Introducing HEXER and their Feel-Good Hit of the Summer

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Hello, toileteers! Yer good ol’ pal HessianHunter is back in action writing for this here bathroom appliance blog. I’m here to fight the good fight against the forces of tyranny, clogged pipes, and autotuned chuggaholics.

A lot of kind folks blew all kinds of smoke up my ass about when I took over MetalSucks last year, and I appreciated the textual fellatio, but I also received some very fair criticism that the bulk of what I wrote about was not, uh, very metal. I am personally more interested in whatever music is dark, intense and/or progressive than specifically what counts as “metal”, but I grant that I should know my audience and cater to what an established community has gathered together to celebrate. Thus, as a sign of good faith, I stand before you today with an offering of what is about to become the most treasured patch on your local hesher’s battle jacket, the newest servants of the old order of black metal, HEXER.

This here HEXER EP is the black n’ roll jam of the summer.  The first track in particular might just become your new favorite song of 2014, because it sure as fuck is mine. This riff has been stuck in my head since I first stumbled on their Bandcamp a few weeks ago, and seeing them play a destructive set opening for Mutilation Rites (with whom they share a rhythm section) only made it worse. HEXER is too kvvl to give songs proper names or whatever, but luckily everyone who’s heard the song will know exactly which track you’re talking about when you call it “dahh-nahh-nananahhh, dahh-nahh-nananahhh”.

Bottom line: this is some headbanging, beer-swilling, fun-as-shit black metal straight out of Philadelphia. Energetic drums and powertool guitar tone make for a shreddy, Venom-fueled bonfire party with the Devil and HEY YOU’RE INVITED TOO, YOU’RE VERY FUCKING WELCOME, AM I A COOL KID NOW???

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  • This gets my steel stamp of steel approval.

  • W.

    Dat album art. Also, hail, HessianHunter! Welcome to the terlet.

    • HessianHunter

      It’s good to be here, Mr. President.

  • Tyree

    You had me at headbanging, beer-swilling, fun-as-shit black metal.

    *Oh and of course the band Hexer.

    • But that was at the very end.

      • Tyree

        Oh yeah… and of course the band that is Hexer. Lol

  • Tyree

    You are right about that riff. Shit is catchy as hell.

    • HessianHunter

      It’s seems so obvious, like “How have I not heard this before?” but also “HOW CAN I LISTEN TO THIS FOREVERANDEVERANDEVER!?!?”

      • It’s very Bad Religion-ish. Not that that’s a bad thing.

  • I tried really hard to appreciate this, I did, but http://silverspaceship.com/static/shot_2.png

    • Stockhausen

      Haha. Those were my thoughts.

    • Get an MRI, both of you! Dr. SteelDragon’s orders.

    • Get an MRI, both of you! Dr. SteelDragon’s orders.

      • Tyree

        I second this.

      • Stockhausen

        Master, lord, AND doctor??

        • and Dragon!

          • Stockhausen

            I have so much to learn.

          • I’ve also been called the Grand Procrastinator, Haver of No Friends, and douchebag – whatever that means.

          • lolbuttz

            I believe that last one is an old, old wooden ship, used in the civil war era.

          • lolbuttz

      • I tried getting an MRI once, but I shouted at the machine and it cowered in fear.

  • Ace Ventura

    Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you. And our pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang love us, too. Hi, ho. Everywhere we go on Chitty Chitty we depend. Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, our fine four-fendered friend. Our fine four-fendered… Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Bang Bang yeah!

  • YourLogicSucks

    I enjoyed your not-so-metal posts, screw labels. Good music is good music, and you know how to find it!

    • HessianHunter

      Plenty not-metal posts will be coming, don’t you worry.

      • Tyree

        Your avatar is so fucking adorable.

  • YourLogicSucks

    I enjoyed your not-so-metal posts, screw labels. Good music is good music, and you know how to find it!

  • Stockhausen

    Would like to see a Coal ‘n Roll Tour where dirty rock ‘n roll infused metal bands whip up frenzies all across ‘Merica. These guys and Brain Famine would be a good start. And course, you know what that tour bus would do.

    • maybe the ToiletOvHell t-shirts could say “Coal Rolling across other metal blogs!”

    • Howard Dean

      I imagine an actual tour named “Coal ‘n Roll” would have a lineup consisting of Georgia Satellites, Molly Hatchet, Toby Keith, .38 Special, and some type of pieced together Lynyrd Skynyrd as the headliner. It would also involve corporate sponsorship from Milwaukee’s Best, Smith & Wesson, Cummins Diesel engines, and Walmart (who would also sell the exclusive live recording of the event).

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    why can’t i download it 🙁

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    COME EVERYBODY TOGETHER NOW: DAHH-NAHH-NANANAHHH, DAHH-NAHH-NANANAHHH, DAHH-NAHH-NANANAHHH…

  • thexenosapien

    Here’s the download link to their two ep’s and their first demo http://gileadmedia.bandcamp.com/album/hexer

  • Xan

    That was seriously bad ass! Amazing album artwork too.