Horror Movies and Heavy Metal: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare

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There is nothing inherently wrong with making a low-budget horror movie. There is something wrong with making a low-budget horror movie when the same person writes, produces, provides the music, and acts in the lead role.

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Note: Not an illustration

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (originally titled The Edge of Hell) is a 1987 horror movie starring Jon Mikl Thor (Zombie Nightmare, 80’s metal band Thor) as John Triton, lead singer of the band Triton. Triton, along with their girlfriends and manager, have driven out to an isolated barn house to record new music. Unbeknownst to them, a family was mysteriously murdered several years before by an evil force. After a mediocre recording session, various monsters begin appearing in the house. One by one, the band becomes possessed by the evil presence and their personalities start to change. On the bright side, the band sounds better than ever. Unfortunately, the good times end as everyone in the house disappears, leaving John as the sole member still alive. The evil spirit finally reveals it’s true form, that of the Devil himself! How will John be able to defeat the Prince of Darkness?

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This next one is called “Cocaine Titty Explosion”!

Calling Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare a vanity project for Jon Mikl Thor doesn’t do the term justice. He’s the writer, producer, and lead acting role. To the surprise of no one, Thor is not good at all three of these things. The movie cost a little over $50,000 to make, a paltry sum for a horror movie that includes multiple monsters. You may be surprised to find out that the movie took a week to film. If I had to guess, I would’ve said it took a solid afternoon.

In terms of acting, you have your standard c-level horror movie crappiness. The director purportedly hired some of his friends to act and I completely believe that. Lines are delivered poorly, usually with a lack of proper emotion or projection. I think Thor knew he wasn’t much of an actor, because despite being the hero of the movie, he actually isn’t in it all that much. There are times throughout the movie where the dialogue is drowned out by music.

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Who knew the Devil was so adorable?

Speaking of music, Thor manages to cram in as much of his as possible. If we’re being honest, it’s not that bad. It straddles the line between hair metal and late 70’s cock rock. I’m not a fan of either genre, but the music manages to be tolerable, bordering on enjoyable at times. Probably because it distracts from the poor acting and lack of story. Beyond the metal music, Rock N Roll Nightmare also injects cheap Casio keyboard hits that would make Varg Vikernes nether regions tingle like the first time he read Mein Kampf. The cheap keyboard music pops up at random times throughout the movie and consistently made me laugh. Probably not what they were going for.

On top of all that, Thor is the main image on the poster. He beats out the Devil for top billing! He’s practically saying “Out of the way, Beezlebro, I gotta flex these pecs! You may bring the lightning, but I’ve got the thunder! Drink it in! UGGGHHHHH!” To be fair, when you’re a former bodybuilder that writes like Helen Keller after a night of heavy drinking, you might as well pose as much as possible. And pose he does. The final battle between John and the Devil is a chance for Thor to take off his shirt, put on some sort of chain-mail loincloth and do his best Mr. USA poses. Think I’m kidding? Look at this picture:

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I call this look “Brown Steel”

With all of these things out of the way, what about the story? Well, there isn’t much story. There really isn’t much build or anticipation. Things just kind of happen and then we move on. The demons/monsters are Halloween store surplus. The Devil is downright adorable. And this guy? Subtlely was thrown out of the window into a dump truck filled with rat tracks. It’s literally a one-eyed penis-shaped monster. What else can you say? I mean, besides “What in the throbbing purple fuck?!”

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There’s nothing I can say that would be funnier than this picture.

I won’t spoil the big twist, but it comes out of nowhere and makes very, very little sense. It actually causes more plotholes than fills them in. It does lead to one of the best fight scenes since Roddy Piper vs. Keith Davis in “They Live”. It’s less a find and more of a “John makes funny faces while holding the arms of the paper mache Devil. And it goes on for 10 minutes!

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Oh sure, you love Slim Jims, but you don’t want to see what they’re made from.

Rock N Roll Nightmare is a funhouse mirror in Jon Mikl Thor’s world where he is the best at everything. Really, though, can you be annoyed by a movie this goofy and inept? Yeah, you can. With a group of friends Rock N Roll Nightmare can be a good time. It’s poorly acted, poorly written, and downright silly. It’s absolutely fun to laugh at and can be enjoyable if treated as such. But as a genuine horror movie? It’s woefully and hysterically bad. And may you be in Heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you’re flexing.

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  • I am obligated by law to post this song Thor did with Seth of AxCx.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwZRMTLLcTU

    • Tyree
    • IronLawnmower

      Whatever the fuck that was I liked the guitar riff. I don’t know how I feel about the rest of this.

      • There’s a rabbit hole here you prob should just avoid.

        • IronLawnmower

          DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE ALICE.

    • KJM

      “You Did Coke With Thor, You’re Gay” – outtake from a cassette left in their dealer’s basement

  • Mon*Star

    “I’ll see you again, Ol’ Scratch!”

    I’ve seen this movie way too many times. Like three.

  • W.

    How does the devil in this film compare to the claymation one in the Primus video for The Decil Went down to Georgia?

    • This is an expressionless piece of plastic with abnormally large arms that Thor grabs and moves around to simulate either fighting or his alien mating ritual.

      • Cock ov Steele

        What was he? like a deity or something? the devil just appears as if he knows he’s there, killing his band members and their sluts off one by one, and then he says he’s something. I don’t know that movie was a confusing piece of shit, and all of a sudden farmhouse turns in to a penis monster bar? wtf.

    • God

      The devil in that mark twain movie…*shudder*

  • IronLawnmower

    You know you’ve struck gold when the poster doubles as a Manowar cover.

    • W.

      I don’t see a problem there.

  • IronLawnmower
    • CyberneticOrganism

      And only 18 years later! Timely!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    365 Days of Horror: have you seen Black Roses? It’s another “rock & roll is evil” movie.

    • No I haven’t. Maybe I’ll review it one day.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        It’s pretty craptacular, but worth a look: http://tinyurl.com/mh2vukx

        Great writeup by the way, I always look forward to these.

    • Cock ov Steele

      That film just seemed like deliberate 8os “heavy metal is satan” propaganda.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        With Carmine Appice!

        Nothing can go wrong with Carmine Appice! Right?

        • Cock ov Steele

          Some people would argue “Beck, bogart, & Appice” but hey they also got Hallows Eve in there.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Oh yeah, I was thinking of the brother who didn’t play on “If Ya Think I’m Sexy”

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Jon Mikl Thor has honest-to-god breasts in this movie. Look at those big ol’ tittays.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    So what I have learned from this series is: Rock/Metal and Horror make lots of shitty movies. Don’t try this yourself, nothing good will follow.

    • God

      There was a shitty movie with Lordi in it and they played the monsters. I forget what it was called but it was actually pretty fun.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        Dark Floors, they are still knee deep in debts and shit because of that movie.

        • God

          Thank you! I kinda wanna watch it again.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I was entertained by it, nor do I hate the band … anymore.
            The vocalist has two apartments, despite the debts. The other is so full of KISS merchandise, he can’t live there… Talk about fandom

  • God

    He has some nice tits.

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      Thor is canadian so i have to like him. I actually prefer him to anvil for entertainment value alone, he bends bars with his teeth, chocalate bars these days, but steel ones in the old days. Kind of like an old school carnival act from the 50’s.

  • KJM

    Speaking of Horror, I watched VHS Viral last night. It was ok, but it’s certainly the least of the three.

    • God

      VHS2 was my fav.

      • KJM

        “Safe Haven”(doomsday cult story) is the best segment out of all the movies.

        • God

          My god that one gave me anxiety.

          ABC’s of death anyone? A lot of the mini films were shit (but even then they were good for a laugh) but there were some genuinely fucked up ones on there

          • KJM

            I saw it, a bit too much for me. “D Is For Dogfight” was very well done though.

        • So rad. I think my favorite was the ocular implant story.

          • God

            That runs a close second for me. I loved the concept of it and it was executed perfectly.

  • This is what happens when all your days at the gym are chest days.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Heavy metal themed horror is often awesome, but I think this is probably the best of the genre, its unrelenting insight into the soul of Thor gropes at the quintessence of Art itself.

    • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

      it seems like the combination–could have limitless potential—-perhaps in the future–horror and metal will be combined–maybe on a media that is beyond movies—

      it is troubling that no one has really got it together on this subject yet..

      here’s a horror flick–that is a dodecahedronic time fiber/multidimensianal terror led life fragment–called “bill clinton did 911”

      watch the late term abortion video–(muted) while listening to the diana ross video

      http://youtu.be/gdj7zKGiDNw

      http://youtu.be/JM_R1R28kLM

  • JWG

    I feel a little odd now, having mentioned Jon Mikl Thor in last week’s Whiff o’ The Week.

    If I’m in any way responsible for the germ of an idea which became having to suffer through this film for an article, I apologise.

  • Cock ov Steele

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug7krGaqZyU I’m trying to find the album he did under the moniker “Thor & the Ass boys”

  • pïgchop™

    Rock N Roll Nightmare. This is the originally named “The Edge Of Hell” release.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-skGCIhaDVU

  • pïgchop™

    Continuing right along with happy horror crap, there is this semi-classic:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bfio9cYpXTw

    • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

      If satanic nuns, boobs, bush, blood and sadism are your game, here is one to press play on. As per usual no wife and kids please. Send em out to see the newest piece of CGI disney shit. HOT STUFF !!! Trust the king .

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMcBqcirRX0

      • JWG

        At least for a few more days the ‘latest’ Disney CG-fest is ‘Frozen’, right?

        As a horror fan, I fully intend to ruin as many parents lives as possible by replying to every mention of that on my Facebook feed as possible with trailers and/or entirely uncensored clips from the REAL ‘Frozen’ film:

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wmro5jBViA
        Unfortunately I’ve only been able to do it twice so far.

        • CONANtheMotherFuckin’KING

          this frozen was a lot better than i thought for a basically one setting film like this. Canadian i believe ?

          • JWG

            Wikipedia calls it American, because it was distributed by Anchor Bay and filmed mostly in Utah.

            But I’m quite sure I remember film crews heading up to Whistler in 2008 or ’09 for some additional footage. And two of the effectively-three-person cast are Canadian actors.

            It also “feels” more Canadian because of the low budget and single-setting (see also: Cube and Treed Murray). So, yeah, I generally think of it as a Canadian film that just happens to have been made outside Canada.

  • PrincePoopyPanties

    Is it me, or during the final battle, is the devil having a multiple orgasm as Thor’s flexing?!!?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPbzOKF55xE