Inspirational Flushes: Introducing The A.V. Club’s Hatesong

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Happy Monday, Toileteers! Consider this post a salutation to procrastination, giving you some sorely needed reading material by which to temporarily forget that it is the beginning of your work week and you will spend 40 of the next 100 or so hours doing shit you hate for not enough money.

Obviously, we get our rocks off around here trash-talking anyone and everything and flushing all loathsome materials down the wretched, disgusting TOILET OV HELL. We’re no strangers to being haters. Let’s collectively take some inspiration, then, from a marvelous recurring feature courtesy of The A.V. Club, Hatesong.

In this feature, they “ask our favorite musicians, writers, comedians, actors, and so forth to expound on the one song they hate most in the world”. I’ll admit up-front that the feature is hit-or-miss. Some haters are funnier and seemingly more genuine than others, and a couple even actually manage to make themselves look like nimrods in the process of articulating their hatred for generally beloved songs. Here’s a selection of the hits, specifically my favorite quotes from the hard rock/metal-oriented interviewees that have been featured.

Les Claypool, on Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive”

“Bon Jovi was actually a big influence on Primus back in the day. Basically, the influence was that we wanted to make music that was the polar opposite of Bon Jovi. […] That’s some soft metal. That’s like Play-Doh.”

Even Linger of Skeletonwitch on Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week”

“I did a lot of soul searching on this one. There are a lot of songs I hate, because I’m naturally a hater. I just hate this one the most. […] ’One Week’ wasn’t even a rock song. It’s a weird college-rock song with some rap in it, and it doesn’t even qualify as music. It’s sort of like a big joke, so that’s why I picked it.”

Steve Albini on Cher’s “Believe”

“A bunch of my friends, for whatever reason, decided they wanted to entertain that song as an interesting piece of music. […]  It’s like in a zombie film, when you see your friend has been bitten and you’re just looking for the cues that he’s going to go full zombie on you. […] The world is crawling with a million terrible songs. But when it’s a terrible song that gives all your friends brain cancer and makes shit foam up out of their mouths, that’s when it’s a problem.”

Dean Ween of Ween on 4 Non Blondes‘ “What’s Up”

“I don’t remember where I was, or what I was doing, but I remember hearing it and thinking, ‘This is the most obnoxious fucking hollering I’ve ever heard in my life.’ I could envision the horrible, horrible female that was singing it, and I knew that it was gonna be a hit, just by how bad I hated it. […] Everything about the song is so awful that if I sat down and tried to write the worst song ever, I couldn’t even make it 10 percent of the reality of how awful that song is.

If I don’t like stuff, then I change the channel. There’s stuff that can be ignored. Then there’s stuff that’s so inexcusable, I would go out of my way if their van [4 Non Blondes] was parked by the club to slash the tires and kick the door panels in. Or their bus. Probably their private jet. Fuck.”

Other entries that may hold particular interest to metalheads include verbal lashings from Scott Ian of Anthrax, Matt Pike of High on Fire, Oderus Urungus of GWAR, Laura Pleasants of Kylesa, and comedians Brian Posehn and Dave Hill.

Peruse 2+ years’ worth of Hatesong here, and please report back with any gems you find. I’m sure you all will have plenty to say about Wye Oaks’ thorough flushing of Papa Roach‘s “Scars”, so let’s have at it!

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    This concept is a lot of fun. I am sure I can come up with something better if I thought about it for a little while, but at this moment I would go with Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing. Bring on the haters.

    • Edward Meehan

      Wheel In The Sky though?

      Wheel In The Sky >>>>>>

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        I’m not anti-Journey, just that song.

      • Scrimm

        For some reason that song used to creep me out when I was very little.

        • Edward Meehan

          Really?

          • Scrimm

            Yeah I used to picture a giant burning wheel in the sky. Something about the way he sang it too. but I’m talking like 5-6 years old.

      • higher place

    • HessianHunter

      Ooh, bold choice. I could personally do w/o ever hearing it ever again, but it’s a perfectly fine song as far as I’m concerned.

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        That’s probably true, it might have something to do with it’s being overplayed, and it becoming the White Sox anthem when they one the series. I can’t even hear it as a song anymore, it’s like every noise within the song is just a representation of a song, melded into an interpretation of something that a band might create. Also I am sick and have no idea what I just said.

        • W.

          It’s overstayed it’s welcome in my opinion. It reminds me of late nights with drunks singing it in bad karaoke.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I love Journey, but they are not Journey without Steve Perry. Also, the music video for Separate Ways is so bad it’s not even possible to laugh at. It’s so bad you have to wonder why it was made.

      • DeeSnarl

        If by bad you mean awesome. Also, Journey’s best song…

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          The song is amazing and is one of their best but the music video is just stupid. Why the hell are they pretending to play instruments instead of actually playing them.

      • have you heard Eclipse? they’re doing just fine with the new guy. it’s actually a great rock album!

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I own a copy of it. I bought a copy of it when I heard about it because even though I don’t consider it Journey without Steve I still buy their stuff because I love them.

          • i can’t take this emotional rollercoaster Jim

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            What emotional rollercoaster? I hate Manfred Mann’s Earth more than most people. I like Journey even though I don’t consider them Journey without Steve. Even with that problem I still love Journey.

          • please stop yelling! daddy i hate it when you go straight to the bar after work… you’re not yourself when you get home!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’m sorry, but daddy sometimes has to go to the bar for business.

    • DeeSnarl

      Was just about to say this…

    • Glee ruined that song. (Glee’s a thing, right?)

  • Guacamole Jim

    I hate everything Cradle Of Filth has done with a fiery passion that burns in my loins.

    • Lord Ov Kapsko

      Flush CoF with a foul vulture’s cloaca.

    • Mother Shabubu III

      One of the bands I try to pretend I didn’t listen to in 9th and 10th grade, although they did turn me on to some good stuff (Emperor, Death, etc…).

      PS: The word “loins” is horribly underused, I commend you avocado-based dip-man!

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      When my loins burn, I turn to Anti Monkey Butt Powder:

      http://www.shescribes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Monkey-Butt.jpg

    • God

      I still listen to CoF. I HAVE NO SHAME!

      • Guacamole Jim

        MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      The older brother of a friend of mine once pushed Dani Filth over in a bar.

    • J.R.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W35dyPTh6o

      Whenever I hear of burning loins this is all I can think of.
      On a side note, have you tried guacamole, Jim?

      • Guacamole Jim

        Guacamole is the only chip dip. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

        • J.R.

          Use not the dip for just the chip, but also for when your loins feel like they will rip from sack to tip with a burning feel you’d like to skip. your pain, on the radar, will be just a blip.

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    Fucken mondays. Hate them. Based Obama should rename it to Akerfelday cause ther’e so shitty.

    • Mother Shabubu III

      Instead of trying to take our guns away, Baraka Hussein Obama should be trying to take Mondays away.

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        Coal rolling!

        • CyberneticOrganism

          BRO… YES

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            in an F250

        • Mother Shabubu III

          I just googled this and I can’t even make a joke about it. Why didn’t that asteroid hit us yesterday, why?

          All I wanted was an asteroid impact. Just one asteroid impact! And she wouldn’t give it to me!

      • Edward Meehan

        He personally came to my house and took away twenty AK-47s and just put them in his car.

        • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

          hope you remembered to keep your ammo and high capacity mags stored separately.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          Did he try to kidnap you and take you to a FEMA camp?

          • Edward Meehan

            No but he said Hilary Clinton would be by to do that later. “Be prepared”, he said.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            I don’t see Hilary getting the office. No way this country-fried rube of a nation elects the first woman president after all the backlash against the first black (err…half black) president.

          • *first muslim black president

            FTFY (jk, in case you couldn’t sense the sarcasm)

          • Edward Meehan

            *first Muslim communist black president who is also in the Illuminati they put him in office

          • W.

            And a Christian/Satanist

          • In all seriousness, I put my money on him actually being agnostic or atheist. But no president or presidential candidate would admit that in this social/political climate.

          • W.

            Definitely.

          • Edward Meehan

            Obama is Satan, and the Antichrist.

          • KJM

            There is no Obama, only Zuul.

          • crazytaco_12

            Obama is love, Obama is life

          • Mother Shabubu III

            *first Kenyan-born Muslim black president

          • Edward Meehan

            BINGO

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I thought he was Irish?

          • KJM

            Whomever the Democrats nominate as their candidate will win in 2016. The GOP has nothing. Romney was their best chance and Obama cleaned his clock with a shitty approval rating and a horrible economy.

          • JWG

            I agree, only because I am quite sure they wouldn’t nominate someone completely off the ‘mainstream’ (read: right-of-right-of center). Their pick will be safe, though not without manufactured controversies by the reactionary subset. Because that’s the way they roll.

            On a side note – one of our national magazines runs a poll near US election time that asks basically who Canada would vote for assuming we could. Since it started it always skewed heavily Democratic, even among our Conservative Party voters (only their core constituency, which is at best less than a quarter of the population, match Republicans).

          • KJM

            A Canadian Conservative(for the most part) is essentially the same as a Center-Right Democrat(i.e. slightly to the left of Bill Clinton).

          • JWG

            For the most part, indeed. I think our PM forgot that traditional yardstick, as his agenda over the last decade has involved undermining the traditional ‘Conservative’ message in total favour of a Republican style pro-business-over-everyone-else mentality.

            I consider myself a ‘Red Tory’ so the current Conservative Party lost me before I even started voting (same year they merged from a coalition of small-c conservatives). But I can’t support our so-called “Liberal” Party either; because their decision-making has been cold, calculated, poll-driven. And now it’s just got a fresh coat of dynasty-building to go along with the machinations.

            It’s not as much a contradiction as some would have you believe to (privately) hold conservative ideals yet vote consistently for “Left” parties. Granted, I’m annoyed by the Union influence on the NDP. But they seem otherwise genuine.

  • Xan

    For me, I’d have to go with the entire discography of KISS. I fucking hate every single song. The vocals are terrible, guitars are weak, and I’m generally bored when I hear their drivel. I don’t think they would even be popular without the stage theatrics.

    • Stockhausen

      Xan for president.

      • W.

        He has my seal of approval.

        • Stockhausen

          I’m glad you understand, I didn’t want to offend you.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I agree. Kiss is terrible musically and I will never forgive Gene for his comments about suicide.

      • Xan

        I’ll be making my State of the Union address at 8:00 tonight on your favorite dead media format.

    • KISS is “edgy” rock for conservative catholic republicans that would feel too icky listening to AC/DC or any band with actual musical merit.

    • but… but… when they repeat the chorus over and over again (without the instruments) and get the audience clapping. it’s like touching the hand of god.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Hahahaha.

      • Xan

        GET PUMPED, BRO!

    • HessianHunter

      I always say “The nicest thing I have to say about AC/DC is that they’re not KISS.”

      • Xan

        I’m going to have to start using that one.

    • Elite Extremophile

      Plus they were the financial springboard for Gene “My vagina is 3 Astronomical Units wide” Simmons.

      • Xan

        I choked on milk from laughing at this.

    • Scrimm

      Kiss is total garbage.

    • Randall Thor

      YOU WIMPS AND POSERS BETTER GET YOUR ASSES READY, BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO TRIUMP WITH MY MAGIC STEEL SO FAR UP IN THERE THAT YOU’LL BE VOMITING POWER METAL FOR WEEKS.

      KISS IS THE GREATEST LIVE BAND ON THE PLANET. I HATE ALL OF YOU.

      • Xan

        WRONG! THE GREATEST LIVE BAND ON THE PLANET IS GWAR! HOW I MISS THEE ODERUS!

      • i’d rather see Axel Rudi Pell live.

    • Xan

      Dat hair.

      • Scrimm

        What about this hair? Oh wait…

        • Scrimm

          what the hell

          • Dëpütÿ Dïpshït

            I see improvement. Billy Zane, is that you?

        • Xan

          The great helmet hair of time control.

    • crazytaco_12

      Nah bro, though I am not proud to like Kiss because I find Gene and Paul to be shitty people, I love a ton of their shit. I’ll agree that on studio albums, their songs sound worse as compared to their live recordings, and past the 70’s I really don’t give a shit about their music. But they have a ton of good tracks.

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    Goo Goo Dolls or Doo Doo Dudes. Hate them.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I hate them so much. They performed twice in my area last year. I would rather be forced to listen to this album at volumes that will kill me than listen to Goo Goo Dolls.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A77zbzGxCn4

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I have three of these. I pick Emmure in general, Aerosmith’s albums Draw The Line, Night In the Ruts, Rock in a Hard Place and Done With Mirrors, and all U2 albums that aren’t Achtung Baby, Zooropa and their album Pop. Emmure I hate for obvious reasons, the Aerosmith albums are hated by me because they are unlistenable, especially Rock in a Hard Place and Done With Mirrors. The singing and the work in general on those albums is just terrible. I pick the U2 stuff because not only is their early stuff so preachy that Stryper would tell them to tone it down their later stuff is even more preachy. Also, The Edge is a douche and that’s another reason why I hate U2.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Fuck U2 for eternity and fuck Boner and the Mehdge too.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I couldn’t agree more. The albums I do like of theirs that I listed above are only liked by me because they don’t sound like U2. They sound like a completely different band.

      • U2 is the shittiest thing ever. Shitty people, too.

        • b-but…charity

          • Xan

            B-but 99% in Boner’s pockets!

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            *In his glasses.

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            But what about the charity!? The charity!
            Fuck the charity, that’s right, fuck it.

          • Xan

            NO FOOD FOR YOU, AFRICAN CHILD!

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            One third ov my countrymen need charity but the media are telling us that we’re one ov the few countries that went through the economic crysis really well.

          • Pierre Generic

            U2’s hypocritical for claiming to support the Irish people but use tax shelters to avoid paying Irish taxes.

          • Charity, but at what cost?
            AT WHAT COST?

          • I know you’re just fucking with me, but Bono is such a living, breathing turd I’m sure the only reason he does charity is for the publicity and eventual money that said publicity brings his band.

            *FLUSH*

            *FLUSHES AGAIN FOR CLEANLINESS*

            http://soundslikeshark.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/bono-south-park-turd.jpg

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        Batman song is pretty dope tho.

        • Further Down the Metal Hole

          When I discovered that it was U2 who did it I felt a bit sad inside. One song of U2 actually existed that I did not dislike. Shocker.

      • HessianHunter

        lol “Medge”

      • Tyree

        FUCK U2 INDEED! So much hate for that band.

      • Mook Styfawker

        I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using effects to add something to your playing, but when you’re playing is nothing but effects, you are effectively a shitty guitarist. The Edge is definitely one those.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Valid point.

    • Xan

      U2 is terrible. Emmure is terrible. I can listen to very little Aerosmith but I never got into their music.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        The “classic” Aerosmith albums only have one good song on each of them. Also, this song. The lyrics are nonsense and I expected better from The Boss than this song and especially this cover.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlBifX0H3yg

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        last good smith song . 1982 , album – rock in a hard place – perry was out of the band , jimmy crespo was in . I assume they were all still wasted because this is a great song.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-TSvxZ40RQ

  • Scrimm

    Hahaha I was going to say scars myself. So awful. Everytime it comes on I want to be like Harvey Keitel in bad lieutenant and shoot the radio.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Mentions of Albini, Ween and Primus in the same article…dick is hard.

    • Howard Dean

      Steve Albini is hilarious, and O’CONNOR RIDES A HOVEROUND!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Excellent, I love this AVC column.

    Matt Pike on Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like a Lady:” The whole fucking theme to the song is retarded, and it sounds like someone scratching a chalkboard or putting a fork to a plate every time I’ve fucking ever heard it in my life. I can’t get through 30 seconds of it without fucking wanting to barf. [Laughs.] That’s pretty much where I’m at with that..

    • Mook Styfawker

      While I personally think Dream On is an alright track (minus the high pitched screeching near the end), I do agree that Dude Looks Like a Lady, and just about every other Aerosmith song, is total garbage.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Agreed. There was a time when I was younger that I kinda liked them, but I think that was more due to the fact that I hadn’t really heard anything else and that was about the only band I knew.

      • JWG

        I think the one thing I can’t get over is not actually a music thing at all. At least not directly. It’s the fact that when I first heard of Aerosmith I was in my early teens, it was the early-90s, and they’d already been around far longer than all of my at-the-time favourite bands. Being just a kid, I was utterly certain the thing that I hated most about them was they were old people making music for old people.

        I’ve long since discarded that general attitude (otherwise I wouldn’t be as big a fan of BOC and Sabbath). But it sticks for Aerosmith because they still follow the formula of AOR drivel they got into three decades ago. If they were ‘old’ then they’re ancient now.

        The fact that Steven Tyler appears to have morphed into an old jewish lady is just coincidence. Or maybe not…

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    Four words: Manfred Mann’s Earth Band. Goddamnit they are the worst so called prog band ever. You want proof? Here’s your proof.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A77zbzGxCn4

    • Mook Styfawker

      I stopped that shit the second the keyboards or whatever came in.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I have no idea how they had any success and their cover of Blinded By The Light was their only US hit. They are still a band somehow and they are worse currently than most other prog bands were at the peak of their shittiness. They have one good song and they beat that song to death by overplaying it. The song was their cover of Mighty Quinn by Bob Dylan. They are considered prog but in m

  • W.

    Dean Ween can bite my bag. “What’s Up” is a classic. Plus, without it, there wouldn’t be this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh7lp9umG2I

    • Mother Shabubu III
    • Leif Bearikson

      One time I worked an overnight and we pulled up this video and listened to this for 7 hours straight.

      • Guacamole Jim

        You are a great human being.

        • W.

          Cosigned.

          • in triplicate.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Quadruple signatures tough guy! HOOOOOOOO!

      • In college (design/illustration) I’d be up at like 5am doing an all-nighter to finish an illustration and my classmates and I would pass the video back and forth to each other and just laugh hysterically from sleep deprivation/hating our lives and loving this video. Good times.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        That is amazing. I remember watching one of those ten hour videos of something I don’t remember and it was insane how many times one thing could repeat in 10 hours.

      • Elite Extremophile

        Famous last words.

  • Jon Daly’s ripping of Green Day’s American Idiot is so god damn spot on.

    “What is their net worth? I want to hear the number. They should have to state their worth before they sing this song. They should do a Cribs with all of Green Day. Everybody should be able to see where they live.”

  • Stockhausen

    Hollaback Girl (I hate the fact that I just typed that) can burn in slow motion in the white hot blaze of this infernal Earth’s demise at the fiery wrath of my hands and it still wouldn’t get what it deserves.

    • I like that tune but I can see how it would be annoying as hell.

    • Silas Ohlgren

      You aint no hollaback gurl?

    • but it made spelling fun. how would anyone know how to spell bananas with out Hollaback Girl?!

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Even though I love the goofball, I cannot stand “Ih-Ah” by Devin Townsend. It’s like some sad children’s show song. Or a song that would be on one of those films they show you in high school about accepting others and the dangers of drugs.

    • you have the most interesting pick on here. i like the song; but i congratulate you for picking a song that isn’t requested every hour on karaoke night by every bachelorette ever.

      • W.

        I think overexposure is the primary cause of much of the ire in this thread.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          That’s the biggest problem. MTV and radio.

        • crazytaco_12

          That’s the thing that sort of freaks me out man, we have a station in Seattle that plays some good harder stuff like Alice in Chains, Tool, etc, but I’m starting to hear it so much I’m getting scared to think I might start hating it. It’s almost like they’re going to be the “classic rock” station in a decade or so.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I went for a deeper cut from one of my favorite musicians. It’s too easy to hate banal, annoying shit like this:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48rIc1KsgJs

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Fuck, this is bad. Black Stone Poopy. What the fuck is a boom boom? This shit just gave me a fuckton of aids……

          • Mother Shabubu III

            I’ve never wanted to cake my fist in shit and punch someone in the face with it more than while watching that bloated NASCAR-looking fuck of a “frontman” when he makes that stupid face whilst soloing.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fucking terrible. I hate people.

        • i refuse to press play. but is it better or worse than “crazy bitch” by … fuck what was the band

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Think that was Buck Cherry. Truly heinous cack.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I hate them. I hate Hinder and Saving Abel more though. Hinder makes me want to rip off people’s faces.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Much, much worse. The dumbest lyrics ever. At least Rammstein’s “Pussy” was done tongue-in-cheek.

            PS: To entice you to watch it; the drummer looks like a skinny cokehead version of Mikael Akerfeldt.

  • Leif Bearikson

    Livin’ on a Prayer. There are few things on this plain of existence I hate more than that stupid fucking song.

    • Howard Dean

      That’s one of those songs that gets played at every wedding reception. And every wedding party thinks it’s a great idea to shout out all of the lyrics while it’s being played. I swore that if someone tried to play it at my wedding, I’d be spending my wedding night in jail, cause motherfuckers would be dead.

      • W.

        I really want to do a documentary on white people’s weddings. There are so many interesting cultural phenomena that you can witness at one.

      • Leif Bearikson

        I worked in the video game department at Best Buy when Rock Band 2 came out and it was one of the demo songs. Apparently, it was the only demo song anyone ever wanted to fucking play. So after hearing a few hundred times a day for a year and half, it makes me snap into a homicidal rage whenever it comes on.

      • HessianHunter

        Every wedding I attend makes me hate White people a little more. Songs with dance instructions and lame ’80s rock hits. Buhhhhuh.

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          I NEED dance instructions!

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      Bon Jovi in general is just bad. I don’t know why people like them.

      • bon jovi’s career owes 40% of its popularity to bachelorette parties.

      • Mook Styfawker

        I like a few Bon Jovi songs, but I won’t defend them at all.

      • nbm02ss

        Drunk college chicks at bars.

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      If their is I am having a hard time thinking of one.

  • I’m torn between “one way or another” and “mambo number 5” for the title of most colossally shitty tune.

    • shame about One Way or Another, cause dat Blondie…

      • I like Blondie, mostly. I just hate that fucking song so much.

        • DeeSnarl

          Now that’s a song that got overdone. Rugrats killed it for me…

    • Dëpütÿ Dïpshït

      Mambo #5 is enough to make me murder baby harp seals.

  • Tyree

    Fuck Mondays.

  • “Sweet Caroline” [bop bop bop] by Neil Diamond.
    i want to strangle every obnoxious girl at the bar who sings along to the chorus of this song.

    • Elite Extremophile

      I know a girl named caroline who has promised to piss on his grave.

      • can she piss on me instead?

        – me trying to sound like @metaphysicalanus:disqus

    • As a Red Sox Fan I loath this song. Worst 7th inning stretch song in the MLB.

      • oh…my…gord. that would be enough to make me quit liking sports, had i liked them in the first place.

  • I’ll probably get shit for this, but I hate everything Tom Petty.

    • tom petty was fun as a kid, first getting into music. listening to his music now… shudders. with Ann, with…

    • JWG

      I actually like that one Tom Petty song a lot more than the RHCP song that they insist wasn’t a rip-off because the lyrics are different.

      …I really want to get the details of that Settlement.

      Side story: I had this sitter in ’87 that I had a huge crush on, whose favourite band at the time was RHCP… who I, naturally, had never heard of (being seven my musical exposure was 100% radio they weren’t all over yet). When they suddenly got big a few years later I felt oddly obligated to become a fan – at least for a while.

      RCHP post 1992 doesn’t do anything for me, though. Even Californication was iffy. Especially since I can’t stand the title tune.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I enjoy their stuff. I hate their Stadium Arcadium album though,

  • W.

    I’ve grown to really hate Stairway to Heaven.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      I hate a good chunk of Zeppelin, because of a few things:
      1. How many songs they ripped off.
      2. Their fans and radio stations.
      3. Robert Plant’s fucking god damn vocals.

      • W.

        It’s the exposure that kills it for me. “Hey bro, there will never be another rock band like Zep. Have you heard this song? It’s called Stairway to Heaven, and it’s got the best solo ever written.”

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          That quote is them and their fans in a nutshell. The last time I was really into Zeppelin, I was 13-14, if that means anything. To me they’re a gateway and nothing more.

          • W.

            Nailed it.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I don’t like Zeppelin as much as most people yet I own all their albums except Presence and Houses of the Holy.

      • when King and I agree on something…
        today was a good day.

      • Mook Styfawker

        I almost offended my older brother once when I said I hate the sound of Robert Plant’s voice. Good times.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          If he would have just shut up sometimes, it might have been tolerable.

      • Scrimm

        I hate Plant’s voice too. As one of the members of Maiden said “He kind of sounded like a girlie”

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      That song rips off a much better song in Taurus by Spirit. I learned about them, the 13th Floor Elevators and Quicksilver Messenger Service from my uncle.

  • guest

    Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long.” I really hate when shitty musicians resort to sampling good songs to make a hit, just ruins said original song for me. and this one ripped off TWO.

    • W.

      I actually hate Sweet Home Alabama just as much as the Kid Rock rip-off.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Fuck that song. I lived in that wretched state for 5 years.

      • guest

        I’ll admit, that one had kinda already been lost to me through over-exposure in KFC other ads already

      • all of these picks… it’s like the jukebox at your local dive bar. or the mix CD of a bro at a tailgate party, playing from his F-250…

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Don’t you mean F-350!?!?!?! YOU FUCKING PUSSY. WHERE’s MY GOD DAMNED BUDWEISER??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

          • Tyree

            Diesel motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Dëpütÿ Dïpshït

            ROLL THAT COAL!!!!!!!!

      • HessianHunter

        The line about Neil Young and how “a Southern man don’t need him around anyhow” is excruciating. It’s a reference to the brutal, gorgeous Neil Young song “Southern Man”, which is about how racist and awful the South was/is. Basically Lynyrd Skynyrd is saying “Nah, Neil, we’re all cool down here, everything’s awesome, we’ll say no to your awesome, relevant music and replace it with our own entitled brand of John Mayall-aping, faux-honkey bullshite claptrap. YEEHAW”

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I love Neil Young. I have since I was little. I’ve seen him four times and I love Southern Man. He has a point with that song because Skynyrd is a product of Southern racism. Even other southern rock bands like Molly Hatchet and Outlaws are less racist than Skynyrd. That made me think, has there ever been a black person in a southern rock band? Better yet, has there ever been any non white people in a southern rock band?

    • Mook Styfawker

      I just love how lame the whole idea of a song basically about how good another song you never wrote is.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I hate that he ripped off the main part of Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon. I can’t forgive that.

  • nbm02ss

    I cannot stand Daft Punk.

    • Guacamole Jim

      BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • we’re up all night to get lucky

      • nbm02ss

        It’s usually pretty easy for a person to not pay attention to media that bothers them, but there was no escaping that fucking song.

        • i stay away from radio. hence, liking that song that most of you have heard 1,000x more than you want to!

        • Further Down the Metal Hole

          I heard it the first time driving my dad’s car (he likes to listen to the radio). That song came on and after a few minutes I felt like caught in a loop. It seemed the song would never end and continue to sound repititive until the end of days.

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      Daft Punk is playing at my house.

      • nbm02ss

        Congrats, I guess?

  • FeelTheDarkness

    I fucking despise the Eagles

    • Tyree
      • W.

        The older I get, the more relevant this movie becomes.

        • Mook Styfawker

          Amen to that.

        • Scrimm

          This is the greatest non-Phantasm movie ever made.

    • Mother Shabubu III

      The Eagles have some advice for you:

      http://youtu.be/1H-Y7MAASkg?t=44s

    • i heard a pretty rocket interview of joe walsh on the adam carolla podcast. adam kept saying things like, “why couldn’t you interject more rock into that silly country band?” joe had to just laugh it off.

      if you think about it, they were a big cluster-F of conflicting ideas. glenn fry was a pussy soft-rock/country guy, don henley was the slick pop vocalist, and then joe walsh actually had a few good rockin’ licks.

      • JWG

        And Don Felder…?

        Never got into anything, album-wise, by The Eagles.

        But ‘Hotel California’ is a decent song, as long as you avoid overexposure (which is admittedly near impossible if you work anywhere the radio’s always on).

        • dunno about that felder guy, i was kind of just going on heard stories about them. i listened to a shit-ton of eagles as a kid, they were my parents’ favorite band.
          hotel california was my jam as a kid.
          Alabama 3 does a decent cover of it…

      • crazytaco_12

        Dude, I fucking love Joe Walsh’s guitar playing though I don’t really like much he’s done outside of the James Gang. But holy fuck man, “Rides Again” is one of the best US rock albums of all time

    • DeeSnarl

      The Eagles: music for people who don’t much like music
      /see also: Jimmy Buffet

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Fuck Jimmy Buffet and his Margaritaville restaurants. Fuck them into a place beyond oblivion.

      • crazytaco_12

        Jimmy Buffet and the Guy Fieri’s

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      “Warm smell of colitis, rising up through the air…”

      • FeelTheDarkness

        yuck

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      Get out of my cab.

  • Leif Bearikson

    Oh, and because nobody has said it yet, fuck Say Anything and Max Bemis. That guy is a twat.

    • W.

      I haaaaate that song. Also “Somebody that I Used to Know.” Grow up, you big wiener. You got dumped. Get over it.

  • Mook Styfawker

    Rock Lobster by the B-52s. Didn’t even have to think about it. There is no song I personally detest more.

    • That song makes me exceptionally angry. Also Love Shack. “Roam” is kind of a jam tho.

      • Mook Styfawker

        Fun fact, I cannot name a single B-52s album or any other songs because Rock Lobster was so bad to me, I made sure to NEVER check out a single other thing about them. Never even Wiki’d them.

        • W.

          I love Rock Lobster.

          • Scrimm

            I love eating it.

          • W.

            When I was on my honeymoon, we got treated to a dinner on the beach the last night of our stay. One of the courses had a lobster bisque. I couldn’t finish it. Something about drinking straight pureed sea creature was weird.

          • Scrimm

            I love seafood but I’m not a fan of that stuff either. Makes no sense to me.

          • W.

            Love seafood too. I had a fantastic lobster chimichanga there.

          • Scrimm

            Wow that sounds awesome I need on of those. I served with a couple guys from Maine ho had family with lobster boats they would drive up there every year and come back with coolers full of lobster. We’d be red by the time we ate them all.

          • Howard Dean

            Dude, lobster bisque is the tits! I could eat/drink that stuff until my arteries hardened and my feet swelled from gout.

          • Mook Styfawker

            I think that’s the first time I’ve ever down voted you, Dubya. Apologies.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            …..

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I tried listening to it. I turned it off very quickly and I want to start a campaign of destroying their vinyl because of how bad that song is. If you want to help the cause when you see their albums for sale buy them all and then destroy them. No one should have to listen to that bullshit.

  • KJM

    Pretty much any MTV synth-pop from the 80s makes me want to puncture my eardrums to stop the pain.

    • let’s chalk this up to a generational gap. i love that shit (but didn’t grow up saturated by it of course)

      • KJM

        I was a teenager in the 80s. I couldn’t escape it.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I love all 80’s synthpop except for Culture Club. I hate Culture Club.

  • DeeSnarl

    One word: Play That Funky Music, White Boy

    • Howard Dean

      Bro, that was six words.

      • DeeSnarl

        I was told there would be no math…

        • Howard Dean

          Bro, do you even algebra?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Bro, do you even bro????????????????

          • DeeSnarl

            Bro, bro bro bro bro, bro??

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Bro.

          • Tyree

            Hahahaha!

      • this song’s just six words long! (weird al)

        • JWG

          Couldn’t think of any lyrics
          No I never wrote the lyrics
          So I’ll just sing any old lyrics
          That come to mind

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      Fuck Wild Cherry. I wish they didn’t exist and I hope people learn of their mistakes from letting them be famous.

  • KJM

    Bruce Springsteen. I respect his work ethic and he throws lots of money at the right causes, but it’s music for middle aged Dude Bros and yuppies.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I respect your opinion but I love him. I’ve seen him seven times and his show is always amazing.

  • Gobshite

    I miss Ween 🙁

  • NDNOvHell

    I fucking hate that song Cold by that band Crossfade. Some of my drinking buddies always play that fucking song, plus some asshole always has to play it on the jukebox in every bar I go to.

    PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF!!!

  • Cock of Steele

    Glad to see I’m not the only one that can’t stand 4 non blondes.

  • Scrimm

    Any Van Hagar song.

    • even Aftershock (off Balance)?

      • Scrimm

        I was being nice by not saying any VH song. But yes. I’d rather bait a crocodile with my manhood than listen to Hagar.

    • Howard Dean

      RIGHT NOW! HEY! IT’S YOUR TOMORROW!

      • Scrimm

        UGH.

        • Howard Dean

          Whenever I see “ugh,” I immediately think of Tom G. Warrior’s favorite nonsensical vocalization, and this song in particular. Fainted Eyes! Ugh!

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV2BFP_2ZZk

          • Scrimm

            Now I’m gonna think the same.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        I love that song though. It made the Crystal Pepsi commercial that much better.

    • crazytaco_12

      THIS!!!! Hagar is such a fucking piece of shit and it’s hilarious to me how badass he thinks he is. They might as well have had Guy Fieri fucking front their band at that point. Dude makes his living just shit talking a band he used to be in.

      • Scrimm

        Exactly. I can’t stand that guys stupid face.

  • Candlebox was the Creed of the early 90’s. Just awful.
    http://youtu.be/eu3EuWg2qNI

    • Scrimm

      So terrible.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I hate them but Days of The New were much worse. They performed near me and their reunion collapsed because their lead singer is a drug addict who destroyed any hope of another reunion happening and basically caused the band to disband.

  • Randall Thor

    I can say with absolute certainty that there is nothing more I hate in my heart than this song. Literally every second of it makes me want to spontaneously combust, jump out a window, or wrap my car around a tree. The production, the synths, the singing, the music, just, everything. Nothing is good about this song. It is literally worse than Hitler.

    http://youtu.be/mhg33LNL2ts

    • tis a brave man to talk shit on Wham!
      upvote given because you gave me another chance to hear the song…

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      You are a brave man. I love Wham! I love them more than Culture Club and about at the level of Duran Duran and Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

  • SMOHLG

    Justin Bieber in collaboration with Maroon 5 could remix Nickelbacks entire discography and I still wouldn’t hate that as much as I fucking hate Trapt’s ‘Headstrong.’

  • Simon Phoenix

    Don’t Stop Believing.

    Fuck this song in its right ear. I’d rather listen to ‘I’m an Oscar Meyer Wiener” for two days straight.

  • Max

    “Oh cool,” I thought upon visiting the AV Club article; “Vanessa Bayer’s gonna rip into Silverchair.”

    I’ve always found Vanessa to be a real cutie and obviously Silverchair are an abomination.

    But she doesn’t hate the song anywhere near as much as she should. And I have to deduct many points for basically saying that Silverchair is a bad version of Pearl Jam – which of course, is exactly what they are. But Vanessa elaborates on that by suggesting that Pearl Jam are good by comparison, and I can’t countenance that. She just doesn’t have the passionate, encompassing hatred of alt.’90s that I do. Still cute, though.

  • Evan Clutson

    The guy from Ween complaining about obnoxious fucking hollering. That’s rich.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    Heart is unlistenable. I cannot enjoy their music and I cannot enjoy anything they do.

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters can be thrown into the midst of a supernova for all I care. I hate it simply for the fact that it’s the only song anyone ever knows of Metallica. It’s like someone’ll notice I like Metallica and go “oh yeah, Nothing Else Matters is a cool song” and it unfortunately always ends up with me nailing their head to a table with a particularly blunt nail.