Flush It Friday: The Miscellaneous Grievances Edition


It is Friday, my doobs. Flushing must commence. I have nothing substantial to bitch about, but the Toilet Gods demand bitching, so bitching they shall get. Let the petty woes of this curmudgeonly toiletist be flushed.

1. There is pain in my foot. At all times. Could it be plantar’s fasciitis? A bone spur? I’m not a doctor, and my pathological aversion to doctors and medical facilities prevents me from seeking answers or treatment, so who knows? What I do know is that walking is kind of a bitch now, to say nothing of spending 80% of every workday on my feet.

2. I have a new partner at work, which means CHANGE, which is something I abhor. Even worse–I am expected to train the fucker. I detest telling people what to do, and detest repeating myself even more. To top it all off, he is as stoic and monosyllabic as I, possibly more so, which makes the hours we must spend together in the cab of the truck a total fucking hoot.

3. Our landlords are raising our rent. Inevitable? Yes. Still, fuck you landlords. Right in the face.

I am visiting New England this month for the first time in 7 years. I am going to look at foliage n’ shit and breath deep of the brisk October air and it shall be glorious, GLORIOUS.


Our cats have been vomiting a lot lately. Each of them spews chunks at least once a week for no apparent reason. Cleaning up cat puke makes me want to human puke. But if I do you can bet your ass the fuckin cats aren’t going to clean it up. How is this fair?

And since none of the above really matters, let’s get to the Metal. Here’s something for the season:

The Toilet hungers. Feed it your pain. Then make yourself feel better by talking about all the pizza/beer/video games in which you are going to indulge this weekend. (And please send our beloved Lizard Overlord all your most positive pornographic thoughts.)

(Photos via, via)

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