Jack Chick, Satan Enthusiast, Has Died

Jack Chick, a complete and total religious weirdo, died this week at the ripe old age of 92. In his time on Earth, he created hundreds of Christian morality cartoons (known as “Chick Tracts”) that revealed him as a man that was depraved, morbid, and above all else, totally obsessed with the Dark Lord. Let’s enjoy some of his greatest hits.

If you’ve lived mercifully unaware of Chick Tracts, you likely weren’t raised in a suffocating Christian environment. Good for you! Please let me know what it’s like to not have the distorted point of view that all of your thoughts and actions will result in death and eternal damnation, even years after embracing atheism.

Since the 70s, Jack Chick’s palm-sized cartoons have been handed out to small children. Trick-or-Treating at a Southern Baptist house? You probably got a Chick Tract. Caught acting up by a busybody evangelist adult or a narc-ass kid? You probably got a Chick Tract. Stuck in an oppressively religious environment like a church camp? Buddy, you better believe you were getting a Chick Tract. And it’s not just Americans that have been saddled with these minuscule books of horror; Chick Tracts have been translated to over 100 languages and are distributed worldwide by well-meaning but utterly clueless missionaries. People of all ages, the world over, have been traumatized by Jack Chick’s horrible cartoons.

Through his comics, Jack Chick’s had a message for women, gays, Muslims, blacks, Jews, D&D players, teachers, people that enjoy Halloween, people that believe in religious tolerance, and most other groups on earth: You’re goin’ to hell.

Let’s start with perhaps his most widely mocked work, “Dark Dungeons“, a cautionary tale of the dangers of D&D.

Or this story about how science is fuckin’ dumb.

I personally love “Soul Story“, a tale about how Chick never met a black person in his entire life.

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I can’t even explain how wild this tract is. If you love Halloween and murderous pumpkins, please read “Boo“.

Basically, fuck Jack Chick.

One’s thing for certain: dude loved Satan. Let’s look at some of his loving depictions of hell.

Jack Chick lived a notoriously reclusive life. Not much is known about him personally, but through his art we can be certain that he believed everyday jamokes were doomed to hell with unexpected death, while pedophiles and murderers could achieve salvation simply by reciting the Lord’s Prayer before shrugging off their mortal coil. This one’s for you, Jack. Hail Satan.

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Published on: October 26, 2016

Filled Under: Nerd Shit

Views: 1719

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • JonTron has got us covered.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=subQrEPKytA

    • I don’t normally watch YouTube vids, but the production values on this are pretty tite

    • I’ve never watched a JonTron video, but I might will now!

  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    I’ve never heard of these before even though my parents are very religious. I’m happy I’ve never seen them before.

    • As a sane adult, they can be pretty damn amusing to read

  • Dr. K

    There was a fellow who handed out Chick tracts on the quad at my university, so I amassed a pretty solid collection at one point. I’ve always really enjoyed this parody from before such mashups were quite so ubiquitous: http://www.fredvanlente.com/cthulhutract/pages/

    • This is great

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Holy shit this is marvelous!

    • Eliza

      Amazing.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Hail Satan

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    He had me at “The true story of ex-vampire William Schroebelen”.
    The TRUE story of an EX-VAMPIRE…

    • Dr. K

      It can be done! Haven’t you seen Near Dark?

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Actually, no, I haven’t.

  • J.R.™

    Joe you’re an atheist? And all this time I thought you worshipped the flush

  • InfinityOfThoughts

    Good riddance. Thanks for all the laughs though.

  • Abradolf Lincler

    good riddance, i suppose

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      I agree.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Whoa, Joe posted a Venom song.

  • W.

    I remember seeing these in the bathroom at my grandma’s house. Weird stuff. Not a fan.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Shittin’ for Jesus.

  • I, uh, I don’t understand any of this.

    So, have my favorite song about Satan:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3KO7_iUH1g

    • Always upvote the yellow goat.

    • more beer

      Any sane individual doesn’t understand any of this.

    • Maik Beninton™

      Me neither, I don’t understand any of the things discussed here, I guess I had an actually normal christian life, and I guess it’s better if I don’t ask.

  • Mr. Bojangles
  • Celtic Frosty

    My dad was/is a Pentecostal preacher. That’s the speaking in tongues, running around, rolling in the floor, and in some mountainous regions, snake handling version of Evangelicals. Jack Chick cartoons actually hung on the walls of some of our Sunday school classrooms. I never found any of this strange or wrong because it was 100% in line with what we were taught every Sunday.

    So yes, fuck Jack Chick. But also fuck the version of Christianity that created him. Seeing these cartoons brings back a lot of painful shit.

    • I spent 1 year in one of those Charismatic Churches. I learnt a couple of things, but in the last months, it became a painful experience.

      I just try to cherish the things I aknowledge there and some other stuffs, but I would never ever return to one, to be honest.

    • GL

      I can only assume that this is what you are talking about?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2UtVyrXuEA

      Your dad sounds like a fuckin’ badass if so!

      GL

      • Celtic Frosty

        We weren’t into the snake handling. My dad thought it was idiotic and that putting yourself in harm’s way on purpose was testing God instead of trusting him. Say what you will about the man, but he does not lack common sense.

        • GL
        • GL

          But seriously, after watching that entire video, who wouldn’t want to go to a church where they are fucking round with snakes, drinking clear liquid from some jar, and playing rock and roll guitars. Sounds dope af.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            check out that dude in your gif just gettin down on them cymbals

      • Abradolf Lincler

        here i thought that would be in a part of georgia closer to me

        • GL

          There are stupid people all over the country. Not just near you. Lol.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            aint that the truf

      • Eliza

        This is insane and no better that any of the pagan rituals that christians like to believe are so beneath them.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          A lot of “rituals” and/or feasts/holidays associated with Christianity just basically are those old pagan rituals and feasts with different names.

          • Eliza

            This is true.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            namely, pretty much all of them

          • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

            Yeah, it was basically

            “You need to convert from your pagan religions!”

            “I dunno man. . .do you guys have sweet parties all the fuckin’ time?”

            “No, those are in the worship of false gods!”

            “OK, later–”

            “–Wait, wait! Let me finish! Your parties are linked with false gods. We have just as many parties. So many. You won’t miss your old ones one bit.”

            “Oh, well alright then.”

    • tigeraid

      Having never experienced indoctrination growing up, I can only hope to sympathize.

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      I’m so sorry. That’s not something someone should have to deal with. I’m Catholic and my parents are too but they’re also smart enough to not be religious fundamentalists. I believe that the brand of religion that fundamentalists deal in isnt actually religious. It’s just the way they judge others. Remember this: God will judge them the way they judged others.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        will god hold them up over his head to see if they will bite him in the face?

        • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

          I’ll explain this a little more thoroughly: God is just but he is mostly loving. From how I was taught about religion the way they judge people, for example what the fundamentalists see wrong in people different from them, will be how God judges them. God also knows and sees everything so he knows what they do that is a sin. I also believe that the fundamentalists will go to hell because they’re not truly religious. They’re just using religion to promote hatred and that’s not what God wants.

          • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

            I don’t personally believe much of anything anymore (not that I’m really committed to the point that I’d call myself an atheist either, though), but one thing I did value about my upbringing was that even though it was judgmental in the sense that anyone outside the church was deemed improper to associate with, the message was always a very clear “God will judge people. You spread his message, but you don’t take action or actually cast judgment on people yourself.” Now, whether people actually took that to heart was another thing entirely, but I at least appreciated the sentiment.

            It also helped that we didn’t believe in hell at all, so the worst-case scenario was just regular ol’ death.

          • GL

            Surely God must exist, I mean who else could be responsible for all those great cat gifs on the interweb? Just saying.

          • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

            He does. I can attest to that.

          • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

            Exactly!

          • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

            I was never taught that it was improper to associate with anyone outside the church. Also my parents believe that God will judge and that you should spread his message. They also believe that you shouldn’t cast judgement or take action. I took that message to heart because of the people who judged me but I never took action or judged them. I just forgave them.

    • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

      I never got why anyone didn’t think the whole speaking in tongues thing didn’t sound like demonic possession. You’d think as a Christian that kind of thing would freak you out worse than someone totally not religious. At least an atheist or whomever can go “well those guys are just acting crazy.” I wouldn’t think having the holy spirit inside you would make you practically foam at the mouth and go nuts.

      I was raised extremely conservatively, but fortunately none of it involved anything very ritualistic or dependent on showmanship like that. It was just hardcore in restriction from a lot of things you couldn’t do.

      • The first time I saw a person “speaking in tongues” really scared the shit out of me!

      • Celtic Frosty

        There’s a biblical justification for it from the Book of Acts. Acts 2:4 – “All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.”

        Not that I don’t personally think it’s full-on crazy.

        • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

          Doesn’t say they jumped around and went bananas, though. And I don’t understand why “other tongues” equates to gibberish. Other tongues means other languages. The point (at least as I always understood it) is that the Holy Spirit enabled them to speak to those they otherwise wouldn’t have been able to, in order to spread the Word.

          Hopping around in your own church with nobody else but other people who already believe doesn’t really do anyone any good.

          Feel like that comes across sounding more hateful than I intend it to, so just throwing that out there. It’s more like. . .mild frustration.

          • Celtic Frosty

            Yeah we’re totally on the same page. I was just explaining their justification for it, weak as it may be.

          • GoatForest

            Logic and reason doesn’t factor into Pentecostalism.

    • GoatForest

      Hey. I grew up in the Pentecostal way, too. Fuck that faith. That shit really screws people up.

  • Very early on in life, I disposed of religion. My parents brought us to church and my sister and I thought it was boring, so we stopped going. In 6th grade I got kicked out of a weekly after school Catholicism class. The teacher told my mother I didn’t belong there. Luckily my parents were accepting and understanding of all this so I only have to do churchy things for weddings and funerals.

    • nbm02ss

      My mom is Christian, but my dad isn’t religious, so my parents had a very hands off, let me discover it for myself, approach. Had I turned out religious they would have supported me, but I didn’t and they supported me anyways.

      Probably helped that I grew up in WA state, so I didn’t have many outside pressures. Virtually no one I knew growing up went to church.

      • Yeah I’m glad they didn’t force anything on me. They can’t really complain, I turned out just fine.

  • RJA

    I’ve spotted some really sweet demo covers in there!

    • Abradolf Lincler

      MURDER PUMPKIN

  • It’s fitting he was such a recluse, the chump probably thought demons were out to get him every time he went outside, like Sen. McCarthy but with Satan. Or any number of historical religious nuts who saw the Devil around every corner. Anyway fuck him, I’m glad he’s not around to spread his poisonous ideas anymore. Keep posting Satanic shit in his memory.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9UGTW6eX8ug

  • Eliza

    I’m glad I’ve never been exposed to stuff like this, even though I grew up in a pretty religious environment. If there’s one good thing about the way I’ve been taught about religion, it is the fact that there was more talk about heaven than hell.

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      Someone gets it. That’s how I was taught as well.

      • Eliza

        It was meant to make religion more appealing in a way that’s not as oppressive as fear mongering.

    • Oh, American Evangelical Christianity is trying to to ruin this country a real treat, you’d love it.

      • The scary thing is that some of those people are bat shit crazy and they hold positions of power in which they attempted to turn their ideaology into law. Raphael “Ted” Cruz comes to mind.

  • Guess I’m a dummy, cause I’m definitely in league with Satan 🙁

  • Freedom Jew

    I got nothing.

  • Waynecro

    I’m totally going to start saying “welcome to the laughing place” at inappropriate times.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    Lesbians AAAANNNNNNDDD homosexuals you say

  • sweetooth0

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Max

    I’ve heard of this guy but I wasn’t too aware of the details. I’ve definitely seen the cartoons before, probably in relation to the 1980s D&D moral panic.

    But I hadn’t seen the racist ones. You’d think churches and Bible camps would be a little more careful about associating themselves with that.

    • From my experience with small town Christianity, the church completely embraced all of this.

      • Max

        Well, I’m sure you’re right. The only reason I bring it up is because any time I watch footage of modern evangelical congregations, they always seem to be quite ethnically diverse – as though the churches had made a thorough attempt to try and shake off their racism and be more “inclusive” or whatever. And yet, if they’re still peddling this stuff…

        But obviously in a small town the congregation wouldn’t be as diverse anyway.

  • I used to get these highly-entertaining tracts given to me all the time by the same fuckheads who in the eighties burned records and referred to any music African Americans played as “jungle music.”

  • OldMetalHead

    Venom>>>>>
    Also, I enjoy all of these cartoons ironically.

  • some dude

    “Satan Enthusiast”. I love this blog.

  • GoatForest

    The one set of pictures about witches’ covens actually looks pretty badass, though.