Google Mix and Match: National Collaborations

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Metal is running out of ideas, so we need to do some mixing and matching.

Google does a lot of great things if you know how to use it. It also can give you a lot of shit results if you don’t exactly know what you are looking for. I found out that you can search “<Country Name>+Metal band” and it populates a graphic list for you. Quality of results may vary.

A majority of people in every country probably have never even heard of the metal bands that supposedly represent them, so I am going to reach out and let them know what famous pop stars in their country they should hook up with to reach a wider demographic. So here are the rules: I will take the top metal band from each randomly selected country, then one of the top-four pop groups from that country (based on whichever I find is the best fit) and then explain how awesome the collaboration would be for the country and music in general.

Just to give you an idea of what I am working with here, check out the results from Australia in the header image.

1. Australia – Savage 666

savage 666The Destroyer 666 and Savage Garden mashup just makes too much sense. Honestly, I would be amazed if the band name isn’t already taken. Let’s look at the facts. Both bands had their first releases in 1997, so the 90’s nostalgia assholes would be all over it. What would go better with blackened thrash than some meandering lyrics about how Truly, Madly, and Deeply we love Satan. I can’t see this not being the #1 hit in the world for 3 years running. Tourism in Australia would explode during the 3 month long festival where this mega-group would perform their hit single on repeat, eight times per day, at 3,000 AUD per ticket (or about $12 USD).


2. Sweden – Ghost of Base

Ghost of base copyI saw the sign, and it said “pop music needs more masked mystery bands.” Realistically, Ghost doesn’t need much help in the marketing department, so this one might actually help Ace of Base come back to relevance. Ghost are sorta poppy in their own right, so I think this would be an easy going collaboration. An emerging force meeting with an aged icon. My beloved Pain of Salvation couldn’t win Melodifestivalen a few years back, but this would surely destroy the national music competition. Maybe a few years down the line my secret girlfriend Anna Kendrick will do a cover of Ghost of Base’s best single in Pitch Perfect 7.


3. France – Daftjira

DaftjiraSo this one is both a great band idea and a great movie idea. Tron + Godzilla = Fuck off Avatar, there’s a new king in town for box office domination. A lot of us were disappointed by the recent release from the progressive French group, but unfortunately, that direction might help with their general popularity among non-metal inclined folks. But, instead of selling out and becoming radio friendly (which I hope the single doesn’t prove true) they should just go AWOL and drop some catchy electronica in their riffs. The other two might be jokes, but I would actually love to see this happen. EDM is already taking over festivals where some pseudo-metal bands played a lot more often. Maybe this could initiate the reintroduction of good music to Lollapalooza.

What other countrymen should join forces and create something wonderful?

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  • Dubs

    Coming soon to a civic center near you, New York’s finest booty-slammin’ death metal band is back. For one night only, see the masters of the butt perform their entire debut hit album Unleash the Pierced Dragon in full. Break your necks and your hips while they perform hit single “Bind Thong Kill.” It’s the one, the only, Sisqocation! (RFI)

    • Joaquin Stick

      Beautiful.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I can’t wait to hear their hit “Thongs Of Blood”.

  • Venezuelan pop band (ugh…) – Venezuelan metal band (none/widget not displaying).

    Yeah, that’s my country! So proud of it!!

    • Joaquin Stick

      I tried a few South American countries, it was bad.

    • Maik Beninton™

      Chino and Nacho, sounds like it gives diarrhea if you eat it.

      • PLEASE, DON’T LISTEN TO IT!

        I LISTEN TO THOSE FUCKERS NEARLY FOUR TIMES PER WEEK IN EVERY BUS I HAVE TO TAKE.

        On a hilarious note:

        This Nacho guy was suposedly a “metalhead” when he was young, he cited KoRn and other things like that as his favorite music when he was a teenager. He was reportedly came into the Carcass concert of 2006 in his huge truck and was punched in a mosh pit. He returned early to his home when the bottle rain started that cancelled the concert at the middle of the Carcass set list.

        He is probably one of those douchebags that thinks “metal is just a phase”.

        #JustVenezuelanThings

        Whatever happened. Have a dose of This Mortal Coil:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0PmzCbXq0o

  • Colombia = Inquisishakira?

  • Lordiocletian

    http://i.imgur.com/JaAoY6t.jpg
    New Zealand

    • Dubs

      I like Lorde.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Likewise. One of the best dream pop artists out there.

      • I got nothing against her. Plus she has a Wednesday Addams vibe to her which is rad.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Antichrist Hammerhallelujah?

    • RJA

      Very nice.
      I was watching video of some recent Brodequin performance. Have you seen any of those yet with the drum programming being done on stage? I know how you feel about “drum machines” but it was pretty awesome and they still sound pretty sick.

      • I did see that. From what I’ve read, Jon Engman has back issues that keeps him from playing on an actual kit. Not sure I can get on board with that approach, but it was cool to watch him play those songs with just his fingers.

      • RJA
    • Dave Vincent’s Perm
      • Lol at Puzzle tattoo.

    • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

      This kind of needs to happen for real.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    I could picture Destroyer 666 teaming up with The Wiggles.

  • Hatebreed and Taylor Swift should rework “Shake It Off”. Hate Swift.

    • Dubs

      And BRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE are never ever ever getting back together!

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Peste Noire and Celine Dion?

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Shania Twaintopsy

      • tertius_decimus

        This is the best match.

  • brokensnow

    Lady of God

    • brokensnow

      mines pretty obvious.

  • Carly Razor Jepson

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      First day buyer right here!

    • JWEG

      Alessia Caraklysm

      (especially vs. old school grindcore-ish Kataklysm)

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Britain: Take That plus Akercocke = Takercocke

    • brokensnow

      Valeria Dragova is smokin, even with a dudes face.

  • brokensnow

    mmmm….if I go by my state……Salt the Head, lol.

    • brokensnow

      or mushroom wound lol

  • Scrimm

    Ghost as the top band from sweden? My head hurts…

  • Just an FYI. NWN is having a 25% off sale going on right now. I picked up the newest Ifrinn wax for only $12. Plus picked up both the Hellhammer demos on cassette for $5 a pop.

    • RJA

      every time you tell yourself “I’m going to slow down on ordering” something like this comes along!

      • I hear you man. Such poop! Ifrinn was a must though for $12.

        • RJA

          I’ll pick up the Irkallian Oracle probably – browsing their store now!

  • Waynecro

    This is pretty funny, dude. Thanks! Coincidentally, the dude I play Tom Clancy’s The Division with thought it would be pretty awesome to play Ace of Base’s “I Saw the Sign” while we completed the game’s final mission last night. That song reminds me of sitting in an orthodontist’s waiting room in the ’90s. It makes my teeth hurt.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I have that CD, actually.

      • Waynecro

        Remember when Stephanie Tanner and her pals started a band and rocked a cover of that song? Those were good times.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Full House was NEVER good times!

          • Waynecro

            Man, Full House was nothing but good times for the whole family. Don’t you remember that time Uncle Joey did that zany thing and Uncle Jessie fussed about his hair?

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Gah, no! I hated that show even when I was a kid, even though the mom was pretty smokin’.

          • Waynecro

            You mean Aunt Becky? She was in Fuller House, and she’s still a mighty classy lady.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I think that was the one. Never knew there was a remake.

          • Waynecro

            The good times continue rolling in the remake, which has quite a bit more cleavage than the original.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Eh, still skipping!

        • RJA

          I do remember that – their egos got the best of them before they even played. what could have been.

          • Waynecro

            Stephanie ended up becoming a world-famous DJ, so her early musical struggles were not in vain.

  • JWEG

    Results for Canada are kind of weird:

    I have no idea how their algorithm has sorted “pop” results:

    1-1: Voivod & Arcade Fire. Might work. Just not for me.

    2-2: Anvil & Simple Plan. Wouldn’t work. Definitely not for me.

    3-3: RUSH (is a metal band?) & Barenaked Ladies. This idea rules. Any suggestion to the contrary will not be tolerated.

    4-4. Annihilator & the Guess Who. No Bachmann, no Cummings, no point.

    The rest of the pop side is even worse than #2 for pairing, so I refuse to even slightly entertain them.

    • JWEG

      Huh. Images didn’t attach. Editing…

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Arcade Fire would actually make Voivod listenable.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Have April Wine and Helix do a collaboration. Reunite the classic Guess Who and have them collaborate with Annihilator’s classic lineup.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      How about Chicago and Trouble?

      • brokensnow

        Thats called Detroit.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          How about Mitch Ryder and MC5?

          • brokensnow

            I dont know who mitch ryder is

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            He’s a singer who is known for Devil With A Blue Dress On.

          • brokensnow

            ah.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Flint: King 810 and Grank Funk Railroad

            “Let me be your captain, or I’ll beat your fucking ass!”

        • bazing!

      • Upvoted for Trouble. Downvoted for Chicago.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Now THAT would sound interesting! I can imagine ‘Plastic Green Head’ with a huge horn section.

    • TheCheezFace

      Rush is on metal archives, actually.

    • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

      RUSH!

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Canada: Killer Drakes

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    On the Chicago end, Stabbing Kanye Westward.

    • brokensnow

      save yourself picasso

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        What Do I Have To Do To Make You Jeezy?

  • tertius_decimus

    Ukraine: Onuka Mortum.

  • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

    Well done!