFF Vlady Putin must fuel a lot of creative fires. They must have a lot to say, being on the front lines of social and political unrest. This video should be interesting, and I… oh wait. This is the same band that had a staring contest with a dog in their last video. Hmmm. Alright, let’s take a look.

0:00: Six and a half minutes? Crud on a cupcake.
0:03: Can’t we hire an intern to do these?
0:11: In space, no one can hear you eat Butterfinger BB’s.
0:16: Or space doody. Only one way to find out.
0:22: Well, the budget has certainly increased since their last video.
0:26: Though I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.
0:34: Somehow, the shaking camera makes this situation even less believable.
0:42: Weedily Deedily: The Final Frontier.
0:53: Ukraine’s “Send Bros To Space” program is light years ahead of NASA.
1:04: She’s The Matrix. Maybe she knows the singer from Gemini Syndrome.
1:07: She’s got a serious case of “Jell-O arms.” Wiggling all around and stuff.
1:15: At least she has a scarf on.
1:21: Space can be chilly.
1:28: Those solar winds can really gain speed out there.
1:37: Holy Otep of..of…crap, what rhymes with “Otep”?
1:42: And don’t say “Notep.” That doesn’t count.
1:45: This is where I’d make a Prometheus reference, but I never saw the movie, so make it yourself.
1:57: Wearing all black was probably a bad idea.
2:05: All I’m hearing is 0011010100101011010101001.
2:11: Miss, don’t look, but there is a drummer right behind you.
2:21: Totally natural pose.
2:27: Them’s are some Aversions Crown-size ear plugs.
2:35: Hope some space Butterfinger BB’s don’t get stuck in them.
2:47: TOO CLOSE!
2:52: So how does one speak astronomically?
2:59: Is it passed down from generation to generation?
3:05: Or can I just get an Astronomic Rosetta Stone?
3:09: Hey, it’s one of those cell phone coverage maps they show in Verizon commercials.
3:23: Random costume changes are go!
3:31: I feel like watching Species now for some reason.
3:42: So if I understand this right, the space doo-doo represents Putin.
3:49: Huh. That was weird.
3:57: Yup. Still weird.
4:05: Now I want to watch Tron.
4:10: The original, of course.
4:21: This video contains more unnecessary arm movements than two nerds slap-fighting.
4:34: Giant Space Meteors for Harambe.
4:42: Let’s be honest: If we all spoke astronomy, all we would say is “Uranus” over and over.
4:56: I wonder what that dog from their previous video is up to.
5:04: I hope he goes on lots of fun walks and has lots of yummy food.
5:14: Raise your hands in the arm and move them around unnecessarily like you just don’t care.
5:34: Space butt to space butt action.
5:40: I’m no Neal DeGrasse Tyson, but I don’t think that’s how space works.
5:53: The Milky Way is looking extra milky today.
6:01: I had a feeling this was an Ingwar Dovgoteles production.
6:06: Classic Ingwar Dovgoteles.

Jinjer’s album King Of Everything is out now via Napalm Records.

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