It Lives, It Breathes – Independence Day: A Video Breakdown

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It Slices It Dices.

Everyone’s favorite human dank meme Chris “Fronz” Fronzak is at it again. No, not mistakenly hitting a fan who he thought had hit him or saying homophobic slurs like they’re the only thing keeping him alive. Fronzak has signed a new band to his label (he has a label?) and they come with the backing one would expect from the former MTV “Made” star.

Fronzak says: “It Lives, It Breathes is the future of music. They have a unique sound spanning multiple genres and their songs are guaranteed to be stuck in your head after just one listen. This is only the beginning for ILIB, the future belongs to them.”

The future of music, you guys. We’re talking Spacely Sprockets type shit. The future belongs to It Lives, It Breathes. Pack it up. Quit your job. Time to go home. There’s no point in doing anything anymore. Just load up on canned goods and wait for the It Lives, It Breathespocalypse. Let’s see what the future has in store for us.

0:02: Uhhhhhhhhh
0:06: Lllllllllllllllllllllllladies.
0:08: Dude is punching the hell out of his leg. Maybe it fell asleep.
0:09: That haircut says “Douchebag in the front, Bdubs in the back.”
0:11: The drummer is having a serious conniption fit. No more sugar for him.
0:19: Sure is easy to walk around when you’re not playing your instruments.
0:25: Must’ve taken him all day to come up with that face paint design.
0:30: The future of music is forsaken.
0:33: I’m surprised this video doesn’t have bite marks with all this scenery chewing.
0:36: Miami Vice: The Next Generation.
0:39: I hope he got a bunch of splinters on his tongue.
0:43: Who put peanut butter on his nose?
0:48: “Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? They’re the same face!”
0:53: God I hope he knocks himself unconscious doing that one day.
1:01: “Ahhh! Bees! Get ’em off me! Get ’em off me!!!”
1:10: Aw, you smeared paint all over the nice Banana Republic shirt that your Gram Gram got you.
1:14: The real trick would be if this drummer could just stick to drumming.
1:21: I wonder what’s the wierdest thing he’s ever stuck through his gaping ear holes.
1:23: Fried asparagus maybe?
1:25: Mini cucumbers?
1:29: You can actually see the “dudebro” flying off of him.
1:38: The future is a scary place, my friends.
1:41: It’s full of black pants, black shoes, body paint, and bad haircuts.
1:44: So it’s kind of like The Road Warrior without all the fun parts.
1:53: Is it wrong to hope that paint is toxic? Good.
2:01: Please hit him. Please please please hit him.
2:03: Damn.
2:08: Man, how does he go from holding a bass in one scene to nothing in the next. I hope he does that live.
2:14: In fairness, it’s not like he’s playing it all that much anyway. It’s more like a stage prop.
2:20: Hi-yah!
2:23: Calisthenicscore
2:30: Glitter is brutal.
2:37: Someone needs to superglue the drummer to his stool.
2:43: Coming to a way-too-loud Hot Topic near you.
2:48: I can’t handle all of this choreography and all these poses. This is worse than synchronized headbanging or bouncing. Much worse.
2:52: Spin, ya bastards! Spin like you mean it!
2:58: Gulp.
3:05: Get the fuck outta here.
3:12: I…I can’t anymore.
3:19: Again with the tongue. Get a new move, dude.
3:26: So, last we saw the singer about to inhale his microphone and now we see him spitting out a fire-hydrants worth of liquid. Just sayin’.
3:33: He’s got some serious eighthead going on.
3:40: And mercifully, it’s over.

Woooow I’m sorry. I mean, I’m not sorry that you now know what this band songs like. I’m just sorry that we will have to live in a future where that is popular. Just avoid places where edgy tweens gather for the next 5 years and you should be fine.

It Lives It Breathes’s new album is out…ah who gives it a shit? Just post some better bands in the comments section. You were going to do it anyway.