Happy Beasterday!

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Ah, Easter.  A truly magical time where we all get to celebrate the resurrection of our lord and savior as a giant rabbit man who lays eggs that will immediately rapture those who discover them hidden within the bushes… or something. Look, Easter has many different meanings to many different people, but one thing I think we can agree upon about this holiday is that it is criminally underrepresented in the wonderful horror subgenre of “holiday themed slashers.” Saint Patrick’s Day is represented better and all it has to show are the Leprechaun movies! Thankfully, someone out there is doing God’s work (ba-dum-tiss!) and giving us a rabbit themed murder opus: Beasterday

Judging by the description the plot is exactly the same as Jaws, just like every giant, killer animal movie that’s ever been filmed post-Jaws. I was initially excited to write about this movie because it looks absolutely atrocious, has a stellar tagline (Here Comes Peter Cottonhell!!!) and was available for free on Netflix. As my eternal lack of luck would have it, some cruel and power mad Netflix honcho decided to pull the movie ONE DAY BEFORE EASTER. My excitement quickly devolved into mild agitation at the idea of being inconvenienced in such a minute manner. I have to pay $5 for that tagline now! Alas, I am dedicated to this task and to bringing you all joy in a post about a killer rabbit, so with many regrets I clicked the rent button and started my journey. Could these regrets get any regrettier? Let’s find out.

Not even five minutes into the movie and we have a handful of old ball jokes and our first fatality, all while our killer makes some terrible stock dragon noises off camera. If I were to venture a guess I would say that this movie has roughly 1/5 the budget of the SciFi channel classic Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy. This could be rough. The film quickly cuts to a guy who probably owns a couple of necropants as he dresses himself in this order: baseball hat, t-shirt, jeans and then stuffs his pants with roughly a dozen socks. I am already dumber for having watched this film. It has been 6 minutes.

After a brief discussion between a woman and her father about… something, the movie brings us to someone who was probably on Rock of Love as she prepares for her day… ONLY TO BE ATTACKED BY THE BEAST. Lay your eyes upon our fearsome foe as he stalks his prey:

IMG_2406

I had to make that extra large so you can appreciate all of the fine details of our murderous Easter Bunny. Please note the deer skull head and the chicken feet for front paws. Truly a jaw dropping force of sickening creativity. Wow. Amazing.

After a really strange dog catcher meeting where Necropants gets supremely jealous that his streak of “Dog Catcher of the Year” awards has come to an end, our beaster bunny steals several dozen carrots from a very busty lady before tearing her top off and chasing her solely so this movie can have naked, bouncing breasts. Obviously the entire point of this sequence is to have men focused on this young lady’s breasts, but I am much too distraught over the fact that our villain looks NOTHING like the cover of this movie promised he would. I have been lied to and it hurts. It hurts so bad. we continue on to some other pointless conversation between father and daughter that is only memorable for this golden bit of dialogue: “Daddy, I’m an artist! I’m a flower and I need you to water me with your wallet!” The next time you need money from your parents bust out this line. If it doesn’t work then Beasterday will give you your $5 back. You can’t lose!

I really thought we were at the tail end of the movie and that the father and daughter were going over all of the life lessons that we learned from this whole ordeal. No. We’re 20 minutes in and I have no idea why anything is happening. Why is this giant rabbit here? Why is Necropants such a creepy goon? IS IT EVEN EASTER? You have one hour to give me answers, Beasterday. You better deliver.

Nope. No answers. Just people skinny dipping IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS. Are we skinny dipping in poison ivy? In the middle of an ancient, fallen redwood? This movie is a far more confusing than Primer ever was. Our killer shows up again, this time not even cropped properly in frame as he kills our skinny dippers who never did manage to find any water at all. I think we might finally be getting to the story now as the mayor makes an appearance, only instead of being your typical mayor he’s every person who was rejected during casting for Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Someone please google that for me if this movie becomes the death of me. Thanks.

It’s been almost 20 minutes and I haven’t typed anything. I don’t really need to because this movie is the same 5 minutes repeating endlessly. Genital jokes are made, Necropants does something weird, there’s one line in regards to the story, then someone wanders into the woods and gets murdered by something that doesn’t look a rabbit at all. This movie would probably be awesome if it was 15 minutes long, but this is a life where fortune rarely smiles and we can never be granted what we wish for most. Maybe I should have chosen The Bunnyman Massacre…

Finally something new and unpredictable happens: The rabbit has laid an egg! It hatched! There are now two creatures that don’t look like rabbits! Can the budget possibly withstand the strain of two of these horribly imposed puppets? The answer to that is obviously “No. Are you high? No.” Look, I’m seriously running out of things to say here. This movie is painfully stupid, but a little bit better with alcohol. Is this why they don’t make any Easter horror movies? For fear that they all turn out like this? Well, at least Necropants finally put on his necropants so there’s that. For the sake of closure: They kill the beast by dressing Necropants up as a carrot to lure him into the city where he is gunned down by daughter with a shotgun. I guess there wasn’t a second rabbit? Or if there was he died offscreen and I missed it? Like everything else in this movie, I have no idea.

So what was the point of this? Well, obviously that your Easter could be so much worse. You could be wearing necropants, being assaulted by giant chicken bunnies or could have wasted $5 on a terrible, terrible movie. So go forth and enjoy your Easter, everyone! I hope it’s merry and spent away from work doing something you love, or that it is at least spent getting chocolate wasted and watching the scariest rabbit to ever grace a screen.

Is there an even worse Easter themed horror movie? Let me know in the comments so I can avoid it like the plague.

  • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

    Happy Easter everyone! For those that celebrate, what the hell are you doing on your phone in the middle of church service? For those that do not, what the hell are you doing up so early on a Sunday morning?

    • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

      didnt we have this discussion yesterday? none of us are slovenly enough to sleep in

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        Haha! Yes, I just thought it would be a fun thing to say.

        • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

          i also wanted to let anyone know that enjoys Oranssi Pazuzus new album, 20buck spin now has copies of Valonielu available https://www.20buckspin.com/collections/20bs-vinyl/products/oranssi-pazuzu-valonielu-lp

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            And decently priced

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            th real reason im up this early even on weekends is because the animals wake me up at the same time regardless of the day. it also allows me to get up and wakenbake with a keef blunt while listening to Emperor

          • Emperor:
            IT’S WHAT’S FOR BREAKFAST

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            With Strudels I Burn

          • I AM THE BLACK JUEVOS RANCHEROS

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Applesauce With The Waffles At Dusk
            Curse You All Eggs
            Towards The Pancakeon
            Thus Spake the Nutella

            Into The Infinity Of Toast
            Beyond The Great Vast Flapjacks

            The Ancient Quiche

            In the Curdless Chamber

            Night Of The Gravyless Souls

          • more beer

            Wake and bake everyday!

          • Brutalist_Receptacle

            THAT ORANSSI IS THE SHIT BRAH!

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            indeed

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            This is true.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      They changed the fucking clocks so we get one hour less in bed. Bastards.

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        They did that to us too.

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          It’s good to know that idiotic bureaucracy is worldwide.

    • There is an Easter church service going on not 300 feet away from where I am right now. I can see the parking lot from out my living room window now. They have no idea what blasphemous noise is happening right next door to them.

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        You blasphemous bastard you.

        • Haha, I just made one blasphemous PB&J Bro!

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            I’m curious to know, what makes it blasphemous?

          • Nothing.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Satan.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            That it’s made with Nutella instead of actual peanut butter. Now THAT’s blasphemy!

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            True!

          • brokensnow

            void butter.

          • more beer

            My ganja butter will most certainly leave you in the void.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            MR. BEER USE BUTTER???? ME ONLY EVER USE CANOLA OIL!!!!! CAME OUT GOOD!!!!!!!

          • more beer

            Using butter gives you more options as to what you can do with it. I usually make cookies with it. Most cookie recipes call for butter. But oil definitely for brownies.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            ME NEVER TRIED COOKIE!!!!!! BROWNIES SEEM DO TRICK EVEN WHEN BAKE WITH DIRT QUALITY DOPE!!!!!!!

          • more beer

            That is because the oils release all of the THC so even dirt weed works well. I use shake and the sugar leaves. It always comes out super potent. But I also don’t think I could get dirt quality weed where I live if I tried.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            HAVE GOTTEN SAMPLE FROM COLORADO ONCE!!!! WAS GOOD SHIT!!!!! COST LOTS ROCKS THOUGH!!!!!

          • more beer

            The prices are pretty low here.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I live up the road from a church.

        • Stanley

          Everyone does.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            lol

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I don’t. So far as I know, the nearest one is over 6 miles away.

          • Stanley

            Is there a road to it? Are you up the road?

          • more beer

            Maybe he is down the road from it.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            he DOES live in virginia. the possibility that there is no road exists

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, I’m in the city, not the sticks!

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            i got some friends around Pulaski, i like the mountainous part of Virginia, not the east. much like my own state

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Not familiar with Pulaski outside of the Pulaski in Chicago. :-p

          • more beer

            Not the part of Virginia he lives in.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Beer plz! I live in NY!

          • more beer

            I was talk about KJU not you.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Ain’t shit up the road but a couple of gas stations and a waffle house. Another 3 minute walk, though, is where you actually start getting into the city parts. My area’s pretty tucked away.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I have to walk up two rather long roads to get up to the main road, which is about a mile walk. The nearest church is about 4-5 miles from there. There’s a few religious places up around that way, including a center that hosts stuff for Christians, Jews and Muslims. I don’t think there’s a mosque here, but there’s quite a lot of Muslims in my neighborhood.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            i just found out the other day . . in addition to the weird Korean Methodist Church down the road from me, there is also a Korean BAPTIST Church down the road from me. WHERE ARE ALL THE AZN GIRLS AT

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            There’s a lot of those around here as well, but it’s pretty rare you see Asian chicks around here. Even with all the Asian marts and Newport News having a large exchange program with Japan.

          • more beer

            At church.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I will see my share of azn girls in May when I go to Shanghai, Wuhan and Hong Kong.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            i was playing ping pong in ding dang

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            BEEN SHITTING PANCAKES EVER SINCE?????????

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I live less than a mile away from the church near me. I could walk there in a few minutes

          • more beer

            But they are not all in his area.

      • Stanley

        I hope you’re playing this for them.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhXHIqKYmKs

      • more beer

        Churches make terrible neighbors I used to live across the street from one. Every Sunday they would wake me up early. Slamming their car doors and singing terrible songs. Now the cemetery across the other street there, were great neighbors. Always quiet and they never bothered anybody.

        • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

          safe to say cemeteries >>>>>>> churches

          • more beer

            Much greater!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Maybe a………………*puts on shades*…………..

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jeOXbQ7qQU

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            excellent

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Yo did you come to Finland? Someone burned a church yesterday.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            ¯_(ツ)_/¯

          • more beer

            Good work!

          • more beer

            Tapir stop playing with matches.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Did I do that?

          • more beer

            I don’t know, did you? But I don’t expect you to incriminate yourself online.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            The consequences would be severe. Finland would sentence him to 3 months in one of their infamous prison cells:

            http://lidislidis.blog.bg/photos/114269/original/vanlidis3.jpg

          • more beer

            That’s hard time there. But no matter how you break it down. Not having your freedom sucks. No matter what the cell looks like.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Beats the gulags we have over here though. Shit, that cell looks better than what I had in military school.

          • Óðinn

            What’s the punishment, a 14″ television screen?

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
    • Haha, I’m always up before 7 anymore. I’m getting old. Love the mornings anymore.

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        Same

    • Eliza

      Easter is in may for the Orthodox Church.

  • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

    Leif, you are a better man than I. That movie sounds atrocious.

    • Leif Bearikson

      I’ve screened a lot of horrible, amateur horror movies before and I’d place this one as slightly more watchable than Grimewave: Cockface III

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        That last one………. That, THAT!!!! sounds like something right up my alley!

        • Leif Bearikson

          I’ve had to watch two of them and they might legitimately be the worst, most groan inducing things I have ever seen.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Shit, I actually bought Rock N Roll Nightmare 2, which is extremely low budget and beyond awful (in a bad way, not in an Adam Sandler kinda way). First movie was a comedy masterpiece, the second was like having bamboo shoved under my eyelids.

        • Maik Beninton™

          You wood.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I’m made of wood?

  • Eliza

    Is The Bunnyman Massacre a real thing? Cause I would watch that.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
      • Eliza

        Holy shit.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Took me all of 5 seconds to find on Youtube. Enjoy! (also, you might wanna get a Youtube downloader in case you wanna watch it later, and without the freezes)

          • Eliza

            Good thing I have a YT dowloader.

  • more beer

    That is one big rat with huge teeth.

  • tigeraid
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Happy Easter! I’m celebrating by listening to Johnny Winter. His cover of Highway 61 Revisited is so fucking good. He makes Clapton’s guitar work look like my diarrhea after I ate a crapload of Mexican food.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Yup! Sadly, IIRC, he passed away last year. One of the all time blues greats.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      All roads lead to JJD’s poop.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        A yellow brick road painted by a tapir’s 10 foot urine spray.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I enjoy a few infamously terrible films, non ironic fan of Manos for instance. But 95 percent plus of deliberately zany micro-budgeters are just painful, and this looks pretty firmly in there. Will probably not be investigating for myself. Cheers for the amusing review. I’m pretty sure there’s a rural legend about an axe wielding maniac who wears a bunny suit, someone should make a film about that. Happy Easter all!!!

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • more beer

    The greatest Easter cartoon ever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU45qqXWgpM

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Perfect for Easter family viewing: Jesus killing zombies with fish and loaves of bread.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY

    • more beer

      Cumming soon Fisted by Jesus!

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        That’ll be coming soon to an upcoming article: Cradle Of Filth Shirt Stains

        • more beer

          I would wear that shirt. As long as it was made by anyone but CoF.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Linkin Park?

          • more beer

            Touche. So maybe that was too broad a statement.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Well, joke’s on me actually. At least CoF’s still an actual metal band.

          • more beer

            As far as Hester Kukk’s opinion goes. They are the only metal band.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Along with Cattle Decapitation and Watain.

          • more beer

            True. But you know his metal credibility is impeccable.Says him.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            That’s just The Cuck haha. Now I know he just says a lot of crap just to piss people off, he gets a chuckle out of me every now and then.

          • more beer

            I laugh at him often. But man he has horrible taste. Plus he is 5 beers short of a six pack.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’ve often wondered about him, either:

            a) he really has a peculiar taste and he really isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.

            b) his behavior is just all a shtick

          • more beer

            After years of reading his comments I am picking A.

          • Óðinn

            c) he’s an idiot ✔

          • more beer

            d) all of the above.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Who is he?

          • more beer

            An MS troll.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            No wonder I wouldn’t know, then, lol. From the stuff I’ve read recently, it seems to be on it’s way out, or near to it.

          • more beer

            One can only hope.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            But that’ll mean the trolls will, and probably already are, drifting somewhere else. Hopefully it’s not here, even though it is fun watching Joe and everyone else tear down the trolls that do come here (which is very rare).

          • more beer

            I think many of them know. The community here won’t have that shit and tear them apart.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And Joe is brutally swift with the ban hammer when it comes to that shit. And it’s not like TMZ, where you get banned, simply switch user names and you’re back. Once you’re banned, you’re banned.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            There’s at least one guy I really wouldn’t want to see appear here.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Wow, they still got no shame in stealing other people’s headlines. Most of them are from Blabbermouth, and the Mastodon Lemmy tattoo one was lifted almost word for word from a TMZ article earlier this week.

            I don’t think I’d want to see anyone from there come over here, besides Conan and that guest interviewer they had that did the Krisiun interview and a ton of other kickass ones back to back for a week.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            There are a couple of good guys over there: Conan, ggallin (though his name now is “PresidentGuy”Whitey”Corngood”), Hoss… I get along with Sadistik (though I can’t see him being able to live without trolling hahaha) as well. And several others such as SataNick and Mark Hunt’s Cardio…are all cool as well.

            A certain Canadian douchebag in particular…seriously, if I would be given carte blanche to beat that guy into a bloody pulp, I wouldn’t pass up on the opportunity.

          • more beer

            Did you read PresidentGuys response to me on Friday 5 about the sinking ship? If you haven’t you should go back and read it. It was great.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Link us up! I’m curious and bored!

          • more beer
          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            LMAO, brilliant! I had ‘The Sinking Of The Edmund Fitzgerald’ playing in my head as I read it.

          • more beer

            Yes it was. That guy is good dude also.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            You should coax him on over to here, then.

          • more beer

            He has been here before.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Odd, haven’t noticed him.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Hahaha yeah I read it.

          • more beer

            He fucking nailed it.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Most accurate analogue I’ve read all year.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I originally met King Shit and Deputy Dipshit on there and MI way back when, as well as Conan.

          • more beer

            There are a couple.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Yeah more than a few should fuck off. But most of them make some noise, but when you gang up on them they’ll retreat with their tail between their legs. But that guy is just a major pain in the ass. You can’t argue with or even verbally fight delusional fucks like that.

          • more beer

            There is a guy I got into it with last week. Who thinks everything should just be handed to him. Most delusional stupid guy I have ever encountered there. Even when I linked him to facts he told me I don’t know the facts. I did enjoy upsetting him to the point he called me a racist. I never brought up race he kept bringing it up. Then called me a murderer for having been in the service. By the end I was just saying fucked up things to him to be a bigger dick than he was. It was quite amusing.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            You were arguing with Donald Trump on there?!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Even Kukk hasn’t shown up there all week. Really, it was almost shocking to see how bad the site was doing last week.

          • more beer

            Next week they bring out the big SJW guns.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’ve noticed that they’ve closed down the comment section for the Phil Boozeman reviews hahahaha

          • more beer

            That guys reviews are horrible. The only thing he should be allowed to review. Are the guy in the park, who has the monkey and the organ grinder.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Look at almost any Blabbermouth comments section. They’ve already got that one on lockdown. The Trump love there is actually quite frightening.

          • Óðinn

            Haha. Blabbermouth. The retard level is quite high in their comments section.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Yep!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Flying Spaghetti Monster help me, I think I’ll go over and give it a quick look to see how far it’s fell. And point at the screen and laugh at their epic fail.

            http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/njgoik2zuyob8hsfqrkk.jpg

          • Óðinn
          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I can’t stand them either, but I’ll admit they did put on one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen. If only I brought earplugs, it would’ve been perfect.

          • more beer

            I have never seen them. As I find them both silly and horrible.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            That, and an overabundance of black nail polish.

          • more beer

            That falls under silly.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Awful music, but when I saw them it was a full on circus-like spectacle. Thankfully I didn’t have to pay to see them.

          • more beer

            I have never been about the spectacle. I go to shows for the music. I would much rather a band just bring the riffs.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Type O and Moonspell definitely brought those that night. If I can get both music and spectacle, like the first time I saw Mago De Oz, even better!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Type O Negative >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

            Moonspell ==> “meh”

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            ME SAW SAME TOUR!!!!!! MOONSPELL WAS GOOD LIVE THAT TOUR!!!!!! ALSO FEW MONTHS LATER WITH OPETH & DEVILDRIVER!!!!!!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’ve tried to enjoy several of Moonspell’s albums, but they always felt a bit bland to me. They were not bad, they were just meh. They could be a good live band though.

          • Zeke

            Wolfheart is great (if you don’t mind the fruitiness of it). I don’t like anything else from them

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            That was their worst one, IMHO. Butterfly Effect would be my favorite one.

          • Zeke

            I’ve never even heard that one. Wolfheart is a bit more black metal than the stuff they released after it. Though I admit I stopped following them a long time ago, so they may have gotten heavier again later on

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Zeke

            Cool. My wife is sleeping on top of me. I’ll give this a shot when she wakes up. (I prefer to wake her up with burzum. She might think I’m a puff if I wake her up with moonspell).

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            LMAO!!!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Do I see a vocalist wearing black nail polish there?

            DISQUALIFIED

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Exceptions can be made!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            But in this case, none will be made!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Zeke

            Wow, this is totally different from any of their stuff I’ve previously heard. Not really my thing though; I think it’s too clean for my tastes nowadays.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I listened to that album, but that’s been a long time ago. I remember getting a huge “cheese” vibe from it, which is something I usually can’t enjoy.

          • Zeke

            Yeah it’s definitely cheesy. Pretty well-written though. I got into that album when I was probably 13, so I might partially like it for nostalgic reasons

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I should revisit the album sometime. But personally I can’t even enjoy CoF’s Dusk and Her Embrace (and album which most people who even hate other CoF stuff seem to think is good). The symphonic gothy stuff might just not be for me.

          • Zeke

            I like the first four CoF albums; but once again, I got those albums when I was in my early teenage years. I don’t think I’d dig them now if I heard them for the first time. For example, I always managed to steer clear of dimmu; I recently checked out one of their older albums because it was getting some toilet praise, but I only lasted through about one song. So yeah, I think the cheesy symphonic black metal ship has sailed a long time ago

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Dimmu’s Enthrone Darkness Triumphant I can dig. It has some good riffs.
            I’ll always like the first two Emperor albums (Nightside and Anthems) even though they’re symphonic as well. I dunno, the atmosphere of those albums probably clicks more with me.

          • Zeke

            I think enthroned was the album I tried. While emperor is “symphonic,” I don’t consider them in the same category as CoF, dimmu, etc. Ihsahn’s synths aren’t cheese; I see them as either proggy, or just downright vicious.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            True. They’re more used to create an immersive soundscape.
            I really dig this album as well.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqAv_h2lswo

          • Zeke

            Never heard it before. I’ll check it out

          • Zeke

            Hmmm, this has potential. Good recommendation. I’m adding it to my Spotify library so I can give it a better listen later

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Been quite a while since I’ve heard these guys.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            They reached their absolute peak on this album. After this one they turned into a steaming pile of Carpathian shit.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Jamming some Summoning right now, which is definitely symphonic. Not quite cheesy though outside of their themes.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            It’s definitely got a cheese factor to it. I didn’t quite think that when I first got the album back in 96, but then again I was probably too young to really notice.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            The tour Moonspell was doing for The Antidote?

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            THAT THE ONE!!!!!!!!!! 2003&2004!!!!!!!! REAL GOOD SHOWS!!!!!!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Indeed!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Moonspell rules! I was mostly there to interview and see them that day, hence how I got in for free.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Can’t say they’re a bad band, probably just a bit too gothy for my taste. Though I thoroughly enjoy more than a few of the albums by bands that fall more into the gothic side of doom, such as Type O Negative, My Dying Bride or Paradise Lost.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Or old school Anathema.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I love Serenades. Everything after Serenades ==> meh

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I like all their stuff, but Pentecost III is still my fave of their’s.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Oh yeah, Pentecost III is good. I was more talking about their full length albums. Every album (full length or EP) where Darren White was still involved with them, is good in my book.

          • Zeke

            Probably my second favorite doom album of all time

          • more beer

            Corpse paint and choreography just aren’t my thing.

          • more beer

            The only band out of those three I like is Type O. I saw the very first Type O show ever. To be honest with you I like Carnivore more than Type O.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Carnivore was pretty badass as well!

          • more beer

            I’ve seen both bands numerous times. The carnivore shows were much more fun.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            B-bymetal?

          • more beer

            That’s not really metal, It is j pop with guitars. See my comment below to the King of New York.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            It’s more metal than COC or Crowbar!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Now you’re pushing the limits, pal.

          • more beer

            Yea that was a Hester like comment.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • more beer

            No it really isn’t. This is the best COC album and it is way better than that shit.But is also more hardcore than metal.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oyuln0m4_rM

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Damn, I thought I had your jimmies rustled for a second! Mwahahahaha!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Crowbar’s off-limits!!!

          • more beer

            You are wrong. But your taste in metal is much different than mine.See if that shitty band has the staying power to be around for 34 years. Like COC.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Staying around and being good are two different things. Look at Anvil! and IIRC, COC’s taken some really long breaks in between doing anything.

          • more beer

            They took one hiatus. To say that other band is better than them. Is a crime against music and all that is decent.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I highly doubt BMetal will even be around another couple of years, at least in it’s current form. It’ll be like Menudo, where they constantly change the entire lineup when they get too old. It’d be kinda weird seeing them doing the whole thing 34 years from now, when they’re in their late 50s!

          • more beer

            I have always wondered if they would go the Menudo route. Hopefully it will just die a torturous death.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Nope, too much money with that cash cow to let it die, especially since it’s a manufactured band. There’s already several dozen copycats out there as well cashing in on the whole thing.

          • more beer

            It will crash and burn as soon as the novelty wears off. It will wear off.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Yup!!!!! Probably not in Japan, but elsewhere.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            For some reason, every time I want to disqus “a certain Japanese band”, it immediately gets flagged and is waiting to be approved by the site.

            So what I wanted to say was, that specific band is probably the most atrocious shit ever created with the name “metal” attached to it.

          • more beer

            It is because that is not allowed here. Nor is a certain Mexican style fast food place. Those words just get filtered out. Kind of like metal archives doesn’t recognize them as a metal band either.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I think the TB thing got lifted, as well as a certain prog band. Especially when the guy offed himself and we were discussing it.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            nope, because one of my replies to JJD was flagged the other day

          • more beer

            It should be banned.That shit is terrible.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            im not gonna lie, sometimes you gotta eat shit when you work like we do

          • more beer

            I never eat that shit. There way too many good inexpensive taco places here.

          • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

            not so much deep in the mountains

          • more beer

            That is understandable..

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Weird, maybe Joe just forgot. Who knows? It was odd seeing BMetal mentioned (by their full name) in an article earlier this week, but it got flagged when I tried to talk about it. Just a wee bit of a double standard.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Couldn’t have picked a worse name, that’s for sure!

          • more beer

            It just helps reinforce how shitty it really is.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            At least they’re not a pornogrind band with that name. Now THAT would be unsettling and extremely creepy!

          • Óðinn

            Animosity. Good album.

          • more beer

            I think it is their best.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            With the exception of America’s Volume Dealer, I enjoy all COC up until and including In the Arms of God. I’ve always thought In the Arms of God was severely underrated.

          • Óðinn

            It’s like J-Pop crossed with Metal elements. Maybe more of a novelty act. A lot of Japanese “Metal” is more of a theatrical performance than a Metal performance.

          • more beer

            It is an abomination.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Breaking out some more easy breezy classics.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYaYzIUH9yU

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Which was followed up with an even better one.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMto1XuiQTM

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Listening to that as well last night, since it was on the same YT channel. That, Carnage, Gutted, Sinister, Desultory and Broken Hope were the ones I was jamming last night.

  • JWEG

    http://bunnythekillerthing.com/wp-content/gallery/bunny_stills/Bunny_01.jpg

    http://bunnythekillerthing.com/

    Not actually Easter themed, but it does have a Killer Thing named ‘Bunny’ (according to the title).

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
    • more beer

      “`https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU2LCn2HCIk

      • Ol Dirty Blastbeard
      • Óðinn

        Nice!

        • more beer

          That’s a killer song.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        One of their best songs, definite!

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          Personally I’ve always been a Release From Agony guy. That album is a fucking rollercoaster.

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
    • more beer

      I saw him tour for this. He was so spot on. I have always wondered if he was lip synching.

      • Óðinn

        I saw Danzig live many years ago. Didn’t get a lip syncing vibe, but I wasn’t looking for lip syncing either. I was probably drunk too, if I’m honest. His original Danzig line-up with Chuck Biscuits, Eerie Von, and John Christ was good.

        • more beer

          I saw that lineup a couple of times. It just sound so perfect to the album at the show I saw at the Ritz. I have just always wondered that or did he just have the best sound guy ever.

          • Boss the Ross

            I would love to have seen Danzig in his top form.

          • Óðinn

            That would probably require a time machine.

  • Óðinn
  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Sunday News You Can Use:
    Napalm Death, Autopsy, At The Gates and Vader are guesting on the new Avulsed double CD. I think I need a cigarette just thinking about it, it’s gotten me that hot and satisfied!

    https://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_megfepYEst1r6cyhko1_500.gif

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn

    ~~~

  • Count_Breznak
    • Óðinn
      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        LMAO, another film classic.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Haha nope, but I’ve seen it!

    • Óðinn
      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Historically accurate, since we all know Genghis Kahn sounded like he was from Chattanooga.

        • Óðinn

          That’s right. 😉

    • Leif Bearikson

      Classic!

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
    • more beer

      That rabbit has a vicious streak a mile wide!

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn

    Jaleel White gives a stunning performance…

    https://youtu.be/AqZlCWkH4P0

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Got that on DVD. 😀

  • Maik Beninton™
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Im going to Universal in Florida but I have to skip seeing MRH because of it.

    • Óðinn

      That’s a dilemma. Is there a 3rd option?

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        No. I can’t see Mushroomhead due to the fact I’m leaving to go there with my family the same day as the MRH show.

        • Óðinn

          Well maybe there will be some good Metal shows in Florida while you’re there.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And tons of MILFS/GMILFs.

  • Óðinn

    ~~~

  • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

    man, have i come to expect too much out of vocalists?

    #openingbands

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      If you’re expecting power metal vocals, then yes you have set your expectations to the highest standards.