Flush It Friday | The Unexpected Virtue of Busyness

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The masters of the Pristine Porcelain have honored me with Friday’s Flush, once again. The saga began here, and we left off there. Y’all know the deal, and if you don’t, you’ll catch on quick.

BAD: You know how people are always talking about spending less time on the internet? I’m gonna quit Facebook, go out and get some exercise all that shit? I’m in the opposite boat. I’m actually trying to spend more time on the internet. Moving from a managerial / office position (where I spent half of my day in front of a computer) to working in direct client care (where I touch a computer to clock in and clock out) has been a major change – though not necessarily a bad one. I do miss seeing most of the stories here going live, and dicking around with everyone in the comments all day. It’s also been tough having a routine with playing music and “blogging” about it (which I equate to a monkey throwing shit at a target). Someone insert the Don Draper “wah wah wah” .gif.

GOOD: I celebrated eight years of continuous sobriety yesterday, on August 13th. Needless to say, things had gotten bad and stayed that way for a long time prior. I had all but lost control of my own actions. The last day I took a drink was August 12th, 2007, which was a Sunday morning. It was the remnants of my Smirnoff vodka from the previous evening. The last time I used cocaine or smoked weed was June of that year, which ironically was in Manhattan nearly eight years to the date before my recent trip there. I bought the coke on the streets of Manhattan, and it was garbage. I can’t specifically recall the last times I used methamphetamine, acid, ecstasy, mushrooms, ketamine, pharmaceutical uppers, downers, pain pills, benzos, heroin, and a plethora of other substances; obviously it was all before that time. August 13th, 2007, was the first day of my second stay in inpatient treatment, and my fifth attempt at chemical dependency treatment overall.

As a point of reference, I turned thirty three (33) years old about a month ago. I’ve done most of my growing up in the last eight years, and especially within the last two. I’ve seen a lot of my friends and peers relapse in that span of time, and I’ve known a few people who have died. I’ve also seen a lot of my friends and peers suffer from complacency and inconsistency, which thankfully hasn’t been an issue for me to date. It would be hard for me to put into words everything that has happened since in this space. It’s been a pretty remarkable journey, and I have a pretty awesome life as the result. All good things.

UGLY: Working with the profoundly disabled full time for the last two months reaffirms my belief that we’re born, we live our lives, eat, sleep, shit, fuck, succeed, fail, and die. Our stage is a paradox.

"Cobalt 2015" source

Cobalt 2015″ source

UPCOMING PROJECTS: Many of us have been waiting with bated breath for albums from Cattle Decapitation and Krallice, the latter who unexpectedly released their 2015 album to Bandcamp. I like them both, a lot. I’m not sure that either will wrestle their way onto my best albums of this year, but one might yet reach out and grab me. Our community has discussed a lot of the stuff before, but it’s possible you haven’t joined the Toilet Ov Hell Facebook group yet. Here are some of other albums / projects I’m the most stoked about:

The Toilet ov Hell shared a track from upper tier Polish black metal band Mgla a couple of weeks ago (seen above). I had dabbled with Mgla before, but the release of “Exercises in Futility II” sent me on a bender of unstoppable proportions. I’ve listened to the song everyday for weeks. I play it in my headphones while I’m having coffee before work at 6:30 am. I’ve visited every piece of Mgla material within reach. This might sound crazy, it might not, but I think the grandiose and emotive “Exercises in Futility II” is so good that it actually reminded me of how much I love music, and why I expect Mgla’s Exercises in Futility to topple my favorite albums this year, and there are some amazing albums on there already. It’s due out late summer, which is pretty vague, and it’s already mid-August. “Late summer” can’t come soon enough.

The homey Ron Deuce tipped me off to the release of a music video from rapper Despot (seen above). Apparently “House of Bricks” is a single from Despot’s long awaited debut album, We’re All Excited. I’ve been a fan of Despot’s since around 2007, when he released “Get Rich or Try Dying” on the Def Jux compilation Definitive Swim. I’ve seen him live two or three times, and even the songs I didn’t know were tremendous. The release of a full length album from Despot has almost became a running joke, but a real music video billed as a single is promising. Dude is a beast.

David Hall of Handshake, Inc. recently told me (off the cuff) that he believes Alejandro G. Iñárritu is probably the world’s greatest living filmmaker. When dude isn’t releasing Pyrrhon albums, he also makes films, so that should probably mean a little something. I’m minorly obsessed with the film Birdman: Or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance). In fact, since I don’t usually harass my family and the people I work with to listen to black metal, I do things like insist they watch Birdman at the next available opportunity. It, and Nightcrawler, were my two favorite films last year. If you haven’t seen it, you fucked up, but it’s an easy fix. If you aren’t planning on seeing his next film, The Revenant, at your first available opportunity, you’re fucking up. It’s going to be metal as fuck. Trailer above.

You’re probably aware that Charlie Fell (ex-Lord Mantis) has joined up with Erik Wunder for Cobalt’s upcoming album Slow Forever (photo above). Doug Moore reported for last month’s The Black Market at Stereogum:

Meanwhile, Black Market staff favorites Cobalt have ditched bigoted vocalist Phil McSorley in favor of ex-Lord Mantis frontman Charlie Fell — who’s only marginally less inclined to court controversy — and recorded a new album titled Slow Forever. That change constitutes a 50% lineup turnover for the two-piece. But given that instrumentalist Erik Wunder crafted virtually all of Cobalt’s classics Eater Of Birds and Gin, and that Fell is an outstanding vocalist in his own right, there’s reason to expect great things. Slow Forever doesn’t have a release date yet, but one hopes it’ll make it to stores before the end of 2015.

The important bit of news there is a possible 2015 release. Given that I still listen to both aforementioned Cobalt albums regularly, and consider Eater of Birds to be grossly underrated by many, and think Charlie Fell will make an amazing addition to the band, Slow Forever would make an excellent gift to us in time for the holidays.

Those Darn Gnomes superstar Christian put me onto Oxbow a couple of months ago, and they’ve been in regular rotation for me ever since. They are one of the weirdest bands I listen to, which is saying a lot. They play really ugly and confrontational noise rock, which is outside of the scope of heavy metal, but should theoretically appeal to many metal fans. Their newest album, The Thin Black Duke, is complete or near complete and Oxbow is shopping it out to labels. That it isn’t on a label already proves a chaotic universe and an unjust world. A 2015 release seems unlikely, but I’ll be getting weird to “Oxbox” the moment I can.

Lastly, I got a chance to cover music from both Yellow Eyes and Defeated Sanity awhile back. Defeated Sanity’s last album, Passages Into Deformity (2013) has been in constant rotation for me lately. It’s the kind of thing I play while driving and doing the gutturals at the other drivers on the road. Their followup album, a split with themselves, was suggested as a 2015 summer release. I haven’t heard news about it in some time, but if released I’m expecting it to astound. I saw a bit of news about Yellow Eyes releasing their full length followup to the EP Stillicide in 2015 months ago. It seems to have vanished, but Leif Bearikson tipped me off to a Gilead Media teaser in the form of album art, which suggests that the release is still this year.

I’m sure there are 2015 releases I’ve missed, but these are the albums I am giving a lot of thought to now. Enough rambling – good, bad, ugly, and open swim in the comments below. Discuss some of the music you’re most excited about!

Cover image via No Film School

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    “UGLY: Working with the profoundly disabled full time for the last two months reaffirms my beliefthat we’re born, we live our lives, eat, sleep, shit, fuck, succeed, fail, and die. Our stage is a paradox.”

    You can’t fight the pull of the Cunting Void…..

  • Congrats on your sobriety, my man. Way to go.
    UGLY: Blood-Countess Elizabeth Bathory (my dog) won’t stop fucking barfing.

  • Scrimm

    Ed Defeated Sanity just recently completed instrumental tracks. Unclear if they are waiting to finish until they find a new vocalist.

    • Scrimm

      Also good write up and respect for your strength.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Scrimm how did you come by that info? I checked on their Facebook. I kinda suck at finding things out about bands.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    I’m literally sitting a toilet at work now.

  • Scrimm

    Good: Should be starting vocals next week!!! New Maiden.
    Bad: Only 2 days of work next week(this is also kinda good)
    Ugly: USPS

    • i’ll second that USPS call. ordered a deluxe package (valued at $39.99 with $9.99 shipping) and they left it on my doorstep. in broad daylight. of course it was stolen.

      • Scrimm

        Oh how nice. That’s one thing I missed about my old apt, it was kinda outof the way and a tree blocked the view of the doorstep unless you climbed the stairs. this new on is right in the middle of everyone else and there’s already some shady neighbors. Sorry to hear that dude, hope it was something that sucked at least.

      • ME GORAK(JM) B.C.™

        YOU CAN CATCH THEM DETECTIVE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN SMASH!!!!!!!!!!

        • Dagon

          HAHAHA FUCKINH DETECTIVE MAN

      • nbm02ss

        I’ve had that happen. Sucks. Now I just make sure stuff is left at the post office for pick-up. Major PITA.

      • more beer

        What sucks the most is whoever stole it probably has no use for it.

        • this is what drives me nuts! if they aren’t gonna use it (and it’s worth nothing at a pawn shop), just take a few minutes and return it!

          • more beer

            That won`t happen though. Whoever stole it obviously isn`t going to return it. The last Christmas I lived in New York some scumbag broke into my apartment on Christmas Eve. While I was doing family things. Took all of my electronics. What did the cops do? absolutely nothing.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Man, that sucks.

          • ugh, sorry to hear it.

          • more beer

            What are you gonna do. I lived in a pretty shitty neighborhood. It did help me to decide to get the fuck out of N.Y. My life is much better now.

  • Good: Edward’s continued sobriety. That list of contaminents is long and dangerous. Sounds like you have a strong will and good support around you.

    Nothing bad or ugly this week, just good vibes all around.

    I am most looking foward to Cult Leader’s Kurt Ballou produced full length coming out in October. I expect top tier quality on that one and I’m confident they will deliver.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Full length Cult Leader will be outstanding. I was / am a fan of Gaza. Did that singer ever get convicted?

      • I never heard anything about it after the initial story broke. Sounds like the parties may have settled outside of court.

  • 365chaosriddendays

    Good= MGLA, period.

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    Wow. Best Flush It Friday read yet. Plus fucking Mgla.

    Good: Skipped our company picnic today and decided to pretend to work in the office instead. Brought a few brews in to work, Founders Imperial Stout to be exact.

    Bad: Found out why my spare bedroom still smells like cat shit from when that ASSHOLE cat was living with me. Turns out my goddamn sister was keeping the cat in the spare bedroom during the day while she was at work and the cat tore through the bottom of the box spring and basically just shit in there. So cat shit was just festering in there for months. I had to take the box spring out side and tear it apart basically and remove about 2 pounds of shit. Fucking cats and dumb humans. Luckily the smell is finally disappearing.

    Ugly: Cat shit!

    • Sorry about the cat shit but I just laughed my ass off reading that.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        I don’t blame you. Fucking ridiculous.

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro

          It can be nearly impossible to remove the smell of cat piss.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Well, I think it’s a combo of both. That room will never be the same.

          • more beer

            Douse the whole room in vinegar. It neutralizes the cat piss smell.

          • Dagon

            Alternatively get an exorcist

          • CT-12

            ….and then smells like the extremely neutral odor of vinegar? haha

          • more beer

            That goes away much quicker than cat piss.Which is one of the worst smells ever.

          • there’s a bacteria in cat piss that travels up to six feet in every direction — even through concrete foundation.
            #catpissfacts

          • more beer

            I do`t doubt that as horrible as it smells..

        • 1. Sacrifice her cat within a pentagram surrounded by candles.
          2. Piss on cat’s corpse and you will rid yourself of the cursed smell.
          3. ?????
          4. Profit.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            5. Satan.

    • Scrimm

      Fuck cats. Cat piss makes me gag worse than almost anything.

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        You and tyree can go jerk each other off lol

        • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

          I’m sure you dislike some things too.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            People who dont like cats, for one.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            There you go.

          • Scrimm

            No big loss, I’d say.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      I’m sick of all the cat hate around here.

      • more beer

        I love my cat. Hope that makes you feel a little better.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          More beer, forever the voice of reason

          • more beer

            I try brother.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        I’ve had too many bad experiences with cats. Sorry dude.

      • i got yer back bae

      • JW(E)G

        This said, cats are gross. More so if they’re SPCA cats that weren’t properly cared for as kittens. Like THOR.

        Though apart from the bloody weepy eye he rubs on everything (especially white things), the thick black mats of fur left everywhere and not just during normal shedding season, and the depth-charge ocean-fish farts out of nowhere, he’s otherwise manageable.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Then don’t own a cat. Period.

      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        Yes, she is at fault. Still not going to change my opinion on cats though. Just going to have to keep on hating my worthless opinions as you you mentioned before.

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro

    Congrats on the sobriety, Ed my man.
    Good: Gotten to spend more time with the wife this week since she isn’t on night shift now.
    Bad: It’s been hot as balls every day here.
    Ugly: My gas. Been hotboxing myself in my office today.

  • Stanley

    Good: I got 2nd place in my age group at the Water to Wine Half Marathon last Sunday.
    Bad: I threw up at the finish line again. Twice!
    Ugly: Sick on the kicks.

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      At least you didn’t shit your self.

      • Zeke

        There’s always that

      • Stanley

        I’ve seen that happen. At about mile 18 of the CIM, there was a woman in front of me with shit running down her legs. She was still running like a boss. Mad props.

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro

          I read recently about a woman who ran her marathon while menstrating. Sounds brutal.

          • Stanley

            Yep. I saw that article. I wonder if she tossed her runners at the end.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            I’m not knocking her for it. Glad as a man I’ve never had to put up with blood leaking out of my genitals while I run.

          • Stanley

            You’d be surprised by how many men I’ve seen with blood leaking out of their nipples.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Like that episode of the office?

          • Stanley

            Not seen it.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Ah. Well, I assume it’s just from chafing?

          • Stanley

            Yep. It’s surprising how many people run races in the “free” race T Shirt that they got the day before, having never run a step in it before. Imagine sandpaper rubbing against your nips for a few hours. I bet that stings like buggery in the shower afterwards.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            As someone who has experienced inner thigh chafing before, I can only imagine.

          • Waynecro

            I once had black, sludgy, lava-hot blood coming out of my wiener for a few days after the doctors removed a catheter they put in wrong. It’s not the same as what women go through, of course, but I have had blood leaking out of my genitals.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            I saw that too, quite brutal.

          • Dagon

            A Brazilian, nonetheless. Making me proud.

            She actually ran in protest because “women are embarassed by periods”.

        • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

          Yup, My dad saw that a couple of times during the Iron Man.

          I unfortunately get the running shits which sucks. I’m a bit scared to do a really long distance run because of it.

        • Zeke

          I can see how that could happen. I was on a long (for me) run once and I started to kind of feel my insides jiggling

          • Stanley

            You really need to pay attention to your nutrition and figure out (over time) what works for you. For races, I normally get up 3-4 hours before. Eat a white bagel with peanut butter and jam, drink some coffee and then wait for my body to process everything. I often have to do a number 2 two to three times prior to the start. There’s a reason why the lines to the port-potties are a mile long just before the start.

        • Scrimm

          Saw that in the Army, both running and once during a road march. Also was running next to a girl in my reception batallion and her heart exploded. I’ll take shitting myself any day.

          • more beer

            That must have been some freaky shit seeing that.

          • Scrimm

            It was. So out of nowhere, I had just glanced over at her and back to the road when she made this kinda coughing sound, I looked back over and she just dropped hard. As soon as we rolled her over it was obvious she was gone. Took me a while to not be afraid of running after that.

          • more beer

            I had a guy in my company in boot camp have his heart stop while he was banging his wife after graduation. I didn`t see it but heard about it. He died too. It never made me not want to get some tail though.

          • Scrimm

            Worse ways to go.

          • more beer

            Hell yea. I`m sure his wife was pretty freaked out. I`d gladly go out like that.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I’ll just go ahead and skip anything that comes with an exploding heart risk.

          • more beer

            Most things aren`t labeled. Will cause heart to explode!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            They should be.

          • more beer

            What do you have to worry about you`re a cyborg.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            My “hearts” explode with a bit more punch.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdRbnjSAddE

          • more beer

            Touche!

          • so glad they stopped after the third movie

          • Scrimm

            DOWNVOTED

          • lelz, you enjoyed salvation and/or genisys?

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            What are your thoughts on the Running Man? I fucking love that movie.

          • Scrimm

            So good and so bad at the same time. I wonder how the hell they got that movie out of the story.

          • Stanley

            Her heart exploded? How does that work?

          • Scrimm

            Fucked if I know thats just what our drill sargeant said happened. I just assumed it was a reference to a bad heart attack I guess.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      Age group: classy

      • Stanley

        Age group: ancient. There was a guy at the race that I was talking to that won his age group. He ran 1:26. He’s fifty fucking nine.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          How old are you Stan?

          • Stanley

            A pair of 4s.

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    great stuff Ed! m/

  • nbm02ss

    I get beer and sushi after work. All is well in my universe.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      I need to eat some sushi soon, god damn.

      • broski, i love sushi. (hint-hint)

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          Oh dang.

          • let’s do it, on my company

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            On your company?!

          • whoops, i mean the company for which i work. since i’m there for training

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Mall of America ain’t that far from Eagan and there are at least two sushi spots there, well at least three but I heard bad things about the third.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      This guy, at least, has his priorities straight.

    • you ever do sake with sushi? less filling and somehow appropriate…

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: Money, Ric Flair’s podcast, the new WASP song

    Bad: Have to work both days this weekend, can’t find my copy of Madden 25

    Ugly: Duke Nukem Forever. I still want my money back for that piece of crap game.

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      Oh boy, you working at Men’s Warehouse?

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        No, I work at Old Navy. After that I work Wednesday, Thursday and next Saturday. At least I don’t work the day of the concert I’m so excited for.

        • CT-12

          What concert’s that?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            MRH.

          • CT-12

            What’s that stand for?

  • Spear

    Ugly: taking the cover off your garage door security thing and finding a giant fucking spider has made its home there. Fuck that. Fuck everything.

    Good: I’ve lost a shitload of weight since the start of summer. Turns out exercise is, like, good for you or whatever.

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      You’ll soon need to upgrade from Handsome Spear to Very Handsome Spear

      • Spear

        I’m slowly molding this soft, shitty body into something that’s not painful to look at. I mean, my pale white underbelly will probably still blind people in direct sunlight, but that’s a different story entirely.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I gain weight as I haven’t been to the gym in a long while and I still eat extremely unhealthily.

      • Spear

        Well STOP IT

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro

          This seems pretty obvious.

          • Spear

            It is, but I can understand having a hard time with it. Junk food has always been a weakness of mine, and cutting back has been harder than I’d like.

          • nbm02ss

            Its so cheap, and easily attainable. I blame my horrible lifestyle choices while attending college.

          • Spear

            It tends to save you time cooking, too. Why does being healthy have to be so haaarrd? *whines*

          • Despite this whole thread being about getting healthy, it gave me cancer.

          • more beer

            Smoke some weed it help you eat with the chemo.

          • /dead

          • Spear

            my b

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I try to eat less but when I’m home alone it’s hard to control my eating.

          • Spear

            Well STOP IT

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I try! It’s just that when I’m alone I eat because I consider food my friend because all my other friends are either off at college or I have had falling outs with.

          • pfft, you’ve got us!!

          • Eat more greens, eat less shit. If my lazy ass can do it, anyone can.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I eat carrots and celery and I love mushrooms.

          • That’s a good start. Celery is very good for you. Dip it in humus and have it for a snack.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Hummus is so good.

          • more beer

            But you have a wife who probably makes you eat healthier.

          • Most of the time I prep my own stuff which is smoothies, juices and salads. Except for the juicing, it’s very little prep work.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I do have one of those smoothie makers in my house but it’s my dad’s.

          • more beer

            He won`t let you use it?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            He doesn’t like me eating his stuff. I’m sure he’d let me use it though. I don’t know how it works though.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            You’re not gonna eat the smoothie maker, are you?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            If I did it would shred my insides. I’m sure I could use it.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            He doesn’t like you eating his stuff, but everyone else eats your stuff?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            They’re very hypocritical. I don’t really buy much food that they like though.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Maybe you should save your money and try to get a different job so you can afford some independence.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I do want to move out someday and move to the city but that’s very expensive. I’d need to get a good job just to survive.

          • more beer

            What does everyone write their names on their food there?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Yes.

          • more beer

            I have housemates and we don`t do that. .

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I live with a bunch of insane people. That’s something they do.

          • more beer

            Get together with a few of your friends and get a place. It`s too expensive there to just strike out on your own. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

          • I’ve been meaning to do a post about making smoothies for you guys but I have not gotten around to it yet.

          • more beer

            I mostly cook for myself. But I`m good at it. Plus I really think good food is one the greatest pleasures of life.

          • dude it’s tough. here’s what worked for me (worth a shot right): only take one hot pocket or sandwich or whatever with you for lunch. it’ll suck but you won’t have the temptation of more food. after a few weeks of doing this, your stomach WILL shrink and your appetite will follow shortly.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I eat two Lean Pockets though! They’re less calories but have more sodium. Plus, when I work I eat whatever I feel like getting at the food court in the mall.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Try this: rather than buying food at the mall, pack a healthy lunch with fruit and veggies.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That would save me money but the healthy stuff I get from the supermarket is always eaten by other people.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Get a mini-fridge.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Can’t afford one and my parents won’t let me put one in my room. I’ve asked before.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            I dunno, then. Maybe tell them that losing weight is important to you, so you need them to not eat your healthy food?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That’s a good idea.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            You are wasting your time.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            ¯_(ツ)_/¯

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Punch them in the dick and/or vulva.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs mixed with black beans

            Ride to work on my bike for 9 miles over a mountain. This is my morning exercise.

            Snack: Greek yogurt and a banana at arrival to work.

            Lunch: Ham & turkey sandwich or peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

            Snack: Protein Bar and fruit of choice.

            Ride home on my bike for 9 miles over a mountain. This is my evening exercise.

            Dinner: Stir fry with veggies and chicken/beef/rice.

            Beer.

            Bed.

            Having a healthy routine is good man. Fucking get one that works for you and stick with it.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast, followed by Lean Pockets for lunch and whatever I feel like making for dinner.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            No exercise?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I used to go to the gym but my schedule and lack of a car prevents me from doing so.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            I don’t know what to tell you dude. Good luck.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m sure if I eat less I can lose weight. I also walk to the record store on occasion which is a mile or two.

          • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

            Ok.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I can walk pretty far. I’ve walked to the other side of the river to meet a friend and that was about 10-15 miles. After that we walked across the walkway over the river.

          • more beer

            What bridge can you walk across the Hudson River on? I don`t remember being allowed to walk over any of those bridges.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            There’s a thing called the Walkway Over The Hudson. It opened about 5 years ago.

          • more beer

            I`ve been gone for about 15 years. so it wasn`t there while I still lived there.

          • Waynecro

            In addition to walking, you could check out some body-weight-exercise programs (they’re all over the internet). It’s amazing how much exercise you can get with nothing other than the weight of your own body. You don’t need much space or time either. I’ve seen programs that require as little as 10 to 15 minutes per day.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Can you run in your neighborhood? That’s what the wife and I do.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            How long away is the gym? You could walk or go by bike?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            The gym would be a two hour walk as it’s 5-10 miles away.

          • Spear

            Then run. It’s what I do. I can’t afford a gym membership right now, and running is free.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            You must get “de pump,” it will feel like you are cumming day and night.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VSd-IykZBw

          • DCLXVI

            I like cumming

          • Scrimm

            You don’t need a gym to work out

          • CT-12

            Go for a run outside. I will not bother with a gym (unless perhaps one opened up closer to me). I run with my boss about 3 miles after work, then go for a long ass swim (if you’re by a lake or pool, use it; it’s nice low impact exercise). If I’m still in the mood for exercise afterwards, I lift weights (they don’t have to be huge, I usually use 10 pound barbells – if you don’t have the money, use soup cans or something). I’m not trying to scold you (I get lazy as well), but it’s important to exercise JJD, because there are situations you will be put in life where it’s more beneficial for you to be physically able than unable.

          • DCLXVI

            Furiously masturbating as frequently as possible keeps me pretty limber

          • Stanley

            Are you a registered nutritionist in your spare time?

          • CT-12

            Fucking Christ dude, you go hard! Also, never thought of mixing eggs with beans sounds good (though you must be the bane of your workplace hahaha)

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            The texmex version: eggs and green chilis.

          • more beer

            I do that all the time. Eggs, black beans and green chili.

          • you’ve got a hangover cure right thurr!

          • more beer

            You have to make the cure complete by washing it down with a beer.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Made some last night. I’ll put onion in there too if I remembered to buy one.

          • more beer

            I do that too. Also topped with cheddar. Nothing like a good Southwest breakfast.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            Aye, the cheese. I can’t go overboard cuz dairy in excess hurts the wife’s tummy.

          • more beer

            Understandable. I lived with a girl for a long time who was lactose intolerant. So I know how that is.

          • Waynecro

            You’re totally right about routine. I eat the same thing basically every day. It sucked at first, but you get used to it pretty quickly. Once a proper diet becomes habit, maintaining the diet takes almost no effort.

          • Dagon

            Pretty much everything that is a “low-calorie” version of pre-existing food has extra sodium. This is just a tip.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Damnit.

          • Scrimm

            Working in a deli is a BITCH.

        • JW(E)G
      • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

        Lay of those ranch pizzas dude.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I don’t eat ranch pizza that often.

        • Guacamole Jim

          JJD’s Pizza:

          17 cups of cream
          dough
          salt

          put in oven, eat with a straw

    • Waynecro

      Spiders are assholes. You have to kill that thing. If you fail to take its life, beware: Spiders never forget, and they know when you’re sleeping. Also, congrats on the weight loss. That’s great!

  • Zeke

    Good- it’s a beautiful Friday and I’m playing hooky and sitting at the beach.
    Bad- waves are a mess.
    Ugly- is it just me, or is that myrkur chick kind of a tire face? Maybe her pr handlers are lying about her being a model too.

    • Dagon

      No veins on forehead = no good

  • congratulations Edward, it’s so good to hear that sobriety is working for you instead of driving you nuts!
    “I’m not sure that either [Cattle Decapitation or Krallice] will wrestle their way onto my best albums of this year”… we know bby. needs moar power electronics

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      I got one PExxx rekkid which is around my Honorable Mentions for this year, but it could get budged out.

  • J.R.™

    I have been existing in a limbo state for the last 2 weeks. College picks up in 5 days so I’ve been coasting through free time very neutrally. should have done something fun but ugh effort.

    However, some good: Wild Game community dinner thing coming up in 2 hours should be fun. Toilet Shirt should be here tomorrow. Pool party with fencing friends tomorrow.

    predictably, the meh:…….Meh.

    Oh and Edward your my hero for today. Good job buddy!

  • Good: Got moved into my new apartment. I’m getting a lot more exercise in Boone. My legs haven’t stopped being sore for four days.
    Bad: I’m feeling home sick. I miss my dogs more than anything.
    Ugly: The fucking traffic here. It took me thirty minutes to make two turns last night.

  • JW(E)G

    Later 2015 albums I’m looking forward to, in varying degrees include:

    – Remaining August: Ghost, Kadavar, Nile, Ahab
    – September: Amorphis, Diemonds, Christian Mistress, TBDM

    I haven’t looked as far as October/November yet, to be frank. New Into Eternity some time then, maybe? Also, if Draconian get theirs out before 2016 rolls around.

    • i’ve heard new Ghost and Nile: the former is wonderful, latter isn’t crushing my nugget.. yet. but it’s good.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      New Kauan album in October fam!

    • CT-12

      Stoked to hear that Christian Mistress as well, though I already really don’t like the cover.

  • JW(E)G

    GOOD, BAD & UGLY (though not in the sense you’re thinking):

    My local mailman found a package at the bottom of a mailbag at the depot that was supposed to be delivered to me a few months ago – a calendar, being the second of three shipments of stuff related to the ‘Two Please’ Short Film Kickstarter. It’s mostly shots taken from ‘One Please’ (the previous short film natch) so nothing about this one is spoiled. And also mostly Michael Berryman.

    Not included, but comparable image:
    http://media.arkansasonline.com/img/photos/2014/04/24/resized_99263-oneplease-michael-berryman_72-18275.JPG

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    GOOD: I saw Anaal Nathrakh today, bass was played by the guy from Napalm Death. Fun was had, blood was bled, drinks were drunk, eyes were blinded.
    BAD: I had a control check in the hospital, basically alright, but they wanna fuck me up real bad.
    UGLY: These ugly ass self-indulgent fans who believe bands exist to serve their needs.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Plz tell me more about your experience with Anaal.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        It was painful at first. Especially around the time I hurt my eye. But Dave Vitriol Hunt knows how to handle a crowd. So gentle…

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Did they forge toward the sunset, so to speak? *wink wink*

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            And how!

    • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

      Anaal Nathrakh have never done much for me, but goddamn were they incredible live.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Way better live for sure. Seen them twice now, both times an amazing show.

  • Dagon

    Edward, my man, great job on staying sober. I know it is hard work. I admire you tremendously for this, among many other things.

  • Dagon

    The only thing I’d like to flush right now is that my batteries died on me while I was, hm, manscaping. Long story short, my dick has a neckbeard. Apparently that is not a smart fashion statement for penises as well.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Also, congrats on ypur sobriety Ed.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    GOOD: Exercise, warm weather, lots of new music, kudos at work.

    BAD: Going to the dentist.

    UGLY: The exact opposite of this goddamned majestic TovH shirt.

    http://36.media.tumblr.com/a5cf4ebe2dc81eaecd4d95b0215318a2/tumblr_nssegiMQnM1r6xm5co1_1280.jpg

  • GOOD: It’s the got-dang weekend, Bobby. My girlfriend is going to paint some ceramics tomorrow with her mom and friends, so I get some alone time (ad-lib masturbation joke).
    BAD: Brunch on Sunday with my girlfriend’s parents for her birthday. They’re wealthy, smart people that always make me feel like shit for choosing a profession that doesn’t make much money/doesn’t require a PhD.
    UGLY: This fucking lady I work with who is conviced the Clintons are funded by “women-torturing terrorists” and won’t shut the fuck up about it. She’s one of the most annoying, ignorant people I’ve ever met, and she works right down the fucking hall from me.

    • DCLXVI

      She is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

      • more beer

        Or maybe Mrs. Zzzzzzzzzz

  • CT-12

    Good: got a 3- day weekend that’s pretty stacked. Gonna see Bongzilla tomorrow, maybe BBQ on Sunday, and go to the Seahawks training camp on Monday. Today it’s raining but I actually don’t mind. Probably gonna watch the Hawks game tonight and maybe some movies. Chill day. Also, stoked for Edward – good job man! I’d like to have a milkshake with you some day!

    Bad: An acquaintance of mine got in an online argument with someone where neither party could really admit that they were right/wrong in their own ways. It got ugly, and left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. Really wish people could just get the fuck along and try and solve problems constructively instead of protecting their ego.

    Ugly: Egotistical fucks.

  • Waynecro

    Congrats on the long-term sobriety, Edward. Stay strong, dude.

  • Waynecro

    Good: Nothing much, really.
    Bad: Lots of shit at the moment.
    Ugly: Spiders, man. There’s been an abundance of these big black-and-gold fuckers that move shockingly fast. They appear at the worst times–the times when I let down my guard. An especially aggressive one the size of a quarter sprung a surprise attack while I was pissing last night. I managed to fend it off with air freshener until I could smash it. The beast’s dying words: “My name is legion, for we are many.”

    • That’s a quote from Hellboy right?

      • Waynecro

        I got it from the Bible, actually. You know, that one chapter in which Jesus casts all the demons out of that black-metal vocalist in the graveyard. Then all the demons go into pigs and jump off a cliff for Satan. The world’s first extreme stage dive.

        • ah yes, especially good as substrate (credit: @Lacertilinger:disqus)
          http://media.boreme.com/post_media/2008/holy-bible-mushrooms.jpg

          • Waynecro

            That is utterly bizarre looking. Slayer recommends keeping the Bible in a pool of blood. Unfortunately, I already keep my Necronomicon there.

          • i’ve never seen a mushroom i’d call less than beautiful.

          • Waynecro

            There’s a dick joke there somewhere.

          • there is no fate but what we make for ourselves

          • Waynecro

            I can dig it. My fate includes laughing at dick jokes whenever someone uses the word “mushroom.” At this rate, I’ll be 12 well into middle age.

  • Max

    The Good: My tax return. Should get a couple of grand back if all goes according to plan.
    The Bad: The weather. It’s been prolongingly and uncharacteristically cold this winter, and my apartment doesn’t trap warmth that well.
    The Ugly: The dent on the side of my car that’ll probably take most of my tax return to get repaired, nullifying the Good.

    Congrats to Edward on his sobriety!

  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    Good: apparently I don’t need to work tomorrow. Quality manager lady rubbed her big ol titties on me while giving me a hug and calling me sunshine (Obvs doesn’t know me well). Going to see weedeater and horseflesh sunday.

    The bad:I might’ve aided in getting a co-worker fired today.

    The ugly: tapir’s mother

  • DCLXVI

    Good: this post, great read and good luck Edward!
    Bad: n/a
    Ugly : my mug in this dapper new toilet shirt!

  • Vladimir Poutine

    The Bad: watching a loved one slowly die as the culmination of a long period of suffering.

    The Good: the Toilet, the fine people therein who offer their support, the killer music I discover through our porcelain temple. Morphine (not for me). Beer, pork, and properly grilled vegetables.

    The Ugly: bad feelings. Pettiness. Time going by very, very slowly.

    • more beer

      Sorry about that. It’s always hard to see a loved one suffer.

    • aw guy, I’m so sorry to hear that. listen to some metal and hopefully it’s better that the suffering is over 🙁

  • OldMetalHead

    Congrats on the sobriety Edward! Sounds like you were in to some serious shit before.

  • who was the dickfucker who recommended i get one of these? well it finally arrived, and its GLORIOUS!

  • A Most Curious Poo Poo Pile

    Good: The TOH shirt came in yesterday. And got a Record Swap and Riff Of The Week sent in.
    Bad: The rest of the week. Long and tiresome week.
    Ugly:

    • my shirt was on my fucking doorstep this evening. can’t believe nobody stole it! thing must be worth a billion dogecoins in St. Louis…