Flush it Friday: Spinal Crap

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Kill me” – Me [2016].

I don’t think I’ve ever said that with more sincerity than I did last week. Sure, my tolerance for pain isn’t something I’m renowned for, but I doubt it is a defining trait for many of you either. You might like to greet your mates from time to time with a bit of “Dillon! You son of a bitch“, but truth be told, you’re probably just another regular-arse dude/gal with a correspondingly normal body, typical of our species. Prone to pain, a finite organism, destined to fail.

But hey, you’re (probably) young, enjoying all that life has to offer. Breaking down is what happens when you’re old, and your indulgence in a hedonistic lifestyle of excess will undoubtedly ensure that you will never reach old age. That, or advancements in medical science will eventually overtake your projected life expectancy, ensuring that you remain just shy of death’s grasp, and exist in perpetuity. Either way, it won’t happen to you, no way! Well, guess what? What if I told you that you can become a feeble bag of self-deprecating human waste in one easy step, no matter what your age? Want to find out exactly who actually cares about you? The answer is easy. Burden them with having to look after your every whim and basic human function with a simple irreversible spinal injury.

Back in December last year I had a disc bulge in my spine. And no, it didn’t happen instantaneously. I wasn’t trying to lift something incorrectly or pretending to be a hero by picking up some stoopid heavy item. My injury was essentially a result of about 15 years of physical labour coupled with the fact I am just a pathetic modern day Homo sapiens, just like you. The bone spur on said vertebrae didn’t help matters by acting like a crude paleolithic shiv and aiding the desiccation of the disc, rendering it bereft of its only function I know of – cushioning stuff. “Will the fluid ever return to said disc?“, “When does the pain usually fall below ‘longing to enter endless sleep’ levels?”, “Will the recent spate of ‘artistic’ atrocities mislead people of the future into ignorance of the fact that Jeremy Brett was the quintessential incarnation of Sherlock Holmes?”. I may never know the answer to these vital questions.

Good: Thankfully, I have an awesome “spousal unit”, as Dubya dispassionately termed his significant other this week (and I thought I was the one with cold blood!). Mrs Lizard has been fucking amazing at returning the favour and looking after me. Seriously, I would probably still be spread-eagled on the lounge, afraid to move and crying like the hapless piece of shit that I am without her. Having her around to pick me up, dress me, take care of cooking and do everything short of wipe my arse has reduced my overall despondency immensely. Bear in mind that she is doing this while 9 months pregnant, due to birth our first child in a couple of weeks and is feeling the extra burden herself. If I was gravid, I’m pretty sure I’d just remain sedentary for most of the day, slovenly piling obscene amounts of food into my ugly head. Each morning she sets me up on the lounge with an iced coffee, a banana, bulk codeine, laptop, headphones, all the remotes, and a mound of pillows that resembles some kind of Yaxchilan temple; their combined cushioning and her pampering make me feel like I’m gently floating on the feathers of Quetzalcoatl himself. And no, that’s not the opiates, these things are too damn weak to get high from… I’ve certainly tried.

Bad: Reading comprehension is not your strong point, is it?

Ugly: Fuck, does this even matter?

Being able to talk shit online with you people has made being cooped up inside, alone, and virtually immobile a lot easier to cope with. Also, hearing some of the similarly shitty stories a couple of you bowl dwellers have shared with me has helped snap me out of my own self-absorbed orb of monumental pity.

Y’all know the deal: good, bad, ugly, and this week I’m adding a fourth category – metal (doesn’t have to be music)!


(Image via)

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  • Dubs

    Good: I got to work from home several days this week.
    Bad: The reason I was working from home was because I had diarrhea for several days this week.
    Ugly: The diarrhea I had several days this week.
    Metal: This powerviolence album written about the diarrhea I had several days this week.

    https://nervealtar.bandcamp.com/album/2nd-ep

    • Lacertilian

      I’m sensing a theme here…
      Red Lobstah!

      • Dubs

        It pinched me. Good news! I’m diarrhea free today.

        • Lacertilian

          The culpable crustacean is right there at the table with you!

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I love Red Lobster.

      • Dubs

        Also, I can’t help that I refer to the spousal unit as spousal unit. I am a machine.

        http://cdn.hark.com/images/000/860/492/860492/original.jpg

        • Lacertilian

          Vapeborg’s assimilation rate is startling!

          • Dubs

            *vapes*

          • Lacertilian

            *flees*

          • Joaquin Stick

            Little does he know, the vapor, over time, will cause rust and lead to his demise.

          • Dubs

            I’ll just replace the parts slowly over time, like the ship of theseus.

          • Waynecro

            Does nicotinated propylene glycol cause rust?

    • ME GORAK B.C.™
      • sweetooth0

        The diarrhea song!

        Diarrhea cha cha, Diarrhea cha cha

        When you’re drivin’ in your chevy, and you pants are gettin’ heavy

        Diarrhea cha cha, Diarrhea cha cha

        When you’re climbing up a ladder, and then you hear it splatter

        Diarrhea cha cha, Diarrhea cha cha

        https://diarrheasong.blogspot.ca/

        • ME GORAK B.C.™

          DAMN!!!!!!!! THAT HIGH QUALITY LYRIC WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!

    • There are sprouts of an unknown disease with symptoms of severe diarrhea in Maracaibo since a couple of weeks ago.

      Yeah, it’s funny that nearly a whole city have diarrhea, but this is serious.

    • The toilet will not be neglected!

  • Yeah, I hear that Lizard bro. Getting old and withering away ain’t no fun. Get well my friendo.

    No Good, all Bad and Ugly for ol’ Tyree. I’m about to be taken to the E.R. here in about an hour. I can’t eat anything without feeling like a complete miserable mess or vomiting. 2 weeks of this shit is too long and symptoms are only getting worse.

    Those that don’t work during the weekend, have an enjoyable couple of days off. I’ll keep you all posted on my status.

    • Dubs

      I hope they get you fixed up.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      damn bro

    • Lacertilian

      Fuck, that’s no good. At least you might be closer to finally determining what l’s going on.

    • Joaquin Stick

      Damn man, Hope they can patch you up!

    • Owlswald

      Well wishes dude.

    • Waynecro

      Good luck, man.

    • Get well soon, mr. Tyree! Please return to the living side once again and continue to do your best to being healthy.

      With love,
      Link.

    • megachiles

      Get better, dude!

    • Hope the docs can help you out, sounds like an unpleasant situation.

    • sweetooth0

      Fuck man, hope they can fix whatever bull-sheeeeeeeiiiiiiit is causing your problems man!!!

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      “Getting old and withering away ain’t no fun”. But beats the alternative…lol.

    • Stanley

      Ah, sheeit. That sounds terrible. Sometimes the ER is the way to go though. Better than sitting around feeling miserable waiting for appointments. Good luck. I hope you get it sorted.

    • nbm02ss

      Hope you feel better, Tyree.

    • Satanspeed to you. Hope the docs can help you dropkick your insides into gear!

    • oh fuck, please come back with some good news!
      http://www.jimbo.info/weblog/2009/07/31/chestburster.jpg

    • Feel better, dude.

    • Thinking about ya bud. Get better

      GL

    • Elizabeth Short

      Well wishes (and no prayers). Get better, grind lord.

    • more beer

      Get well bro.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: Seeing a concert at the record store I go to tomorrow

    Bad: I had a soda explode this morning and it got all over my pants.

    Ugly: the election

    • Lacertilian

      Yeah, “soda”, sure JJD.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        It was a blue raspberry soda.

        • sweetooth0

          “blue raspberry soda”

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            GAH

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    Good: Got my recording PC finally up and running again.
    Bad: Working all weekend.
    Ugly: That new Black Crown Initiate song. Holy shit is that bad.
    Metal: plutonium–the heaviest of all naturally occurring metals.

  • Fine Sexy Ladies

    Good: Got paid today, the new place with my housemate/coworker is still going good.

    Bad: I didn’t get paid properly for my overtime. Again.

    Ugly: My mom. Wait…

  • Mother Shabubu

    Good: Finished my vocals. Now that it’s no longer nagging me, I can write in peace. Swans, Gojira, and Terra Tenebrosa next week. New hockey gear this weekend. Ordering my first new set in two years, so stoked about that.

    Bad: I thought I was just out of shape, but I’m out of shape. A week or two of eating better and working out hasn’t done much.

    Ugly: The usual woe-is-me bullshit. The eventual showdown of Trump versus Hilary.

    • Owlswald

      Shit, the release date for the new Gojira came up quick.

      • Stanley

        What was it, 4 years?

        • Dubs

          Sounds right. Summer 2012, I reckon.

        • Owlswald

          Yeah, June 2012. They did a pretty good job of staying in the forefront by touring and releasing the live package.

          • Stanley

            Damn. My snark failed again.

          • Owlswald

            No it didn’t. Twas’ clever.

    • JWEG

      Politics. It’s not exactly “Politics as Usual” this year. But it sure seems like everyone in the media and the party establishments and wide swaths of internet commenters on otherwise reliably ‘liberal’ websites too are all doing their damnedest to pretend like it is now – and any attempt to suggest the contrary is either treason or proof of a Trump Supporter in disguise.

      I suspect the American primary-voting population at large just went in a completely different direction than they saw happen very recently in Canada pretty much because they don’t like seeming like followers. Even if it would mean following us toward a less partisan, less scary, more promising future.

      And if none of the most progressive promises laid out by Prime Minister Dreamboat really come to pass, at least we’ll have the most likely ones: proportional representation, legal weed and a strong(er than critics want you to believe) publicly-administered healthcare system.

  • Joaquin Stick

    Good: Hadean was incredible on Wednesday night. Review coming shortly.
    Bad: Uh… I forgot.
    Ugly: My future couch lines after playing Rocket League for most of the weekend.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      ROCKET LEAGUEEEEEE >>>>>>>>>>

  • Abradolf Lincler

    The Git Gud: WEEKENDER IS ALMOST HERE, I FINALLY HAB 2 DAYS OFF. Records ordered. Should be a nice weekend. Except for the heat. Maybe ill make burritos tonight.

    Bad: This heat.

    Ugly: So, last Saturday i went to go pick up my dog from daycare and she was limping. I ask the girl what happened to her leg and she tries to tell me it was from her digging under the fence. It was obviously a bite, later confirmed by vet and it got infected. So my old lady was convinced the only solution was that the dog go back to her mothers house. Now i get to deal with her moping around for something she decided to do.

    Metal: https://youtu.be/rrXYdEno5_I

    • Lacertilian

      Time for a different dogecarer?
      She can’t just expect to go round biting her clientele without repercussions.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        the dog has some issues. she is concerned the dog will dig out of the fence when we buy the house. the dog only seems to not be crazy at her parents

        • Lacertilian

          What sorta pupper you running?

          • Abradolf Lincler

            she is a pit/something mix (likely lab)

          • Scrimm

            I have a pit/lab mix. Best pup ever, but can be a little crazy sometimes

          • Abradolf Lincler

            She is a very sweet dog but she is extremely neurotic at times and sometimes scares me the way she acts around my little babies, the cats

          • Scrimm

            I was worried about the same thing when mine was a little guy but he always seemed to know when he was playing hard enough. Our cat is gone now, but we leave him alone all day with our much smaller dog and no problems. Never know though. One bite…

          • Abradolf Lincler

            yeah, i mean, it was never a HUGE concern for me. Big Fuzz is pretty much the definition of alpha female, and the kitten is way too fast for the dog to ever catch her if it came down to it

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      Fuck you, This Heat is an amazing band!

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    More good: New Vader album

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      VADER ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        ..

  • J.R.™

    Good: Driving to Atlanta for a Braves game tomorrow!
    Bad: Lady refuses to use the aux cable she has RIGHT THERE and this Bluetooth music is just so bad. I know I’ve complained enough about her horrible lack of respect for audio quality, but man. Bring me Thar Endless Sleep indeed.
    Ugly: Nothing like working 9-5 and taking summer classes to make you want to have more to come home to than my parents. Gettin that itch

  • JWEG

    No Bad. No Ugly.

    Good:
    – Fantastic weekend weather coming up.

    – Today is my Month-iversary of going in for neurourgery (late evening though), and tomorrow A.M exactly 12 hours from now of coming out of said surgery. I’ve recovered well apart from the aforementioned nagging neuralgia, and some recently-developed itchiness at the scar site. I don’t consider either more than a minor obstacle, though, compared to historical setbacks and difficulties during past recovery periods.

    – Scream Factory announced an impending Collector’s Blu Ray of John Carpenter’s The Thing. More cover, content, and specifications details were released this week.

    The Chair Blu Rays are being sent out this week to Kickstarter backers. The in-stores version is still coming soon, as I think the distribution details are still being worked out.

    – Vale of Pnath II

    – Everything by Ferenc Kapiller as ‘Release the Long Ships’:
    https://releasethelongships.bandcamp.com/

    – Got my latest (but not last) TovH shirt earlier this week:

    • Good to read you better, mang!

    • HeisenJWEG

      • JWEG

        You know, my cousin’s husband said I had a definite Breaking Bad vibe going on when I saw him a few weeks ago.

        The last time I was compared to a celebrity, it was years ago, and that was Kiefer Sutherland. Being confused with Jack Bauer (either one, even) couldn’t be too bad. But I never could see it.

        The way my hair seems to be coming back in, I think I might wind up with more of a Tommy Douglas look than that of his grandson though: http://www.electricscotland.com/history/canada/pictures/tommy_douglas.jpg

    • sweetooth0

      The THING>>>>>>>>>

  • Lizard’s encounters with these unhealthy issues gets me sad everitiem, but I’m very happy that he’s a strong reptilian that have the aid of the wonderful Mrs. Lizard.

    All my good/bad/ugly is eclipsed right now by how melancholic I feel listening this excellent new Katatonia record (once again).

  • Man, I hope your situation improves. Your wife sounds like a true hero. Couldn’t imagine my wife being able to do that for me although I know she would try. Only medical thing I had that compares was when I had to have my gall bladder removed a couple years ago. The pain felt like being stabbed repeatedly in the stomach. The doctor said it was ready to explode and had I waited any longer, I would’ve been in rough shape.

    No good, bad or ugly for me this week, I hate my job as usual.

    Here’s some metal (grindcore really) from your homeland and I hope the album title is what you get soon.
    http://youtu.be/agKz47XZaRo

  • nbm02ss
  • Owlswald

    Good: Hit a couple PR’s on my lifts this week and I’m gonna getma pull on some great grub / drinks tonight with the Mrs. to celebrate our 4th marriage anniversary. The weather has cooled off dramatically after topping 100 last weekend. Also, I’m finally over re-entry shock after returning from our vacation.

    Bad: Sometimes, I really worry about the intelligence of the human race. Biking to work the other day, a lady was walking her dog along the sidewalk of a major arterial street without a leash. She goes to use the crosswalk and her dog begins to jet out into oncoming traffic before stopping after she yells in terror. Hey lady, if you want your dog to stay alive PUT IT ON A FUCKING LEASH WHEN WALKING IT DOWN A STREET. Also, Portland really needs to give tickets to drivers who get caught in the “box” of an intersection and block traffic. PEOPLE ARE IN SUCH A HURRY!

    Ugly: The new Nails track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJIT8mX2w-U

    • Dubs

      Congrats on the anniversary.

    • OWLBRO!

      • Owlswald

        LEOBRO!

  • Stanley

    Good/Fucking Excellent: TAAKE on Sunday.
    Bad: It’s in Oakland.
    Ugly: 1am train home beered up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxCX2jRYns8

    • Owlswald

      Uglier: 1am train home not beered up.

    • Scrimm

      BAD: FORGOT TAAKE WAS COMING

      • Stanley

        Ah shit. Last night!

        • Scrimm

          Yep. DAMMIT. Though I don’t listen to a lot of bm these days I still love it and that is one show I would have made the effort to go see

          • Stanley

            Overlords! Can we move Flush It Friday to Flush it Fursday? Scrimm missed Taake because of U!

    • sweetooth0

      I am jealous. TAAKE!!!!!!!

    • Abradolf Lincler

      ive actually BOLO for Taake LPs lately

      • Stanley

        Good luck with that. It’s pretty easy (at least it was) to get the first two albums on the repress, the next three are very difficult to find or very expensive and the last one wasn’t released on vinyl.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          at least its a band likely to be re-pressed for some time

          • Stanley

            You would think so, but it doesn’t seem that way. Hordaland’s doedskvad (my favorite) was released in 2005, and there was a repress in 2011. That’s it.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            give it a little time. i did manage to grab that Odal LP and mgła’s młdosci/further down the nest this morning

          • Stanley

            Nice. I got a couple of Nordreich LPs in the mail today.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            from BB? those have been on my wishlist hard

          • Stanley

            I didn’t know that they had them. I got them from BM Mail Order.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            either way, excellent score

    • more beer

      I saw them last Sunday. It was a good show.

      • Stanley

        What do you mean, good?

        • more beer

          I mean they were good. It was worth the 20 bucks and the 5 minute drive.

          • Stanley

            Ha ha. Stellar review, more beer.

          • more beer

            You will enjoy them. Only 2 more days.

  • Scrimm
  • sweetooth0

    UGLY: Caught some kind of Baltimore cold/flu/pneumonia at the end of MDF and then had to take another week off of work after taking a week for the fest itself. Ended up going to the doctor after a week of it and finding out I had some kind of sinus infection which was forcing all the nose goop directly into my lungs which was perpetuating the wet, painful, nasty ass coughing. Now I have no time to cover the company summer shutdown at the end of July so I have to work a bunch of extra overtime hours to bank it up because unpaid leave is simply not an option for this guy (funny how they don’t really think it’s OK to just you know, not pay your mortgage one month). Ugh.

    BAD: Then I get home from Baltimore to find two of my faucets are
    broken (the bathroom one had been pouring out water with no way to turn it off for who knows how many for the 5 days I was gone) and my house is a disgusting pig sty courtesy of my sister and her boyfriend (neither tap was really their fault, but the timing is shit). We buy new fixtures to replace the broken ones, and go to turn off the water at the main shutoff, which then proceeds to break. Now we have a plumber coming to fix that. My car starts making a horrid scrapping/click sound when I turn the wheel when backing out of my driveway. Thankfully that turned out to be an incorrectly installed part from my last service, so they fixed it for free. On top of all of this, my girlfriend’s boss at her job is a massive dick so she quit her job shortly after our return from MDF. Now she’s feverishly applying for all sorts of jobs so she can get back into the
    work force before her last couple of cheques run out. She has an interview this very afternoon, so I’m hoping all goes well.

    DAMN, when it rains it pours folks!

    GOOD: MDF was a blast and half! Logged into FB this morning to find Tyree telling me I’m famous and my battle jacketed ass (and my cool as fuck GF) showed up on CVLT NATION photographed by Peter Beste! Didn’t even know he was at MDF this year! Can’t wait to get my hands on the book he’s putting together. Finally got some time this weekend (without being sick as a dog) to jam a bunch of that sweet, sweet vinyl I got from MDF. Can’t wait to blast some of those ARCHGOAT vinyl re-issues. So sexy.

    • Lacertilian

      Fuck!

      • sweetooth0

        It aint nothin’ compared to the spine shit though!

        • Lacertilian

          Just wait till the royalties start flowing in from both of your vests’ new found fame!
          No need for work.

      • sweetooth0

        I stay away from Murdaland. I know what’s good for me

    • more beer

      I saw it on that other site. This guy Adel Souto has a similar backpatch project going on. That I believe he is going to turn into a book. Along with also having a very varied discography all on sound cloud.http://www.noecho.net/features/even-more-backpatches-of-the-maryland-deathfest-2013-2015

    • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

      Probably from simply breathing the air in that dump of a city. Every time I’ve been there, it’s smelled like a cross between a dumpster, an ash tray and moldy socks. It smells even worse than Cleveland, which is saying A LOT.

  • GOOD: Weekend time! Beat Doom last night, was really, really fun. I get to eat free BBQ and cake tonight at my cousin’s bday party.
    BAD: My new car is in the shop yet again. This dealership has been a fuuuucking nightmare to deal with. Just fix my car properly so I don’t have to ever interact with you godforsaken people ever again. Gotta start packing this weekend since we’re moving into a new house near the end of this month. Moving <<<<<
    UGLY: The source of our plumbing problems has finally been found (i think). I’m pretty sure the sewage pipe that runs right outside of our house is broken, as that area of our yard is always wet and smells like literal shit. I don’t think it’s possible for our landlord to fix the problem while we’re still living in the house since they’ll have to excavate to fix it. On Tuesday morning, my dog decided to ROLL IN THE RAW SEWAGE that the broken pipe has turned part of our yard into so I had to use some PTO to give her a bath before I could go into work.

    • Dubs

      Packing should be done in two days max. Anything longer than that and you’re going too slow.

      • I could probably pack every one of my belongings in less than a day. But my girlfriend just has SO. MUCH. SHIT.

        I don’t understand how one person can accumulate so many physical items in just 25 years. I try to keep to the bare minimum of physical shit for the exact purpose of not having to deal with it when moving.

        • Dubs

          For almost the entirety of my early adult life, I was able to move everything I owned in a pickup. Having to buy furniture threw a wrench in that, though.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            One of my rules is that I never own enough stuff that I can’t move it in one car load

          • Stanley

            I didn’t know you had one of these.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            ??

          • rules, perhaps?

          • Abradolf Lincler

            essentially, follow anything set forth in the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness or by Jack Donaghee in 30 Rock, then extrapolate to anything manly

          • Stanley

            It was a, what do you call it, a joke. You see, you said “I never own enough stuff that I can’t move it in one car load”, I so I was saying (via my picture) that you “cheat” your rule, by having a big fucking car! Get it? I’ll leave now.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            NO RFI IT DOESNT COUNT BB

          • Stanley

            Ah, you didn’t see the pic. That may explain your confusion.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            McNulty’s too

          • Abradolf Lincler

            and yes, i actually have two SUVs

          • Stanley

            Welded together. lol

          • Abradolf Lincler

            mad max style

          • more beer

            It’s just more trips with the pick up truck.

        • what a horrible girlfriend!

    • i’m jelly about Doom.

      • Dubs

        Deuce, Doom 3 is pretty good too.

        • sweetooth0

          Recently finished the BFG edition for PS3. Good times!

          • i was contemplating picking that one up. give it a ? / 10 rating for us. i remember it being insanely difficult and more Resident Evil-y than most Doom games

          • Dubs

            The BFG edition comes with Doom 3, its expansions, Doom I, two modded expansions, Doom II, and its modded expansions. They also fixed the annoying thing where you couldn’t hold a gun and flashlight at the same time.

          • holy cow! i remember hearing the great flashlight / gun controversy years ago. both sides had lolbuttz points. (also comes with 3D conversion right? for the one person in the world who likes 3D…me)

          • Dubs

            I think it was built in but never actually utilized. At one point it was supposed to support VR tech, but they never did anything with it.

            I’ve been enjoying the game. It gives me lots of anxiety in ways most games don’t.

          • sweetooth0

            yeah, it supports 3-D TVs.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™
          • sweetooth0

            I’m a fan of Doom 3 and i’d give the BFG version a solid 8/10. The only reason I don’t rate it higher is that there were unofficial graphics mods put out for the PC version of the original Doom 3 that blow away the minuscule improvements they made with the BFG edition.

          • Dubs

            I hate hate HATE those demon spiders that crawl out of the walls.

          • sweetooth0

            they are bastards, and they always attack in hordes.

          • Dubs

            I just got it for the PC. I think I just reached Delta Labs after killing the mancubi.

        • I have that but the new one looks far superior and has the feel of the originals.

      • sweetooth0

        Also Brutal Doom. Get the newest release v 20b Hell on Earth levels or some such thing. It’s the tits!

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          Did brutal doom have an 8 bit version of Slowly we Rot on it? I seem to remember hearing the intro riff when I had the LDO of brutal doom on in the background

          • sweetooth0

            The original Ultimate Doom and Doom 2 levels in Brutal Doom had re-done versions of the original midi tracks from the vanilla game. The new release/levels uses some of that, and then re-purposes a bunch of the music from Quake 2.

          • Lacertilian

            Quake 2>>>>>
            Quake 2 OST>>>>

          • i’m going to try to find out how we can play Quake 2 multiplayer. i’ll rocket-jump circles round all y’all motherfeathers!

          • Lacertilian

            Once I get that railgun, I own The Edge.
            You won’t stand a chance man.
            I still have the CD of the game.

          • oh f**k, i’m getting so riled up thinking about this! <3<3<3

          • Lacertilian

            *dusts off 33k modem*
            See you in when this thing establishes connection…gimme a bit here.

        • If I ever find the time mess around with my old PC, I’m going to use it as a dumping ground for old PC first person shooters. Brutal Doom looks hella fun.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      where are you moving, Ann?

      PS – Im upset we havent played DkS3 together

      • Just moving a few miles south of where I live right now, girlfriend bought a house with some money her grandparents left her when they died last year.

    • Óðinn

      Sounds like you’ve either got a blocked drain, a full septic tank, or a cracked pipe. Either way, it stinks.

  • Waynecro

    Good: Going to the market and finding 3 pounds of lean ground turkey at a 50 percent discount. It’s a little gray, but it’s probably still OK.
    Bad: Sports Authority is going out of business. I’ve been getting fitness stuff there for a lot of years, so it’s a bit sad.
    Ugly: Looking up spiders online in an attempt to identify the nasty fuckers that keep chasing me around the house in the middle of the night. They’re nickel-size black spiders with a bright gold stripe. I can’t identify them, so I don’t know whether to hate them because they’re poisonous or to hate them just because they’re icky.
    Metal: We’re one week away from Nails’ You Will Never Be One of Us.

    • megachiles

      Got a pic of the spider? I could probably ID it.

      • Waynecro

        Thanks, man. I’ll try to get a photo of one before I kill it next time. They just show up at bad times–usually when I’m walking around barefoot in the middle of the night. And they COME RIGHT AT ME!!!

        • megachiles
          • our great overlord Pan shouldn’t have made them so spoopy looking then.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf
          • JWEG

            As an image I find that neat.

            Were it an actual spider, I’d find it… and stomp it. Repeatedly.

          • megachiles

            Jumping spiders (Marutas sp.) are pretty cute, insofar as spiders go. They’re mating dance is super entertaining as well. The males throw up their arms and excitedly waggle their upright abdomen (the butt end segment). It’s basically twerking.

          • Waynecro

            I’m pretty sure these bastards are hostile. Three of them have charged at me, whereas most spiders I encounter run away from me. Googling “weaponized spiders in Southern California” now.

        • megachiles
          • Waynecro

            Not quite. They’re dark black (not brownish), they have a rounder abdomen, and the gold stripe on them is shiny. I thought it was paint the first time I saw one.

        • MALANDRO SPIDERS DETECTED IN US. YOU WON’T KNOW HOW THEY WILL CHASE YOU AT NIGHT

          • Waynecro

            I WILL WEAR SHOES AT ALL TIMES TO ENABLE SMASHING FOR GREAT JUSTICE

          • SMASH THOSE FUCKERS OR THEY WILL ROB YOUR FOOD TO SELL IT IN THE BLACK MARKET

          • Waynecro

            IF THEY MANAGE TO OPEN MY FRIDGE AND CARRY AWAY MY FOOD, I’M JUST MOVING AWAY

          • GO TO A COUNTRY WITH EUROS, DOLLAR WILL SOON PLUNGE INTO INFLATION RATE OBLIVION

          • Waynecro

            I WILL DIGITIZE MY SOUL AND LIVE ON THE INTERNET, WHERE I WILL USE NOTHING BUT BITCOIN

          • Waynecro

            That was such a great show. I miss it.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            I also miss Dexter’s Laboratory:

            http://odstatic.com/todoseries.com/dexter-morgan1.jpg

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Waynecro, a president for Justice.

          • Waynecro

            I am in total favor of justice.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            I can picture Dio singing those two sentences.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Vote WAYNECRO IN 2016, he will annihilate all pests.

          • Waynecro

            My hatred of spiders is rivaled by only my love of freedom and justice.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            WAYNECRO2016!!!!!!!

    • JWEG

      I’ve lived in basement suites since I was a wee lad (my last upstairs bedroom being the one in my parents first home), so I’ve coexisted with spiders since as long as I can remember. They’re the usual PNW indoor ones commonly called ‘wolf spiders’ by people who don’t know better (whereas they’re probably a Hobo Spider subspecies).

      Except in the last few years, during which they seem to have slightly interbred with the normally outdoor yellow and black Orb Weaver garden spiders resulting in a weird-as-shit new indoor subspecies with the colouring of a garden variety creepy crawly and the shape of a shower-curtain-invader.

      • Waynecro

        I’ve seen and killed quite a few different types of spiders in my day, but I’ve never seen the bastards I’m dealing with now. I blame aliens/government experiments.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        We also get wolf spiders here in the eastern mountains. I have killed a couple as big as my hand

        • Waynecro

          I mistook a big-ass spider hanging from my roof as a hummingbird last year. Killed that sumbitch with a shovel.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i was working in a crawl space deep in the mountains one day, pulled off the crawl space door and saw the biggest spider ive ever seen. killed it with a nearby cinderblock

          • Waynecro

            You did the right thing.

          • JWEG

            Ugh.

            Google just informed me that there’s a native British Columbian ‘tarantuloid’ species out on the mainland. I really would like to go through the remainder of my presence here never having encountered one.

            Spiders that big can’t swim can they?

          • Waynecro

            That does it: I’m buying another gun.

        • JWEG

          Indeed. There are genuine wolf spiders around of varying sizes – my parents left an old bath tub in the back yard for a few years that became a favourite hunting/nesting ground for golf-ball sized ones for instance – but the indoor ones locals call wolf spiders are clearly not the same species being on average half that size.

          And you just have to be willing to get up close to see the discrepancy in body shape… which is I guess why most people don’t acknowledge the difference.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      BEST: WAYNECRO’16!!!!!

    • Abradolf Lincler

      dont let the dirty liberals at the supermarket tell you that turkeys going bad!

      • Vote Trump!
        cause that turkey's still gud

      • Waynecro

        The dirty liberals at the supermarket usually just want me to sign a petition.

      • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

        Talk Shit, Get Salmonella!

        • Abradolf Lincler

          im still incredulous about that

    • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

      Sports Authority is going completely out of business, or just that one? There’s several around here, but I forgot that they’re still around. The parking lot at the one in Hampton (the city next door to me) was always empty whenever I was around that way.

      • Waynecro

        Completely out of business. They’re having big sales right now.

        • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

          Woah, I gotta check and see if I can get some 5 lbs. barbells on the cheap then. #HeavyLiftingGettingSwole

          • Waynecro

            Don’t forget to pick up some fingerless gloves too, bruh.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            I could use a few pairs of those for the top bunk.

      • more beer

        Out of business completely. Last time I was in one it was ghost town.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Eh I guess my physics exam went ok.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Bad: posers not wanting to pay £40 to come to damnation with me

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Ugly: my fucking toe, jesus christ

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        I would go if I lived where you lived and could easily get to it.

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          I mean it’s fair enough that they wouldn’t want to pay festival prices just to see one specific band but it’s still kind of a pain in the arse.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Understandable.

  • Good: that’s a killer Origin tune d00d!
    Merol: i have attached a link to the best Origin song
    Lizard, there isn’t much i can do to help you (h/t living thousands of kilometers apart), aside from letting you win at chess some more.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeRpkomoUb0

  • megachiles

    Shit, Lizard, I hope you’re able to patch yourself up. Spine injuries (especially discs) are <<<<<<<<<<<<

    Bad: My wife's (spousal unit's?) company is not being helpful about relocating to the Twin Cities after all. As to be expected, she's been feeling undervalued and a lot more anxious about the move/her career.

    This completely blind sided us, because a) the company prides itself on its "culture", and b) it's a start up with limited red tape and middle management. Effectively she would have to quit her job, have her leave paid out, reapply for a part-time job with the company in the Cities, and then wait around for 2-3 months with no guarantee she'll get the position. It's not like she has no experience with the new job's workflow/duties either; she literally does it everyday and has dedicated clientele.

    I'm not possessed of a strong business acumen, but the whole process seems dumb and shortsighted on the company's part.

    I think the whole thing is also reminding her that she has limited upward career mobility with this company, and that she hasn't found something she's truly "passionate" about. This is a topic she's fairly sensitive about, so this whole situation has put everyone (the cat and dog included) on edge.

    Good: We're building an easily dissembled king-sized bed frame with some friends this weekend, so we can retire our shit-tier IKEA bed. REI is having a member's sale, so me and the missus are gonna go buy all of the cold weather gear.

    Ugly: It's Texas in June. I haven't stopped sweating in weeks. Halp.

    • That situation is a giant screaming red flag that this startup does not have its shit together.

      • megachiles

        If they aren’t willing to negotiate on an internal transfer I told her she needs to peace out.

        My biggest issue with the whole thing is that this company, and so many start ups, tote themselves as “culture minded”, when the reality is they could care less. They give you a sleek macbook, nap chambers, snacks out the ass, happy endings on Fridays, and a water fountain that dispenses La Croix, so you (and your immediate manager) will do stick around doing grunt work in the hopes that you’ll have a place with the company *if* it becomes profitable. A highly unlikely prospect.

        It’s sticking lipstick on a pig. It might look okay if you squint the right way, but it still stinks.

        • This is a true fact. I’ve worked at nothing but startups over the last six years. Those perks don’t mean shit if you’re not getting paid.

        • Max

          Never work for anything besides money. Friday drinks cannot be exchanged for goods and/or services.

          Most of the people who are present at a company’s genesis are gone by the time it’s up-and-running, and their work to turn it into a seamlessly operating, profitable enterprise is inherited by those who come after.

          • Stanley

            Truer.

        • Stanley

          True.

  • nbm02ss

    Good: Off work in 10 minutes. Going to see Conjuring 2 at some point this weekend, but first I’ll have to fire up Dark Souls.

    Bad: My sleep schedule has been fucked for a bit. It’s probably anxiety rearing it’s ugly head; might need to see a doc in the near future.

    Ugly: It’s that time of the year where Florida gets oppressively hot. I generally want nothing to do with the outdoors, unless activities include water in some capacity.

    I hope everyone who is having health issues are able to get them sorted out. All my best wishes.

    • Dubs

      I’m going to see it tomorrow!

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    Good: MRS LIZARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Next to Mrs. Boss, she’s my hero this week. My half-Elf brother in Metal, Link, is a close second.
    Other good: I’ll probably preorder Sewercide this weeekend with a few more Unspeakabke Axe albums.
    Other other good:Toilet and METAL! And Dungeon Synth, can’t forget Dungeon Synth.

    https://youtu.be/hDpc-831GPs

  • EsusMoose

    Good: toured, applied and moved into my first post-college apartment this week over a span of 4 days that ended today. A scanner darkly is good. Glad the stress of moving is over and will be closer to where I’ll be working. Astronoid’s new album.
    Bad:Toured, applied and moved into that apartment today which was 90 with 70% humidity, felt like a sauna. Due to some lack of forethought, I did not buy things that are necessary to live in said apartment, no food, no paper things (toilet paper is the foundation on which we build our empires), exhausted.
    Ugly: Staying at your parent’s house because you’re an idiot who forgot to get the things that’d let you live in your apartment and being too tired to buy all the things after everything was put in.
    Well my weekend will be watching money burn like pine needles thrown upon a large fire but fuck it, I think I’ll get some barbeque. Have a great weekend everyone and hopefully the lizardwizard gets better

    • Lacertilian

      Damn, everyone is moving around a lot lately.

      • EsusMoose

        -Riotact666

    • Dubs

      How long did it take you to pack? I feel like you, a corgi of efficiency, probably did it in a day.

      • But those tiny legs may have been an impediment.

        • Dubs

          I’m mainly asking in order to throw shade at Edward who takes too got dang long to pack.

          • EsusMoose

            Ha we were commenting somewhere about the hell of packing, I still need to unpack but that’s for tomorrow.

      • EsusMoose

        Ah 8-10 hours? Got the news I could move in around 1 but had other things to figure out and finished packing around 11. Helped that I just moved out of another place a month ago so besides clothing it was already in bins.

  • Good: Thank you @James_Jimmy_Mcnulty:disqus for the Bandcamp gift. I’mma listen this weekend while I
    Bad: seal my windows and spray down everything in my pest-infested house

    • Lacertilian

      Detective found you.
      You got got.

    • don’t listen to @megachiles:disqus, all pests don’t want love: they want you ded.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      before i cringe . . . what kind of pests

      • Dubs

        Crusties, mostly.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          more like butt crusties

      • Roaches, fruit flies, and mosquitoes. The fruit flies are the most galling of all. I don’t leave any food out and I have traps all over the house for the bastards.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          didnt you say you just bought a house in the ghetto?

          the fruit flies are coming from the drains, most likely.

          the most effective fruit fly trap is a shot of applecider vinegar with a DROP of dish soap

          • I use that within a funnel so it traps more. I’ve killed several hundred. They just keep coming. Gonna try to do something about the drains tho, good looking out.
            http://www.thebugsquad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Fruit-Fly-Traps.jpg

          • Abradolf Lincler

            roaches are your actual issue. that is a nearly insolvable fight, since it also depends on your neighbors

          • Abradolf Lincler

            you may also want to take a thorough look through your crawl space and attic (if you have them)

          • Scrimm

            Yep got new Neighbors, and suddenly now have a massive roach problem.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            why do you think i live out in the country, and trying to move even further out

          • more beer

            You need to use bait not sprays to get rid of them. They need too bring the bait back to the queen. So she feeds on it and dies.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah got tons of it. these are persistent ;ittle bastards

          • more beer

            It will take a while to kill the queen.

          • EsusMoose

            Joe the genocider of fruit flies!

          • Óðinn

            Fruit flies reproduce in water. One way to minimize their presence is to eliminate standing pools of water around/inside your home. Sources of water that don’t refresh regularly.

            The fruit fly trap works to catch flies, but does not stop them from recurring. The ones that don’t get trapped will still reproduce. Better to stop them from reproducing as well. Just my 2 cents.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            Or simply get fly paper.

        • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

          Could be worse. Could’ve been bed bugs. Had those at my place back home, and it took me 4 whole days of practically nuking my house with rubbing alcohol to get rid of them.

  • tertius_decimus

    Can’t really help, Lizard, just take deepest wishes on your recovery. Upcoming birth may bring you good vibe, so let’s hope everyghing will go easy and lucky for every three of you!

  • tertius_decimus

    Bad: missed to see Sadist on stage today. Ugly thing is that it’s intentional decision. Dreamed of seeing them in person for who knows how many years but uncertainity in close future has turned me off from expenses, even so insignificant as $13,50 ticket.

    Bad: time goes by and my 3-day 1400 km trip (do the math yourself) on bicycle comes closer with every passing day. Just little more than 1 month before start. I feel constant pain caused by riding 52/14-52/12 gears even uphill and in far perspective the character of knee pain indicates that in my fairly young age I’ve killed my knees beyond repair. Looking forward to enter >50 age on three legs.

    Bad: attempt in relationship with new GF failed. On a good note she has treated me nicely, with plenty of respect, so I’ve got nothing to blame her. Old one still eats my mind like a parasitic micro organism and I can’t cope with that. Someone has said here in ToH that ex is an ex for a reason — true words. I won’t forgive betrayal, can’t forget all the good things we had in common. Better to forget.

    • Stanley

      Why are you riding a 52?

      • tertius_decimus

        Okay for me. Wanna install 54-tooth chainring, however, looking at knee problems, seems like it’s not a good idea.

        • Stanley

          Unless you’re riding flat hour long time trials, I think a 54 is a bit much. I live in a hilly area (and I’ve got old legs) so I ride a compact crank (50/34) with a 25/12 cassette. I prefer to spin up the hills rather than grind, and it’s certainly a lot easier on the knees. With my gearing, I still need to get out of the saddle when the pitches hit 8-10 percent, and there’s lots of those.

  • Max

    Good: I won Metalsucks’s Photo Caption contest this week. Not sure why, since I didn’t even get the highest number of upvotes the last time I looked at the article. But I’m not turning down whatever prize they send me.

    Bad/Ugly: So last Sunday, three members of my five-piece band all quit on the same day, leaving just me (drums) and the bassist. It turned out to be one of the worst days of my life, psychologically, even though it’s a total first-world problem.

    It took me nearly a year to get that band formed, we had a former lead vocalist quit after the first rehearsal (yet found another), and have scraped through about five months of rehearsals making slow progress (probably due to the difficulty of learning my songs on guitar, it must be admitted), only for the whole enterprise to collapse in one day.

    None of the reasons cited by the departing members for their exodus are really that convincing (ie: day-jobs) and I can’t help think it must have something to do with my personality. And either the music is so good they’re intimidated by it, or not good enough for anybody to bother staying, considering the other pressures of their lives.

    Either way, I’m virtually back at square one trying to recruit people and rehearse for a live set. Five months of booking rehearsals, distributing demos for everybody to learn their parts from, loaning them gear, etc, etc. All for nothing. People (except the bass player, of course) are really lame.

    • Óðinn

      GOOD: I had actually forgotten that MetalSucks exists, until you just mentioned it now. It’s good to get to that stage in your life.

      • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

        I can’t believe a legit news site (Al Jazeera) referenced them a few weeks ago (when Obama praised Finland for their metal bands). I’d expect that kind of derp out of The Daily Fail.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Bass players>>>>>>>>>

      • Max

        That kid is a wizard on bass; four times the bass player I ever was. Unlike the other members, he learns my songs near-instantly. I’ll send him a new song and he’ll zap back a bass play-through of it less than 24 hours later. (With the guitarists it was more like 24 weeks later.)

        He’s currently loaning my rig (from when I played bass in a previous band) and I honestly wouldn’t mind bequeathing it to him for the dedication he’s shown.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          That is really cool to hear man!
          Best of luck to you on your quest of bandmates.

      • …said few people

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          You watch your mouth JIMMY!!!!

          • my neighbor just bought a house with some prime rehearsal space in the basement. they’re going to put a bass guitar in my hands one of these days. just call me Jimmy “Steve Harris” McNulty!

    • It’s tough forming a band and keeping it together. Have you considered just doing everything yourself?

      • Max

        I’ve done the Vikernes dungeon solo-enterprise thing since I was 19; I’m now 41. (In fact, I learnt drums specifically because programming a drum machine wasn’t cutting it for “realism”.) Indeed, the majority of material posted on my band’s Bandcamp page IS all me.

        Every other band I’ve been in was somebody else’s. I got fired from the last band I was in for creative differences and finally decided “now it’s my turn.”

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Do you still need a singer? I’m a good singer.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        i would also volunteer as a vocalist or guitarist but im p sure Max isnt in our area, JJD

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I don’t know where he’s from so that’s a good point

          • Max

            I’m in Adelaide, South Australia. Book a plane ticket and I’ll meet you at the airport. You can sleep in my spare room with the electro drumkit and all my road cases.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Damnit.

          • Max

            Hey – with the imminent coronation of Supreme Warlord Trump, there’s never been a better time!

          • Abradolf Lincler

            perhaps the rest of the world doesnt realize Clinton is the real warlord?

          • Max

            Either way, we’re all DOOMED. You have a choice of calling your next hardcore band Clinton Youth or Trump Youth. Those are choices we can believe in.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i thot about seeking refugee status in another country. p sure its viable

          • Max

            Stick with Canada if you’re gonna do that. Refugees who reach Australia get put in prison, offshore.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            mmmm noted, max

          • more beer

            Now that is a public service announcement.

          • more beer

            Yea we are fucked. But no youth band named after either of those two. Will come close to these guys.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJW19fQTct0

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Good: I skipped all you nerd this week while I stacked paper
    Bad: lol
    Ugly: all you plebs

    • Abradolf Lincler

      upvote

  • tigeraid

    The Good: The new dog is kinda sorta beginning to act like a proper dog. Still a long road ahead.
    The Bad: my yard tractor is broke. I hope to fix it tomorrow before this place looks like the Amazon.
    The Ugly: you fuckers are gonna elect Drumph, aren’t you. God dammit. 🙁

  • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

    Good: Another chill week, jamming some X Marks The Pedwalk right now, and looking forward to grabbing the new Gutter Instinct next week. It’s either going to be that or Dawnfine (Brazilian synth pop band).
    The Bad: Getting gassy this week to the point it’s started to go into my chest. Gah, that shit is annoying!
    The Ugly: Certainly not this jolly fellow!

  • RJA

    Good: just got home from brewery that opened up 1 mile from my house
    Good: mailman bro brought me my caladan brood record
    Good: my grandma is making me breakfast in the morning

    • Abradolf Lincler

      BtR?

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Nice! All of those things are excellent! I am awaiting my Caladan Brood vinyl, should arrive in the next few days.

      • RJA

        It’s a very good looking record – sounds great too – you won’t be disappointed!

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Yessssssssssss

  • BobLoblaw

    Keep your head up man, watched my dad deal with a similar problem/surgery and my brothers long recovery after shattering his c7 vertebra. Its tough but in a month look back at how much progress youve made and dont get discouraged.

  • Just getting around to reading this, Lazzerwhateverthefuck, and I must say that it touches me in places I usually only touch myself.

    It’s not only what you wrote–it’s how you wrote it.

    *clink*