Friday New Music Hustle: Putridity, Slugdge, Cult Leader, Soilwork, Nightfell, So Hideous, and More!

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So many hot tracks have dropped this week, y’all. As someone who respects the hustle, I have a sworn duty to keep you abreast of the situation.

A couple months back, a single new track from brutal bruisers Putridity surfaced on the internet beneath a layer of grime and sweat. Now the band are finally streaming their obscenely punishing new album Ignominious Atonement over at Invisible Oranges. This thing is heavy. When I told Joe about it, he asked me how heavy. Allow me to answer. Ignominious Atonement is heavier than the combined emotional baggage of Joe’s and Masterlord’s dream journals. It’s heavier than it has any right to be, you dig? Plus, the art and lyrical themes revolve around the jacked-up masterpiece Eraserhead, so it’s impossible for this thing to be any heavier. Stream it over at IO and peep that artwork below.

_____________

If you’ve been following the blog since its inception, you’re likely aware of my obsession with the best slug-themed death and black metal band in the business, Slugdge. Way back in July of 2014 (!) I reported that the band was already hard at work on the follow-up to their sophomore album Gastronomicon that they dropped like a trail of slime earlier last year. Sadly, the Euxton duo reported on Facebook yesterday that they are running a bit behind on their third oozing expulsion. However, they have revealed another new track to stem the tide of Mollusca’s wrath. “The Chapter for Transforming into a Slug” will make your skin crawl in all the best ways, showcasing the band’s signature interplay between shell-shattering riffs, militant mollusk martial chants, and dynamic shifts. I eagerly await my slimy rapture.

_____________

Utah quartet Cult Leader have risen from the ashes of Gaza like a furious phoenix flaming with vehement vengeance. Fans of Gaza have been hotly anticipating the new band’s debut full-length, Lightless Walk, for quite some time. Now you can actually stream the first advance track over at Decibel. “Suffer Louder” is a deathmarch at lightning pace through shifting, scorching sand; the brutality of this song is as criminal as the bombs over Baghdad. If you missed the 7″ EP Useless Animal that was also released this year, you can jam it below!

_____________

Maestros of the melodic Soilwork have returned with another new track that continues to show they are one of the best guitarmony bands in the biz. This new track, “Enemies in Fidelity” doesn’t really break any new, er, soil, but it does include all of the elements fans of this band love. Catchy choruses, flashy solos, and speedy drums abound. If you want to catch the band on tour in support of their new album The Ride Majestic, you can see them on the road with Soulfly, Decapitated and Shattered Sun. Tour dates below courtesy of Loudwire.

09/30 — Los Angeles, Calif. — Fonda Theater
10/1 — San Francisco, Calif. — Regency Ballroom
10/2 — Portland, Ore. — Hawthorne Theater
10/3 — Seattle, Wash. — Studio Seven
10/4 — Vancouver, British Columbia — Rickshaw Theatre
10/6 — Kelowna, British Columbia — Level Nightclub
10/7 — Edmonton, Alberta — Starlite Room
10/8 — Saskatoon, Saskatchewan — O’Brian’s Event Centre
10/9 — Winnipeg, Manitoba — Park Theatre
10/10 — Minneapolis, Minn. — Amsterdam
10/11 — Joliet, Ill. — Mojoes
10/12 — Des Moines, Iowa — Val Air Ballroom
10/13 — Cleveland, Ohio — Agora Theater
10/14 — Toronto, Ontario — Opera House
10/15 — Montreal, Quebec — Corona Theater
10/18 — Columbus, Ohio — Northland Performing Arts Center
10/19 — Pontiac, Mich. — Crofoot Ballroom
10/20 — New York, N.Y. — Gramercy Theater
10/21 — Baltimore, Md. — Ottobar
10/22 — Knoxville, Tenn. — The International
10/23 — Atlanta, Ga. — Masquerade
10/24 — Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. — Culture Room
10/25 — St. Petersburg, Fla. — State Theater
10/27 — Houston, Texas — Scout Bar
10/28 — Austin, Texas — Empire Control Room
10/29 — Dallas, Texas — Gas Monkey
10/30 — Albuquerque, N.M. — Sunshine Theater
10/31 — Mesa, Ariz. — Club Red – NO SOULFLY
11/1 — San Diego, Calif. — Brick By Brick – NO SOULFLY

_____________

Cvlt Nation (and Tyree) tipped me off to a new track from Nightfell. Hot on the heels of their 2014 debut, the Oregon duo is turning up the heat with new song “Rebirth”. Tremolo riffs, infernal barks, and excellent use of atmosphere work perfectly to create a frightening vision of ferocious hell hounds pursuing me across a frozen landscape, eager to drag my weary soul into the terrible abyss beyond. Hopefully I can keep running until their next album Darkness Evermore drops.

https://soundcloud.com/20-buck-spin/nightfell-rebirth

_____________

Earlier this week So Hideous released a gorgeous new track called “Yesteryear” from their upcoming album Laurestine. If you enjoyed their last opus Last Poem/First Light, you’ll find plenty to love here. The group continues to establish its identity as one of the more poignant and emotive black metal bands by integrating orchestral and choral elements into their music in an intricate and purposeful manner. Those parts are as much of the appeal of So Hideous’ music as the searing black metal facets and help lend these lush, nuanced songs a vibrant and powerful atmosphere. You can pre-order Laurestine here and catch the band on tour with Set and Setting in a town near you. Dates courtesy of BrooklynVegan.

8/22 Tampa, FL – Orpheum*
8/23 Atlanta, GA – The Earl *
8/24 Raleigh, NC – Slim’s Downtown *
8/25 Richmond, VA – Gallery 5 * #
8/26 Harrisonburg, VA – The Golden Pony * #
8/27 Philadelphia, PA – Kung Fu Necktie *
8/28 Brooklyn, NY – Silent Fest @ Saint Vitus Bar * +
8/29 Rockaway, NJ – Backroom Studios +
8/30 Allston, MA – O’Brien’sPub + ^
8/31 Montreal, QC – Turbo Haus +
9/1 Ottawa, ON – Cafe Dekcuf +
9/2 Toronto, ON – Coalition +
9/3 London, ON – The APK +
9/5 Chicago, IL – Red Line Tap +
9/6 Cincinatti, OH – Northside Yacht Club + ^
9/7 Dayton, OH – Blind Bob’s ^
9/9 Nashville, TN – East Room ^
9/10 Savannah, GA – The Jinx
9/26 Tampa, FL – Plan B Block Party
10/30 Gainesville,FL – Fest 14

_____________

There are plenty of other releases threatening to damn your wallets to the place of weeping and gnashing of teeth, so steel yourselves for the coming storm. Check out some other steel beem melting songs below.

(h/t Tyree, Roshin, Jack Bauer, Karhu, and a couple of you other bros in the Facebook group whose disqus names I can’t recall at the moment)

(Photo VIA)

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Soilwork is still a thing?

    Edit: Listening to the track now. Those clean vocals can fuck off. And that tour sounds terrible. Fuck everything.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      It’s not a good song. Its a shame because I enjoy their older work.

      • Max

        They were never my favourite band, but I must say that A Predator’s Portrait is filled with guitar solos that are – and I don’t use this word often in describing shred guitar – beautiful.

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      It’s not for me, but I know dudes were digging it in the FB group.

      • Herr Schmitty

        I was, anyway!

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro

          Aye, I know it! And that’s cool.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Well, good for them. It was just so glossy, pretty, and happy. No thanks.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          Def not your thing. I know guy who heard the whole thing and said it sound like they wanna go AOR/Prog at times.
          Did you ever dig them? Even the old ones?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            There was a time. A buddy of mine was big into them at one point. But it never grabbed me.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            It seemed like for a period of time years ago you couldn’t escape that band. The hype was unreal. Never appealed to me, they always sounded like something Devin Townsend would like. Super over produced clean happy time metal.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Thank you. About sums it up. I’m listening to an old track on spotify and it sucks. Just sounds like glossier At the Gates.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree
          • Weird. This is the exact image I get in my head when I think of the words “West Virginia”

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Looks like something that should have been featured in Gummo.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            That chick on the left is so erotic.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            I bet she likes to lick door knobs and other things.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Or anything, for that matter.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            True. I’d party hard with her.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            You know she likes to party.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree
          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            He’s out cold after being hit by that car trunk. The ref is counting 1,2 and 3. That car is your new WCW Hardcore Champion!

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            He’s alright, his face broke the fall.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That’s gotta hurt most of all.

          • Óðinn
          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            What teeth?

          • Howard Dean

            You know she’s been on the receiving end of more than one trailer park gang bang (more than likely filmed by some sleazy porn company).

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fuck yeah. Trailer Park Gangbang Part 69.

          • Howard Dean

            Backdoor Sluts 12: If the Trailers ‘a’ Rock’n!

          • Guacamole Jim
          • Dagon

            That’s Russia to me.

          • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

            I read that as “That’s Parana to me”

          • Dagon

            I was gonna say it but only you would get the reference hahahaa.

          • Howard Dean

            It’s Russia for us, too. We just like to pick on West Virginia and Kentucky (and Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas…), because they are sort of our “domestic” Russia.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Ye, I’m getting a big Russian vibe from that picture.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Just out of frame are three shirtless overweight men, a four-wheeler, six giant trucks and a stolen park bench covered in Bud Light and Coke cans.

      • I never understood the hype for that band. Even when I was listening to melodeath I still thought they were nothing special.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Upvoted for “fuck everything”

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Good man.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Good king.

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

      … I liked those clean vox.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        That’s good.

  • Scrimm

    That Putridity sounds like a big step up from their earlier shit.

  • Dagon

    Don’t skip on the new Kylesa as well. I have a feeling it will be much better once the full album drops than what the individual tracks are hinting at.

    –Edit–
    Finally listening to this So Hideous track. It sounds lush.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Not a big fan but nevertheless, not feeling this newest track at all.

      • Dagon

        Both tracks I initially enjoyed but felt there was something lacking. I think I’m gonna warm up to it after a while.

    • I like the first track they put out but this second one didn’t grab me. I only listened to it once so I will revisit.

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Respect the hustle my bizzznatches…can u dig it?

    • Dagon

      Can I kick it?

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Im down with kickin it…

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro
      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        eryday brizzum…

    • CyberneticOrganism

      “Let’s do the hustle!”

    • Guacamole Jim

      Awwww… ball python <3

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        yeaa ballers python my dawg

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I loved this game on PS2.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            Me too…I used to play with my stepson all the time. Now hes a teenager and Im a dumbass…it took him a while to figure it out….lol! I jest…(kind of-sad face :() !

    • Things this guy loves:
      Doritos
      Mountain Dew
      G-Fuel
      Only leaves his house for work/school, the rest of his time is spent leveling up on Call of Duty.

      • Dagon

        Don’t forget triple whoppers. Those are time savers.

        • And in Man vs Food fashion he comsumes them in between rounds, roughly a minute or two.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            must be hot as fuck!

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree
        • CyberneticOrganism

          Ew

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            That’s not what that dude is saying. That guy is loving life so fucking hard.

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          no more chewing! fucking genius!

        • He’s not going to drink that, he’s to hook himself up to an IV so he can play video games uninterrupted.

        • Stockhausen

          Ah ah ah, you didn’t say the magic word
          Ah ah ah, you didn’t say the magic word
          Ah ah ah, you didn’t say the magic word

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Doritos, Mountain Dew, we got Doritos and Mountain Dew here!

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        And not a fan of vaginas. Had to be said…

        • He is vagina repellant. Bring him with you anywhere there are single females and you are guaranteed not to even be looked at.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Nice.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I can see that he’s never been with a woman. I feel bad for him.

        • He doesn’t need a woman, he faps to anime tentacle porn.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I feel even more bad for him now.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            thats hot!

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Me too

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        my god all of that sounds so awesome! want it all now..

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        And this (if it were a thing for real)

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          wasn’t that the name of Anvils fist album?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I wish they called it We Should Just Quit Now

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Hey there he is!

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        sup killa?

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          1.44am. I tired but I’m finally listening to my Chelsea Wolfe so I’m gonna fight that urge to go beddy byes

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            no work for u tomorrow right? …no rugby or futbol game in the am?

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I went and watched my team Canterbury Bulldogs play tonight and they won in a real dominant display which with the play offs only a few weeks away was heart warming. Tomorrow I just take the boy to swimming lessons and tyhen make a playlist for my mates Bucks next weekend and also one for his wedding. Soccer has finished for the year so no running around tomorrow, my team got the wooden spoon 🙁

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            sounds cool man! enjoy your day!

    • Waynecro

      Snake handling is serious business.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Damn straight…

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    That Slugdge is a beast, although speedier than I associate with the name.

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      I like it a lot. It’s good to see them vary things up.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Aye. Slow, slower and slowest may be trve but its a bit of a cul de sac in the end.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      I stand by my words, the chirus aounds like Anaal Nathrakh. And I like it.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Not a bad way to sound at all!

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    Tim Call is a mad man. Dudes involved it a fuck ton of other projects including war metal act Weregoat and funeral doomers Aldebaran; plus he is in fuck load of other projects that I’m not very familiar with.

    If you like that dreadful dystopian sound of Amebix with a more blackened touch then try out Nightfell. If you like it then also try out Ruinebell who released a new track not to long ago as well. Features Dopi from Machetazo and Lasse Pyykkö from Hooded Menace.

    http://www.nocleansinging.com/2015/07/19/seen-and-heard-on-a-sunday-part-2-putrefied-remains-ruinebell-skialykon-waken/

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Ruinebell>>>>
      In fact, Pyykkö>>>>>>>

  • Slugdge>>>>>>>>

  • Howard Dean

    For the three of you that might care, more details just got announced: The new Ride for Revenge album, Ageless Powers Arise, will be released this fall on CD/LP from Bestial Burst. Release date and preorders coming soon. It promises to deliver the typical RfR goods: huge bassy grooves, guttural madness, and ritualistic and hypnotic darkness worshiping black metal. No compromises or apologies from these chaps, just ugliness.

    *Disclaimer: BestiaI Burst releases its share of black metal with controversial themes and from unsavory characters. However, RfR are not at all a political band. The band itself should not offend, but I must issue a ToH Trigger Warning for some of the other bands on the label.

    Cover art for new album:
    http://bestialburst.com/rfr_ageless.jpg

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Not encountered these cats before but I like the sound of ’em. Nice and no nonsense.

      • Howard Dean

        They’ve taken the underground by storm in the last few years. Very unique band. Also very prolific (they release a lot of stuff–they put out an album last year, and have already released a split this year).

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          I guess underground metal shares academias publish or perish ethos.

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      I have Enter the Gauntlet from last year. Never listened to anything of theirs before that though. Pretty decent catalog.

      • Howard Dean

        I really enjoy their stuff. It’s very unique. Super bass-heavy trance inducing black metal. The bandleader, Harald Mentor, is involved in all kinds of Finnish music projects.

        • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

          Yes, very doomy! Especially this song.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqIJXx8lIs8

          • A Most Curious Poo Poo Pile

            *super slow headbang*

          • Howard Dean

            Great track. I love that they can bring the filthy as doom and combine it so well with black metal.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Definitely a lot of Beherit in their brand.

        • A Most Curious Poo Poo Pile

          This is straight up filthy and feedbacked as hell, just the way I like it! And perfectly lo fi.

  • I listened to that Cult Leader jam 20 times already. Definitely a highly anticipated release for me since Gaza is one of my all time favorite bands.

  • The first time I heard that slugdge song at work last night i thought there was thunder outside at a few points in the song. Not sure what is doing that but it’s fucking cool.

  • Spear

    The new Slugdge track sounds nothing like I expected it would, but exactly as awesome as I hoped it would be.

    • Their guitar tone is one of the best things in the world.

    • DCLXVI

      agreed

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

      I’m getting some Meshuggah vibes here.

  • Stupid Browncloud will not stream the new Fuck The Facts for me. Guess I will wait until this evening.

  • 365chaosriddendays

    New Horna sounds good to me, there are some other new songs on streaming by Cult Leader, a track called “Suffer Louder” and by Black Breath “Slaves Beyond Death”

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      Yeah that new Horna song is tight. Nothing crazy, but it’s evil and plodding. Vocals really carry that song I think. Plus that production is mighty fine.

      • 365chaosriddendays

        Nothing crazy indeed but not awful, I agree on production too, World Terror Commitee cares about quality of sound, speaking about finnish Black Metal, there are some news about Behexen, three years has passed since “Nightside Emanations”

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    Soilwork was better when they were ripping off early In Flames/At the Gates

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uNQdFb7_yFE

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      That’s one of the albums I checked out earlier and it was too At the Gates-ish. Also the cover reminds me of Slaughter even.

      • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

        Fair, but it was 2001 tho–At the Gates had broken up, and In Flames had already become terrible. I took what I could get back then.

    • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

      I got a promo of their’s years and years back, and found it pretty forgettable. That’s about all I’ve heard of them.

  • So Hideous is kinda grooving me this morning. Looking forward to checking out more.

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    It seems Blasphemy is signing up for a bunch of festivals and shit recently. Hopefully they do a tour or something this winter.

    Blasphemy, Pissgrave, Genocide Shrines, and Revenge! Or some line-up similar.

    • Howard Dean

      Blasphemy has been revealed as the replacement for Antaeus at the upcoming Nidrosian Black Mass. The dude from Terratur announced it this morning. Would love to see a tour in the U.S.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        They got confirmed for MDF Netherlands too. Not sure why they are not on the MDF U.S. Roster though. Although, MDF did announce that there is 1 or 2 more bands being announced for the Rams Head stage which is the black metal stage there. So hopefully Satan makes this happen.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          I thought they couldn’t come here due to criminal records.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Hmm, good point. Strange that they can go overseas though.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            True. But Frost is able to travel all over, except for here. Same thing when Dissection tried to do a New York gig.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Bullshit. Well, so much for that. Guess I’ll have to travel to Canada to see them for some festival at some point.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Looks that way. Sorry to let you down duders.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Goddamn, do I love being let down. Fucking disappointment is the best.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            “Hey fatty, we got you your favorite thing: disappointment.”

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            “Looks like someone is out of tune”.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Now you’re talking. Only death is real.

  • Guppusmaximus

    I guess I must be getting old…because none of this shit does it for me. And that Soilwork tune is pretty crappy. Just sayin:)

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      As I said, the Soilwork isn’t for me, but I know dudes dig it. But yah, pop a purple pill or something, gramps 😉

      • Guppusmaximus

        I could pop a shit ton of purple pills but that doesn’t mean it’ll make me want to bang fat chicks. *zinger* lol 😉

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro

          Hahaha

        • Is this your roundabout way of asking for Goldschläger?

          • Guppusmaximus

            Only if you’re mixing it with Dr. Pepper and providing an American flag…

  • Guacamole Jim

    So Hideous is fucking cool. Digging it a lot.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      So hideous. So cool. So wow.

      • Guacamole Jim

        So fresh. So clean.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          So sad. So boring.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            You just descriped my daily life.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Aren’t we all?

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Yes, yes we are.

          • Guppusmaximus

            Speak for yourself… The boring part would take too much work. I’m just sad.

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    Some of this music is a’ight

    • You’re a’ight*
      (*a’ight = sexy)

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Aww schucks!

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Several of these are working for me, Dark Sermon, Fuck The Facts (although less than I’d like it to) and Putridity too I guess.

  • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

    Equilibrium released this about 3 hours ago.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNrJqTtpZ_U

    (meanwhile, you’d laugh at what I’m listening to now)

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      I wanna laugh. Tell me!

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          This ain’t making me laugh. This is making me wanna kill myself painfully.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Well, you asked. Listened to that after the Ride For Revenge track below. Go fig. :-p

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            If it were funny, it probably would.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Make me laugh then. I know Tapirs are incapable of laughter. They are the Dr. Spock of the animal/deity kingdom.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Ok ok ok I’ve got a good joke
            What’s the difference between a baby and a trampoline? You take your shoes off when you jump on the trampoline.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Funny, in a sick way!

            Ok………. a man keeps farting in bed, and his wife tells him over and over to stop farting. One night she said “honey, you’re gonna fart your guts out”. And he laughed at her. One night, she put some chicken guts next to him to show that she wasn’t joking. He woke up the next morning, and told her “honey, you were right. I did fart my guts out. But by the grace of God and two fingers, I got them back in there!”

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Ok that was a pretty good one.
            How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
            An epileptic.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there’s this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, “Say, what’s up with the guy with the big orange head?” And the bartender says, “It’s an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he’ll tell it to you.”

            So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, “Yeah, I’ll bet you want to know the story, huh?” To which the man replies, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”

            The man with the big orange head sighs and says, “You know, I’ve gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it’s like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little — when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!

            “The genie thundered, ‘You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.’

            The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: “So I said, ‘Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.’

            “The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills — I mean, I was loaded!

            “So I said, ‘Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.’

            “The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

            “The genie booms, ‘You have one wish remaining.'”
            The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, “Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head. “

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Not quite getting that last part.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            The joke is that throughout the entire time you’re reading it, you’re anticipating a climactic ending to this joke when in reality there is no joke.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Gotcha.

        • Waynecro

          Never before have I so desperately needed to fuckin’ dance.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Ironically, my best friend is the one who got me into them, and he’s a death metal drummer.

          • Waynecro

            That’s fucking awesome. I actually like a lot of Japanese groups. Dem melodies.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
          • Waynecro

            That’s quite the stage show. You know, I’m not at all impressed with most Western pop/radio-rock music, but I’ve accidentally enjoyed a variety of stuff from Asia. I just prefer the melodies and compositions–probably because they’re so different from those in the crap I grew up hating. I like this band:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgBoyDCJEi8

  • sweetooth0

    Slugdge>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • sweetooth0

      Starting my second playthrough on that track. Killer shit!

      • dude, it was fucking good!

  • Stockhausen

    Dang my wallet! Dang it to heck!

  • mayyyyyne i could discuss soilwork all day.