In Defense of U.D.O.

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Hey, it’s MonStar.  You don’t know me well, but I did inspire the ‘Best Unsigned Band’ state competition, so hopefully I’ve helped the Toilet readers share and discover some good shit.  What I’m about to say strays pretty far from what we’ve heard in that competition across this great land. I ask the good readers of this site to hear me out for a metal minute.

While I don’t read every Toilet post start to finish, I feel like I have a solid grasp on what the writers and commenters on this site are into, which is by and large death (and related sub genres), black (and related sub genres), crust, grind, sludge, doom, atmospheric, and… power metal. Of course there are exceptions, but to this observer those styles incorporate 90% of the music posted. I love many extreme metal bands (some of which I discovered through the toilet) but my bread and butter is in the vein of more classic heavy metal.

To that end, I was dismayed a few weeks ago to find that U.D.O.’s new album Decadent had been given the ol’ lolbuttz award for Toilet Tuesday. Some commentators made it clear that they agreed, and I wept a single tear. Symbolically, that is. I didn’t really weep; I’m not a pussy for chrissakes. Anyway, I was too late to get in on the commenting and have anyone see it (which is why I generally don’t comment more), so I made a vow to present my case that U.D.O. is not lolbuttz, and if you like straight up heavy metal you should give the chubby little weirdo and his boys a shot.

The short version of my argument is this: Do you like Accept? Because listening to U.D.O. is like finding a dozen lost Accept albums you never knew existed. If you don’t like Accept… fine, you won’t like U.D.O., but I’m guessing that there’s more Midnight Movers out there than not. Accept, formed by glass swallowing warbler Udo Dirkschneider, was a principal force in the German metal movement of the 80’s and a forefather of speed metal and thrash.  And who doesn’t like ridiculous titles like “Fast as a Shark” and “Screaming for a Love-Bite”?

When Udo left to form U.D.O., their first album Animal House kept those fires going. Allmusic shows the songwriting responsibilities on that album shared by Udo and members of Accept, which leads one to believe maybe the songs were payment for letting Accept keep the name without him. Anyway, I’m just speculating. Regardless, U.D.O. has never strayed far from that formula.

In other words, all of U.D.O.’s albums sound the same, and I completely agree with this critique. However, like many other bands who fall into that category (Motorhead comes to mind), with some given fluctuation in quality, they’ve never made a bad one (or conversely, for you cynics, I suppose they’re all bad). If you like one, you’ll like them all. And more and more of them keep popping up on Spotify. The dude has been busy, with 15 albums between 1987 and 2015, not including live albums and compilations. I’m sure it would have been more without the 90’s Accept reunion which saw three albums before dissolving.

Look, you’re not going to hear mind-bending, progressive, deep shit, but you might hear your next workout or road trip soundtrack. Sometimes you’ll even find a little surprise like the Russian folk stomp of “Trainride in Russia”, the piano in “Cut Me Out” or the Middle Eastern inspired chant around “Wrong Side of Midnight”.  You might be surprised; you might not. But for an accessible, fun, upbeat listen, you could do much worse. Give U.D.O. a shot, cheesy music videos and all. Don’t cost nuthin’. Mock me if you will, but the lil’ thunderball has my support.

“Timebomb”

“Animal House”

“24/7”

“Wrong Side of Midnight”

“Thunderball”

“Cut Me Out”

Sentimental Favorite: “Trainride in Russia”


(Photo via)

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  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    No power electronics reference in the introduction?

    http://liveactionnews.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/woman-crying.jpg

  • “…my bread and butter is in the vein of more classic heavy metal.”

    Mine too. We could use a little more diversity around here from time-to-time. Thanks for your contribution 🙂

    • EAT NAILS, OLD MAN

      • In all cerealness I don’t feel Nails and it really has nothing to do with my age. My record collection probably has more death metal than most of the Bandcamp collections of people who say “you’re just old” in response to my legitimate criticisms of much of extreme metal.

        • Legitimate Criticisms, JAG style:
          -Too loud
          -Too growl
          -Too fast
          -Too on my lawn
          -Back in my day we had to walk to the record store barefoot in the snow
          -UPHILL
          -BOTH WAYS
          -AND WE LIKED IT

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Don’t forger that you had to walk uphill both ways just to buy a concert ticket and then you had to camp out at the venue to get a good spot.

          • That second part probably actually happened a lot when the legends were in their prime.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I go to a festival in Finland, which is not close to me. Me and my buddy sleep in the forest, always. (In a tent, yes). So it still happens

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

            Don’t you worry about Trolls wandering over from Norway?

            http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ot8fGTVB1qdezf9o1_500.gif

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            They’d have to cross… *ugh* Sweden, so I think I’m safe. NO one wants go to Sweden.

          • Based Tapir

            They can go around Sweden.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            But that would mean… *whispers* crossing Sami land… brrr,*cold shivers* You don’t know what those shamans can do.

          • Based Tapir

            Shamans are cool people tho.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

            May the Earthmother smile upon you.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Let’s just say that I may have hunted the wrong Reindeers upon a time.

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            You are no man.

          • Scrimm

            Me too.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Well, you’re just weird. Also, in danger of getting the Swedeinfection. *Cause you are a human and stuff. So I wouldn’t recommend.

          • Tyree

            Noomi Rapace >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • Tyree

            That’s love right there.

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • Based Tapir

            I’d like to see what happens in that tent.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            You would

          • Based Tapir

            I feel triggered.

          • Guacamole Jim
          • -Too loud as in incompetent production with audible digital clipping.

            -Too many singers sound exactly the same as the others (which is ironic and laughably-hypocritical coming from tryhards who call everything else generic and repetitive.)

            …that’s pretty much it. Nothing to do with my age because there was plenty of “Too loud, too fast, etc.” when I was young. And I still listen to extreme music. Cattle Decap is a great example of an extreme band I enjoy when the mood suits me. Part of the reason why is Cattle Decap stands out in this oversaturated market of Me Toos. And yes. when I hear Travis Ryan I can usually tell that’s Travis Ryan on vox.

          • DDubya.

            Have you heard the new Napalm Death album?

          • Once. I should get on it again because I liked it the first time.

          • DDubya.

            Cool. I assumed you’d like it, but I wasn’t sure.

          • what’s your take on the sound quality? i’ve just listened to it on CD and IMHO it’s pretty “brick-walled” but that could be a number of things: 1) i’m not an audiophile 2) grindcore is well-suited for that sound 3) CD is too limiting and it would be better on vinyl 4) something else?

          • I’d have to listen to it again. I’m guessing it’s no better or worse than most other stuff. FWIW I don’t think hardly any music is well-suited to brickwalling. We all have volume knobs and dynamics are always good. To be fair “moderate” dynamic range compression is useful in most heavier types of music because you don’t want the sound to be too thin. A little separation between instruments and clarity goes a long way for anything but Burzum-type stuff.

          • I actually wonder if there’s much you can do to sound more unique when you’re growling.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Being Gorguts.

          • Being Gorgoats.

          • Maybe not. I just don’t get why people don’t get bored with a lot of stuff that’s going on. People got bored with hair metal because they were all doing the same thing…but you could actually tell the bands apart (unless you never heard the one you were currently listening to before.) Same with late-eighties second-wave thrash: they were all just following whatever Metallica (and to a lesser extent Megadeth) were doing. As soon as …And Justice for All came out bands like Testament and Overkill were doing that same production-type on their next records. Love those bands but it was getting pathetic.

            Nobody gets bored with all the bands who begin on the premise that the stupid pine trees near their home inspires them to rasp, drone, and mix in the occasional local folk instrument.

          • I get bored by shit pretty easily. But you have to remember that the audiences for these things are sooo much smaller than hair/thrash in the 80s. Like, maybe a few thousand listeners.

          • Ironically enough, maybe that’s the appeal though. People trying to be as underground as possible that I wonder if they really enjoy the music as much as they just let it go in the background. (If it’s just background music then that would explain the bullshit comments about people who actually notice how terribly mastered something was.)

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            I have to admit that I take a certain pride in listening to obscure stuff, but I try to not let it rule my opnion on the music itself.

          • People that listen obscure stuff just because it’s obscure is the same as people that listen mainstream stuff just to being popular with the rest. It’s the same, but in the opposite site.

            It’s better to judge the music as music, and not as a social instrument or a snob competition.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            This is true.

          • <3 Link. You always have words of kindness and wisdom.

          • Thank you, Flaccid Tapir

            *Hugs*

          • I think that there are a ton of folks out there that obsessively listen to underground metal and don’t question the quality of it because underground metal is, y’know, “their thing”. I do, however, think that there is often value in, uh, “nontraditional” mixing and mastering. Off the top of my head, Dubs posted about Ill Omen last week and it really does it for me even though the recording is rougher than all hell.
            http://www.toiletovhell.com/nuclear-war-now-promo-reviews-gnosis-and-ill-omen/

          • Well if it’s an artistic choice (like with some BM and stuff) I have to respect it. I just get tired of incompetent engineers using that as an excuse for their shitty masters when a deaf-assed band is counting on them to do it right.

            Misha Mansoor tried to sell me that line in the MS comments once about the second Animals as Leaders album. I’ll bet if he’d presented a non-bricked mix with decent dynamics to the band along with the industry-standard smashed one they’d have opted for the former. Most decent musicians who respect their art would.

          • You putted that Misha Mansoor disqus fight in your resumée? 😉

          • DDubya.

            I pissed Misha off once as well. I’m okay with it.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            He once implied that I shave their singer’s balls.

          • I never really fought with him. I don’t even think I answered him.

          • I get what you mean with it getting old. Recently, if a band doesn’t have a vocalist who is unique or some other unique feature about them, I’ve been passing them by. I’ve got so much at this music, I’ve decided to try and only listen to stuff which is really good and quit buying stuff that is just alright. I’ve acquired so much crap death/doom and melodic black metal in search of a band that sounds similar to Woods of Ypres or Novembers Doom and haven’t had huge amounts of success so this pursuit is going to stop. I think I’ve got enough death metal to last a life time. I probably won’t be getting anymore unless I already know the band or they hook me in with something.

          • You’ll never find another band like Woods of Ypres no matter how High and low you search.

          • That’s been my ultimate conclusion. I’ve found a few bands that have elements of their sound or lyrical themes but no band that has a similar enough sound to bring the feels that WoY bring.

          • Scrimm

            Sure there is. Listen to the true greats at it there’s always something that set’s them apart.Sound, delivery, whatever but there’s a ton of ways you can do it and make it your own.

          • What I wonder though, is how much of that is modulation and how much of that is just how they sound ‘singing’ like that.

          • Scrimm

            There is surely some but if it’s heavy it is pretty easy to hear. The good ones shouldn’t need much, the character in there voice is usually what sells it. I myself just use a little touch of reverb.

          • Lacertilian

            Phrasing also can give an additional facet to a vocalist who otherwise would be generic.

          • Scrimm

            Very much so.

          • “Back in my day we had to walk to the record store barefoot in the snow”

            That’s brutal

        • Howard Dean

          I’m not huge on Nails either, JAG. A little fun, maybe. But they’re certainly nothing special. They’ve benefited greatly from the half-hipster/half-hardcore Pitchfork hype machine crowd.

          Addendum: This will be a very unpopular opinion, but: Bandcamp collection =/= to physical media collection, in my opinion. It’s like comparing a home garden to a hayfield.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I’ve always said it, but I’ll say it again. You’re my kind of a human.

          • Howard Dean

            You are my kind of human, too. I’m a Finn in spirit. The concept of sisu is very near and dear to my heart, even though I’m an American.

          • I can’t disagree with anything you said. Who cares if it’s a poplar opinion. If people want to wallow in their butthurt over honesty then I’m loath to stop them.

          • Howard Dean

            I was agreeing with everything you said, too. I’m an unabashed physical media/”real” tangible collection guy, as well.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Nails rules. I saw someone with a Nails shirt at the concert yesterday and I complemented her on it

        • Yeah, right. No girls are wearing Nails shirts. Nice try.

          • DDubya.

            The only women I ever see at metal shows are high school goths trying to be edgy and older biker types.

          • Tyree

            There are a lot of female metalheads at MDF.

          • The most ladies I ever saw at a show was for Dying Fetus and Exhumed.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            At Death/Black metal shows I usually see some regular looking women, not sure how they got here but they’re always enjoying the show so that’s cool. There are also a lot of girlfriends that look a bit lost, and some other types.

            I was very surprised at the amount of women at the Yob and Pallbearer show I was at a few months ago.

          • i love seeing attractive girls at metal shows, who obviously don’t enjoy it, but somehow were coerced into going by their boyfriends. the dude will be standing behind her, arms around her waist, swaying like they’re listening to “Home Sweet Home”. moshers bump into them and the dude goes ballistic.

          • I like it when they go try and form a protective barrier against the moshers.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            “I’m going to bring my girlfriend who doesn’t like metal to the Dead Congregation show, she’s going to love that!”

            Protip: She won’t

          • I brought my girlfriend to one metal show, she was pretty cool about it but proceeded to complain about her ears ringing for the rest of the damn week. Never again.

          • DDubya.

            My wife enjoyed Devin Townsend but not the rest of that show.

          • Did she wear earplugs?

          • Nope.

          • Ah, yeah, that will do it.

          • I enjoy the look of quiet hatred women have when they’re stuck at the record store while their dudes comb through metal records.

          • It’s like the woman equivalent of a man’s face when they’re stuck with their girl shopping for shoes.

          • Spot on.

          • DDubya.

            I’ve noticed that when my wife shops, she’ll hover and circle around a few racks, jumping from rack to rack until she finds the perfect item. It’s useless to follow her, so I just try to find a chair.

          • Tyree

            Get a Auntie Anne’s pretzel and a
            Orange Julius BRO!

          • Fuck and YES.

          • Tyree

            Don’t forget to stop in at Lids!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Let’s go to Sbarro!

            – every mall kid

          • Scrimm

            Dude I found a tooth in my food there.

          • Tyree

            Ewwwwwww. That’s fucked up.

          • Scrimm

            Pretty fucking gross yea. Don’t know why I didn’t sue or some shit haha.

          • DDubya.
          • CyberneticOrganism

            GAH!

          • DDubya.

            I seriously love Orange Julius.

          • Mall pretzels >>>>>
            I have a very large weakness for them.
            Also, FUCK SHOPPING MALLS WITH THE LARGEST, CRUSTIEST DICK OV HELL.

          • David Vincent’s Spandex Tapir

            Repressed memory time: Back when I was 15 I was in the record store being trve and morbid as fuck deciding whether I wanted to blow the rest of my cash on Goblin Cock or Vektor, these two chicks come in and start going all “Oh tee hee hee, the metal section omg look at all these bands omg they’ve got A7X (M Shadows) dude I love this new album omg let’s buy it, like omg the show they played last week was insane! etc” Keep in mind I dislike A7x(M Shadows) and I thought they were posers. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the good ‘ol days.

          • Lacertilian

            I get the stare of discontent when I ask which one I should buy.
            She doesn’t fucking care, but sometimes she’ll submit and say “just buy both” so we can leave the store quicker.
            Score.

          • Howard Dean

            There were several girlfriends at the show when I saw Dead Congregation a few months ago.

            None of them looked impressed, happy, or particularly optimistic about the future of their relationship.

          • HessianHunter

            In my experience, “normies” (including women) get a kick out of seeing gnarly shows, even as just a novelty. It helps if you have a sense of humor about it and introduce them to your homies at the show.

          • if i was a girl and somebody described black metal to me, i’d be all over seeing it live. somehow though, i don’t know if actual girls share this curiosity!

          • Tyree

            There’s always that guy at the metal show that feels the need to bring his girlfriend to the very front of the stage. She always just looks miserable because she can’t see the stage and she is being brushed up against by sweaty dudes.

          • Scrimm

            Do you bump into them on purpose?

          • yup. and when girls crowd-surf, i reach up for a little grab, BRO!!!

          • Scrimm

            Solid plan BRO!

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            I love seeing attractive girls at metal shows, and then seeing they’re there with their BF who looks more trve than I do. Maybe it’s never meant to be 🙁

          • if i ever get a girlfriend, i’m ready for the following:
            “ugh FINE i’ll go see Taylor Swift with you… but then you have to come to Cattle Decapitation with me!” (muhahaha)

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            You, you devious-bastard, you

          • Lacertilian

            Now why would anyone go ballistic at being drenched in McNulty’s beer?

          • HessianHunter

            You shouldn’t be, metal is becoming less of a boys’ club by the day, especially in the more “hip” subgenres (aka shit I like).

          • When I went to see Pig Destroyer a year ago in Brooklyn there were quite a few ladies there. Man, if I wasn’t married…….

          • DDubya.

            It doesn’t matter to me at all cuz married, but yah, usually pretty slim pickins at shows here. I think the most ladies I ever saw here was at the Deafheaven/BTBAM show.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Ladies? At a metal show? Man, I need to leave Finland

          • Based Tapir

            That’s illegal!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Ladies, or leaving Finland? I tend to forget what all is forbidden at these Räsäsinä aikoina

          • Based Tapir

            Leaving Finland. You mustn’t buy the foreign propaganda!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I should have known she would find a way…

          • Based Tapir

            Actually Räsänen has nothing to do with it. Seppo Lehto and Halla-Aho are the masterminds behind it.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            WAHT? I thought Lehto was assasinated?

          • Based Tapir

            Lehto is alive and well, waiting to take the throne.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            NOOOOOOOOO!? I must run when I still can.

          • Based Tapir

            You can’t escape Master Lehto the Limp-Dicked.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            *breaks into tears*

          • Guacamole Jim

            The most ladies I ever saw at a metal show was at some crummy local gig with the boringest death metal band headlining. I WTF’d all night long.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Why is that? I mean, extreme metal could appeal to all sorts of people right? Why is the vast majority men?

          • DDubya.

            The answer to that is probably pretty complicated and rooted in the gender politics of the 70s and 80s.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Things being complicated isn’t metal
            *Flips table*

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

            Stop going to Babymetal shows then.

          • DDubya.

            I was looking for Vince, I swear!

          • Scrimm

            And the few you find that are young adult age and genuinely like the stuff are completely insane.

          • DDubya.

            This is truth. Some young lady randomly bit my arm at a show once.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            #WouldTotallyBeIntoBitingArms

          • Tell the truth: she was the inspiration for The Penguin of Doom!

          • DDubya.

            <3 and waffles

          • It’s like a spiderman origin, but with girls and more ‘tee-hee’ jajajaja

          • HessianHunter

            Really? Up here in MN metal crowds are probably an average 20% women, none of whom are high schoolers and or “bikers”. It’s probably more like 30-40% at underground/DIY shows, and especially at any kind of punk or art rock show.

          • DDubya.

            Yup. It probably has a lot to do with the kinds of bands that get booked here, though.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Punk shows have a lot of chicks though and not just GF’s

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No really, she was wearing a Nails shirt and she wasn’t bad looking.

          • Lacertilian

            Obviously a mirage.
            Had you consumed anything suspicious?

    • Also Moontower was sikk.

    • Mon*Star

      Thanks! As I mentioned to Joe, “I can’t believe I’m blasting out a message of tolerance for Udo Dirkschneider.”

    • Mr.Custodial Arts

      A piece on U.D.O.? In the TOILET?? And JAG didn’t have to write it??? NICE!!! Wonder how it’ll go over…

      http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31600000/jurassic-jurassic-park-31627064-500-268.gif

      • CyberneticOrganism

        TOILET OV REX

      • “Wasn’t recorded in my lifetime and not white-noise br00tuhl enough. LOLBUTTZ!” …that’s how it will go 😉

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    I liek Hevy Methyl tuu

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      U.D.O’s latest are actually all pretty fine.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I was at a metal bar in Bergen, Norway and they were playing UDO.

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          Metal bars in Finland don’t tend to play worthwile (read: non-radio) music when no one is performing. It’s actually a bit odd. Considering people aren’t there to see Mustasch

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I’ll have to be the judge of that myself. I’ve submitted a request to the TOH Corporate Office to fly to Finland for a month and tour their metal bars.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            COMESEEMEBRO BRUH!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            BRO LET’S HANG IN TEH FINLANDZ

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            B-DUBS AND BEER ON ME! well, we don’t have b-dubs, BUTTHE BEER IS SO ON ME!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            What town do live in? TOH Management is asking

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Vantaa. Helsinki, the capital is nearby. I can do that.

    • Lacertilian

      Heavy CH³?

  • Tyree
  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    I love UDO and this article was very well written. I’ll have to write that article defending Chevelle I’ve been thinking about doing. I might also write an article defending Siren Charns.

    • DDubya.

      You should probably run article ideas by Joe. We all do. Even Masterpants and I.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        I do every time, but I also run them by you two.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I haven’t written the articles yet. I will run the Siren Charms idea by Joe because I feel it got a bad rap and maybe I’ll be able to change some opinions on it.

        • DDubya.

          Right, my point is that we don’t want people to put in a ton of effort into something that might not see the light of day. Like I said, even Masterpants and I talk about ideas, and I think we’ve both gotten stuff canned.

          • “10 birds that should be murdered” is never, ever going to run. Sorry Dubs.

          • How are we feeling about “10 easy steps to make your hair shine like the noonday sun”?

          • InfinityOfThoughts

            1. The blood of your recently slain adversary.

          • DDubya.
          • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX
          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Is the parrot from Aladdin safe from your rage? If not how about Road Warrior Hawk (NSFW )

          • Lacertilian

            I thought an older guy at work tried to trick me once, telling me that Condorman was a superhero movie from the 80’s.
            Upon his description I decided even the 80’s weren’t that fucked up.
            I was wrong.

          • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

            “10 buttz that never lol”

          • Seagulls, definitely! Buncha goddamn sea rats, and they’re all over the place here.

          • Stabbathley

            Pigeons are the first to go.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I see your point. I have a lot of article ideas but because my computer went kaput it might be a while until this one gets written. Do you think it is a good idea?

          • My advice is to take your time really exploring what you want to write, choosing a concept and then running it by me. If your concept is strong, you’ll need to take your time working out a well-written piece.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Is the Siren Charms defense a bad idea or do you think it could work considering I have listened to the album numerous times and have enough defensive arguments to make it work?

          • I think it’s an OK idea but it would ultimately depend on your execution of the piece. The writing has to be solid.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No worries, I have a lot of time to flesh it out and make sure it’s perfect. It might be a while until you see it though because I have to fix my computer before I can type it up.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            You could start writing some things down on paper. That’s how I would start. You pay more attention to you’re writing when you’re doing it that way I think.

        • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

          I’d love to read that.

        • Siren Charms is pretty uneven. That’s the nicest thing I can say.

          It was such a leftovers-afterthought that even Sony released mass quantities of the CD with fucking mastering errors on it. One song was WAY louder than the rest and there were some serious technical problems

          I liked Sounds of a Playground Fading (partly because I never gave enough of a shit about IF in the past to care that their style changed.) The songwriting was cohesive and all the songs were memorable and well-written.

          • DDubya.

            I actually liked Reroute to Remain, although a lot of people dump on that one. It was the first IF album I heard, though.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            That was my first one too. I bought it with Colony and Clayman and it’s a good album even if it’s wildly inconsistent.

          • My order: Whoracle>Colony>The Jester Dance>Come Clarity>Clayman>Some songs of A Sense of Purpose>A couple of songs of Playground>Lunar Strain>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Reroute to Remain, sorry, but I think that record it’s a total mess x_x)

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Boo! Whoracle sucks. *Other mean slurs*

          • At least is better than Siren Charms lol

          • Based Tapir

            All of their albums suck
            *jumps out of the window*

          • gonna agree with you here! and what is this… we also have support from the mighty @joshuathackston:disqus??

          • Väinämöinen

            You agree with me? That’s it, the apocalypse is now!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Actually, no, it isn’t. Whoracle is maybe their worst.

          • duuuude.. polemic comment is polemic lol

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I hate that album with burning fervor

          • 🙁 why, mr. Bear?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            The few good songs it has are unbalanced by some of their worst compositions. Whereas, say, Colony had no great songs but no real stinkers either, making it way better. And that production is BAD.

          • I can backup the bad production comment. The Jester Dance was the best in production terms, to my ears.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Jester is, unsurprisingly, my favorite.

          • For me it’s a tie between that and Soundtrack To Your Escape (though Sybreed pretty much made better versions of that one).

          • Stabbathley

            It’s pretty weak, except Gyroscope. Jester Race and Clayman for the tie.

          • DDubya.

            No offense here, homey. I think their earlier albums are better. I just have a nostalgic affinity for Reroute. In my opinion, Siren Charms is total butt, though. Easily the worst in their discography.

          • Yeah, I can feel that, bro. My first record of their was Clayman and Siren Charms isn’t a real bad album, it’s just a bad band doing a meh album.

          • Scrimm

            Absolutely. They’ve become one of those bands where I don’t even really enjoy what I used to love. But I thought RTR was great at the time, unfairly hated.

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      You might also suffer a fatal heart attack before you have time for either.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Are you sure?

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          No, of course I am not. I’m just pointing out that the possibility exists. I thought we were saying stuff that might happen.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      I want to see that Chevelle article, Janitor Jim.

    • as much as i like Chevelle, i’d even be scared to defend them in here!

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I know most of you don’t like them but for what they are they write some good shit. Their songs are technical and their albums are consistent and good even if they sound the same. They have a lot of energy in their songs and they are awesome live. I am defending them because they’re one of my favorite bands ever since I listened to Vitamin R 4 years ago.

  • Spear

    Re-listened, re-lolbuttz’d. If the dude’s voice was any more nasal, he would just be a giant singing nose.

  • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

    Wait…. This doesn’t SKRONK at all. What has happened to this place?

    Onto the music: it doesn’t sound too bad. It’s slightly predictable and everything sounds a bit stupid, but it’s infectiously stupid. The vocals though, they sound like cheese graters to my horns.

  • If you don’t like Accept, you don’t like metal

  • Guacamole Jim

    AND THE TOILET WRITES ABOUT POP MUSIC. NEVER FORGET POP MUSIC.

    Also, great write-up, but this music is still not my jam.

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A8hEDBupTQI/UdqrLwlsWOI/AAAAAAAARVw/SxKE3KAEzhQ/s1600/hgh2.gif

  • JWG
  • Hey MonStar, props for sticking around and standing up for what you like.

    • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

      Do you even Gurp, bro?

      • You can’t Gurp to this, BBeard, so don’t start with that.

        • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

          That’s un-gurping-believable

  • DDubya.

    I enjoyed this piece. Accept rules, although I haven’t been able to get into UDO.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    clintons did 911—-

    stop them!!
    —-
    both at once—1st vid full vol—2nd vid muted

    http://youtu.be/B_3TlrZLpQ0

    http://youtu.be/GdTtvXxLyY0

  • Kudos for your article and for sharing more diverse music. This is the only place where MORE is BETTER.

    *Cracks the Whip*

    • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

      More SKRONK!

      SKRONKSKRONKSKRONKSKRONK
      (100% volume at 10:30 pm for best effect)
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1X0Bejwnko

      • This is the sounds when Legion comes to battle:

        *Cracks the Whip*

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQeZaBVRXpg

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          This I like. (I’m listening this album now!!! At Hormone’s Echo!)

          • DDubya.

            Have you ignored this album THE WHOLE TIME?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            No, silly you. I just happened to listen it whil eLink typed that. A happy coincidence, I started to listen to it around Listmania.

          • DDubya.

            <3

        • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

          Hmmm, Dat SKRONK
          Have you ever listened to Obscura in full? Tis a damn fine album.

          • I’ve never finished Obscura. I can’t pass that album :/

            I want to dig Colored Sands. Probably will listen this afternoon. Do you recommend it to me? I trust in your goat word!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Colored Sands is GOOD

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Colored sands was the first Gorguts album I listened to and I dig it a lot. But Obscura is my favorite.

          • DDubya.

            Colored Sands is amazing. A true hallmark in dissonant death metal. I disagree with the bear and say the same for Obscura too.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Bear: 0. Goat: 1

            Obscura is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Scrimm

            They’ll never top their debut for me but every album is stellar.

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        God this album is as bad as that cover art.

        • Based Tapir

          ….

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Where?

          • Based Tapir

            Look into a mirror.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            AGH!

        • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

          wat? Are you trying to rustle my jimmies or are you serious?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Serious, I hate Obscura. I like Colored Sands, and Gorguts’ OSDM albums are okay. The rest is Terribadcrap

          • Someone just HAVE to do a Porcelain Throne to end this Gorbuttz battle once for all!

            *Cracks the Whip*

            *The final Stage is served*

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Could you explain? I think Obscura is an alright album, pretty decent. Maybe pretty good even. I could call it my favorite metal album of all time, even.

          • Based Tapir

            I can see this starting a war between goats and bears.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I don’t know how to really say it, other than “All the riffs are annoying, there is not a single good song. I don’t like the way they play and I like dissonance, it’s the construction of riffs that makes it feel like they wanted to make Free jazz album, but without any of the good stuff. It’s like they had decided to do a complex and dissonant album, and no one in the band liked the music they wrote but they had to do it because they had to do it.” Does this help at All?

          • Scrimm

            Nope

          • Väinämöinen

            You still suck bby

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I declare war against the people of Väinölä.

          • Väinämöinen

            I’ll fucking make you to sink into a swamp with my singing!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I’ll have you know I used to go out with Louhi/Loviatar. She’ll turn into a giant falcon and dig my majestic body up.

          • Väinämöinen

            I’m so scared. Are you gonna make her call Iku-Turso again?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            No. I’ll maul you instead. she’s just my back up Hawk.

          • Väinämöinen

            I’ll hit you on the head with my kantele and choke you with the strings.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I don’t die, so that choking will do you no good. Hopefully that Kantele is so good a wood that it won’t break.
            *Niiiiinnnn hyvää puuta*

          • Väinämöinen

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Play that on your Pike Kantele

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Also, fucking lol at Yrjänä

          • Väinämöinen

            He’s right tho.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu
          • Väinämöinen

            ..

          • All 5 of them?

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Yes, this does help. The funny thing is, I love this album, love it with all my heart, but I don’t really know why. All I now is that I find it a very reinvigorating and captivating album, and it sounds very real or something along those lines. It’s tough to get into but very rewarding and sort of peaceful in the end.

          • Scrimm

            Don’t listen. Album is awesome.

  • Akercocke ov Steele

    Speaking of Udo, I bought Staying a Life the other day. That is now one of my favorite live albums.

  • David Vincent’s Spandex Tapir

    The first time I heard Accept was Balls to the Wall, at first I was like “Whoa bro wtf this shit is awesome holy balls dig that riff!” And I started laughing when Udo came in. I was 14 though. Can’t be more lolbuttz than wanting to ask if they convinced their manager to get tanning beds on the tour bus though http://i.ytimg.com/vi/frXu3R6onTk/hqdefault.jpg

    • Udo is an acquired taste. Shit, I remember when GNR’s Appetite came out when I first heard W. Asshole Rose I was like O_o

      I love Balls to the Wall and Russian Roulette tho. Udo probably took his cues from both AC/DC singers. He sounds a bit like Bon Scott when he’s singing cleaner/more relaxed but sounds like a (better) Brian Johnson once he gets to shrieking.

      • David Vincent’s Spandex Tapir

        Well I’m a Rebel was actually a cover of an AC/DC recording that was never released. So maybe.

    • Lol, Udo looks like a munchkin version of Rocky from Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the guy second from the right looks like he’s about to explode holding in that fart.

  • Tyree

    It’s really fucking weird here at the office today after the lay offs on Friday. Some dark vibes going on here.

    • DDubya.

      Maybe someone is invoking a revenge curse on your office. Quick, better perform a cleansing ritual. Get some sage.

      • Tyree

        Lolz. I have a new boss, but he has not talked to me all day. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do here. I’ve just been bullshitting basically today.

        • DDubya.

          I’d recommend you make a protective salt circle around your cubicle.

          • Elite Extremöphile

            let’s not forget our anti-possession sigils!

          • it’s been six months since your last post. WHY?!?!?!?!

          • Elite Extremöphile

            i’m back!!!

          • Tyree

            There is a bag of salt by the front door. Grabbing it now.

        • That’s rough dude. Been there. It’s how I found the time to get the site up!

    • Scrimm

      Been there dude. Not good times.

  • JWG

    Unrelated note, the Norton 360 installation here has apparently just decided that redirect links from Disqus (e.g. summaries of comments to the comment on its originating Blog) are a “malicious website”. All of them.

    [and yet, obviously, the Disqus section *in* the originating page is okay…]

    • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

      Disqus is malicious, doe

      • JWG

        Do ISIS use Disqus on their blogs?

        More importantly, do I dare to find out?

        • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

          *preemptively puts JWG on watchlist

    • DDubya.

      Norton suckssssss. Sorry, dude. Is it University software?

      • JWG

        I have it as part of an agreement that allows me to use my own computer to do University work at home (so long as I log into their VPN to do so).

        So yeah, it sort of is…

        • DDubya.

          Ah, I feel that. I usually work on campus, so I haven’t had to use a VPN in a while.

          • JWG

            My whole family are also kind of locked into the idea that Norton is the only software worth getting.

            Mind you, I’m pretty sure the only other one they’ve even heard of is McAfee.

      • Lacertilian

        Which anti-virus software does Dubya recommend?
        My wife always buys the extra 12-months with Norton because we don’t know any better.
        I stopped following tech-update stuff a decade ago.
        Conclusion: I’m a fucking n00b and seek advice from the l33t.

        • DDubya.

          If you’re using a Windows system, Microsoft Security Essentials is free and works quite well. I would just pair it with something like Spybot Search and Destroy. http://www.safer-networking.org/private/

  • Stabbathley

    Accept’s last 3 are flawless.

  • Ferris Mueller

    Accept’s Blood of Nations was great. On that note I’ll check out UDO

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Oh yeah, UDO’s guitarist is a Finn

  • i’m listening to all of the songs provided, and loling my buttz off.
    definitely not my style, but i appreciate how consistent it is! and definitely great to see a variety of stuff around here too!

    • Lacertilian

      Same, I don’t search out this type of metal to listen to but I am glad it still exists and still floats people’s collective boats.

  • OldMetalHead

    Nice article MonStar. I was a big Accept fan back in the day, so I understand your logic. However, I think Accept’s new lead singer is much better than what Udo can currently pull off. I’ll probably keep listening to Udo on my old Accept albums and keep buying Accept’s new albums.