Gimme Something to Watch: Neowolf

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Do you like edgy hard rock? Do you like werewolves? You’ll love hate this movie!

An aspiring musician must choose between true love and ultimate power when he’s seduced to the dark side by a lycanthropic rock band.

The following terms in the above quote are debatable: “musician,” “true love,” “ultimate power” and “lycanthropic.” Neowolf (aka The Band From Hell) is a 2009 film directed by Alan Smithee (always a good sign) and stars a smattering of bad actors of dubious geographic origin acting badly in, maybe, three locations that aren’t open desert. Cheap!

Here’s a quick plot synopsis: imagine you’re an average American and totally-not-European college student trying to “make it” in the music scene. You’re traveling across America in your brand new Mustang like all Americans do, when suddenly you pass a mysterious tour bus that has the power to change your radio to shitty modern rock.

neowolf_screencap2neowolf_screencap4Ah, is werewolf music bus, yes?

While somehow recording untold hours of video footage for your girlfriend on your dumbphone, you get a glimpse of shadowy figures jettisoning an ex-band member from said bus. Who could these average-looking Hot Topic patrons be? Surely not a rock band of werewolves? Perhaps this dude is getting kicked out because he has a bad habit of wandering off to play guitar and fuck in the goddamned desert.

neowolf_screencap5What hell, bro? Is bullshit!

Wolf Bus and Average Blonde American College Student Named Tony will soon meet again, but not before we’re subjected to the ins & outs of the relationship with his very indecisive girlfriend Rosemary, who appears to alternate between hating and/or loving him depending on whether it’s an even or odd hour of the day. Tony screwed up when he hit the road to sell his body music, so he coaxes Rosemary to an open mic night where he yarls out a please-help-me-get-laid anthem for the ages.

Blown away by the fiery musical talent they just witnessed, the wolf band naturally assumes this guy can make the leap from acoustic college douche ballads to totally hard rockin’ monster rock star of rock. He plays a single song onstage and is now a full-fledged wolf band member, with all the included wolf bus privileges.

neowolf_screencap6This our new guitar playing. He make fine werewolf. Is okay?

Rosemary and her thousand yard stare are suspicious, however, and she’s gonna get to the bottom of… eh you can probably guess where it goes from there, but here’s a few previews to help you piece it together.

neowolf_screencap7This clay hand. I make love with.

neowolf_screencap8I get on sale!

neowolf_screencap9This is way my family make poo squat. Watch out for boot!

neowolf_screencap10Sneeze coming maybe, am not sure.

neowolf_screencap11Why you do this to me?

neowolf_screencap13Another American with gun! Fuss az életét!

neowolf_screencap14He break nose getting off wolf bus. Is problem. Happen too much.

Neowolf is, unfortunately, available to rent via Netflix DVD, and makes a poor, poor addition to the burgeoning “evil werewolf shitty rock band horror” genre.

(images taken from DVD release)

  • Alan Smithee is my favorite director.

    • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

      He did direct Hellraiser 4 which is my favorite Hellraiser movie.

      • Witch-Ripped KJM

        (blinks)

      • The fourth one?

        Wow.

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          I couldn’t make it past III.

          • I had a hard time making it past the second one.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            II had a lot more cheese but was still good imo. The first one is miles better, one of the top horror movies of the 80s.

        • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

          They have 9 of them. The ninth one is the worst movie I have ever seen.

          • I know, I was just asking because one of the acclaimed as one of the worse of the series.

      • Hellraiser Deuce is the best one.

        • I like that one. All the dialogues are changed with AräaÄÄäÄÄÄrarraAÄRRR’s.

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          First one.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Firsted

        • Choosing between Hellraiser and Hellraiser II is like choosing between Alien and Aliens.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            The first of both, almost a no contest.

          • Feh, I say to you. FEH.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            This isnt the first time today someone has FEHd me

          • If FEHs were fatal I would be dead a blowjillion times over.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Hellraiser I is better than II easily, and I won’t choose between Alien and Aliens. Both are excellent for different reasons. I may have a softer spot in my heart for Alien though.

          • That’s basically how I feel about Hellraiser.

          • That scene where the crazy guy thinks he has maggots crawling all over him and starts slicing himself up puts it over the top for me.

          • #2 childhood memory.

      • it’s not as bad as some say

      • Wut?

    • Max

      He directed the for-TV cut of Dune!

      • Witch-Ripped KJM

        I still can’t bring myself to watch Jodorosky’s Dune.

        • Óðinn

          Dune is a film that actually needs a proper remake. So, of course, nobody ever does it. Unlike Total Recall and Robocop, which were not in need of remakes.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            if Jodorowsky had managed to make his version, it wouldn’t have needed a remake. Remember, Dune was remade for SyFy Channel and it came out pretty bad.

          • Óðinn

            You’re right. It needs a proper budget as well as a proper vision.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            His version would’ve changed the face of sci-fi cinema forever just like Alien did.

  • nbm02ss

    I love watching absolutely terrible horror movies, i.e. Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars, so I might have to check this out.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      This one’s pretty great to rip on

  • Anyone else getting a Gene Simmons vibe from the first picture?
    http://www.geeksnack.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/gene-simmons.jpg

  • Maik Beninton™

    Oh man, I’m dying laughing at this, good stuff bro.

  • Is this Troll 2 level bad that it’s good?

    • CyberneticOrganism

      It’s not Troll 2 bad (few things in this world are), but it’s bad enough that it’s really fun to rip apart

      • CyBruh: which one do you like most? Neowolf or Turbulence?

        • CyberneticOrganism

          I love that Turbulence 3 looks like it had a budget of about a thousand bucks, and the fun of Neowolf is the weird pacing, editing and accents that make it look like a bizarre softcore porn is about to happen.

          • You have so much love to give.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            No joke, this is the wallpaper on my phone right now

          • I like how the 3s looks like google eyes.

          • Vote for Jeb

            I watched a particularly bad Netflix horror movie last year based loosely on Lizzie Borden. I’m pretty sure Gary Busey was in it, but he looked legitimately off his rocker, like they just took his pills and filmed him acting weird.

          • Vote for Jeb

            Edit: Redbox, not Netflix.

          • Dagon

            RedTube, not Redbox

          • CyberneticOrganism

            “McBain!” “Yea-heah!”

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T2S8GHzxqc

          • Vote for Jeb
          • Gary DrugaBusey

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            So… business as usual?

          • Vote for Jeb

            Poor dude.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            If they made a gary busey movie based solely on that premise i would watch it

          • Dagon

            Are there saxes in the soundtrack?

  • Waynecro

    Now that I’m sober, I seldom possess the attention span necessary to watch movies; however, this movie intrigues me. If I had a pal to make fun of it with, I’d probably watch it. I did just watch Creep on Netflix. I found it both humorous and terribly unsettling. Also, it sort of has a werewolf in it. Well, not an actual werewolf, but I’m not spoiling it with further explanation.

    • Witch-Ripped KJM

      I puff herb on the regular and I don’t have the patience for bad movies like I used to. I think quitting tobacco did a serious number on my patience and ability to focus.

      • Waynecro

        I got sober after several years of irresponsible drinking and came to the conclusion that alcoholic me has terrible taste in movies. I don’t think I’ll ever rewatch, like, 90 percent of the DVDs I own–many of which I don’t even remember buying.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Weve been watching House of Cards, a very dope show thats good on weed too

          • Paris Hilton

            This is the most EPIC documentary for the thinking stoner nerd. Bazinga! XD

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *banned for Big Bang Theory*

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Co-signed. The ex liked that show. I hated it.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            People hate on it a lot. I have a problem with their occasional misuse of scientific and nerd terminology

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            The Kush will be with you…always.

          • Waynecro

            I’ve been trying to convince my girlfriend to watch Lost with me, but she ain’t going for it–even after I watched all nine seasons of Friends with her.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Im not big on either of those.

          • Waynecro

            I’m a philosophy nerd, so I got into Lost back in the day. I haven’t watched it since, but I want to check it out again.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Have you ever watched The Prisoner?

          • Waynecro

            No, but it sounds pretty neat. I may have to check it out.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Yes, absolutely. If you want to see where Lost got much of its inspiration from, then The Prisoner is a must see.

          • Waynecro

            I definitely see some similar themes. I’ll try to watch it sometime, but if its ending is anything like Lost‘s, I’m giving up on TV.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            You have no worries on that front.

          • Waynecro

            Have you ever read The Third Policeman? I think Lost got at least a few ideas from that book.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I’ll look it up.

            There’s an old ABC Movie Of The Week called Haunts Of The Very Rich which was a precursor of sorts for Fantasy Island that I believe Lost borrowed a bit from as well.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnJC9Qjk0Qo

          • Waynecro

            Come to think of it, they may even mention The Third Policeman by name in Lost. I may have to watch that entire movie when I have time. Thanks!

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I binge-watched Lost while skipping the soap opera crap. I’ll probably never rewatch it, but I don’t consider it a total waste of time.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            There is no woman in The Universe worth putting up with that amount of soul-crushing horror for.

          • Waynecro

            It wasn’t the worst thing I ever sat through. I maintained sanity by tracking the weight fluctuations of the show’s stars over the course of nine seasons.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            No amount of Lisa Kudrow could make that nightmare of a “show” worth watching.

          • Death

            Fuck. That. Show.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            There are not enough rusty chainsaws in all of Creation to fuck that horrific, blasphemous abortion of a TV show with. You would still need more.

            “We can watch Friends. It’s always on.”
            -True Detective Season 2

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            – Dirty Jobs on discovery

          • CyberneticOrganism

            THIS. It’s a fucking horrible show that makes me hate everything and everyone… more so.

          • Waynecro

            Yeah. But that episode where Chandler does something Zany and Ross is all like “Derp! I like dinosaurs!” had its moments.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I hate them all. I want to see them get torn apart Hellraiser-style.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            The creepiest one is the one that clicks all the time. I lub hellraiser

          • Waynecro

            Hellraiser is the shit, man. I think I liked all of those films–even the kinda-shitty ones. I have a model of the puzzle cube on the mantle.

          • more beer

            Upvote for the hate!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I disagree with this argument

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I can see why you would disagree. I put up with some pretty bad TV hanging out with my ex(who I would still be with if it weren’t for the whole “insanity” thing. Her not me btw) but we did have definite TV boundaries. No “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “2 & 1/2 Men” around me, and no BSG, Star Trek, or Dr Who around her.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            We middle ground on st:tng and highlander. Our tv tastes are similar, i just get subjected to pro football rarely. I get to help her with fantasy drafts tho because of my statistical mind

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            We had more than enough common ground on that front. Adult Swim cartoons, Twin Peaks, Game Of Thrones, and Walking Dead.

          • more beer

            So you attract the crazy ones too? What sucks is they always seem pretty normal in the beginning.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            It’s not her fault. Too many abusive relationships fucked with her mental health. She has little to no ability to trust anybody long term.

          • more beer

            I`ve been with girls like that too.

          • more beer

            I used to fuck with people who watched this show by asking “what you dont have friends of your own?”. One of the worst shows ever.

          • oh she can put up with all five season of Lost. FIVE. FIVE

          • Waynecro

            That was my argument! “C’mon, baby. Don’t be like that. It’s only six seasons…. Fine. Put Food Network back on.”

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Ummm…

          • Two, at best.

          • more beer

            I can`t believe that didn`t cause you to end up in a mental hospital!

          • Waynecro

            It was pretty touch and go there for a while, but I made it through all nine seasons with my sanity reasonably intact. Playing my Nintendo 3DS and reading during the show helped me maintain.

          • more beer

            You`re a better man than me.

          • Waynecro

            We all do what we must for the people we love.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Once I get a hankering for political intrigue again I might give that a shot.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Its good for other reasons.

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          Good on ya, bro. Stay healthy and watch good movies!

          • Waynecro

            Thanks. I try to watch good movies occasionally, but most aren’t all that good. Creep was decent, though. It’s pretty short, so you don’t risk much in giving it a shot.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Assuming you mean Creep as in the Tube monster film, you might appreciate Christopher Smith’s other horrors even though they’re all different. Severance is more outright humorous, Triangle is a headfudge set on a boat and Black Death is a bleak mediaeval outing. All have their definite merits.

          • Waynecro

            Actually, I was referring to this Creep: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2428170 . Thanks for the recommendations, though. I’ll have to look into those films.

      • Sober or not I have very little patience. I like to have some idea if a movie is good or not before investing my time in it.

    • well there’s always the ultimate movie, which is amazing when sober or drunk: Miami Connection

      • Waynecro

        I just read about the film’s plot on Wikipedia. How have I never heard of this before? Surely it is a masterpiece!

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Fucking amen, McNulty. Fucking amen.

  • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

    Is this really worse than Turbulence 3?

    • CyberneticOrganism

      In a way, yes. In another more accurate way, fuck yes, it is indeed worse.

      • Dagon

        I used to think that wasn’t possible

  • Dagon

    I just came in to say that since I saw the cover for this post I kept thinking that it must be a close up of the face from this cover:

    • CyberneticOrganism

      What the fuck is this?

      • Dagon

        It’s a split. Good tunes, nothing ground breaking but solid doom/sludge from both bands.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Action Figure Hunter vs. Destroyer of Social Life

  • Paris Hilton

    The only other time I hear “hard” “rock” and “werewolf” in the same sentence is when people tell me, “Wow. Your rock hard abs remind me of Taylor Lautner’s; who played a werewolf in the popular young adult series ‘Twilight’. Except better.” You wouldn’t believe how much I hear that in those EXACT words.

    • Witch-Ripped KJM

      If you go to Pornhub or TubeGalore you might see/hear it a few times.

    • more beer

      You better watch out JJD will hit you with much Warren Zevon. Just for the mention of werewolves.

      • Witch-Ripped KJM

        A brilliant,lesser known Zevon track featured in True Detective.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULKmb3_P_N8

        • more beer

          I am very familiar with his work. I went to high school with 3 of his cousins. 2 of him I liked a lot.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I saw him once solo acoustic during the mid 90s, great show.

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            My dad saw Warren Zevon quite a few times. He saw him in 1981 and a few other times I can’t remember. Do you remember his supergroup Hindu Love Gods? They were comprised of him and the members of REM.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I do, but I’m not an REM fan so I didn’t so much.

          • more beer

            I`ll bet. We are old and have seen a lot good things. My first show by myself was King Crimson touring for Discipline. I had seen Black and Blue and Van Halen and Sabbath with my cousin before that. But one of the shows I am most proud of was seeing Dizzy Gillespie. What an awesome show that was. I`m so glad my buddy talked me into going to that.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Lucky you got to see Dizzy. My first concert was March 1982, Black Sabbath Mob Rules tour. Unfortunately the opener was a unknown band called Wrabit. I didn’t get to see Crimson until the 1995 reunion tour, and the only VH I’ve seen is 1988 Van Hagar. I also saw David Lee Roth in 1986 and 1988.

          • more beer

            I do feel blessed for getting to see Dizzy. Fripp, Belew, Bruford were incredible. I still listen to that from time to time. Sabbath and Van Halen back then were kings.

          • more beer

            Are you watching the republicans on cnn. fucking scary.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Oh God no, avoiding it like the plague. I already take 2 bp meds, don’t want to test their limits.

          • more beer

            I consider you a friend I don`t want you to have a heart attack. But fuck it was a whole lot of Reagan worship. We both lived thru Reagan America never needs that again!

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            I saw on Twitter that at least one of the clowns thinks Reefer Madness is a viable strategy in this day and age.
            Even at age 13 I knew a dark time was coming with Reagan. Mom was so upset.

          • more beer

            I must of missed that part. But it doesn`t surprise me. Yesterday was tax free day on recreational weed here. Because Colorado has made so much on the weed tax that they have to give the taxpayers a rebate. I read an article on yahoo the other day that was about the supposed bad things that have come with legalization here. It was total propaganda. It was sponsored by the rocky mountain drug corridor task force. A bunch of cops trying not lose their funding. Not to mention losing all of their illegal forfeitures. I find it funny they know the cat is out of the bag and there is no stopping the momentum of legalization. You can smell the reefer madness` s peoples desperation in the air. The one thing good that came from Reagan was a lot of really great album art.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            A lot of good protest music came from the Reagan era as well.

          • more beer

            a lot of really good angry punk rock was spawned because of him.

        • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

          Also, his album The Wind is so beautiful and depressing. Transverse City is a disturbing and accurate version of the future in album form and I love the classic albums of his. It’s a shame Linda Ronstadt got famous off his stuff as I’m not a fan of hers.

      • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

        I love Warren Zevon but consider Werewolves Of London not as good of a representation of who he really was. I consider Excitable Boy, Gorilla You’re A Desperado, Play It All Night Long or Roland The Headless Thomson Gunner quintessential Zevon. Plus, Kid Rock ruined that song for me with his blatant theft of the piano line in that one song he wrote. I won’t even name it because I don’t want to subject anyone to it.

        • more beer

          I know you love him we talked about him last week. As for Kid Rock I know who he is. I`ve only heard the occasional radio song. So I have no idea what song you are talking about.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Here’s a press blurb about the Zevon show. WZLX were smart to book this show at the Charles River Hatch Shell on the same day(later in the afternoon) as the MassCann fest on Boston Common.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            You picked it lol

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Doesn’t that Werewolves of London song rip off that Kid Rock song? Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long. Mmmmm, love that track!

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            No. Werewolves Of London predates that shitty song by quite some time.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Wrong JJD. Kid Rock is love, Kid Rock is lyfe

    • JamesGrimm
    • Ted Nü-Djent ™
  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    OT ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ MOMENT: just a friendly militant atheist reminder about the republicant forum tonight @ 8 on CNN.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      The weed gods spoke unto me this night. When i found the dearth of my most dire needs, they sought to provide me with a gratuitously packed bowl hidden in the profundity of my love for its divine graces

      • more beer

        I`m drinking this. I love the weed gods. Sorry it`s sideways. But it makes sense this and bourbon.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Sadly we cant make sex to it

          • more beer

            But we can still love the herb!

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Looks pretty ballin to me

          • more beer

            They a pretty fucking good. If I drink the entire thing at once it`s like tripping.

    • Witch-Ripped KJM

      Apparently there are/were 2 GOPLOL debates today.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        There is the childrens (less then the top 11 in polls) and the groan ups (the top 11). The same as the last debate exceot Carli Fiorina has been allowed into the top candidates (because ratings)

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          Ah, gotcha.

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Trump/Palin 2016, you heard it here first. Kanye/Kim 2020.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        Kanyes super pac just released its first videos for 2020 this week. Fucking kill yourselves now or become expatriates

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          Picard/Riker 2016

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Now they you could trust.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Kiss me, beautiful

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            mwah!

          • Witch-Ripped KJM
          • Lacertilian

            I feel that Data would be a better VP.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Either Attorney General or Chief Justice. You can’t get more fair or impartial than Data.

          • Lacertilian

            Dude’s got the cpu power to run many facets easily.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        This is not the first time ive heard Palin in assocuation with Trump, she wants to be the head of the DoE but doesnt know what that entails.

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          Someone like Ben Carson or Jeb will overtake Trump as front runner before too long. They’re both catching up by leaps in various polls.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            The Illuminati won’t possibly let a free man like Trump have the nomination.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Eh, if the “Illuminati” exist in that fashion, than Donald Trump is a charter member. To paraphrase Carlin, they all have their own private club and we ain’t in it.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            The problem is that people dont realize trump is establishment. An establishment democrat really.. the gop is floundering like a fish out of water. Itz trying to throw our country backwards.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I really hope they don’t let Huckabee have a go. I’m not from the US so he won’t actually affect me but man he seems like an incredible tool.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Nah, someone like him would never get near the GOP nomination these days. The GOP nom will not be an overtly religious person.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Huckabee christy, paul, jindall, anyone except trump, carson, bush, fiorina has no chance atm

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I kinda like Paul, if only because I feel sorry for his terrible nominative determinism.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            His father was better

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Apart from ending the drug wars and foreign interventions, I didn’t have much use for him either. I did vote for him in 1988 though.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Plz vote fir Asheville city council Blackbeard 2017

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            The assumed frontrunner according to the suckkoch brothers would have been scott walker but his radical politics do not a president make. Expect a surge for kahn casick

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          If it’s anything other than the Department of Egadswe’redumb, she’s not qualified.

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            She couldn’t run a lemonade stand without getting bored and quitting after 15 minutes.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Lemonade: one cup 16 trillion

        • Witch-Ripped KJM

          Even McCain didn’t want Palin as running mate at first, he wanted Joe Lieberman but the LOLGOP said no.

          • more beer

            All they saw were her tits. That`s what happens when you live a life of repression.

    • Death

      “Friendly” and “militant atheist” don’t go together too well.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        I dont even kno what to not believe about that

        • Death
          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            You win, Most Finnish Aevangelical Tapirs

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            That’s not good advice for someone who’s already very religious such as myself.

          • Pingu

            JJD, are you a freemason?

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            No.

          • Pingu

            That’s exactly what a freemason would say!
            Theory proven! 1+1= JJD is a freemason!

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            I don’t even know how I could be a freemason. I’m Catholic.

          • Pingu

            How to be a freemason:
            1. Believe in a god
            2. Know a few freemasons
            3. Get recommendations
            4. Profit

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            JJD is right. Catholics can’t be Masons. Maybe the rules have been relaxed in recent times, but that’s mostly a Protestant thing.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyL5mAqFJds

          • Pingu

            Now I am probably wrong here, but wasn’t Henry Ford a Catholic?

          • Witch-Ripped KJM

            Wouldn’t know without looking it up.
            Historically, The Vatican has always viewed Freemasonry as Satanic. Maybe that’s changed, I’m not sure.

          • Pingu

            Catholics also see pedophilia as a sin and look how that turned out.

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            I don’t know any Freemasons!

          • Pingu

            Well you better start finding them then!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            If colonel sanders is dead why not jesus

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            Colonel Sanders may be dead but he is now played by Norm MacDonald on the new KFC commercials.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            im so mad ab the racist cl. Sanderz kfc canpaignx

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            The real one may be dead but his legacy lives on with the new commercials.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er_owYCDZUk

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Ive seen them jjd. I speak with less of an accent than you

          • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

            I don’t have an accent.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            People think im from the north because i can create multisyllabic words

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Yank

          • go home, Comic Sans, you’re drunk

    • Steering clear of this but I await youtube remixes, mashups and other assorted comedy this will likely provide.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Cheers for alerting to this no doubt stellar effort. I’ll shall try to catch it in November during my turkey challenge, or earlier or whatever.

  • CT-12
  • Sgt. Poopypanty’s Fartin Teeth

    Pffffffffffffffffft, Kung Fury for the win (excellent article about a magnificent film though). Forget every other film ever, cancel the Academy Awards and tell every actor on Earth to go home, this is 2015’s best film!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS5P_LAqiVg

  • Witch-Ripped KJM

    Uncle Acid understand that if you ain’t got the blues, you got jack. More scenes from my Monday night.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6PCyNsYUsI