From the Depths: Belphegor’s “Conjuring the Dead” Reviewed

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As a public service, we will occasionally highlight comments that you need to know about. Today, esteemed commenter RiotAct666 brings you news you can use with his review of the upcoming Belphegor album Conjuring the Dead.

(click to embiggen)

belphegor

belphegor1
Conjuring the Dead drops August 5th on Nuclear Blast Records. You can preorder it here.

That’s it for today folks. I apologize for not bringing you the latest in novelty birthday cake news. Check back tomorrow.

***ALSO: There is a janky workaround for the mobile commenting bug: if you flip your phone to landscape view, you should be able to see everything.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • W.

    That’s super weird about landscape view. Also, I still don’t think RA gets our rating system.

    • Deputy Dipshit

      Discovered the landscape workaround last week lol

      • WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?

        • Deputy Dipshit

          I thought it was just my dumbass phone!

          • Sight Vnseen

            I’ll share some blame for that one. I’m technologically impared, so I just ran with it.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            great avatar – glen benton’s cat ? hahahhahahhha
            welcome to the thunderbowl
            there is only one rule –
            BYOTB – bring your own tiolet brush !

        • you ready to get your motherfuckin’ mind blown? you can right-click on the down-vote icon on a comment and click “inspect element” — it’ll show you how many downvotes it has!

          • MIND=BLOWN.

            AMAZING! I really want to spend hours going through my old intentionally stupid MS comments.

          • Paris Hilton

            I’ve actually been thinking of making a Peanut Gallery type post of all the awful, incoherent, and ridiculous shit that has been thrown my way on MS haha

          • i can imagine some people getting flack on there, but you?

          • Paris Hilton

            YES I HAVE lmfao! Usually it was with the truly ignorant of MS (i.e. Varg fanboys). I also got in a pretty big flame war with that douche from Vital Remains. Now that was hilarious!

          • MoshOff

            When was this and why was I not informed? Pics please!!

          • Paris Hilton

            Here’s a pic I got when it happened. There’s much, much more. I was giving him shit for waving a gun around and this was the result.

          • Guest

            Sorry, my phone is fucky.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            hahhhahaa, the mispelling is classic. It almost seems to good to be true. Preparness takes it over the top for me.

          • *two good to be trve

          • The Satan ov Hell

            Sad but trve, radikvlt

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            Was brian werner on there ? What name was he going under ?

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            dita how could you leave me for this fruitcake. *choking back tears* I will still take you back even though that thing had his thing in you. As long as the doctors say you don’t have some kind of disease you caught from him.
            Really though, does munson have powers of mesmerism to get these women ?

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            ….

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            italian classic euro muff mondays – edwige fenech (france)

          • my last name is French. coincidence? yup.
            *edit: boy did i fuck that up. *needs more wine.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            I don’t think there is enough bandwidth available for all that shit.

          • Sponge Of Mystery

            do like, a best of hester kukk

          • Mook Styfawker

            WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MAGIC?!

          • Cockypock Aioli

            Ah crap this can’t be good…for me.

          • LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN

            How do I make that work on my iPad?

          • who knows! i still listen to music on a Zune!!!

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            man, i need your take on this pic. Now, bear with me, dita is at the same time super sexy and feminine BUT also seems to be more masculine and ballsy than munson. He comes across as a non entity – a neither here nor there creature that posesses no genetalia. Most interesting. And frankly disturbing to my psyche.

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          joe , how is this for the only rule on the board.

          BYOTB – bring your own toilet brush OR
          BYOP – bring your own plunger, hahhahhahha

          • 3 Rules for the board:
            1. Everyone has to be nice. 2. For the sake of my cubicle-dwellers, images should prob be mostly SFW. 3. BYOP.

    • Christian Molenaar

      RiotAct does what he wants, who are we to question?

      • Paris Hilton

        RiotAct666 is never early, nor is he late. He arrives exactly when he intends to.

        • SMOHLG

          Sic reference, bro!!!

        • Mr. Bojangles

          He’s the hero that toilet ov hell deserves, but not the one it needs. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

  • Deputy Dipshit

    All hail Brother RiotAct666!

    A community that flushes together, stays together!

    Period!

    *commences playing We Are Family in the key of flush*

  • Howard Dean

    Hail Riotact666 the prodigious flusher!

    Hail Helmut the Conqueror of third-world Typhus!

    Hail the demonic brutality of Belphegor!

    Hail me, the primal screamer! Let me front your black metal band! We will go all the way to Maryland Death fest with me on the mic!

    Byaaaaaaaaah!

    • Howard Dean

      *Deathfest

      Do not hail autocorrect, for she is a cunt!

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        Dear Mr. Dean
        You are my boy’s favorite politician and he and i spend many a evening watching all your speeches and reliving the thrilling saga of your pursuit of the democratic nomination. Thank you for the inspiration.

        YOUR FRIEND
        David J. Smith.

        • Howard Dean

          Dear Conan,

          You are going to run the Secret Service for me! Battle axes, maces, and broadswords for every swinging dick that enlists in the Service. I want a pile of skulls that stretches from Cimmeria to Washington, D.C! Byaaaaaah!

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            guns ? we don’t need no pussy guns ! REAL men killing with a real man’s weapons !
            We will get the presidential seat you so richly deserve and our first edict shall be the wiping out of false metal and shitty core bands. I am on a stealth mission with jack bauer now to eliminate those enemies of the american way king 810 as we speak.

  • The Satan ov Hell

    I got a leak of this album and I have to agree, I’ll be pre-ordering it.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      this mic stands kicks no small amount of ass. I think these guys know what’s up with the live show. Blood instead of the pancake/panda makeup is far more effective. Corpsepaint was cool in 93, 21 years ago. It is the same as thing as bands today still going with the full glam poison look ( ie it ain’t happening except for that one shitty novelty band) Have you ever been to one of their shows SoH ?

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      do you think belphegor is on marduk’s level now ? I think they eclipsed dark funeral a long time ago. Interested in your take as a specialist.

      • The Satan ov Hell

        I’d say they are on marduk’s level yeah. Although Marduk isn’t the most “GRIM TRVE KVLT” neither is Belphegor, musically Bephegor has always been a behemoth and just crank out good release after good release, but lyrically still behind Marduk “FUCK YOU ALLLLL” is not the best lyricism out there. Still though, I am a nerd who actually prefers the lo-fi recording edge, which I feel could either enhance, or be a detriment to the music of both.
        In short: Yeah, Belphegor are on par and on the right track.

    • LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN

      can you message a link to the leak files to me over in the FB group?

      • The Satan ov Hell

        Not got a facebook, but I use a site called getmetal.org

  • Mother Shabubu III

    “(click to embiggen)”

    How cromulent of you.

    • JWG

      I’m glad nobody so far has ripped off my idea to name a mallcore/scenecore/sumeriancore (parody) band “Embiggening the Cromulent” yet. Though I should put some manner of copyright protection on it, especially since I’ve gone and repeated it in a public forum.

      I will gladly surrender it to any writer of The Simpsons, for whose use it would make much more sense, though.

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        You must bring a beautiful virgin for KING CONAN’S Harem. Then i will have my high priests act as an intermediary on your behalf as regards your request of using CROMS name. I can make no guarantees. Since your are a member of high standing in the TOILETDOME i will put in a good word for you.

  • Gorgasm

    I really appreciate the lack of penis cake, unless it’s a freshly castrated phallus. Then it’s a party.

    i’m also a bit confused as too how new rating system works; less flu$hes=moar br00tal?

  • Paris Hilton

    “A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.”
    -Jebediah Springfield.

  • Paris Hilton

    Screw Haxl Po$enburg & his blogging team of hacks! METALSUCKS.NET! NOW ONLY AVAILABLE ON WINDOWS PHONE AND XBOX LIVE!

    TOILET OV HELL = METAL!!
    METALSUCKS= POSERS!

    Period!!!

    *flushes Axl down RiotAct666’s Supreme Toilet of Justice.*

    • Mr. Bojangles

      I love you Paris. Please post a picture of us together.

      -Mr. Bojangles

      • Paris Hilton

        Ask and ye shall receive

        • Mr. Bojangles

          That was when I was a wee kitty, before I began my take-over plans.

          -Mr. Bojangles.

        • Oh lord that makes me horny as hell.

  • God

    *turns phone sideways*…shit why didn’t I figure this out sooner.

  • The Prophet Mohammed

    Joe, it’s time you give RiotAct666 a column. Nothing fancy just an advice column along the lines of Dear Abby or relationship advice. The potential for this is limitless. PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!!

    • I would love to! It’s up to him though.

      • maybe but not gonna happen soon 🙁
        gonna get my mojo running m/

        • Deputy Dipshit

          Can’t rush greatness! m/

    • SleepingStars

      Oh. My. God. This is brilliant.

  • Gurp

    See now, THIS is worth the rent.

  • B00mhauer

    Talkin bout good ol’ Riotact hittin a nail on a head man. Good old black death hail satan man. Yo. Razor cuttin riffs talkin bout Belphegor delivers. Dang ol riotact doin good in the community. Yo.

    • Damn straight B00mhauer.

      • B00mhauer

        Talkin bout a dang ol’ lovin new blog dang o’l real metal talk man, yo. Dang ol’ spearheadin’ a dang ol’ operation click click click doin’ it right man. Yo.

    • LAMENTATIONS OF THE WOMEN

      Razor?

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        hey mang, you be stealing my old act chico, dat ain’t cool mang, we don do that chit in cuba mang.

        Jesus christ , poor lex luger man, i feel sorry for the guy.

        • B00mhauer

          Talkin bout mad respect for dang ol Conan, yo. Talkin bout old school metal dang ol picture imbeddin don’t ever change man. Yo.

    • Toking bout respect yo! Thank fo ur suport!!!!!!!

      BELPHEGOR IST KRIEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JWG

    I discovered the weird workaround in a very novel way.

    I dropped my phone, and just happened to pick it up sideways…

  • I love the lack of ads and pure gayness on this shitter. I would crap on this toilet any time without hesitation. Bravo gentlemen.

    • Sight Vnseen

      Load pages in two seconds using this one weird trick!

      • dafuq?

      • Metaphysical Anus

        We need more click bait!

        • MoshOff

          Watch this old man’s reaction, you won’t believe your eyes.

    • ghey. flush!!! no homo

      • im gay, what in sam hell are you talking about? *FLUSH* OOOHHHH!!!! TESTIKLEES HAS SPOKEN!!!!

  • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

    vince n’ axl after being arrested for pedophila on a recent trip to kazakistan.

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Oh no, I feel so sorry for them

  • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

    BREAKING NEWS – check out the special guests on trunk nation tonite :
    the awesome chris jericho & gilby clark ! AHAHHAH – jericho just said he wants fuzzy to be viewed as VAN HALEN in style. hhahahhahhahha. Nice scarf buddy,

    • Between The Buried & Smee

      I got so lucky that when his band was supposed to open for Saxon, they had to cancel.

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        yea i remember when i saw that billing, i was like what a bunch of bullshit. I know biff would not have requested them for an opening band. And to think that fuzzy would even be a draw, they can’t draw flies except for people that know him from wrestling. The band is a joke and i just heard their new song bad tattoo (real original eh ?) & it is complete tripe.
        There was also talk about steel panther opening for priest and what the reaction would be. If anyone on this site goes to a priest show it would be cool if they could review it.
        I dump on trunk, but he knows some inside shit. He said he knows motley crue are NOT done with touring. The talk is that in a couple of years they will set up another residency in las vegas ( thus not officially touring again) The bands and their retirement tours, Its a shit money grab, priest did it, scorpions did it. It’s just not cool to the fans. Rush have been around 40 years, no break ups , no false retirements, Unlike scorpions and priest rush have been filling arenas since 79 and have never stopped doing so. Both priest and scorpions have played much smaller venues in my neck of the woods over the years.

        • Between The Buried & Smee

          Im thinking of going to Priest, and Eddie Trunk is smart. He’s a very opinionated man, who only really likes the music he grew up with. Jim Florentine is where its at, he’s funny, his podcast is great.

        • Brian_aka_Guppusmaximus

          Yea, don’t forget the whole Ozzy “No More Tours” bullshitfest…

  • Mr. Bojangles

    Trapped Under Flush