Friday Flush: Booking Tours <<<<<

Touring with a band rules – there are few feelings better than being on the road with friends and playing your music to fresh audiences. When I graduated college I said I’d take 1-2 years off to “do the music thing” before putting on grown-up pants and going to neuroscience graduate school. That was 4 years ago.

Much to my own chagrin, there are no signs of me stopping doing “the music thing” anytime soon. I just keep joining/starting new bands and getting thirstier and thirstier for the road. Of course I insist on playing difficult music that only niche audiences are ever going to like, so it’s not like anyone is chomping at the bit to be my booking agent and bust their ass to make 10% of the $60 that we guilted indifferent punks into ponying up for the show each night. No, that burden falls squarely on the shoulders of me and my bandmates. Touring might be magical, but BOOKING tours is tedious, mundane, and soul-crushing.

There is a fun component of booking, where you become a detective sleuthing around another city’s music scene via Facebook pages, venue calendars, and alt-weekly blogs to find the cool bands, venues, and promoters in a given town. I’ve actually found some of my favorite bands via this process, but the frustration sets in when you attempt to contact these “artists” and find out that every insulting stereotype about musicians being lazy flakes is COMPLETELY FUCKING TRUE. My life is an endless marathon of sending carefully worded messages to bands that get marked as “seen” but never responded to. A curt “no” is always much more appreciated than complete silence, because then I know to move on, instead of waiting for a reply just in case they’ll get back to me the next day.

If you hit up a venue, the venue asks if you have any local bands booked. If you hit up bands, they ask if you have a venue booked. If you hit up a promoter, they’re often too swamped with shows to help out your weird-ass band that is stupidly trying to tour in August, the busiest time of year for DIY touring.

But it’s not all bad – I’m making connections with other weirdos all across the country, and it’s gratifying when a band you admire actually instantly says they think you’re cool and wants to play with you. It also gets easier the more you do it because you make a connection here, a connection there, and eventually you’re only a degree or two separated from someone who organizes shows in any given region. It helps if you return the favor and put on shows for touring bands back in your home city, too.

Now in Friday Flush format –

GOOD: Making new friends across the country.
BAD:     Me – “halp me wit show pls, i luv u” 

Them- “ seen Thursday at 10:17 AM”

UGLY: It’s summer which means it’s muggy af in Minnesota which means it’s eternal swamp-ass season for full-time cyclists like myself.

YOUR TURN NOW, ‘SUP Y’ALL????

Written by:

Published on: May 27, 2016

Filled Under: Open Swim

Views: 960

  • PUUUUUMPKIN BAAAAABYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      He’s everyone’s “good” this week.

      • HessianHunter

        :3

  • Jason Kolkey

    Been working on a few dates of my own lately, and I can certainly relate to everything you’re saying. Hit me up next time if you want to come to Chicago.

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      Hails and horns to ya, my north side brethren! I’d be more than happy to kick it if I were still there.

  • Good: Started my new job recently. I have Wednesdays Thursdays and Fridays off and I’m making way more than I did at my previous job. Suck it previous job.

    Bad: I slept through a great thunderstorm last night. This is some bullshit and I need to rent someone’s TARDIS plz.

    Ugly: Hodor 🙁

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      I don’t want to get into a lengthy discussion for all the cats on here that don’t stay up to date, but let’s be real, we didn’t actually even see anything. GoT is a show where I generally need to see a mutilated corpse before I decide anything (and even then it might not matter!)

      • Yea but this is game of thrones not the walking dead. We didn’t see anything with Stannis either.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          … true, but a character later reported what had happened. I’m just saying…

          • maybe melisandre can bring him back lol

        • EsusMoose

          With stannis it was fairly obvious he was dead. Others not so much but this death is heavily implied to be a death

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Implied.

          • EsusMoose

            I feel that scene borders on showing it completely just the angle doesn’t show it.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            I just want to be right about this, no matter the personal cost.

      • tigeraid

        Agreed. I predict a warging into him and a surprise in an upcoming episode.

    • Fuck Frodo

      • That furry fucker!

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        I like your joke, but please do not hate on Frodo.

    • tigeraid

      FUCKING HOLD THE DOOR!!!! 🙁

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    All good broski’s….enjoy your American long weekend, and you dudes not in the US…have fun working on Monday

    • JWEG

      Fortunately we had our Monday off this week (Victoria Day), so it basically balanced out.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    GOOD: got Sunday off work to attend an all day hip hop festival.

    Also, X-Men: Apocalypse ruled butts.

    BAD: I think the downtown office was trying to call me regarding work this weekend. Fortunately for me, I was in a movie, lol

    UGLY: me. I need to do something with this.

    • dudebro, i should be going to see X-Men this tonight. glad to know it came with Edward’s seal of approval. have fun at your hip hop festival, introduce them to moshing plz

      • tigeraid

        Interesting. I heard many bad things about it. But I’m also a Marvel Studios nut-hugger and will happily hate on anything not in that Universe.

        • did you happen to catch BvS?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            *raises hand* I did, I did!

            Strongly preferred both Cap III and X-Men, didn’t hate it though…

          • Cap III was pretty amazing. BvS kicked my ass…right in the nuts.

          • tigeraid

            NO.

            EDIT: srsly, I fucking hate Superman with the fury of a thousand suns. And DC in general. Except Batman, which may be mankind’s greatest invention.

          • Lacertilian

            Consigned on the Superman hate.
            Fucker has always seemed so lame.

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        I’m holding out for the Guardians Of The Galaxy sequel. I’ll have to see if Deadpool’s on Netflix yet. I had high hopes for Doomsday saving the new Superman film, but judging by the trailers, they fucked that one up even worse than Smallville did.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Who will be at this Hip Hop fest you mention?

      • Lacertilian

        Ed-P.
        Big Ed.
        Kedrick Lamar.
        Actioned Bronson.
        A Tribe Called Ed.
        Kool Ed Rap.
        Flatbush Zombeds.
        The Underachieveds.
        Edkwon.
        Methed Man & Redman.
        More to be ednounced

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          WU-TANG ED

          • Elizabeth Short

            Is most certainly not anything to be fucked with. Or, so I’ve heard.

          • Lacertilian

            Naw, y’all got it all wrong! I fuck with Ed-Tang all the time, very chill dude.

          • Elizabeth Short

            Damn it, lizard man, you killed the joke.

          • Lacertilian

            The rap game is serious business!

          • Elizabeth Short

            Then I suppose you should focus all of your energy on protectin’ ya neck. And then if you’ve spare time gettin’ the money…dolla dolla bills, and what have you.

          • Lacertilian

            I can’t fold, I need gold.

          • Elizabeth Short

            May I suggest looking into Wu Tang Financial? They will definitely help with your investments and allow you to diversify your bonds. They’ve an advert on the interwebs.

          • more beer

            That’s right. They will quadruple your money with the re-up!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Don’t worry, I won’t.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Uh, I’m most excited about seeing Pharoahe Monch (never seen him), The Roots (same), Common (same), and even though I don’t listen to Doomtree much I’ve seen them live and they are good live. A few others too!

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Nice!

        • more beer

          I would go just for Pharoahe Monch.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: I get paid soon, the new Monkees album is out, the new Katatonia

    Bad: hours are going down due to my job hiring more people

    Ugly: the new Lacuna Coil.

    • Mother Shabubu

      For teh lolz, I don’t remember why I was on that page, bu M$ gave it 4.5/5

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Which album? Lacuna Coil or Katatonia?

        • Mother Shabubu

          Cristina Scabbia and some other people.

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      I’ll agree on the LC. I rarely criticize them since I have a huge respect for Christina, but the new songs I’ve heard are fucking awful.

  • EsusMoose

    Good: Been trying to get back into working out regularly. Chilling at my parents while I search for apartments. Got overwatch and besides screaming at my team and many failures it’s a fun distraction.
    Bad: Had to put our oldest cat to sleep Monday. As pumpkin baby said Minnesota is humid and the heat makes it worse. I feel like I’m wasting all the time lately.
    Ugly: Tried Chipotle for the first time and currently feeling its wrath. The working out happens after dying on the toilet.

    • I don’t understand this nonsense about Chipotle causing intestinal distress. It’s pretty much just meat, beans, and rice. Staple foods and such.

      • Staples? no wonder there’s intestinal distress duh

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Never had a problem with Chipotle myself, and I love the stuff eat it all the time.

        However, I can understand with how they try to use fresh stuff and some of their food standards, that things could sometimes go astray.

        • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

          You’re thinking Cafe Rio, not Chipotle. Worked in both and can say that Chipotle’s food is far from fresh. Hence the health scare. Though, to be fair, I think Chipotle’s problems might lie with the food distributor more than anything. I can understand one or two instances, but on a nationwide scale? That’s definitely something to do with a major common factor, aka the distributors.

      • EsusMoose

        I don’t eat a lot of beans and Mexican food in general is not well received by my body.

      • Pentagram Sam

        Yea, them and Freebirds are pretty much interchangeable to me. Used to eat the Chi-pottle when visiting the ATL and when I moved to the 210 there was a Freebird’s close by. Just give me a big ass burrito and I’m good. AND I get it loaded down with shitloads of habanero sauce.

        EDIT: Also with the big “Scare” Chipotle had with people getting sick. Well, if you’re that big of a wuss to die from eating a burrito, you just weren’t meant to last long on this mortal coil.

        • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

          Ummmmmmmmm, I have an iron stomach, but if I’m gonna risk E. coli, salmonella, and Typhoid Fever, it’s gonna be for something like puffer fish, not for pre-packaged garbage made by pimply faced, fresh out of high school kids scratching their ass and balls behind the line (talking from my thankfully short experience working there back in 2002)..

          • Elizabeth Short

            Had severe food poisoning for two weeks when I lived in Nashville from…wait for it…Jack in the Box. Yes, I should have known better, but it was the only thing open nearby. Lost a ton of weight and almost died. Not the most fun I’ve ever had. Also, fugu is stupid expensive.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            I’m amazed they’re still around. They’re practically synonymous with food poisoning.

      • Mother Shabubu

        If these gringos can’t handle the tepid spice of a generic taco joint, I can’t imagine them eating actual spicy things like Indian foods.

        I’m sad that with all these Mexican immigrants (legal or not) around that there aren’t more authentic Mexican places everywhere.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          I love Indian foods.

          • Mother Shabubu

            Give me some chicken kolhapuri or goat mirchi with a side of hot naan and I’m a happy guy.

            At least until I finish eating and remember the bleakness of life.

          • i want to ship you some local Afghan food so badly! or com 2 St. Louis and i’ll take you

          • Mother Shabubu

            I’ve always wanted to do what Bourdain does, but I’m too disgruntled and afraid of things.

            PS: Rest in piss St. Louis Blues

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Can you ship me some Schlitz?

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            You…………… you mentioned my all time favorite beer! I……. am so proud of you! *claps and wipes a tear from my eye*

            You can get the Blue Bull Schlitz on the east coast. Dunno about the original though, which is my all time fave beer.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’ve never heard of Blue Bull Schlitz.

          • Groo The Wanderer

            It’s the high gravity version of Schlitz. Tastes like drain water at an abandoned train station, but it’ll get you tossed and scummy in a hurry. Nowhere near as good as the original.

          • Stanley

            Indian Food > Mexican Food > Sushi > All other food.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            Loves me some Indian food, but NOTHING beats sushi!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            BBQ>the rest of your list

        • more beer

          I have found the best way to choose a Mexican restaurant. Is to see how many actual Mexicans are eating there. If it is 90% Mexicans it is probably good. If it is all white people look for another one.

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        Well, you have heard about that salmonella and E. Coli breakout they had nationwide, right? And a couple of employees ended spreading Typhoid Fever. There’s that………………

    • our local BDubz patron is complaining about Chipotle. now i’ve heard it all

      • EsusMoose

        I’m not saying it’s bad, twas a great meal and better priced that I expected. Bdubs is a rare thing and my body knows how to deal with it (aka full body flush )

      • tigeraid

        “Hey, this sub-par flash-frozen trash is fucking delicious. But that disgusting conveyor-belt assemblage masquerading as food disagrees with my stomach.”

        • a stomach beaten down by decades of White Castle and St. Louis style pizza (Shabubu, here’s your time to shine) cares not about the toxicity of Chipotle

          • tigeraid

            Dude. Duuuuude. How can Americans eat White Castle. I had it for the first and last time in Detroit. The fries were garbage and the cheese on the burgers looked like it was curdled milk. WTF. Makes McDonalds look like something on the Iron Chef.

          • i’m convinced the only way it works is if the parents start exposing their kids to them at childbirth.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            Might as well introduce your kids to meth, krokodil and eating Styrofoam cups out of dumpsters at that point.

          • more beer

            Don’t leave out lead paint chips.

          • EsusMoose

            The thrill of white Castle isn’t the shitty food but the ability to see how many slider boxes you’ve finished. Other than that food is awful

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            White Castle is the only bulk burger for me.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            The same reason why Americans can drink bud light. They are untroubled by the complexities of life.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I tried a Miller Lite once. I will not drink because of how bad it was.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I drink ruby ale exclusively.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t drink. That’s more or less because I don’t enjoy it.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Drinking is overrated.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            Then again, you Brits don’t get the goodness that is Big Flats and Milwaukee’s Best over there. I’m wishing I could find some of your Johnny Courage ales over here, but I haven’t seen that in well over a decade. And you stopped making K, the world’s finest apple cider.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            Their cheese sticks and chicken rings kick ass, but that’s about it. The buns on their tiny, wimpy, “please for the love of God kill me” burgers are dry as fuck, and the steamed (what is wrong with you people?!?) meat tastes like week old tofu.

          • more beer

            It is only meant to be consumed when you are totally drunk.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            St. Louis style pizza?!?! Much like Detroit style pizza, it’s something I never even heard of until I left the Midwest, and I doubt it can take on Chicago deep dish, aka the Galactus of the pizza world.

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        Who am I to complain? I fucking hate Applebee’s, Chipotle, Bennigan’s, and Starbuck’s, but I still go to Long John Silver’s for my birthday. And my favorite pizza is Little Caesar’s, even after having world class pizza.
        I’ve been tempted many times to go to Long John Silver’s the rest of the year since there’s one up the street from me, but I save that precious moment solely for my birthday, so I can truly savor it.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I hate Chipotle. The Bell or bust!

      • EsusMoose

        We don’t need to go down that road

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          What about the Qdoba road? Chipotle ripped their ideas off wholesale

          • EsusMoose

            I mean fast food brands all have ripped off each other, it’s business, who does it best and cheapest wins

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            QDOBA is so good. They’re a subsidiary of Jack In The Box and they make such good food.

          • Mother Shabubu

            Bell/Qdoba/Chipotle all suck.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            As much as I hated working for them overall, Cafe Rio’s food is top notch. And they aren’t bullshitting about EVERYTHING made from scratch. Some of it needlessly so.

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        One of the top 3 worst second jobs I ever worked.

    • The Tetrachord of Archytas

      I’ve never gotten sick from chipotle. I just live in SoCal, so my options for Mexican food and/or pretend health food are much more vast

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      Sorry to hear about your cat. 🙁

      • EsusMoose

        He was old, deaf and had cataracts so he couldn’t see well, it was probably for the best, I’ll still miss him though.

  • JWEG

    Ugly: Dunno.

    Good: Another week out from surgery. Another week closer to recovery. The minor infection I found last week in the abdominal staples is clear and healing is progressing nicely (and I’m just off the oral antibiotic as of yesterday morning).

    I got an email notification early this week that my new TovH shirt is on its way. Tracking stopped on Wednesday at “on route to destination country” (early next week I’ll see “at customs” then a week-and-a-bit delay before it gets passed over to Canada Post for day-or-two delivery).

    I realized about midweek that I forgot to get the Borknagar album that came out at the start of the year. This was just rectified, but I have to stop in at the local P/O branch to pick it up (wasn’t covered for home delivery). I’m going to do that right after I hit “post as @JWG79:disqus”.

    Bad: During healing I think I tweaked a muscle in my left side, probably due to being hunched slightly rightward for the last two weeks (the abdominal staples are on my right side, and were put in a bit tight on purpose). It’s mostly bearable, but occasionally causes a random sharp stabby sensation. I’m also going to see my GP this afternoon about it to make sure it’s not something else that simple exercise couldn’t resolve, but if I’m right I’ll just explore some rehabilitation options.

    Turning it back to Good: UVIC recently opened a major new Sports & Rehab complex for both the Uni’s athletic teams and a whole new emphasis on the kinesiology and exercise science programs, and I bet I could get in some free help by offering myself up as a test subject.

    If I’m truly lucky I might even find myself a cute (female) personal trainer…

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Good: New Behexen
    Gooder: NEW BEHEXEN
    Goodest: NEW BEHEXEN MOTHERFUCKER

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Is the new Behexen any good, Tapir?

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        It’s ok, I guess.

    • It’s so fucking good.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Is the new Behexen any good, Jack Bauer?

  • Bad, and Ugly: do you ever feel like you’re working among halpless people who need their boss’s input for every fork in the road they encounter? sometimes i feel like a paid babysitter at my job. it’s exhausting. Good: i really try to make a difference in peoples’ lives and get them to become more independent, get them to make more judgment calls on their own. when i succeed, it’s very rewarding.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Jimmy plz! Not every employee is perfect!

      • oh no, i didn’t mean it that way. please don’t take it offensively. i just mean people should trust themselves to make decisions more often, at least the people i encounter on a daily basis. that’s all bby.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I didn’t know. I usually do whatever I’m told at my jobs. At Old Navy they basically have me stand in clearance for 4 hours.

          • the good thing is that whenever somebody needs direction i can answer “WWJD?” and it’s good because the J can stand for “Jesus” or “Janitorjimduggan”.

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            Well, no offense, Old Navy isn’t exactly a job where you need to ask a lot of questions. You’ll move onto things that require that though, down the line and somewhere else. You’re young, so it’s a foot in the door.

        • Mother Shabubu

          They’re probably afraid of getting shitcanned. Hence why they pine for their boss’ approval.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Jimmy is the best.

      • couldn’t have done it without ya BtR!!

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          You’ve been doing it longer than I’ve been around.

    • EsusMoose

      The fear of failure is tough to get over, pretty sure I probably drove my last manager up the wall sometimes with how much I asked questions

    • life is an exercise in not killing people you recognize as inferiors. people at my work need to be handed money, not work for it.

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        I tended to weed people like that out of my kitchen when I was managing. Not quite Godon Ramsay or Marco Pierre White grade, but not far from it. A couple of trust fund culinary school kids we had in there didn’t last long for that reason, after they found out I’m not exactly the Food Network type.

        • Elizabeth Short

          I am pretty ruthless when it comes to meeting expectations. As much as I don’t get off on chastising or firing people, I never shy away from it, and I am absolutely transparent (and maybe not always terribly pleasant) when the deed needs done. Do your shit right or get the fuck out of my kitchen and don’t fucking whine about it. I hate newly minted culinary grads for the most part precisely for that. That being said, I’m honestly one of the most accepting, laid back chefs you will ever meet. Christ, even plenty of people I’ve fired say that I’m the best boss they’ve ever had. They might have brain damage, though. It is the restaurant industry…

          • more beer

            You have to be ruthless like that. Business is business. If someone isn’t pulling their weight they have to go. I have had friends work for me that I have fired. It was business decision and had nothing to do with friendship. I am not going to let my reputation be tarnished. Because my friend was lazy and didn’t do what they were supposed to.

  • Mother Shabubu

    Good: June 17th when Terra Tenebrosa, Gojira, and Swans are all unleashed on the world. I might not be able to handle that.

    Bad: I can’t believe it’s June already. I need to hit the gym (pronounced “ghaimè”). I need more money in order to get a car in order to get a new job but I don’t get enough money from my current job. Fucking capitalism. Also; my sleep schedule is fucked right now. Been up until like 2, then don’t fall asleep until 3, then don’t wake until 11-12ish.

    Ugly: I miss the cool weather and winter already. Fuck this heat. 85 degrees and 48% humidity is too hot already.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      SWANS. Holy shit that’s like three weeks.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I’m excited for the Denner Sherman album coming out in June.

      • Mother Shabubu

        I’m going to have to put aside 5 hours to listen to it.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          … I think two, or six in case you want three back to back listens, which I think you should do.

          • Mother Shabubu

            Gonna predict a song since they are basically half-hour long now:

            – Intro: a cacophony of instruments goes on for about 4 minutes
            – heavy down beats that drone for about 10 minutes
            – a bass riff and the main part of the song builds up for about 7 minutes
            – the meat of the song with awesome groove goes on for about 8 minutes.
            -Outro: cataclysmic down beats drone on and disintegrate into a fading build down for about 5 minutes

          • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

            There might be a crescendo in there, a la The Great Annihilator.

    • The Tetrachord of Archytas
    • Maik Beninton™

      Ah, it’s cold here and I love it, also, cool pic.

      • Mother Shabubu

        LOLer Rangers had some cool villains. Eyeguy creeped me out as a kid.

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        Cold in Brazil = 75 degrees.

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      I can’t even remember having a sleep schedule since I quit my last job (fun as first, but having a sleep schedule that often means I don’t go to sleep until 8 or 9 in the morning and wake up whenever gets monotonous).
      About the same here on the heat and humidity front, and the month long stretch of 95-100 degree days are right around the corner. And with the maintainence crew mowing everything within the next 8 blocks, cutting trees, etc., my sinuses are a fucking nightmare. I hate summer time, period.

  • tertius_decimus

    Ugly: er-r… You’re definitely on the plus side when you think what to say in this particular line and find nothing.

    Bad: no money left. Hopefully, next week will bring some.

    Good: new album of Tord Gustavsen. OH. MY. GOD.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ8tbk8qtf4

  • tigeraid

    The Good: I finally got a got-damn fence built at The Ranch, so I can let the stupid new dog out of the stupid house without running my stupid self behind him on a leash to piss.

    The Bad: The stupid new dog immediately found two ways around my new fence, because I am Tim the fucking Toolman Taylor.

    The Ugly: I have to work tomorrow. McNulty bought me Horrendous on bandcamp, and I will be listening to it to and from work, cuz fuck this week.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      McNulty>>>>

      • Missing some arrows there mate. I found them for you (see below):

        >>>>>>>>>>>>>>etc

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          I found these too
          >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Maik Beninton™

        Bandcamp gifts>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
        Karhu gave me Kuosomethingfinnish a few weeks ago.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Isn’t he the nicest beargod you’ve ever met?

          • Maik Beninton™

            The only god that matters.

    • Mother Shabubu

      So how many corpses do you have sequestered in that barn?

      • Maik Beninton™

        He must have KJM’s body.

        • tigeraid

          ..

        • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

          So that’s where Masterlord’s been all this time…………..

  • JWEG

    Also bad, but being resolved as best as it can: I just noticed today that my Passport expired over a year ago. Just past a year means I can’t easily renew it; I have to get a whole new one. The process isn’t insurmountable, as I have all the prerequisite documents and references, and can totally easily get a new passport photo done.

    But they warn up to a 2 month delay in receiving the new one during which I’m not allowed to travel (no notice is provided that one is on its way that I can hand over to border agents in its stead).

    Why that’s awkward is that I have a place I want to be in August (Migration Fest) and that’s too close for comfort in my mind to the two-month endpoint (end of July natch).

    • heck yes, that Fest looks suh-weet

    • CT-12

      Hey man, let me know if you end up going to that fest, I’ll be there.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Good: I can see my favourite band in Nov and also not get stabbed

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Not getting stabbed rules.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Akercocke also rule. Knights of the Fallen Empire rules. Not having exams for two weeks rules.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        >:[

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      Randy Blythe just read that and cancelled yet another European tour.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Europe should be glad that lamb of God won’t be appearing on festival billings any time soon.

        • more beer

          Maybe they will go to their safe room and stay there forever.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Walk with me in the departures terminal

          • more beer

            Where you going? We have a train that takes you to and from the terminals here.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            The relationship between the british government and trains is complicated.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    Good: lotta new albums to jam this weekend/good mailmanbro hauls recently. May has been a good month for some non metal releases too.
    Bad: dislocated my shoulders a week ago at the gym…recovery really fast all things considered.
    Ugly: feelin like a bro when I tell people I hurt myself lifting

    Mixed: every time I take a dump at work, this one guy seems to always time me being in here and takes the loudest shits ever. Lots of yelling, moaning and saying of phrases like…”ouch” and “shiiiit” and “daaaaaayumn”

  • punkinbb, i wish i could share a love for “the road” as you do.

    GOOD: THREE DAY WEEKEND, BITCH. Gaming Dungeon Command, Crossfire, and perhaps a p&p this weekend. Will be jamming bm and gaming all weekend. Ordered Cirrhus’ self-titled and Cornigr’s Funereal Harvest EP on Stan and Tyree’s insistence. Preorder Agalloch LPs. Going to look at our new house’ crawl space and attic this weekend.

    BAD: GETCHA PULL, SCRUB. GG. Get out of my goddamn State.

    UGLY: YOU Pat McRory

    http://saveourwaterwnc.com

    https://youtu.be/LT1wgElBpO0

  • CT-12

    Bad: Constantly playing catchup with the thousand errands I can never seem to get done.

    Good: It’s finally the weekend, so fuck errands! My new band is going really well and I’m very excited and proud to be in it. Also, seeing Youth Code tomorrow. Last but not least, was just reminded of this song and how much it (and Dissection as a whole) rules. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvQMmh3BHqc

    • EsusMoose

      I saw Youth Code last week with Baroness, interesting show as I’m not familiar with industrial, ended up buying their new album after it.

    • Max

      I’ve come to the conclusion it’s pretty much their best song of all. If the rest of that record was as good, it easily would have been their best album.

    • Lacertilian

      I don’t wanna Reinkaos on your parade, buuut….

      • CT-12

        Lacertilian: TOH’s official Punslinger

        • Lacertilian

          I’m but an apprentice to the likes of Stocky and co.
          I couldn’t resist that one though, that album sucked.

          • CT-12

            Gonna have to disagree with you on that one, but differing opinions are cool.

          • Lacertilian

            It had some moments but as a whole it felt like the fury was gone, the flame, snuffed.

          • CT-12

            I can agree with you there. I don’t think every song’s a winner, but I think it deserves a lot more credit than what most people give it. Without a doubt though, it’ll never be SOTLB

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Youth Code!

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      Reminds me of just how far Dissection fell off.

      FTFY

  • Max

    Bad/ugly/strange: I’m not sure I should even be talking about this (none of you are ever going to regard me the same way again), but I had the weirdest fucking dream last night:

    I dreamt that I was visiting James Hetfield, probably helping him in some professional music-related capacity (my dreams tend to be sketchy on exact details a lot of the time and those details often fluctuate). We were developing a rapport while working, but at some stage I suddenly really had to take a shit.

    “This is embarrassing”, I thought – having to tell James Hetfield that I was about to shit my pants unless I get to a toilet. But then I thought, “He’s James Hetfield; he’s a fairly “geniune”, hard-touring, outdoorsman-type person; I’m sure it’s not the sort of topic he’d be flustered or grossed-out by…” So I told him I needed to stop work and take a shit, and he helpfully showed me where the bathroom was.

    So I’m sitting in James Hetfield’s bathroom having a shit and breathing a sigh of relief. Except that he then comes in to talk to me and continue our work while I’m on the crapper. This struck me as odd but then I reasoned that, as a touring musician, he’s probably used to interacting with others in “close quarters” as it were; so I don’t have the temerity to ask him for privacy. It does, however, make it more difficult to be relaxed enough to continue taking my shit.

    Next, his whole family – wife, about four kids and possibly some sort of personal assistant – also storm into the bathroom to talk to him about family matters and whatever else. They either don’t notice or don’t care that I, a stranger in their house, am sitting there taking a crap (trying to, anyway) with my pants around my ankles. I’ve got little Hetfield children running around me and whatnot; and I’m thinking “Well, I can’t even have a proper shit now because there’s too many people in this bathroom for me to get relaxed; but how am I supposed to get up and wipe my arse when they’re here?!” Thus ends the dream.

    I have no idea what this is meant to signify or why it featured James Hetfield. It’s not like I was listening to Metallica yesterday or anything.

    • *puts on glasses, puffs on pipe*
      The dream signifies your feelings about Metallica. Hetfield’s family has ruined his music. The shit you were unable to take symbolizes the good album Metallica has failed to produce since Ride the Lightning. Your subconscious is rife with Metallica-related anxieties and disappointments of which even you are unaware.

      Seek help.

      • Max

        But here’s the thing: I’m not even a massive Metallica fan! It’s like I had the dream on somebody else’s behalf….

        • Lacertilian

          Momentarily, you were Mustaine.
          The turd was Lars.
          Time to flush.

        • more beer

          Either way you’re doing the metal community a favor by shitting on this man.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      YOU FLUSH IT OUT
      YOU FLUSH IT OUT

      • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

        *now imagines me in that toilet scenario with Taylor Swift and all her Victoria’s Secret friends walking in and chatting it up*

        http://i.imgur.com/7rusu.gif

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I had a dream once that still horrifies me quite a while after the fact. I’ve never told anyone about it due to it being very disturbing. I wrote a song about it called All My Former Flames which was supposed to be on the final Mr. In Your House 4 album but I scrapped it.

    • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

      Sounds like a perfect first date, actually!

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    I hope Akercocke play Enraptured by Evil at Damnation.

  • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow

    Hessowar, Hessowar, living on the road. When he’s in town, pumpkins exploooooooooode!

    The Good: Things are going great around here. Attending my first wedding in the next couple of months (breathe a sigh of relief, guys and guys, it’s not me, so your fantasies haven’t been ruined and you can still keep your alter of me in my Mega Man chaps next to the bed), and things have stayed chill, especially with the annoying roommate more or less gone (it’s official, now just waiting for her to finally get her shit so I can upgrade to that nice, big room with a view). I can only deal with so many drug-fueled, manic depressive rants from someone who complains that I don’t do their shit for them.

    The Bad: Sinus season. My eyes have felt like someone poured acid in them most of the week, and it feels like a 24 hour dinosaur bukakke in my nasal passages. Fun fun fun!

    In Other News: Gorak, you left your car down in Florida, mate: http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/key-west-police-find-owner-of-illegally-parked-flintstones-car-and-we-have-so-many-questions-8482494?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link

  • Stanley

    Good: HHR finally has this on vinyl. I’m gonna get me some of that orange.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lgtvwPNO4So

  • Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow
  • megachiles

    Good: FINALLY FOUND AND SIGNED ON A PLACE TO LIVE IN ST. PAUL!

    Bad: Coin operated laundry.

    Ugly: I have a 3 hour lay over in ATL tomorrow 🙁

  • Sight Vnseen

    The Good: I can smoke again.

    The Bad: Got a letter telling me I’m not good enough to be a plumber. (Fuck unions anyway.)

    The Ugly: Kinda torn here. No big money or future, but I can smoke again. Small victories I suppose.

    • more beer

      Depending where you are. A lot of unions are controlled by the mob. They don’t care about your qualifications. They take care of their own people. It is fucked up but don’t blame yourself. Because this could very well be the case.

      • RJA

        Exactly – It very well could be that he didn’t get in not based on qualifications but a number of other things. Keep your head up Sight Vnseen.

        • more beer

          It sucks. But the reality of the modern world is. It’s not what you know, but who you know.

    • Groo The Wanderer
      • more beer

        Nope that is without a doubt a bong hit!