Flush it Friday: It’s Cold as Shit

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s colder than shit outside. This is unacceptable.

I live in Texas. There is an implicit agreement between me and the state that I will endure 9 months of inhumane heat and swamp ass in exchange for a very mild winter. Something has gone horribly wrong. It is currently 25 degrees Fahrenheit in Austin and I’m not sure if this city will survive the night. There are a whole bunch of animals in my living room that don’t understand why the Sky God is punishing them for trying to poop outside. Frankly, this is tyranny, and the freezing cold goes against all of my deeply-held Libertarian principles.

While I burn my belongings in a trash can to stay warm, you guys are free to talk amongst yourselves in the comments. As always, thank you for your continued support of this particular e-Toilet. We’ll see you tomorrow.

 

Written by:

Published on: January 6, 2017

Filled Under: Open Swim

Views: 961

Tags: ,

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    At least when your city fails to survive, you’ll have some nice fresh meat right there in your living room to keep you going

  • more beer

    It is 28 degrees here right now. Which is like a heatwave. After the last few days with temps hovering around 0. Plus the 8 inches of snow we got on Wednesday.

  • Shakes 999

    And you don’t even get the snow that comes from the miserable cold! Everyone is already driving like a asshole 3 hours north.

  • tigeraid

    I see you’ve got our snow. It passed us by, but it’s still -12 here.

    The Good: The furnace is fixed and running well, so the house is somewhat warm just in time for January.
    The Bad: Now that I’m skinny, I’m cold all the time. All. The. Time. Fuck this.
    The Ugly: I have to work tomorrow fuck the world. I might even listen to grind tonight.

  • Joaquin Stick

    Excited to hear that Khemmis’ show at Saint Vitus is sold out next week. Can’t wait for that.

    This weekend is a dud though. I got one of those Google Home things, so I’ll probably spend a few hours talking to a robot at least.

    • more beer

      Khemmis is excellent live.. I have seen them a few times. It is always nice to see a local band doing well.

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      WHY NO LOVE FOR THOU AT ST VITUS THREE NIGHT RUN STARTING TONITE

      • Joaquin Stick

        I wish I actually lived anywhere near there. It’s costing my a small fortune to get there and stay they night. They have so many good shows.

        • Brutalist_Receptacle

          I DONT EVEN LIVE IN NY
          BUT THOU!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Salome>>>>>>>thou

  • sweetooth0

    -4 degrees C, that ain’t cold. You can get by in just a hoody in that. It’s -26 degrees C (-14.8 F) with the windchill here right now. And even that isn’t that cold compared to what can hit us when we have a cold spell.

    • Joaquin Stick
    • Correction: YOU can get by in just a hoody in that. I would die, either from the elements or suicide.

      • sweetooth0

        ha ha ha, awesome!

      • KyleJMcBride

        That’s cold even by Boston standards. It’s 31F here now and I’m wearing a Winter jacket when I go out.

      • GoatForest

        It’s cold as Hel here in Louisiana, too. I feel you.

    • KyleJMcBride

      Where do you live, Antarctica? Siberia? Or just Minnesota?

      • sweetooth0

        Saskatchewan

        • KyleJMcBride

          That would explain it. Even Minnesota Winter is a walk in the park in comparison.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          That’s not a real place. Or even a word for that matter.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Oh hey Jefe, you never guess which album I ordered a copy of.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            BLIND GUARDIAN?!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Close (I already own Somewhere Far Beyond – Imaginations and Nightfall are on my soon-to-buy list), but it’s actually this one:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kymf6m4sVWM

          • Black Unbeard

            by far their best album.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Oh yeah, by a long shot. Khan puts down what’s probably one of the most impressive vocal performances in the history of metal.

          • Black Unbeard

            ive grown to like the new guy tho. he even looks like a young roy khan. and khans a christian sellout now anyhow

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Yeah it’s almost heartbreaking to see talent like Khan go to waste ’cause he decides to go all “God Saves” on our ass.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            POWEEEERR MERRROOOOOLL!!!!!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Power metal or not, the composition of the music on albums like Imaginations from the Other Side, The Black Halo, Burnt Offerings…is top notch. There’s a great amount of detail and creativity plus a keen ear for sonic atmosphere that’s been put into the making of these albums.

            SADLY enough, those albums remain the exception to the post-1990 power metal rule.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I’ll take it! Glad you’re finally coming around, haha

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Credit must be given when it’s due. And there basically is only one metal subgenre where I think it’s all garbage: deathcore.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            hahaha!

          • tigeraid

            Black Halo is fucking great.

          • KyleJMcBride

            Obviously. This is “Canada” we’re talking about here. I’ve been there and I’m not sure it’s real.

          • Black Unbeard

            Im just a dumb redneck, ive been to canada, but im pretty sure its a govt conspiracy

          • KyleJMcBride

            I camped out in Ontario for 2 months when I was a kid.

          • Óðinn

            It’s the Canadian equivalent to a flyover state. Borders on Montana and North Dakota.

          • sweetooth0

            Oh it’s real. All too real…

          • Óðinn
        • more beer

          I give you mad props. For going to more shows than most of the people here. Since you live in one of the places with the least shows!

          • sweetooth0

            We get more than you’d think, but have always had a pretty healthy underground grind scene here, it just took me until I was in my twenties to find out about it. Sadly, my days of going to smaller shows need to come to an end because I’ve decided this is the year I must sober up and get my life together, kinda been royally fucking up for the last couple years. Also, really want to do a big fest, and the only way I can afford it is to stop going to see bands I’ve seen a ton of times and spending a bunch of money in the process. Ha!

          • more beer

            I know what you are saying. I have my life together enough. That I don’t need to sober up. I haven’t drank everyday in years. I only tend to throw them back when I go out. The not going to smaller shows thing is hard. There is the whole stay home and be bored or go see this band I have seen numerous times factor. I tend to end up going out to the small show. Plus there are all of the social aspects. Kicking it with your friends and all of that.

          • sweetooth0

            never been an everyday drinker, but my weekends have been getting to the 3-400 dollar expense range which is just not something a person can keep up unless you’re loaded (with cash, ha ha). Time to adult up and take care of some debts.

          • more beer

            My weekends get pricey too. I work my ass off to afford this lifestyle though. I have said it numerous times. Being a metal head isn’t cheap. But yea yoou gotta take care of your debt.

  • JWG79

    Good, Also Metal:

    https://twitter.com/JWEG79/status/817194191478366211

    Put it on briefly yesterday just for photographic evidence. Wearing it all day today though.

    Bad: I’ve been sick since mid-December. Possibly just a flu, but some maybe-related-maybe-not red welts on my leg and torso have my GP also thinking possible low-level MRSA (fuck).

    Blood test will determine if it’s as bad, though. Meanwhile I’ve also had a series of headaches and dizzy spells that feel distressingly familiar neurologically. It’s kind of disturbing on its own that my best hope is they’re related to whatever is the cause of the former concerns, and not that Other Thing Which It Could Be. I do not want or need another hiatus from Thesis work (planned this month & February).

    Getting the Blizzard At Sea stuff reminded me that I have two more outstanding Metal-related Kickstarter things yet to get. One I understand because it’s still being recorded. The other was released back in like August on Bandcamp, I live in the same g.d. town as the band that made it, and one of them even reached out on Facebook a few months back jut to get my home mail address; which I only give out on the assumption that things will be delivered to it, not just so random people can have it recorded somewhere.

    Ugly:
    – U.S. Politics
    – Canadian Politics if the Trumpkin faux-populist Conservative Party leadership hopefuls (both the confirmed one and the speculated late entrant) aren’t set adrift on a fucking Iceberg A.S.A.P.

    • Joaquin Stick

      Oh dang Blizzard at Sea has new music out? I somehow missed that completely.

      • JWG79

        It came out early in December, though I had both email notifications set for bandcamp artists I’ve previously bought and emails from Kickstarter whenever the band provided Updates, and I still missed the release date by a week and a half.

        I’ve gifted it at least once through #metalbandcampgiftclub already. But I’m only going by the usual “gift what’s in a person’s wishlist” method. Would be lots more if I just gave what I felt like.

    • Óðinn
  • Maik Beninton™
  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Bad: those new awful Suicide Silence and Darkest Hour songs. The Darkest Hour one is bad enough, but the new Suicide Silence really takes the fucking cake…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8c7U5pyKh0E

      • Owlswald

        I didn’t think the D.H. songs were that bad. They’ll at least make me check out the album.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          I never really got into the band. Always found them rather bland. I thought the new song had way too much of a genericore feel. That’s just me though.

    • Angelic Process. Nice.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Not easy to find for a reasonable price nowadays.

        • And yet it’s probably the easiest of their releases to find, I’d imagine.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            It’s surprisingly hard to find compared to Coma Waering. A Dutch label re-released Coma Waering on cd and vinyl again some time ago and especially the cd version is cheap as shit.

          • What label?

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Burning World Records. They also have Weighing Souls…on vinyl for a solid price. It’s the cd version that’s a pain in the ass to find.

  • Black Unbeard

    Its finally snowing a little bit in the mountains, which is about 2 months too late. The new Governor Lord Snowflake has ironically declared a state of emergency, and the eastern part of the state is slated to get more snow than us. Its been about 5 or 6 years since weve had an actual winter here. We get a quarter inch of snow and these goddamned Floridiots and South Carolinians have caused traffic problems everywhere.

    • KyleJMcBride

      You can have the 6″ coming here tomorrow if you like.

      • Black Unbeard

        theyre saying we still might get 8″ or so but we arent very high up here. we’ll still get more than them down in the valley

    • Black Unbeard

      To top this all of NOT ONE SINGLE VINYL arrived today so Im not snowed in with new music.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Soon I shall be able to call myself Unblack Beard

      • Black Unbeard

        I DONT GET IT

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          Gf wants to see what I look like with a beard so I haven’t shaved since Christmas. Can’t exactly call it a beard yet but it’s getting there

          • Black Unbeard

            Good luck! try not to grow it out for two years then get pissed off and shave it all off and look stupid for a month

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            It will almost complete the trve hipster look when combined with the shaved sides that I DEFINITELY DIDN’T DO TO HIDE A RECEDING HAIRLINE. I’ll just need ear stretchers and an expensive vape collection to finish it off.

          • Black Unbeard

            ….how does shaving the sides hide a receding hairline

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Because it’s only receding at the sides

          • Owlswald

            I grew mine out for a couple months once and my wife hated it for the first 3 weeks or so. I also quickly learned I couldn’t grow any of the necessary connections between facial quadrants and was sporting a legit neckbeard.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Mine is more of a chinstrap with some wispy bullshit on the actual beard bits currently.

          • Óðinn

            Maybe you could take it really seriously and get obsessive about it, get into competitive bearding like Jack Passion. But only if you really want to annoy your girlfriend.

            https://youtu.be/G7y5p9RUS00

    • Óðinn

      You must be glad to be rid of Pat McCrory though.

      • Black Unbeard

        uhhh why?

        • Óðinn

          Terrible governor. He was a hand-puppet for Duke Energy, more interested in where people go to the bathroom and stopping abortions with petty regulations than punishing polluters who raped NC’s environment. He put conspiracy theorist, science denier and creationist, John Skvarla, in charge of natural resources and the environment. He’s a Christian culture warrior. He refused to concede election for a long time after it was clear he had lost, and then passed laws that would allow Republicans to hold onto power once he could no longer contest election results.

          • Black Unbeard

            ok. so pretty much all this is lefty bias. and i will say my stance on mccrory is a 180 change from last year. first of all, mccrory singlehandedly saved NCs economy after a century in democrat control. anyone who lives in NC and believes otherwise didnt grow up here.

            secondly, HB2 was put forth by state legislature, not mccrory. in fact, mccrory fought a good deal of HB2. cooper refused rewrites of HB2 to keep it an election issue, while not doing his job as attorney general.

            the last point is especially hard for libs to understand, as they are so good at doing this but mccrory was ahead the entire election day until 90000 ( yes the number is correct) absentee ballots mysteriously showed at 11PM election night from ONE COUNTY. and that county had a miraculous near 80% voter turnout. on top of that the vote count was still less than 100 ahead. i would have called for a recount.

            do you know how many states have laws more restrictive than HB2? HB2 was a political agenda, by passing a law which is illegal in north carolina, crocked up by liberals in Charlotte (mccrorys former mayoral city).

            its ok though, because we dont have to worry about democrats wrecking our economy with the state in rep hands. and it wont be half as corrupt.

            you realize that cooper was only sworn in less than 72 hours before he proposed a 6billion dollar tax?

          • Black Unbeard

            oh yeah. i missed one other lib lie about the duke coal ash thing. reports are out now that show the contaminated drinking water isnt from the plant at all but is naturally occuring. turns out big bad Duke Energy is STILL going to subsidize money to those families despite not causing the problem. the whole coal ash thing was a big drummed up PROVEN lefty hoax

          • more beer

            Stand up for what is right. Fuck what all of these communist fucks have to say. Be a proud American and handle you business as such!

          • Óðinn

            Interesting that you’ve had a change of heart politically, although that is your right. And there is evidence to make your argument on the economy at least partially valid.

            I do disagree regarding HB2 though. McCrory signed it the very same day that it was rushed through the legislature.

            He made a “special appointment” to the wife of his Chief of Staff for a 6-year term at $127,000 per year but too away the ability for the new Governor to hire 1,000+ positions. The Senate voted to make it more difficult for legal cases to reach the supreme court knowing that a majority of the Justices could be Democratic appointees, made the new Governor’s cabinet nominees subject to passing a Republican supermajority in the Senate. They all did this during a special session, costing taxpayers money. This is banana-republic type nonsense.

            McCrory refused to concede the election in hopes that the election results would be de-legitimized, in which case the state legislature would have the ability to select the winner. McCrory has been making claims of voter fraud for years now. Enacting voter ID and other voter suppression techniques in areas where African Americans live (reducing polling stations). Even the Republican-controlled election boards didn’t believe McCrory’s claims of election fraud.

            As far as McRory’s record on the environment goes, his past history with Duke energy and his refusal to adequately punish polluters is well-known.

  • sweetooth0

    BAD and UGLY: Well, decided to get back into the gym after slacking off all last year. Finally put some batteries into the scale, and to my horror discovered I’ve gotten as fat as I was in high school! 280lbs of pure filth. Ugh. Looks like no more junk food binges and 20 beer Friday evenings for this guy for a good long while…

    GOOD: The new Agathocles/G.O.D. split should be arriving in the mail soon. I finally received my Lurker of Chalice hoody that I pre-ordered a couple days ago and it fits awesome (I’m very particular about how I want my hoodies to fit). I wish the print on the back was as big as it looked on the Devout bandcamp page, but it’s still cool.

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      FVCK YEAH MINCECORE

      • sweetooth0

        very happy too cuz the label putting it out is Canadian, so I got it cheap

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      That lurker of chalice hoodie looked sick, not as much as the cd boxset that sold out instantly tho

      • RJA

        There was a lurker of chalice box set? Missed out on that – its like they don’t want anyone to actually own it!

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          It was a Leviathan box set of all their CDs, not lurker of chalice. I guess I got mixed up because they were on the same bandcamp.

          • RJA

            Well I would have wanted that too!

      • sweetooth0

        I already had all of the CD’s from when Moribund first put them out except one though, so the CD Box didn’t hold much appeal for me.

    • Óðinn
      • sweetooth0

        that’s the one. Unfortunately the print does not fill the whole back like that. THen again, I did get it in 2XL, maybe it does on a small.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm
  • Owlswald

    GOOD: Staying at Mt. Hood tomorrow night and the forecast calls for 8-12″ of new snow. This year has been unparalleled in terms of snowfall and it looks like it will continue. Should be an awesome weekend of shredding and chances are good that my weekend trip to Mt. Bachelor in Bend later this month will also be epic.

    BAD: That same forecast is calling for 1-2″ of snow in PDX with an inch of freezing rain and ice to follow Saturday night. For those who are unaware, that much snow will break the city alone and cause a complete traffic meltdown (no one knows how to drive and the city isn’t equipped for any sort of winter precipitation) but then you throw ice on top of it and it’s pure Armageddon. I’m not looking forward to chipping my car out on Sunday when I return.

    UGLY: New Dodecahedron track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCvoDGrvVWQ

  • We’re looking at a second ‘Snowpocalypse’ here in Atlanta, which is when a major city in the south cannot handle 2 inches of snowfall.
    http://pix11.com/2014/01/29/atlanta-snowpocalypse-mocked-on-twitter-after-2-inches-of-snow-strands-thousands/

    • Black Unbeard

      lol atlanta

      • more beer

        If you can’t handle 2″ of snow in the city you live in. You live in bitch town.. I am not talking about you North Carolinian’s. But those bitches in Georgia. Who think they are hard. 8″ this week and the schools didn’t close!

    • Óðinn

      Shit. It’s snowing in Hotlanta? Climate change is weird.

  • Good: Got a new job lined up already, will be able to pay my bills and continue splurging on music.

    Bad: It’s cold, I’m ready for sumer.

    Ugly: I’m unfortunately a Bears fan. Kill me, haha, hahahhaa, hahahahhahahahahhaha

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      I’m a Raiders fan. This was our best season in 10+ years, then at the end Derek Carr gets injured and the Chiefs steal the Division title. Fuck.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    So a harsh Texan winter is a mild Finnish summer? Lol.

  • megachiles

    1 upvote = 1 prayer 4 joe and his animals

    Good: Somehow my Texian physiology is handling -4 F (-20 to -30 w/ windchill). The dog also doesn’t seem to mind.

    Bad: Waifu’s Texian physiology is not handling -4 F as well. I think it’s because she forgets to wear thermals. I haven’t had time to read the blog as much as I would like because of school.

    Ugly: The poo I’m going to have after this 4pm coffee. Also the amount of tater tots consumed by Midwesterners.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    I live in Texas and its 10 degrees C. Granted, El Paso its pretty far from Austin

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      I’m slightly closer to you but could still drive across 7 New England states by the time I reached you. Haha

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        Texas is vast indeed

      • KyleJMcBride

        “7 New England states”

        (head scratch emoji)

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          “hyperbole”

          • KyleJMcBride

            Gotcha.

        • more beer

          He wouldn’t make it thru 7 New England states. Texans can’t drive in the snow!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Hahaha! Damn you.

            I do alright, everyone else sucks ass.

          • KyleJMcBride

            We’ll see how you do once you hit the Vermont border. ^_^

          • KyleJMcBride

            Ha!

    • more beer

      I have a few solid metal brothers in El Paso. Hailz!.

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    Good: got to see legendary composer Terry Riley do an improve set to an art installation. Dude shreds on keys at 81

    Bad/Ugly: eh tired today

  • AeonsOvChaos

    Think about this place, Oymyakon, a rural locality in Oymyakonsky District of the Sakha Republic, Russia. The Temperature is constantly -45°C in Winter, one of the coldest places in Earth, yeah, cold as shit and now we know that Hell is real: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/84944abcbce10345d450d9e9ea525ee0e3cea540ad2dac2b4de9b9d5bf4bfea5.jpg

    • KyleJMcBride

      How did that car manage to make it to that spot to begin with? Will it ever move again?

    • Black Unbeard

      this place looks so black metal

      • KyleJMcBride

        It don’t get more grym and frostbitten than this.

  • KyleJMcBride

    We’ve got Entombed A.D. & Turbid North at Once Ballroom in Somerville tonight.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Hell to the yes!!!

      • KyleJMcBride

        I’m sure I’ll get a full report from my friend at the Rite-Aid. He said he was going when I saw him earlier.

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Aww man… no Turbid North for KJM?

          • KyleJMcBride

            Not really my thing. It’s all good.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa
          • KyleJMcBride

            Indeed. I really hope Throne is gonna put out a new one before long, not to mention I’d love it if they came to The US.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I need a full length so bad!! I absolutely love this EP but I would be fine with it lasting another 30 minutes or more. And, yes, a US tour would be so rad.

          • KyleJMcBride

            All they’ve put out thus far is EPs.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I have some bad news buddy… Throne is no more. I heard from a friend of the band. Total buzzkill.

          • KyleJMcBride

            FUCK. They put out some excellent music.

          • KyleJMcBride

            I hate to sound like a bitter fossil, but if they’d been around during the 1980s-90s they would’ve had a greater chance of success, and that’s not because of file sharing/torrenting.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Oh, totally! That sound they had was perfect. Would’ve loved to hear them tour with Kyuss.

          • more beer

            Fuck that going to that show next week. For Full of Hell!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Awww yeah!!!

    • more beer

      Going to that show next week.. Don’t forget Full of Hell!

  • Count_Breznak

    -14°C, 100% humidity, 20-30cm snow.
    Rather average, but normally it starts in october.
    ..I don’t care either way, Afterbirth+ got released, busy grinding.

  • Scrimm

    Hahahahaha you fuckers are cold

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      I went out to take pics earlier and my fingers went numb in ten minutes. hahah

      • Scrimm

        Thats better than your fingers just going numb at random, like mine do

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Damn…

          • Scrimm

            Yep

  • J.R.™

    Good: New “The Not Yet” songs by my brother are super good and hopefully available for you fine people soon
    Bad: I spent too long at work talking with work friends that there isn’t really time to hang out with my outside friends today. You guys will have to do.
    Ugly: High of 29 tomorrow. Here in Alabama. Finally the weather calls for Black Metal

  • GL

    TBH, I kinda like the cold. Perfect fire burning weather, staying cooped up in the house with the family, just perfect really. Single digits can get old… but it is nice to have Winter. Makes Summer a bit fun to look forward to.

    You all have a great weekend and stay warm.

    GL

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      You too buddy!

    • KyleJMcBride

      I think the older I get, the more I appreciate the change of seasons.

  • KyleJMcBride
    • Black Unbeard

      sexy, except for how those guns pointing at her vagina made me think she had two crotches for a second . . . maybe the point

      its snowin good here bro, im sure this is all headed your way tomorrow

      • KyleJMcBride

        Yeah it is, at least 6-8″.

  • Taylor

    Good: I’m awaiting a camping hammock in the mail. It looks pretty sweet and can double as a tent!!
    Bad: Work is empty and boring because of the snow.
    Suspenseful: I’m hoping that we get enough snow and/or ice on the roads to go in late to work.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      That sounds like a perfect investment!

      • Taylor

        I’m really excited about it! Hammocks are very comfortable to sleep in

  • more beer