Flush It Friday: Wipe Yer Ass

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Well go on…it ain’t gon’ wipe itself!

It’s finally Friday, and this week has pushed out some ridiculously solid releases. This week should have came emblazoned with a warning sticker reminding us to DRINK EXTRA FLUIDS. By Wednesday we’d already popped a collective haemorrhoid, the pulsating clumps of blood a reminder that our bodies were not prepared for the sheer physical demand of such hefty duty. Admittedly, we’d become complacent after several weeks of moderate flow into the hallowed Toilet. We should have seen it coming. Ill-equipped to deal with the Etna-esque eruption, we’d even neglected to re-stock the bog rolls to a safe level. Now, we’re stuck atop a mound of manure, feet unable to touch ground, with an unknown quantity of dunny paper within reach to provide salvation. How will we overcome the odds and make it through to the weekend unscathed? The Friday Wipe! The playlist containing all the stuff you need from this week’s Toilet ov Hell feature articles to make it through to beer o’ clock. Stab play below and remove the feculent stench of yet another whole week busy, only few money gotten.

Now that you’re set up with the  music, the floor is yours to FLUSH THIS FOUL BEAST OF A WEEK AWAY!


(Image via)

 

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  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Bad: enough fucking natural finish superstrats, jesus christ

  • GL

    The Good: Having pizza, beers, and basketball watching with the folks tonight. Should be fun. Go Northern Kentucky! Go Dayton!
    The Bad: Northern Kentucky has not a snow balls chance in hell. Dayton? Who knows…
    The Good: I do not gamble, so I cannot lose!

    You all have a great weekend!

    GL

    • Joaquin Stick

      I HATE picking brackets. It’s never a fun process. Luckily my uncle came up with a way to make it random that still keeps it fun to watch. You get 4 teams randomly selected, and if your team beats the spread, you either keep that team or steal the team from the original owner. Gambling with 0% skill involved!

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      At Western Kentucky you can major in “Hillbilly Studies” no shit

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Shitkicking 101: Introduction to Moonshinin’

        • Brutalist_Receptacle

          Comparative History of Cornholing FTW

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Chawin’ 201: Perfecting Your Chewing Tobacco Spit Aim (and how to deal with your inevitable mouth/throat cancer)

          • The Mighty Thorange

            These sound like alternate titles for episodes of Community.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Is that show any good?

          • The Mighty Thorange

            Oh, fuck aye. If you like great characters, writing and clever, witty dialogue with tons of nerdy humour and references.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Hmm, might not be for me then.

          • The Mighty Thorange

            That’s fair but I would still recommend giving it a go. It’s great just as a normal comedy too.

          • Hans Copronym

            First three seasons I’d recommend wholeheartedly and halfmastedly, after that it gets iffy.

          • Óðinn

            Intrafamilial Human Husbandry

      • GL

        I know a guy who received a minority scholarship because he was Appalachian. True story. Pretty sure he was the only white guy who ever got something like that. lol

  • tigeraid

    The Good: Finally a somewhat decent break in the weather. I miss being fat and insulated, cold kills me now.
    The Bad: America’s budget. And the joke of a healthcare plan. Well, pretty much the whole administration really.
    The Ugly: I tried planks for the first time a day ago. The pain in my back, abs and ass is supposed to eventually go away, right?

  • Hans Copronym

    Good: I shall peruse sweetooth0’s Battle Jacket Guide this weekend to make a… well, a Light Skirmish Jacket, maybe. Only looking to recycle an old Insect Warfare hoodie, not really planning on adding any other patches. Also, sleeves will stay where they are.

    Also good: Jim Norton’s special on Netflix.

    Bad: Wormrot cancelling US tour.

    Ugly: I think my Bad might actually qualify as an Ugly.

  • Spear

    I should have you write the TTT intros, Lizardbro.

    Good: Zelda
    Bad: losing sleep/forgetting to eat because of Zelda
    Ugly: the only reason I’m even up right now is because my cat decided to start chewing on my beard. At least he’s cute. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b16f9948326e2f63abdc817b0c7471a79ecd46aa38ad4b2eec95f21d94437236.jpg

  • Hans Copronym

    I laughed heartily at your text, by the way. That’s how to set the stage.

    Also couldn’t help thinking of this.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/oxwTZNVMOm0QU/giphy.gif

  • Joaquin Stick

    Good: The amount of amazing music this week. Seriously. I have to sit down this weekend and make sure I have it all saved somewhere. Going to a brewery open house tonight, drinkin’ a whole bunch then taking home a growler of Irish Red.

    Bad: I leaned over a fucking railing on Monday and did something weird to a rib? organ? Muscle? I have no idea. Hurts to pretty much move in any direction. Hoping that goes away.

    Ugly: Mordred, son of Mia, daughter of none.

  • “That is one big mound of manure.”
    -DoYouThinkHeSaurus
    I got nothing to flush. So I’ll follow Handsome Spear’s lead and post a cat pic. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5bb5cee2c43bbfedc4f722e6077d8f60c49305fa8fa4ce5db938c3ecf8fd1f60.jpg

    • Doom Scientist

      KITTEH.

  • Waynecro

    Good: Lots of good shows in the next couple months: Archspire/Arkaik, Coheed and Cambria, Trap Them/Call of the Void, Ghost Bath/Astronoid, and Superjoint/Child Bite.
    Pretty much everything else is either bad or ugly or a combination of the two.

    • Jack Rabbit

      I love that astronoid album more and more every time I listen.
      And trap them is always awesome

      • Waynecro

        I play Trap Them (and Call of the Void) in the gym a lot, and that Astronoid album is one of my favorite postworkout mellow-down jams.

  • Howard Dean
  • Lacertilian

    Good: Ears are still ringing from Gorguts, Mgła, Ulcerate, and Marduk. Toppest show!

    Bad: Ears still ringing from Gorguts, Mgła, Ulcerate, and Marduk. Loudest show!

    Good/Bad: Heading off the pub for a cancer charity head shaving thing a mate organised for his 3y/o nephew.

    • GL

      duuuuuuuude who won that DOOOOOOOOOOMM photochop contest?????

      <3

      GL

      • Hans Copronym

        Stocky, if upvotes are anything to go by.

        • GL

          But I had the same number of votes? So???

          • Hans Copronym

            A fight to the death it is then.

      • Lacertilian

        Which one was that again?

      • Óðinn

        Everybody is a winner who participated.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      That line-up really makes my mouth watery.

  • Jack Rabbit

    Good:possible st patricks day shenanigans tomorrow
    Bad:two more midterms and a paper due next week
    Ugly:31 inches of freakin snow this week
    More good:this Sampha album, for any R&B fans
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_oM1DFL43Lk

  • JWG79

    Good, Metal:
    http://hcmc.uvic.ca/boundariesandties/
    https://hypnoticdirgerecords.bandcamp.com/album/black-tremor-sea-witch
    https://strangebroue.bandcamp.com/album/seance-the-satanic-sounds-of-strange-broue
    https://www.facebook.com/events/166565310434782/
    etc.

    Good, Other (including metal-related):
    A whole bunch of PC indie game Kickstarter campaigns I backed just ended successfully, so I’ll have more games to look forward to in the Summer and Fall even without any newfangled consoles.

    Though I still have a shared office, I now officially have a door nameplate & a computer of my own (which will remain unused as long as I have a laptop, but it’s the thought that counts)

    Mailmanbro’s only delivery to me this week other than bills (curses): some character art by Peter Simeti included with a complete sketchbook of dozens more…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c74890c6727ed9583984d1969ab7a4e4ffb620e077223f396c5c4c26cf569702.jpg

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/db1eac57ba0ab5d35cd5cc415d4834cd957374ed5fa76784818dd97112e9e6ea.jpg

    Mailmanbro is also connecting with other international mailmanbros to coordinate delivery of a whole bunch of stuff:

    – T-Shirt from one of Pete’s other Kickstarter campaigns (to fund getting a line of retro newsprint comics on newsstands in addition to the already-planned comic shops)
    – Some site-exclusive (R. Corman) Blu Rays from Scream Factory
    – Vincent Price BR from Twilight Time (mentioned last week)
    – Lemmy themed shirt from TeeVillain seen here: https://www.teevillain.com/products-page/product/lived-win/
    – A package of coat hangers from Amazon because I have so many (but never too many) t-shirts, not even including that one.
    – And this CD, also from Amazon: http://www.dankojones.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Danko-Jones-Wild-Cat-Cover-600×600.jpg

    Bad & Ugly temporarily redacted.

    • Hans Copronym

      Coat hangers for t-shirts?! What preposterous poppycock.

      • JWG79

        No drawer or shelf space. Seemed like a logical third option since it’s just slightly unhygienic to leave them lying on the floor…

        also it’s getting close to spider season again, so I want to minimize surprising places I’d find them.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    I had mcdonalds for lunch today, i never ever eat that garbage but i was in a pinch.
    I just straight pissed it all out my butt. You’re welcome

    • Hans Copronym

      Thank you.

    • JWG79

      There’s a promoted Tweet that keeps popping up on my TL from McDicks for all-day hash browns that, honestly, couldn’t be more phallic unless they made it slightly longer.

      And of course, I can’t find one when I actually want to reference it…

  • Taylor

    Good: I got a second job. I get to sit away from others and listen to music and podcasts all day, so I’m quite happy with that
    Bad: on fridays my new week job butts up against my weekend job, so I have about twenty minutes to sit and reflect on the week before going back to work (now nine minutes)
    Ugly: I’m not looking forward to washing a winter’s worth of salt off of my car

  • Depechemodeisgangsta

    Going to gym for a run listen to new DM Spirit album, also going to try to watch movie Get out, it has great reviews and good word of mouth.
    Not a big fan of St Patrick day because next week, start the whole “Winter Music Festival” where we get all the “Bro’s” who listen to that DJ crap, that for me is not actual music, when you do a show and all you do is plug your Ipod.

  • Óðinn

    Been re-visting Sabotage lately.

    https://youtu.be/Q-PJDim8CsY

    • Doom Scientist

      Their most underrated album, just as good as the first 4.

  • The Mighty Thorange

    Good: Looks like us Scots could be getting another independence referendum and the English government are acting like power mad overlords and refusing to listen. That part sounds bad but they can’t refuse this from a democratically elected party with a clear mandate for another vote. All it does is make them look more like evil overlords.
    Bad: Getting seriously stressed out about university work.
    Ugly: The idiotic rantings of right wing pro-brexit fuckwits who want to stay part of the U.K for no other reason than “muh sovereignty!”
    Metal: Here is a really fucking good local band I saw the other week. Not particularly heavy but they have a really cool old school vibe with prog metal tendencies.
    The Great Blue Divide by Solar Sons

    • The Mighty Thorange

      And it seems I don’t know how to embed from Bandcamp.

    • JWG79

      It’s weird for sure. Can’t be part of the monolithic nanny state EU, but just fine with being under the thumb of the already-faded Empire because it’s I guess just the right ‘kind’ of nanny state. Fanatically defending it, in fact.

      Current “Western” politics would probably severely embarrass (both) my grandfathers’ entire generation to no end. And I don’t just mean my relatives. Everyone.

      • The Mighty Thorange

        You took the words right out of my fucking mouth dude. The arrogance and hypocrisy on display could only come from people who were born with silver spoons up their arses and have no idea what reality is outside their little Britain, Downton Abbey perpsective.

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          As someone from Yorkshire I can kinda sympathise. Fuck Westminster.

          • The Mighty Thorange

            I feel bad for you guys in the North of England. At least we have an opportunity to leave and be better.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Nah, just give me a few years so I can declare myself the first King of Jorvik in a thousand years.

          • The Mighty Thorange

            You will have an ally in us Scots! Effete, arrogant Londoners are our natural enemies.

      • Count_Breznak

        I’d personally go with “the shitty Orwell-themed amusement park off of the coast of europe “

        • The Mighty Thorange

          If you look up anything the Prime Minister says, it is a textbook example of doublespeak.

          • Count_Breznak

            Normally this would lead to some great sitcoms, but you only can tell the same joke so often…

          • The Mighty Thorange

            It is actually hilarious because the more the English Conservatives treat Scotland like some imperial colony that need to be “put in it’s place” the more they play into the pro-independence party’s hands. It’s rather brilliant as it seems the only reason they announced plans for a new referendum this early was for that exact reason.

    • Hans Copronym

      ‘Twisted Mistress’ is a hell of a fun song, I think I’ll come back to this.

      • The Mighty Thorange

        Yep! I am just a fan of songs that randomly change to funk halfway through. Especially when you don’t see it coming at all. Another good example: https://youtu.be/uh_seKB56ek

    • Óðinn

      ~~~

      • The Mighty Thorange

        Fucking great album that!

  • Doom Scientist

    Gonna start watching Iron Fist later.

    • Óðinn

      It’s out?! Yes!

    • Óðinn

      I’ve been watching Legion lately. I really like it, but it may not be for everyone.

      • RJA

        I’m enjoying it – seems like it could go off the rails at any point, but so far so good

        • Óðinn

          Yes. It’s not entirely unique, but it does have a difference to it. It’s a different take on the Marvel universe. I love the production design.

          • The Mighty Thorange

            I need to give it a try. I have not heard many good things about it but as a life long Marvel fan, I feel the need to watch it so I get the full story for when The Defenders comes out.

      • Doom Scientist

        The Expanse is my current favorite.

        • Óðinn

          I’ve been enjoying that as well. I’m sorry that they killed off the Joe Miller character. But it’s science fiction, so you never know if he’ll be back.

        • The Mighty Thorange

          The Expanse is fucking fantastic!

          • Doom Scientist

            It’s a straight up classic, and they just got renewed for a 3rd season!

      • Kyle Reese

        If you don’t like Legion, you need a psychiatrist.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
    • Hans Copronym

      Repulsion. All day.

      • GoatForest

        Yessssss.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Also good; inspired by Richter’s story of previous Sunday I decided to give a few of the post-Serenades Anathema albums another go this week. Guess what? Turns out I think a few of them are excellent now, in particular Alternative 4 and Judgement – probably their last albums were they at least still had some of their metallic doom-rock edge.
    As for the rest, I still think Serenades is criminally underrated and their 2000’s stuff still doesn’t do a whole lot for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16Vm9yb3hZ8

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Very very very bad:

    Suddenly I remembered this dreck…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KFV9_pM2c0

    • Óðinn

      Gah!

    • Hans Copronym

      Bro, you just don’t get it. The remote control is, like, his dick, see? Cause he’s got a big dick. It’s super clever bro.

    • The Mighty Thorange

      *Some other guy in band – “Sir, we have written an awful 90’s-rap-nu-metal song. How can we make it even worse?”

      Main guy in band (I’ll be fucked if I am making an effort to learn their names) *Turns and stares pensively through the glass window into the middle distance in quiet contemplation. He exhales loudly an slowly turns to the other guy and says – “Get Fred Durst on the phone ASAP”

    • Kyle Reese

      My Darkest Days – Porn Star Dancing (Extended Uncensored) ft. Ludacris, Zakk Wylde – is the next recommended video.

      ZAKK WYLDE AND LUDACRIS>NEXT WEEKS VIDEO BREAKDOWN??!?

  • Pentagram Sam

    A few Goods: Going to see Carpenter Brut, GosT, and Le Matos in a few hours. Super stoked, this is my first synthwave show and so fucking excited it’s with guys this good. Gonna buy alot of merch and really hope they bring some Brut backpatches.

    Good#2 Saw Darkest Hour last night and met one of my oldest friends at the show. In a case of weird 4th wall breaking plane existence, I was wearing a TovHell shirt, talking about how I talked bout him and his getting me into MUSIC on the website of a shirt I was wearing.

    Bad: Ugh. Lack of self control. Since I’ve been looking forward to this for so long and am so glad I don’t have to fight the queefstorm of doom that is downtown traffic, I’ve ate nothing but glorious food truck food since 2 AM Wed morning as a pithy celebratory act. I don’t give a fuck judge me bitch. Tomorrow it’s back to the basics,

    Ugly: Things at work have gotten kinda poopy and hours are decreasing and the slow season is about to come in terms of tips so it’s time to switch gears and find another job and reduce the pizza delivery to a part timer. Ah well, when the dust settles it should mean more nights off to get out and about. Getting this all sorted out in the next few weeks

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Good: I.Ron Butterfly is coming to my area, Brian Setzer

    Bad: the snow

    Ugly: Donald Chump.

  • Good: Horizon: Zero Dawn is fucking awesome, girlfriend has been playing the new Zelda next to me and loving it. Been working out the past couple months now and I’m really starting to see/feel the results and it’s been awesome.

    Bad: Work’s been really busy and I have a fuckload of stuff to do that is mostly on my shoulders and I can’t really get help from the rest of my team on it.

    Ugly: I had to miss Power Trip/Iron Reagan last night because I was too sleepy and decided I’m too old for a show on a work night 🙁

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    When it comes to non-metal stuff, I’ve been giving this album a lot of spins recently.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8RTGhe4nzU

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Listening to Van Morrison at 1 am makes you think a lot. It makes me go on a soul searching journey.

    • Doom Scientist

      Listening to wireless network install/config videos at 2 AM bores me to tears. It makes me stumble like a stoned zombie toward the kitchen.