Flush It Friday: Xmas, Etc, Etc

1454
231
Share:

We’re closing up shop early due to xmas-related nonsense. Waste the rest of your day in here with a selection of articles that bring the war on xmas.

Ages ago, there was a mysterious editor that would compose dungeon synth and write highly entertaining posts for the Toilet ov Hell. One day he simply disappeared. No one knows what happened to that strange, caped man, but some of his arcane writings live on in the hallows of this noble commode. As we enter the infernal holiday of xmas, it felt appropriate to revisit the Masterlord’s early work in launching a comprehensive ground offensive against Santa and Bill O’Reilly. We miss you, Masterlord.

Grandma got blasted in the face by a Panzerfaust: Combating Christmas music No. 1

All I want for Christmas is TRVE: Combating Christmas music No. 2

Bvrning down the Christmas tree: Combating Christmas music, No. 3

It’s Kvlt Outside: Combating Christmas Music No. 4

Thank you for your continued support of this Toilet ov Hell. We’ll see you tomorrow.

  • tigeraid

    WHAT. NO. HELL NO. YOU CAN’T JUST LEEEEEEAVE.

    http://images.memes.com/meme/2445.jpg

  • tigeraid

    These recommended posts will be highly useful tho.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    Can somebody buy me synyster gates for Christmas

    -Bailey deyoung, 4 months ago

  • Howard Dean

    Not at all article or metal-related: Been bumping this throwback jam a lot lately. Catchy motherfucker. Brings back a lot of mid-90’s memories for this bumbaclot rudeboy:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0N4twV28Mw

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Showing a Pagan Yule tree to demonstrate putting the Christ back into Christmas? Oh, America.

    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠
      • Óðinn

        For the practices of the peoples are worthless;
        they cut a tree out of the forest,
        and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.

        They adorn it with silver and gold;
        they fasten it with hammer and nails
        so it will not totter.

        Like a scarecrow in a cucumber field,
        their idols cannot speak;
        they must be carried
        because they cannot walk.

        Do not fear them;
        they can do no harm
        nor can they do any good.”

    • Abradolf Lincler

      our christmas tree is fake and black

      • Óðinn

        That’s what I thought too, and then I realized that that I forgot to get rid of the tree from last year. 😉

        http://old.christmastreeland.co.uk/uploads/ecommerce/enlarge/3837.jpg

        • JWEG

          I could almost expect to see this show up on That Other Blog’s unreadable band logo contest…

          • Óðinn

            I could too.

          • Óðinn

            What are you studying, if you don’t mind me asking?

          • JWEG

            I’m at the very end of my Masters in Health Information Science.

            I have no intent to continue to a PhD (yet), so hopefully I’m at the end of my life as a perpetual student. And done by April/May.

          • Óðinn

            That’s fantastic, JWEG. Congratulations. You’re almost there. I’m sure you’ll find great career opportunities with that type of education.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          awesome

  • Howard Dean

    So can we all agree that this actual picture of a young Masterlord and Black Santa is one of the greatest things the ToH’s ever produced?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2dc4fb3d484fec32879d71da1dcd46c67cd2cdd836f4b8ed98f0d0036c28b249.jpg

    • Stockhausen

      I forgot about this picture, and now my Christmas is complete again.

  • Joaquin Stick

    Fellow US flushers, I have a mutually beneficial gift available. If you’re looking to switch phone plans, I got a $20 off your first bill coupon for Google Fi. I’ve had it over a year now and it’s the best. Regularly pay only $30 a month.

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      does it allow me to work at home in my pj’s and make $6456 a week?!

      • Joaquin Stick

        You bet it does!

        • Elegant Gazing Globe

          sold

        • Óðinn

          Do I just randomly get blowjobs from hot chicks too?

          • more beer

            And getting paid for getting them. Best job ever.

          • Óðinn

            That’s what I assumed.

            “Thanks, leave some cash on the table and show yourself out. I’m gonna take a nap.”

          • more beer

            You always have have them make you a sammich first.

  • It’s been snowing like a motherfucker here in the grim wilderness of Canada, several feet over the past few days and it just keeps coming. For YEARS now, I listen to Deicide and Deicide only when I shovel the driveway. Not sure how that started or why it continues, but whatever. Anyway, yesterday it was Once Upon the Cross, but today Serpents of the Light. Solid, underrated album. Not sure wtf is up with that godawful Smurf Jesus on the cover though.
    https://youtu.be/QjGw1aZ8CH0

    • Pentagram Sam

      After Once Upon The Cross, me and my friends were disappointed with the cover to Serpents. It had the big censor sticker covering it up and then when we bought it and saw it…. Smurf Jesus. WTF?

      Good music though

    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠
    • I love Serpents of The Light. I think I know the words to every song by heart. How many death metal albums can you say that about?

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Masterlord lives in eternal glory!

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      I thought it was Utah?

      • Space Monster W.

        Not anymore

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Nah. He ded.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          NAY!

          • Space Monster W.

            Boss, eventually you’re going to have to move past the denial stage.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            There is no denial stage to move past, the Masterlord lives. Plain and simple.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

            MASTERLORD(PROBABLY)
            https://youtu.be/heZQVYvHPsc

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Nah. He ded.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            HEEEEE’S AAAAALIVE MY FRIEND!
            https://youtu.be/M2UxyUgU2Ns

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            HEEEEE’S AAALIVE MY FRIEND!

            https://youtu.be/M2UxyUgU2Ns

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Naah. He ded.

          • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ
  • Space Monster W.

    Some jams for dudes who like cavernous death and Portal. This Aussie band released one demo on limited cassette only and split up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IG_JCaoarw

    • *pauses Ulcerate to jam W’s trusted taste*

      • Space Monster W.

        Lemme know whtuchu think

        • It’s a shame they called it quits, fo sho. There’s some rambobangin tunes buried underneath this low quality video (understandable, it IS a demo on YouTube). If Aethyrvorous had kept on their trajectory, I imagine they’d find several eager listeners!

          • Space Monster W.

            Yah, I agree. It’s similar enough to Portal that I think they could gain a lot of listeners. Shame they called it quits before gaining any traction.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Beyond annoying when bands do shit like that.

      • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

        Lot of the Bekëth Nexëhmü shit is like that.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          Yeah, I’ve looked something up and it gets to me bad.
          But I was more referring to splitting up after releasing one demo. You like a band and know you’re not gonna get more than 4 songs. Ever.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Ah, yeah. I hear you! This band did that…

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6qeDrBHGSo

          • Space Monster W.

            That Death Worship EP you posted is exactly the kind of black/war stuff I like. I sent HD a preview song of a re-release for the band Ululatum Tollunt that I’ll be reviewing. I think you’ll dig.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Yeah bro, I wrote about Ululatum Tollunt here before. That Death Worship EP is a must have. The Youtube video just was taken down actually.

          • Space Monster W.

            Invictus is releasing Ululatum Tollunt with a different title/etc. next year.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Indeed, it was posted in the NWN forums a week or so ago by Invictus. I was confused at first and then realized that they changed the release title and artwork.

          • Space Monster W.

            Aye. i think I got the promo a week or two ago?

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            That band has been in hiding for so long, I was wondering when they would finally sell out. Hahaha

          • Space Monster W.

            I know what you mean, but the idea of selling out on Invictus is hilarious.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            It really is! I hear that all the time now from underground metal heads. “Oh they signed to Hells Headbangers, they sold out” Major Lolz.

          • Space Monster W.

            And then you remember that Autokrator couldn’t even ship enough vinyl on Iron Bonehead to turn a profit…

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Yes! Crazy! I was thinking of helping my buddy out over at Larval Productions. He’s having a hard time selling his copies. He has a vinyl/shirt package that I might do next week.

            http://www.larvalproductions.com/

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Jajajajajajajajajajajajaja

          • That’s why I tend to avoid material from bands who have broken up. I hate wanting more and knowing it will never happen.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            I’m okay with it, if they have more stuff, an album or preferably few.
            And I will listen to that lone demo too, if it’s good. I just hate it.

      • Sir Crawfish The Based

        You either die kvlt or you live long enought to become mainstream.

    • When I never do my lo fi black metal smogfart project, I’m going to release it on 8-track and out cvlt everybody.

  • The Good: its very impressive all the cool and friendly people who wind up on this blog. I am not sure if that happens everywhere else on the Intarwebz. Pat yourselves on the back everybody, I think we’re doin it rite.
    Jimmy Rec: some longbuttz inspired synthwave for you to enjoy
    https://newretrowave.bandcamp.com/track/lifeline

    • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ
    • Señor Jefe El Rosa
      • Girls are like music: people try and try again, but both were perfected in the 80’s.

    • Howard Dean

      Longbuttz >>>>>>>
      Synthwave >>>>>>>
      Longbuttz synthwave >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      http://i.imgur.com/PaD6613.gif

      http://i.imgur.com/n377Kpn.gif

    • Max

      Just listening to this. It’s about time somebody in the synthwave community tried their hand at the more up-tempo variety of ’80s music. I like the languid drive as much as anybody, but the Neutron Dance car chase has its place too.

      • two of my top ten this year were synthwave albums (as it has become my second fav genre): Endless Summer by The Midnight and Station Nova by Waveshaper. now i must watch HD’s animated gifs below until my work shift is over……

        • Max

          This year, I’ve listened to way more synthwave than I have metal. Almost anything featuring Dana Jean Phoenix as a guest seems to hit me right in the feelings I didn’t even know I felt.

          • isn’t that funny! any time you find something that tickles your funny bone, let me know!

          • Max

            You’ve probably already heard most of it. In fact I discovered some of it by lurking on your Bandcamp profile.

        • Xinen

          Thanks for the mentions, both great. I prefer instrumentals and thankfully The Midnight offer it as an option which is cool.

          • On The Midnight I started with the instrumentals, but the hooks on “Sunset” got me warmed up to the vocals. If you hear any great synthwave, send a rec my way!

  • Óðinn
  • Stockhausen

    I miss when he had “Steeldragon” in his name. #makemasterlordsteeldragonagain

  • Óðinn
  • tigeraid

    The Good: pot-luck at work today. I will now regain the 98 pounds I lost.
    The Bad: My skinny self hates the cold now. I’m always cold. ALWAYS.
    The Ugly: Trump’s cabinet. It’s like the council at Rivendell, but with Sauron running it instead.

    • Óðinn

      I think you meant to say the council of Retardville.

    • Joaquin Stick

      And my axe!

      • Joaquin Stick

        Shit, no one upvote me ever again. I have 6666 upvotes.

        • Óðinn

          You caught me just in time.

          • Joaquin Stick

            Remove the one from this actually, it pushed me over the edge!

          • Óðinn

            There you go.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      You made it sound metal as fuck

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm
    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

      FUCK! BB just sold out of the box set for Order From Chaos. I wanted that shit so bad.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        I really wanted the diehard CD boxset but every distro I’ve seen that has any version of the boxset only has either the regular CD box or the diehard LP box :'(

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          Did you hear that Angelcorpse is now over. I had high hopes for a new album. NOPE!!!

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I doubt Helmkamp will ever stick with a band for more than 3 good albums, so I can’t say I’m surprised. Wish I could have caught them live though. Hopefully he reforms Order from Chaos to play NWN fest a couple more times.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            A Order from Chaos reunion would be absolutely insane.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Yep. I hope NWN reissues their albums in non-boxset form like they did with War Cult Supremacy, too.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Agreed! I’d like that approach much more. Did you check out that Death Worship EP I posted earlier. It was just removed from Youtube I noticed.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I’d been meaning to check it out when I heard Ryan Förster was involved. I’ll listen to it a bit later tonight.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Well, you can’t now. Haha, sorry bro. Hopefully NWN releases that shit soon though!!!

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            NWN always sorts out their shit. Except their international shipping costs.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Sorry about that man, that blows for sure. Does anyone near you distribute their records?

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Todestrieb and Iron Bonehead stock most of the NWN stuff, but rarely do they have the diehards. I’ll be going to live with my friend in Pennsylvania for a few months in the near-ish future, so I’ll make sure to buy all the NWN shit I want then.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    GOOD: COFFEE BEER & METAL
    BAD: FUCKING COLD
    METAL:
    https://youtu.be/ZjxhxH26uHk

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Work gave us, the lowly employees, gift cards today. Now starts my week long debate on what I should spend it on.

    • Arms for Richter!!!

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Screw that guy.

      • Joaquin Stick

        Damn that was my gift idea. I guess we’re in an arms race to buy them.

      • Don’t need no arms. That’s what I’ve got Clyde for. And hey, the govt. pays for him on account of my disability so–SCORE.

    • BUY STEEL!!!

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        THAT IS THE ONLY LOGICAL CHOICE!

        • Give the gift of steel this holiday season!

  • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠
  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    Good: Uli Jon Roth and Motograter are coming to my area

    Bad: working retail around Xmas

    Ugly: none

    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

      Wow, last thing I remember about Motograter was that they had a song on the Saw soundtrack. Are they seriously still a thing?

      • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

        ME THOUGHT THEY STOOPID DEATHPUNCH NOW???

        • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

          Different lineup lead by the guitarist on the first album.

      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        Yep.

  • Jack Rabbit

    Bad:Got a final in about one hour
    Good:Get to go home tomorrow
    Ugly:Something, somewhere

  • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

    GOOD:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ipQ_ly0IUA

    This song absolutely blows me away. The savagery is unmatched, and those blasts don’t let up.

    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠
      • RJA

        Holy shit man – that looks insane! Where is it?

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          Chicago.

          • RJA

            Nice. I thought it said IL on the poster but couldn’t quite tell. Right down the road from me – I feel I may be too old/ too big of a pussy for a festival like that!

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Haha, yeah I hear you. Should be savage! Wonder if Antifa will raid that show too.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            molotov cocktail em

          • sweetooth0

            Hopefully not. They really fucked over all of those fest goers at that thing in Montreal. I’d be right fucking pissed if an entire day of a fest I paid for got shut down because some dicks have a wild hair up their ass about an obscure black metal band.

          • more beer

            If they do. Everyone at that show should just beat their asses. I am sure they are punks when people stand up to them.

          • Depends, are there any Nazis on the bill?

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i dont think they know how to differentiate, either way.

            theyre also idiots

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            It’s an extreme underground black metal festival. It’s clean as a whistle.

      • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠
      • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

        Another killer band that is not very well know. Still looking for this demo. Was able to snag their comp CD though. Band should be brutal live.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Rg3HiopVeI

      • Abradolf Lincler

        and i thot getting my tix to Kreator/Obituary/Midnight was badass!

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          That’s still badass!

        • KyleJMcBride

          That’s badass enough for me, Kreator anyways.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            im really going for Midnight but glad to see all

    • Abradolf Lincler

      did i see these on sale over at NWN recently?

      • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

        Wait, what?

        • Abradolf Lincler

          old albums i think

  • Thinking of faking illness and leaving early from work today. I’ve got over 120hrs in sick time and they ain’t gonna use themselves.

    • Óðinn

      Do it.

    • 1) go to work vending machine, buy and consume Hawt P0ckets.
      2) Whala, now you’re sick!
      3) Go home and listen to Voices in your pj’s, as is the style at the time

      • I ate the uncooked artificial pepporoni in the Hot Pockets and now I’m going to DIE!!!!!!!

        • Count_Breznak

          Record it, add blasts.

  • JWEG

    Good: I invigilated my last exam of the term late last night, and I get a week off work (practically two considering there’s not much to do the last week of the year).

    Bad: I think I might be rapidly coming down with something this morning. Spending the weekend sick does not sit well.

    Ugly: nothing comes to mind.

    Metal:

    https://youtu.be/dW2Qzlxs8HA

  • Taylor

    Good: it is officially bread-making time in my house! If there’s one thing I love, it’s knowing full well when I eat an entire cup of flour in one sitting.

    Bad: work is more stressful than usual and one of my coworkers refuses to show up on time or do more than the absolute minimum that is required of her.

    Ugly: my sister has decided to rewatch glee in its entirety. Every afternoon I am greeted with the goings-on of high school being told through song covers

    • Howard Dean

      You should probably kill your sister.

      This is a joke. Please don’t kill your sister because of what a stranger impersonating a metal fan impersonating a troll impersonating an American politician said on the internet

      • Taylor

        It would have been wise to read that entire comment first. Now I’m down a sister.

        • Howard Dean

          Oh shit! Homie don’t play.

          • Taylor

            Look on the bright side, I can return gifts I got for her

  • Waynecro

    Good: It’s raining!
    Bad: My dog hates going outside when it’s raining, so he gets grumpy about not going to the bathroom until doing so becomes absolutely necessary.
    Ugly: My sheets are all wet because the dog rolls around in them immediately after he goes to the bathroom in the rain.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      we finally had a week of good rain (i think we went 60+ days without measurable rain, and i think most of the wildfires are under control).

      its kinda hard to be mad at doggos for being doggos

      im all the way up to 243 lbs !

      • Waynecro

        Yeah, we really need rain in Southern California as well. And I can’t be mad at my dog for being such a dork. Hell, I’m so happy he’s here right now that I can hardly be mad at him for anything! Nice work, dude! I guess your tricep injury isn’t holding you back much.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          it is 100% healed now, back to lifting heavy while i cycle off creatine

          • Waynecro

            That’s great, dude. I’m alternating between days of heavy lifting and days of high-rep sets. I should get a bit of both sarcoplasmic and myofibrillar hypertrophy that way.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          did your shoulder ever straighten up

          • Waynecro

            Thanks for asking! It’s still not quite right. I tried bench pressing the other day, and my shoulder started hurting a lot at about 210 pounds. It pretty much gave out completely at about 240 pounds. I may have to see a doctor in 2017. I hate it when I can’t heal on my own.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            oh noes. i would def keep off heavy presses then. that sucks. look at the hell we put our bodies thru

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, I’ve had to stick to moderate weight and high-rep sets for a few shoulder-based exercises. It drives me nuts, but all the high-rep stuff seems to be having positive effects. Man, we really do endure some shit. I’m sore, like, 85 percent of the time.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            lol i know that feel

          • Waynecro

            My limbs hurt most of the time, but my brain is a complete mess when I’m not working out. Lifting is one hell of an antidepressant.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            you got that right. that really is an understatement. at this point i kinda get a superiority complex whenever i see people who obviously dont lift or work out

          • Waynecro

            I don’t have the self-esteem necessary to have a superiority complex, but I do think that working out could benefit a lot of people mentally and physically.

  • sweetooth0

    GOOD: NEW FUCKING NIN! Better believe I pre-ordered that shit! Had to get the “definitive” vinyl re-issue of the Downward Spiral, and I decided to fork for the 4LP Fragile Deviations 1 set too. Somehow the local HMV managed to get a copy of the sold out Creepshow 2 limited edition, had to snag that also!

    BAD: Well I had a good run since 2012, but today at the Dentist a tooth they’ve been watching now has a cavity, so it looks like it’s tooth drilling time next week. My Lurker of Chalice hoodie hasn’t had an update for the tracking number since Dec 10th when it was inexplicably sent down to LA from Portland, even though that is the opposite direction it needed to go to get to me…

    UGLY: A buddy of mine recently had his apartment home invaded by a couple of meth dealers who beat the shit out of him with brass knuckles, stole all of his shit, and forced him to give them his bank card number. The guy just wanted some weed, but a friend of his must’ve been tweaked out or something because she sent the wrong guys over to see him. He was still recovering from a broken ankle, so he’s on a cane, and the meth dealers must’ve saw him as an easy mark. Letting buddy crash at my place for now because he gets anxiety attacks every time he goes back there. Some people are just giant fucking pricks.

    • KyleJMcBride

      Fuck people, especially crazy tweakers. That’s horrible.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        you cant tell what junkies are gonna do. one of the reasons im glad im out of the game. sounds like some shit you hear a lot of going on my way

        • KyleJMcBride

          I don’t let that kind of crazy shit within a hundred miles of me.

  • GL

    You all have a great weekend!

    GL

  • Keep Masterlord in your hearts this holiday season, folks.

  • KyleJMcBride

    SATAN
    COME TO US
    WE ARE READY

  • KyleJMcBride
  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    There’s a ton of snow in Poughkeepsie. Fuck this shit

    • Abradolf Lincler

      jelly

      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        I hate snow.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          No, he’s saying there is a ton of jelly in NC

          • Abradolf Lincler

            there is