Flush It Friday: The Dismemberment Edition

Greetings from Olympus Mons, Flushers.

Some of you may remember me from everyone’s favorite Sharon Stone film—the inarguable pinnacle of her celluloid career. You may even remember us making out while that sucker Quaid watched, writhing in his impotence. Doubtless, you recall my ostensible demise: having my arms ripped off by some kind of Martian elevator.

What--no Oscar? Pffft.

What–no Oscar? Pffft.

And doubtless you think I deserved it. But I assure you, my apparent villainy in that film was a trick of editing. You see, originally the film was written as a love story between myself and Stone—with Quaid as the lecherous villain. But the original cut of the film didn’t “play” with test audiences. None of you special-needs Earthlings could understand why I, with my shiny pate and perpetually Jack Nicholson-like brows, was cast as the love-interest, as opposed to that mouth-breathing protean disaster sometimes referred to as the Former Governor of the Meh State of California.

Gross.

Gross.

And so, in some clandestine and poorly ventilated room in the uncouth bowels of Hollywood, the director, Paul Verhoeven, and the editors, Carlos Puente and Frank J. Urioste, conspired to alter the film’s narrative. All that was required was a conscientious re-ordering of scenes, a shuffling of shots. You’d be surprised and appalled how simple it is to transform a film’s tone—nay, its entire meaning—in the editing room.

Point being, the BAD here is that I am a delightful antihero and was robbed of my rightful legacy as such by pandering, greedy, cowardly Hollywood jerks.

The GOOD? Let me see . . . For starters, some kind soul with three mammary appendages (whom the deceitful editors would have you believe perished in a terrorist shooting) discovered me at the bottom of that elevator shaft and brought me to the ER. There, I was nursed back to health by a faction of Quaid-detractors and fitted with a pair of bionic arms. Armed (<——excellent pun) with these badass new limbs, I joined a Martian Death Squad. (We kill kittens, not people.)

Look at him beg for his pitiful life.

Look at him beg for his pitiful life.

At least one among you (I’m not naming any Lizards) will be happy to learn that I spend my days these days hunting hordes of feral cats. These felines were originally introduced into the Martian ecosystem as house-pets, but in the brouhaha following Quaid’s “liberation” of the mutants, several million of these filthy quadrupeds went rogue and now roam the dusty, partially terraformed plains of the Red Planet, breeding with impunity and spreading disease with Satanic delectation. It is my job and my sacred duty to hunt them down with tanks and turret guns and exterminate them by the hundreds. On a good day, I transform the Red Planet’s horizon into clouds of blood-mist and fur; the screams of my enemies rise toward the bloodshot sky like an overture to the pain of damnation.

And with that delightful imagery lingering in your mind’s eye, we come to the UGLY: In response to my noble efforts (hilariously dubbed a “massacre” by peddlers of semantics), PETA, that most nauseating intergalactic organization, has sent a fleet of ships to Mars to enforce some bogus trade embargo and sabotage ongoing terraform efforts.

But before I go off on some PETA-trampling screed, let me at long last bring the METAL:

Enough about me. Let us talk about you. Celebrate yourself and/or grieve for yourself like the Earth-scum that you are. What ails you? What titillates you? What engages your gag reflex? And what gifts of metal do you have for the NEW KING QUEEN SAVIOR DEMIGOD GOD OF THE RED PLANET? Deposit answers in the trash bin labeled “Disqus” below.

(via, via, via)

Written by:

Published on: June 24, 2016

Filled Under: Lolbuttz, Open Swim

Views: 1007

Tags: , , ,

  • Dubbbz

    Good: Got accepted to attend/present at a conference in Louisiana at the end of July. Everything is paid for, and I get a stipend to boot!
    Bad: Texas summer heat.
    Ugly: Richter’s robot arms.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Good job Dubbz! You should have fun in Louisiana, but be warned… it will be as hot as it is in Texas and about 1000 times the humidity than your farm. So drink lots of water and enjoy yourself!

      • Dubbbz

        I most certainly will stay hydrated. Unfortunately, the conference is at the university in Ruston rather than NOLA, so the city will be less entertaining.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          And not as many good Sludge bands.

    • Waynecro

      Awesome! Go, Dubz!

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      Congrats, and enjoy the eats while you’re there!

      • Dubbbz

        Thanks!

  • Lacertilian

    Good: Mrs Lizard’s egg hatched.
    Bad: Seeing her in labour for 42 hours.
    Ugly: Not being allowed to stay with them each night at the hospital.

    Also, that was a fun read Richter, I’ve gotta watch Total Recall again soon. It’s been far too long.

  • GOOD: Nothing really.

    BAD: Can’t find anything to eat that sits well. Had to leave work during lunch because I was so sick. The list goes on and on.

    UGLY: Eating baby food… Yuck.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      damn.

      Can you have fruit? Baby food plums and peaches are pretty good.

      • No fiber. Most fruits are full of fiber which is hard for the stomach to digest.

        • Elegant Gazing Globe

          Pediasure?

          • No dairy. Really nothing I can have. Simple carbs, cod fish, and Puréed food (Baby food) are really all I can tolerate.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Egg whites?

          • I tried them this morning. It was ok but I still felt a lot of stomach pressure. Basically eating anything hurts. Scrambled egg whites are tolerable though.

          • Waynecro

            Goddamn, dude. I hope someone fixes you up pretty soon.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Sucks man, hope the doctor gave you some sort of plan that will help.

          • Rob M

            Jesus brother…best wishes with that shit

          • RJA

            One day you’ll be crushing pb&j’s again, i just know it!

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            I’d recommend Pedialyte or vitamin water to make up for some of the vitamins, electrolytes and minerals you’ve probably lost, but I doubt that much acidity would be a good idea.

          • I have so many supplements that it’s insane. So much money invested in this shitness.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            Hoping they fix whatever’s wrong with ya, and hope you feel a bit better in the meantime.

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      void

    • sweetooth0

      Fucking brutal man.

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • CAVEMAN GORAK™

    GOOD:NEW DARK FUNERAL TODAY!!!!!!
    BETTER: BELPHEGOR, ORIGIN, SHINING & ABIGAIL WILLIAMS TOUR!!!!!!!!
    MOAR GOOD: MEGADETH & AMON AMARTH TOUR TOGETHER!!!!!!!

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    GOOD: Mailmanbro took care of me this week with some essentials
    GOODER: I just finished paying for my vacation in August
    GOODEST: Central Air Conditioning

  • GOOD: Interior of the new house is painted, all ready to move in over the weekend.
    BAD: I have done nothing but work, paint, and pack all week and I’m so fucking done with it. I have to volunteer at some fucking corporate competition thing like 25 minutes away from my house tomorrow morning at 7AM, then I’ll have to hurry my ass home to help move all weekend.
    UGLY: I haven’t been able to exercise properly all week and I feel fucking miserable.

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      “volunteering” for corporate functions sounds like hell on earth

      • Oh, it is. There’s some city-wide corporate athletics competition here in KC and I agreed to help volunteer for this even like 3 months ago, but that was before I knew exactly when it was and that I would be moving the same fucking weekend. I tried to get out of it but the person running the shit was not having it.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    GOOD: 365’s post with those Hellfest videos. Having time to jam.

    BAD: I’ve seen so many shirtless, sunburned overweight Midwesterners today it’s insane. I think I’m trapped in a bad Far Side comic.

    UGLY: This guy’s seat.

    • Mother Shabubu

      Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough…or drunk enough and have a lot of lube.

      • wonderful avatar!!

        • tigeraid

          “Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction, disorder and chaos. Now take this empty glass. Here it is: peaceful, serene, boring. But if it is destroyed…” *shatter*

          “Look at all these little things! So busy now! Notice how each one is useful. A lovely ballet ensues, so full of form and color. Now, think about all those people that created them. Technicians, engineers, hundreds of people, who will be able to feed their children tonight, so those children can grow up big and strong and have little teeny children of their own, and so on and so forth. Thus, adding to the great chain of life. You see, father, by causing a little destruction, I am in fact encouraging life. In reality, you and I are in the same business.”

          • when i first saw this movie in the theater, i fell in love. that was ’97, so i must have been around 16. almost 20 years later and i consider it to be one of the greatest cinematic achievements to be released in my lifetime.
            TL;DR ba-da-boom!

          • tigeraid

            It still holds up. And Milla. Oh Milla.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            I got reminded the other day why I liked ‘AI’ so much way back when:

          • Rob M

            What the hell ever happened to Ashley Scott, she was popping up everywhere for awhile and then just disappeared

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            She’s doing Lifetime movies nowadays, aka where acting careers go to die (Lindsay Lohan in that Liz Taylor movie, anyone?). Still smoking hot though!

            http://img4.bdbphotos.com/images/700×350/h/d/hd17vn5fnxr0n0nh.jpg?skj2io4l

          • tigeraid

            Is it awful that I only remember her from her un-fucking-believable Maxim photoshoot? And yet I’m now embarrassed to have ever read Maxim. But those pages were tacked up on my bedroom wall for ages.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            It’s embarrassing if you’ve read it past 2004, but it was a convenient ally back before the days of free internet porn. Finding it mildly ironic that Playboy’s now trying to become the next Maxim (since they got rid of the nudity), which has always been a watered down, wannabe Playboy.

      • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

        Wise words indeed! I adhere to the wise of words of Ghandi as well.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      *FRRRP*

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      The Midwest is riddled with those types. I’d go to the beaches back in Chicago, and think “man, I’m gonna hot babes, oh yeah, bro!” and quickly found out Chicago beaches are instead riddled with not very many women (and practically no attractive ones) and guys who look like a super hairy version of Gerard Depardu.

    • The Tetrachord of Archytas

      Kinda disappointed that your comment didn’t spawn some good farside talk

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Good: Total Recall!
    Also Good: I will be listening to tunes all night, writing and drinking some decent beer. I’ll do a bit of travelling tomorrow and hopefully take some cool pictures, so that’s nice.
    Metal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOOebk_dKFo

    • CAVEMAN GORAK™

      RANDOM IMMORTAL!!!!!!!!!!!
      https://youtu.be/Q8UiMy3oyC0

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        There is nothing random about Immortal, my dear Caveman. Immortal always has a time and place.

    • Stanley

      Probably their weakest album. I rarely listen to this one.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        It’s not my favorite, but this was the first song that came to mind for the falling, armless, bald Martian dude. Seemed kind of appropriate.

        Which album do you enjoy most?

        • Stanley

          ATHOW. Obvs. Followed by SOND and DIB.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Nice! For me it is probably Sons, followed by Heart of Winter and then Pure Holocaust.
            But there is no wrong answer when it comes to Immortal.

            Thoughts on Demonaz’s solo album?

          • Stanley

            I’ve not heard it.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Oh, okay. I just ordered it. So mailmanbro should be delivering it fairly soon.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight
          • tigeraid

            YA FILTHY ANIMAL.

          • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

            I can’t say that guy’s name without it sounding like Demon Ass.

          • Hans Müller

            Always dismissed Damned for some reason. Only recently realized it’s pretty awesome.

          • Stanley

            My Dimension is pretty rockin’.

        • CAVEMAN GORAK™

          SONS OV NORTHERN DARKNESS>AT HEART OV WINTER>PURE HOLOCAUST>BATTLES IN NORTH>DAMNED IN BLACK>ALL SHALL FALL>BLIZZARD BEAST>DIABOLICAL FULLMOON MYSTICISM

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            GORAK LIST SMASH!!!!!!

          • Hans Müller

            Y NO LIKE DEBUT?!

          • CAVEMAN GORAK™

            LIKE ALL IMMORTAL(ALSO I, ABBATH & DEMONAZ SOLO)!!!!!!! BUT SOMETHING HAD B LEAST FAVORITE!!!!!!

        • In the Nightshade Eclipse

          • CAVEMAN GORAK™

            MOTHER NORTH ROCKS!!!!!!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Well played.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Anthems To The Walken At Dusk

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm
  • Waynecro

    Good: The internet taunt “Come at me, scrublord. I’m ripped!”
    Bad: I don’t know how I did it, but I hurt my back. Now I can’t help but lean to the right. I feel like I’m 100 years old.
    Ugly: The high-level dickbags in Tom Clancy’s The Division who go rogue in the Dark Zone and kill lower-level players who are just TRYING TO EXTRACT THEIR MEAGER LOOT AND LEVEL UP!!! THEY DON’T EVEN TAKE THE LOOT I DROP BECAUSE IT’S USELESS TO THEM!!! THEY JUST KEEP KILLING ME TO BE MEAN!!!

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      THOSE BASTARDS!

      • Waynecro

        The dude I play with got fed up and rage quit.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          RAGE QUIT!
          Did he say something cool when he did it?

          • Waynecro

            I think he mumbled something like, “Sorry, dude. I just can’t anymore.” And then he was gone.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Oh, tad bit of a let down. I was hoping for more of a YOU MOTHERF-IF I EVER MEET YOU I WILL BEAT YOU WITH YOUR OWN LEGS YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF-I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Waynecro

            He was probably too high to be that hostile. I swore a lot, then I went back and got all my loot when the rogues finally left.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Haha, alrighty then.
            Gotta get that loot.

          • Waynecro

            I need a higher gamer score that will totally impress the ladies.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            And your constituents!

            WAYNECRO’16!!!

        • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

          Did he “Swat” you afterwards?

          • Waynecro

            No, he just went away. He may not play the game again.

    • CyberneticOrganism
    • Rob M

      Dude screwing up your back is the worst…I did a number on mine a few years ago, took about a week before I really felt better…Best things for it are heat and rest

      • Waynecro

        Thanks, man. I just hate it when I tweak something during some mundane activity. The AARP ought to let you join after the first time you throw your back out sneezing or getting out of the car. I feel like I need to lie on the couch and complain to my dog about “kids these days.”

        • Rob M

          Believe me man, I know. I sounded like a 90 year old every time I tried to get out of bed in the morning to hobble down to the bathroom

  • JWEG

    Good: The latest, recently released Scorpion Child album is pretty sweet. No, really.

    I also got the brand new Tragically Hip album this week, which is predictably excellent but oddly quite different from everything they’ve done previously. It recalls all the same influences (including their own earlier material) but in a very different way than even the quite-different things they’ve done in the last decade (since Downie started bringing his country-fied solo-act influences into the band).

    Bad made Good, eventually: It’s not a long weekend. Yet. Next Friday is Canada Day, so that’s a day off I will celebrate in totally patriotic fashion: beer, BBQ (assuming the weather cooperates), and multiple Canadian rock & metal mix-tapes (mixed-Bandcamp-FLAC-downloads-on-a-smartphone anyway).

    Ugly:

    http://bloody-disgusting.com/videos/3396332/nsfw-90s-commercial-spoof-gets-real-dark-real-fast/

    (also kind of Ugly – the fact that the first comment on BD posts lately is invariably a dickhat, anti-fun, detractor-for-negativity’s-sake. Every time. It’s almost as bad as you get from any metal blog that allows anonymous comments)

    METAL:

    Trees n’ Show: http://livevictoria.com/show/416152/view

    I’m definitely going to that. Helps that my scheduled workweek actually ends on Wednesday.

    • sweetooth0

      I love that “every 90’s commercial ever” vid! What part of Canada you from JWEG? Me and my GF will be in Calgary for Canada Day this year (Revenge is the next day).

      • JWEG

        British Columbia. I live in Victoria, with occasional periods of residence in Metro Vancouver if work requires it.

    • tigeraid

      I didn’t realize amongst all the unfortunate discussion of Gord’s cancer that they dropped a new album. Will have to check it out.

  • JWEG

    Also, this, which obviously I found when it followed Hot Dad’s ALF theme:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaJv3_AivA4

    It’s Good, Bad, Ugly, and even a little Metal (in attitude only) all rolled into one video.

    • The podcast on Monday is gonna make you happy.

    • one of my favorite people made a song about one of my other favorite people.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    If you’re in the mood for an insane 80s/90s movie mashup, check this out. It’s awesome.

    https://vimeo.com/167795970

  • tertius_decimus

    Good: got my best puncture. ~15 km on a flat wheel sometimes don’t suck. Rim is almost intact (I have a habit of breaking things beyond repair). Sometimes even such lousy fuckups make you smile even if you’re risking damaging your gear. Also, calligraphy serves nice as a mind cure. Wide bloody callus on my middle finger says it all, IFYKWIM.

    Bad: nothing really. Things can’t be bad all the time. You can’t go downhill eternally.

    Ugly: my calligraphy. Don’t ask to share. The last time I wrote something was like… 6 years ago? Getting older and lazier.

    http://i.piccy.info/i9/518cc447ff59d3f16caf51b288130667/1466722222/302451/1018099/DSCN2858.jpg

    • Stanley

      Dude! Why didn’t you fix your flat out on the road? Riding on a flat wheel is not only dangerous but can be very expensive.

      • tertius_decimus

        I use puncture-resistant tyres. This is the first flat after ~6000 kms, so I almost forgot what it’s like and abandoned the need to carry the pump and spare tubes.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Good or bad who knows: leaving the choking bureaucracy of the EU behind but being stuck with even worse hereditary political elite in charge of our own country
    Ugly: simpering cunts talking about how we need LESS democracy

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Worst of all: politics on a metal blog, this shit makes me hate myself

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      At least Britain is now free from the iron grip of Iceland, or something like that.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        At least we’re not under threat of Viking invasion any more.

        • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

          I dunno, those Faroese folks vastly outnumber you, and are always up for some plundering.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        ICELAND IS BEAUTIFUL AND ITS PEOPLE ARE LOVELY

  • nbm02ss

    Good: Colleague from another department gave me the head’s up on a job position that opened up, so I’m hoping I can get an interview for that in the near future. I know it’s not wise to count your chickens before they hatch, but I can’t help but think of the major quality of life shift it would bring: benefits, finally having the $$$ to crush the remainder of my student loans (college is a scam), and eventually allowing me to get back into a car hobby.

    Bad: Florida weather; forecast calls for 97 and humid this weekend. Guess I’m not leaving the AC.

    Ugly: Yo mama.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      My mother is a pretty lady, you take that back.

    • Mother Shabubu

      At least my momma doesn’t live in Florida. REKT.

  • Abradolf Lincler

    The Git Gud: taking a break from gaming after being the greatest at yet another Souls game, records ordered (Mortifera, Hostium, and Midnight), going to hang out with my buddy and some girl who flew from New Zealand to meet him tomorrow.

    Bad: AC unit on the fritz (home not car)

    Ugly: FUCK YOU WEATHER

    • Stanley

      Which Midnight record did you get?

      • Abradolf Lincler

        Complete and Total Hell (already own NMFM and SR)

  • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

    The Good: I found out Disqus has finally caught up with modern times and now has a ‘block user’ function. I’ve been getting some major chubbage using this, and so far have 5 people on there (which will probably be it for a while, even though hitting that button does engorge my manhood and Supreme Leader sense of power). Also, Britain is now free from the tyrannical rule of The Faroe Islands, or whatever that Brexit thing was about (no congrats though on them making 10% of their GDP go poof, their currency at a 30 year low, and crashing the markets all in a couple of hours)

    The Bad: Nothing much. It’s been nice and chill around my way, and smoking way less.

    The Funny: Dongmold is a dumb dumb plum.

  • tigeraid

    Richter is forever my favourite baddy. Except maybe Khan.

    The Good: The pool is up and running at the Ranch and is very nice to float in. I may even try floating in it with a lot of beer, this weekend.

    The Bad: I am reconsidering living in the country because we can’t go a DAY without almost dying hitting a deer on the road, or hearing about some horrific deadly accident caused by idiots not paying attention. Commuting in the country should not be this fucking terrifying.

    The Ugly: I am doing my once-a-month Saturday shift, so I’m falling into a morbid pit of angry depression and once again considering listening to my pal Richter’s brand of sorrowful, angry Black.

    • Dubbbz

      A fair amount of my research focuses on traffic safety in rural areas. In Texas, more fatalities actually occur on rural roads than urban ones, and the rate per vehicle mile of travel is much higher.

      • tigeraid

        Right! That’s what I found out after moving, that statistically it’s deadlier because of the fucking speeds. And because no one cares or thinks ahead on country roads, your attention wavers. Tons of t-bones from people pulling left around blind corners–that’s how I got the Honda wrecked a few months ago.

        You get more fender benders in town, but much less injuries and fatalities.

        It honestly has me wondering. I’ve gone my whole life without accidents, I’m a great driver and I’ve taught high performance winter driving. I like to think I’m pretty calm and cool but it does actually give me pause, these days.

      • CAVEMAN GORAK™

        ME RODE SABERTOOTH KITTY BACK UP & DOWN I35 BETWEEN SA & AUSTIN 4 TIME!!!!!! THAT ROUGH STRETCH OV HIGHWAY!!!

      • Count_Breznak

        Do collisions with bullets count into those ?

        • Dubbbz

          Ha! Not in the databases I use. Pretty sure that would just be homicide ;P

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight
  • Bad: we need our local grindprophet back to 100%, dammit!
    Good: um… watched Terminator 2 again recently, it holds up incredibly well (i mean we kinda knew that)
    Ugly: i’m not good at this. let me think… oh yeah, this place is just a little uglier without our cute lil’ Tapir around

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      I agree with all three of your statements.

      Where has Tapir been?

      • he makes the occasional cameo appearance in here, but it’s never enough. *le sigh*

        • JWEG

          So, his presence gradually tapir-ed off to the minimum…

          • BobLoblaw

            Heyoooo!

        • tigeraid

          I haven’t felt enough forced hate lately. I miss it.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        its that time of the year where they do that giant floating bro orgy, i think.

        also, if our weather is any indication, tapir might be suffering from successive heat strokes

        • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

          Successive meat strokes

          FTFY

    • CyberneticOrganism
  • sweetooth0

    GOOD: It’s Friday fuckers! Going to see Indpendence Day 2 in 3D AVX DBOX. I know it’ll be dumb, but I’m sure it’ll deliver on mass destruction and lazers and shit.

    Then I got a sick show tomorrow with Wake, Goathammer, Mechanical Seperation and a band I haven’t heard before called Wrought. Basically you get grind, black and death metal all in one gig!! And there’s gonna be a couple distros there and I already got a die hard edition of Revenge – Attack.Blood.Revenge reserved and being brought in for me!

    My girlfriend just got a new job at this outdoor event centre/green house/cider distillery place just outside of the city. She’s super pumped to have an outdoor job in a really beautiful place and be out of the shitty high stress sales phone line job she was doing before.

    Revenge in Calgary next weekend!

    BAD/UGLY: honestly not that much right now. Pretty shit ass broke from the divorce costs last week, but I’ll make it work (read: dig self deeper into debt pit).

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Sounds cool, you gonna do a review of the show?

      • sweetooth0

        I can try. I tend to get pretty wasted at shows, so not sure how good my review would be. I probably would not be able to speak to the nuances of the performances beyond: they fucking destroyed, I banged my head until I got a neck injury!

        • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

          Already, that review sounds better than 90% of the reviews on other metal blogs/mags!

          • sweetooth0

            ha ha, nice. Sure, I have access to actually write posts for the blog now, so I’ll see what I remember come next week.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            BAND FUCKING SLAYED, DONT REMEMBER WHAT SONGS THEY PLAYED, DRANK MANY BEERS FUCK YEAH 10/10

          • sweetooth0

            pretty much yup ha ha!

        • CyberneticOrganism

          There’s your review! No need to overthink

    • Duuuuuude!!! That show sounds so brutal. The new WAKE album destroys!!!

      • sweetooth0

        Yeah, saw them a little while back (in February) and snagged it then. They destroyed live. We stood right at the front of the stage, gripped the monitors and just banged fucking head the whole time. Very pumped to finally see Goathammer!

  • Max

    Good: Plenty of work helps me pay the bills.

    Bad: Plenty of work leaves less time to practice drums.

    Ugly: Just yesterday, the community radio station where I work vacated its premises for a new home. It’s a lot more dire than it sounds from that description.

    For Americans, “community radio” is basically the equivalent of “college radio” (ie: the one place on the dial where you’re more likely to hear Napalm Death than yacht rock). The station I work for was the first of this kind in Australia and has been going since 1972. It was situated in a building owned by the University of Adelaide, who also largely funded its operating budget.

    After a lengthy, frustrating and top-down review process, the university has decided to divest itself of the radio station. Although other community organizations have stepped into the breach, the new entity, in a new premises, will not have the capability, potential or reach that it once had. Many staff have lost their jobs, and mine, though safe for now, won’t be immune.

    More importantly, I’ve been there for about 14 years – starting as a volunteer – and no other organization I’ve been involved with has ever meant as much to me. It’s where I got my start in my audio career – the networking and skills development I got are as apparent in my gainful employment today as when I first arrived. It’s where I met many cool people. It’s where I once aired my own show: “Leasebreakers – music to help you get evicted”. It’s where two bands I’ve previously been in got to play live-to-air and walk away with a multi-track recording of each session.

    I spent much of yesterday helping to strip the place out of office and technical equipment to be moved to the new premises, and I was there when they switched the on-air broadcast signal from the old master control room to the new one. It happened at the same time we got news about the Brexit vote result. I’ll leave you to interpret the omen.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I hope it survives even though I love yacht rock.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      im still in awe of the brexit vote. and your job seems characteristically american. curious

      • Max

        In what way?

        • Abradolf Lincler

          >university “runs out of money” for radio station
          >radio station bought by private company

          • Max

            Your first point is basically correct.

            Your second: Well, it wasn’t bought by a private company. Because it holds a community broadcasting license (as opposed to a public or commercial one), and they can’t be sold. Instead, what’s happened is that this licence has been transferred to a new entity, with a board, upon which the university has one seat. And the station now shares a (smaller) premises with another community radio station several blocks away in the CBD.

            That said, now starved of funding, the new entity will need to find new ways of generating revenue to stay operational, ie: behave more like a private corporation. So you’re not entirely wrong.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            which is basically the american premise: defund the shit out of it til it doesnt function. then say, “hey, look! this thing no longer works! lets shut it down!”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Painfully true

          • Dubbbz

            That sounds like an emotional day. I’m sorry to hear it. Something like that happened with our college radio station a few years back. The university ended up picking it up again but it turned it into a more “educational” station like NPR.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: Ive been working a lot, they’re adding the rest of Monday Nitro to the WWE Network

    Bad: nothing

    Ugly: RIP Bernie Worrell.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Sad to hear about his passing.

    • Grandpa’s Magic Fleshlight

      Damn, that sucks (about his passing)!

  • Rob M

    Good: Closing in on what will be a very good month for my business, the first in a while

    Bad: Waiting on payments from various accounts

    Ugly: The aftermath of the fucking car fire that managed to hold up the beltway yesterday for something like 6+ hours

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Business is a boomin’

      • Rob M

        Finally…

  • Hans Müller

    Good: Just got back from seeing Sun Worship. It was amazing.
    Sound was a lot better than I expected from the venue; while opener Tongue’s kick drum could probably be heard two blocks over, things were more balanced for the main act.
    As I expected, hardly a word was spoken once sound check was through and songs kind of bled into one another, making for a relentless, trance-inducing wall of sound.
    Also, not only did the drummer adhere to the ABB rule, but he wore jorts while doing so.

    Bad: Went there alone. Eh.

    Ugly: The photos I attempted to make.

    Merch
    http://i.imgur.com/HPsGnEd.jpg

    Tongue (https://tonguebm.bandcamp.com/releases)
    http://i.imgur.com/2FPjZju.jpg

    Sun Worship (https://sunworship.bandcamp.com/)
    http://i.imgur.com/NtMV6Sn.jpg

    Toilet
    http://i.imgur.com/cNNxBQS.jpg

    • Abradolf Lincler

      i got dat vinyl, have you heard the new album/did they play much of it?

      • Hans Müller

        Yeah, that was most of the set. They closed with Perihelion. The drummer did the clean vocal part, the other two then joined in, it sounded awesome.

        Didn’t exactly fall in love with the new one as I did with this though, so I only got one of them.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          the title track off that album is the jam, pmuch the whole reason i grabbed it (other than the name)

    • CyberneticOrganism

      TOILET OV STEEL

  • EsusMoose

    Good: First week on the job done, new hire peers seem cool, I get free tea at work and I’m gonna use the shit out of that, speaking of, first poop on the job
    Bad: endless training, wore new shoes cause I couldn’t find the more broken in pair which were underneath an anthrax shirt and they cut into my heel so it hurt to walk, I’ve started the corporate life. Not used to a 45 hour week so I’ve done nothing when I get home.
    Ugly: exhaustion from info overload, corporate culture, not getting a garbage can with a lid so my place smells if I leave certain foods in there.
    Have a great weekend

  • The Mighty Thorange

    Good: Finished booking everything for my holiday backpacking through mainland Europe! It should be awesome.
    Bad: The U.K voted out of the E.U due to the disturbing rise of right wing arseholes who blame everything on immigrants (sound familiar?) but hopefully my nation Scotland will finally get our independance now and remain in the E.U so that is a silver lining I suppose.
    Ugly: The value of the pound. I hope I can still afford my Europe trip next month.
    Also, hello Toileteers! First time commenting but have been reading this fine site for a long time.

    • tertius_decimus

      Welcome home! Take a seat and feel the comfort.

    • Dubbbz

      Greetings. I hope the Brexit doesn’t ruin your travel plans.

      • The Mighty Thorange

        Thanks man. It shouldn’t ruin my plans, it just might be a bit more expensive than I had initially planned. I am mainly concerned about what the future holds. The U.K seems to be overrun with fascists and xenophobes who voted out because of some bullshit arguments about controlling immigration and spending money spent on the EU on the NHS instead (I know most folk here are Americans and national healthcare isn’t popular but over here it is a big issue). But both those points have been proven to be bullshit and the politicians who championed those arguments have been caught on live T.V lying through their fucking teeth. Also all of Scotland and Northern Ireland voted to stay in the EU so we do not see this as fair representation and feel that our voices do not count in anything.

        Hopefully us Scots can get Independence and join the EU ourselves though. Sorry for the rant. This is a big event and people here are angry and shocked and looking for answers.

  • Mary Peterson