Introducing HEXER and their Feel-Good Hit of the Summer

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Hello, toileteers! Yer good ol’ pal HessianHunter is back in action writing for this here bathroom appliance blog. I’m here to fight the good fight against the forces of tyranny, clogged pipes, and autotuned chuggaholics.

A lot of kind folks blew all kinds of smoke up my ass about when I took over MetalSucks last year, and I appreciated the textual fellatio, but I also received some very fair criticism that the bulk of what I wrote about was not, uh, very metal. I am personally more interested in whatever music is dark, intense and/or progressive than specifically what counts as “metal”, but I grant that I should know my audience and cater to what an established community has gathered together to celebrate. Thus, as a sign of good faith, I stand before you today with an offering of what is about to become the most treasured patch on your local hesher’s battle jacket, the newest servants of the old order of black metal, HEXER.

This here HEXER EP is the black n’ roll jam of the summer.  The first track in particular might just become your new favorite song of 2014, because it sure as fuck is mine. This riff has been stuck in my head since I first stumbled on their Bandcamp a few weeks ago, and seeing them play a destructive set opening for Mutilation Rites (with whom they share a rhythm section) only made it worse. HEXER is too kvvl to give songs proper names or whatever, but luckily everyone who’s heard the song will know exactly which track you’re talking about when you call it “dahh-nahh-nananahhh, dahh-nahh-nananahhh”.

Bottom line: this is some headbanging, beer-swilling, fun-as-shit black metal straight out of Philadelphia. Energetic drums and powertool guitar tone make for a shreddy, Venom-fueled bonfire party with the Devil and HEY YOU’RE INVITED TOO, YOU’RE VERY FUCKING WELCOME, AM I A COOL KID NOW???

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