Flush It Friday: Statistical Alchemy

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Welcome back to Flush It Friday, our weekly chance to piss and moan about something totally inconsequential in the grand scheme of life while offering a brief glimpse at fleeting happiness and fulfillment. This week I’m here to share my thoughts on the good, the bad, and maybe even a little bit of the ugly. Ch-ch-ch-check it out!

The bad: Mark Twain once claimed that there are “Lies, damned lies, and statistics.” What you’re likely unaware of is that statisticians are actually a secret cult that banded together innumerable eons ago to confound the works of man. If not for statisticians, we would all be flying around Mars with our eco-friendly jet packs and completely avoiding any chance of traffic fatalities. It would sort of be like pre-alcohol Ireland. But no, every new innovation needs “statistically significant proof” this and “demonstrable results” that.

What’s worse is that statisticians, like a band of nerdy warlocks, are content to keep their arcane knowledge securely locked up next to their DnD boards and virginity, out of the hands of those who might actually utilize it for the benefit of mankind. “Oh, you don’t know how to fit this data to an auto-regressive integrated moving-average time series? You should have been a statistician. Then you’d know it.” Thanks, Melkor. I’ll just rewrite history so that I learn it. I promise the p-value will be less than 0.05.

The good: I got a new sweater last week, and it looks amazing on me. Soon, my wardrobe will consist entirely of a glorious, fuzzy collection of sweaters. I can hear your envy from here. It sounds like your teeth chattering because your non-sweater-garbed body is cold.

Picture32

The ugly: I was forced to eat Little Caesar’s this week. The results were not pretty.

That’s it from me. Now it’s your turn. What do flush? What do you hail? Do you actually like cardboard with ketchup smeared on it. Open swim, y’all!

  • Tyree

    I flush people that chew gum with their mouths open. Please fall into a pit of crocodiles!

    http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llef4mGWRg1qcnhhzo1_500.gif

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Or with food too

      • Tyree

        Just in general. This guys at work constantly chews his gum with his mouth open. He should staple his dick, maybe that will fix the problem.

    • Maik Beninton

      I used to chew gum. Most of the time I’d forget that you can’t swallow gum.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      I flush people with their mouths open and talking almost 90% of the time.

      • Tyree

        The worst!

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          Totally..and I don’t mean that from an arrogant standpoint cuz I’m not. Its just all the blah blah blah, me me me, what do you do for a living?….yak yak yak, my kids,, my vacation, my car….blah blah blah. ( Sorry, rant over)

    • Lacertilian

      I have tried to raise awareness on twitter with my International Eat With
      Your Fucking Mouth Closed Day
      .
      It’s like one of those lesser-known ‘international …… day’s but with a twist (an actual purpose).

      • Would donate to the cause/10

        • Lacertilian

          Will accept any form of donation (physical abuse or verbal vitriol).

        • Tyree

          Holy shit, I’d donate the shit out of this too.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    My throat hurts like the devil, but otherwise I am operating at 100%. My body doesn’t understand being sick apparently.
    Also I am wearing a sweater right now, and it is nice.

    My favorite joke:
    What to Mexicans cut their pizza with? Little Caesars.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    FLUSH: everything about this fucking ridiculous underinflated football “scandal.” Jesus Christ who fucking cares.

    http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/nfl-makes-statement-about-deflate-gate-investigation-192128202.html

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      I only care because I like to see bad things happen to Tom Brady

    • Deflated footballs are important. Nevermind players consistently getting concussions, getting away with domestic violence, and murder. We need to cover this.

      • Jerry Jones probably killed like six hookers during that game alone.

        • Chris Christie ate the bodies.

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            So that’s why he was there!

    • Seriously, they blew them out so badly. This scandal is just them trying to lessen the blow.

    • Tyree

      Flush Football.

      • KJM

        Flush sports about 95% of the time.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Not Sludge

      I’d like to make 1000 Disqus accounts for the sole purpose of up voting this.

    • DDubya.

      While we’re on this, I freaking hate that people just add “gate” to the end of a word to imply some huge controversy. Watergate was a place, you nimrods.

      • Watergategate

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt/Not Sludge

        Ballghazi.

      • Controversygate

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        I am really hoping for a huge controversy regarding a fence, and we start calling it fencegate

        • Gurptitude

          Or one involving a door

          • Guacamole Jim

            Or a grate.

          • JWG

            Could we call everyone who refuses to go along an “ingrate”?

          • Guacamole Jim

            #ingrategate

          • voidgate, when we all abused the word.

      • JWG

        If ever there is a controversy over Bill Gates building a home and making the gated fence much taller than neighbourhood association regulations, it would be a missed opportunity not to call it #GatesGatesGate

      • CyberneticOrganism

        #anti”gate”gate

    • about sports, not gonna read it

  • Tyree
  • Guacamole Jim

    I dunno, chums. It’s been a pretty good week. I’ve got nothing to flush, really.

    The good news: I’m now six lbs lighter!! Soon I will be pretty.
    http://www.regtaylors.co.uk/library/images/products/013786.jpg

    • KJM

      Excellent! I’ve lost 5 lbs since last Spring, gotta lose 10 more over the Winter and early Spring.

  • I have choir, free show, go to bed, wake up, choir, then Pathfinder skype orientation, then bed, then choir, then band practice. how is everyone else’s weekend looking? 😀

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Less musical.

      • I don’t know how this happened to me, i mean one year i had nothing to do with my free time then 2 years later I literally spend my entire weekend doing music. And free time? Adorable, I spend it writing music

    • Competing in the Startup Games (The CHIVE is one of my opponents) followed by playing a show.

      • What’s the startup?

        • YourLogicIsFlushed

          Toilet ov Hell of course, the profits are unreal.

          • You should have seen the check I got for that MANOWAR album this morning, 8 digits!

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Are you sure you just weren’t counting the number of fingers in my fist, because I gave it TWO THUMBS UP!. #DadJokes

    • DDubya.

      We get to meet our new Uzbek pals tonight.

      • I want to know how that goes? I think that is wonderful

        • Guacamole Jim

          Seconded.

        • DDubya.

          I’ll let you know!

    • Guacamole Jim

      I’m at the gym tonight, then off to the observatory to see Jupiter’s moons do some crazy shit, then up early tomorrow for Riff Ov The Week, then off to the police station (the low point of the weekend), then probably a video game/music writing evening, then up early Sunday for church, then band practice, then church, then sleep.

    • I’ll probably do some studying. Then some wallowing. Then more of both.

    • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

      A couple of my mates are turning years so there’s gonna be music, booze and hopefully hooke… women.

    • Call the Slambulance

      Work, pizza, God of War, girlfriend, more work, siqq riffz, and dinner with the lifegivers. Throw in some random homework and meditations and you’ve got my weekend in a nutshell.

  • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

    This old folk song may be the most beautiful song ever written. This may be the most appropriately depressing version of it. English lyrics included in the vid so you can see for yourself how fucked Finland is un the head. I mean it’s a folk song and all.

    Perfectly sums the day (and week) up too.

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pzETI6HlqGk

    • The Bestest Tapir

      Eh, I never really “got” Viikate. Dis is ok tho.

      • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

        Some hits are really worn out, but I like the early and more depressive and ‘folk/doomy’ stuff a lot. The newer also, but not as much. A buddy and me used to go ranging in the forest, drunk as ducks, and just listen to Viikate. I love this song no matter who does it tho.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          Drunk as ducks?

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I hate saying drunk as fuck. And duck rhymes with fuck

          • The Bestest Tapir

            ..

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Pretty much

  • I won’t complain today. It’s friday, I’m in love and tomorrow I will spend my weekend in the #LinkLittleCribInTheLostWoods with my fiancée and parents <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGgMZpGYiy8

  • The bad: dad’s got cancer, Asking Alexandria are continuing

    The good: said cancer is 100% curable, im playing skyrim tonight and nothing will stop me

    The ugly: Rosie O’Donnell, Phil lebonte still exists.

    Archspire

  • Howard Dean

    Winter has been taking its toll on me. I really enjoy the warmer seasons, and generally feel that winter can fuck right off.

    However, there’s nothing I can do about it (aside from move to a place that doesn’t have winter), so I say fuck it. I might as well find some nuggets of goodness in the shit salad.

    This meme perfectly illustrates my plight over the last few weeks:

    http://i.imgur.com/wgZFR.jpg

    • Tyree
      • I picked up Transylvanian Hunger on vinyl the other day. I may go back next time I can to pick this one up

        • Howard Dean

          Do you have Under a Funeral Moon on vinyl yet? If not, pick that one up, too!

          • My local asshat record store was selling the “Unholy Trinity” for like $45 each last time I was there. Fuck off with all that.

          • $25 each for me. Mercyful Fate Don’t Break the Oath was $35 when it appeared, now it’s at $27. I’m probably grabbing it next

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Better sooner than later, shit on there goes pretty quickly.

          • sweetooth0

            check amazon, you get free shipping over $25bucks and Darkthrone is popular enough they definately stock it. THat’s where I got my Transilvanian Hunger LP from.

          • Tyree

            Under a Funeral Moon, BYAH!!!

          • Howard Dean

            My favorite Darkthrone album.

          • Tyree

            That’s my second favorite. A Blaze… is by far my favorite though. I have to add Under a Funeral Moon to my vinyl collection still.

          • sweetooth0

            Transilvanian Hunger, but the first three as a whole are untouchable.

          • sweetooth0

            and by first three I am talking Blaze, Funeral, and Transilvanian. Soulside Journey is almost a different band.

          • Lunchbox records doesn’t have it yet. I picked up Burzum’s Hvis, Transylvanian Hunger, and Fates Warning’s Awake the Guardian (which I am going to wear out)

      • Eternal wintaaaaarhrhrhgrhgrhgrhghfhjjg

      • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

        I actually don’t like pre-Transu Darkthrone much. And Panzerfaust is the only album I really, really like. As a whole album.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          Transu *childish laughter*

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            *winks* You know I have ‘preferences’

        • Tyree

          I like it all really, some later stuff not so much, but Darkthrone just fucking rule.

    • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

      You don’t like winter? I don’t think we can be friends anymore.

      • KJM

        Winter is shit on a stick.

      • Howard Dean

        Nah, I’m generally not a fan.

        I can make a list of all the shitty things: shitty driving conditions that increase the probability of death by magnitudes of 10, snow removal, fewer opportunities for outdoor recreation (I don’t ski or snowmobile or any of that shit), fewer hours of daylight, and the mother of them all: paying the huge energy bills necessary to keeping the house from freezing.

        • DDubya.

          Actually, I’d like to address something. Snow and ice don’t really increase fatal crash counts all that much except on the first big snow of the season. Lower severity crashes, like injury or property damage only crashes, do increase, however.

          • Don’t believe him. #Trafficgate

          • #FenderBendghazi

          • Howard Dean

            Do you think that is because people tend to drive slower in inclement weather, thereby lessening the severity of most crashes?

          • DDubya.

            That’s exactly the reason.

            Edit: Well that, and lower traffic volumes from people staying in.

          • Howard Dean

            Byah! I’m putting that in my campaign!

          • Tyree
          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I was just talking this flick up on here last week.

          • Tyree

            Such a bizarre flick.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Agreed, pretty decent too.

          • Tyree

            Yeah, I enjoyed it. Just fucking odd and I have no idea what was happening the whole movie.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Tyree I finally saw Birdman today. Bomb.

          • Gurptitude

            I remember shit hitting the fan when it snowed in Atlanta a year or two ago.

          • DDubya.

            Certain places that aren’t accustomed to rough weather conditions can be dangerous, for sure. I was more addressing the general trend of cities where snow and ice are seasonal and expected.

        • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

          Yes. But what about tge shitty things you were going to list?

        • Gurptitude

          I hate hearing my bros in Florida be like ‘Oh, it was 75 today!’
          STFU
          I HATE YOU

          • yeah but they live in Florida. I’ll take the shitty weather not to live there.

      • Elite Extremöphile

        Not everyone has to live in eternal winter.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          I wish we had eternal winter here!

        • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

          Unfortunately.

    • Dude I am so with you. I would rather deal with 100 degree weather every day of the week then deal with a week of sub 30 degree weather

      • Howard Dean

        We’re talking consecutive months of sub 30 temperatures, Randall. The struggle is real.

        • Dude I’m just in NC, where it rarely gets under 32, and I HATE IT. I want it to be 95 degrees and melt everything, now

          • Howard Dean

            I’m not in the frozen wastelands of central Canada or the interior of Alaska, but it gets pretty damn cold in northern New England, and stays pretty damn cold for many months.

            Summers are amazing, though.

          • KJM

            Ain’t too warm in Central NE either.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Canada gets pretty damn bad. You do get used to it, though. And this winter has been surprisingly mild, which is nice.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Unfortnately the winter has been quite warm here this winter. It was -26 celsius yesterday, which was nice.

          • you’re very enduring tapir!

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I haven’t gotten more than -20 this winter. A really abd winter it has been.

          • Howard Dean

            Damn, that’s really not too bad, from what I know of Finland’s climate. That’s warm.

            We’ve had a few days below -20 Fahrenheit. One day two weeks ago was -30 F. Not cozy.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            It is warm. Too bad summers are cold and winters warm now. I want back to the 50’s when climate was as it is supposed to be.

          • Guacamole Jim

            That was what we were averaging around before Christmas, but this January has been nuts. We’ve been hovering around +3 celcius for over a week now.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Coming week will be way too warm (around -3). Fucking not waiting for spring. Fuck pollen!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Allergies? Or just a hatred of tree sperm?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Aggressive pollen allergy. Fuck that shit! I can’t exit my house before I manage to get a prescription for good medicine.

          • Guacamole Jim

            That’s vicious dude. I can’t imagine how horrible spring must be. There are times when the whole fucking ground is covered in that shit.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Spring is horror, spring is pain.

          • Lacertilian

            I thought Death was drug-free eh eh

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I wouldn’t use them if I didn’t need them nor do I use them for intoxication.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I’ve never considered myself to be a “straight edger”(or whatever they call themselves). But I couldn’t live in spring if didn’t have those meds.

          • Lacertilian

            I didn’t find out I needed psilocin until I tried it.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I only use them when the pollen is strongest. Before and after that I use no meds. My allergies are so severe that I absolutely need them if I want to live a normal life in spring. It’s not something that I just decided to start doing, I’ve had allergy meds for my whole life. It was worse when I was a child.

          • Lacertilian

            That sucks dude, my pollen allergy is basically just sinus & sneezing for which anti-histamines work well.
            Mostly conifers in your part of the world right?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Birch pollen is my biggest problem. That shit is my kryptonite.

          • Lacertilian

            Ahh, I just planted a bunch of Betula pendula for work to replace some dead ones.
            No surprise the original ones died, idiots choosing to plant cold climate trees in the middle of the Australian summer.

            You do recognise the Larch from a distance though, right?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I have been trained in that art.

          • Lacertilian

            It would be especially useful in your parts, I presume.

          • JWG

            Parts of Canada get pretty bad. We here in Victoria, however, had one day of ‘snow’ last year. For a few hours in the middle of the night. In early November.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Damn.. if I could move to Victoria I would. We got the shit side of the mountains, fo sho.

          • JWG

            Weather aside, I have often said that I would move that way without hesitation if the opportunity came up: since I got into the field there have always been lots of Health IM/IT jobs available in Alberta Health (the ministry) or Alberta Health Services (the authority); whereas BC Public Service hiring has been entirely frozen for over 5 years [except hidden contracts handed out by the Premier’s Office].

            The impact of the Oil Crash has a lot of people taking Hiring Freeze in Alberta, too. If it’s made official, I may have to look even further East.

            And I’m definitely keen to avoid Winnipeg or Toronto winters.

          • Gurptitude

            I love Northern summers. Not as harsh as down south usually, so you don’t have to worry as much about your car turning into an oven or getting sweaty as shit if you’re outside for more than 5 minutes.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Um brother, it gets under 32 here all winter

          • are you in charlotte or the mountains? The mountains are nuts

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Yep, on up the mountain, we stay in single digits a majority of the winter

          • Different environment entirely and I am grateful for it. I can only deal with extreme cold weather when it’s played by Messiah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-Gg2zf0QoQ

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            polar bearz r 1 cuteeee

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            That album cover+title=Lolbuttz

          • The album itself is anything but lolbuttz

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Leif! My brother in fur!

          • ALSO, come see Alestorm this coming Wednesday, my band is opening!

          • Elite Extremöphile

            #ashevillemasterrace

    • Mother Shabubu III

      Come move to Connecticunt. We have had like a whopping two snow storms this winter. TWO. That’s it.

      • DDubya.

        We had one here in West Texas yesterday.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          Yeah I spoke to soon, we had winter storm “Blake” today.

      • Howard Dean

        I’ve always been amazed at how different the climate is in Connecticut, Rhode Island, and parts of Massachusetts. For being only a few hours south, it’s sometimes like an entirely different world.

        We actually haven’t had too many larger or substantial storms this winter (fingers crossed that trend continues), but it’s been cold enough that we haven’t really lost any of it. We’ve had complete snow cover all winter.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          New England is a wild place for weather. One minute it’s a nice 51 degree winter day, the next, like today, is farting snow and cold rain. It could be a cool summer day then turn into a fuckstorm by night. We’ve been getting more tornadic activity of the last few years, which I don’t like since I have a fear of tornadoes.

    • Call the Slambulance

      It’s supposed to be in the 80s here in Phoenix on Monday. Suck it.

  • I flush taking multiple choice tests in the dead of winter. I can’t fill in the fucking circles with useless frozen hands.

    On a positive note, I really like you guys.

    • I’m so glad most of those are online now

  • JWG

    Normally I would join in the mockery of Statisticians, but Nate SIlver is kind of one of my personal heroes for his wizardry. Also annoying politicians and TV talking heads with FACTS.

  • Good: I feel mostly healthy
    Bad: Covered in death rash.

  • The Battle Born NDN

    The bad: when I was extremely intoxicated I stubbed my big toe and thought I broke it.

    The good: I didn’t break it.

    The ugly: it’s swollen, bloody, and has a good amount of pus seeping out. Also the nail is slowly coming off.

    Think about that image for a while.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Pics or it didn’t happen.

      • The Battle Born NDN

        Just cleaned it. Sorry for the shitty photo.

        • Guacamole Jim
          • JWG

            For some reason that film was on like 5 different TV networks at different times of day this week.

            I didn’t feel like doing much else, so I watched it through three of those times…

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

          Damnit, I just ate!

    • JWG

      No thankyou.

      I smashed my right little toe into a door 20 years ago, mangled the nail completely. It was suggested I cut it down past the split in the middle so it wouldn’t grow back funny. So I did. And it grew back funny anyway…

      …one half looks like a normal nail, then there’s a similar (but always larger) split down the middle, and the other half resembles a hawk talon instead.

      • DDubya.

        nsfW.!!!

        • JWG

          I apologise for using the H word, by the way.

          I will edit it for sensitivity…

          • DDubya.

            Thank you!

      • The Battle Born NDN

        Damn that sounds horrible.

      • GAHHH. I tripped while running to my car in the rain outside a mexican restaurant. Tore my big toenail off, skinned my hands and knees, and fell in a giant dirty puddle on the way to the car. My girlfriend at the time was freaking the fuck out and had to drive me back to my parents’ house so I could get it cleaned up. Shit was a nightmare.

        • The Battle Born NDN

          Completely off? That sounds a lot more painful. It’s the throb of the nail slowly detaching that’s getting me now.

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    The good: bout to be off work, then to gym. My Thou and The Body vinyl finally shipped. My old lady is getting a tattoo with my name.
    The bad: tomorrow I have to go to a funeral service for my grandfather who passed away this week.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    firing football players for non sports issues—“pc” attack on all humanity

    to instilly u.n. totalitarianism/agenda 21 control—
    re–instillment of slavery—in the technological age—exactly like it was before the civil war–

    but with agenda 21 —as the “owner”—->fuck those motherfuckers!!

    total control of citizens—- govt “morality police”–as psychological systems are used as “justification” for world totalitarianism–
    as the nfl accepted money from govt commies/espn—to sell out football–as a means to “sell” agenda 21 to sports fans

    http://youtu.be/gl1n79s3vRw

    http://youtu.be/pDukq8npXBk

    • Guacamole Jim

      So what’s “the good”?

      • KJM

        ZZzzz is objectively pro hooker-killing.

  • Elite Extremöphile

    The good: A girl actually talked to me today BECAUSE I was wearing a cattle decapitation shirt. The flush: Jazz band is really fucking hard and I need to get better at sight reading. The good/flush: I will either fail out or become a way better bassist, also dillinger escape plan now makes actual sense.

  • Maik Beninton

    I got nothing to flush other than an ‘article’ that I saw on MS.
    That made me forget why I went there in the first place.

    • i have visited that place once or twice this week. tis a wasteland. but i gotta get my Bronan fix in somehow!

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        is his vagina still acting up?

      • Lacertilian

        One of his replies to someone the other day cracked me up.
        The tangents he went on were amazing.

  • Good: my dad’s surgery went awesome, they did a bunch of biopsies and tests and it looks like he’s cancer-free now!

    Bad: my grandma’s birthday was this week, and her health is in a huge decline from the cancer she’s been battling for the last year, so I doubt she’s going to make it to her next one.

    Good: The weekend is here!

    Bad: I have to spend it all working on a freelance project.

    • aw, no good about the Grandma 🙁
      glad to hear about Pops tho!

    • the good: i’m going to bug you all weekend

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

        Why aren’t you going to bug me Jimmy?

    • DDubya.

      Glad to hear your dad is doing okay.

  • I’ve had an overall pretty good week this week. My friend and I finished up our last shitty album and managed to blow out the microphone. I finished my history of rock and roll class in about a week and luckily didn’t have much work to do in other classes. My progress in Dark Souls has been going well. I’m about halfway through and have only died about twenty five times.

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      You playing Dark Souls 1 or 2? What platform? You can always call on me if you need help in PS3 version.

      • BB: “let me just jump in here and help you”
        *kills Xan
        BB: “HAVE YOU LEARNED ANYTHING?”

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          *Sends msg saying “GET GUD, SCRUG”

          • (forgive me if i already told you this)
            in demon’s souls, i was a n00b on stonefang tunnel for the first time. some dude dropped into my game, slashed me with a sword that did permanent damage to ALL MY ARMOR. from that point on, i played only with the network cable unplugged!

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            There are certain areas of all three games which are best played offline. Some content is, in fact, only available offline. Titewerk.

      • The Bestest Tapir

        How does it feel like being a dirty peasant?

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          No worse than being the ugliest mammal alive!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I’m a Tapir, not a human.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            (hint: both are mammals)

      • I’m playing Dark Souls 1 on the PC.

        • BLXKKBEXRD

          Awww. Hacker.

          • #PCMasterRace

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Srsly tho, the PC dark souls community is nearly ruint by hackers.

          • Yeah. I disconnect from the internet when I play because I got tired of getting assailed by assholes who can’t be killed. On a positive note, I modified the game to run at 1080p and 60FPS. Also downloaded high resolution textures so it looks fancy.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            There are a bunch of cool mods I’ve seen, like some new skin mods and such. The only real upside to playing Dark Souls on PC (in my opinion) is the ability to live stream/chat. Makes highlight reels and fightclubbing easier.

          • I just reached Sen’s Fortress and rage quit after I was devoured by the killer chest. I know the game is supposed to be hard but I really wish there were a few more bonfires. It gets really annoying having to go through the same area, killing the same enemies over and over again just to be insta-killed by some cheap death.

    • The Battle Born NDN

      I’ve been playing Dark Souls 2 and it’s been pissing me off. It turns out I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time. Now I’m good
      Haha

  • Tyree

  • the bad: been four months, haven’t received a single response with online dating.
    the good: a friend is introducing me to a friend on Saturday night (IRL >>>> online)
    the ugly: me, with my beer belly and not long hair.

    • DDubya.

      You are beautiful no matter what they say.

    • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

      I have seen pics. I would do you. Come to Funland and I’ll make this happen.

    • BLXKKBEXRD

      Beer belly >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> If you think yours is bad. Pah!

      Hopefully your date goes well. Internet dating isn’t always the greatest.

    • Gurptitude
    • Tyree

      Who would not want to date McNulty!?!

      http://blog.nj.com/alltv/2008/01/large_wireep2-mcnulty.jpg

      • heck, i’ll come to you!

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

          Damnit Jimmy, are you drunk?

    • JWG

      I got a response a few months ago to a dating site ad I made when I was 19 then completely forgot about.

      I talked myself out of responding mostly because I’m sure whoever they were would be far far less impressed with 35-year-old-Me than the one represented on the page.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      sorry man…have u tried removing “satanic black metal” from your “likes” profile? plus if i wasn’t married id do you…

      • i’ll try that… and I GUESS i’ll replace the pics of McNulty with ones of me

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          yes and especially the ones with your kittie!!

          pet lovers <3

    • Tyree

      I’d like to set up my own dating profile just for the lolbuttz factor.

      • “Tyree: drums real good. Stays beer. Has stapled nuts to thigh.”

        • Tyree

          That should do juuuuust fine, except for the really good drumming part. My profile picture:

          • huh… you DO like beer!

          • Tyree

            I hope I made my disgusting self clear enough about that.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            This picture would only be improved by the appearance of an erection.

          • Tyree

            I told all yins it would get weird tonight.

          • Twas a compliment dear flusher

        • Parental Advisory: from now on, this sub-thread is gonna be weird. Toilet recommend to you to keep your kids away. We don’t take any responsability if your son/daughter is harm.

          Thank you.

          :3
          -disturbling yours,
          The Toilet ov Hell

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

      I have received no responses either. Instead of spending my Friday on a date I’m spending it watching a Yes DVD and eating Pringles.

  • Maik Beninton
  • Call the Slambulance

    I never got scholastically further than geometry because I got my GED after sophomore year and immediately started college, so now I am mathematically comatose. I am taking my first math class in years and my professor is a jackass and tells, not teaches.

    On the plus side, I started wearing patchouli so I smell fucking fantastic. 😉

    • bruh… I know you’re really into the Grateful Dead but…. bruh.

      • Call the Slambulance

        Haha hey, man, I dig it. You like short Polo shorts, I like corduroy. Different strokes and all that jazz 🙂

      • Call the Slambulance

        I want everyone in a thirty foot radius to know that I listen to the DEAD, DAMNIT.

        • That’ll do it!

          • Call the Slambulance

            Now I just need dreadlocks, a trust fund, and a need to rebel against my parents and I’ll complete my transformation into “that fuckin’ guy”.

          • I went to college with a few of those fuckin’ guys. They always shared their drugs but none of them graduated. Wonder why.

          • KJM

            It’s easy to not give a shit about college when someone else is paying for it.

          • Call the Slambulance

            Trust fund hippies are pretty annoying. They kind of just bum me out.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

          My dad is seeing them in Chicago in July because my uncle got him tickets.

    • BLXKKBEXRD
      • Call the Slambulance

        Hahaha no, but my brother actually lived in Asheville for a while.

  • Gurptitude

    Flush: Fuck winter, fuck the semester
    No flush: Things… are going okay I guess?

  • KJM

    Are ya laughing, biootch?

  • The Bestest Tapir
    • BLXKKBEXRD

      Not sold, Mr. Fake Tapir.

      • The Bestest Tapir

        • BLXKKBEXRD
          • Lacertilian

            I’ve been listening to Toundra for years and have never heard this song, I thought they only had 3 releases?!?
            Pirate magic?

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            I guess. IV will drop soon, if it hasn’t already.

          • Lacertilian

            Good to know someone else in the TovH is there.
            This is a favourite of mine: Riffs near the end are tops.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1JIRywdd-8

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Very nice

          • dis rockets. i really like Lantlos and now this. what else ya got for me, BLSDLFKHRD?

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Ummm ummmm Performance Anxiety?

          • Got that in scores already.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Dis probably too poppy for the TXXLXT XX HXLL
            http://youtu.be/iZ-GBSYif9g

    • try again, sir

      • The Bestest Tapir

        Tapir digs this, you can’t stop me m8

        • @blackbeard_s_ghost:disqus is posting better stuff.
          shots fired.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I swear you two are the bane of my existence.

          • Lacertilian

            If you were born in winter in your part of Finland, were you born in the dark?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Unfortunately I was born in autumn.

          • Lacertilian

            That’s not unfortunate, autumns alllllright.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I only like winter.

          • Lacertilian

            Fair enough, I only dislike summer.
            The rest is good enough.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Autumn wouldn’t be that bad if it wouldn’t be so wet all the time. My dogs will get fucking dirty outside and I’ll have to clean ’em.

          • Lacertilian

            You just blast water out of your prehensile snout though right?
            #TrunkWash

          • Tis a genuine honour

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll cry myself to sleep.

          • Uh oh… I thought “bane of existence” meant its all that matters to you!

          • BLXKKBEXRD
          • The Bestest Tapir

            -10000000000000 for anime.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

            What about me? I’m more of a bane than the rest of them!

  • JWG
  • Lacertilian

    The Good: I’m enjoying Mammoth Grinder through my headset while I allow the missus to sleep in till 11am next to me, instead of waking her and starting the day badly.
    The Bad: I am lazy & hungry.
    The Ugly: It’s Australia Day long weekend, I will undoubtedly get messy drunk and get no catch up work around the yard done.

    • DDubya.

      Australia Day? Do y’all celebrate another year of not getting killed by your stinging trees, crocodiles, drop bears, bird-eating spiders, and rabid kangaroos?

      • The Bestest Tapir

        Don’t forget those platypuses. They’re evil I tell you. I’m sure that they’re planning a new world order.

      • Lacertilian

        People celebrate the day in 1788 that the British invaded this land and effectively stole it by force from the Indigenous/Aboriginal people.
        I hate the concept but pretend to enjoy it with friends who get drunk and walk around saying ‘How good is ‘Straya’ eh mate?’ all day.
        /rant

        • DDubya.

          So it’s not unlike Columbus Day here.

          • Lacertilian

            Yeah but without the small pox.
            Ignorant types get around saying Australia was ‘discovered’ by Captain Cook in 1788.
            Forgetting that the indigenous had been here for between 40’000 to 110’000 years prior.

          • DDubya.

            There should an aboriginal black metal band singing about their roots and the Rainbow Serpent. I’d totally listen to that. srs

          • Lacertilian

            Dvdgerid00tal?

          • DDubya.

            I actually bought a didge from an Australian group called Inlakesh. Never mastered circular breathing, though.

          • Lacertilian

            my mates Dad produced this CD in the 90’s with one of the late-great contemporary didge players Alan Dargin. The album is called Bloodwood and multiple copies can be found in his Dad’s garage.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRNktkokjgI

        • STRAYA CUNTS!
          /pounds 12 cans of Fosters
          //hits on 16 year old hostess at Outback Steakhouse
          ///vomits on a koala
          ////is eaten by a large snake

          • Lacertilian

            That Outback steakhouse joint has some bizarre fucking ideas of what we eat, definitely more American than Australian, not really a bad thing though.
            Also, our snakes are too evil to kill you to eat, they just kill you for the fuck of it as they’re mostly too small to eat anyone.

          • HA! I’ve never been to one. Do they have them in Australia? I imagine that’d be like having an UNCLE SAM’S HAMBURGER AND BASEBALL AND APPLE PIE EMPORIUM here or something.

          • DDubya.

            I’m not impressed with Outback. Plus Foster’s is terribad.

          • Fosters IS terribad but it has the benefit of coming in like 38 ounce cans.

          • Lacertilian

            Only tried Fosters once at an engagement party I went to and saw a guy drinking it out of bottles.
            I immediately had to know more.
            Where did he find this mythical brew? (never seen it in shops)
            Was it good? (of course not)
            Was he a human or just my imagination? (no idea)

          • Lacertilian

            What’s that in cubic liquid furlongs per acre?

          • HA! It’s enough to cringe your way through an opening band.

          • Lacertilian

            So a mini-keg, 5L or so.

          • BTW: Do you have Facebook? Are you in the TovH group?

          • Lacertilian

            I deactivated FB a few years ago.
            @James_Jimmy_McNulty:disqus was saying I should rejoin for the TovH.
            Is there exclusive backstage content?

          • 24/7 nonsense!

          • Lacertilian

            I tried to get my missus to be my ‘toilet oracle’ as someone else put it. She was less than impressed.

          • I dunno how some of these guys can explain the toilet to their SOs. Lord knows that’s a tough conversation. But yeah! Consider making a burner fb account for the group.

          • Lacertilian

            I regularly show her whatever it is that is making me laugh hysterically from this site, only sometimes does it interest her though.
            Methinks she loves life a little too much.

          • I’m not sure if he joined, but I’ve been ranting about the FB page to my friend Justin, who got me into death metal about 20 years ago.

          • We got a tightly knit Google Plus community of three people!

          • My car gets 40 rods to the hogs head and that’s the way I likes it!

          • Max

            You do realize that Australians don’t actually drink it? It’s very difficult to even find in Australian bottle shops (sorry – “liquor stores”).

            Drinking Fosters and eating Vegemite are two things that Americans always seem to think they have to do to please Australians as a when-in-Rome move, when in fact we don’t expect foreigners to do either. It’s all just a diversion-creating conspiracy.

          • Lacertilian

            I would urge a foreigner to eat vegemite pretending it is some archaic sacred ritual, but only because I’m a cunt.
            A german girl I met at a gig here showed me a great thing her parents do, they use vegemite on toast covered with scrambled eggs. No need for butter & salt anymore.

          • Max

            My German teacher at school told us the first time she had Vegemite she spread it on the bread as thick as jam! That’ll turn you off for three lifetimes.

            (For any Americans reading this and wondering what the hell “Vegemite” is – it’s a sandwich filling which an American exchange-student friend of mine once described as “tasting like a melted tyre”. Which is pretty accurate if you’re not born into it.)

          • Lacertilian

            >3mm or go pick up your skirt from the dry cleaners.

          • Zing Once A Day…
          • Lacertilian

            That’s right, 3mm minimum depth across entire medium for the entire population.
            Bear in mind, this includes: frail grandparents, a baby’s first solid food after breastfeeding, people with no mouth and those with poor depth perception.

          • Zing Once A Day…
          • Lacertilian

            Down with the union jack stain.

          • Zing Once A Day…

            Apparently Vegemite Wrestling is a thing… #’Stralia

            http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2011/0106/rpm_g_veggiewrstling_sy_300.jpg

          • Max

            I seriously did not know about this…I should have to sit the citizenship test.

          • Zing Once A Day…

            I didn’t know as well. I guess it’s off to Christmas Island for us…

          • I keep thinking of this when I hear ‘Vegemite’:

            http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4d/Dolemite.jpg

          • Max

            DOLOMITE IS THE MAN.

          • Zing Once A Day…

            I shit you not, just bought in the junk mail and there’s a Pizza Hut leaflet advertising their Vegemite and Cheese Stuffed Crust for Australia Day.

          • Lacertilian

            This is why we display the menacing NO JUNK MAIL sticker proudly on our letterbox.

          • Weren’t the dingos and killer ‘roos keeping the mailman away already?

          • Lacertilian

            Shame the same dingo’s & roos can’t keep the door-knocking religious types away too.

          • I’m aware! Tbh, I just can’t think of any aus beers. Fosters is consumed here mostly because it is cheap and comes in a comically large can. And even then, there are generally so many better options.

          • Max

            America, I’m told, has an excellent cottage brewing industry. If I ever visited I’d probably come home a raging alcoholic. But it’d be worth it.

          • I’ve read the horror stories about Vegemite. Is it really that bad?

          • Max

            I’ve eaten it my whole life, nearly every day. It’s a very tasty spread, and also goes well on cracker-type biscuits that don’t have a lot of flavour otherwise. But it’s a very acquired taste for people who aren’t born into it; so foreigners can get a pretty nasty shock. The best advice to give, if you ever are inclined to try it, is to spread it very lightly onto the bread – not like jam or something; that’ll be too potent. Even then you might not take to it, although some do. None of this is to imply that the horror stories you’ve heard are exaggerated.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

            I like their giant onion string thing but the steak is much worse than Texas Roadhouse.

          • Haven’t ate at Outback, thankfully. Corny and bogus concept, and it sounds more like a second rate steakhouse out in TX or Nashville than something from Australia.

          • Yep! I drank it years and years back, and had a migraine shortly after. It’s Australia’s version of Hurricane or King Cobra.

          • Lacertilian

            Yes, we have almost everything that rises to star/shitdom in the US.
            Bogans didn’t take it as an insult and commenced eating there on the odd weeks they don’t go to Chilis, Hooters or one of the other chain restaurants flocking here for the AUD$.

          • Shit yes. Australian BDubs bros.

          • Lacertilian

            I actually want to try this B’Dubs you guys speak of, if only to get ideas to start my G’Dubs Mexican Bar & Grill concept. (with the approval of @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus of course).

          • DDubya.

            Granted

          • Lacertilian

            attempts to take out huge loan
            commissions James Bond/Austin Powers style map board to be built thus beginning the eventual world domination

          • Scrimm

            We have a place called Uncle Sams out here that is fuckin awesome.

          • Lacertilian

            I hope they serve Russian food with cheesy USA-centric names for everything..

          • Scrimm

            Nah, mostly pizza and cheesesteak.

          • I sure fvcking hope you folks have a Bloomin Onion with every meal!!

          • Lacertilian

            I had never seen/heard/imagined such a thing until I went to Outback out of curiosity.
            If it ain’t ours and it ain’t yours, where the fuck did this thing come from?

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Bloomin’ Onions are great.

            Coincidentally, in college, I had friends who would smoke a lot. Their ashtrays would fill up with cigarette butts, which we also called “bloomin’ onions.”

          • Lacertilian

            #BLXKKBEXRDfacts

            I’m fairly sure it’s illegal to serve onion here without some sort of beer product applied during cooking.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            That sounds straight as fuck.

          • “I thought you invited this.”
            “I thought YOU invited this!”

          • Lacertilian

            Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the s’posedoes.
            How many drinks in?

          • Its 843pm here, had about six. Going out for more! You’re prolly watching Saturday morning cartoons bout now…?

          • Lacertilian

            Saturday arvo now, nearly 14:00.
            I still haven’t done anything except plough through my ever increasing ‘Watch Later’ list on YouTube.
            If I start drinking now I’ll be done by around dinner, fuck it, nothing good happens after dinner these days anyway.

          • You just described every Sunday for me. Except sub 1400 for 1100

          • Lacertilian

            What is this ‘Sunday’ you speak of?

          • All it is is an onion ring on steroids. Not exactly high end or original.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

            I love those things! They’re so good!

          • What do Australians eat, actually?

          • Lacertilian

            Feet

          • Ellipsis

            New Zealanders

          • Nope, New Zealand All Blacks eat Aussies for breakfast!

          • *throws boomerang, doesn’t come back

          • Lacertilian

            that’s called a stick Jimmah.

          • Fosters = Australian for rotgut.

        • And I’m sure you get to hear enough Midnight Oil for 10 lifetimes.

      • Max

        You forgot the bushfires, sharks and Ray Martin Special Presentations.

        Actually I never realized how dangerous the place is until you listed it all. We need some of your guns!

        • DDubya.

          Well, seeing as how we get a free handgun with every liquor purchase here in Texas, I’ve got a stockpile. I’ll send some y’all’s way.

        • And having one of the most idiotic, racist and misogynist leaders on Earth. Sorry, not everyone can be Best Korea!

          • Max

            You should see what he did just today: He made Prince Phillip (the Queen’s husband) a Knight of Australia. That’s just flat out weird – a duke becoming a knight. Isn’t that technically a demotion?

      • And the horrifying fear of living under Tony Abbott.

    • venezuelanfeels about your bad flush. I think I will get sleep without eating. And part because I haven’t went to shopping and my reserves are down jajaja

  • CT-12

    Flush: woodchipping constantly at work while it’s pissing rain

    No Flush: This sick new Napalm video
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33OZfCUsomk#t=104

    • Lacertilian

      You chipping stuff you’ve cut or at some sort of factory?

      • CT-12

        Work at a golf course and we recently cut down an unholy shitwack of trees. Looking at fucking weeks of chipping, yippee

        • Lacertilian

          Unholy shitwack is a great description!

          • CT-12

            I feel like we’ve had this conversation a while ago, what do you do again?

          • Lacertilian

            Yeah I remembered you were getting your chip on.
            I think I said the only thing worse than chipping all day is chipping on a hill all day.

          • CT-12

            Ahh, well I wish you no chips in your future!

          • Lacertilian

            The easiest way for me to get a no chip future is to call ALL IN

          • *hums that to the tune of Rhapsody’s ‘Unholy Warcry’*

          • CT-12

            Dude, don’t even get me started on how much shit there is wrong with golfing/the golf business….uggghhhh

    • And they are insanely good live!

      • CT-12

        Saw em at Housecore last year, stoked to see them in a few weeks with Voivod!

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

    I love Little Caesars W. I do hate Wal Mart though. This week, I’d like to flush the album the Steve Miller Band did in the 80’s called Circle Of Love. What the hell was he thinking? That album was his big failure and I despise it.

  • BLXKKBEXRD
    • Lacertilian

      Black HIppy eh?
      I was hoping for a release of this Childish Gambino + Lamar thing.
      http://youtu.be/wpW5dDJzBas?t=5m43s

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        Childish has super disappointed me lately. He’s killing my fanboy status.

        • Lacertilian

          I haven’t heard much of his stuff except for Royalty, to be honest. He’s decent at stand-up comedy though, I saw him on Funny As Hell w/ Jon Dore.
          Lamar’s latest track made me want to vomit which sucks because I really liked some of the tracks on Good Kid, MAAD City.

  • Lacertilian

    Damn you @disqus_kqxyUNPxty:disqus taking me back to the immense headache that was first year Biometry at uni.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I had few classes in stats as part of a dissertation preparatory unit, it seemed like dark sorcery and not of the good kind to me but health problems stopped my dissertation from getting beyond a lit review so I never got into my study, let alone analysis.

    As far as terrible academic disciplines go though, I think semantic calculus is definitely way down there. A means of converting an argument into a mathematical formula from which one can calculate a table of yes and no called a truth table, from which one can see if an argument is valid or not by whether the yes outweighs the no. Or something like that, its been a while. Anyway, I’ve always sucked both at maths and at mathing things that weren’t maths to begin with (I couldn’t even dig GCSE level Latin verse scansion) so it was not my cup of tea, to say the least.

    Can’t really think of any up to date flushing to do. Cataloguing is a bit tedious, but at least our system doesn’t run on MARC or Dublincore or anything specific like that so as long as I get the basic details down ok it doesn’t matter too much what I comma or what I square versus round bracket or whatever. I guess I’ll half heartedly flush cataloguing. It’s certainly way less fun than contracts queries or research ones.

    On the good side, I beat off a possible cold this week, won out on both insomnia and nightmares, and my mystery leg pains are subsiding. I just watched a fairly enjoyable weirdo, semi sleazy Mexican horror rarity and am currently listening to Inter Arma. I’ve started reading John Halkin’s killer caterpillar classick Squelch, and just today discovered a writer called Eric McCormack who seems to be right up my street although I never heard of him before. Experimental, absurdist, Gothic, interested in the problems of language, identity and knowing others, these are totally my things! Got a couple as freebies, I might even say I’m excited. Got some other freebies too, one Joe Donnelly who seems to be a nasty Brit pulp horror purveyor I’m not familiar with, but otherwise more random crap.

  • Akercocke ov Steele

    Good: For my b-day I got 2 50 dollar Amazon cards from relatives. Unfortunately have of that goes to shipping cuz I try to buy the least amount possible (it can still be cheaper than prime) I’m just trying to get every Opeth release up until Deliverance on CD at the moment.

  • Akercocke ov Steele
  • Little Caesar’s is the best pizza on Earth! And this is coming from a Chicagoan who’s had plenty of the fancy ass stuff. PS, New York pizza blows!

    Hefty hefty:

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4b/Giordano%27s_Deep_Dish_Pizza.jpg

    Wimpy wimpy (with a pic of a Jersey Shore type bro-douche for added effect):

    http://www.foodsmackdown.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/artichoke-basilles-pizza-new-york-ny-steve-610×272.jpg

    What’s with that floppy shit? The pizza’s too depressed to even hold itself up!

  • And I’ll leave this one here for ya fellow Venture Bros. fans.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDRIMO7AL8U