Gimme Something to Watch: THE DAY MY KID WENT PUNK

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FUCK YES REAGAN AMERICA

“What do you do when your bright, lovable, talented kid turns into a punker overnight?”

Such is the question posed by The Day My Kid Went Punk, a 1987 Afterschool Special aimed at those most vulnerable to “The Punk Syndrome”, white, upper-middle class, suburban teenagers. Although 1980s America is notorious for producing “The Satanic Panic“, a witch hunt of moral outrage concerned with the effects of heavy metal on the youth of the nation, there were additional minefields for WASP parents of the era to worry about: drugs, Liberals, and the proliferation of punkers. This film tackles the latter danger with steely-eyed resolve.

SPOILERS BELOW! If you don’t want me to ruin the plot of a 28-year old Afterschool Special, don’t read this!

The Day My Kid Went Punk opens with a college orchestra performing classical music for an adoring audience of parents, clearly putting us within the prosperous world of Reagan America. The inhabitants of this film represent all of  the values of the era like shoulder pads, appreciation of the fine arts, and successful white people ready and willing to jump right up the asshole of any cretin that didn’t look and act exactly like everyone else.

Our protagonist, Terry Warner, is a star violinist in the orchestra. Unfortunately, he is also a total herb. After completing the performance, he asks total babe Lisa to join him and his parents for dinner. Lisa cruelly rebuffs his offer and leaves with a totally radical leather-clad dude.

Look at this fuckin' herb

Look at this fuckin’ herb

Terry asks his parents if he may “change his look for the Summer”, but his family aggressively ignores pretty much everything he says. It’s understandable, they’re all very busy people. His mother is a psychology professor, his father a writer and expert in “crisis management”, his brother a member of the Young Men’s Republican Club, and his sister a whining set piece.

Fortunately, Terry is headed out of town for the Summer. He will learn how to rock and roll with his electric guitar! And also, take care of children at a hotel where his mother is setting up a Psychology conference.

Your successful 1980s parents

Your successful 1980s parents

At the airport, Terry sees some totally bangin’ punk chicks who also rebuff his nerd-ass advances. He sneaks into the bathroom to trade his glasses for contacts, cut and spray paint his hair, pierce his ears, contour his makeup, and put on a BSDM outfit. By changing his look, Terry has completed all the requirements. Truly, he is a real punk now. His BADASS visage immediately terrifies adults and puts his new summer daycare position in danger.

BADASS

BADASS

In front of a group of toddlers, Terry strums out something that sounds like a WHAM! cover. Soon, he is magically transported to a stage where is ROCKIN’ out that WHAM! cover with a full ROCKIN’ band! Unfortunately, there is trouble in paradise. Here are some of my favorite things that adults say about and to Terry:

“He looks dangerous”
“Punker.”
“He’s getting weirder looking by the day”
“Delinquent”
“If his parents can deal with him all year, we can deal with him for the summer.”
“No respectable hotel would hire someone like you to look after children”
“I was told this hotel has class. Obviously I was mistaken.”
“Try looking like a normal human being.”
“Ziggy Ziggy Sputnik”
“Ziggy Ziggy Sputnik”
“Ziggy Ziggy Sputnik”

Terry’s week in punk paradise is put in danger when his mother and father make the trip to the hotel he’s working at. We soon learn that Terry is kind of an idiot because his mother is hosting a conference for psychologists and psychiatrists titled: PUNK SYNDROME: HOW PARENTS CAN AVOID IT. C’mon, Terry. You had to know that was going to happen. Get your shit together.

punk-syndrome

 

In a real worlds-colliding moment, Terry’s parents attempt to reconcile their sweet young son, with his totally bitchin’ new look. In an attempt to extend an olive branch, Terry invites his parents to see him and his WHAM! cover band perform to a packed crowd of enthusiastic people. Their performance rightfully enrages his parents.

A little girl with leg braces is sadly stopped from riding horses at the stables outside the hotel, which brings about my favorite out-of-context quote of the movie: “Strapping on is a bad idea. Besides, our insurance company won’t allow it.” Terry teaches the little girl that it’s alright to be different. Just as she has a physical disability, he dresses like an idiot on purpose. Everyone is happy.

Slowly, but surely, his family comes around and stops being so harsh to Terry for his outrageous appearance. He is granted praise for his virtuous deeds and positive personality. Everyone begins to appreciate him more.

Except for Professor Steinberg. Steinberg kicks Terry out of the orchestra because he doesn’t like Terry’s totally bitching new look. The joke is on Professor Steinberg, though; the hot little orchestra lady Terry hit on at the beginning of the movie? Now she’s all up on his jock.

Terry wants to dress like a punk so he can get attention, get laid, and play rock and roll music. And you know what? IT WORKS. Thanks ABC Afterschool Specials. You’ve taught me that looking cool and playing in a band will give me attention, sex, and popularity.

Want to experience the magic? You can watch the entire movie below. It’s 43 minutes long.

  • COAL GROHL

    Kid was onto something…

    • CyberneticOrganism

      GAH

  • Billy Corgan Sad At Disneyland

    This is a joke. Punk music isn’t bad. I’m Billy Corgan, I should know.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Look at the pussy ass “punk”. That dude thought he could fly too.

  • Dubs

    This post: 3 out of 3 flame emojis.

    • Max

      Choose mesh.

  • Dubs

    How long were the buttz in this film?

  • Boss the Turbid Ross
  • ME GORAK B.C.™

    STILL BEST AFTER SKOOL SPECIAL EVAAAAR!!!!!!!!!

    https://youtu.be/KnTGulIZZTE

    • CyberneticOrganism

      The Lunch Rum

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        GORAK WANT RUM 4 LUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • “Terry teaches the little girl that it’s alright to be different. Just as she has a physical disability, he dresses like an idiot on purpose.”
    Fucking LOL. This is amazing.

    • “Teen decides to make noticed from the rest of the crowd by becoming a Punk Rocker. “- IMDB.com

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    If I had a son and he became a punk, he’d get an axe to the neck.

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      I used to be a punk rocker, until I took an arrow to the knee.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Axe to the neck, you mean.

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          Axe to the neck, you mean.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Yes, i messed that up and own up to my awkward typo.

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Acks to the kneck.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Acks to teh knex.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™
          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            Fletsam and Jotsam

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            FLUSHsam and Jotsam

          • Dubs

            Bruh! This album rules.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            For some reason I never got into them.

          • Dubs

            This album is their best.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I should check the entire album out sometime. Although I’m not really into that 80’s thrash anymore.

          • Dubs

            Do it. Do it.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Will do soon. Even though I’m trying to protect myself here. If I end up liking it, it’ll another one to add to the neverending list of albums I have to buy a physical copy of.

          • Dubs

            Soon you’ll be tricking out on the corner for another hit of that sweet physical media.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            GORAK FEEL KING OV NY PAIN!!!!!! TOO MANY CD!!!!!! TOO MANY VINYL!!!!!! STILL MUST HAVE MOAR!!!!!!!

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            80’S & EARLY 90’S THRASH STILL AMONG GORAK FAVORITE METAL!!!!!!!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            KingOfNy likes every kind of metal except for deathcore, rap metal, hair metal and symphonic power metal.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            METAL ROCKS!!!!!!!

    • I’m pretty sure you’re the inspiration for about a million angsty punk songs.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I wouldn’t kill my child for being a punk fan. I believe that people like what they like and you can’t stop that.

      • COAL GROHL

        THAT’S RIGHT JIM. This silly tapir is just a sad, lonely person. He needs a hug.

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          I don’t need your hugs, I have dogs.

          • COAL GROHL

            I know a cry for help when I hear one

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          He does.

      • i dunno, i have to take Tapir’s side on this one

        • Dubs

          Especially if it’s powerpop like Hawthorne Heights.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That is accurate. They’re not punk but I enjoy them.

      • Dagon

        I think the axe is the best decision. You can still make some good dough on the side by selling the organs.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        You know what stops people from liking what they like? An axe to the neck.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          That’s murder. Murder is illegal.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Law is made by the weak.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Tell that to my dad.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Your dad is weak.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            He’s a lawyer.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            From their last good album.

          • neat song/album for sure!

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            The only law is do what thou wilt.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Love is the law, love under will.

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            What is love?

          • Baby don’t hurt me, anymore.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            DON’T FUCKING DO IT

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            BABY DON’T HURT ME

          • Mad Max Guitar Dude

            Um, I know for a fact that ain’t true. Entirely.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I didn’t know that.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        There are exceptions to every rule.

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        But you can sure as hell make them repress it.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I think that’s terrible that people do that

    • Dubs

      It’s the only way to be sure.

    • Salvador Dalí Lama

      Delbert Grady over here

    • “Kids these days, those little whipper snappers don’t know what it was like when I was growing up.” – Curmudgeony Old Man

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Nice find, Joe. Reminds me of an 80s version of this. Funny how every generation of parents has a youth fad to fear.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRLwV2xafpk

    • Dubs

      “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”

      ― Socrates

      • CyberneticOrganism

        “These damn teenagers are the worst generation ever! No respect for their elders!”

        ― Every human since the dawn of time

        • Fuck. Read the comments on that video. Same shit, different day.

          • Dubs

            That’s why I love dragging out that Socrates quote. We’ve always lived in lewronggeneration.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I’ve given Lady Organism explicit instructions to quickly lower me into the nearest molten steel vat if I ever start spouting off old man nonsense like that.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Very accurate.

        • ProfoundHatred

          These damn teenagers totally are the worst generation. How can you ride around terrorizing the neighborhood on RAZOR SCOOTERS?! When did that become acceptable for delinquents?

    • Good lord this looks awful. I wanna see it.

  • Rad write-up on the Icelandic black metal scene.

    http://grapevine.is/mag/feature/2016/02/05/9944685/

    • RJA

      Looks sweet – will read, thanks.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Fuck I can’t wait to see Iceland

      • Are you planning on going over? If so then fucking-Ay!

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Yes indeed. No idea when, sometime in the next couple years maybe.

  • It is interesting how non politically correct this video is. If something like this was put out today, the collective twitter- hemorrhoid that would second to non. Funny of how times change.

    Superb find, Joe.

    GL

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Article about the Icelandic scene.
    http://grapevine.is/mag/feature/2016/02/05/9944685/

  • RJA

    Joe,
    No way am I reading this – I’m going into watching it with an “open mind”.

    • i’m going to watch this tonight “on weed”

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I can’t be open minded about this. The whole opinion that these parents have is garbage. Not all people who like punk are bad. Same with everything like metal and other lifestyles.

      • COAL GROHL

        get angry JJD

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I am angry. People shouldn’t make people supress what they are. I like a lot of music and my parents hate it and try to silence my talking about it. I cannot tolerate that.

          • COAL GROHL

            you know what might help you with that anger? some LEAN

          • Dubs

            Or opium.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Or Lasol

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            What is lean? I’m somewhat happy now because Ace Frehley is coming to The Chance.

          • COAL GROHL

            we went over this yesterday bro

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Oh. I must have forgot.

          • Bro, I’m lean as fuck bro.

          • more beer

            He lives in Westchester. So he is pretty much is always in your area.

          • COAL GROHL

            upstate/downstate

          • more beer

            Last I knew Brewster. Upper Westchester.Still down state

          • COAL GROHL

            I always thought that upstate started at Sing Sing

          • more beer

            That is Ossining. I never really considered that upstate. It is still on the NYC side of the Hudson River. It also isn’t called Sing Sing anymore. It is the New York State Correctional Facility at Ossining.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Not as often as he should be.

          • more beer

            He may not be playing. But since he lives there he is always around.

      • RJA

        You’re clouding my judgment JJD!

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          At least my parents aren’t fundamentalis Christians.

      • more beer

        Calm down. It is just a bad propaganda film. Like every other After School Special. Don’t you know it is the medias job. To instill fear in parents.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          It is the media’s job to do that. I don’t pay attention to the media for that reason.

          • Dubs

            Dad rock is media. We are media.

          • Bro, you watched That Metal Show, Bro.

        • i know you wrote media’s, but i read it as “Madea’s”

          • more beer

            Hahaha!

  • more beer

    The funny thing here is by 1987 punk wasn’t close to as big as it was 8 to 10 years earlier. This isn’t the only one of these anti punk propaganda shows. I know for sure there was an episode of Quincy where he hunted down the evil punk rockers also. There were more but I can’t think of them off of the top of my head. It was a long time ago.

    • Max

      Ah yes, the “Quince” punks – those minor villains of ’80s TV and film lurking around diners and bus stops to be vanquished by the hero. Think the first scene of The Terminator.

      I once saw an episode of 21 Jump Street where Johnny Depp infiltrated an evil punk gang/band.

      • more beer

        There were so many of these shows. With the evil punk rock kids ruining the world. Which was actually the polar opposite of punk. Which has always been about social issues. But every generation needs a bogeyman. Punk was theirs.

  • One of these creeped me out when I was little. I think it had to do with a kid who wandered off from his parents in a supermarket. Then all these people in weird masks start chasing him. The lesson here was stay with your parents in public places or weirdos will chase and torture you.

    • wood watch

      • It’s probably hilarious now but not when you’re 5.

    • Dubs

      I used to hide in the clothes racks at department stores when they all had those circular ones.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Me too!

      • RJA

        Hell yea, I spent half my childhood in those!

      • COAL GROHL

        yes!! at Caldor mostly, but sometimes at Bradlee’s too

        • Dubs

          I don’t think I’ve been in either of those stores.

          • more beer

            You aren’t missing anything think K Mart.

          • Dubs

            Yuck

          • more beer

            That’s why I told you you weren’t missing anything.

          • COAL GROHL

            They were regional stores up here in New England in the 80’s. Like more beer said, think Kmart

          • We had those here in NJ back then. Must’ve been a Northeast chain.

      • I scared the shit out of my mom at the Bronx Zoo once because a friend and I wandered off and went back to the car. She thought we got kidnapped. Oops.

        • Dubs

          I did something like that playing Hide and Seek at a park. I thought my parents were just trying to get me to give up my killer hiding spot.

        • more beer

          I used to live right behind the Bronx Zoo. talk about a bad neighborhood. I would go to the zoo at least once a year. Love that place.

          • The wide and I like to head over there every few years.

          • more beer

            It is a great zoo. Too bad everything across Southern Blvd is like a war zone. Until you get up to Belmont Ave.

        • COAL GROHL

          my son is just getting into hide and seek…it’s so much fun

      • Guppusmaximus

        LOL…I did that shit too.Wasn’t it exciting weird when someone would shop from the rack you were hiding in?

        • Dubs

          Stick with exciting.

          • Guppusmaximus

            Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t alone in that euphoric feeling 🙂

    • Dagon
    • CyberneticOrganism

      Hail Krampus?

    • COAL GROHL

      are you sure that wasn’t just They Live?

      • This was before They Live, early 80’s at 3 or 4PM on a weekday.

  • Offtopic. These riffs are tasty. I am channeling my inner KJM atm…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRXIlMwO118

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      I’ve listened to this, it jams

  • Doomed, grinding and horrorful Death Metal force from Finland. Featuring ex-Archgoat skins man, Sinisterror.

    https://soundcloud.com/user-634526321-742050761/enter-the-necromonasteryinto-sempiternal-perdition

    • that build up starting at 1:33 and climaxing at 1:44 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Devastating! Fucking stoked for more of this. Really dug this track a lot.

        • plz post again when it come out in full!

          • Well, it’s only available on cassette so… No dice.

          • I have two cassette players. Maybe I should step up to the fucking plate?

          • It’s available from Iron Bonehead’s distro. Think I’ll be making an order. PLUS IT’S PAY DAY!

    • Scrimm

      DM from Finland>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        Finland<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

        • Finland Metal >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        • Scrimm

          You know you love it.

  • Thanks, Joe.

    Now, have a Wham! video just for ya!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    Where’s the rifftrax version?

    • Welcome to the Toilet!

      GL

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        Thanks! Apparently I threw done some comments here right when it started and then skipped a year and a half

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          In that case, welcome back.

          • The Tetrachord of Archytas

            Thank you sir

        • lucky for you, the toilet only became more dank over time

        • There is no better time to get back in than RIGHT NOW.

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Welcome to the porcelain toilet of doom!

    • Hi!

      Are you a punker, a big boy jazz, sadboi or a trees’n’shit lover?

  • Waynecro

    I knew a kid who came down with a severe case of Punk Syndrome once. He was cured when learned a fourth guitar chord.

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Hahahahahahahaha, best joke.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        And this is coming from some one that loves punk.

        • Waynecro

          Having a good sense of humor about the things we love helps prevent head explosions.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Very wise statement, this is.

  • Guppusmaximus

    Nah, I lived this already (Metal-wise). No need to watch the movie.

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    I wondered why I missed this after school special as I rarely missed the show. I then did the math and realized I was 21 when this one hit the air waves. Holy Crap Batman, where did the time go?

    • Guppusmaximus

      I don’t feel so old anymore, however, I certainly feel like I missed out on a better experience of the late 80s. I was only 13 living in a podunk Massachusetts town.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Ha! I primarily watched this series, after school not so ironically, while in grade school in the 1970’s. I just looked it up and they ran from 1972 to 1997. Wow!

        *Little did we know it but back in 1987 we were prepping ourselves for membership in the ToVH International community! MANY ROADS ONE VISION!

        • Guppusmaximus

          Yea, I didn’t watch it myself. *Nerd Alert* I was too busy watching Robotech, Transformers, Go-Bots, GI Joe, He-Man, Thundercats and playing tons of videogames especially in the mid to late 80s with the advent of the NES, Japanese Animated Movies (Akira was a mindfuck, FOTNS was crazy af) and , of course, Death / Thrash / Speed / Crossover Metal. Yea, I didn’t give two shits what some tight ass conservative’s opinion was regarding the evils of the world. At that time, anything that wasn’t kissing Christ’s ass needed to be banned. *way off topic*

          At least having the excuse of being prepped for this wonderful community makes me feel like it wasn’t all in vein… m/ m/

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            YES, many a great memory.

            “At that time, anything that wasn’t kissing Christ’s ass needed to be banned. *way off topic*

            Sounds like a whole new topic! haha

  • Eliza

    If this kid went black metal, his parents would die of shock.

  • hey Craig Bierko is in this! i’ve always admired his acting skills
    http://images.buddytv.com/btv_2_1211966_1_434_593_0_/craig-bierko.jpg