Flush It Friday: The Ballad(s) of Guacamole’s Ass

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[Editor’s Note: What in the fuck.] You’ve been warned.

Greetings, fellow flushers! Welcome back to Flush it Friday, our weekly Friday aftenoon tradition where we gather around the warm glow of the bowl and vent our frustrations to one another in the common bond of friendship. For those who don’t know how this works, go fuck yourself the general rules are as follows:

THE GOOD: Post something good that happened during your week.

THE BAD: Post something bad that happened during your week.

THE UGLY: Talk about disgusting things.

Got it? Good! Let’s get to it.


THE BAD: Many of you faithful bowl dwellers will have read the most recent This Toilet Tuesday, where I posted a picture of my right buttock. For those who missed my bare ass, take a gander:

original

The hair barely even distracts from the bruise.

 

Beautiful, right? That little gem is a product of a collision between my ass and a pole. No, not like that. Jerk. A city light pole. And let me tell you, that motherfucker hurts.

THE UGLY: Let’s look at that again.

IMAG0200

That’s my bed. Get it back in your pants, gentlemen.

 

Fucking ugly.

THE GOOD: Many developments have taken place since the posting of the above photograph. In addition to reaching upwards of twenty upvotes in the comments section (TWENTY!!), the picture went viral, and became an internet sensation in the music community. Since Tuesday, many of the most noted bands in the world have written songs about my butt, including (but not limited to) Foo Fighters, Breaking Benjamin (on their new album, Songs You Can Play on One String), and Lady Gaga.

However, seeing as we’re a metal (or whatever) community, I decided to include songs by artists that you, the reader, will know and love. Hold onto your collective buttocks, and let’s JAM!

First off, the super obscure black metal band, Hyvvinrdtfrountt (from Andorra) were so horrified by how disgusting my ass appeared that they wrote a song comparing the bruise to Satan. At least I think they did – who the hell can understand black metal anyway.

 

Don’t try looking them up; they’re way too obscure. You filthy fucking casual.


 

Next up we have the sludge/prog band Extinct Hairy Elephant with their offering to my ass, “The Tale of Guacamole.”

 

I liked them better before they sold out.


 

Last (but not lea– okay, least; whatever) is the experimental hip-hop trio, Dutch Blitz with their song “Noided Guacamole.”

 

After writing the song (their only song) they broke up via napkin.


 

And there you have it! I’m famous as fuck and you’re a pleb, doomed to obscurity. Maybe that can be your “bad” (like I care). Post what happened to you this week in the comments section, and in closing, here’s my butt:

IMAG0193

Okay, I’m sorry for making you jizz all over your work computers.

 

  • Dr. Dubz

    Boss: “Are you looking at butt pictures at work?”
    Me: ‘Yah, but it’s a dude’s butt.”
    Boss: “Oh, carry on.”

  • Dr. Dubz

    The good: Got new couches!

    The bad: Allergy season.

    The ugly: Snapbacks.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7_78nWnYsg&feature=youtu.be

    • Tyreeva Green

      Man do I have bad Allergies during the spring time. It’s a mess.

      • Dr. Dubz

        Me too, dude. Wake up with headaches a lot

        • Tyreeva Green

          Yeah, the mornings are always the worst for me. We just started to get things to bloom here. Not looking forward to blowing my nose every 30 seconds.

    • Look… I know these kids are like 13 but still that 2nd kid has a flow weaker than Lil B.

      • Herr Schmitty

        Ain’t nobody like his ‘flow of a dehydrated 68 year old man with an enlarged prostate and testicular cancer-having ass’

    • Lacertilian

      Because it’s perpetually warm here, plants all flower & push on new growth at different times during the year (spring is still dominant though), so I get hayfever type shit in spring & autumn.
      Fun.

  • You sure like to take pictures of yourself. That’s not a complaint, by the way.
    The good: omg maybe meeting Father Joe in a month omg
    The bad: On the way to school this morning I decided to check what was on the radio. A block of Godsmack songs was followed by a block of Sublime songs. I should have just veered right off that bridge. One day, very soon…
    The ugly: Your butt.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwQ9g5rW5jg

    • Tyreeva Green

      Looking forward to the new album.

    • J.R.

      Bro venturing into radio land is always tricky business.
      I start on Political talk, next button is rock, other rock, then country, pop hits, and the hip hop station.
      This takes about 12 seconds because everything sucks, then my aux cable goes in and its ipod time.

  • Tyreeva Green

    The Good: Got my tax return money back finally which takes care of my car registration, inspection, rent, and it also covers hotel costs for Hell’s Headbash 2. I also started my first denim vest which is coming along nicely. The back patch is Mayhem’s “Deathcrush” and some of the other patches include: Revenge, Beherit, Cancer, Carcass, Entombed, Nihilist, Gorgoroth, Darkthrone, Anal Vomit, Last Days of Humanity, Shitfucker, Hell Goat, Morbid Slaughter, Celtic Frost, and Dissection.

    The Bad: SEWING! I hate it, I hate it… I fucking hate it!!!

    The Ugly: Tomorrows hangover. Also, tomorrow is the 2015 Blue-White Game for
    PSU football (BARF). There are going to be so many shitty fucking people in my
    town. Murder them all!

    http://media.giphy.com/media/OCu7zWojqFA1W/giphy.gif

    • Lacertilian

      How far along is your vest?
      Also, are you trying to conjure @do_you_think_he_saurus:disqus ? I really hope so

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Woo man ass!!!

    • Dr. Dubz

      “Everybody’s gay some of the time.” -RDJ, Tropic Thunder.

    • Friday I’m in love a dude?

      • Guacamole Jim

        I’m in love with the coco?

        • J.R.

          Oh no. Please no. Man I had just gotten that out of my head.
          better than “what do you do with a drunken sailor” I guess.

  • nbm02ss

    Good: It’s Friday
    Bad: Last night I broke the pinky toe on my left foot.
    Ugly: My broken pinky toe. All shades of red, black, and blue.

  • Scrimm

    Good: Working again.
    Bad: Working again,
    Ugly: I gotta drop some pounds. I look terrible in a dress shirt.

    • but how do you look in ass pics?

      • Scrimm

        Wouldn’t you like to know.

        • Guacamole Jim

          YES

  • I’m a little concerned about your undergarment selection, I’d opt for boxers so your boys can hang.

    Good – My wife gave birth to our baby girl on Tues. We got home from the hospital today and are glad to be home.
    Bad – Staying at a hospital for 4 days sucks. The couch I had to sleep on may as well’ve been a bed of nails. On a positive note, the flushing power of the toilet over there would take that new Slayer song deep to the depths of the sewer.
    Ugly – Nothing

    • Dr. Dubz

      Congrats on a successful spawning!

    • Scrimm

      Congrats man.

    • Congrats!

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      Congratulations.

    • Guacamole Jim

      CONGRATS DUDE!!

      Also, Saxx ftw man. They’re pushed about in these pictures, but they have a comfortable pouch for one’s junk, keeping them away from the legs (preventing the formerly inevitable batwings) but allowing them breathing room.

      • I must say the pose in the 2nd pic is very David Hasselhoff of you.

      • sweetooth0

        SAXX for the win!!

        • sweetooth0

          Finally, underwear that prevents my nutsack from sticking to my legs!

          • Guacamole Jim

            When I discovered them I berated myself for never thinking of it before. They’re a game changer, man.

          • sweetooth0

            Yup, got a pair for X-mas one year, then went out and bought a new pair every cheque for a while until I had a drawer full of em. Why was this never thought of before!?!

    • Tyreeva Green

      Alright man, congrats! We have another grind-head in this world. Get her blasting early.

      • We’ll see, she’s mom’s responsibility but I’m free to blast grind with my son. For real – he loves the Sockweb videos.

    • KJM

      Congrats!!

    • Keegan Lavern Still

      Huzzah!

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Congrats! That’s awesome!

    • more beer

      Congratulations! Staying at the hospital for a period of time sucks. I spent close to a week doing that when my buddy had a liver transplant in November. His old lady was having a hard time and needed someone to keep her company.

      • Stanley

        Was his liver transplant due to too much hanging around with More Beer?

        • more beer

          Pretty much he lived a pretty hard lifestyle. He played in the AHL & NHL and was also in a pretty big touring band. So he definitely partied pretty hard.

    • Jointsalot

      Congrats!

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      Congratulations! What’s her name?

    • Congratulations, brah.

    • Stanley

      Congrats on your game changing new addition.

  • THE GOOD: Guacamole Jim’s butt
    THE BAD: School.
    THE UGLY: The balls of my feet.

    • Akerskronks ov Steele

      The feet of my balls have been killing me lately too.

  • Also pls pls pls let there be a butt thread.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Be the change you want to see in the Toilet.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Don’t be hasty, master hobbit.

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    The Good: Since I swapped maths at college, I now have a 4 hour break between lessons on wednesday. These are usually awful experiences that make me wonder what I’d look like hanging by my neck from a flagpole, but this wednesday was different. Instead me and a mate decided to wait outside my lesson on a wednesday incase some people in my maths class were there, and whadda you know, there was a bunch of people from my maths class were there. After some awesome bastard brought his speaker, a weird mini-party began, choons were played (Mostly rap, metal and Andrew W.K. as well, so :D), Yu-Gi-Oh duels were fought, terrible sing-a-longs to Queen were had, there was even a race between two crazy fucks (EDIT: Bearing in mind, this was a second floor corridor where one side of it was a 15 foot drop, so yeah not safe for a race). It got to the point where a tutor was called to try and shut us up, it was class. Best of all, I even managed to solve some of my social dynamics shit there as well, took me long enough.
    The Bad: FUCK MY COMPUTING TUTOR!!!! I’ve bitched about him a lot, but I’m probably gonna fail Computing because of that cvnt.
    The Ugly: My face irl. Sorry I couldn’t think of anything else.

    • J.R.

      Dude I had to drop an “Applied Linear Algebra” class becuase the teacher was confused and was teaching straight up Matrix Theory…which is no bueno. Anyways, now I have this 4 hour break between physics and lab. I have become so good at billiards/pool it isn’t even funny.

      • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

        My college doesn’t have that, mines British college. We have a Refectory (lovingly referred to as the feccy) and some breakout areas with computers (Thank fuck they have access to YouTube), thats it. I wish we had a few pool rooms where I’m at, because otherwise its either the feccy, breakout areas or you go into town. On the plus side, the college library lets you rent out films, and not just Transformers too, some really cool stuff. It even has some Alan Moore graphic novels too.

  • Good: Gonna take a little vacation next month and meet Christian and Pumpkin Bebe. Also, got on the guest list to see Sleater-Kinney tonight. And going to Louisiana for gamblin’ tomorrow. There is no bad. All is rad.

    • Take pictures. Naked pictures.

      • J.R.

        Toilet ov Bvtts up in here
        Witness the Thickness indeed

  • Keegan Lavern Still

    Le Good: I got my new Ghost Bath and Abusiveness albums in the mail today, and am overjoyed to have found out that I have statistically significant data for my correlational research project, which will make writing the fuck-forsaken manuscript more bearable.

    Le Bad: I have two more papers plus a proposal for an experimental research project to write by the end of the semester.

    Le Ugly: Apparently my man-child of a roommate took offense to my rather blasé cursing towards our obnoxiously sensitive smoke alarm the other day. At least that’s what his parents told me yesterday, along with how they “don’t really approve” of my “lifestyle choices”, i.e., metal. Nevermind that I’m a borderline-teetotaler of a full-time student who’s largely independent and is basically a surrogate babysitter to their inept child. I never imagined I would have to put up with that bullshit again.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Send them this article and tell them to chill out to mellow butts.

      For real. Nothing could go wrong; they sound delightful.

      • Keegan Lavern Still

        That’s the thing; up till yesterday, they couldn’t have been more pleasant. I’ve talked with them both several times, especially his mother about her work with troubled kids and mine with vulnerable adults. It came from out of nowhere, too; I’ve worn my band shirts and played music while making dinner whenever they’ve been over to clean their son’s shit. Why they chose to bring it up only then is over my head.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Who knows man. I lived with a guy once who was super pleasant to me all the time, but whenever he would go visit his parents he’d send me really nasty emails about how terrible I was as a roommate. People don’t make a ton of sense.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Keep fighting the good research fight, bro.

      • Keegan Lavern Still

        I’d rather castrate myself than do it, frankly. But I have to to get my degree somehow…

        • Dr. Dubz

          I spent this morning driving around to different high school in my area to get principal’s to agree to our research project.

          • Keegan Lavern Still

            I’m sure getting everyone’s consent was an easy and simple process with no hiccups or infuriating bullshit whatsoever.

          • Dr. Dubz

            The IRB can bite my bag.

          • J.R.

            “Yes sir….that’s right sir…Satanic Murdergrind for the first 5 hours, followed by Post-Demonic Crustpunk to cleanse the palate…just ignore the part about Toilets sir…..yes sir thank you very much for your time”

    • Tyreeva Green
      • Dr. Dubz

        Amen and amen.

      • Lacertilian

        Tyreeva Green is the pinnacle of your recent name-change escapade!
        So fucking good.

        • Stanley

          Eva Green in Casino Royal is the business.

    • The God Emperor of Mankind

      Dude wat? How old is this kid? That’s really quite un-dank.

    • more beer

      Tell his parents you don`t approve of them. What you do and like is none of their business. then torture the son.

    • J.R.

      Wait…your roommate told on you to his parents?
      Dude that is the most Poser thing I have ever had in my presence.

  • EsusMoose

    Good: It’s warm
    Bad: A very large project that I’ve invested 40-50 hours into had its due date changed to an earlier date, so I’ve frantically have tried to learn the math and programming necessary to do it but it’s due later and I can at best get a C. As I’ve also been buried underneath my other classes I have to also decide if I’m going to drop another class where I’m currently sitting at a high D but its midterm and next major project will decide enough of my grade that if I don’t do well I’ll not do well enough to pass. So I was told to look at the distribution, which means I have to compute a poor approximation of the standard deviations so I can decide if continuing is worth the possibly failure.
    tl;dr Grades will be bad, and have to decide if I can work hard enough or be smart enough to pass. High level computer courses suck.
    Ugly: My eating and drinking habits, my hair, my current work ethic, my shoes, my facial hair.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Good luck with the courses, amigo. That shit gets stressful.

  • KJM
  • Sacritastic

    The good: I am in a nice club. Alcohol is cheap
    The bad: I am the driver.
    The ugly: There is a hole in my foot’s skin and it looks fucking disgusting.

    I won’t stay sober tomorrow.
    Hail Jägermeister, holy brewing of the mighty Hirschgott!

  • Bad: I’ve seen more of guacamole’s ass than I ever thought I would.

    Good: finally found time to narrow down and condense my playlist a bit.

    Ugly: 7 more hours till I can play gta again. Help me I’m addicted or something.

    Bonus round: I found $100 in cash in my wallet this morning because I forgot I had cash in my wallet. I spent it all on music. M/

  • The Beargod

    Good Alcobeer on Friday
    Bad Your mom, take my word
    Ugly Guac’s ass

  • Óðhinn

    Good: My film history class (and last class of this term) ends today.
    Bad: Haven’t studied enough. Studying right now.
    Ugly: My final exam is in 2 hours.

    I like this song. Am I crazy?:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw22xtYw-I4

    • J.R.

      I wouldnt slay you over it. Probably would change the radio station if it came on.
      Would skip on iPod if driving. Wouldnt skip on iPod if being driven.

  • KJM
  • Sir Tapir the Based

    Good: that sweet Guac ass. The election will end soon.
    Bad: I can already feel my allergies

    • Guacamole Jim

      I feel bad for you allergy-laden folks in the spring.

      • Sir Tapir the Based

        It’s hell. It would be easier if my allergies were normal, but no! I have to be severey allergic to Birch shit!

        • Guacamole Jim

          Brich shit??

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I dun goofed. I fixed it.

          • Guacamole Jim

            AH. Oh damn man. I have honestly never heard of that. Although there aren’t many birch trees up in my neck of the woods.

        • Lacertilian

          Tapir vs Betula

          Anti-histamines don’t work for you? Or you do the whole no drug thing there too?

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I do use anti-histamines, but only in spring. If I didn’t, I couldn’t leave my house at all.

          • Lacertilian

            The home-bound Tapir would make a good Finnish folk-rock concept album

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            That would become an extremely depressing neofolk album.

          • Lacertilian

            Aren’t they all?

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            Nah, it’d be sung by Randy Newman, your favorite!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqNG_SrSa4o

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            I just ride with my sinuses without any meds, but I definitely cut down on the smoking in the summer for that reason.

      • Come at me bitch allergies!

    • KJM

      Silly: That idjit over at FFB trying to convince us all that NPR is a socialist plot.

      • JWG

        CBC’s international broadcasts. Those are the real socialist plot.

        NPR is cute for trying, though.

      • Big Poppa Penis Pump

        Speaking of oddball conspiracy theorists, whatever happened to Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

        • KJM

          I think we’ve been a normalizing influence on him/her. As such, perhaps zzzzzz has found a life outside the internet?

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            With a local doomsday cult, perhaps?

          • more beer

            That is a truly frightening thought.

        • more beer

          He is being held against his will in a Fema camp. Or he is at Alex Jones sleep away camp.

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            Or ran off to join ISIS. Probably as a housewife or a Saturday night thing when those idiots don’t have a goat around.

          • more beer

            I like a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy. But that dude said some off the wall shit. Plus half of the time I didn`t even what the hell he was talking about. That dude handing Chris Hanson was great.

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            Lol, for a short time, Link made fun of it, and it was BRILLIANT (like everything Link does).

          • more beer

            Yea I remember.

      • Óðhinn

        That reminds me. I owe that retard a response. Was too busy yesterday.

    • J.R.

      Wait are we voting on best TovH buns? Because I was not made aware of this and would like to maybe participate.

  • Call the Slambulance

    The Good: I don’t wear underwear, so reading this left me with minimal clean up. And I’ve been drinking a shitload of smoothies lately, which is totally bitchin’.
    The Bad: I feel kind of funky mentally, so hopefully that improves. Guess it’s time to send out some good vibes!
    The Ugly: Super tired of seeing cops all over the place and feeling like someone is going to try to kick the shit out of me. Fuck living in the hood.

    • KJM

      Always make sure your thyroid isn’t out of whack. Bad thyroid can fuck with your mental health.

      • Call the Slambulance

        I’ve definitely seen some folks go down do to a bad thyroid, though I doubt that’s my issue. I’ve been slacking hard on school work and haven’t been doing enough for my spiritual health as of late, so I’m starting to feel pretty shotty.

  • Ricky

    Good: I got drunk & high
    Bad: who cares, I got drunk & high
    Ugly: those ass pix

    • KJM

      “Bad: who cares, I got drunk & high”

      I regret that I have but one upvote for this.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Smokes, let’s go

    • Call the Slambulance

      Quality profile <3

  • JWG

    Good: I’ve discovered two local grindcore bands that I dig, though by ‘discovered’ I mean I’ve actually known about for a few years thanks to talking to dudes at Black Raven Records, but only just started listening to this week as I’ve been on a low-budge Bandcamp spree of late (lots of free downloads, as many NYOP, and a few low-priced demos and EPs)

    One hasn’t released anything in a while (2011) but is, by all appearances based on gig history and data on metal archives, still active. Also based on that search, their drummer is the former vocalist of ISKRA:

    https://compoundterror.bandcamp.com/

    The other released an EP on December 31st, so not that long ago:

    https://sixbrewbantha.bandcamp.com/

    BAD: If there’s a way to embed a Bandcamp player module into Disqus, rather than on a page or blog, I can’t figure it out. One way it’s me being inept, the other way it’s Disqus missing an opportunity.

    UGLY: I can not top those pictures, which are burned into my mental-vision now even though I scrolled past them as quickly as I could. So I won’t even try.

  • George Clarke

    DAMN

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • KJM

    What’s another word for ‘pirate treasure’? ^_^

  • Óðhinn

    How did you do that Jim? It looks similar to many road rash injuries I’ve had cycling.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Longboarding. It was at the bottom of a hill, I hit a patch of gravel and lost control. So yeah, probably fairly similar haha.

      • Óðhinn

        Ouch. Gravel is definitely a boarders enemy. Can be unexpected too, I’d imagine. Hope it heals soon.

        • Big Poppa Penis Pump

          Don’t worry, we’ll probably be getting weekly updates, just in case the image leaves our dreams.

          • Óðhinn

            It’s comforting to know that. 😉

  • J.R.

    Good: I have seriously been enjoying this rainy weather. Love rain!
    Bad: having to look at Guac ass. Seriously bro
    Ugly: My toilet after this wrap I just ate. man oh man.

    • Big Poppa Penis Pump

      If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain. Looking at Guacky’s ass cheeks and the kissing away his pain.

      • J.R.

        THE WORLD CHANGES WHEN IT STARTS TO RAIN / GREEN RADIATES AGAINST THE GREY/ AND WE CAN FIND SOLACE FROM THE TORCH! But seriously though. everything has just been so verdant and..and…dank! Looked better in person but meh

  • The Bad: Dutch Blitz broke up after composing just one song

    • Guacamole Jim

      It was too mainstream to continue.

      • KJM

        Extinct Hairy Elephant went downhill fast after ‘Break The Clouds’, bummer.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Yeah, now they’re just trying to get Grammys, buncha sellouts.

  • Akerskronks ov Steele

    The Good: Just bought the “Damnation Crusade” Comic and so far the dankery has been strong with it.

    The Bad: Spending the rest of the day trying to get my ENTIRE music library in order after iTunes decided it needed to update itself and in doing so dumped everything (kept for some random splinters) that was not bought from iTunes store. Bought a lot of new music since the crash and would like to be able to jam it on my iPod.

    The Ugly: Redownlaoding just one song stalls and lags like a motherfucker and even worse I have to back up every single song to iCloud (the update which caused this snafu) and that lags and stalls and makes me sad inside.

    • Guacamole Jim

      brb am checking out damnation crusade

      • Akerskronks ov Steele

        I thought it was super great. Might be a little confusing if you’re not aquantied with the whole universe of 40k. God knows we talk about it enough on here.

  • Maik Beninton

    Songs You Can Play on One String.
    I thought Emmure made that album.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Emmure made the same album, but downtuned even more.

      • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

        Definately funnier than Breaking Benjamin.

  • Maik Beninton

    Good: cat is not on heat anymore, got my wallet back.
    Bad: nothing much.
    Ugly: your butt.

    • Lacertilian

      Tell us more about this cat + wallet situation

      • Maik Beninton

        It’s been posted here before.

        • Lacertilian

          I’m glad

      • Stanley

        He was going to get his female cat castrated. Lolwut?

  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    Good: Work, Record Store Day is tomorrow, I just had KFC, I found new versions of the Intellivision and Colecovision for 10 dollars at Sam’s Club, My birthday is in 4 days, the new David Hasselhoff video

    Bad: I have to do community service for my job tomorrow, the new Slayer song,

    Ugly: X-Pac is still alive and being a douche, Scott Hall is apparently not sober anymore

    • Big Poppa Penis Pump

      Yeah, the new Slayer song is fucking awful. They ripped off the opening part from Tiamat’s ‘A Deeper Kind Of Slumber’, and the rest is a half-assed attempt at ‘Monotheist’. Between that, Implode, and no Hanneman, stick a fucking fork in ’em. PS, the two new Faith No More songs are awful as well.

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      My local record store didn’t get Swans’s ep. I is sad.

      • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

        Mine got Swans as well as the Manic Street Preachers and the Zombies albums I wanted.

        • Sir Tapir the Based

          There’s really nothing in my local record store that I want. At least I can sleep more.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            I’m probably going to miss getting all the stuff I want due to community service I have to do from 10-2 for my job and I have work from 4-8.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            This year’s rsd is kinda shitty. Nothing really interesting to me, except for the Swans ep.

  • Lacertilian

    The Good: Went and saw a mate have his first fight back in Muay Thai kickboxing last night.
    The Bad: It cost $75 for 3 x 2minute rounds and he lost by one point.
    The Ugly: Hungover

    • Stanley

      You have to pay to get your head kicked in?

      • Lacertilian

        Nah, I worded that poorly. We all had to pay that much to watch. Last time it was $30 and we expected it to be the same, as it was at the same venue. I think he got paid to fight, not much though..

  • Big Poppa Penis Pump

    If you look at the first and second pics closely, it looks like a map of Brazil. Anywho!……….

    The good: Turning in my application at the dollar store tomorrow. Already talked to the manager, and that part seemed to go really good. They’re hiring and he told me to drop it off any time between Thursday and Saturday. It’s right up the street, and it’s part time, so (1). I can get back on my EBT/Medicaid, (2). I’d still have time for school. Oh, and I finally got some dried squid jerky after all these months, which is one of the few foods to rival tendies!

    The bad: Nothing around my way so far. Those around me, not quite so much.

    The Ugly: Fuck the ugly (we have the stinky Tapir for that), here’s 50 Cent’s ex wife, Daphne Joy!

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/04/16/23/27A34A5000000578-3042654-Daphne_Joy_was_seen_enjoying_a_sunny_break_in_Miami_showing_off_-m-122_1429223011211.jpg

    • Maik Beninton

      >Looks at the butt.
      It looks like Africa.

      • Big Poppa Penis Pump

        Or like he got bit by one of those giant African insects. EBOLAAAAAA!

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      She’s very pretty. Did I tell you about the worst Yes song ever? Yes wrote a song on their album Big Generator that is so far removed from even being terrible that it’s horrifying. It makes Heaven and Earth look like the greatest goddamn album ever. Listen at your own risk.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOr0ipW4jvY

      • Big Poppa Penis Pump

        Sadly I’ve heard that one, and agree.

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

          I submitted it as a whiff for the week.

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            I’d submit the new Slayer song, but that’s just low hanging fruit that a billion people have probably already submitted.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            It doesn’t even sound like Slayer in my opinion.

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      How could I fuck the ugly when I don’t even have a dick?

      • Big Poppa Penis Pump
        • Sir Tapir the Based

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            Still no luck on that Swans CD, I see. Have you at least heard it on Youtube?

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Actually, I have managed to find a rather cheap copy (at least when compared to many other copies).

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump
          • Sir Tapir the Based

            That tapir smiled? Seems like he isn’t related to me.

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            It’s Disney. Everything Disney makes is a blatant lie to disguise a horrifying, soul crushing world.

          • KJM

            Funny thing is when I was a kid, there were so many child-traumatizing moments in Disney movies(Bambi, Pinocchio, Dumbo, Old Yeller).

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            Disney is riddled with all sorts of racism in their old cartoons. Keep in mind that Disney was an open supporter of Hitler as well (no joke).

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            They signed ICP? I know they owned a record label but that makes me sick. At least the signings of Duran Duran and Danzig by that label somewhat make up for that, even thought both artists made one album for them.

          • KJM

            Song Of The South anyone?

            Walt was also an informer for the FBI as well.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            I completely forgot about Song Of The South. I have a bootleg DVD of it because you can’t buy it anywhere.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            It’s actually a Dreamworks movie.

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            Same thing! Because reasons and shit!

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            Why is he holding a Journey album? It really doesn’t make sense in the photo though I do love Journey.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Because he’s Cal Chuchesta. He’s a martyr. He was killed by Killtony Murdertano. R.I.P in peace sweet prince.

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

          I love Beaker.

      • J.R.

        How could mirrors be real if your eyes arent real?

    • Stanley

      Dood, you need to go to Thailand. Every night about a million dried squid vendors are hawking the streets. They take a squid, roast it over charcoal for 5 and then put it through a mangle. Then they serve it up with some sweet chili sauce. Good eats.

      • Sir Tapir the Based

        I’m pretty sure that he would go to Thailand for something completely different. You know what I mean.

        • Stanley

          I know very well what you mean. If you can’t “score” in Thailand, then you might struggle elsewhere. You might end up with more than you bargained for (especially below he belt), so you need to be paying close attention to the Adam’s apple.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            My bald friend visited Thailand once. Some random ladies came to him, hugged him and kissed his head.

          • Stanley

            They do that. And then try and get you to play Connect 4. And then one thing leads to another.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            And the next morning your butthole is sore.

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump

            One night in Bangkok makes a hard tranny horny.

        • Big Poppa Penis Pump

          Thai weed? You can keep the hermaphrodite and 6 year old hookers, thanks!

      • Big Poppa Penis Pump

        They have some of those in Chicago, up on Argyle and Broadway (the Korean/Vietnamese/Thai area of town). This bag(s) wasn’t too expensive. $8 for half a pound (it’s dry so it’s very lightweight, so two huge bags worth, and just stabbed my way through the first bag).

        • Stanley

          The stuff in Thailand is thick and chewy. Hence the mangle.

  • Maik Beninton

    It’s been 4 hours and the number of comments is below 200. Come on people.

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      Another bad thing: I like this girl I work with but she has a boyfriend. I won’t name names but she went to my church and she’s very pretty.

      • Maik Beninton

        Don’t do it man.

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

          I probably won’t. I’ve had my heart broken too many times and I don’t want it to happen again. That’s why I don’t do relationships.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Become a misanthrope like me. No one can break your heart when you loathe everyone.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            I like people though. I can’t just go around being mean to everybody.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Liking people, that’s a paddlin’

          • Big Poppa Penis Pump
          • Stanley

            I went to the Folsom Street fair one year to see what it was all about. There was one stall where you could pay a dollar and get on stage with a Dom and get a good paddlin’. That was the tamest thing I saw that day. By a mile.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            Did you get a paddlin’?

          • Stanley

            I kept my buck, thank you.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            What do you mean by a paddling? Is it a sexual thing?

          • Sir Tapir the Based
          • KJM
          • Maik Beninton

            I still don’t get it.

          • KJM

            Not getting it? Oh, that’s a paddlin’.

          • Sir Tapir the Based

            I love the smell of paddlin’ in the morning.

          • Maik Beninton

            Come on guys I’m Brazilian, I can’t understand all of your slangs right of the bat.

          • KJM

            Being Brazilian? You better believe that’s a paddlin’.

            Your homework(should you choose/be able to accept it) is to watch as many classic Simpsons episodes as possible, especially the one where the teachers go on strike.

          • Maik Beninton

            The last episode I watched was the one they are turned into Lego.

  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    The Food: KFC
    The Sad: The Nasty Boys are still wrestling
    The Snugly: It depends.

    • Sir Tapir the Based

      The food: I ate some tasty Nepalese food today. Fucking love it!
      The sad: Cal Chuchesta is still dead
      The snugly: Tapirs are scientifically proven to be the most snugly animals.

      • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

        I have a lot of things I snuggle with such as some of my female friends and my lobster Beanie Baby as well as a stuffed animal of the A&W mascot.

        • Sir Tapir the Based

          I have a couple of dead bodies I keep in my basement. They stink a little, but they sure like to snuggle.

    • J.R.

      The Food: Had some Chipotle with a good pal I havent seen in two weeks. Oh man was it good
      The Sad: My brother is moving out in a few weeks and…I mean im not *sad* but i’ll probably eventually miss cleaning up his filth
      The Snugly: I have this stuffed dog since i was 3 and he is lurking around here somewhere…

      Never had good KFC experiences, but I havent had a lot of KFC experiences.

  • Good: I stomped ass on work this week. Wrote eight papers and kicked ass in my first debate. Only a couple more papers till I get my associates in a few weeks. After that, it’s on to a full university.
    Bad: I had to get a minor surgery to help with my tendinitis yesterday (they just cut open my wrist a little and widened some shit in my arm). As a result, the painkillers made me post a couple comments which I have no memory of posting.
    Ugly: I got a little shit on my hand as a result of it being sore as fuck from the surgery after my morning dump. That wasn’t very pleasant.

    • Big Poppa Penis Pump

      Eh, don’t worry, you didn’t post anything offensive or assinine.

    • Lacertilian

      Is your hearing better now dude?

      • Indeed. The hearing in my right ear is probably at 85% now. I can finally listen to music again and the horrid vertigo is gone.

        • Lacertilian

          Hearing better = Time to destroy cilia

  • Bucket ‘o Blood

    Your underwear is cute.

  • Lacertilian

    Seems everyone has seen different countries/continents in your arse bruise Dip.
    It’s like an ink-blot test, I see Antarctica.

  • I’M ON VACATION!

    Good: Been swimming a fuckton lately and the results are starting to show
    Bad: Speaking of unfortunate injuries: I have an epididymal cyst that’s sitting painfully right on top of my left testicle. I don’t understand why I can’t just have something more normal like a hernia; life’s always been so weird to me.
    Ugly: That new Superman v. Batman trailer. Looks extremely subpar to me.

    • Lacertilian

      By results, do you mean the skin on your fingers is wrinkly?

      • I’M ON VACATION!

        Wrinkly and swole as fuck.

        • Lacertilian

          Swole fingers are bad for dialing

  • BLOODBEARDE

    The good: dks2: sotfs; no work tomorrow; pathfinder on Sunday, new love affair with Botanist

    The bad: putting on too much weight

    The ugly: beautiful tapirs

    • Lacertilian

      There was an update from Lotus Thief the other day saying Otrebor had finished drums for a new recording. I got into his work much more after hearing Revrm.

  • Big Poppa Penis Pump

    Oh, and definite good: The post on misogyny, and how classy (well, as classy as we ever are) it turned out on the responses. Definitely alot better than when Metal Injection tries to address misogyny and homophobia (not the posts themselves, but the idiots who are obviously on their hands and knees nibbling dingleberries off of Axl’s ass hairs while mom yells at them to get up and work instead of yelling for Mountain Dew and Stoufer’s dinners, or pretty much any comments that come out of TMZ’s comments section or countless other comment boards.