How to be a REAL METALHEAD \m/: A Step-by-Step Guide

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After more than 10 years experience in the world of being a REAL METALHEAD, I come to you with advice about how to stand out like a spike-ladden diamond amidst a sea of polo-wearing POSERS, because if you’re reading this, you clearly need all the help you can get. Follow these five simple steps and you’ll be feeling better about your deep-seated insecurities in no time!

1.- Start out with NU-METAL, then promptly denounce it.

If you were born after 1985, the only real gateway into metal is NU-METAL. You know that HOWIE MANDEL song that made your grandpa cry? DISTURBED are the perfect blend of accessible and aggressive… perfect enough for you to get into them, discover the bands that influenced them, and quickly turn around and delete any evidence of your fandom because you’ve realized they’re soft kiddie music. Bonus credit if  when describing why their music is bad you use homophobic slurs that you probably don’t understand because deep down you’re confused and conflicted about a lot of things in life right now. Then do the same with KORN, MARILYN MANSON, LINKIN PARK, GODSMACK and SLIPKNOT. When in public, you will tear these bands to pieces, then go home and belt out along to every single word on THE SICKNESS.

During this transition phase it’s OK (and even encouraged) to listen to some poser bands like GREEN DAY, NIRVANA, GUNS ‘N ROSES and AVENGED SEVENFOLD to help you ease into your newfound, terribly unbalanced personality.

DISTURBED REAL METAL

2.- Delve into different genres, but not too much.

Once you’ve established that you’re no longer allowed to like NU-METAL, it’s time to move on. Forefathers first: BLACK SABBATH, JUDAS PRIEST and IRON MAIDEN. Never full albums, just the most famous songs over and over again. If you’re sick of FEAR OF THE DARK by the 1000th listen, you bear the mark of the POSER and must stop reading immediately. Otherwise, continue on listening to METALLICA, PANTERA, and the most famous bands from each of the famous subgenres. Be careful with BLACK-METAL and DEATH-METAL though! It’s OK to listen to some stuff, but it can get pretty scary. You can listen to some CANNIBAL CORPSE and CRADLE OF FILTH, just make sure your mom isn’t around when you do! lol!! Be sure to enjoy various types of metal, just keep it at a five band maximum per genre, otherwise life will get unpredictable and overbearing haha.

GRIND-CORE and METAL-CORE are off the table because they are for well-adjusted homeless people.

Genres Meme

3.- Pick one subgenre and NEVER listen to it; endlessly berate it.

You are now faced with an important choice: to choose the subgenre you will perpetually crap on! This will usually be either POWER-METAL or BLACK-METAL (or both), and you will always clarify that your love of metal comes with a caveat: “I LOVE all metal! Except POWER-METAL because it’s stupid and for nerds haha!”. The best part is: you don’t have to really hate it. In fact, it’s even better if you haven’t listened to more than 30 seconds of said genre in your entire life!! Your taste is so supreme and refined that you don’t need to actually listen to something to know it is positively horrible. High-five!!!!¡!

Black Metal Sandwich

4.- Wear only black band shirts, all the time.

Pick a band you like and buy their merch! Since you don’t have a credit card, buy an obvious, discolored and badly printed knockoff at your local METAL store (or even better, make one yourself). Highly important note: the only possible color is black. You will wear your same 5 band shirts year round: at social gatherings, funerals, in the melting summer heat, to job interviews and everywhere in between. OTHER COLORS DO NOT EXIST, because if they did, you would be forever FALSE. You can optionally enhance your new look with leather wristbands, stunted spikes and assorted AFFLICTION and TAPOUT pieces.

Varg Wearing Black

5.- Make your passion known in the most condescending way possible.

The key to being a REAL METALHEAD is: always let people know that you are one!!! It’s not enough that you can be heard approaching by the rattle of your knee-banging wallet chain, or that the design on your sun-magnet of a shirt speaks volumes to the people around you. You need to loudly proclaim your love of REAL MUSIC by putting down everything that doesn’t fit your narrow categories without giving it as much as a semblance of a chance! POP is for sissies! ELECTRONICA is for junkies! BABYMETAL is for both!!!

Be the heart and soul of every party by standing awkwardly in a corner and complaining about the choice of music to anyone who approaches you! Only then will you become a REAL METALHEAD.

Metalhead Disneyland


Following these steps is crucial, but don’t forget the most important principle: be yourself, and do that by behaving like everyone in this subculture does and is expected to.

This post is brought to you by Bittersweet & Stangry Sarcasm.

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  • Loafy D

    pug metal is only metal

  • Guacamole Jim

    Yusssss got that making fun of Black and Power metal down to a science.

  • Was hoping this would be a Sargeant D article. :p

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      I miss the Sargent.

      • Óðinn

        Work on your aim, JJD.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      WRONG METAL BLOG

    • Howard Dean

      This was like a Sergeant D article without the bravado and humor.

      • “Why would u even bother listening 2 death metal when u could be smashing underage bishes and smoking crystal to Hollywood Undead? I am 43 years old.” There ya go.

        • Crocodylus★Pontifex

          More like the Hollysuck Un…good?

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Bravo.

          • Rain Poncho W.

            How is suck the opposite of wood?

          • Óðinn

            Are you making reference to a blowjob?

          • Rain Poncho W.

            Not intentionally. You feeling lonely or something?

          • Óðinn

            Haha! No.

            I hope you are having a great day, my friend.

          • Rain Poncho W.

            And you as well!

          • Óðinn

            Thanks, W.

        • Howard Dean

          That’s more like it!

          To be fair to Sergeant D, he was actually pretty good at trolling and writing ridiculous metal-themed articles. It’s not a look everyone can wear.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I loved his work. He needs to come back.

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          He’s that old? Also this is spot on. He loves a lot of the same pop punk as my sister.

          • James

            hes about 37 or 8

        • Jesus that’s accurate.

          would smash/10.

      • Óðinn

        …and AIDS.

    • James

      its sarg lite.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Good one, Moshito. I laughed.

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    This is a good article.

  • GL

    But black shirts are so hot in the sun. No one likes having MORE swampass if they can avoid it.

    GL

    /seesmyselfout

    • GL

      For the record, I listened to Rusted Nail by In Flames like 10 times last night. That song is fucking great.

      /butthurtcreamneeded

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        I love Siren Charms. I hate Battles though.

        • GL

          No.

        • Óðinn

          What about Lucky Charms?

          • Óðinn
          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Spelled “US Marine” wrong.

          • Óðinn

            Spelt. And thanks for reminding us that Labonte was in the Marines for a less than a year, new stranger who never comments here but oddly showed up to defend a widely-disliked, homophobic, right-wing, Metalcore douchebag who was barely a Marine.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/327d1c030b4e5b8eb561611bd35cee9f70908ad0e54212176cd1b55ddc1b8b12.jpg?w=600&h=375

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Honorable discharge. You seem unnecessarily and irrationally upset.

          • Mosh Hoff

            Hi Phil!

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            You got me! But srs: if you reeeally thought about it you’d know who I am.

          • Mosh Hoff

            I tried, but your Disqus is private. Nice space safe you got there!

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Must upset you that you have to put in a little work to dox and stalk everyone that says things you don’t like online.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Hi JAGoff

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Hi, Otto!

          • Óðinn

            I see. So it’s JAG pretending to be Phil for some unknown reason. I though there was something odd going on. Oh well. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

            #JAGDrama

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Nobody’s pretending to be Phil. I’m sorry I commented that he was a Marine. I’d take it back if I knew you three would be a bunch of cunts and start revealing identities.

            …I can do that to if you want to keep playing. There’s a reason why he stopped, I assume.

          • Mosh Hoff

            Hey man, I wouldn’t want to stalk you in front of your family, that would be rude!

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            ¡Gracias, Señor!

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Didn’t you block me because you didn’t like my opinion? Safe space…lol. How’s the drama club where you guys talk shit about everyone here behind their backs going, Dan-O?

          • Mosh Hoff

            >accuses others of doxxing
            >uses my real name
            >still needs a safe space

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Hey, look below. I think it’s far more obvious when some PoS says “Hi, JAGoff” then me calling you “Dan-O.”

            Stop crying because I won’t actually dox you like your Finnish pal below did.

          • Mosh Hoff

            Also it’s really funny how drama-free everything usually is around here until you pop in with your hostile opinions and shit-starting demeanor. What a coincidence huh?

          • Trve Metal Tryhard

            Yeah, because I’m always popping in here with my “hostile opinions” like how Labonte was a Marine. I guess that’s a hostile opinion to those who don’t understand military camaraderie. Not like I said his music was good or *GASP* I personally agreed with much of his political opinions…because that’s important. And it makes me feel important too…those hostile opinions.

            But hey: thanks for bringing up my family earlier. I guess you must’ve been gossiping with a few people in your sewing circle and agree that it’s somehow appropriate to argue on a person’s FB all afternoon after being asked repeatedly to do so elsewhere. And then saying that a father is just using his children and others he actually has to live with as some excuse not to engage in an all-day argument about “hostile opinions.” Some real class acts, Señor V.

            You blocked me for what I assume is a reason. Now this.

          • Óðinn
          • Trve Metal Tryhard
      • James

        Best song they posted, other than Leper.shit was whack in a good way.

      • Óðinn
    • Sid Vicious Promos

      I believe that being open minded when it comes to rock and metal is crucial to both those genres surviving.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        No

        • GL

          Beer.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Yes

          • GL

            Yes.

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          Yes

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Beer.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Coca Cola.

          • GL

            NO

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Pepsi

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            No.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Or that, I don’t care.

          • Stockhausen

            Can confirm.

        • KyleJMcBride

          NEVER.

      • Maik Beninton™

        WRONG!

        • GL

          Yes,

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          I’m actually serious about this. We are killing what we love by being so closed minded about it.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Pfft.
            Who needs innovation when the only thing rockers listen is Led Zeppelin, Guns, Nirvana and all that dad rock that they post on fb.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Innovation and open minds are necessary to make things work.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Beer

          • Stockhausen

            Beer is actually the only thing.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Fact

          • Óðinn
          • Maik Beninton™

            Also I thought we were done with the whole ‘rock is dead’ thing.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            It’s not dead. In fact it’s never going to die. It’s just stagnant.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            False

          • GL

            DRAIN THE STAGNANT WATER. MAKE ROCK GREAT AGAIN.

          • Kyle Reese

            Internet killed the radio star.

          • Depechemodeisgangsta

            I’m just a casual metal fan, and is kind of true, i used to know some guys that if you didn’t listen to Mortician or Morbid Angel, you “Were Not Metal” and that is annoying, specially when i was wearing my Depeche Mode Shirt.

          • James

            Let them joke. Sit back and watch the scene fade.

          • Lacertilian

            I think you just unwittingly confessed to murder.

      • I believe both genres should just die.

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          Why write a metal blog if that’s the case?

          • GL

            Poon.

          • Óðinn
          • toilet ov hell is an inside job

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            How can no one tell I wasn’t being serious when I said being open minded will save rock and metal? It’s survived bad times before. I don’t think it will go away.

          • Rain Poncho W.

            Could it possibly have something to do with Ghost?

          • GL

            *TRIGGERED*
            *TRIGGERED*
            *TRIGGERED*

            NO

          • Óðinn
          • Sid Vicious Promos

            Actually no. I want the genre I love to succeed. There is not just one savior for an entire genre. I’ve realized that.

          • Maik Beninton™

            We know we’re just picking on you.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I should have guessed.

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            Jet fuel can’t melt dank memes.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Playing the long con, eh?

          • Óðinn

            I’m gonna guess that Joe, W., Lacertilian, and 365 are the perpetrators?

      • Crocodylus★Pontifex
    • Count_Breznak

      On the other hand, black fabric is generally more opaque, allowing you to keep that noble pasty complexion even in summer.

    • Depechemodeisgangsta

      About 10 years ago, i used to wear just Black shirts from the bands, just like it was stated LOL, but the worst part, was that Miami sun, since is about 8 months of around 85-90 Degrees.

  • The fact that there’s a Jose Mangin cozie saddens me.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      The fact that there’s a Jose Mangin saddens me.

      • Óðinn

        Featured comment.

      • Pierre Generic

        You’re juss jealous of Jose’s award winning wuacamole, esse!

    • What kind of fuckstick prints his own cozies? LEARN AN INSTRUMENT AND START A BAND IF YOU WANT TO SELL MERCH YOU TWAT.

      • Eliza

        I bet he would name his band after himself.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          MVNGIN

        • Hey dudes and dudettes this is my ROCKIN’ new band No Way Jose.

          Wait.

        • Crocodylus★Pontifex

          I bet it would be something really lame, and like 9th grade tryhard. Some lame shit like Avatar of Atrocity.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I was briefly in a band called Contagious Chaos during middle school.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I’ve never been in a band. I have jammed with my friends band Silverfish though.

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            Mine was Skutz. It was a thingy in a Megaman game I was obsessed with at the time. I think this was 6th or 7th grade. It was me, a dude, and a dude who went on to play guitars in an actual known band (The World Is A Long Band Name). Our first two demos were just me yelling and guitars on a tape recorder.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Haha, awesome!

            We had maybe 1 and a half songs and then just kinda stopped.

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            I’m just glad it’s on tape so it will never be heard again.

          • James

            First band name was Solanum. Early high school.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Or Hellyeah

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            Masochist, but spelled nu. So like Mazokyst

          • Dumpster Lung

            Nu-spelling is the WORST.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        *throws away Boss the Ross stickers and coozies. hides face in shame*

        • “Yes.”

          -GL

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            “Maybe”

            -whatever the fuck my Disqus name is this week

        • Eliza

          If they’re still usable, you shouldn’t throw them away.

      • You have answered your own question here.

  • Crocodylus★Pontifex

    Power metal is like the country music of metal.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      No.

      • Crocodylus★Pontifex

        “I listen to everything except rap and country”

        “I listen to all genres of metal except for power metal”

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Rap>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            Not to mention both are heavily stereotyped in both visual appearance, and lyrical subjects. Country has beer, chaw, and americana. Power metal has dragons, sword-slayings, and dungeons.

          • GL

            Your logic is so solid that I am going to go ahead and ignore it.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Outlaw Country>>>>>>>>

            Power Metal>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            When someone says “I love country”, I immediately hear and see that god awful “Chicken Fried” song and am immediately turned off. When someone brings up power metal, all I hear is “MOUNTAIN MEN!!! HERE THE CALL NOW!” and same.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I hate that song.

          • GL

            Yes.

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            That fact that it’s a manufactured ohrwurm, so you immediately know the words and melody makes it torturous. It must be used at Guantanamo.

          • Hans Gruber
          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Pop country is a plague

          • Crocodylus★Pontifex

            I always liked bluegrass more than normal country. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50XEjgLyV8U

          • Óðinn

            Not familiar with it. Probably for the best.

          • Óðinn

            What’s the difference between Outlaw Country and just Country? Honest question. I don’t know.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Better lyrics and storytelling with a grittier sound over all. Basically the most “metal” of the country genre.

          • Óðinn

            Thanks, Boss.

          • James

            pills and choking to death on your own vomit.

      • Jack Rabbit

        Manowar is the Florida Georgia Line of metal
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbxuXq_981s

        • GL

          *AGGRESSIVE FARTING*

    • GL

      Yes!

    • Sir Ukkometso The Based

      Well, I’ve heard some good country.

  • Grindcore or GTFO – signed a well adjusted homeowner person.

    • Waynecro

      Seconded by a well-adjusted homeowner person who has purchased multiple homes and refinanced at least once.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Great article. Alas, a lot of these points apply to me

    Not #5, though. I listen to a lot of pop music

    • #popmuaicmasterrace

      • Waynecro

        Thanks to you, McNults, I kinda like that one Lady GaGa song, so I can’t claim that I hate all pop. *looks away and mumbles something about liking pop from Japan as well*

        • Hopefully were in one of those oft-discussed “safe places”. You never know when there’s a Tapir or Kookaburra waiting to pounce!

          • Waynecro

            I am armed to handle bear attacks, so I’m not too worried about Tapirs. *cocks shotgun while Manami Numakura’s “Climber’s High” plays in the background*

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          Lady Gaga has several excellent songs. Also, Kate Bush, Tori Amos, Til Tuesday, Lisa Germano, Fiona Apple, Ladytron, Shakespear Sister, Beach House, Julee Cruise and Bjork are some of the best musical artists EVER

          • Waynecro

            I also like Regina Spektor, but I’m not entirely sure her music is technically pop.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Baroque pop, according to some sources

          • Waynecro

            That’s a pretty nifty description. Thanks!

  • Hans Gruber

    Oh no, I have a BLUE Psudoku shirt (but at least I can use it to point out its – and therefore my – apparent non-metal-ness while simultaneously establishing my superior taste and knowledge)!

    • GL

      Blue is a good color.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Green

        • Hans Gruber

          Beer

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Yes!

        • GL

          Skrill.

      • Howard Dean

        -JJD

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        How did you know?

  • Eliza

    I just try to be a nice person.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Best!

      • GL

        Cosigned!

      • Eliza

        😀

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      I do too.

      • Eliza

        That’s very good.

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          It’s hard to do sometimes but I do my best to be nice to all people.

          • Eliza

            At the end of the day, it’s a rewarding thing.

    • Stockhausen

      “NICE IS A FALSE AND MAY NOT ENTRY”
      -Randall Thor, probably

      • GL

        “GREY AND BLEAK, MUST BE FLEEK”
        -Some band nerd, probably

      • Eliza

        I can force my way nicely if I have to.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Eliza is allowed in all halls.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      NICE???!!!!!

      Didn’t you know a metalhead should;
      a) be in a biker gang
      b) have at least an uncle who’s involved with a biker gang
      He should tote his gun, sell crank, smoke pot, drink himself almost to death on a daily basis and beat up people with a pair of bloodstained brass knuckles.

      …or at least that’s the way some asshole teacher used to stereotype fans of heavy music back in secondary school.

      • Black Smallbeard

        back in the good ol days

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          It’s always funny when you watch some 80’s action movie with Steven Seagal or something like that and literally every metalhead the “hero” comes across is portrayed the way I just described.

          • Black Smallbeard

            people sometimes still think this about me. that or i get asked if im military

          • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

            ALSO OVERKILL VIDEOS FROM LAST WEEK!!!
            https://youtu.be/GSbgxG-jLMU

      • Óðinn
      • Eliza

        This kind of stereotype is so annoying. It’s the reason people look at me funny when I tell them I mostly listen to metal. That’s why I don’t like to idea of dressing and acting as a metalhead is supposed to.

      • Dumpster Lung

        I do actually have a super shady uncle hahaha

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          No uncle, but I have two (relatively distant, but still) family members that are rather crooked.

    • Eliza, you’re already a nice person. Next step: being a noice one!

  • “GRIND-CORE and METAL-CORE are off the table because they are for well-adjusted homeless people.”

    /lost it

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      I shall sell my house and live on the streets in the name of Grindcore!

      • I don’t even know exactly what that sentence up there means but it is the funniest thing I will read all day.

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • Óðinn

    Jose Mangin has his own customized beer cozies?

    http://i.makeagif.com/media/10-30-2015/PZoI0k.gif

    • I just watched this for a full minute for no reason. I am a drain on the American Taxpayer.

  • Treebeard, Father of Fangorn

    Real metal comes from the heart. You must be rooted in it from the beginnings, as I have been in my forest of Fangorn.

  • Óðinn
  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Shower in molten steel!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Become a horse to ride into war!

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        FEEL THEIR WARRIOR AND THE WIND

        Behold your blood
        Burn my loud steel
        Burn your metal
        Fight their strong steel and the horse
        Burn the fierce warrior without warrior
        Fight battle

        Feel their warrior and the wind
        Fight all the proud kings
        Feel their warrior and the wind
        Ride the enemies

        Brothers behold our power
        We attack metal
        Hail the loud metal and the kings
        Burn the steel against the heavy honor against the kings

        Feel their warrior and the wind
        Feel their warrior and the wind
        Feel their warrior and the wind
        Feel their warrior and the wind

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Feel my steel
          Feel my steel
          Woman of war
          Feel my steel

          Thrust attack
          Parrying back
          Women of war
          Fighting me back

          Shine my shield
          On bloody fields
          Glistening bright
          Lustrous to wield

          Unzip my pants
          Do the fuck dance
          Now we will fuck
          After my fuck dance

          The last verse kinda falls apart

          • KyleJMcBride

            no way, that last verse is the hook.

          • GL

            Yes.

    • Óðinn

      Slag!

      http://www.fehs.de/typo3temp/pics/843fbf86cc.jpg

      No, really. It’s molten slag. 😉

  • Óðinn

    They should replace all the Disney characters with Metalheads.

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
    • Óðinn

      “https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c8818473055e48517a48709e51e4f05b17eb9af4de6dccafff79917c6a9da37c.gif?w=600&h=400” – Richter (2017)

      • atchdav

        Progressive rock was my gateway to metal.

        • Max

          Metal was my gateway to progressive rock. Well, I peered through the gate and liked some of what I saw, but then I stayed in the metropolis rather than go out to the garden.

  • Waynecro

    I got into Metallica, Megadeth, Motorhead, Slayer, and Pantera before I ever dabbled in nu-metal. Everyone can be a unique metal turtle. This article was very funny. Thank you, Mosh Hoff.

    • more beer

      Nu metal wasn’t even a thought when I became a metal head. Hell there was barley even metal back then.

  • The Mighty Thorange

    I am so glad I skipped the whole nu-metal fad. I seemed to have been brought up on music chronologically. It all started with Elvis Presley for me, then the Beatles, Rolling Stones Led Zeppelin etc. A brief punk phase then I started listening to my dads vinyl record collection with all the prog rock you could want, early Genesis, Yes, King Crimson etc. The transition to metal just kind of happened as I looked for more music. Just ended up hearing Iron Maiden for the first time. Can’t remember when or where but I immediately went out and bought their latest album at the time ‘A Matter of Life and Death’ and I was forever changed.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    I crap on all deathcore. No fucks given

  • Patrick Bertlein

    Well, I totally failed this.