Happy Holidays from the Toilet ov Hell

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Dear friends, we here at the Toilet wish you the very best today. Enjoy your time with friends and family. Reflect on all the good that has transpired this year. Be grateful.

However, we know that most of you consumer whores are going to be thoroughly disappointed in any gifts you’re given, so here’s a little something from us to you. Please enjoy a download of A Fleshpatty Christmas by Corned Beef Grindwich. It’s violent, deranged, and filthy, just like you. It’s the perfect gift and you know it. No need to thank us. We do this because we love you.

However, since it is better to give than to receive, share with us your best holiday horrors in the comments below.

Once again, happy holidays from the Toilet ov Hell.

(Photo VIA)

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  • VVorld Peace

    Here’s a little Christmas cheer from Hoth. Happy holidays, folks.

    https://hothmusic.bandcamp.com/track/god-rest-ye-merry-gentlemen

  • It’s just what I wanted!

  • Eh, it’s just like any other day for me. Unless I got what I truly wanted for Christmas:

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WUXPbrpVcik/TO5zrWCx-PI/AAAAAAAAAGA/LRwm_98bPxw/s1600/artworks-000003229414-u1sg1n-original.jpg

  • Oh, and also wanted this for Christmas, but probably no one will get for me (Nyeah!):

    http://i.imgur.com/YooIVcZ.jpg

  • Edward #negrod4eva

    Merry Christmas everyone. Hope your holiday is safe, fun, filled with family and violent blasting dissonant music.

    Here is to Toilet Ov Hell superstardom in 2015.

    • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

      I predict that ToH will be bigger than Metalsucks and Pitchfork combined within a year. I can feel it.

      • Edward #negrod4eva

        … that’s pretty big. I want to see it happen.

        • KJM

          Toilet Ov Hell Festival with bands that don’t suck!!

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            We should call it: “Festival with bands that don’t suck”.

          • KJM

            As long as I get to help pick the bands for Stoner/Doom day.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            You can be the shady looking guy selling weed in the corner.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            can be … ?

          • KJM

            Nah, I’m usually the shady guy smoking weed in the corner…

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            The “Bands that suck but bands we pretend to like anyway” TOH Festival better be a smoke-friendly venue.

          • KJM

            Outdoors if possible.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’m sure it will be. My white noise project should open a sidestage headlined by my guitar project. There will be songs played with extended 15 minute solos.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            Smoking weed in the corner while selling crack and cocaine. It’s probably a better idea to just stick to weed, to not scare off our parents.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            My parents are higher than fuck right now, I can guarantee that.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            High on euphoria from all the Atheism.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Most of my family are pretty firm believers, as it were. Ugh. Ew.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Have you preached the word of Dawkins to them?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            They’ve heard me talk like that since i was a boy, they dont need any more talkings-to.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            And they haven’t converted? I guess you need to convert them with a sword,

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword” Matthew 10:34

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Wait a minute…. That’s from Teh Bibel. THOU ART A POSER!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I’m secretly an evangelist preacher with the latter day saints’ church, come to infiltrate this blasphemous community of heretics and deliver you unto the word of our lord.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I think a jolly game of “lynch the believer” would be in place.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            WHOA WHOA WHOA

            jk

          • KJM

            I give this comment 5/5 Auto Da fes

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I give this rating 5/5 crusty anuses.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I give @metaphysicalanus:disqus’s rating 4/5 picards.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I haven’t seen a single episode of star trek

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            GET OUT NOW

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’ve always been out.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            *ENRAGES
            *SUMMONS 3 RAGING WEED ELEMENTALS
            *CASTS DEBILITATING SMOKE CLOUD @metaphysicalanus:disqus

            /1shot kill

          • Metaphysical Anus

            One can’t kill The Anus.

          • I’ve seen some porno that could easily prove that wrong!

          • KJM
          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I thought that album was much better than their newest.

          • KJM

            As with many things, I was the right age at the right time to be a huge fan, especially the original show.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You would.

          • KJM

            I would, and still do once in a great while.

          • Lacertilian

            I just got into it a year or so ago.
            TNG is tops.

          • This needs to be the rating system for everything.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            4/20 Bong hitz

          • JWG

            There are FOUR Picards!
            *ZAP*
            …How many do you see now?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            THERE ARE FOUR PICARRRRRRRRRDDS

          • Metaphysical Anus

            So I still haven’t seen star trek, but I watched something that is related to it and possibly better (refresh for image)

          • OldMetalHead

            As long as you bring some ripping tunes when your peddling your bullshit door to door, I might even let you in.

          • KJM

            Teh Babble

          • KJM

            Nah, I don’t want to get the ToH fest shut down in it’s 1st year. Just weed, thanks.

          • Metaphysical Anus
          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            dis is good

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Me knows.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Question: There’s a southern rock/BBQ ribs festival going about an hour and a half from me in June. Charlie Daniels Band, Marshall Tucker Band, Artimus Pyle band and more unannounced bands are going. Should I go to this rock/ribs festival?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Go to any event involving ribs, even if you aren’t in the trve sovth.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I probably will go. It’s a two day event and the tickets aren’t expensive.

          • KJM

            I’d go for Marshall Tucker.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’m probably going to go for Marshall Tucker Band and the Artimus Pyle Band. They haven’t announced the rest of the lineup yet but I’ll wait and see what happens.

          • Marshall tucker rules, dunno what his stuff is like nowadays though.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            As long as there is a day where I can book NWOBHM and classic rock bands I shall do my best to get good acts.

          • Scrimm

            With all the contributors bands as well. It’s ok if they suck.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            My band will play. It will be just a lightshow, with the tracks playing over the PA, and me torturing someone on stage.

          • Scrimm

            Sounds good.

          • KJM

            Oh , we’re gonna fly The Anus in from Finland for that…

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I love it when a plan comes together.

          • Scrimm

            10/10 would pay to see.

          • KJM

            Conan gets a front row seat. ^_^

          • Metaphysical Anus

            The Anus will resist.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            That’s what they all say.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You can’t find The Anus. It hides.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            What time of the year is that floating bro orgy in Helsinki, again?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m not sure (I don’t know about Helsinki’s events, unless it’s a good band that I can’t go see), maybe Karhu knows. It’s probably in summer.

          • KJM

            You see, when I say “fly you there” I really mean “hire a hit squad to kidnap you and fly you there”.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            Can that squad also pick me up from the Netherlands? No need to kidnap me I’ll go willingly.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Makes list, checks it twice.

          • KJM

            Oh, we’ll send a private jet for you.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How are you going to get the money for it?

          • KJM

            I’ll sell a few “t-shirts”, or win the lottery, whichever happens first.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I’m a pirate . . . I have a boat, guise.

          • KJM

            ToH Cruise!!

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            I’m sure you have a nice small rowboat

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void
          • Metaphysical Anus

            First time hearing this band. This is fucking horrible.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            My ‘Nu-metal phase’ was pretty short, I only listened to fuckloads of Coal Chamber and a bit of Mudvayne (who actually are quite great). Also System of a Down, but I don’t really consider that Nu-Metal.

          • Lacertilian

            did it drive you loco?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            What is your opinion on the band Lowell George of Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention formed after he was kicked out called Little Feat?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Dunno, haven’t heard it.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            You haven’t heard it? They’re a good group who play jazz fusion styled off of New Orleans and the South in general.

          • KJM

            Little Feat rip shit up.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            What’s your opinion on Roy Estrada?

          • KJM

            Oh damn, I didn’t know there was that kind of controversy around him. I’m not a Zappa expert.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Zappa has made music with weird guys

          • What’s your opinion on Eric Estrada?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Woh teh fukc?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            You mean Roy Estrada. He was good at what he did when he was in both The Mothers and Little Feat.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            He did not mean Roy Estrada.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I realized he was talking about the actor soon after I wrote that.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            He was in Little Feat for two albums. He left during the tour for the second album.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            He was in Mothers of Invention. He’s also a pedophile.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Damnit. I liked his work in Little Feat which was after he left The Mothers of Invention. Fuck that guy.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            They sure do. Waiting For Columbus is an amazing live album.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Bring me wooden shoes, plz?

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            I’ve never seen anybody actually walk on those.

          • KJM

            Start a new ironic fashion trend and a form of Metal to go along with it: ClogCore.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Do not question The Anus!

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            Nobody in here cares about wooden shoes. We only argue about Zwarte Piet. ALL DAY.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I CARE ABOUT WOODEN SHOES

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            YOU CAN SHOVE THOSE WOODEN SHOES UP YOUR ASS.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            THAT’S BEEN MY INTENTION, BUT IT’S PRETTY FUCKING HARD WHEN YOU WON’T BRING THEM, YOU DUTCH FUCKSTICK

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            No.

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            Have a sticker

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I can’t shove it up me arse, but I’ll take it.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Hubert, have this, you deserve it:

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Am I the only one without a sticker to give?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            How is your MS Paint game?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Absolute shi

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Then you can make a sticker.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            How much does this M(etal)S(ucks) paint cost?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            microsoft paint is default img editing program in windows.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Sounds expensive. I just bought google for myself a week ago.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS
          • Metaphysical Anus

            Not the whole google, but a google search engine. I managed to buy the last one avaible. The lines were huge.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            gj, i’m proud of you.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Thanks sis.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            i will murder you

          • Metaphysical Anus

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            What were you going to transform into for xmas?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            It’s a secret that may come true tomorrow. It may or may not have something to do with our second favourite Finn, Nordling Rites.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            Thanks. the feels radiating from the sticker make me feel feels.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Well i can’t give you two stickers in one day! So, *drunken ozzy voice* no more feels

          • OldMetalHead

            I saw a guy gardening in them when I was there last.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            They have to find me first. You have no knowledge of my location.

          • I’d get to horrify everyone with my screechy power metal vocals. The joy that would be had that day.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Except for the other dragonsexuals.

          • I might sound too bad, even for them. I attempt a falsetto in the vein of King Diamond but since I am not a trained singer and have no clue how to sing or scream/growl properly, I start sounding more out of tune and screechy the more I sing.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            Just start actually screeching and join a black metal band.

          • I’d say that my black metal rasp is probably my best form of extreme vocals. I can do a passable growl but it sound like a growl you would hear in a brutal death metal band which I am not really a fan ov. I don’t need to fulfill the stereotype of being the fat BDM vocalist.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Start an ironic brutal death metal band.

          • I guess I could do that. I’ve already got two ironic power metal band, ironic boy band, ironic pop punk band, and ironic (more making fun of) djent band. I also did an rap album about a year ago in which I just made fun of rap.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Is it on the internet? I wantz it

          • Which one?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            The rap album.

          • ‘Tis not. I had to remove because I used the beats without the maker’s permission. They threatened me with a lawsuit and I didn’t feel like dealing with that shit when I don’t even have a reliable job.

          • I still have it on one of my old computers. I have to take my old one and wipe it because my friend wants to buy it. I’ll see if it is on there and discretely upload it to dropbox or something and send you the link.

          • J.R.

            I definitely know what youre talking about. Working on a Progressive/Melodeth/whocaresit’sheavyasballs thing with some bros, and the my love of Black Metal has not suited my rasp for what the project calls for. Need that guttural gut scream from the guts

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            We could invite all the bands that Christian likes that don’t exist. We’d just have to sent empty e – mails to nonexistent e – mail addresses.

          • JJD’s white noise project on sidestage

          • Scrimm

            That would be…. interesting. Where do me and my goons get to play?

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            We will each have our own stage. I will play on the roof of a nearby building, with projectors on the building’s face.

          • BDubs tent

          • Scrimm

            PERFECT

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I want

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’d do that. I think that I could do much better live than in studio and with the live show I have thought up this project will shock people more than Iggy Pop did the first time he performed.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            That is a grand goal. Iggy Pop is the man and he STILL brings it!

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            http://plaguedogs.bandcamp.com

            Can these guys play? I reckon they would slay live!

      • Metal Sucks is the Westboro Baptist Church of metal forums nowadays.
        The Toilet beat them ages ago, and TOH beating them at this point would be like Pele kicking a petrified terd.

      • I’d actually propose parties like Fark.com does, where people arrange parties with other Toileteers around their area.

    • Mother Shabubu III

      One thing I hope 2015 teaches people is that pieces of shit come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but they all the get flushed down the turlet…or ejected out violently into plastic bags at rest stops while a hooker watches.

      Well…I went for a clever, noble statement comparing people to poop, but it ended with that. I tried.

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    I wish everyone a SKRONKINGLY good Christmas and an excellent new year. http://youtube.com/watch?v=oAYDRUTWplA

  • Metaphysical Anus

    God fucking dammit disqus! My christmas transformation is ruined because changing avatar on mobile is impossible. Fucking fuck!

    • KJM

      Technically you have until January 5th so it’s okay.

    • Scrimm

      This has been the highlight of my morning.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Good Thursday for all thee latelivers.

  • KJM

    Looking forward to the Doctor Who Christmas Special later.

  • KJM

    ^_^

  • Stockhausen

    LVTTLE DRVMMVR BVY
    http://youtu.be/FsvdMvJG0Vs

  • Guest
  • FeelTheDarkness
  • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

    Happy xmas, my favorite scrugs

  • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

    dat new Cowards will be on my AOTY list in 2015. #AOYTPREDICTIONS (it is already available via their bandcamp at NYP)
    http://youtu.be/0sZkTuZQoxU

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Vicious! This shit is awesome.

  • Akercocke ov Steele

    May the God-Emperor protect us all from foul xenos and daemons alike this Festivus.

  • Oh, and happy Alvis Time to everyone!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojWR6nR9ThY

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Merry Christmas yall! Have a fun, safe holiday with family and friends or whatever it is you do on this day. This nipple is grateful for many things, including this here blog community of music nerds we affectionately call The Toilet. Peace, Love and Void from your favorite nipple <3

    #ToHXmas2014

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWZ9MBQPG6E

  • Guacamole Jim

    *talking to mom*
    *casually reference Skronk*
    “SKRONK??”
    /ruined by the Toilet forever.jpg

  • Metaphysical Anus
    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      i honestly found this a little hard to get down with. i give it 2.5/5 picards

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Try some of their easier albums. I’ve heard few people say that this isn’t the best place to start.

  • B00mhauer

    Merry Christmas y’all. Hope it’s as fun and family-filled as mine. And tonight, after all the festivities – CHRISTMAS ALE AND OLD SCHOOL THRASH. BANG YOUR FUCKING HEAD

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      Will Metal Health drive you mad?

  • Metaphysical Anus

    It’s so quiet here. I am a lonely man.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gDVpGqjOLlE

    • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

      I’ve been home along with the animals all day. I’ll finally get to do something when the old lady gets home and we go to Festivus party!

      Here you go, m8 (even though you say you h8 them, it is impossible to h8 this song):
      http://youtu.be/4lmjAgPAc0U

      • Metaphysical Anus

        When did I say that I hate them? You’re confusing me with Nordling Rites Ov Poser.

        • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

          Oh, maybe you’re correct. sorry m8. enjoy it anyway

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I feel oppressed. I must go to tumblr and write a blog post about you oppressing me.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I thought we were an autonomous collective!?

          • Metaphysical Anus

            There is no place for Month Python here, you cis scum. This is a serious matter.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            I’ll play this sad song about it:
            http://youtu.be/lNn-rPXAybQ

          • Metaphysical Anus

            This sounds pretty good. 8/10 would IGN again.

          • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

            mrry xmvs, you grinch.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Happy birthday of Mithra to you as well, sis.

          • KJM

            DINSDALE!!!

          • Metaphysical Anus

  • Sadistikexekution

    I ate so much my toilet will feel like Hell tomorrow.
    Merry xmas btw, may Satan Claus bring you a bottle of whiskey if you’re a man, or an oversize dildo if you’re a chikk or danielp.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Wait, you come around these parts these days?

      • Sadistikexekution

        I still need my daily negativity.

    • Lacertilian

      Got a gift pack of Glenmorangie (my house whiskey), a 16 y/o Lagavulin (reserve) & a 12 y/o Chivas Regal (meh, one for the visitors).

      • Sadistikexekution

        Glenmorangie and Lagavulin are 2 of my regulars.

        • Lacertilian

          The Lagavulin has quickly overtaken Ardbeg as my top Islay.

          A friend went overseas and left me this nice Tobermory too..hard to resist it.

          • Sadistikexekution

            Aberlour 18 y and Jura are 2 favorites of mine.

          • Lacertilian

            Only tried them once, but I don’t think it was an 18 Aberlour & it was the Jura Superstition.
            I’ll be getting one of them next now.

  • And how the hell are we forgetting this one?!?!?!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y5GtaTrPHM

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Hands down the best song called “christmas” EVER. There is no arguing about it.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VKc-GtnF7HU

  • Mother Shabubu III

    I may have stone hands, but at least they will be stone hands inside of filthy mitts.

    MERRY TECHNICALLY-ISN’T-JEEBUS’-BIRTHDAY-BUT-A-GREAT-GIMMICK-TO-BUY-AND-GET-COOL-SHIT DAY TO ALL! AND A BELATED FESTIVUS!

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Happy natalis invicti, guy-who-I-thought-had-died-but-acutally-didn’t-die

  • RustyShackleford

    Been so dang busy haven’t gotten to post anything here or on the FB in awhile. Merry Xmas y’all filthy motherfuckers! Happy to have discovered this awesome community. Yep!

    • VVorld Peace

      Byah!

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    whore wives of the satanic winter king—worldwide tv gathering—hostility
    —-
    both at the same time (full vol)
    http://youtu.be/sqfIHlap7G8

    http://youtu.be/hjyqpxkKJCM

  • Guest

    And for some Christmas cheer!

    http://i.minus.com/iddpx4O7iITrh.gif

  • And for some Christmas cheer, a GIF courtesy of Best Korea!

    http://i.minus.com/iddpx4O7iITrh.gif

  • BLVKKBEVRD OV KRVMPVS DVWKINS

    You all fucking fail. If you haven’t heard about this video, then you are a huge scrub because I got to see it first. Merry Christmas.

    http://youtu.be/8SHNP0n0O1U

    5/5 picards.

    • KJM

      Pat suffers greatly for our amusement.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    dawn of joy—heavy metal—-and truth—-
    “fuck you” as mantra —for world peace
    all 3 at once–full vol
    http://youtu.be/-kH8yX2UWKU

    http://youtu.be/btPJPFnesV4

    http://youtu.be/FZluzt3H6tk

  • CT-12

    Merry belated Christmas, hope it was a good one for everybody!

  • Tyree

    Christmas happened? Glad I fucking missed it. Hope you all had a good holiday though 🙂