Phil Labonte, Libertarian Crusader, Needs Your Charity


Also-ran metalcore band All That Remains will release a new album in 2017. On Friday, the band put up a Pledge Music campaign to raise some funds for the endeavor. Want to see an acoustic All That Remains performance and have $75,000 burning a hole in your Ed Hardy’s? The band’s got you covered, fam. If that’s too steep for your budget, there is a more affordable pledge option available.

For years, thrifty individuals that wanted to spend an hour getting yelled at by a xenophobic manlet with a chinstrap beard could visit 4chan, Twitter, Reddit, Breitbart, MMA forums, Tea Party rallies, or extended family Thanksgiving dinners and get all the willfully ignorant vitriol they could take for the low, low price of zero dollars. It is frankly disgusting that any service of this caliber would be provided for free. Thankfully, the Free Market has corrected this perversion of capitalism. Phil Labonte, vocalist of All That Remains, is willing to scream at you about LIBERTY for a mere $250 an hour.

labonte-molests-colliesEver wondered the opinions of possibly the most politically informed and opinionated singer in rock and roll? No, Jello Biafra has been pretty up front with his opinions since the 70s. Now is your chance to have the political conversation of your life with the man himself – Phil Labonte. You’re sure to impress your friends with political know how after this 1 hour Skype session. If Labonte’s Twitter feed is any indication of how this Skype session would go, I hope your friends are impressed with alt-right memes and pictures of guns.

Libertarian Philosophy doesn’t require a full hour to explain. It can be summed up in the three words that all Libertarians believe with hilarious sincerity: “Taxation is theft”. Libertarians desperately desire a world free from regulations, government, and the tyranny of taxes. They genuinely want government services to be abolished and replaced with offerings from private industry. Under libertarian principles, public schools would be a thing of the past. Poor children who could not afford private school can pull themselves up by the bootstraps and work in an unregulated factory for whatever wage their employer deigned acceptable because a minimum wage would be dismantled.

But Libertarian policies aren’t all sunshine and exploited children. Without government spending, the United States would be without our interstate highway system which would make it very difficult for Libertarians to purchase bullets at their local Wal-Mart. Without government cooperation, the Internet would never have been created, which would make it very difficult to Libertarians to post memes about guns and liberty to their social media accounts. Without government regulation, citizens would have the liberty to purchase tainted food and drugs. Granted, the free market would eventually reward corporations that prefer to manufacture medicine that doesn’t kill consumers, it’s a little hard to exercise freedom of choice when you’re dead from an overdose of liberty and also cadmium. You may be dead, but at least you didn’t have to pay taxes.

It’s an appealing ethos for people that believe they can be self-sufficient without essential government resources, but no one loves libertarian policies more than the obscenely wealthy. Captains of industry could finally forge their businesses without regulation. It is unsurprising that the most prominent Libertarians on Earth are the Koch Brothers. In the late 70s, Reason, a Libertarian magazine funded by the Koch bros, produced a guide for duping the common man into buying into the bullshit. You should read the full thing, but I’d like to call out my favorite crock of shit from the guide:

Libertarianism for decent folk. A decent, hard-working, never-thinking bloke will not buy “individual rights”—he does not understand what you are talking about. It is quite too late to send him to a Montessori kindergarten to develop his conceptual faculty. Instead, what you can do is to explain to him that libertarianism is just against one thing: CRIME. By crime you mean just what he means: theft, robbery, kidnapping, enslavement. He will of course agree, because he thinks this is obvious. Then you just explain (at great length, and with many examples) that taxation is armed robbery, that inflation through deficit spending and money printing is theft—as well as forgery of money—that [the] draft is basically kidnapping, etc.

But don’t just take my word for it, gentle reader. I encourage anyone that desires to embrace this totally legitimate and not-at-all-sociopathic ideology to make a pilgrimage to Earth’s sole Libertarian mecca, a land free of crime: Somalia.

Clearly, I have been indoctrinated by the liberal media and communist college professors. I need your help to be less of a whiny, liberal douche, which is why I am asking you to give me money so that I may learn the finer points of Libertarian philosophy from Phil “Galt” Labonte. $250 is a small price to pay for the unique insight of a Mises Fellow dude that does wack clean vocals in a metalcore band. Donate to my GoFundMe now!

RON PAUL 2012.

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Published on: September 19, 2016

Filled Under: News, Opinion

Views: 895

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  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    This guy and Aaron Lewis should hold hands and do a duet

  • RustyShackleford

    One of you fine chaps shared this on the FB, resharing since it’s applicable:

    On to my actual critical assessment: $250 is too steep a price for JUST the Skype session. Throw in a Johnson2016 bumper sticker and we got a deal. DON’T TREAD ON ME HURR DUURRRRR YEP!!!

    • Mosh Hoff

      JOHNSON 2016

      “Well, sure, I don’t see why not… ?”

      • RustyShackleford

        “Aleppo? What’s that? Let me smoke a blunt and get back to you.”

    • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

      Wow, that was great.

  • Mosh Hoff
    • hehe that’s a classic.

    • Óðinn

      Still funny.

  • I think part of the hilarity of Libertarians is the fact that they can say pretty much whatever they please under the guise that they are intrinsically different than the rest of us. Basically that means they can get away with saying “x,y, and z” because they have little to no chance in hell of actually implement any of it. Uptopia is a hard thing to achieve.

    Regardless, I am not sure if your opposition to Phil (or all of them, actually), warrants drawing attention to their (Libertarians) cause.

    Just my 2cents.


    • Mosh Hoff

      Dude, we NEED Libertarianed Radiocore to have something to laugh at.

    • The internet is filled with Libertarian rhetoric. The most effective rebuttal is to simply point out how absurd it all is.

    • The Guise of Intrinsic Difference, as interpreted by Jimmy McNulty:
      i’m going to start a church. (first benefit – tax exempt achieved). no shitty music allowed in this church. no gender benefits of any kind, all are treated equally. everything’s allowed that matches or betters my moral compass. lastly, everyone is encouraged to do recreational drugs
      “yes i know psychedelics are ILLEGAL, but this church is way different than your church. it’s intrinsically different, and therefore all is allowed. QED”

    • For good measure 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • So fresh. So clean.

  • RJA

    15% off sale at No Idea Records
    They carry a shit-ton of terrible emo/punk crap but also have a bunch of gems hidden in there. Great punk gems: Bad Brains, Black Flag, Skit System. Great Indie gems: Jesus Lizard, Galaxie 500, Spacemen 3 etc.
    I’m going to pick up a few Nick Cave records myself.

  • Don’t forget the most important part of libertarianism: Literally everyone who isn’t an ubercapitalist titan of industry is a filthy fucking parasite who should be grateful to lick the boots of the people kind enough to exploit them.

    • So pretty much the status quo, then?

      • Basically, but without any of the protections that government regulation bring. Also taxes that give us nice things like roads and emergency services.

  • Jason Kolkey

    Well said, Joe. This guy has done a lot to make me regret buying “This Darkened Heart” back in 2004.

  • Joaquin Stick

    I understand how a college freshmen could pick up a Rand book and become a brief soldier for this idiotic ideology for a year or so, but how anyone sticks with it for longer than that blows my mind. I’d be fine with them if they all weren’t such insufferable pricks about how “right” they are and how everyone else is just too stupid to get it.

  • Howard Dean

    The dude is clearly a douche bag, and I’m not a fan of his music, his opinions, or his general attitude about pretty much everything. But is it necessary for every metal blog to write essentially the same article about him once a month? It’s like beating up a kid in a wheelchair. He is a tough guy dumb ass, and underground metal fans and metal bloggers are his intellectual and moral superiors. We get it.

  • If I had $150k in disposable income, I would donate to this campaign on the condition that All That Remains stop playing music.

  • dan

    It’s a shame (and I suspect deliberate) that the American strain of libertarianism gets so much attention, left/social libertarianism is actually a pretty interesting idea.

    • I’m with you. I honestly cannot understand the appeal of this right-wing nonsense.

      • dan

        it’s very odd, it makes it seem like what they really object to is anyone else having a reasonable life, and people cooperating.
        That sounds kind of silly, but I honestly can’t think of anything else…

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Part of the NEW WAVE OF AMERICAN HEAVY METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • RJA

    On the one hand: I know we should ignore this idiot and never give him 250.00
    On the other hand: I would love to raise the money to have you do this Joe!

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Don’t you dare draw my dear, beloved John Galt into this, you uneducated communist cunt!

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse


  • Alice Betty Coltrane-Davis

    LA-BON-TAY? He some kinda FRENCHMAN?! Don’t need no Frenchie LaRue teachin’ me about capitalism, thanks.

  • Max

    Let’s not forget that great libertarian philosopher Murray Rothbard, who once claimed that it should be legal for parents to starve their children through neglect. Not to actually murder them; but to let them starve. His justification was that the market demand for unwanted, adoptable children would alleviate this moral dilemma. Says it all, really.

    I used to bring that up whenever I got into an online shit-fight with libertarians. The other tactic I had was to use this conundrum, whenever they started bleating about how nobody has the right to take their private property:

    The ebola virus gets worse, spreads across the developed world and starts afflicting members of the libertarian’s immediate family. Somewhere, a libertarian scientist discovers a cure for ebola. Not a vaccination; a total cure. “Great”, says the government. “Give us the formula and we’ll start producing and shipping the medicine.”

    “No way”, says the scientist. “This is my intellectual property. You can’t just take it from me.”

    “No problem,” says the pharmaceutical industry. “We’ll write you a blank check to compensate you for your labour. It’ll run into the billions.”

    “I don’t want to be compensated” replies the scientist. “I’m not interested in money, and I’m not interested in curing people of ebola or saving humanity. I only did this for the intellectual challenge. I’m about to flush the formula down the toilet anyway. The formula is my personal property which I can dispense with as I see fit. Nobody else has a claim on it.”

    And so the libertarian’s immediate family members die of ebola, along with billions of others. But one scientist’s intellectual property rights haven’t been violated, so that’s okay, right?

    I’ve never gotten a convincing answer out of any libertarian I’ve ever lobbed that one at.

    • Ah yes, the Market, that energy that flows through all things and would just solve everything if only the government wouldn’t get in the way of those billionaire job-creators.

      • Max

        Saying “the Market is always right” is like saying the weather is always right when your house gets blown down by a hurricane.

  • Óðinn
  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I loved The Fall Of Ideals. They make me regret that when they do things like this. I saw them once in 2013 and though I’m not a fan they weren’t as bad as everyone else there.

    • Fall of Ideals had some good songs. the album preceeding it was my fav tho.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    The having Phil yell at you thing sold out. I’m not joking.