Flush it Friday: Politics, Beer, and Other Things Everyone Agrees About

1929
516
Share:

Salutations, fellow flushers. Come one, come all, and join me in our weekly tradition: Flush it Friday. The day of the week where we can bitch about our daily lives, highlight the good that has happened to us, and generally be gross and disgusting to each other. Come on in.

By now, I’m sure our commenting base knows what Flush it Friday is, so let’s get to it! If you’re new, don’t be shy. Insult everyone mercilessly with the best of us. I’m only instigating one rule (please support me, editors!): NO FAMILY GUY. I will personally speak to Joe about getting your ass banned if you post anything related to Family Guy. [JOE NOTE: Backed. Also, Anime.]

The Good: This beer.

IMAG0292

Cleverly entitled La Fin Du Monde (The End of the World), Quebec’s microbrewery, Unibroue, has just about perfected the art of beer. Triple fermented, sweet and fruity yet refined and sharp, and weighing in at a hefty 9%, La Fin Du Monde has become my staple beer. If you’re able to get hold of a bottle, I highly recommend it.

The Bad: Elections.

I understand my friends in the United States of America are currently prepping for an election, as are we in Canada. I would like everyone here to know that a key issue outlined by our current government in this election campaign is “Netflix Tax,” which goes to show what a joke modern politics are. Regardless of who you vote for, I think we can all agree anyone who bothers to run for election is a person you don’t really want to vote for, and probably wouldn’t like if you were to meet them for beers.

The Ugly: Okay, this isn’t really that ugly. But it’s creepy, and I want to see it.

 

Now it’s your turn, amigos. What did you love this week? What did you hate? What kind of horrifying bowel movements have you had? Let’s bullshit in the comments together.


Header image from “Calvin and Hobbes” by Bill Watterson. Middle image via.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • The Good: The wife and I are expecting our first child!

    That is all! You all have a great weekend!

    GL

    • Guacamole Jim

      YEAAAH!! Congrats, dude!!

    • Mazel tov!

      • EsusMoose

        You mean toile ov. Ill see myself out.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      Is the world ready for another GL?
      Congrats friendo!

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      Congrats on the successful implantation of your seed.

    • Congratulations, GL 🙂

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Thanks for infecting the world with more humans.

      • This is nearly what I expected you to say. I know you mean well!

        GL

      • Hotdog Clifford

        I guess you have been listening to the new Cattle Decapitation album

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Actually not at all. The last album I own from them is Humanure.

    • The Fish Boz

      Congrats! Good vibes to your family, and may he/she be an awesome little shredder.

      D

    • Stanley

      George or Georgina?

    • Congrats, GL! Feel free to hit me up with any father to be stuff.

    • Congratulations, my friend!!!

      I know your little GL will listen a lot of kickass music and will plant a lot of trees’n’shit around your home.

      LL

    • CONGRATS GL!!!

    • Paris Hilton

      I imagine your child’s first words will be:

      “George Lynch!

      -GL Jr.”

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Condolences.

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      Yay! Can you name him after me?

      • lolbuttz

        • Don Henley’s Ego

          I was being serious.

          • I know you were, lol.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Did you hear about this? Shinedown is touring with Breaking Benjamin. I do like BB but I hate Shinedown.

    • IronLawnmower

      My condolences.

    • Congrats, bruh.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Congrats, man. May your progeny become a great khal.

    • DCLXVI

      Did you tell us before your mom?

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        Couldn’t fault him. I talked to everyone here about my grandma passing away before I talked to my close friends about it.

      • Ha, no sir. She has known for quite sometime!

    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      Congrats! This is how I imagine the birth:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEEwAvlJOcI

    • Stockhausen

      Congrats, fertile one!

  • Hubert

    Good: Eating grass
    Bad: Not eating grass
    ugly: Humans. fuck’em

    Your dearest Hubert, The Goat ov Doom and such.

  • No matter who wins elections we always seem to lose. One way or another.

    I wish there was a “Keep Your Fucking Political Op-Ed to Yourself” Party. Or at least a “Save Your Incessant Political Pontifications for Forums Designed for Such” Party.

    • My solution – voters should be able to vote “no confidence”. That would say, I don’t want to hire this idiot(s) for this job, get me someone legit in here.

      • more beer

        There would be a lot of empty positions. For a very long time. I f we could do that.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    The Good: Calvin and Hobbes

    The Bad: Everything

    The Ugly: Time

    • Guacamole Jim

      I don’t think there’s a newspaper cartoon that can even approach Calvin and Hobbes. I love the Far Side, but it wasn’t on the same level.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Calvin and Hobbes was on another level. The best part is Watterson quit whilst on top and is a recluse.

        • Guacamole Jim

          I think that’s part of the reason it’s so good – he knew when to step away. I also love how he was cynical about both the mainstream and the avant garde.

          • JW(E)G

            Except that one week he secretly collaborated with Stephan Pastis on his Pearls Before Swine (which occasionally managed C&H levels of genius on its own, but not so much lately).

        • KJM

          Once Bloom County and Calvin & Hobbes were done, I canceled my Globe subscription. Fox Trot and Robotman just weren’t enough to keep me hooked.

      • Sir Tapir The Based :]

        In Finland we have a cartoon called Fingerpori. It’s filled with puns. I love it!

        • Guacamole Jim

          I don’t think I’d get it 🙁

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          Hello! My name is Heimo and this is Rape.

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
        • Guacamole Jim

          I do love Cyanide & Happiness, but it’s still not the same level.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I also love Cyanide & Happiness as well as Calvin and Hobbes.

    • Stockhausen

      Calvin and Hobbes rules the world.

  • Good: Got my Mgla and Kriegsmachine CDs in yesterday, Cattle Decap. came out today, finally this fucking hellish week is over with.
    Bad: The traffic has been insanely shitty to and from work every day this week. I don’t work too far from home and it’s taken me around an hour each direction this week. Fucking thing sucks.
    Ugly: Republican Debate, the amount of fucking fruit flies that are invading my house, the toilet in my house sucks and can’t flush anything beyond liquids.

  • Tyree

    Good: Rode to work and back home on my bike 5 days in a row this week, 90 miles total plus over a mountain 10 times. This is in my refrigerator at home. Fucking 12% ABV
    https://latenightdebates.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/palo-santo-marron.jpg

    Bad: The mountain I have to climb 2 times a day on my bike.
    https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/11222284_10153583583983338_4270245077081015048_n.jpg?oh=2a7244b9f836c2d36940d0b1cbfc278d&oe=5680322B

    Ugly: My sweaty disgusting self at work after I’m done riding.

  • Herr Schmitty

    The Good: A republican last night didn’t immediately disgust and nauseate me! Praise be to John Kasich, who clearly has no chance if a liberal heathen like me approves of him.

    The Bad: Nearly all the Republicans are nauseatingly terrible and our country is basically fucked.

    The Ugly: Politically I think Lindsey Graham is fucking terrible, but seriously, how can you watch this and not feel bad for the guy? The single most depressing debate answer I’ve ever seen in years of wasting my life watching debates. I wanted to give him a hug. http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2015/08/06/lindsey_graham_sad_biography.html

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      He was also standing on a box to hide how short he is. Lolbuttz.

    • The only thing I want to see from last night are the remixes on youtube.

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro

    Hey, not all politicians are bad.

  • Mother Shabubu 4

    Family Guy has always sucked. There I said it.

    RICK AND MORTY 4 LIFE BITCHES.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ag6SV6pydI

    • Maik Beninton™

      I don’t watch Family Guy anymore, but I used to laugh a lot, on their old seasons.
      I didn’t like their later seasons.

  • Maik Beninton™

    *Doesn’t understand what’s the big deal with Family Guy
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOAYcy2r36M

    • Guacamole Jim

      JOE!!! BAN HIM!

      #SayNoToFamilyGuy

  • The Fish Boz

    GOOD: Trials’ This Ruined World is an album I am enjoying. Let’s see how long it will last.

    BAD: Having to memorize classifications for each different abdominal organ trauma. Like a liver laceration of less than 1 cm is stage I, but if it’s between 1 and 3 cm it’s stage II and so on. Complete avulsion of the liver is stage VI -> which means you need surgery.

    This is probably a III. Maybe IV.

    http://www.intechopen.com/source/html/38233/media/image7.jpeg

  • KJM

    Now they’re havin’ butt sex
    cowboy butt sex
    SODOMAYYEEEEE!!!

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      NO

      • KJM

        YES.

        • Guacamole Jim

          IT’S A BAN-ABLE OFFENCE! DON’T DO IT, KJM!!

  • Stanley

    Music to jam while you FIF.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmEptCUqYg0

  • Sir Tapir The Based :]

    Anime and Family Guy are getting banned here? This is the best day of my life!

    • Guacamole Jim
      • Guppusmaximus

        Why u no like Family Guy??

        • Guacamole Jim

          There’s not enough time to list everything, but basically Family Guy is terrible, low-brow humour for knuckle dragging bros (even with its pseudo liberal pandering). The jokes are barely tolerable at best. Seth McFarlane is fucking abysmal at big band vocal jazz (a genre that sucks balls to being with), and is just basically a gigantic douche in general. The show has basically one gag (cutaway scenes) that it uses ad nauseam, and yet it’s still continuing on TV, people are still watching it, and it infuriates me to no end.

          #SayNoToFamilyGuy

          • aww, let’s cheer you up GJ:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRsbytCTd9M

          • KJM

            I think all 3 of the major animated shows(Family Guy, South Park, especially The Simpsons) need to just end now.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Agreed. I loved South Park, until about season 8. I could never really get into The Simpsons, and once my nuts dropped I realized Family Guy was juvenile.

          • KJM

            I loved Simpsons during the 90s, but it really lost steam after the first 10 years, and South Park is just far too preachy for me.

          • GJ, can i come to your house and show you seasons 2-8 of The Simpsons?

          • Guacamole Jim

            You can come to my house any time you want, McNulty <3

          • Old South Park is the best.

            New South Park is non-sense hipster SJW.

            FLUSH.

          • Guppusmaximus

            They’ve always used social commentary as the basis even when it wasn’t floating at the top,so, I don’t agree that the new stuff is hipster and not even close to being SJW. Again, my .02…

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            I just sort of stopped keeping tracking of it after awhile because I got busy. I think the last episode I saw was the super-depressing one where everything sounds like crap. Maybe one or two after that.

          • I was being sarcastic. I still don’t know what SJW or Hipster really means now, anyways.

            But, you have to agree that older episodes relied more in a comedic relief with some episodes that used social or political comments as a context for the comedy.

            New episodes, on the other hand, relies more as critic as part of the argument.

            It’s still a well written show, but sometimes it just go out of hand really fast to my tastes. You can’t compare the Barbra Streisand episode with that Kyle Jesus Saving the Economy episode.

          • KJM

            More like hipster Libertarian now.

          • You gotta ZZZZZZhill out, jajaja.

          • Guppusmaximus

            True… There were moments early on in that show that were created just for shock value and the old episodes I still love. I just think that the newer ones finally found their way of stinging people with refined toilet humor that is ingeniously wrapped in relevant social commentary. I can’t help it, I kinda grew up with it. I’ve been watching it since it first aired and it still makes me laugh my ass off.

          • Yeah, last episodes are well written. It’s just a matter of taste (or even it’s a cultural barrier, because last episode I watch was about a weird brand of a football team or something).

          • Maik Beninton™

            I watched an episode where they criticised free to play games where you have to pay for more content, it was genius.

          • Guppusmaximus

            I guess I have to disagree…The latest season of South Park has been pretty righteous.

          • Guppusmaximus

            Looks like I’m a knuckle dragging bro… *weeps silently*

          • Guacamole Jim

            I am truly sorry for your lots

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_RaPOOVX1Y

          • Guppusmaximus

            Don’t lie you bastage… You’re not sorry at all 🙂

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJNqITC9_Sw

          • CT-12

            I’m in the same boat entirely. Really one of the only shows I watch on tv.

          • DCLXVI

            It’s all goo bro lets go to Applebee’s and I’ll buy you a Brutus of bud light lime

    • Guppusmaximus

      Stupid Question: Why are they banning Family Guy?

      • Sir Tapir The Based :]

        Ask Mr Guacamole, he’s the leader of the movement.

  • Good: cattle decapitation
    Great: cattle decapitation
    Best: cattle decapitation
    Bad: bills, fuck them

    Ugly: that disturbed song about getting high, yeesh

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box OV HELL

    The lolbuttz: apparently Spotify got this new function where they generate a playlist of 30 songs it thinks you would like every week. The first one on mine was a christian deathcore band.

    The bad: Heat. I took a shower this morning and I already look like I went moshing at a concert in a cramped up venue in the middle of a desert. Also, american politics lol.

    The good: NEW WOW EXPANSION IM SO EXCITED. Also, listened to Amenra today, wich is a doom/sludge/hardcore band that I’m pretty sure I heard about before but never gave them a listen, probably because none of the songs is under 7 minutes. They’re pretty good.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I’m excited to see what the Demon Hunter class is all about.

      • Shrimp in a Pizza Box OV HELL

        Popular opinion is breaking PvP and making Rogues completely obsolete, if that’s the case Blizz only needs to remove Hunters and I will finally be able to have fun.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Damn, rogue is my favourite class. It’s actually the only class I enjoyed playing for longer than 15 levels.

          • Shrimp in a Pizza Box OV HELL

            I levelled one up to 45 (and a feral Drui up to 82, if that counts) and they are really fun, but really annoying in PvP.

          • Only Vanilla stun-rougues are real!

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      My Discover playlist was all borked this week.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      My playlist had only one band I like (Neu!).

    • I can’t play that new WoW, but I’m so happy and excited of it like if I was paying the entire game!

      • Shrimp in a Pizza Box OV HELL

        Damn, that sucks. Up to what aptch can you guys in Venezuela play?

        • I mean, you can get some electronic dollars and you can pay it from paypal or if a friend do you the favour with a credit card.

          The sad part is that I don’t have dollars and I don’t have a good PC.

          I’m stuck in a TBC private server because more than that the PC will start punching me with Blue Screens because it have some weird failure and I don’t have money right now to repair it.

          ;_;)

          Maybe other day.

  • Tyree

    Fucking 90’s pop rock music.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFatPKjp3Po

    • CyberneticOrganism

      The “Songs About Butts” thread was this morning.

      • Tyree

        Oh yeah.

  • RustyShackleford

    GOOD: Finishing up my internship and headed to South Carolina on vacation for a whole week.
    BAD: uh….the beach is hot and I’m gonna get my ass all sweaty.
    Ugly: My sweaty ass

    Also have seen this beer around so now am definitely gonna try it! Thanks Guac! Yep.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Let me know what you think!!

  • Good: Wife went back work this week so our cashflow will go back to normal.
    Bad: The wife leaves for work at 7 AM tomorrow and I have to care of my two little ones on 4hrs sleep or less because I will be drinking beer tonight.
    Ugly: The roadkill on Trump’s head that he refers to as hair.

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro

    Good: My wife’s night-shift week is over, so we are going out tomorrow with good friends coming in to town to celebrate her birthday!

    Bad: Lost a dear friend this week.

    Ugly: These bags under my eyes.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Sorry, chum. This is for you.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKogwqaNUKQ

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        “We are cold when we are strong
        In one breath we can still grow”

    • sorry about the loss bro 🙁

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        Thanks, Jemmeh

    • Remember this article and remember calling me, beibi 😉

      http://www.toiletovhell.com/toilet-ov-hell-and-friendship-and-feeling-good/

    • CT-12

      Sorry for your loss W.

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        I appreciate you!

    • more beer

      Sorry about that man. Losing a good friend always sucks.

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        Thanks, mate. Had to make some hard phone calls on Thursday.

        • more beer

          I`ve been there too.

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      I had a falling out with one of my lady friends this week. We’re probably never going to speak again but that’s fine by me. Our friendship had deteriorated to such a point that it was going to happen at some point

  • CyberneticOrganism

    No Family Guy. No anime. I like these rules.

  • Tyree
  • Guppusmaximus

    Yea, it’s getting rather tiresome here in the States to discuss politics as our Gov’t. has basically shat all over the Constitution and the media takes Trump running for office as a serious proposition because the competition in his party comes from a bunch of fucking asshats that wouldn’t know how to fix this mess even if there were instructions on the intertubes. Let’s not even talk about Clinton Pt.2… *ugh*

  • Paris Hilton

    The Good: My new gig is going to pay for me to get a yoga instructor certification. I’ll be getting paid to teach women in Lululemons how to stretch. My mama didn’t raise no fool! A bear has also been hitting up my bait pretty hard so I’m hoping to bag it with the bow once the season opens!

    The Bad: Student loans are still a son of a bitch!

    The Ugly: I have to remove some stucco bound to chicken wire from my cabin walls this weekend. That’s gonna be fun…

    • Lacertilinger

      You’re going to kill a bear?

      • Paris Hilton

        Probably

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    GOOD: I got my new glasses, finally.
    BAD: I am not used to glasses twice as big as before
    UGLY: These glasses actually do suit me, so nothing, I reckon.

    • Well, you finally got your new glasses! Cheers up, dude!

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        It’s a nice change, seeing things.

        • I need to check my sight too. I see all blurry outside a 1,5 mts ratio.

        • Stanley

          So when are you going to get your hearing sorted out?

          • OOOOHHHHHH!!!

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            The jokes on you, next week.

          • Can’t wait for the revenge.

            *Drinks Red Potion*

    • Tyree
    • I replaced my glasses a few months ago and they are made by Tapout. I now have steriod sight.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        What’s a steroid sight?

        • UFC Fighters=roids, my glasses made by a clothing line associated with MMA fighting. Stronger vision for me.

      • CT-12

        You can Ed Hardly see without ’em! (lame joke)

        • Haha, almost got a pair of those instead.

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt

    Stump gazing Calvin and Hobbes. Kvlt.

    • Trees’n’stumps’n’black merol’n’shit Calvin and Hobbes.

  • Good: I think I’m jamming everything in a good way 🙂 I do my best.

    Bad: I WILL NOT HAVE INTERNET IN MY RESIDENCE BECUSE THE OWNER HAD A BORROWED SWITCH AND THE OWNER ASK FOR IT. I WAS GOING TO VACATIONS IN A WEEK AND I WILL NOT HAVE INTERNETZ TO PLAY MY WOW.

    Ugly: the stupid alt-rock laugh.

  • JW(E)G

    Fin du Monde is excellent. ‘Terrible’ is better, but most any Unibroue will do.
    Anyway.

    The GOOD: I’m out to get the new Cattle Decapitation. On CD because why not.

    The BAD: The first place I checked didn’t have it and I have to wait another half hour for the bus to the next spot.

    The UGLY: Something I ate this morning is disagreeing with my guts, enough that I had to stop briefly at a Starbucks to use their bathroom earlier and near-condemn it.

    Side note: There’s some kind of weird universal rule that you could sit near the restroom of a coffee shop for a whole hour and nobody would pass by you to get in, but moments after you go in and lock the door behind you there’s that inevitable mortifying violent-handle-jiggle just as you sit down to go.

  • Don Henley’s Ego

    Good: I get paid this week, Budgie, the new Fear Factory album

    Bad: Jimmy Snuka has some sort of cancer.

    Ugly: The abominations in the Mariana Trench.

  • the gud: The Talos Principle (video game, for you jocks)
    the bad: where’d some of our friends go? (i.e. @eliteextremophile:disqus, @nefariousdude:disqus, @mouseporn:disqus)

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      Where is Acclaimed Metal Vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven? I miss him.

    • CT-12

      Your “bad” is some real fucking talk right thur.

    • EE & the nefarious dude are regulars in the FB group. GC Seems to have r-u-n-t o-f-f though : /

      • Lacertilinger

        Don’t worry about @James_Jimmy_Mcnulty:disqus he merely recruits people to the FB group but doesn’t use it

    • Guacamole Jim

      Dude. Talos Principle. So good.

      • Sir Tapir The Based :]

        Worship of Talos is illegal, Jim.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Shit!! I’m never going to be able to stop doing hail Mary’s if I keep this up.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            The Thalmor will take you!

    • This is a game you will not win.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Family Guy is the loudness war of entertainment.

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      Gurp plz! You’ll be banned One Of These Nights if you keep on doing this!

  • Disgustache

    The Good: I just got back from a 2 week work trip, and have almost 140 hours of time in for that period. Since I”m hourly, it means that I will get over time and then double time, so I’m looking at some serious fucking buxxx.

    This is my last day at work, and I will begin my full time school journey soon, so it’s a bittersweet day.

    GL is expecting a baby, so that’s also cool.

    The bad: I just worked 140 hours in 2 weeks.

    The ugly: my fucking floor with all my dirty ass travel clothes that need to get cleaned.

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      I have an idea for what you can do with all that money.

      • Buy ToH shirts?

      • Disgustache

        I don’t trust your hoodlum ways, you gangster!

        • Dubzlinger, Malandro

          I was going to suggest you go to each of our Bandcamp profiles and purchase us each one album from our respective wishlists.

          Or, you know, get yourself something nice.

          • The Fish Boz

            Something nice = our unconditional friendship = buy us albums

          • I like that idea. He have more than 200 albums to choose.

            *drinks Red Potion*

          • Disgustache

            Did I say money? I meant they were paying me in cake. Yeah, cake.

      • Buy SURGE citrus flavored soda?

        • Don Henley’s Ego

          I NEED IT!

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        He can book me and the rest of The Eagles to perform in the backyard of The Dude.

      • Sir Tapir The Based :]

        Buy Link toilet paper?

    • CT-12

      Hell yeah, stoked for you, also stoked that GL’s having a kid, congrats to both of you! Also, your comment reminded me of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RmIwgFRIuQ

      • Disgustache

        Thanks dude! It’s gonna be a journey, but one thing is for sure: it won’t be boring.

      • more beer

        That`s a great album.

    • more beer

      Hate to tell you but. The government is looking at beating you down with taxes. Once you start getting into time and a half and double time they fuck you hard. Look forward to getting paid for about half of those hours the rest will go to the IRS.

      • Disgustache

        Oh I know. I got my check today: $3200 before taxes, $2300 after

        • more beer

          Ouch! I’m a sub contractor my checks are usually big like that. But I can write all sorts of things off. Which is a huge help. Come tax time.

        • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

          GAH!

  • Waynecro

    Good: New Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare DLC.
    Bad: I’m not very good at video games.
    Ugly: The insults screamed at me via Xbox Live because I’m not awesome enough to get 25 kills in a match. Fuckin’ sorry, dudes, some of us can’t play Xbox 80 hours a week to get absurdly good at what’s supposed to be an escape from the stress and regimented drudgery of real life. Seriously, if I get bitched at by one more 9-year-old, I’m going to start selling baby meat for Planned Parenthood.

    • Don Henley’s Ego

      I never liked COD. I do like Halo though.

      • Waynecro

        I sort of like some Halo–mainly the campaigns, though. Never tried multiplayer. I always feel like there’s not enough ammo in Halo games, and I hate not being able to look down the sights of every weapon.

        • Don Henley’s Ego

          I love the Halo multiplayer because it’s easier than COD in my opinion.

          • Waynecro

            I played CoD before I ever played Halo, so perhaps that’s why Halo‘s game play feels a little dated to me.

    • when you log out for the night, “all right you kids have fun, i’m going to have sex and then go to bed”

      • The Fish Boz

        brutal

        • Disgustache

          The sex will probably be brutal, too.

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        Jimmy plz! You can’t have sex with those kid’s mothers!

        • Sir Tapir The Based :]

          They’re two consenting adults, of course they can!

        • Jajajaja!!

        • Well… not ALL of them. He’s but one man.

          • The Fish Boz

            One can only dream though. I’d like to have at least a kid of each ethnicity in a big, poliamorous, geography-defying relationship. I already have their names picked out.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Will you volunteer to help him?

          • “Tag-Teamin’ with Jimmy coming soon to MTV.

          • The Fish Boz

            Ep. 1 Stacey’s Mom (Pilot)
            Ep. 2 God damn it, Lisa, not again!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Fuck Mountain (hosted by King Shit)

            Sundays on ABC!

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Well…….. not ALL of them. He’s a one butt man.

            FTFY

        • The Fish Boz

          who said anything about mothers? Is that your thing, dude?

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            No. My thing is pretty girls.

          • The Fish Boz
          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Dagon plz! I like pretty girls who are 20 like I am!

          • The Fish Boz

            You’re probably the weirdest pretty girl I’ve seen, with all the dad rock and stuff.

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            I’m a guy.

          • The Fish Boz

            I’m confused.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Hi confused, I’m dad!

          • what a strange fetish

          • Don Henley’s Ego

            Not really. My fetish is girls who I am friends with that are pretty. None of them will ever know that though.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
          • Don Henley’s Ego

            KJU plz! I like girls that are 20 and older!

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Who isn’t into moms?

          • The Fish Boz

            I know I am. I was always attracted to older women rather than nymphs.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Older women>>>>>>>>>>

          • The Fish Boz

            Older rich women >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            I don’t care about the money. Wellfare takes care of that.
            It’s the sack where it counts.

          • The Fish Boz

            I want my wife to be my welfare

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Well you see I can’t exactly get married (the trad way) so that ain’t gonna work.

          • The Fish Boz

            Why?

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Not a member of a church. No one will get married any other way (though it’s possible in theory the percentage is probs around 2%) So very, extremely unlikely.

          • The Fish Boz

            What happened to state regulated “marriage”?

            If it makes you feel any better, I’d marry you. If it would make me a legal citizen of Funland, that is.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            It will be a lot harder for you to marry Beargod in Finland. Last year an initiative for the legalization of gay marriage was passed, but this year another initiative against it will be voted by the Parliament. There’s a big chance that it will pass, cancelling the earlier initiative.

          • The Fish Boz

            Damn.

            No green card, no Finn card. Guess I’m stuck in HUEland.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Well, that means we…
            Gotta go fast!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]
          • damn, funland isn’t keen on dark skin folks OR gay folks? #USAsimilarities

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Funland isn’t keen on anybody.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Except for proud white strong men like Olli Immonen.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Things aren’t going too well. Tapir is not liking it. If I was better at Swedish I could move there.

          • pack up the corgis cause you’re moving in with me!!!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I would have to show my ugly face. Mystery of Le Tapir would die!

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            #ToiletTapirSecretsRevealed

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            I thought gay marriage was pretty much legal in all of Scandinavia. Iceland’s had it for quite some time now, and I think it’s legal in Norway and Sweden. It’s completely legal here in America, but you can only imagine how much that pissed off the right wing religious nuts.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            You know you’re doing something really fucking wrong when America is doing something right before you.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Better than Finland, with your free health care, low crime rates, almost no guns, and almost no gangs. Cause, ‘Murica! Oh, and fuck your having metal bands constantly getting in the top 20. Nyeah!

            (Finland does sound pretty good, outside of having an insanely difficult language)

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Our gun laws got more strict after two school shootings in 2007 and 2008. As far as I know, you can’t get a gun just for self defence. I don’t know too much about our gun laws, but gun related homicides and crimes are low enough that they must be working. I live in a pretty good neighbourhood. There’s really no crime here. Once some random guy came to my yard while I was away, but my neighbour noticed him and drove him away before he could do anything.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Chicago had the same sort of gun laws for quite a while until recently, but of course it still has the most murders of anywhere in America. Not the highest per capita murder rate, but the most. I lived in a pretty nice area, which is rare on the south side, but there were still a lot of gun related crimes just outside of there. I’m glad I got out when I did, and most of my friends there are trying to get out. Thankfully I’m in a good area here, even though there were two shootings (one of them a couple of doors down from me) in a week. Thankfully that’s a rare thing around here.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            If you’re fast we could get married before they pass anti-bear laws (or anti-gay, I always forhet which) and you’d be a full citizen.

          • The Fish Boz

            Anti-gay and anti-bear laws can be quite similar, if you know what I mean.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Weren’t gay marriages supposed to start in 2017?

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            I don’t know. Maybe.

          • i call best man

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Eh, I gave up on relationships over almost 7 years ago, so very unlikely I’ll ever get married. Almost did with my Colombian ex, but that was mostly to keep her here.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Wait, you want your older women to have a ball sack? I’m not gonna judge.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Absolutely.

          • The Fish Boz

            NSFW

            https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ + B6ZGMBBIUAAHiyC.jpg

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            (Page doesn’t exist)

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Copy it all and remove the plus sign.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            GAH!!!!

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Dead link, amigo.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            I can attend to that! Lol, I wish I could’ve seen the reaction on my ex’s face when I broke up with her and told her how I actually spent mom time with her mom while she was away on vacation. Doing it on on a grand piano and a jacuzzi will always be one of my crowning achievements.

          • more beer

            Dude that is an achievment! I’ve certainly done it in jacuzzi’s but never on a grand piano. Nor done one of my chicks moms. But none of their moms were hot enough to bang. I raise my beer to that.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            She kinda looked like Jane Seymour. Lol, I blocked my ex as soon as I broke up with her, and last I checked, my email to her mom and stepdad got her cut off from her little meal ticket. If I could take it all back, all I would’ve changed is not blocking her just to see the response.

          • more beer

            None of my ex’s mom’s looked like Jane Seymore. But duck yea that’s how you gotta roll. No shame in your game!

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Lol, this always comes to mind when I think of that 3 1/2 years.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o70wMlJO3ck

          • more beer

            I’ve had relationships that works for. Eh live and learn.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Eh, I never want one again. Lived and learned long enough to know that it’s not for me.

          • more beer

            Yea Hear that. I’m more a friend with benefits kind of gay. I like to.keep things simple.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Never knew you were gay.

          • more beer

            So I edited that. I’m not. I’m watching something on my laptop with a friend and I’m using my phone. I’m not gay but I am kind of blind.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Haha, I know. Had to bust your balls a bit.

          • more beer

            I know I laughed when I saw your comment. I knew because I’m getting old and can’t see little things.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
        • more beer

          Why not? They have kids they obviously like sex. Mom`s like dick too. As long as their kids don`t start calling him daddy he`s good.

      • Waynecro

        Indeed. Then I can go upstairs, try to wake up my girlfriend and convince her to have sex with me, stumble downstairs in tears when she shoots me down, and eat cookies in shame until the diabetes takes me.

        • The Fish Boz
          • Waynecro

            Thanks! I take plenty of insulin–two kinds! Sometimes I pretend I’m a beloved rock icon shooting drugs or an admired athlete taking steroids. Anything to dull the shame of having such a stupid medical condition.

          • The Fish Boz

            It’s not stupid at all. Type 1 or 2?

          • Waynecro

            Technically, it’s type 2. I got it as a result of an extreme case of pancreatitis that nearly killed me. As I’ve aged, my natural insulin production has plummeted. Now I have to take long-acting insulin in the morning and at night to keep my glucose in check.

          • The Fish Boz

            Do you take the quick-acting ones after meals as well? Sorry if I’m asking too much.

            You’re a survivor, man. Pancreatitis is rough. Congrats.

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, I have to take the quick-acting insulin whenever I eat carbs–sometimes even when I don’t. It’s a drag, man. When I first got the diabetes, I used a really strict diet and exercise to deal with it. I got to the point at which I never had to take insulin. When I hit age 30, I started having high blood sugar again, and intense exercise–which had dropped my blood sugar in the past–started making it spike.

            Thanks, dude. Pancreatitis was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I spent 17 days in the hospital and months recovering. I learned a lot, though, so that’s good.

          • The Fish Boz

            It’s a drag for sure, but a small price to pay considering everything that could have happened back then. Always remember that, man.

            I can’t even imagine what the pain must have felt like.

          • Waynecro

            I was such an asshole back then. I actually waited three days after the pancreatitis hit before I went to the hospital. I thought the excruciating pain that kept making me pass out would just go away on its own (it had before). By the time I got to the hospital, my lungs were about to collapse, and basically my entire endocrine system had shut down. The things I was puking up are indescribable. It was quite an experience.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Thankfully you survived it. I’m amazed I haven’t gotten that after what I call the Dark Ages (drinking about a fifth a day for 3 years, and tons of other shit going on in my life) and overall drinking. I’m actually lucky I have as few medical problems as I do.

          • Waynecro

            I was drinking gallons of booze a week before the pancreatitis. I’m glad you survived your Dark Ages. I strongly recommend that anyone who drinks a lot regularly should become familiar with the symptoms of pancreatitis. Had I been aware of those symptoms, I could have gotten help much earlier.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            From what my dad’s told me, stress and exercise/anything that makes your heart rate go up, shoots up your blood sugar in a hurry.

          • Waynecro

            When you exercise, your body (liver, I think) releases glucose as fuel. If you don’t have enough insulin in your system, that sugar stays in your bloodstream. I used to be able to drop high blood sugar with extreme exercise (heavy lifting, running up stairs in a weighted vest). My body no longer produces enough insulin to use the sugar released when I exercise, so I have to take postworkout insulin.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Hopefully that doesn’t progress into type 1!

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            My dad has type 2, mostly from a constant shift in weight. I have hypoglycemia, but haven’t had problems with that in over a decade. I learned the hard fucking way though!

          • Waynecro

            Going hypo sucks. You feel like a junkie or something. When I was moving recently, I was in the new house when my blood sugar got dangerously low. We only had a few boxes there. Thank goodness one of those boxes had a bottle of corn syrup. I was about to go to a neighbor’s house and ask for a cup of sugar to eat. “Hi, I’m your new neighbor. I’m about to go into a diabetic coma. Can I borrow some sugar, like, right now?”

    • Guacamole Jim

      One glorious night, a friend of mine and I got smashed and played xbox live. When people started yelling at us for not being good enough, we just teamkilled the rest of the game, insulting everyone as we did. Best xbox live session ever.

    • Jejejeje, “Carlos Duti: acvans guórfer”.

    • KJM
      • Waynecro

        I wouldn’t be surprised if that kid’s killed me a bunch of times.

  • Don Henley’s Ego

    I’m off to the Chinese buffet. I’ll be back later.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      A Chinese buffet? That’s not very patriotic, son!

      • Don Henley’s Ego

        They’re the most American of things because it’s not just Chinese food, it’s all kinds of food.

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        What’s on a Finnish buffet? Watched Bizarre Foods and No Reservations about food over there, and the food is weird as fuck.

    • don henley eats just like the common man

    • Rhonda Pearlman

      Jury says: “good eats.”

  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    Good: celebrating my brothers 30th birthday this weekend. I apologize ahead of time for any drugged out OT posts.

    Bad: how sluggish and feeble I am after such a long hiatus from lifting ached

    Ugly. That fucking “debate” last night. And tapir.

    • The Fish Boz

      Your bad could have been my bad this week. Leg day fucking rekt me.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]
      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        Dawwww

        • CyberneticOrganism

          kins

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            He wanted to say the G word, but he doesn’t want to have to toss any change in your Gah Jar.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Hey man, the Gah Jar is going to fund this site for the next several years.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            And help you pay rent on your floating golden castle.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Floating Golden Castle is my favorite Thai place

    • long hiatus from lifting == quick re-gains

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        Yeah, i really havent lost much on my llifts, only my reps

    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      How did that debate turn out? I picture it being about like retards playing wheelchair water polo.

  • CT-12

    Good: Wednesday and Thursday I saw 2 pretty badass concerts, now I can catch up on sleeping. Also, saw a stray cat get rescued (in a sense) today, and Desolate Pathway shared my post from yesterday! (seriously, check those guys out. I know it’s pure cheese and the production might turn some off, but I love those guys. Vince Hempstead from Pagan Altar is their guitarist as well, if that’s any more incentive)

    Bad: Gotta work this weekend, and it doesn’t help my boss has been stressed out to all fuck. I’m also insanely tired but really want to do more “summer shit”. And of course, my Cattle Decapitation pre-order still hasn’t gotten to me, yet I’ve already seen it in stores (don’t even know why I fucking bother to pre-order shit anymore).

    Ugly: My boss’ mood

    • The Fish Boz

      Your post absolutely slayed! I checked it all out today. Thanks for putting it together, somehow all of those releases slipped past my radar last year.

      • CT-12

        Fucking thanks a lot man! It really makes me feel good knowing that you were able to take something from my post, glad I could be of service to you!

        • #moarCT-12articles

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            This is a must!

          • CT-12

            I’ve been working on a few things. I’ve been waiting patiently for some select albums to come out this year to do a 2015 slow-stuff article.

  • GOOD: Started my temp position working from home for a week today.
    BAD & UGLY: The Republican candidates stinking up my city.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      They must have made that whole town smell like God and rhetoric

    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      I like Donald Trump, only in the fact that the idiot is a walking, talking, quixotic sideshow that could even make Palin stand in awe at it’s sheer stupidity. He’s everything wrong with the GOP writ large, but entertaining nonetheless.

  • Jormungandr

    Good: High on Fire in a couple of hours!
    Bad: I have to be up early tomorrow morning.
    Ugly: Me tomorrow morning.

    • KJM

      I’ll be seeing them on the 17th.

    • CT-12

      I saw them 2 days ago, fucking fun night. Pallbearer and Venomous Maximus killed it too, Lucifer were okay.

      • KJM

        Lucifer are okay, but we already have Blood Ceremony and Purson who do the same thing much better.

        • CT-12

          Amen dude.

    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      They put on a good show!

  • Good: I’m moving to my new apartment with my friend on Monday. While I am excited to be living on my own, I’m also nervous and I’m going to miss my family really bad (thankfully they are only an hour away). I’ve also got to get a job so that I can start paying my own rent. Going to try to go for a job at the school or a drugstore. Luckily, I did get my Associate’s Degree before transferring so I do have a leg up on high school scrubs.
    Bad: I’ve had a headache for half the day today that is really shitty. I also have to pack a bunch of shit over the next couple of days.
    Ugly: This pizza. It is not particularly good.

    • CT-12

      You’ll be alright man, enjoy your freedom! Also, I believe you said you enjoy the band Skelator, right? Saw them last night with Slough Feg and they fucking destroyed the place, highly recommended that you see them if you get the chance (and I hardly knew any of their material).

      • I don’t think I’ve ever heard of Skelator. Just a casual glance at their metal encyclopedia page and their album artwork, they seem like something that I’d like. I’ll check them out.

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        I laughed at their name when I first heard them, but damn good stuff! If I’m not mistaken, they’re on that compilation that Metal On Metal Records sent me a few months ago.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      I’m envious xanman, have fun at my old alma mater

    • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

      My life didn’t really began until I moved on my own. Agh, though, working 10- 14 hours a day, commuting an hour to and from work and paying $375 a month for rent on a $5.15 an hour job was a rude awakening. I was about to get $9.50 before I left for Chicago, but decided to leave instead.

  • Vladimir Poutine

    The Good: New Cattle Decap. New(ish) bike on which to terrorize everyone in sight. Made Wraps of Desolation for dinner tonight and they kicked ass. Working on a campaign at work called Ales for ALS, the awesomeness of which is self-evident.

    The Bad: Deadlines. Trying to cut back on caffeine. Diaper rash after a long ride.

    The Ugly: Donald Trump’s hair. My coworkers after the whole office simultaneously did the Ice Bucket Challenge this week. The dude who farted on me on the T.

    • DCLXVI

      You work in advertising?

      • Vladimir Poutine

        Nope (came close once). I work at the ALS Therapy Development Institute.

    • cattle decap is good… if you haven’t heard the newest Abyssal

  • CT-12
  • JW(E)G

    Bonus GOOD thing for the late afternoon:

    The second HMV location had lots of copies of TAE, so I can now get my Cattle Decapitation fix. It’s a very good day when the biggest decision I have to make is whether or not to stop my Death discography run (was in the middle of ‘Human’ when I left the store) early or finish it then import & play the CD.

    I also randomly found a Blu-ray copy of Dog Soldiers (the Scream Factory version). It’s one of the few SF titles that for some obscure rights reason can’t be shipped to Canada by SF itself even for retailers here, so has to go through a different distributor that’s willing to ship from the States to Canada on their behalf and can only do so if it’s specifically requested by a customer (none can just be shipped out for regular stock). Meaning someone ordered it specially, but changed their mind when it came in (too expensive I guess). I, however, know the value of having that film outweighs all but the steepest markup. So I didn’t hesitate at all.

    [The other prominent sort-of-recent BR release by SF with the same issue was Ginger Snaps, which is extra weird because it’s a Canadian film]

  • Bad: A tire blew out on my semi this morning, transforming a 9 hr day into 11 hours.

    Good: I’m going to draw a bubble bath, open a bottle of wine–and blast Barghest.

    Ugly: Barghest

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlyHDT15Hh8

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      What kind of rig do you have?

      • It’s a Ford something or other, owned by the company I drive for. Blowouts automatically equal two hours of waiting on the side of the road for someone to come change out the tire. It’s a kick in the balls at 6:30, first thing in the morning . . .

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Found on road dead

          I have 2 fords

        • more beer

          That sounds about right. My friend who is a long haul trucker calls me all the time when he breaks down. He always has to wait for hours..

          • I spent the time reading Toilet articles on my phone. I kept giggling to myself and my partner who rides with me kept asking what I was laughing at and I kept saying: “You wouldn’t understand . . .”

          • more beer

            At least it was time well spent.

    • Lacertilinger

      I saw you bought that Barghest, it’s good shit eh.

      • Very good. I’ll probably pony-up for the full-length in a few days. I am such a slow learner.

  • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

    Good: Mostly chill week, and got more music interviews lined up for you good folks. PS, I switched over from my KJU name. Wanted to try something new after more than a year of driving that gimmick into the ground.
    Bad: Second shooting around my neighborhood in less than a week. True, I’m used to these things having lived in Chicago for 14 years, but kinda ridiculous for a nice area full of mostly families and a five minute drive from the police station. Also popped a cyst on my back (second one I’ve had) and it was a combo of blood, pus, and something that looked like a combo of ricotta and dick cheese.
    Ugly: Helena Christensen.

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/19/article-0-0005440700000C1D-520_634x897.jpg
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JGKC7IJiKdo/TX6oK41h7gI/AAAAAAAABwE/tPYGotM_psg/s400/helena-christensen-victoria-secret.jpg

    Oh, and Alison Brie, since ‘Community’ has finally been cancelled earlier this week (which I thought happened a long time ago).

    http://kingoftheflatscreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Alison-Brie-Gillian-Jacobs-lingerie3-660×6511.jpg

    • come to St. Louis and shootings won’t become significant…

      • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

        Haha nope! As I’ve said before, been there and through there a number of times, and it’s a dump. Not as bad as Chicago, but since Ferguson, it’s been even worse. Outside of Chicago, I can’t stand the Midwest in general.

  • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich
  • J.R.™

    El good: slew a bunch of goblins
    El bad: goblins burned down the bar
    El ugly: burning bar woke us up from burning slumber. I escaped all right but Zach (red die) got trapped and nearly burned and, upon rescue, got the stuffing beat out of him by goblins. It was great.

    Look at my noble ring, taking on baddies while hung over and exhausted. What a little champion. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/03f218b5871914aaa15a7d70b826cb0578bf744e5592ad7aa665407ac34d1e18.jpg

  • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

    PS, going through my stuff tomorrow and selling it, if anyone’s interested. Details coming soon!

  • EsusMoose

    Good: I worked
    bad: made enough mistakes my first week of work, missed my bus home and then had my right side view fall off 1 hour into a 5 hour drive.
    Ugly: my cat is wanting to conquer the territory next to me (was bitching so I let him in my room to sleep), other cat decided my nose was a good target to scratch