Guacamole-Finally-Writes-About-Metal Thursday

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Yes, fair sistren and brethren. Your eyes do not deceive. Tis I, Guacamole Jim (aka Glock Jim, aka Your Friendly Chip Dip) here to write about metal. The times, they are a-changin’ indeed. If you, the denizens of this fetid bowl, paid any attention to the introduction to this week’s Toilet Tuesday article, you will have read a fun and lively story about a tapeworm. Most of you won’t have known this, but in fact that story is the true account of Toilet author Jack Bauer’s weekend. As such, he’s decided to rework his terrorist battle plans to include tapeworms, but such a change requires much in the way of paperwork, leaving the arduous task of slaking your ravenous technical metal thirst to yours truly.

But first, TECH DEATH NEWS:

  • Tech Death masters Wheedilus Corpus have reentered the studio to record a follow-up to their previous critically acclaimed masterpiece, Medical Jargon. The band released a statement, declaring their intention to “wheedily slightly less on this album, but you can expect some mother fucking deedilies!” I think I speak for everyone when I say this album promises to be exactly the same as every tech death album since the year 2000 — exactly what we fans want!
  • Tech Death amateurs Corpsembobulated Shred are embarking on a multi-metre tour of Andorra, where they hope to play to more than three people.
  • Local Tech Death act Sloppyasphuck Corpseweedily haven’t played a show in years; I’m beginning to think they’re not together anymore, but they haven’t updated their Facebook to reflect the current hiatus. Get your shit together, dudes.

Now that you’re all caught up, let’s get on to the metal! Full disclaimer: it’s not really technical death metal, as it were. It’s technical, and it’s metal, but it’s kinda…..

*takes breath*

*slams bud lite*

…djenty.

Okay. The butthurt crowd of trve metalheads have rushed to the comments section to express their anger. The rest of you, let’s press on!

Today I’m going to be discussing the math metal band, Cilice. To be perfectly honest, I don’t really remember how or when I came across these Dutch devils, but I will say I’ve not looked back from the purchase of their debut (and only) album, Deranged Headtrip. As Cilice lists their influences as “Meshuggah, Dillinger Escape Plan and Mike Patton, among others” and classifies their genre as “Mad Math Metal,” the new listener, previously ignorant of this crushing quadrio, can begin to prepare their aural cavities for the onslaught that is about to greet their trembling, frail bodies (unless you’ve been Swellin to the Jammies, in which case, let it greet your sturdy, muscular body, you sexy beast you!).

Deranged Headtrip assaults the listener from the moment “play” is pressed. The track “God of Lies” gives no quarter to the faint of heart, showcasing the musical proficiency of these Netherlanders in a capacity seldom paralleled. And yet this song is no mere onslaught of br00tality — rather, Cilice explores ultra-tight staccato rhythms, both in the instruments and the vocals, displaying a tendency towards the chaotic to be explored through the duration of the album. However, the song’s crowning achievement, in the opinion of this humble chip dip, comes not in its heaviest moments, but at 3:08, at which point the singer suddenly breaks into (dare I say) bluesy clean singing overtop of a strange, atonal riff, not bound to the regularities of tonal convention. Cilice is not afraid to experiment with sounds that twist the untrained ear.

 

Not content to rest on their laurels, Cilice launches into the most melodic song on the album, “Left/Right Hemisphere,” showcasing some of the most epic moments the album has to offer (specifically coming in here – FUCK is that vocal line amazing!), yet never straying away from the math and technical precision established on the album’s opener. But even here they do not rest, immediately turning again to more experimental grounds on the tracks “Drone” and “Chernobyl,” both of which exhibit an experimentation that challenges the listener beyond what most metal has to offer.

To classify Cilice is difficult, to say the least. There is skronk. There is (very) unconventional melody. There is technicality in droves. There is djent. There is even death metal. Cilice is simultaneously all and none of these things. On first listen my ears only heard the Meshuggah influence they craved at the time, and yet Cilice has stood the test of time in my library to which so many of my Meshuggah rip-offs have succumbed. I encourage even the most doubtful among you to listen to the album Deranged Headtrip in its entirety; to give it a fair chance before writing it off as “another djent album” — which it is not. Those of you who desire challenge, find it here. Those who desire groove, bathe in the polyrhythms. Those who desire melody can enjoy it as well, albeit melody enshrined in experimentation. Those who simply desire good music, let us together jam.

Stab Cilice on Facebook. Purchase their music on iTunes. Listen to them on Spotify. Visit them on their website. Show them your love.

(Image via)

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  • Nice writing, Guac. There’s hardly even a second of this music I like but it’s cool to see you writing more.

    • Guacamole Jim

      One day I will write about something you like. ONE DAY

      • When you figure out what that is, let me know. I still haven’t found it.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          Mostly Devin Townsend Project, I’ve heard.

        • You’re so adorable <3.

      • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

        I,for one, am totally down with Cilice. I stumbled across this album not long after it was released. I’ve enjoyed ol’ mate vocalist’s switch over to the band Textures. I reckon he’s a good fit for that crew too.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Nice! There’s a couple of us here that it resounded with. The stuff I was hearing from Textures I’m digging, so I’m going to acquire some of their material.

    • Stockhausen

      Hey have you heard the new Êqqįłßrinhggpœøbńštÿmûñg yet?

  • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

    Man, I’m really excited that it has snowed twice this week. Very cool. I was so happy to get a nice five inches of snow last night with a healthy layer of ice on top of it. That makes me smile–inside and out. This is how “spring” should be–miserable and snowing. I’m not crying at all, Mother Nature… you deceitful charlatan and whore.

    I dislike talking about the weather, but my fuck I need to vent. I need sunshine and green grass something awful. Yes, I am a lifelover. Guilty.

    At least we have thrash metal so I can at least blast Sodom’s Agent Orange while I slide around on the roads ov hoarfrost.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Holy crap, you’re still getting snow!?!

      • He lives in Vermont, it might as well be the Arctic.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          You mahfuckahs in Cali are going to be begging for snow (or really, any moisture) soon enough. You guys are in for a drought of Deathspell Omeglical proportions.

          • I’m looking forward to dehydrating in obscurity. National Geographic can come take pictures of my dessicated corpse rotting in the middle of the desert.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Dvst and Daath in California: A NatGeo exclusive.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Whatever happened to Daath?

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            I’ve never actually listened to them, despite seeing their music all over the place a few years ago.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Overrhyped but decent band. Their concepts were better than the music, though.

          • If you can’t do it, come to Maracaibo and die in the middle of the street’s paviment. Nobody will care because we’re still drowning in trash and your corpse will implode with gases in the 33 Cº heat.

          • That sounds awesome.

          • Everytime I go to wait the first public transport I have to skip a dead dog in the sidewalk. It’s been months since the corpse is there and everyday I see it rot more. Right now I can see the white teeths.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            That’s brutal, Link. You seriously need to start a slam death band and write songs about all the Venezuelan horrors.

          • Hey! At least I can wait the transport in the bus stop. In the first months I had to walk several meters away because the odor.

            People here don’t care about anything. Also, we don’t have a good disposal system and we don’t a Ambient Ministery efficient enough to care about dead animals in the principal avenues. So, it’s pretty normal to stump on roadkill or have to jump on really bad smelly garbage bags in the sidewalks.

          • Stanley

            I think I may just have to pick up the Lonely Planet Venezuela book.

          • WELCOME! 😀

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Kinda sorta like that when the garbagemen were on strike in Chicago in 2003. 3 weeks worth of garbage piled up, and especially after the ball games up the street in the middle of summer. Goddamn, it smelled horrific!

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            When I first lived in Hampton (Virginia), there was a huge crab factory up the road, and in the summertime, OMG, the smell of rotting crab in 105 degree weather (with ungodly humidity) was even worse than sulfur.

          • Do you realize the endless amounts of potential death metal album covers you have at your disposal?

          • Yeah, but I’m too poor to buy instruments D:

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            That sounds like a Viral Load or Necrotic Disgorgement song. Nice.

          • VULTURE OF INHUMAN NEEDS, HIS HUNGER CAN NO LONGER WAIT
            FUCKING ANIMALS LONG DEAD, BODIES ENCRUSTED IN THE STREET
            DESECRATE
            MUTILATE
            THE BEAST OF A LESSER GOD
            COPULATE WITH THE DEAD ANIMAL LYING IN THE STREET

            Who knew Lori Bravo was talking about Venezuela all along?
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZDpovvlCtc

          • J.R.

            More fodder for the Toilet album of friendship!
            Slaying posers.
            Weedley Deedleys
            Imploding trash corpses composting in the eternal heat.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            What about BDubs?

          • J.R.

            The album name is Rolling Coal, by the Toilet Collective. will that satisfy the BDubs bro?

          • I totally imagined the last song live:

            “This is… Imploding.. Trash.. Corpses..Composting.. In the Eternal… HEEEEEAAAAATHTHGHGHGHGHGH”

            1. 2. 3. 4

            DRUMS EXPLODE.

          • J.R.

            no way friendo that line is too awesome for an intro lyric the song title will be “in the buttcrack ov venezuelan summer”

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair
          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            The governor is (not joking) actually passing a bill fining people for taking showers more than 10 minutes long.

          • more beer

            How is that even enforceable?

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Water gauges, I’m guessing.

          • more beer

            What ever that giant wheel of destruction is. I saw one a couple of weeks ago. It looked like they were going to tear shit up with it to me.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            It’s the world’s biggest saw. It’s basically meant for mining and slicing through mountains.

          • J.R.

            I could never live there. I took a 20 minute shower today and was proud of myself for “taking a short one”. I wish my bathtvb was long enough so I could bath. I would never leave.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            I have no interest in visiting CA, period.
            My showers are pretty short. Throw on some water, throw on some body wash and shampoo, and shave, and I’m out.

          • J.R.

            I was born in Santa Barbara, and we moved a year later, so I’ve had my fill of California. My political views don’t line up with the stereotypical Californian so I’d probably mouth off and get slain if I ever go back.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            I heard about that. He also said something along the lines of “the days of watering your lawn in California are over.” In his defense, it’s a pretty dire situation. America’s most populated state is on the brink of being completely out of water.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            On top of having the highest debt in the nation.

          • I think I read somewhere that the biggest offenders are golf courses. Seriously, fine the shit out of those people. Golf courses are nothing but playgrounds for the wealthy.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Fuck golf always, now and forever

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair
          • This bit definiely inspired my hatred for golf. We could be planting food there but rich old white men need a massive amount of space so they can chase a ball around and hit it into a small hole.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Nice play on words.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Many thanks, Wlad the Gravy ‘n’ Cheese Curd Tries.

        • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan

          I notice the Farter north you go the more asshole they become. Seriorly fuck the north its cold and eveone are all pricks up here.

          -InsaneBassNinja, 3 months ago, in reply to kalib frazier

          • Well that’s just not true, I live across the bay from the most southwestern point in the continental US.

          • Dr. Dubz

            AKA A-hole Central.

          • Well hey, I’m here…

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            I visited Seattle, which I’m guessing isn’t far from there, back in ’96, and FUCKING HATED IT! I’ve never seen a more stuck up, white, lame and hipster ass place in my entire life. My one friend back home told me about how he lived there for a couple of years. He basically said it’s by far the most racist place he’s ever lived.

          • DeeSnarl

            Hey, did we go around about this on Facebook? I love Seattle. Hipsters kind of suck, but they make for a way more livable city than, I dunno, blue-collar workers. As for racism, I don’t even get that. One of the most liberal cities by any metric, not to mention college-educated…

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Just going by what he said on the last part.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Cosigned.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Like those damn Newfoundlanders and Inuits, thinking they own the world. Yeesh!

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        Indeed. We actually had a few weeks of pretty mild weather that was almost spring like. Great sugaring weather. Mid-30s during the day, teens-to-20s at night, good snow melt. Had quite a bit of grass showing, though the snow banks were still pretty big. But this week has been awful. We got a legit snow fall last night. I literally felt like crying. All I want to do is go outside and work on my yard without it being covered on shitty ice or have it be so wet and soggy that I can’t even walk on it.

        • Dr. Dubz

          That’s brutal. I was walking across campus on Monday. 70 degrees. Beautiful green grass growing. Trees blooming. I love the few weeks of spring we get here before it gets ungodly hot.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            That sounds amazing. Every few years we get a “real” spring where April is a month of relative warmth and sun and blossoming vegetation. But most years that doesn’t really happen until May. Then we get nice summer weather June-August, September is usually gorgeous but it’s starting to cool off, October can go either way (September-like or the start of the wintry cold), and November thru April is mostly void. Fuck. I don’t even like to think about that half year of the kvnting void. Blurgh.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I’m not looking forward to the string of 110+ degree days we’ll have this summer 🙁

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Yeah, you can keep that shit. I like warm weather, even borderline “hot” weather, but that is fucking excessive. No thanks.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Incredibly valid. While your balls are sticking to your leg, Reichsmarschall Dean and I will be eating ice cream cones in 85 degree, low humidity weather; it’s fucking beautiful for as long as it lasts.

            As he said though, we pay for that phenomenal stretch with 6 months of snow void.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I used to drive a car with leather seats. It was AWFUL climbing in there after work.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Preach! You go to get out and you basically peel off the top two layers of skin. I know you get more extreme cold than FL, but I definitely had those heat experiences. I think I’d rather deal with our winter than your summer.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Thankfully we don’t get that Florida humidity in the summer.

          • Herr Schmitty

            The air is so thick it’s hard to breathe. I don’t miss it at all. I’ve never had a more miserable weather experience than farming in the Florida heat; no trees, no shade, just you planting 2 acres of fucking vegetables while it’s 100 degrees and 85% humidity in August.

            Losing 10-15 pounds of water weight just by sweating… fuck me, man, I’ll deal with Maine winter over that shit any day of the week.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Agreed. At least here in southern Maine I can deal with the winter … don’t think I could live up in The County though. Eff that.

          • Herr Schmitty

            No shit, a fellow Maine-ah! Moved to Portland in 2013, damn do I love it here. Southern Maine winter > Florida summer, even if both have their own… unique challenges.

            You in the Portland area or are you talking more like the Wells/Saco/Kennebunk area?

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Born and raised in central Maine (Belgrade), moved to Denver for college and a few years of work, then came back at the end of 2013. I’m in Brunswick now. I may be moving to Boston in the next few months, but that’s a work in progress.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            I’m in Brunswick. Born and raised in Maine, spent a few years in Denver, came back a couple years ago.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Awesome. Holler if you’re ever hitting up any of the shows in Portland! I’m gonna be hitting up Between the Buried and Me next Saturday (Port City Music Hall) and Periphery at the same place in May.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Will do for sure. I’m going to New England Metal and Hardcore next weekend, but will try to make it to Periphery in May, especially since Capture the Sun (my buddy’s band) is opening.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            And you don’t have to deal with the craziness that comes with living in FL.

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

            Comes with the territory here in southeast VA. Gotta love taking a shower, then dripping buckets of sweat within about 5 minutes of being outside!

        • more beer

          We got where I am last week but then it was 70 degrees the next day. at least here it doesn`t stick around.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Hah, that’s crazy! Forecasts for next week look better around here. It should melt then. And hopefully it ends.

          • more beer

            It`s always like that here. It will probably do that one or two more times.

        • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair
      • KJM

        It’s crap here in Metro Boston as well, drizzle and 36F. Total bullshit.

      • john

        Truly what this thread needed.

    • Herr Schmitty

      I vented to Link this morning about the snow on yesterday’s post (where we discussed chess.) Believe me when I say that I started just cussing on the street when I walked outside and found another 3-4 inches on the ground.

      The GF had a good time laughing at me while my sad ass scraped all the ice and snow off the car before work this morning, fuckin’ jerk 😉

      • Poor, poor schmitty <3.

        I hope the weather behave good, so you don't have to use gloves, bro.

    • KJM

      I don’t blame you. This is bullshit.

    • Wait you have snow? We have crazy thunderstorms at the moment.

      • Herr Schmitty

        Got a glass door right next to my desk. Hell yeah we have snow, it’s snowing lightly right fucking now!

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        Indeed. Snowed a decent amount last night. Cool temps. No thunderstorms. Just ice. Fuuuuuuuuck.

      • Thunderstorms >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> snow

    • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

      It stopped snowing here, but the temps are swinging like a motherfucker, from 30-40 at night back up to 70-80 during the day. Which is driving my sinuses up the fucking wall, just like every spring/summer.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      “WHOREFROST” BAND NAME I CALL IT!

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        Would buy the raw ass 4-track demo/10.

    • J.R.

      It is 80 and so stinking humid out. Cold front should come through Thursday night and man is it going to storm! Last week was the perfect spring to me. Low pollen. Mid/high 60s. Perfect hoodie weather.
      I bet your summers are nice if it’s still so snowy!

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        Summers are indeed amazing around here. Usually. Sometimes they are very rainy and mild, which is a bummer.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Thanks for the updates in the tech death world, very insightful. Some of my favorite bands, and their best songs linked!

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Dang, getting a lot of mid-era Textures feels from these guys. Great find.

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Wait, is that the same vocalist? They sound friggin identical.

      • Guacamole Jim

        This vocalist eventually left the band to join Textures. Good ear, sir!

        • YourLogicIsFlushed

          Thanks Guac, I am never able to pinpoint stuff like that, but as a huge Textures fan I don’t think I could have missed it. Really like this band, will be adding them to my Spotify library. Really need some new friggin Textures though.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I’d heard Textures a while back, and had meant to check them out but never did. It’s only recently that I’ve come back to them, and I need to listen to more. They’re really fucking cool.

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Everyone seems to be all over their early work like Polars, but I think everything they have done since than is much better.

          • Guacamole Jim

            The stuff that I was digging the most was, I believe, more recent. It was this vocalist who I was following, and I think he joined more mid-career for them, correct?

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            He joined on their 4th (most recent) album Dualism. He’s now the 3rd singer Textures has had. I believe they’re in the process of making their 5th album right now.

  • Tyree
  • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

    A bit perplexed by the dude blowing a tube in the cover art but I can dig the music.

  • FINALLY, GUACAMELEE!!!!

    I think I can dig this when I’m in a “mechanical” mood. Thanks for this piece.

    Note: hope Bauer’s ok! 🙁

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan

    Bands are like a human being.

    The brain is the Vocalist
    The heart is the Percussion
    The lungs are the Guitarists
    The veins are the Bassists

    Well, actually I didn’t have any other vitals I could compare a Bassist too. Other than a stomach… But that seems kind of mean to say they are part of a digestion track…

    -Burning Inferno, 1 month ago

    • Mother Shabubu III

      I’d say drums are the skeleton, bass is the tissue and sinews that hold the skeleton together, guitar is the muscle and organs, vocals are the brain and nervous system.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        R U a doctor lol

        • Mother Shabubu III

          No, just a creep who posses a ton of useless knowledge.

  • Interesting read, I’ll check these guys out once I finish animating at work. Sounds like something I would like! GuacJim for Prez, BLAO BLAO BLAO.

  • I swear to god I am burning all of my Wheedilus Corpus albums if the new album doesn’t have wheedlies AND deedlies.

    • Guacamole Jim

      They’re trying to evolve, man. Let them do their thing.

      http://i.4cdn.org/gif/1427770851391.gif

      • *fingers crossed JB doesn’t see this*
        that was one of the best TD news round-ups ever!

        • sup <3

          • Herr Schmitty

            Fret not, there’s only one TDT champion sir.

            Spoiler: It’s you.

      • That dude looks like someone who would listen to tech death. Also, Allegaeon played nearby last night and I fucking forgot 🙁

    • Mother Shabubu III

      Joe’s gotta fever and the only prescription is more wheedlie-deedlies, wakka wakka!

  • I was digging that first song until the Periphery riff off vocals chimed in. yuk!

    GL

  • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

    Not really digging Cilice, sorry. I can’t put my finger on it, but it seems to lack……… zazz.

    http://40.media.tumblr.com/e431dac90a2a30b8e7b31e4a5ac3293b/tumblr_muqtccP12j1qi3qp5o1_500.jpg

    1/10 tendies (with zero dip).

  • Wormed just announced they are going to start recording album 3 shortly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6WSIu7cSYQ

    • Tyree

      I’ll believe it when I see it. They are like the Tool of death metal. Takes em forever to make a new album.

      • I believe you’re thinking of Necrophagist lol

        • Tyree

          Nope. That band is dead.

    • Much ado about weedlies. (working title)

      • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

        Weedlies, the breakfast of champions.

    • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

      Loves me some of that thur Wormed! I still have a CD my best friend gave me before I moved. Might have to dig that one out sometime down the line.

    • That is good news, I loved the last album.

    • That means we’ll see a new album in 2023.

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    Heh, took you long enough.
    That was pretty good, I can see the influences, and The Dillinger Escape Plan being one of my favourite bands ever, and Mike Patton being god, it bodes well for the band.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Guacamole I’m gonna push play on a few of these tunes before I dive into this thing this morning per Tyree and Masterlord:

    https://ironboneheadproductions.bandcamp.com/album/hic-iacet-the-cosmic-trance-into-the-void

  • CyberneticOrganism

    This is a thing about which I would say “I like this thing.” Good rec, Guac.

    EDIT: Wow those clean vocals came outta nowhere and kinda suck. Gonna soldier on with this anyway.

    • I for some reason read your name as christian molenaar and became extremely confused lol.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        ChristianeticMolenaarism

    • Guacamole Jim

      They seem to be a bit of a divisive element, those cleans.

  • Stockhausen

    This pleases not my ear holes. But Guac Jim surely pleases my eye holes.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Who is Cilice? They sound good.

  • OldMetalHead

    I’m not really good about sub-genre assignment. All I can say is this shit rips. I dig!

  • Metaphysical Anus

    No.