Flush it Friday: “Ode To Small Lumps Of Green Putty I Found On My Hands One Midsummer Morning”

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Another week passes, another scribe scours his life to air his grievances. Will it never end?

I’m a busy man, a man of few words, a man with little noteworthy to say. So let’s skip the chitchat and get to the finish line.

THE BAD-ish: About a year ago, I was minding my own business, working in a small round-welding company. Shoveling metal tubes from one container to another, I started feeling unpleasantness in my hands. Removing my gloves, I noticed my hands were covered in what can be best described as a moss-like eczema. Alright alright, I had noticed it earlier, it didn’t just appear out of nowhere in one night, but I did nothing until it was too late. The first doctor I visited was convinced it was herpes, and gave me cortisone-salve. Which, in case you don’t know, is not recommendable (and hell, if I’m going to believe a doctor who doesn’t know his shit). It wasn’t until I went and visited another doctor, that I was told my infection was more likely a result of an allergic reaction to the chemicals used in preservation and washing of the metal tubes. For one reason or another, tests to determine what I actually had were never made and at the time I was feeling way too bad to demand anything. I got antibiotics, I got better, what reason would I have had to complain? None, until two weeks ago.

When I reserved this FiF spot, it was with a creeping fear. Would I, when the time came, even be able to use a keyboard? Would the next two months be filled with agony, doctor visits I couldn’t afford and sweet, sweet pain? As it turns out, no. As I write this I’m none the wiser, but have twice smote down my enemy with mine hands, from mine hands. It was pretty late to the week when I realized this and I didn’t want to cancel so late, so I guess this is a “yay”- kind of a Flush it Friday.

As it happens, I don’t really have anything to flush anymore. ‘Tis a terrible feeling when you’ve nothing to complain about in the present tense.

THE GOOD: If someone would ask how my life is right now, I’d tell them I’m bored to brink of non-existence. So bored, watching the paint peel off the walls feels like a solid plan for the night. If, however, the same specific one was to present to me a question about how my future looked, I’d have to say “It’s the middle of the night, and I’m wearing sunglasses, how the hell am I supposed to see anything? Go bother someone else, Patrik.”

Honestly though, I’m going to apply to a university to read psychology. While there is a bundle of reasons I have decided against it for now, it has begun to seem that it is inevitable to do it sooner or later and now seems like a solid moment for me. Hopefully come autumn, I’ll be burying my nose into a massive pile of cocaine books.

THE UGLY THE BEAUTIFUL: The beginning of a new life is a beautiful thing, some say. Personally I’ve always thought of people who’ve found anything beautiful in a baby crawling out of its mother’s womb a little on the sick side.

But a new generation of flushers is spawning, from the left and from the right the halls are filled with newborns and pregnant wives. I guess it’s something worth raising you glass to, regardless of whether you are one of the newly-appointed fathers or the cavities of your soul are only visited by the wind, carving you hollow, leaving only pain behind, until you’ve got to fill the holes with something and you reach for the glass *note to self: more beer*

Whatever the case, whoever you are, it could be worse. Have a good weekend.

    • Boss the Ross

      Haha! That’s what i thought.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Karhu in a few days:

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    The good: I’m getting sick.
    The bad: I’m getting sick.
    The ugly: I’m getting sick.

    • Lacertilian

      At least you’re not getting siqqq

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Watch out for those siqqq breakdowns, BRO!

    • The good: You are dying

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Don’t try to cheer me up, bro.

    • You must now get down with the sickness. OH WA AH AH AH!

  • The Good (RFI): I will stop there.

    🙂

    • COAL ROLL

      make it through your first week ok pops?

      • Actually we are almost done with week 2! Time has flown by!

        • COAL ROLL

          Fucking A bro. You working or get some paternity leave?

          • we get 3 days… and I have been working half days. Pretty nice. Going back to “full” time on Monday.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      GL, nicely done. Congratulations.

    • Eliza

      Awww!

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Bear God good luck on your psychological endeavors.

    GOOD:

    https://filmfork-cdn.s3.amazonaws.com/content/allgoodthings.jpg

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Thanks.

    • I think you like this Crowhurst group. Came across it because of the Bleak song which goes hard as fvck!
      https://crowhurst.bandcamp.com/album/bleak-crowhurst-split

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Deuce I am a big Crowhurst fan, I’m gonna check this out.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        The Bleak song did go hard as fuck. I’m digging Crowhurst’s piece too.

  • UGLY: People that say “The beginning of a new life is a beautiful thing” Also, I got the running shits yesterday. Half way through my run after work I started to feel some serious discomfort in my bowels. The last half of my run was a struggle to say the least. There were a couple of moments where I thought I was going to have to run into the woods and relieve myself. Thankfully, I was able to make it back in time to shit in the comfort of my warm bathroom. I lost a lot of weight during that run.

    GOOD: Finally, after about a week of subzero temperatures and ice storms it looks like tomorrow will be above 50 degrees which means time spent outdoors. I’ll finally be able to test out my new running shoes and get some cycling in. Got some new cassettes and vinyl to play as well over a beer and some pecan cookies. I may even record some more drum tracks.

    BAD: A week of shitty temperatures kept me indoors which meant no running. The last couple days I’ve finally got back into the groove of running again but my legs feel all out of whack. It’s amazing what a week off will do to your body. My calves are screaming at me right now.

    • COAL ROLL

      hahaha ” the runs”

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        There is something very poetic when a runner gets the runs….

        • It’s majestic as fuck.

          • One of my runs for marathon running is to carry a sock… just in case you have to shit. That way no matter how wet and sweaty your hands are, you get one REALLY good wipe.

          • Stanley

            What’s wrong with bog roll?

          • I am just saying that you can get a solid wipe with a sock. When you are sweaty as hell, it is hard to get a solid clean wipe. I did not wipe good on my second marathon. It happened at mile 17, by 25 I was waddling due to the residue chaffing.

          • i already wasn’t gonna start running, now i’m gonna not start HARD.

          • Stanley

            Chaffing is the worst.

          • Especially self induced chaffing.

          • Stanley

            Everything to do with running is self induced.

    • Stanley

      I’ve had to go in the woods on an occasion. I typically don’t get GI issues although I know a lot of people that do.

      ToH Tip: When you are running long, pop two imodiums about 30 mins before you start.

  • GOOD: W.’s butt.

    • Dubs

      No it isn’t. There is no junk in my trunk.

      • you’re focusing on the wrong direction. (hint: veritcal)

        • Lacertilian

          Longdubbz

      • I’ll be the judge of that, Dr. Booty PhD.

        • Dubs

          Are you just trying to get me to send you butt selfies?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Shit just got cunting HOT!

          • Dubs

            You wouldn’t be saying that if you saw my totally flat kiester.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Dude, I’m all about man butt of all varieties.

          • Flat is beautiful.

          • Easy to say coming from a pixel guy.

          • My booty was so fly the butt police banished me to the 2nd dimension.

          • Dubs

            I also shave my butt hair. I hope you like hairless butt.

          • Must be easy, since you have no curves.

          • Dubs

            You bet.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Damn it, is this getting even hotter!!

          • I take all kinds. Of butt.

          • Give me your butts.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            You’re an affront to nature.

          • Dubs

            I have hair almost everywhere. May as well keep the sections above my ears and between my navel and thighs hairless.

          • stop I can only get so erect

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            If God had intended man to be hairless he wouldn’t have had it grow so fast.

          • Better start cycling BRO.

          • Pancake buttz

          • I am running out of fresh… material.

        • Boss the Ross
  • COAL ROLL

    G: looks like mailmanbro paid a visit today, can’t wait to get home
    B: I am now in between the first part and the second part of my Q1 work project that ends on April 15th. So I’m gonna be bored AF for the next few weeks and consider this a preemptive apology for any shitposts or other unusual behavior.
    U: My poops tomorrow, tonight is tequila night

    • I’m going to run to the post office right now. I keep forgetting to mail you and SweetTooth stuff.

      • COAL ROLL

        on that note, do you need more inventory?

        • I think I’m stocked up for now.

          • COAL ROLL

            I’m very curious to see how fast they go once you put them up for sale

          • Boss the Ross

            You’re the man.

          • Boss the Ross

            I call dibs on one.

        • /totallysoundslikeadrugdeal

          lolz

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            “inventory” “drugs”

          • PLEASE. No one send beer or drugs to the TovH PO Box. NO ONE.

          • COAL ROLL

            this is not contraband GL

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Achtung!

  • Guacamole Jim

    THE GOOD: My little brother should be here any minute for a visit! We’re going to tear up Santa Cruz like a couple of malandros. Also, I restrung my banjo, so I’ve been really loving playing it again (not having a musical outlet drives me mental after a while).

    THE BAD: Can’t really think of one.. I’m about to make a pot of pasta, crack a beer, and plunk at the banjo until my bro shows up. feelsgoodman.jpg

    THE UGLY: Yesterday something didn’t agree with my system, and that same system tried desperately to get it all out, leading to a very tender butthole. I gotta eat less spicy food.

    • Boss the Ross

      New strings are the best

      • Lacertilian

        Not inmediately though, I dislike the pronounced fret-talk.

        • ….and nickel residue on the fingers.

        • Boss the Ross

          You both make really good points. Damn it.

    • RustyShackleford

      Dude. I’ve always wanted to learn to play banjo! I’m separated from all my electric guitar gear and getting bored with my acoustic, wish I had some other toys haha!

      • Guacamole Jim

        It’s an absolute blast. I’m still a major beginner, but I’m starting to get the hang of the ol clawhammer.

  • Nativian Taco

    Good: Going to hit the open road, and I will be blasting In Solitude.

    Bad: My adapter that allows me to listen to music in my vehicle is fucked up. I have to mess around with the wire to hear both guitars.

    Ugly: FUCK.

    • Stanley

      One guitar is all you need.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6LyWf11nQg

      • Nativian Taco

        One guitar? I can’t hear the guitar solo tho.

        • Stanley

          You don’t need guitar solos when you’re riffing like a lunatic.

          • Boss the Ross

            Truth.

  • The Confusing: where the f__k did TovH O.G.’s go? Elite Extremophile, J.R., God, God the Emperor of Mankind, Xan, Satan, Deputy Dipshit, George Clarke, the list goes on…

    • COAL ROLL

      The Deputy posted in the FB just today I think…

      • I’D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR!

    • Dubs

      The God Emperor is in the Navy and posts periodically when he gets shore leave.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      I’ve never heard of Elite Extremophile, J.R., God the Emperor of Mankind, Xan……

      EDIT: And why the fuck did you censor yourself?

      • from the early days.
        i guess their jobs require them to actually work or something. suckers.

    • God’s telemarketing job was keeping him down awhile back. Surely he must be doing something different now?

    • Lacertilian

      Toilet Ov Illusory Deities.

    • They decided to end it. I respect them for that. Although, Deputy Dipshit is still around.

    • COAL ROLL

      one that I’m glad to not see around here is dEmOnOcRaCy

    • Owlswald

      SMOHLG?

    • EsusMoose

      I feel like I saw Elite Ext a few times on metalsucks (when people post links to streams there) besides that, most of them have been mia

    • DVRKBEVRD

      i thought these were all your alternate accounts.

  • Good: Candiria, Old Wounds and Moontooth show tomorrow night. 40th B-day celebration continues as I will probably not have to pay for a single drink.
    Bad: $2k hospital bill being sent almost 2 years after the fact that I’m going to tell them to fuck off about.
    Ugly: My 10 month old daughter has the shits. Not looking foward to shitty diapers.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Have two new metal beers to try this weekend. Will take ridiculous pictures and review.

    • CyberneticOrganism
    • Guacamole Jim

      Which beers?

    • Boss the Ross

      Yes! I can’t wait.
      I picked this up the other day.
      Independence Brewing Reaper Madness Black IPA

      • That looks like a head, son.

        GL

        • Boss the Ross

          Beer is best served with a head.

          • whoops. I meant to say, “that looks a head ache, son”, lol

          • DVRKBEVRD

            took you long enough

          • Boss the Ross

            Haha! That’s a bit different.
            I usually don’t drink in abundance, so I’ll be good.

    • Is one of them Obituary’s Hopped In Half?

      • Boss the Ross

        Is this real?

          • Boss the Ross

            YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

            MUST FIND.

          • Good luck, the disto is limited. I asked my local liquor store if the could get it and it was not happening. Apparently you have to be a cyborg or live in the midwest to even sniff a taste.

          • Boss the Ross

            Damn, i should’ve known it was 3Floyds, i can’t get any of their beers. Oh well, I’ll just look at pictures.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Affirmative!

    • lol, just everyone

      • FRICKY FICKY FUCK YOU, TOO

    • COAL ROLL

      GL PLZ!!

    • Fashionably late as always, George.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      GL being late as fuck.

      • FUCK YOU.

        • Fuck!

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          FUCK ME? NO, FUCK YOU!

          • FUCKUMARIDER FUCKUMAIDER FUCKUMAIDER

          • Capra Hircus Hubertus

            Fuckumarider?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            GL HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS NEW BAND CALLED GOJIRA? I THINK YOU COULD LIKE IT?

    • COAL ROLL
      • OH HEY LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW TO USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION

        • COAL ROLL

          it’s revolutionary

        • Capra Hircus Hubertus

          I’m guessing it took you half a year to learn how the search function works?

          • DID I GIVE YOU ONE YET?

            FUCK YOU, GOAT.

    • Dubs

      Seriously?

      • I SWEAR I AM GOING TO QUIT THE INTERNET. YOU BIG MEANIE FLAT-BUTTED-LEARNING-DOCTOR

        • HOLD ON WAIT UNTIL 4 MONTHS AFTER EVERYONE ELSE DOES IT

        • Boss the Ross

          Please don’t quit.

    • There was sooo much hype. It was inescapable. Poop!

      • I don’t know… it sounds vicious to me!

        • My terrible taste strikes again. Too much clean and melodic shit happening.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            You fucker!

    • Capra Hircus Hubertus

      How did you miss this? How?

      • GOAT/DOGPILE THIS MAN

      • COAL ROLL

        not sure, this came out WELL before his baby came out

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Rumour has it GL is a bit on the “slow side”, if you catch my drift.

        • NOW THAT IS A PADDLIN’

    • Guacamole Jim
    • Stanley

      Who has this record on vinyl? Mine sucks.

      • COAL ROLL

        I do. It’s warped as fuck.

        • Stanley

          Mine is clicky/crackly AF.

          • COAL ROLL

            I hear that as well, but when I listen to this it’s up so loud that all that goes away. I run my record player through a PA

          • Shit music on shit wax.

          • Dubs

            Me and my hairless bottom disagree with you.

          • I know.

          • Stanley

            I don’t know cos I only played it once (other than streaming it a few times a while back) and it pissed me off too much. I will put this one down in the lose column of my highly technical spreadsheet.

          • Capra Hircus Hubertus

            Hey, stop being wrong

          • COAL ROLL

            them some fightin words from ‘yins

          • Yup.

          • COAL ROLL

            I complained to them because it skated on me once and I was pissed and they said they’re mailing me another.

          • Stanley

            Hmm, maybe I could try this route.

      • Dubs

        Coal Roll said his had a very quiet bass kick. I didn’t notice any problems on cd.

        • COAL ROLL

          that’s probably the only let down for me. I crave that kick in the gut

      • Boss the Ross

        I almost ordered it. Kinda glad i didn’t, hearing all this stuff about it.

        • Stanley

          U R A WIZE MAN, BOSS.

    • Boss the Ross

      Yeah, it’s pretty good.

    • Maik Beninton™

      Even I who hasn’t listened yet, have seen tons of people talking about it.

    • Y’all heard about this “Morbid Angles” band?

      /<3 u GL

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      BATUSHKA ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OTHER BAND FROM SINGER MAN ALSO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
      https://youtu.be/nRjlF5D5lx0

  • Owlswald

    Good: Finally get to test the new sticks, bindings and boots at the mountain on Sunday. Been sitting on them for over about 2 weeks. Also, Barclays credit card customer service. (see below)
    Bad: My credit card number got jacked somehow and a $200 charge from an inmate phone service was charged to my card. At least Barclays has the capability to send text alerts asking to approve potentially suspicious charges and their customer service is on point.
    Ugly: I like the new After the Burial album.. and I feel dirty for it.

    • ooOOOoH new ATB? When did it come out??

      • Dubs

        This week.

      • Owlswald

        I think today but Sumerian being the stingy fuckers they are won’t allow it on streaming sites. AND HEY, YOU’RE NOT LATE!

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Only this week. You’re almost on time GL, who’d have thought.

    • more beer

      So whoever jacked your credit card number will probably get caught. Since they used it pay phone privileges for someone in a correctional facility. Those records are usually pretty well kept and recorded. But stupid criminals are stupid.

      • Owlswald

        Yeah. Considering it was through a legitimate business, I would think it would be easy to trace back to the source.

        • more beer

          Plus they should just check who the inmate is talking to. Seems pretty easy.

  • Stanley

    Good: I spent a week back in Wales visiting the family, school friends and old work buddies. Good times.

    Bad-ish: There are lots of great bitters and pale ales in Wales but they are mostly in the 4-4.5% range and although quite enjoyable, I was planning on going out tonight to find the strongest hop bomb west coast IPA available. Alas, on my travels I have caught the dreaded lurgies and can’t taste or smell anything. It looks like a night in on the couch sans booze is in order.

    Ugly: Colds, man. I never thought I’d say it but I’m down with the sickness.

    • You almost healed yet?

      • Stanley

        My backside?

        • You said you were not running because of an injury.

          • Stanley

            Oh, no. That’s totally fucked. I’m going to be out for a while. No Boston Marathon for me which is a huge pisser because:

            1) I need to do this race.
            2) I pre-paid the hotel at some extortionate rate and it is non-refundable.
            3) Flights are booked and paid for.

            Fuck!!!!!!!!!

          • WOW! Sorry to hear man. Might just turn into a beer drinking vacation? My Dad did the Boston Marathon 6 times come to think of it.

          • Stanley

            Shit. That’s impressive.

            I’ll be able to do it in 2017 as I got another qualifying time when I ran New York last November so all is not lost. I just hope they let me defer my entry so I don’t have to pay another 185 notes.

            I won’t go to Boston this year though. When you start racing (which you should) you’ll find out that going to a race (supporting friends or whatever) and not being able to run is the most depressing thing ever. It’s a total downer.

          • Hopefully this summer I’ll start entering races. I just need to start doing some local events and then work my way up. Looking forward to it. Training by my self is getting sort of boring.

          • Stanley

            I know that you don’t like people and all, but have you tried a running group? I run with the SFRRC on Saturdays for my long runs. It makes the time go by much quicker. 3+ hours by yourself is quite painful even with the bestest of tunes in your lug holes.

          • Nah, I have not. I cycle with a group of people every once in a while. I don’t know anyone that runs though. Guess I’ll have to become outgoing.

          • Stanley
    • RustyShackleford

      I’m a big bitter/english pale man, but when you want a hop bomb you cant settle for any less!!

    • Not sure of the severity of your cold but I found that having a few beers and getting a buzz will serve as a medication.

      • Stanley

        Not sure if beer plays very well with Tylenol but what could go wrong?

        • Tylenol is useless. #IbuprofenLyf

          • Stanley

            I was on the Ibuprofen, but I did a bunch of research and found out that while its good for anti-inflammatory purposes, it slows down the healing process.

          • Lacertilian

            Ibuprofen for inflammation/muscle pain.
            Paracetemol for everything else.

          • Dammit don’t tell me this!

          • Destroys your stomach lining too.

          • Stanley

            Do you need anymore riffs?

        • don’t let big pharm push you around like that

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          After a week of some triangle pill called Ata-something, and beer I have to say: absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong.

        • more beer

          It’s just hell on your liver. But shouldn’t kill you.

        • I just go with the beer and put the Tylenol to the side.

      • RustyShackleford

        When I’m sick but wanna drink, I do Jager shots. Basically Nyquil!

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: A multitude of good concerts are coming here, my new shirt

    Bad: lack of hours at work

    Ugly: Dino Cazares. I’m a fan of Fear Factory but that man is not a pretty sight.

  • Eliza

    Good: Not much.
    Bad: I’m on the verge of catching a cold.
    Ugly: The whether sucks.

    • Lacertilian

      Are you on bandcamp?

      • Boss the Ross

        Last I checked, she isn’t.

        • Lacertilian

          Sounds like she needs to be to remedy the Good: problem.

          • Boss the Ross

            She isn’t able to get an account because you have to purchase something. I tried sending her an album as a gift to help, but she said it didn’t work.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            IN ROMANIA, BAND CAMPS YOU

          • Boss the Ross

            It appears so.

          • Lacertilian

            Hmmm, I got Link an account the same way.
            Gifted him an album via email.

          • Boss the Ross

            Exactly what I did. Maybe she’ll reply to this and we can figure it out.

      • Eliza

        Nope.

  • Sir Tapir The Based
    • Commandant Lassard

      Haven’t listened to Sol Invictus in ages, but might have to remedy that.

  • JWEG

    Good:

    – Migration Fest is closer by a week than it was last #FlushItFriday (funny how that works, huh).

    – The mail came, I received the latest Scream Factory Vincent Price Blu-Ray Collection (vol 3). Have already watched part of it. More this evening.

    – I made way more progress this week on my Thesis Writeup. As I noted last week the “technical” part is coming up this coming week (I plan to start that on Monday).

    – The projected weather for the weekend is a bit gloomy, which is actually a good thing because it will help me focus on the last few amendments of the draft Thesis writeup (mostly citations to ‘pad’ the method section).

    – I finished marking a Assignment from my students within the same day it was submitted. That surprised a bunch of them, in a positive way, since my usual average turn-around is about a week.

    Bad:

    – i didn’t quite make as much Thesis progress as I had intended. Mostly I can only blame myself for a few days where I felt too tired to focus on writing.

    – I’ve been invited via email to a get-together hosted by my cousin. That in itself is fine, but the email had me as “BCC” and the “To” section recipients included a woman that my cousin has more than once tried to set me up with despite having told her two years ago that we have zero chemistry. Apparently I’m the only one of us who feels that way, though, so it persists despite repeated requests she not do it.

    I kind of wish I had a female friend I could enlist in a zany TV-sitcom Fake Girlfriend scheme to try to put an end to it. I think I may just pull the “seeing someone” excuse anyway and hope there aren’t further questions. Granted, that might just go exactly the same way, if the actual TV resolution(s) to that plot has taught me anything.

    Ugly:

    Early this week as a result of a combination of unsanitary computer labs (they don’t disinfect the keyboards more than once a day) and also having an unclean elderly cat at home (I forget to wear gloves when cleaning her litter box as often as I remember them) I developed a rather ugly and uncomfortable paronychia in two not-even adjacent nails. “Fortunately” I get them a lot so I had plenty of unused fucidic acid ointment and hand sanitizer. So they’re pretty much gone already.

  • Commandant Lassard

    The Good: Pretty chill week as usual. Uneventful, really, but chill.
    The bad: Still no KJM.
    The Ugly: Certainly not Dave Grohl! No sirree Bob!

    http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/14000/Dave-Grohl–14247.jpg

    • Maik Beninton™

      What happened to KJM?

      • Commandant Lassard

        I have no idea.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        I believe we’ve already had this disqussion here. Many times, in fact.

    • KJM is fishing, he’s still available via twitter and e-mail

      • Commandant Lassard

        I don’t have his email, and the only time I’ve bothered even looking at Twitter is when I was reading Kanye West’s epic meltdown/short circuited rants and raves on there.

    • more beer

      The definition of fucked up from the neck up. Here read this.http://thehardtimes.net/2016/02/17/desperate-dave-grohl-interviews-himself/

      • Commandant Lassard

        LMAO at this article and the one about him giving a fan a 45 minute back rub.

        • more beer

          Yea that site is amusing.

      • DVRKBEVRD

        tore up from the floor up

  • RustyShackleford

    GOOD: Not much to do this weekend, definitely gonna relax.

    BAD: I fucking wrecked my car on Wednesday, so sorta relying on homies to drive me around/loan me their ride till i can get mine fixed.

    UGLY: had a pipe freeze and break in our house last week. Got it fixed but then had some water pressure problems and whatever. Almost done now, but let’s just say I definitely missed some shower days this week lol. STANKY!

    Thank god this week is over! Yup!

    • Boss the Ross

      Damn, sorry to hear about your car.

      • RustyShackleford

        It’s alright. Icy roads are a bitch!

    • COAL ROLL

      that’s a heaping pile of shit if I’ve ever heard it

    • Stanley

      Ouch.

  • Capra Hircus Hubertus

    NOTHING HAPPENED THIS WEEK

    GOOD: Deadpool was good and funny. getting REKT in XCom 2. Also I’ve got a week off, wherein I’ll be doing all sorts of interesting, exciting things like refreshing Facebook and masturbating.
    BAD: Stuff
    Refresh for Goats

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      >Deadpool
      >Good
      You can only choose one.

    • Some guy at work asked me what Deadpool was today, I told him I did not know.

      Thanks for pointing yet another reason how blatantly clueless I am, Goat.

    • DVRKBEVRD

      xcom is the jam, yo.

      the board game adaptation is good too

  • Boss the Ross

    Good: Plenty of new music to jam.
    Good: Plenty of good beer to drink.
    Good: Plenty of fine folk to talk to on the toilet.

  • Lacertilian

    Hey Bear, guess you haven’t been able to thump the bass lately much either, maybe when you are able to again your boredom will cease?
    Good: Mrs Lizard had her final ultrasound and it appears we will have a male if everything goes well.
    Bad: Males.
    Ugly: I have an all-day drinking cricket event on tomorrow, we are supposedly going to be playing 3 games in one day. Monday is going to be rough.

    • COAL ROLL

      get it in before your dude comes

      • Lacertilian

        Get what in?

        • Lacertilian

          If you’re implying sex, she made me promise to still “get it in” after childbirth. I will hold her to that.

          • COAL ROLL

            the all day drinking events I mean.

          • Lacertilian

            “cricket” will ensue after the birth too.

    • CONGRATS

    • Boss the Ross

      Congratulations!

      That’s a lot of cricket

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      The Toilet is overflowing with semen.

      • eeeeew

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          Did you ever get the encounter in fallout 2 with the homeless people attacking farmers?

          • Yknow I don’t think I ever did. I’m due for a replay

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I decided to have a little go on fallout 2 after buying it for £2 in a sale. A ‘little go’ that lasted until it was 3 o’clock in the morning and I should have eaten hours ago.

          • Uhhhhhhh… Maybe I shouldn’t revisit that game.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Your friends will never see you again. But then maybe it’s just me, because I tend to get really autistically obsessed with games I enjoyed. Fuck, the 4 months when my computer was broken was the most productive time of my life.

          • I have so, so much work to do today but now I just wanna play FO2. You are a bastard man.

      • Owlswald

        Yep.

        • DVRKBEVRD

          this guy is probably rich as fuck with a hot ass wife

          • Boss the Ross

            Most definitely.

      • COAL ROLL

        like in nature, only the strongest specimens reproduce

        • more beer

          I am going too disagree. As I have seen pretty much the worst that the gene pool has to offer. Be able to reproduce.

          • Commandant Lassard

            Peopleofwalmart.com is proof that the gene pool is definitely in need of some chlorine.

      • Commandant Lassard
      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        Well then flush it when you’re done waxing the dolphin into it.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Congrats once again on your upcoming spawning. I still can’t believe you’re looking forward to it.
      Cricket>>>>>, still don’t know what the game is about, but beer tents.
      Not a lot of playing yeah, maybe soon. Maybe soon.

      • Lacertilian

        Is there anything more misanthropic than making the population suffer the plight of more humans?

        • Vault Dweller

          I never thought of it like that… But no, I don’t think there is!

          • Lacertilian

            I’m clutching straws here man.

  • EsusMoose

    Good: I bought guitar picks for the first time in years (I’ve usually ran with 2mm ones which seem to be eternal) so I went with a mix of stuff I wanted to try and so far happy with the results. Going to attempt to make some burgers on the stove. Arm is seemingly feeling better, so better try to see if I can’t make it hurt again.
    Bad: Nothing
    Ugly: My ps3 controllers after I attempt to start playing dark souls 2 again.

    • Lacertilian

      2mm???
      I forgot you played bass.

      • EsusMoose

        Yeah, I for some reason first started using 3mm, went to 2 then eventually found that around 1-1.5mm is my sweet spot. I have also started trying to incorporate my fingers again into my playing, build those calluses and timing back up.

        • Lacertilian

          I think if I played bass from the start I’d use my fingers but having played guitar for so long it’s natural to just use a pick.
          These are my choice – .88mm Brains (rfi)
          So fucking grippy, you never drop them.

          • EsusMoose

            I probably should try a grippy pick sometime, I find fingers are easier for most things besides speed. My fingers are the chubby slobs who sucked at running in grade school of fingers

          • Lacertilian

            I think the orange coloured ones are 1.15mm.
            I tried the grey 1mm ones but they were a little clunky for what I wanted to play.
            A friend and I on a particularly drunken/stoned jam session wrote a dumb death metal song called ‘Black Brain’ dedicated to these picks.

          • EsusMoose

            As any drunk/stoned jam would. I know my drunk jams have sometimes made some fun things to play. Sadly I forget them as I’m too lazy to record them

          • Lacertilian

            We went 3rds in a little Tascam 4-track and just hit record at the start of a jam, then later on when we were even more fucked up we’d chuck on the recording and skip around to find/edit out the worthwhile bits.
            Having that kind of time is something I miss.

          • EsusMoose

            Well you’ll soon have a little lizard to teach the ways of googling context appropriate lizard pictures for all occasions, and that is worth that time.

          • Lacertilian

            I don’t google them, I have a folder labelled ‘Lizards’, similar to Dubz ‘Dong’ folder, except I’ll have an easier time explaining that one to my wife.

          • EsusMoose

            Haha, it’d be easy for Dubs to explain his dongs, he’d just have to shown them off and the lizard pictures had to come from some source or you just have a mountain of lizard sized objects and a slightly strange obsession of treating lizards like barbie dolls.

          • Lacertilian

            “I have a guy”.

          • BobLoblaw

            Give it time and the muscle memory (speed/dexterity) will get there. My pinky is still being lazy but its catching up.

        • Maik Beninton™

          I use 1mm too.

    • COAL ROLL

      I’ve been trying to clean up my chops and have been using these picks that have a little pyramid on the business end…it’s helped a lot getting my alternate picking back in order

      • EsusMoose

        I think I wanted to get one like that but as I bought things through amazon I couldn’t find a suitable option so I threw it into things to eventually get. I don’t want to discuss how poor my alternative picking is, one huge thing I need to work on

  • Waynecro

    Good: Season two of Forged in Fire on the History Channel.
    Bad: Some voice actors we had lined up to do voices for our cartoon quit because the cartoon is too offensive. Look, if you don’t understand why naming a character who’s the head of hell’s legal department Vinny the Lying Rapist is funny, there’s just no hope for you.
    Ugly: Lifting through the migraines.

  • JWEG

    Another Good, but not having any immediate gratification.

    I just found out Red Fang will be playing in Victoria near the end of April. It’s slightly awkwardly going to be in the middle of the week (Wednesday the 22nd), but that might actually be a really good coincidence.

    …If I can schedule it that way, myself, I was hoping early that week would be when I have my Thesis defense. So I might seriously have no reason not to go and blow off a ton of pent-up stress and energy – I don’t think anyone would blame me for just sleeping through the rest of the week anyway.

    [Edit] No idea why the line breaks were all chopped up on this post. Fixed, I think (?)

  • Stanley

    Another good: Season 2 of The Returned (Les Revenants) is on Netflix. The first season was quality.

  • Bad: Ghosting is becoming such a thing that big-time publications are writing about it (i.e. New York Times)
    Good: if i’m going to live in a world where i may be ghosted at any moment, that pretty much gives me permission to do the same.
    Bad: the cycle is just going to perpetuate until…
    Good: RIP humanity

    • Waynecro
    • Lacertilian
      • Lacertilian

        Also, what is ghosting?
        Is it like astro-turfing?

        • EsusMoose

          I guess it’s when you date and then cut off contact completely. I just googled it because I had never heard of the term

        • they’re one in the same.
          mcnulty: “it was great meeting you! let’s hang again sometime”
          girl: …
          girl: …

        • DVRKBEVRD

          i thought we were still https://youtu.be/C44SE0bzxq8

      • Owlswald

        I still love this album as well as A Great Artist. Too bad the vocalist was terrible live.

        • Lacertilian

          Agreed, I think one of Rob’s problems seemed to be going all out, all the time. His style would have been abrasive as fuck on the throat for one night, let alone whole tours. He seemed to bring everything to the table.

    • more beer

      Humanity has been fucked for an awfully long time. This is just one more thing to add, to an already long list of fucked up things people do.

      • glad to see you around again!

        • more beer

          It was just a hectic week a lot of work.

    • Commandant Lassard

      And Ghost Bath just signed with Nuclear Blast.

      • DVRKBEVRD

        go figure

        • Commandant Lassard

          Go figure that a magnificent band like that signs with one of the largest, if not THE largest, metal label on Earth? Yep!

    • DVRKBEVRD

      NY Times <<<<<<<<<<

    • Count_Breznak

      There was never a time when “ghosting” wasn’t a thing. But now it got a flashy name.

      • one of the articles i happened to read spoke about how technology makes people less brave with social interactions. why confront a person and tell him/her that you’re finished, when you can just stop answering texts and find the next victim so easily (like via tinder)

  • DVRKBEVRD

    as someone who has routinely (and not safely, usually) worked with harsh chemicals his entire adult life, i 100% identify with your story (boo, hiss). my hands are a nightmare. glad yours have improved.

    good: records in, two days off work and i plan to enjoy them. cigarette free (against all predictions), and i havent had any sweet drinks of the gods this week

    bad: beer is so beautiful. its going to be 65F this weekend. tapir.

    nugly: lets get lifteeeeed
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/Hy9FU7i9TEQcU/giphy.gif

    • Lacertilian

      is that SAAAMSON?

      • DVRKBEVRD

        FLY ME TO THA MOOOON

  • Commandant Lassard
    • DVRKBEVRD

      IN RUSSIA, CAR TABLES YOU

      • Commandant Lassard

        Getting run over = ain’t that just wacky?

    • DVRKBEVRD

      the more times i watch this, the more i believe the guy in the vest is about to piss on this car

  • Commandant Lassard
  • Commandant Lassard

    Comment of the day, courtesy of the Cookie Monster on Blabbermouth:

    “She’s a very talented guitarist; let me quote ” legend has it that if you set sail to the twin mountains beyond the acne ridden barren warts and the lacertine forest of misty farts, battle the queefing gaping monster and its unshaved darts, tongue-punch your way along her poop chute to clean the landslides on the fountains of her asspipe, once you’re done, behold traveller and remember, that the ass-crack you attack is the black track on her back, follow your highway to hell, dip your meat stick in her truffle butter nectar, only then will you discover the secret to her might that shook her up all night; a tight hole lotta rosie Young Angus stuck between her buttcheeks, ready to fight or flight.” – Grimoire of Balls and Turd Falls”

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    GUT: I just discovered Savages. Fuck, this rules. A few tracks in and I instantly love “Adore Life”. Getting over my cold. Nothing major or interesting as usual. I drank like four Motto sparkling matcha teas. The caffeine has me in a weird buzzed-like state.

    MAL: I still don’t have a vehicle. Or enough money for one. I need one in order to get a different job and do stuff. A person I used to play hockey with and against offed themselves. Concussions and girlfriend problems aren’t the best mix. Poor dude.

    UGMO: I had a long “reflecting” shower today. I realize that I have no close friendships left. Too much dependency on my parents. Have never had a meaningful relationship with a girl (as in more than a month). I haven’t done anything to change my void of a social life. I have a lot of misdirected anger and I have a lot of directed anger. On some level I’m still hung up on things I buried and never fully acknowledged in a cowardly way to cope with loss, nor do I think it will change anytime soon. I hate feeling or appearing vulnerable. I don’t know how to approach girls, or people I want to be friends with. Part of me wants nothing to due with that shit partially out of laziness, partially out of fear, as I am afraid to be human. I have a lot of creativity, but lack the ambition to make it happen. I lack ambition in general. All this woe-is-me shit said, I don’t have it as bad as a majority of the world, and I’m grateful for that, but I still feel like I have a few thorns in my paw.

    Also; embarrassingly and semi-anonymously venting on a Toilet blog while on a caffeine high.

    • Commandant Lassard

      Damn, sorry to hear about your friend. 🙁

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        I didn’t know him well enough to be a friend, but still feels sad. I guess he had a history of concussions, and from what I’ve read recently, those can lead to a susceptibility to depression and mental issues.

    • hanging with us turds = the solution to all life’s problems!
      #realtalk: you make us laugh all the fucking time. why do you think it’d be any different with girls?

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        I’m guessing girls don’t have the same bleak and perverted sense of humor we of the Toilet seem to have.

        Plus aside from humor, girls look for men who can provide. I have no job, no car, no home of my own, and not exactly trophy husband material. lol

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Good: I’ve been making an effort to recover my joy at “serious” cinema, and have in the past week odd enjoyed Tetsuo: Body Hammer, The Adventures of Electric Rod Boy, Vital, Upstream Colour and A Serious Man. All of which have done a good job of drawing me back from my morass of kung fu, pinkus and horror rarities for the sake of their rarity. Hopefully I can keep it up. Also am presently enjoying evening Bells and Gorguts.

    Bad: Network was down at work for much of this week at work, forcing more manual and often tedious work. And things are inexorably moving towards big change in our workplace, big change to our physical space and the stuff we hold, with harder, more hectic work and the obscure joy of the place leaking away. Even when we got things working again, there’s still a shadow descended. Meh.

    • Commandant Lassard

      Body Hammer was decent. Nowhere as good as Tetsuo The Iron Man though. IIRC, I think there’s a third one in the series.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Yeah, it was a fun time. But suffered from the more conventional visual and storytelling approach producing an expectation of more conventionally satisfying gore and weirdness action, which it didn’t quite deliver. I’d maybe give it a strong 6 or low 7/10, compared to the original’s strong 9. The third one is called The Bullet Man, I’ve yet to see it though. Was half planning on watching another Shinya Tsukamoto film this evening actually, Kotoko, but it seems to be a serious and disturbing mental illness deal and I’m not really in the mood.

  • tigeraid

    The Good: The hilarious abortion of a fight that is Shamrock/Gracie III is going down shortly. Damned if I’m not roped in. (No spoilers, watching it in the morning!!!)

    The Bad: I have to help my dingus metalhead friend move tomorrow, because of COURSE you would move in the middle of February in Canada.

    The Ugly: Kanye West covering Bohemian Rhapsody. You know what, pretty much anything Kanye West.

    • Commandant Lassard

      See the video of Kimbo Slice screaming about his opponent’s testicles and threatening to whip his own out?

      • tigeraid

        DIRECTLY INTO THE FACE OF UFC HALL OF FAMER ROYCE GRACIE. If I was Uncle Royce I would’ve pulled guard right onto that fucking stage and broke his arm with a kimura.

      • Guppusmaximus

        Just some good ‘ole fashioned she-it tawkin. Their taking a cue from their parent company, that’s all:)

    • Boss the Ross

      I’m helping a buddy move this weekend as well. Though not in Canada

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Kanye west <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<