Metal is running out of ideas, so we need to do some mixing and matching.
Google does a lot of great things if you know how to use it. It also can give you a lot of shit results if you don’t exactly know what you are looking for. I found out that you can search “<Country Name>+Metal band” and it populates a graphic list for you. Quality of results may vary.
A majority of people in every country probably have never even heard of the metal bands that supposedly represent them, so I am going to reach out and let them know what famous pop stars in their country they should hook up with to reach a wider demographic. So here are the rules: I will take the top metal band from each randomly selected country, then one of the top-four pop groups from that country (based on whichever I find is the best fit) and then explain how awesome the collaboration would be for the country and music in general.
Just to give you an idea of what I am working with here, check out the results from Australia in the header image.
1. Australia – Savage 666
The Destroyer 666 and Savage Garden mashup just makes too much sense. Honestly, I would be amazed if the band name isn’t already taken. Let’s look at the facts. Both bands had their first releases in 1997, so the 90’s nostalgia assholes would be all over it. What would go better with blackened thrash than some meandering lyrics about how Truly, Madly, and Deeply we love Satan. I can’t see this not being the #1 hit in the world for 3 years running. Tourism in Australia would explode during the 3 month long festival where this mega-group would perform their hit single on repeat, eight times per day, at 3,000 AUD per ticket (or about $12 USD).
2. Sweden – Ghost of Base
I saw the sign, and it said “pop music needs more masked mystery bands.” Realistically, Ghost doesn’t need much help in the marketing department, so this one might actually help Ace of Base come back to relevance. Ghost are sorta poppy in their own right, so I think this would be an easy going collaboration. An emerging force meeting with an aged icon. My beloved Pain of Salvation couldn’t win Melodifestivalen a few years back, but this would surely destroy the national music competition. Maybe a few years down the line my secret girlfriend Anna Kendrick will do a cover of Ghost of Base’s best single in Pitch Perfect 7.
3. France – Daftjira
So this one is both a great band idea and a great movie idea. Tron + Godzilla = Fuck off Avatar, there’s a new king in town for box office domination. A lot of us were disappointed by the recent release from the progressive French group, but unfortunately, that direction might help with their general popularity among non-metal inclined folks. But, instead of selling out and becoming radio friendly (which I hope the single doesn’t prove true) they should just go AWOL and drop some catchy electronica in their riffs. The other two might be jokes, but I would actually love to see this happen. EDM is already taking over festivals where some pseudo-metal bands played a lot more often. Maybe this could initiate the reintroduction of good music to Lollapalooza.
What other countrymen should join forces and create something wonderful?