HOT TAKE: You are NOT a Poser

You are PROBABLY not a poser, anyway.

Oscar Palmer, editor of the Spanish edition of Lemmy Kilmister’s autobiography, blew the mythos of Lemmy wide open in an interview with Vice last year.

Lemmy’s very aware that part of Motörhead’s appeal is his character. He recognizes that rock requires a sort of posing, that it’s part of the game. His exact words are: “What the fuck are you doing in this business if you’re not a bit of a poser?”

The patron saint of hard touring, hard partying, heavy metal called himself a poser. What has happened to this world? Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria! Or, perhaps, Lemmy was smart enough, and self-aware enough to realize that the word “poser” has a meaning entirely separate from the derisive term you posers toss at each other on a daily basis.

At the risk of writing like every total hack in the history of writing, let’s consult the dictionary for the definition of the word.

pos·er

noun
a person who acts in an affected manner in order to impress others.
synonyms: poseur, posturer, fake, show-off

I’ve seen an awful lot of people “act in an affected manner to impress others” in my life, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen them called posers. The word is mostly employed as a playful barb to admonish others for ignorance or as a giant red flag to announce that your opinion is worthless. Let’s take a look at how the commenters on this blog use the word. I simply did a word search for “Poser” in comments left over the last month. Here are a handful of the many, many results I found.

poser1

Guacamole Jim is not familiar with Black Sabbath’s discography, and rather than pretending he is, he asks for advice on where to start. This makes him the opposite of a poser.

 

poser5

Ann Kvlter does not like beer because it hurts his tummy. This makes him weak, but it does not make him a poser.

 

Randall claims he will harm people that enjoy the music of Whitechapel. Randall is a poser.

 

poser3

Corpsesniffer wants to make it very clear that he knows more about metal than you. Corpsesniffer is a textbook poser.

Applying the literal definition of the word, “one who acts to impress others.” it becomes abundantly clear that Posers have been incorrectly shouting down non-posers as posers for decades. The law as ancient as time still rings true: “He who hath smelt it, surely hath dealt it.”

I suggest that we start calling out the posers that have quietly indoctrinated themselves in metal over decades. Glen Benton of Deicide has repeatedly branded an upside down cross on his forehead over the years, an excruciating effort to let you all know that he is super duper evil, for real you guys. Manowar, a band made of 5′ 7″ geriatrics that coat themselves in baby oil, have made their career on shouting down non-Manowar fans as “Wimps and Posers.” Varg Vikernes spent years pretending to be dark and evil before becoming what he is today: a far-right wing RPG nerd.

The verdict for all:
Sorry Poseur

Written by:

Published on: August 18, 2016

Filled Under: Metal, Opinion

Views: 1442

Tags: , , , , , , ,

  • I don’t give a shit about Manowar. I’m so glad this doesn’t make me a poser anymore. I was really worried what you guys thought of me.

    • Vault Dweller

      This is good (non-poser) content.

  • “I’m a poser” – Link’s no longer a poser.

    Is this the right way to use this medicine for poserism?

  • Nice try, but you’re all still posers

  • RustyShackleford

    “Varg Vikernes spent years pretending to be dark and evil before becoming what he is today: a far-right wing RPG nerd.”

    I fuckin LOL’d. Get the man a Pulitzer. Yep.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      He was actually into RPG back then……………….poser…………………..

    • brokensnow

      Dude murdered peoples and makes unlistenable music. Seems pretty legit to me.

  • Vault Dweller

    I have poser-ed before and shall surely pose again.

    Sometimes one cannot escape their innate nature!

    • You’re up there for biggest poser I know, for sure!

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    This take is room-temperature.

    • Are you kidding me? Declaring that you are NOT a poser is the hottest take yet. It flies in the face of conventional wisdom.

      • He also called me a poser

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          There’s your room temp take

  • tigeraid

    Since it doesn’t look like Boss is handy to throw down on all you posers, I’ll do this for him.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyjNkG3yKak

    You will all FEEL OUR STEEL.

  • brokensnow

    Is it cold in here?

  • VVizardface Kelly

    What if I like wolves? Am I posing still?

    Also, long time listener; first time caller. Here is my offering: https://youtu.be/yu1dYm9rI9g

  • Posing is for models and weight lifters who flex in steriod competitions. I used the word when I was a metalhead in high school to shout down people who liked glam bands. After that it became mostly useless because I grew a brain and stuff.

  • RJA

    Guac’s questions starts out “serious question..” – but I still found myself thinking “he’s not serious is he?”! Takes balls to ask that question.

  • Abradolf Lincler

    ive said it before in this very blog: proud hipster and poser.

    • brokensnow

      Strut it.

  • Eliza

    But if I’m not a poser, what am I?

  • ME GORAK!!!™

    IF ME NOT REALLY UNFROZEN CAVEMAN, AM I POSEUR?????

    • Eliza

      Technically yes, but I won’t hold it against you Gorak.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      we can always reverse caveman you

    • Guppusmaximus

      If you were rocking the Caveman when those Geico commercials came out, maybe. But, you’ve turned all of the sites you visit on their proverbial heads with your commitment to character and your quick wit,so, I’d say you’re a pioneer. Well, at least to me you are (especially with the trilogy of cavepeople who seem to always like your comments) m/ m/

      • ME GORAK!!!™

        GEICO COMMERCIAL THING STOOPID!!!!!! SMASH CAR INSURANCE CAVE MANS!!!!!!!!!

        • Guppusmaximus

          Celebrity Death-Match Style m/ m/

  • Meet the biggest poser to have ever lived. People who watched MTV’s Headbanger’s Ball back in the day will get a kick out of this.
    http://youtu.be/dkBidboHVt0

      • The word “fartsniffer” gets thrown around so often these days…

      • Howard Dean

        Googled “Eddie Trunk meme.” The offering was pretty sparse, but there was this:

        https://cdn.meme.am/instances/250×250/33289655.jpg

        • brokensnow

          hheeyyyy Sams cool….

          • Howard Dean

            I’m still looking for the earth-shattering “New Wave of American Heavy Metal” genre to come alive. It was right there next to thrash and death and grindcore, so it must be real! Hahahaha,

            For real, dude obviously is a fan. But I find a lot of his stuff pretty meh and/or misguided. I realize he was trying to balance legitimacy with what were likely demands from the studio/networks who put out his works, but still. Meh.

          • brokensnow

            His youtube Banger tv has some cool interviews and shenanigans.

          • brokensnow

            America is a void for good scenes any more.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Detroit would like to speak with you.

          • brokensnow

            The slum that is D town..? They are bringing the NWOAHM?
            COLD SHOWER.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            No, fuck that fake name. I’m talking about a real scene, what you were saying didn’t exist.

          • brokensnow

            Thats what was being talked about. Im not talking about some sub sub genre/scene that has maybe 1600 members….

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Well, that’s what a scene always was. Not an entire country.

          • Detroit is out of control. In the best possible way.

          • HOT TAKE

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            See Detroit comment.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Hot take: brokensnow is a poser.

          • Howard Dean

            Don’t know about that. There is plenty of great death metal, thrash metal, trad heavy metal/speed metal/power metal, and even some great black metal being released in America. Saying that metal from America sucks was a very cool and elitist thing to say in the late 90’s/early 00’s when the internet first turned people on to metal from other continents.

          • brokensnow

            Europe FTW

          • Howard Dean

            Europhilia is like the very definition of poserdom.

          • brokensnow

            indeed. Having good( or spesific) taste is frowned upon these days.

          • Howard Dean

            I would argue the opposite. Everyone nowadays strives so damn hard to make for themselves a specific and elite “taste pedigree” that they can hold out in front of themselves like a shield. Having an “everyman’s” taste in metal is a definite faux pas nowadays.

          • That’s a Hot Take.

          • brokensnow

            sssssoooooo unique taste is bad because its exhausting for others..? noted

          • Howard Dean

            That is literally not at all what I said.

          • You are a HOT TAKE machine today. I should have asked you to write these posts.

          • brokensnow

            Whats good for gander and all that…

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i think you might want to revisit that idiom

          • DeeSnarl

            You ripped me off for that header pic and you know it. This isn’t over…

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            The point
            ——————-
            your head.

            A ton of people are taking a conscious effort to have a ‘specific’ taste so that they could hold it out in front of other people to validate their existence as special snowflakes.

            Having a ‘specific’ taste is good, but it’s often semi-ingenuine.

          • Howard Dean

            Thank you for having basic reading comprehension skills, Beargod.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            What can I say, Finland IS renowned for it’s excellent schooling system.

          • Howard Dean

            A perennial favorite for best in the world. 🙂

            https://nesncom.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/jeternephew.gif

          • brokensnow

            mine is apparently ingenious and makes me a lesser person, based on whats being said on here.

          • Howard Dean

            No, not a lesser person. That wasn’t stated or implied anywhere.

          • brokensnow

            Read Randalls post.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Randall has never been over 0,2% serious, anywhere – and anything he says should be treated as an insider joke.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Then comment on Randall’s post.

          • brokensnow

            foooorrrrrrrr…?

          • Maik Beninton™

            We are talking about Beargod’s comment here, not Randall’s.
            If you got something to say about Randall’s comment then say it to him.

          • brokensnow

            According to other posters, it wont be taken seriously for one reason or another, so why waste my energy?

          • Maik Beninton™

            How about not taking things so seriously then?

          • brokensnow

            All I did was state an opinion. Regardless of its popularity or accuracy, it was an opinion. I was summarily shit on for a cornucopia of reasons, by a who’s who of posters. Press gang ethos is strong in this place.

          • Maik Beninton™

            You are pitting up regional scenes like it’s a competition, and completely disregard a scene simply because you don’t like its roosters.

          • brokensnow

            I love roosters. and basball teams.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Alright then, whatever.

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

            Lol, I thought you actually meant “roosters”! I thought about it for a second and went “hmmmmmm, kinda makes sense…… like roosters in a yard or something?”.

          • Dubbbz

            Man, are you making fun of Maik for accidentally typing rooster?

          • The Tetrachord of Archytas

            I think it was the good taste comment. Specific=Ecclectic maybe, but definitely ≠ good

          • brokensnow

            poorly worded. my bad, #Jususfuckingchrist

          • I wasted my energy typing up a response for your ignorant poser ass

          • brokensnow

            indeed.

          • Dubbbz

            I agree so much with this. I think having the wherewithal to identify quality bands of all stripes says a lot more about your discernment.

          • The Tetrachord of Archytas

            Where I live it’s trendy to skewer folk for not having explicit opinions and tastes about every damn thing. At some point it becomes fun to upset people by not having opinions

          • NDG

            This is pretty good.

          • Wrong, you fucking poser. US is an unstoppable force in metal.

            Heavy/power/speed/thrash are all top tier from the US. Not to say Europe doesn’t have some good ones too, but the US pioneered and has remained the king of power and thrash metal, as well as stolen the crown from heavy metal.

            Death metal started here, duh. If you are ignorant of the obscene amount of extremely high quality death metal coming out of this country, I’m not taking the time to educate your worthless ass on it because it’s everywhere.

            Black metal is the only genre I’d agree that Europe may beat us in, but to brush aside USBM is not something anyone with any degree of intelligence would do.

            TL;DR poser confirmed

          • FUCK!!!!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Nailed it.

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds
          • brokensnow

            Wheres the big Death metal scenes?

          • Abradolf Lincler

            in the south

          • brokensnow

            They can have it then.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            yep, we will

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

            Not here in VA for some reason. Plenty of numbnut bro metal bands and Jason Mraz/Dave Matthews clones, but the death/black/thrash scene here outside of maybe Richmond seems pretty dry.

          • Howard Dean

            NY/NJ, Texas, Florida (still)… pretty much everywhere. The US still pumps out huge amounts of quality death metal from all over the place.

          • brokensnow

            Baring teeth is good, not a fan of AW, hhmm, I’ll have to do more digging in NY. Saint Vitus bar has some great touring acts come through.

          • I hate to say it, but Portland Oregon has some really nasty death metal these days. Bands like Symptom, Uškumgallu, Dagger Lust, Triumvir Foul, and so on.

          • brokensnow

            I like literally 1 genre you mentioned. I have to slough through the trenches to find a handful of none touring locals? Im good.

          • Thanks Obama.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            +1

          • Howard Dean

            WOW. So many farts were huffed in the making of this review.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            That fucking dude is brutal no matter what he reviews…….#ittakescourage.

          • brokensnow

            love me some needle drop

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I quite like that guy. He seems level headed and affable. Hipster that got into metal because it’s cool? Sure, but he doesn’t seem like a dick about it.

      • Who is this foreheaded loser?

    • brokensnow

      such an awkward person.

    • RJA

      this is great – thank you for this – enjoyed it mightily.

    • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

      I remember him (god I’m fucking old). Lolbuttz!

  • Maik Beninton™

    “Randall is a poser”.
    That is a known fact.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    My 18 yr old cousin was out from New Mexico recently, said he liked metal like disturbed and a7x, digs bieber and also talked about how much he loves Kanye’s clothing line…yet I could not slay him

    What does that make me?

    • Abradolf Lincler

      a juggalo

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        I’ve excepted my fate

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Considering that Tom G Warrior’s poses are famous worldwide, surely posers are metal as fuck?

  • Corpsesniffer rides a pony to school.

  • Megan Alexandra

    This article is a+++++++++
    Sincerely,
    A fuckin poser

  • Waynecro

    This is some heady stuff, Joebro. Surely you’re not suggesting that people can avoid being posers by simply liking what they like without letting other people’s opinions of their tastes alter how they present themselves and their musical preferences. If that’s the case, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I like B***Metal. But maybe that makes me a double reverse inverse poser with a half salchow twist.

    • Joaquin Stick

      I can wait to live in this world where I won’t get yelled at for not knowing anything about metal prior to like 2005. And not really caring to know anything older than that. (except for a few choice gems like Edge of Sanity’s “Crimson” etc.)

      • That’s a seriously ignorant view if you really just ignore anything prior to 2005

        • Joaquin Stick

          GAH! I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I don’t ignore old stuff. I like to get a little history now and then, but for whatever reason I have very few things that I listen to regularly from pre-05. I’m not being some weird new form of hipster elitist or anything, I just have preferences and they tend to mostly be newer stuff.

          • brokensnow

            Shouldent have to explain yourself or justify what you like or why you like it.

          • Joaquin Stick

            I don’t think I could if I tried. At the same time I’d never call grandpa metal bad. It just doesn’t tickle my pickle.

          • Oh okay, I just misunderstood you then!

          • Joaquin Stick

            Nah, you read it correctly. I misspoke. Derp.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            No you didn’t

          • I’m the same way, man. Part of it is the changes in production, for me. Most older stuff just sounds worse to me because of it. But oddly enough, I can dig the newer bands that ape that old sound sometimes.

          • Joaquin Stick

            I think that is a large part of it for me as well.

      • Waynecro

        Dude, just go get yourself one of those “Jesus Is a Cunt” Cradle of Filth shirts. No one will ever call you a poser or question your metal credibility again.

        • brokensnow

          Got my drummer one to be a dick. Made him were it at Amon Amarth.

          • Waynecro

            I saw two dudes sporting that shirt at the Abigail Williams/Shining/Origin/Belphegor show last night. I thought they were edge masters, but perhaps someone just pranked them.

          • brokensnow

            I would do something like that just to piss the crowd off.

          • Old Man Doom

            Holy shit, were they together? That would’ve been awesome.

          • Waynecro

            Two dudes in matching CoF shirts = spooky gang/cult/coven/fan club

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        With a view like that you probably get a lot more done. I always have to go down the rabbit hole with everything. If I’m at a brewery, I gotta taste as much beer as possible. Wasn’t really turned on to death and black metal in my younger days. So now I wish I could stop time for a bit so I could just dig into all the essentials and obscurities from the eras bygone without having to miss out on everything coming out every damn week

    • Don’t be silly. Of course that doesn’t make you a poser. It makes you a filthy weeb.

      • Waynecro

        You’re probably just jelly because I have a hot pillow wife and an impressive Pocky collection.

      • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

        AKA, the ultimate in human evolution, the “omega point” of the nerdy metalhead realm!

    • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

      That makes you a weeb, AKA the apex species who walks amongst men as amongst apes. Come, my newly knighted weeb warrior, for many pillow wives and hentai movies await thee!

      • Waynecro

        Thanks for the warm welcome, but I’m not a weeb. I feel like I need to make that pretty clear so I don’t incite furious poser accusations from all the true weebs.

        • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

          I wouldn’t consider myself a full on weeb either. I’m not Marty fucking Friedman!

          http://www.darkside.ru/band/884/n69986.jpg

          • Waynecro

            You make a very good point. Tokyo Jukebox and Tokyo Jukebox 2 are fucking awesome, though.

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

            Not familiar with those.

          • Waynecro

            They’re two of his solo albums, but they’re instrumental covers of Japanese songs that were popular at the time. I think he even had Japanese fans vote for the songs they wanted him to cover.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    The first homo sapiens was a poser. Without posers, where would we be now?

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    This article is correct. We’re not posers. We have our own opinions.

    • Don’t put words in my mouth.

  • Guppusmaximus

    Nope… The tried & true definition still stands.
    http://nme.assets.ipccdn.co.uk/images/2015JustinBieber_Ellen_111115.article_x4.jpg
    Fucking Poser!!

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Aw man, I had that shirt when I was a youngin too.

  • Randall’s Sweaty Space Pants

    So is Randall still a poser?

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    I’ve always wondered who decided on the inverted cross thing? I’m pretty sure its at least thought/argued that upside down crucifixion was an actual fate for early christians and an apostle or so. Maybe Glen Benton is showing secret solidarity for olden timers?

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • Dubbbz

      Origen in his Commentary on the Book of Genesis III, quoted by Eusebius in his Ecclesiastical History (III, 1), said: “Peter was crucified at Rome with his head downwards, as he himself had desired to suffer.”

      I think Iommi was the first in metal to do the inverted cross thing.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        When? The first Black Sabbath album had it in the gatefold, but they didn’t approve that.

        • Dubbbz

          I feel like I saw an interview where he talked about it. I’ll try to recall where that was and will report back if I can find it. I honestly could be mis-remembering, but I feel like I saw it at some point.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Please do, as Sabbath, while dark, always lyrically wanted to ward off any bad shit. They all wore crosses (the usual way) anyway.

          • Dubbbz

            That could be what I’m remembering. Probably just an upward crucifix.

      • Waynecro

        When I was a young lad, I actually brought up Peter’s upside-down crucifixion in a sorry/drunken attempt to make my mom feel less bummed out about all the satanic imagery on the black-metal albums I had. It did not go well.

        • Dubbbz

          Ha! It’s interesting that the perception of that symbol has changed over time.

          • Waynecro

            I believe her exact response was, “Do I look like an asshole to you?” And then she explained to me the clear difference between a symbol’s historical meaning and the obvious intentions of a bunch of devil-worshiping musicians. It’s like Linus van Pelt said: “You can’t bluff an old theologian.” Hell, even the pentagram was a Christian symbol for a time.

          • The Tetrachord of Archytas

            That’s a pretty amazing response

          • Waynecro

            She’s a pretty amazing lady. She’s actually kind of into some metal these days. In fact, she’s seen Opeth at least twice. And one time many years ago, she ran into some of the dudes from Deicide at a casino in Las Vegas and told them, “Hey, I know you guys! My kids are going to your show tonight!”

          • The Tetrachord of Archytas

            That’s awesome!

  • Guacamole Jim

    I’m…. I’m NOT a poser?? :’) This is the best day of my life!

    PLUS Sabbath’s first album is some rocking shit. Kicking myself for not listening to them sooner.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    YOU POSERS WILL DIE BY MY STEEL!!!

  • Max

    My girlfriend was a total poser. For a men’s magazine.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    This is the very hottest of takes