Holiday Schedule + Open Flushing Swim

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Alright. I’ve got some things to say about our holiday schedule.

Many of us are going to be sort of busy hanging out with our folks, half-assing last minute Christmas shopping, and doubling our medication this week. If you’re anything like me, you’ve already withdrawn into the dark of the basement with a hollow, dying shell of your only friend/the family dog, and you’re eating the entire pan of fudge while brainstorming elaborate ways to take your own life. Merry Christmas.

W., who has always been faithfully supportive of my suicidality, has recommended that I fashion a noose from my “glorious locks.” It’s a little clean for my taste, but I think I’m about settled on it, unless any of you have any better ideas.

Anyways. To accommodate everyone’s holiday activities, we’re going to do one post per day for the remainder of the week, then resume with our normal schedule on Monday.

But, more importantly, this is an Open Swim. Embarrassing my wife by doing Mac karate at her in public just doesn’t bring me the joy it used to before she started calling to strangers for help, but talking with you guys still works. So talk it up in the comments below!

But before you do that, watch this no-bullshit tortoise repeatedly headbutt the absolute fuck out of Fred the cat:

Be safe this week, people. Much love and Happy Holidays.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Down time at work = product development for TOH.

    GL

    • Would place butt upon/10.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      It has to have Lolbuttz on it as well

    • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

      How do I flush this thing?

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

        With wheedly-deedly riffs.

      • A tank of raccoons lie beneath it. The raccoons eat the feces/posers. no-water/1liter/per/flush/required. Raccoons eat everything. Also, goats.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHQ7bt5LBj8#t=38

        GL

        • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

          Nononono, you misunderstand me. what I meant was: where is the bit on the toilet which makes the toilet flush? You know, like a regular toilet.

          • This toilet doesn’t flush. Your poop falls into a tank of raccoons. Then, the raccoons eat teh poops. The “water tank” portion of this toilet is a composite mixed up of ground up bones of posers and monument to greatness.

            No flushing required!

            GL

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            “No flushing required”
            FLUSH!
            Why would I buy it then?

        • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

          Wait, I get it now, I misunderstood, Thank you.

    • 4 hours left of work and bored as hell – 5 days off to follow.

  • Metaphysical Anus

    The tortoise revolution shall begin!

    • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

      The tortoise revolution is coming, I can feel it.

      • Mr. Bojangles

        do you feel it in your ass

        because that might not be the tortoise revolution

    • FeelTheDarkness

      The revolution will not be televised

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
        In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.
        The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
        blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
        Mitchell, General Abrams and Mendel Rivers to eat
        hog maws confiscated from a Finland sanctuary.

        • KJM

          Nobody will care if Dick finally got down with Jane on Search For Tomorrow because Black people will be out in the streets looking for a brighter day. THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED!!!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Gil, my man

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

      First, it starts with a turtle biting Mr. Bojangles’ ass.

      http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg196/D4mnedArchaine/gif-turtle-bites-cat.gif

    • CyberneticOrganism

      🙂

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Anyone listening to the mega Spotify playlist? I just got to a band on Stockhausen’s list called “The Great Old Ones” and they are pretty rad.

    • VVorld Peace

      Great Old Ones rule. I got some weird strings of songs, but I dug it. Except for Steel Panther. Flush!

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        I am starting to recognize which bands I can skip pretty fast. Just another reason I love the playlist, I learn what I hate!

    • Tekeli-li rules butts.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Been going back and forth. Hoth is my current “Why didn’t I hear this before”.

    • Stockhausen

      Yesssss!

    • That Monster Magnet record is pretty dang enjoyable.

      • VVorld Peace

        You better believe it.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        I can’t even play it 🙁

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        Totally agree with this. If you ever want to have fun blast “Space Lord” while on the highway and drive very fast. It’s so satisfying

    • fun fact about The Great Old Ones: HP Lovecraft is in the band!

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        H.P. Lovecraft is one of The Great Old Ones
        or
        H.P Lovecraft found The Great Old Ones

        *Totally gets the joke immediately this time*

      • old_man_doom

        fer real

  • I hope all of you get nothing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a5fHMlb4V0

  • I’m back home after surviving the family. Let the ‘nog flow and blood spill. What are your plans for the holiday break?

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Driving in circles around Chicago, family members in literally every suburb. Love putting them miles on my brand new car 🙁

      • Howard Dean

        Stop at the local boarding house and give Blake Judd some clean syringes for Christmas!

        • …Ellipsis…

          Help Kerry King put the pool table back.

        • more beer

          Let that guy use dirty hepatitis aids needles.

          • Howard Dean

            I’m betting he already has.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Visit Solemn Oath for a victory ale

        • YourLogicIsFlushed

          I do need to go back there. Evey beer I had was fantastic.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Indeed, they brew good stuff

    • Metaphysical Anus

      I’m gonna hang around with my doggy dogs and sleep.

      • Howard Dean

        What?! No boozing and whores?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I’m the world’s most boring Anus.

        • more beer

          Booze & whores a traditional Christmas. That`s fun Anus will have none of that.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Avoiding my family mostly, eating, drinking, sleeping, drinking, listening to music, drinking, driving people nuts in the Toilet, drinking oh and probably visit ToH every ten minutes too.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You forgot drinking.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          Oh yes, and drinking.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Thanks, @Howard Dean for reminding me, Also visiting Estonia for drinking and cheap hookers.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Have fun with the STDs you’ll get there.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I’m immune to everything, such is my divine might. B’sides if you know where to go and who to call…

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Tää-tä-ttättä! Ghostflushers!

    • Mr. Bojangles

      I’m hopefully contracting some STDs

      • Howard Dean

        AIDS.

        Aim high.

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      The old lady has to work both xmas eve and xmas day (fucking snobs), so we wont be going over to my surrogate family’s until late xmas night. So, my plans are largely the same as they are on regular days. I still drink more than all of you.

      • You say that but I don’t think you have any idea what Tyree and I put down.

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          I’m going to stick with my original statement. You guise can pretend to drink with me.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Even my mom could outdrink you.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Your mom also has a bigger beard than me.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It runs in the family.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            *female side of

          • Metaphysical Anus

            We don’t divide ourselves into female and male sides. Check your privilege.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I forgot you were like dwarves.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My mom pretty much is a dwarf.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            You need to go check out that Ghost Bath that CT laid out yesterday. That shit has been on blaaaaaaaasssttt

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I checked it out already before you did
            *hipster shade on*

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            You like my name? I made it just for you.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Aw, shucks

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Dwarves don’t spring from holes in the ground. There are dwarf women, they merely are bearded as well.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            You certainly drink more than me now BB, but seven plus years ago I would have given you a run for your bath salts.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Now now now, I was just kidding. I’m sure we all can pound the dranks.

          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I’m glad there’s some Community fans in here. 6 seasons & a movie!

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Want to hear something embarrassing? I got sidetracked during the fifth season. I was watching it via less than entirely ethical means but did not finish it. I don’t have cable TV.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            the 5th season, I believe, was the return of Dan Harmon. Which means it was better than seasons 3 & 4

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            S4 sucked a fat one, I agree.

            S3 had some moments.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Seasons 1 & 2 will forever be on “dat level,” for me, of TV shows I hold in high regard.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I’m not up on much comedy (cause I am v dark & grvm lol) but again, I agree.

          • let me know when you’re finished with Alison Brie k?

          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • if i take an adderall first, i might be high in the running

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            hell yeah, to both of you

          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • CyberneticOrganism
          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • KJM

            I’ll just watch you guys get sloshed whilst I smoke this hash.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ll watch all you guys pass out and then take your wallets.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            i’m gonna do both, and this vicodin, bro. #getonmylevel

          • KJM

            Gotta admit, a few vics would go down well right about now.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            then you better hop your ass in the car, cuz i’m bustin’ the fuckers up right now

          • KJM

            Teleporter, just sayin.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC
      • more beer

        I don`t know about that as I`m a professional stunt drinker!

    • Stockhausen

      Joyously embracing those around me in the warm candles’ glow, gathering ’round the piano to sing Christmas carols, trying to guess what’s in a big stack of presents, all while wearing 14 Christmas sweaters.

      • This comment is a fucking carcinogen.

        • Stockhausen

          Reality: hanging out with my awesome family, drinking a lot of beer.

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      Hoping my parents bought me a record player and some vinyl to go with it. But they’ll probably buy me another FFDP shirt like they did last year.

      • cut the sleeves off that bitch, brah!

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          It’s my cardio shirt. Would never catch me wearing it in public!

      • KJM

        : (

      • CyberneticOrganism

        BRO THAT’S FUCKIN’ SWEET BRO!

        *slams four Bud Lights*

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          The shirt screams I drive a lifted Ford F150 and have a chest tattoo that state “Don’t Tread On Me”

          • Whats wrong with owning a F150 and having a “Don’t Tread on Me” tattoo?

            GL

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I said lifted F150. It just screams I’m a giant douche

          • Lifted trucks and Don’t Tread on Me (flags) are badass man. Don’t hate on your country roots!

            GL

          • Also, here is a picture of my first lifted Jeep.

            #staylifted

            GL

        • KJM

          We’re gonna need another episode of BDub Bros before too long.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I ran out of time before I could get started on “A Very Special BDubs Bro Christmas,” but I’ll get another chapter started soon

          • KJM

            Excellent!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            ._.

      • KJM

        When it came to Christmas/Birthday vinyl way back when, Mom would just say ‘Gimme a list of 5-10 must haves’. I would, and poof, there they were.

        • Howard Dean

          Dude, that’s sweet! If someone I know ever bought me 5-10 new albums, I would shit myself

          • KJM

            We didn’t have much in those days so there was no screwing around when it came to presents. I still have a lot of the vinyl from back then.

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          In addition to the Lantlos vinyl, we also got my buddy a 12″ repressing of Jesu’s Conqueror. Classic fuckin’ album

          • dat Lantlos…

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I can’t give that album enough praise.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        You should conctact child protective services, you are clearly being abused.

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          I liked their first album…. but not a fan of everything else.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      ┼ ┼ ┼ BATTLE THE KRVMPVS ┼ ┼ ┼

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I have family things on Christmas Eve and on the day of Christmas. I’ll probably be on Facebook a lot of the time and listening to my music.

  • Vince’s Prolapsed Colon

    Wat? 1 post per day?! Gettin lazy, dudes! ToH r lazy hacks! Metalsux is the only blog dat is 4 real!

    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Metalsux doesn’t even post til January,

      • CyberneticOrganism

        They’re catching up on Babymetal developments
        http://tinyurl.com/mcdyywp

      • Yes but they will post any breaking news on Baby Metal during that time.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Fuck holidays!! Hail death.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfxALfmpmZ8

  • Mr. Bojangles
  • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

    Big Fuzz would have fucked that stupid turtle up.

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    An army of tortoises, marching to the gates of Hell and Damnation.

  • Stockhausen

    SCHVBERT.

    • so cvte!

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

      Something about cats with these markings. They think all laps belong to them.

      • CT-12

        Because they do

    • Metaphysical Anus

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • CyberneticOrganism
    • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

      Brian Bless(ed) the Idle

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Eric Idle is Anus approved.

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

        An idle anus is the devil’s playground.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

          Idle No More

  • hello everyone, i am currently making my 10,000th comment on Disqus:

    i love you all.

    • VVorld Peace
    • Metaphysical Anus

      Do I smell positivity?

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        No, you’ve no nose

        • Metaphysical Anus

          But Pentti does.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Pentti can’t smell for you, but he can smell you

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Linkola smells and then tells.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            He tells W, when do you come into the picture?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Lölz tapa itsesi, pelasta meidän joulu

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Enpä taia, musta tuntuu että Pentti pitää musta. Mieluummin kokeilen onko mulla mahkuja.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Vittu ku oot laiska. Aina minun pitää tehä kaikki ite. Kohta tulee murhamiehelle joulu

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Tulee murhamielelle joulu? Ootkohan kuiteskaan somelainen ku eihä sun purpatusta puhu jonnekaan. Sitäpaitti, ainaha jouluna tulee murhamielelle, ihan kuka tahansa.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Siinä lukee murhamiehelle, lueppa uudestaan. En ole editoinut sitä, sinä vain et osaa lukea.

          • Howard Dean
          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            No enhä mie ossookkaan. Vuan kuuleppas etelänmaan Juan ethän siekää ossoo (buccoo) kirijottaa, jote ei anneta sen sen enempiä haitata vaan ottetaa läskeistä kiinni ja laitetaan lätistäen.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Elä elä elä sinä ala minulle. Nää on mun makkaraperunat!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Mut mie haluunki kato osingoille, PRKLSTNAJUMALVIDA

          • Stockhausen

            I feel 100% confident in saying that you made up that last word. I won’t be convinced otherwise.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            It’s actually a combination of a few words, so you are almost right this time, mate.

          • Stockhausen

            That’s close enough for me!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s words mashed into one. Also, it’s missing some letters.

          • Stockhausen

            Like the Finnish Dr. Seuss?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Except with more swears,

          • Stockhausen

            Dr. Samuel L Suess.

      • worry not, once the McNulty family chrimbus festivities begin, i’ll be a big grump again

        • ***REPORTED** USER W/ >>10,000 COMMENTS ABUSE

          <3 <3 <3

          GL

    • Stockhausen

      JJM>>>>>>>>

    • …Ellipsis…
    • Nice! You’re count doubles mine. I’m almost to 5,000.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      enjoy a like on me!

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      this shot of wild turkey is for you McNutty

    • Healed Matt

      hello everyone, i am currently making my 00,001th comment on Disqus!
      Love you all,
      Healed Matt.

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        1ST! WELCOME TO THE TOILET

        • DAMMIT

        • Healed Matt

          My name is an anagram, Figure it out and I shall gift you.

          • Death Metal?

          • Healed Matt

            Close! Real answer: Data Helmet

            Here’s a consolation prize: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yr5rn3Sv_4

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            *FLUSH*

          • Healed Matt

            RIP Motorcycle

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)
          • Malted Hate

            *MEGAFLUSH*
            Suicide silence sucks in any way shape or form.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Nah. I love Phil Bozeman. Whitechapel happens to be one of my favorite groups.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I actually kinda like some Suicide Silence. They’re not at Despised Icon level, but then again, nobody is.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I enjoy them too! Their last release was actually pretty good. Did it make my year ends list? No, but regardless it was a good release, especially after the tragedy they faced.

          • btb&smee using an iPhone

            I got into them after that memorial performance. That thing was so good.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I got into them shortly before Mitch died. I really wanted to attend that show, but it was during my junior year football season.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I got into them after Mitch died, but I like them a lot now. Also, you played football in high school?

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I certainly did. Started all four years too!

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Kim Jong, I just learned how to read guitar tabs. I’m #stoked

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            There is always a stereotype that metalheads and jocks can’t get along, but thats usually not very true. I’d take jocks any day over attention seeking “alt” people.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I was one of three metal heads on the team. We couldn’t make people stop listening to rap. It’s torturous having to listen to Lil Wayne

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I didn’t know a single jock that listened to metal. The only people who did were the kids that played jazz or classical.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I always felt like metal was the perfect football music. My pregame jam was Walk by Pantera. If that doesn’t boil your blood then I don’t know what would.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            The only time I played a sport was rugby in the 8th grade. Walk, however, will get you pumped to do literally anything. I don’t see why so many people hate it, it was the sing that got me into Pantera.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            This love was my first Pantera song. I’m currently teaching myself how to play guitar and This Love is a song that I look forward to learning once I’m at that level

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            The intro to that song isn’t too hard. The best “beginner riffs” to learn are Am I Evil by Diamond Head, Electric Funeral by Sabbath, and For Whom the Bell Tolls.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I have zero experience. I’m teaching myself chords and learning how to read tabs. I’m stoked because my dad just bought me an orange amplifier!

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            What kind of guitar do you have?

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            It’s just a cheap one. It’s an off brand fender stratocaster. I plan on upgrading once I can actually play. It’s not much but it easy to learn on

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            My advice right now: really read up and test guitars before buying any more moderately priced ones. Don’t just go off of buying one that someone you like plays, that was my mistake.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’ve tested quite a few and my favorite is definitely a Fender Jazzmaster, but I’m in my first year off college and I don’t have a ton of money to spend yet. The cheapest Jazzmaster I’ve seen is $700, but my second favorite is a telecaster so that’s what I’m going to buy next.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I’ve always liked Schecter the most, but buy whatever feels comfortable. If you feel the best playing a jazzmaster, then you will sound the best playing one. They sound really good too.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Yeah that’s going to be what I reward myself with when I gradu college. Til then I’m going to buy a $300 telecaster!

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            What genre are you going for?

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I want to learn how to play everything from Slipknot to Carcass. I love all metal so I want to learn a lot of different songs from the many artist I enjoy!

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            Coolest riffs to play on guitar: Death’s Symbolic, Mayhem’s Deathcrush, and Carcass’ Buried Dreams.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I just bought that game Rocksmith because many people said it’d help. It’s actu pretty fun too!

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I never tried it, I had a guitar teacher. Most of my musical taste actually came from his influence. If it weren’t for him I’d still probably just be listening to Nirvana and Pearl Jam.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            The first metal band I ever loved was Slipknot. And they still are my favorite band. My first concert was Mayhem fest 2012. That concert introduced me to bands like Whitechapel, As I Lay Dyong, Anthrax, and Slayer. After seeing that live it opened my eyes and made me fall in love with metal. i still go to mayhem every year regardless of who’s playing. Although I’d really like to see the Deftones and/or Lamb of God there

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I went last year to Mayhem, and thought it was alright. Definitely the winners of that tour were Cannibal Corpse, Body Count, A7X, and Suicide Silence. I’m hoping for Dethklok to play next year. Imagine the majesty if they were given a main stage budget like A7X had last year or Zombie had two years ago.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            That’d be awesome, it’s too bad they don’t really have the credibility to be the headliner

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            They were close at a point. I feel like if they put on a bigger live show they’d be one of the biggest metal bands.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I think the reason it won’t happen is because Mayhem only lets bands who get radio time to headline. It’s smart because it draws more people in. It’s a shame how the industry is

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            At least the headliners are always decent due to the money put into their show. I remember back when people were saying Trivium and Machine Head were going to be the next big festival headliners, but on Mayhem Trivium was under Asking Alexandria, and two years ago Machine Head were under Bodom. I’m betting Slipknot will headline 2015 (imo not a bad thing), but it will be interesting to see where Lamb of God will take themselves.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’d like it to be Slipknot, LoG, The Deftones on the main stage. And I’d like Whitechapel to be on one of the side stages.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I’ve never seen Whitechapel play festivals, just clubs. Maybe they should get the Red Chord again. Also when Amon Amarth played there it was incredible.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Whitechapel hasn’t played Mayhem since 2012. But the Red Chord indeed would be awesome!

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            I need to see the Red Chord live. I missed Whitechapel on their last tour with UABB, but saw them on their previous two tours before that. Do you like Upon A Burning Body at all? I’m on the fence with them.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’m alright with them. They have some tunes I like.

          • Between The Buried & Smee

            Their publicity stunt was what really kept me from giving them a fair chance. It was so stupid and pointless that it distracting me from their music.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Agreed. They bounced back from that really well. I actually think their latest album was a step up from their earlier work. Moving away from straight deathcore to more groove oriented stuff was a good choice.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Deathcore is kinda boring that’s why bands are kind of getting away from it. Look at JFAC and Whitechapel. I like how SS and those other bands want their sound to be more mature and are starting to focus on their writing, riffs, etc.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            I actually really like Despised Icon’s 2nd & 3rd albums ‘The Healing Process’ & ‘The Ills of Modern Man.’

            One of my favorite mosh-pit riffs ever:

            http://youtu.be/yhIFUom0Ngw

          • Malted Hate

            Whitechapel sucks as hard as Suicide Silence: *DOWN THE DRAIN YOU GO*

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Whitechapel is fucking good man! They were one of the first heavier bands I got into them. Because of them I’d never have listened to bands like Death, Necrophagist, Cannibal Corpse, etc. Fucking fantastic band!

          • Healed Matt

            other acceptable answers:
            Elated Math

            Heated Malt

            Malted Hate

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            ‘Malted Hate’. Good band name.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            See also: Chocolate Malt Ov Void

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            Looks like I have a name for my band/One man shitty basement project.

          • Healed Matt

            Pavlova ov Pavlov is also a good one.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

            No, you’re thinking of Chet Healed Matt.

          • Data Helmet!

          • Healed Matt
          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            *No Flush*

          • VVorld Peace

            None whatsoever.

          • VVorld Peace

            In honor of your recent accomplishment, I think your name should don a data helmet of victory.

      • HM!

        GL

      • Healed Matt

        My name is anagram, Figure it out and I shall gift you.

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        Hi! Welcome to the wondrous bowl. Release yourself upon the joyous seat, and embrace the void below.

      • Edward #negrod4eva

        Let me be the fourth to welcome you to our community, friend.

        • Healed Matt

          Thank you so much

    • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

      you are the TRUE KING, There will never be another.

      • nothing can top your featured comment from yesterday.

        • lol@gmaildork.com

          make love already!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Go fuck yourself with a giant cactus.

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          You the man Jimmy!

      • punpun

        Piggy strikes again.

        • CONANtheMomsenFuckingKING

          another allusion to the tate murders , clever cocksucker you, if you just realized it now you are the asshole.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite
    • NefariousDude

      GOD BLESS MCNULTY

  • FeelTheDarkness
  • God

    Feel bad that I havent been able to comment much on here as of late. but on the upside I’m finally working someplace that doesnt make me want to kill myself!
    *high fives self*

    • congrats God! are you raining pestilences upon us scrubs?

      • God

        Ssssssh it’s a surprise

    • Guacamole Jim

      I’ve missed our chats, God. Good to see you’re back.

      • God

        If I recall correctly Jim, you told me to revisit Freak Kitchen’s “cooking with pagans”.

  • nbm02ss

    Mistakes were made. I got everything to do a custom watercooling loop for my PC, except for distilled water, and fuck if I’m going to Wal-Mart this time of year; I’ll be standing in line wishing I had bought that $35 dollar gallon of water on Amazon.

    • Howard Dean

      You could distill the water yourself. And then afterwards, make some ‘shine.

      • nbm02ss

        That is certainly an idea, especially since I’ll be spending much (all) of the holidays smashed.

  • When’s the next edition of Bump N’ Grind comin’ out? Recommend checkin out Besta. You will enjoy this next 7 minutes.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzZ1Vaf27xk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

  • NefariousDude

    Damn totally need to Mac Karate on nefariousgirlfriend in public now

  • IronLawnmower

    *retreats to anti christmas bunker*

  • http://youtu.be/sX0oxHiK3aA a choice cut from Bootsy Collins Christmas album

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      I love Bootsy. He’s an amazing bass player and he was in Parliament with George Clinton which gives him great credentials.

  • Stockhausen

    These comments are a mess guys, stay on topic.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Half day tomorrow, then off till the 5th. I’ve failed to watch any Christmas horror so far but tomorrow night hope to persuade my brother to watch Black Christmas. Otherwise looking forward to a warm fire, some delicious booze and the tradition of getting high and watching kung fu movies. Also listening to as much metal as I can reasonably get away with.

    • Howard Dean

      You are either in high school or have the sweetest holiday job schedule I’ve ever seen. Either way, congrats on time off!

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Cheers! I work in an archive/library for a pretty big publishing outfit and the movers and shakers that we help get all their essential work done in advance so they don’t need us over the Christmas period. No dealing with the public, so we can just relax for a bit.

        • Howard Dean

          That’s awesome. Enjoy, my man!

      • Edward #negrod4eva
    • CyberneticOrganism
      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        I may do just that actually, I’ve not seen it yet.

  • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

    PASSED MY DRUG TEST. FUCK YOU, LETS GET FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

      You must have studied well.

    • Edward #negrod4eva
    • Metaphysical Anus

      You’re welcome 😉

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        what did you do, except berate me? lol

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I paid some people so they would let you pass.

          • ’tis the season!

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            thanks love.

            because I already have a buzz, I will prove my beard cred to you. (refresh for img). soak it up f@gg0ts.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Did that ink on your chest hurt? I have a lot of my arms but none elsewhere. I am waiting to hear back from my tattoo artist for my first leg tat, a die in obscurity ToH brand tattoo, no bullshit.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            all the work on my stomach and chest have been the most painful. i wouldn’t let that deter you. i actually talked to the old lady about getting “die in obscurity” on me too. I think the idea is real cool.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Parts of my sleeve were more painful that others. When I get the drawing of mine (die in obscurity) I will show it to you and our crew here. I’m going to get the right spelling otherwise people might think I am just a dumbass, haha.

            This is my new new shit:

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            fuckkkk yeah that looks cool. its way cleaner than the majority of my work. that’s fucking cool man. I haven’t had anything done in almost 2 years, I think my hands and legs are next.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Thanks! I can take credit for the idea but my tattoo artist drew it – dude is a genius / v talented.

            I always thought hands and neck tattoos were super badass, honest. They get a bad rep in the metal community cause metalcore / deathcore lol. If I wasn’t planning on still entering the work force in a very professional way I would have gotten them.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I’ve been doing manual labor my whole life, no matter how intelligent I prove to be to my employers. I get hired (obviously) no matter my tattoos, at this point. My hands I plan to get a valknut and the words “Dark” and “fate,” respectively.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            A valknut?

          • he means Gojira.

            GL

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            G O J I R A would fit on both hands, word.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            it wouldn’t fit equally.

            this is my big dilemma with my finger tats

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Three fingers each.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            but a space of 2 in between? or 1 each on the outside?

            either way, gojira isn’t worth getting a tattoo over.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I would go ring, middle, pointer, pointer, middle, ring. So when you held your fists together it would work.

          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            while its easy to disagree with this man’s life choices, its hard to disagree with his opinion

          • Edward #negrod4eva
          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            i wish she would just jump, just a little.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            The internet is a strange and wondrous invention.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            is it wrong to just want to see her bounce? just for humanity’s sake, joe.

          • “I’m sorry but we’re not accepting new applicants.”

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I bet he’s a musician or tattoo artist.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            either way, I think he’s probably an idiot.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            P sure you are correct.

          • ocular patdown complete. we can take him, easy.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            some of our scandinavian friends will know the term, maybe.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valknut

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Those looping triangles?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            it is also a mathematical principle.

          • It would be perfect if you had Gojira scribbled at the top of it 🙂

            GL

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Or Tay Tay 1989.

          • i’m in for the die tattoo as well. me legs are currently virgin territory.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I just double checked to make sure I emailed my tattoo artist – I did!

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            keep me updated!

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I will.

          • now that looks like a pirate, tell ya what

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            from your tattoo video you looked real friendly. nohomo

          • i am one of the original lifelovers.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            one of the *greatest* lifelovers (among us).

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I love life so much that life hates me.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I’m wearing an old Origin Informis Infinitas Inhumanitas hoodie … right now … bro.

          • —>

          • Lacertilian

            You know I have to do this now…
            SALIGIA

          • Lacertilian

            So this is where we post pictures of ourselves with metal musicians?
            I shall upload a pic from the other night of me & some life-lovers hanging out with Brett Bamberger from Revocation.

          • no it’s not. you ruined it! Anyone else we know in that pic?

          • Lacertilian
          • Metaphysical Anus

            I am disappointed in your beard, love.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            now we know you’re just bullshitting. so unless you can prove otherwise, your beard is infantile.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Denial is the first step.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            My beard is like 1000 Suns. Its like staring into destiny and seeing that you dont have what it takes to walk thru the threshold.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            My mother does have a better beard than you. You shouldn’t glue pubes on your face, kid.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            If you’d like to stop fondling yourself with freudian insecurities, can we listen to good black metal and be frands now?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m currently listening to Ulver’s masterful album Kveldssanger

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I like Ulver, most of the time.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            *I like Ulver, always and forever
            FTFY

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            close enough, he has some releases that i dont dig.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            He? Wtf? Also, you’re a scrub feg for saying that.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            you know i’m talking about Rygg, and suck it. die.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            There are other people in Ulver as well, you scrub feg.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            you are the worst.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You are more worst.

    • KJM

      Aw yeah!!!

  • Tyree

    DAY DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      2 shots of 101 wild turkey ahead of you, tyree

    • Edward #negrod4eva
      • Tyree

        Got a new holy grail. Still has the price tag.

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          pics or it didn’t happen

          • Tyree

            Refresh duder.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            very nicely done tyree. you would respect the old lady’s pint glass collection. beard is lookin’ pretty nice too.

      • Tyree

        Love this movie by the way.

        • Edward #negrod4eva

          Want to hear something slightly embarrassing? I haven’t seen it. I was just looking for a sweet gif lol

          • Tyree

            Ha! It’s pretty fucking good. Depressing as hell but good.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Grind N’ Roll. Filthy Bastards! Album out in January
    https://m.soundcloud.com/unborngeneration/malebolge

  • James Gandolfini’s Heart

    TOILET OV HELL? MORE LIKE TOILET OV POSERS AHAH!!

    HIHI

  • CT-12

    Just saw this shit on my facebook feed, holy shit hahaha

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      CT, can I thank you for introducing me to Ghost Bath? Thank you.

      • CT-12

        Thanks man, that honestly puts a smile on my face knowing you enjoyed it.

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          I tried to get my RL buddies into it by explaining, “it sounds like American BM but with European depressive/suicidal BM vocals…. but from CHINA” and they were like “wtfs.” I won.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            When you told me they were from China I knew I had heard them before. They were covered on the net pretty recently.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            That and Woods of Desolation, and Saor, are three BM bands I never gave a chance before and am regretting it now.

          • CT-12

            I’m glad that a metal band from China is getting more attention; the scene there (only from what I’ve seen) is incredibly small and there aren’t many famous and/or up-and-comer metal bands from there.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Tengger Cavalry

          • CT-12

            Thanks for sharing!

      • I found them via Reddit, and I love them now

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple
    • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

      I’m not crazy. I’m perfectly normal. Look at me, do I look like a crazy man to you? DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU!?

  • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

    Say what you want. If you turn this up and it doesn’t get you hype, nothing will.
    http://youtu.be/wdaI7F3Jv5M

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      Mac Miller is pretty cool. I can get down with this.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      This is very bad, but not as bad as you 😉

  • Metaphysical Anus

    If anyone is still here, jam wit me.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aCzP7wN7y_0

  • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

    Well you guys, I have to work another 4 hours and all the sites I go comment on aren’t really posting. It really sucks because now I have to actually work instead of pretending like I’m bored. Also this is my 666th comment. I’d like to dedicate it to @James_Jimmy_McNulty:disqus and @metaphysicalanus:disqus

  • old_man_doom

    I know everyone here just fucking loves lists, so I’m wondering what are everybody’s most anticipated albums for next year(announced or rumored)? Mine:

    Ahab — They can do no wrong
    Cattle Decap — I hope they continue in the direction of Monolith with the “melodic” vocals.
    Enslaved — They can do no wrong.
    Turbid North — I need me sum more mountain metal, goddamnit!
    Nile — Again, they can do no wrong; I just hope this time around is a little catchier than Sethu.
    Zombi — Mark my words: 2015 will be the year of proggy synth-rock.

    I have complete faith that the new High On Fire is going to absolutely crush and I am predicting that new Tool will indeed be a thing… at least in terms of metal journalists saying, “NEW TOOL IMMINENT.”

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      I can’t wait for Napalm Death’s new release, Cattle Decap, Enslaved, and PLEASE GIVE ME TOOL

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        I also forgot to include Lamb of God.

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        Cattle Decap interests me too. So does new Sylosis

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Hello Jack!

        • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

          Man I forgot Sylosis, that’s an intriguing one

        • old_man_doom

          It seems like quite a few people are looking forward to CD. I just really enjoyed every aspect of Monolith: the art, lyrical content, production, weirder/catchier songwriting. I hope they go back to Dave Otero for the mix.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Let’s also admire how incredible Travis is as a vocalist. I’ll be seeing them January 6th and I couldn’t be anymore excited

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I think Masterpants and Two Rivers have pointed out a new Blind Guardian in our future too.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Enslaved, Napalm Death, Archgoat, Solefald, Negura Bunget and A Forest of Stars is me waiting for.

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      New:

      Liturgy
      Abigail Williams
      Thrawsunblat
      Thou & The Body split (i’ll write a review if my 12″ gets here before the record drops)

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Yeas,new Liturgy would tickle my rectum nicely.

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          Thanks to CT, I’m now looking forward to new Ghost Bath in march. I imagine we’ll see new releases from Deafheaven (end year), Amon Amarth, maybe some new Ihsahn (could be 2016)

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How could anyone that is sane want another Amon Amarth album? Yawn

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            They’ll just make the same album for the millionth time.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            It will still be better than most of the other DM albums.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’ll see them live regardless. They do a great job and usually bring good support

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Making predictions: perhaps another Gris album, a new release from Dekadent would tickle my balls. So would a new Drudkh album.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Perhaps a new Necrophagist album?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            It will suck.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Like the other two they made?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            “look at me, i’m german”

          • Metaphysical Anus

            This joke is 2deep4me

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Ohhhhh. I’d like that.

          • Lacertilian

            lol

          • Ayawn Amarth! (am i doing it right?)

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            Ihsahn would be fantastic 🙂

          • old_man_doom

            Absolutely. I’m a huge Ihsahn fan, but I was not totally enthralled by his latest album. Still stoked for new stuff regardless.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            new album grew on me. expect something even more eclectic, not towards bm. more post-

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’m all for some post metal. He usually does good work since he’s a really creative guy. Apparently Matt Heafy of Trivium has a black metal project produced by Ihsahn. I think it could actually be decent.

          • old_man_doom

            I did read that he considers Das Seelenbrechen an album that was necessary to “purge” some ideas. I think he’ll be headed back to eremita-style songs.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            just imo, he wont ever make anything as good as After. in one of those island/5cd situations, that would be one of them. the sax/rhythm leitmotif. Its a masterpiece.

          • old_man_doom

            Backed hard.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            It’s not quite Emperor, but it’ll do.

      • Edward #negrod4eva

        I want to read that review.

      • old_man_doom

        I had no idea Abby Williams was working on a new album. Which genre will they play now? (I kid. I thought “Becoming” was excellent.)

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          They released 2 demo tracks (shittily recorded). Expect more Becoming-era.

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      I love lists.

      Cattle Decapitation

      Napalm Death

      The Body / Thou (!!!!!!!!!)

      Swarrrm

      Psalm Zero (possible 2015 release) (!!!!!!!!!)

      Sannhet (!!!!!!!!!)

      Uh…

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Damnit. I forgot to put Cattle Decapitation and Napalm Death on my list of most hyped 2015 releases!

    • FeelTheDarkness

      I love lists too:
      Bread
      Milk
      Butter
      Cereal
      Vegetables
      Steaks
      Frozen Freedom fries
      Cat food
      Cat litter (the kind Danzig uses)
      AA batteries

      I hope I don’t forget anything and the wife gets mad.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Freedom fries?

      • old_man_doom

        Frozen fries are the worst.

        • FeelTheDarkness

          Not when you got a sweet deep fryer.

          • old_man_doom

            SIQQ

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        danzig uses shitty cat litter. arm&hammer or die.

        • FeelTheDarkness

          I use Tidy Cat and my cats have no problem crapping in it

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            FTD, join the arm & hammer revolution. you’ll spend about a dollar more but reap the rewards.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          Fresh Step is the only kitty litter.

          • you got cats, bruh?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I have three cats. Their names are Mittens, Olivia and Mama. I saved them from the side of the road.

          • Cool beams mothafucka! Post pics plz

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’ll try to get photos of them and put them here and on the group. I think people will like how adorable they are.

      • Lacertilian

        This Milk is the one you need right?

        https://bummerkc.bandcamp.com/

    • JWG

      Too right about Ahab, CD, Enslaved, and Nile.

      I’m not really that familiar with the others but I think I will take your recommendation here to heart and explore some back-catalogues.

      I’d add the following (in order, even)
      – Napalm Death
      – Melechesh
      – Moonspell

      I’d also read something about planned albums by Ensiferum and Kamelot that I look forward to (though with a bit less enthusiasm).

      • old_man_doom

        If you enjoy Mastodon-style sludge and prog with death metal, featuring Native American-esque melodies and grizzly bear attack brutality, then you might like Turbid North. Their “Orogeny” album is solidly in my top albums of all time list. Zombi is synth-driven rock that recalls 80s scifi/horror film scores. Check ’em out if that tickles your pickle.

        • JWG

          So ‘Zombi’ is a Fulci reference in more ways than one. I’m definitely interested.

          • old_man_doom

            Yessir

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        A new Moonsorrow would tickle my jimmies too. New Ensiferum sounds sexy, as well.

        • JWG

          I just hope they don’t decide to turn a perfectly decent EP-length release into a full album by tacking on a meandering way-way-too-long filler track, like last time.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            as far as varangian battle metal goes, ensiferum has my vote. filler or not.

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        I forgot about Moonspell. I wonder about My Dying Bride also.

    • Sylosis
      Cattle Decap
      Faith No More
      Napalm Death
      Hopefully we get new releases from Dying Fetus, Testament, Kreator, Hate Eternal, King Diamond, Deftones, Immolation, Nile, and Atheist too.
      And maybe but not likely Cephalic Carnage, and Vital Remains.

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        There wont ever be a new Vital Remains. Did they get back together?

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I thought that they’ve been talking about a new album

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Mannnnnnnnnnnn I’m excited. “Hammer down the nails” is one of my favs. I’ve seen them so many times. I have an old ass beat up tshirt with their logo and “old school death metal” on the back. I rock it for trve.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            They’ve been extremely meh after Forever Underground. Getting Strawberry Cupcake (also know as Glen Benton) was a bad choice.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            if that dude doesn’t know whats up, i donno who does.

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        Totally forgot about Faith No More. That’ll be nice

        • Wasn’t a fan of the song “Motherfucker” . But their is so much talent in that band that I find it hard to believe they would release something that completely sucks.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I liked it. It just wasn’t amazing.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          I would rather take a new Fantomas album.
          You hear me Patton? Get to it.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I totally 100% agree with this statement

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Inside me there still lives a small hopeless dream of a new Mr. Bungle album.

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I’m sure Fantomas is more likely. It should happen since Lombardo isn’t doing shit

          • he’s doing Philm! they put out a decent record this year

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I haven’t listened to their release but I think I need to now

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            A new Bela Fleck or Vic Wooten album would sex my bass needs better

          • KJM

            Me too.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Me three

      • Lacertilian

        Gorod
        Psycroptic
        Ouroborus
        Probably get a Revocation EP with their release rate!
        Also, after speaking to Dan at the Revo/Psycroptic gig the other night he hinted that next year there might be another
        Artificial Brain release but don’t hold me to it. He only hinted upon my request for knowledge, possibly just to shut me up.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      My most anticipated albums are as follows

      UFO-A Conspiracy Of Stars
      WASP-Golgotha
      Dope-Blood Money Parts 1 and 2
      Iron Butterfly-TBA
      Deafheaven-TBA

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        at least JJD and I can agree on one thing: Deafheaven.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I’m so excited for it. I feel 4 of these releases will make my top 10 of 2015 list with such bands as Napalm Death and Cattle Decaptiation. The only band who probably won’t make it is Dope.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            If there is a new Gris album, it will be the best BM album of the year.

    • KJM

      Saturnalia Temple, the Phase IV soundtrack, and new Tool(if it happens).

    • is there a Nile rumor? this is the first i’ve heard of it; would make me SO happy

      • Scrimm

        I read recently that they were done touring and into working on new music.

        • Hey Scrimm…you ever thought about posting some demo material and charging “name your price”?

          • Scrimm

            Yeah I need to get on it. The project I’ve posted just needs a logo. I’ve just been focused on this new recording. I get to go lay down my last guitar track in a while. I will get on it though.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I have demo material from my former project Mr. In Your House 4. Here it is in all its name your price glory.

            https://blimpcrashinginmidair.bandcamp.com/album/duck-and-covers

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      1: Danzig
      2: Danzig covers
      3: Danzig covers Elvis
      4: Ash of Cedars (2 members of Rwake)
      5: Mouth of the Architect
      6: Mouth of the Architect live CD/ DVD
      7: Lord Dying
      8: A Forrest of Stars
      9: Withered
      10: Nails
      11: Harm’s Way
      12: Czar I am really looking forward to Czar
      13: Esoteric
      14: 40 Watt Sun
      15: Faith No More
      16: High on Fire
      17: Aldebaran
      18: Horseback
      19: Sumac
      This list is no no particular order besides memory.
      I hope these bands make new tunes:
      A Storm of Light, Batillus, Rwake, Yakuza, Bloosiest, Skeletonwitch, and Tool.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        I support the Danzig support! AND am excited to hear he is going to release something in 2015! I loved Deth Red Sabaoth!

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          At least 2 CDs and maybe the Elvis ep as well.

  • Metaphysical Anus
  • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

    I’ll celebrate by myself if you wont.
    http://youtu.be/DsQm_6I37ek

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      If Chance releases an album in 2015 it will be the best hip-hop album of the year.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      You celebrate with shitty music
      Luv u

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        If you can’t listen to this and feel that hip-hop can be legitimate, then I dont want to hang out. ill blast off with kjm and the others at xmas.
        http://youtu.be/N5c-NQlqbcQ

        • Metaphysical Anus

          There’s good hip-hop, but that is not that good. This on the other hand is
          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oYM4hA8psdY

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            *tightens doc martins*

          • Metaphysical Anus

            This is pretty good as well
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k8yKTuvRmPE

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            This is like vouching for Dr. Dre.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Don’t know who that is or what that means.

          • KJM

            NWA?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Dunno what that is

          • KJM

            Classic Hip Hop from the late 80s. ‘Fuck The Police’ is their most famous track.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            K. Were they the first hippity hoppers who were sexually attracted to cops?

          • KJM

            Don’t think they meant ‘fuck’ in the good way…

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            I’m fucking overruling Death tonight. Scrub, get with the Krampus spirit.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m sorry you feel that way. I will always love you.
            *jumps down a cliff*

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            *listens to abigail williams*
            *cries*

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You like AW? Why and how?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            America makes the best BM of this era. This is undeniable.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Worst opinion EVER! I don’t know if I can love you anymore.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Wolves in the Throne Room decided the future of black metal.

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Whatever, I didn’t even look at this img before posting. Finnland can’t make anything good except Nokia phones and Viking metal. Disregard anything this skeleton says.

          • and viivi avellan

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Why her?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            France is the home of best modern black metal, son.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Which bm band?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Deathspell Omega, Way To End and Blut Aus Nord just to name a few.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            *jacks off*

          • Metaphysical Anus
          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Bunk, dont make me get McNutty over here.

          • Scrimm

            Bull fucking shit.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Don’t swear, Billy

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC
          • KJM

            Indeed. The 80s-90s were a Golden Age for Hip Hop.

          • KJM

            Classic NWA is untouchable, along with ‘The Chronic’. Other than that? Meh.

        • Edward #negrod4eva

          Chance the Rapper is pretty decent.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            that song is from his first EP

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        “Wakin’ up in GRIND MODE,
        and sleepin’ in the GRIND HOUSE”

        gods, you are a scurg

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Scrug?
          I knew you actually believe in gods.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Eat krvmpus dikk, finn

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Someone is mad. Y iz u madz?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            *listens to Fallujah

          • Metaphysical Anus

            BOOOOOOOOOÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ

  • Guacamole Jim

    How sweet would it be to ride a dinosaur?

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      Frickin’ sweet Guac Jim. Small and fast or big and scary, either way.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Dude, imagine BLAOWing a motherfucker from the back of a dinosaur. Fuckin’ gangster.

        • Metaphysical Anus

          But what if the dinosaur realizes that you’re just using it? They will revolt, I say. The bourgeoisie will fall again and the red dinosaurs will reign!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Can a dinosaur know that it’s being used? Do terrible lizards dream?

    • Metaphysical Anus

      10/sweet, would ride again.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan
  • Malted Hate

    I’ve grown sick of that shithole called Metalsucks, so I’ve made the decision of relocate to the Toilet for decent metal discussions, sharing of bands one likes and all that nonsense.
    Praise the lord!

    • Metaphysical Anus

      You’re welcome here, friendo!

      • KJM

        I won’t do it this time.

    • great to have you!

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      Cheers.

    • Scrimm

      Good choice.

    • Lacertilian

      G’day Malted, who is this lord you are praising?
      I’m sure they’ll be dismissed or shat upon quite quickly.

      • Malted Hate

        Lord Satan of corse.
        Who do you thinking I was talking about, that silly little bitch Jesus?

        • Lacertilian

          Out of all the deities on offer, I prefer the Lord Noodle (or none).

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

          • Malted Hate

            Ah! for a second I though you where one of them Jesus Freaks!

            Praise the great pasta bowl in the sky!

          • Lacertilian

            Pastafarians unite.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      PRAISE THE BOWL! http://tinyurl.com/mcdyywp

  • KJM

    Have a very zzzzzzzz Christmas!!

    • Metaphysical Anus
      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        you guys are alright

        • Metaphysical Anus

          <3

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            merry krvmpus, scrubs

          • Metaphysical Anus

  • KJM

    Alright, who wants to float me the money for a plane ticket so I can see this show??

    http://www.songkick.com/concerts/22345623-saturnalia-temple-at-das-bach?utm_source=1471&utm_medium=partner

    • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

      if it comes halfway in between us we can go

      • KJM

        Well, last time Saturnalia Temple made it to The US, they played Cambridge which is the next city over so I’m not so worried about that.

        • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

          halfway between NC mountains and MA is wut tho? VA?

          • KJM

            More like Baltimore. Speaking of which, there was talk of people meeting up at MDF next year.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How many will return alive? Tune in next time for another riveting episode of Toilet Men.

          • KJM

            If I can endure the bus ride there and back, I’ll be ok. That’s probably my cheapest option.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            MDF 2015 isnt so appealing. Most sold out already

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You should go there, I’m not going there.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            because the government wont pay for your tix?!?!?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Nah, because I’m not stepping my beautiful foot on your scrubbish soil.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            just mad they sent all the best scientists to our beautiful soil.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            not really, mate. Thou has been rekt, now go swim in your urine.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            my urne has the protein your feeble bloodline needs to grow. your beard is that of a child, it will never prevail. -200 nat resists. wtfz you do wit dat?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I rub my nipples while listening to you whine. It’s quite arousing.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            *your body is slowly relieved of its hp (-8 per turn)
            *you are cursed

            *@metaphysicalanus:disqus loses 38hp per second
            *dies while trying to cast Int Spell

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            i dont even read your replies anymore, so i dont debase myself

          • KJM

            You are eaten by a Grue.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I remember when you were a cool and nice guy. What happened to you?

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            leveled up

          • Metaphysical Anus

            At least I don’t hate Karhu as much anymore.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            Bear-san is ok in my book. He doesn’t live in Helsinki, like you

          • Metaphysical Anus

            He lives near Helsinki, I don’t. I live more north.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            where you live is like a spring morning in the cold appalachian frost

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Just stop trying to seem tough

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            i’m the one who goes to sleep eating cookie cakes and whole milk, scrug

          • Metaphysical Anus
          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            i give up

          • KJM

            I’d only go for one day, Saturday by the looks of it. Tix are still available for the main lot and Ram’s Head.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            you miss one to see another

          • KJM

            Ufomammut are there on Thursday, and Triptykon are there on Saturday.
            -___-

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            the every-day passes were like 200/ea

          • KJM

            I just checked out prices, about $95 for 2 out of 3 venues on Saturday, Soundstage is sold out all 3 days.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            its too much + travel. despite the good bands

          • KJM

            I would basically go because it’s something I haven’t done(i.e. “because it’s there”). I’d be more likely to spend that money on an amp and pedals tho.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’d spend my money on vinyl because I love vinyl. Have you ever heard this song?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWk59MoYOeI

          • KJM

            I’ll probably get a 10-12W Orange amp, a Fulltone Clyde pedal, and an Electro-Harmonix Muff Fuzz. If I buy that stuff I’ll have to spend more time practicing or else I won’t be able to live with myself.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I want to buy a lot of vinyl. There’s an indoor flea market near me that has two very good vinyl sellers that sell vinyl for cheap.

          • KJM

            The Greyhound station is only a couple of miles from the main venues. This is looking fairly easy should I choose to do so. I’ll see what others are doing though, don’t want to be the only one going on a particular day.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            thats a 6+ hr drive bro

          • KJM

            11 bus ride each way for me.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            we suck

          • KJM

            If the Osbournes hadn’t screwed up Ozzfest and Mayhem Fest didn’t suck 9 times out of 10, this wouldn’t be necessary.

            Also, I have NE Metal/Hardcore fest about an hour away, and I could care less most of the time because the lineups are so bad.

          • i was considering it for a while, then i saw ticket prices vs. bands that i really care about. but we definitely have to find a festival next year that we can all hit. maybe we’ll have TovH shirts by then!

  • KJM
  • NefariousDude

    Still checking out all these totes rad year end lists! ALL HAIL THE VOID FOR IT GRANTS US INFERNAL RIFFS AND VIDEOGAMES

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Who has the best list (plz say me)

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Mine is the best list. I don’t remember where it is though.

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        i dont claim mine to be the best. mine is devoid ov scrugs tho

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          My list is the choice of people everywhere.

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            i hate people everywhere

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love humanity. I love humanity so much.

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            You are wrong. Humanity is something that people may not like but it is something I have faith in.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Having faith in humanity, that’s a paddlin’
            You’re naive for having faith in humans.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I don’t care if I get paddled. Call me naive but I love people.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That’s gonna bite you in your arse sooner or later.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            There are people I hate though. I despise Mike Love and his current version of The Beach Boys because they suck royally.

          • Lacertilian

            Naive.

          • …Ellipsis…

            What?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Yes

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            they cant all see your genius

          • Metaphysical Anus

            *geniuninanus

          • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

            you will have aids

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

          • KJM

            We’re a “virus w/shoes” [/BillHicks]

          • Lacertilian

            Was about to post this after seeing the Anus’ post.
            Thanks KJM, always there for the ‘greater good’.

    • KJM

      You could OD just looking at mine.

      • NefariousDude

        I fear too gaze into the void for long. It has been known to turn the most lifeloving of men into mere nerds

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I may hate the current Beach Boys but Pet Sounds is a masterpiece. How someone who went as insane as Brian Wilson made something as genius as that is beyond me. Also, this version of Smile is as close to God as most people will ever get while on this earth.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-zve4GqQhg

    • KJM

      Many great artists were insane to various extents.

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        Not many were as crazy as Brian Wilson though. The only one who was crazier than him that I can think of was Syd Barrett.

        • KJM

          I’m not just thinking of music but, if I was, I could also say Roky Erickson and Bobby Liebling. Have you ever seen ‘Last days Here’?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            How did I forget them? They were certifiably bonkers.

          • Yep! He was way off the fucking rails at the start of that movie!

        • KJM

          Also, Peter Steele spent a lot of time in Bellevue Hospital and Rikers Island for beating the crap out of his ex’s current boyfriend, I’d say that rivals Barrett and Wilson for craziness.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            A lot of great musicians are crazy it appears.

          • KJM

            Pete also did rehab time for drugs/alcohol as well.

          • Peter was actually a pretty nice guy when I met him (I was interviewing Moonspell and bumped into him).

          • KJM

            Many people have said the same.

        • Well, there’s Phil Spector……………..

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Nick Blinko from Rudimentary Peni was 100% batshit crazy that they wrote a book about it.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Whatever happened to Negrodamus? You know the dude with the Death Grips avatar?

    • KJM

      He has morphed into Edward. He’s here.

      • BLVKKBEVRD, VTHEISTIC VGNOSTIC

        whoa flashback

    • Lacertilian

      He’s still here…
      @disqus_4E0xQtrX2p:disqus

    • I’m wondering what happened to Link Leonheart. He’s still on FB, but haven’t seen him on here for a while.

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      These guys are right, it’s me!

      I turned into a real person then turned into what I am now.

  • KJM
  • Lacertilian

    @masterlordsteeldragon:disqus although simple, that shark w/ santa hat is great.
    Also, looking forward to Tortoise vs Cat cage match 2015, i’ll be doing some Mac Karate of my own in the tortoise’s corner.
    #TeamTortoise

  • Lacertilian

    This is for you snow dwelling northern hemisphere types.
    May you score lots of unwanted gifts, eat too much rancid meat & drink the poison of your choice until you violently expel it from your various orifices.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    captive enthroned queen of the night
    –as witnessed by all on earth

    the devil’s bride— beauty that made satan leave hell—-and
    that he took from the earth
    forcibly

    the onetime that it isnt just “a story”
    ———
    life–and it’s meanings beyond—-
    the parameters of “reality”
    ————
    1st vid-muted
    2nd vid 50%vol
    3rd vid 100% vol

    http://youtu.be/opnCCwpeeuU

    http://youtu.be/geLR_0_mLYM

    http://youtu.be/4lazdg-eqmQ

  • KJM

    Pretty warm for Christmas Eve here in the Bahstahn area, about 60F today and tomorrow.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Nice

      • KJM

        I’m digging it, not a Winter person at all.

        • FeelTheDarkness

          Me either. That’s why I left Pennsylvania. Fuck inches and feet of snow.

          • KJM

            Fortunately it would seem Massachusetts Winter has been cut down to about 2-3 months this time around, no snow at all until New Year’s Eve. Hopefully it’ll be all said and done by March.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Elite

      Forty-four with rain and fog in the Poconos. It’s Agalloch sort of weather.

      • KJM

        Oh, we’re getting lots of wind and rain as well.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I thought of the prog supergroup to end all prog supergroups.

    Drummer-Andy Ward, Bill Bruford
    Singers-Andrew Latimer, Ian Anderson
    Keyboards-Kerry Minear, Hugh Banton
    Guitars-Robert Fripp
    Bass-John Wetton

    • KJM

      I’ve already seen 2 Prog Supergroups,

      Yes 1991 Union tour
      Bill Bruford & Alan White – Drums, Percussion
      Rick Wakeman & Tony Kaye – Keyboards
      Steve Howe & Trevor Rabin – Guitars
      Jon Anderson – Vocals
      Chris Squire – Bass

      King Crimson 1995 tour
      Adrian Belew – Guitar, Vocals
      Robert Fripp – Guitar
      Trey Gunn – Bass
      Tony Levin – Bass played with freakin long ass stick fingers
      Bill Bruford & Pat Mastellotto(sp?) – Drums

      So I’m cool with that, thanks ^_^

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan

        The Union concept was perfect but the execution was awful. I cannot badmouth King Crimson though because they’re so good.

        • KJM

          The Union tour was great. I didn’t care about the actual album.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I wasn’t alive for it but it came near me.

          • KJM

            Here’s some video of the show I was at. Hooray for Youtube!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_EWHJc0ELY

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love Youtube. Also, my friend’s band is opening for a late 90’s alternative rock band called Tantric. Should I go? I hear they’re good live.

          • KJM

            Why not? Something to do as opposed to nothing.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            You have a point. Even though my friend’s band sucks I’ll go see them because I like Tantric.