Flush It Friday – HessianHunter Overshare Edition

It’s that time of the week, folks. Let us come together to flush away every bit of shit this week threw at you, and welcome the pure, sparkling water that will take its place in the magnificent, gleaming toilet bowl that is your life.

The last time I wrote this column, I noted my penchant for working 14-hour days at two different jobs and still finding time to go to shows and party at a heroic standard. After finally getting burnt out on my non-stop “sleep is for the weak” life, and after 3 years of servitude to a massive, shitty corporation, I quit my service industry job to have more free time and live something resembling a “real” life. My plan was foiled, however, by the most nefarious villain in my life – me.

I suppose I technically have more “free time” now, but for the past 6 months, approximately 100% of that free time has gone to practicing in my new band. I want to spend as much of my young life as I can on the road, and I managed to find a like-minded musician who wants to put all the effort and hours and money into finding a common vision,  hunting it down, capturing it in a net, taming it, and riding that motherfucker into a sunset full of fame*, riches**, and groupies***.

Along the way we’ve pissed off neighbors with daily marathon basement practices, broken too many drumsticks and guitar picks to count, and gone through several dozen terrible names before settling on a terrible name that is at least kinda funny sounding. I also got the stupid idea to play keyboard while drumming for our songs and now I can’t get drunk before I play because I actually have to pay attention when I’m pretending to be an expert at an instrument I barely understand.

A month ago it was finally time to bring this shitshow to a stage, and we’ve been a tear of performing ever since. Tonight, a mere 16 or so hours before this post goes live, we got called in last-minute to play a charity show (our 5th show ever and 3rd this week), which involved us playing our tightest set yet to a room full of fresh ears who all seemed to dig our weirdness hard. I have high hopes for this project and touring my ass off all around the continent with it.

The good news doesn’t end there – although I’ve enjoyed all my recent free time, I missed biking like a maniac and bringing people food for money. By writing an obnoxiously self-aggrandizing letter that made the whole company crack up, I managed to get the most coveted delivery job in the city. It’s a job delivering tacos all around south Minneapolis for a small business owned by my peers and staffed largely by my friends. On Tuesday I worked one of my famous 14 hour days between two jobs yet again and relished every bit of it, including my pit stop at the CC Club after my shift ended.

Wait, this all sounds like good news – where’s the BAD, HessianHunter? Well, a couple months ago I got my heart completely broken for the first time since swearing off relationships 3 years ago. Without being too revealing about my own and others’ private lives – I’ve been a serial casual dater for years, but it only two dates with this Tinder match for me to decide I’m ready to finally settle down and get all lovey-dovey with a seemingly divine individual whose compassion and thoughtfulness transcended that of all other humans I’ve known. But in a cruel twist of fate, after a needless, drunken argument with bar staff, this individual went off in a huff, leaving me alone in the Minnesota cold, never to speak to me again. Absolutely none of it was my fault and the thought of not seeing her again made me want to hurl my guts out until I permanently turned inside-out.

But alas, it simply wasn’t meant to be, and life continues. I have a new band, and new gig, and a profound joy in simply being alive. Endlessly busy days and nights call to me, and I happily answer their earnest pleas.

It’s your turn, friends. Overshare or undershare as much as you please, and let us all bask in the warm glow of validating comments from your fellow Toilet-dwelling dorks.

^This video made me crack the fuck up this week.
Dave King is a genius and this is at least 60% of why.

*AKA: A mention as an “up and coming” act in Alternative Press while 6 years into our career
**AKA: Breaking even on gas money after finding $20 on the ground outside the venue
***AKA: Cute, friendly dogs in the dingy apartments we crash in at night

Image VIA

Written by:

Published on: January 29, 2016

Filled Under: Open Swim

Views: 1505

Tags: , ,

  • COAL ROLL

    Good: MAILMANBRO!!!
    BAD: Some of my work vendors suck at their jobs and it makes my clients angry.
    UGLY: I turned my wool socks inside out and wore them two days in a row. I can smell them from inside my shoes

    • I’ve used the same pair of wool socks for running this week. I’m pretty sure I could stab someone to death with them now. Shitz be solid.

      • COAL ROLL

        the stench is a great social repellent.

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    Good: New Hexvessel (reallygodfuckingdamngood)
    Bad: goddamn flu
    Ugly: stop staring at me

    • CyberneticOrganism

      You exited for new Moonsorrow?

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        Yes.

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      Huh, i wouldve thought hexvessel was heavier. Its not bad at all, tho

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        It’s not a metal band, why would you expect it tk be heavy, poopoo?

  • GOOD: Feeling the most fit I’ve ever felt, still staying off the booze, and I’m currently looking for a half-marathon to run this summer or fall.

    BAD: 8 people were laid off work. This is the 3rd layoff in 3 years; somehow I’ve managed to keep my position again despite hanging out on here with all you nerds. Also, the constant urge to play drums in a band lingers. No one here has any tastes in underground metal though. Pretty sad honestly.

    UGLY: Relationships and dealing with humans. Gross.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Fitness >>>>>

      You’re not in Scab anymore?

      • My guitarist lives in Florida permanently now. Whenever he comes up to visit family we write and record. That only happens maybe twice a year now.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Fucking bummer dude. Time to move somewhere perhaps? Because that’s so easy….

          • Yeah, I’ll do that tonight.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Told you it was easy, derp.

          • Fuck everything! Burn my house and work building down and I’ll be on my jolly fucking way. So easy bro!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Bro, perfect, bro!

          • Life is easy when your’re dead.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            © HOT TOPIC

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Dimmu Lolgir

          • I kinda of want to revisit For all tid. Been years since I’ve listened to that.

          • sweetooth0

            the look on that guys face just says: murder me now please, anything but this.

          • sweetooth0

            also, bald guy on the left looks ridiculous.

        • Lacertilian

          Drop a line to James Lipczynski.

        • Óðinn

          Maybe move to a city with more musicians. Move to New York.

    • Stanley

      If you’re gonna run a half marathon, you need more carbs. There’s carbs in beer.

      • Mmmmm… Beeeeer…. You bastard!

        • Stanley

          It’s beer week in SF, I haven’t been to any of the activities going but I’ll try and make up for it tonight.

          http://www.sfbeerweek.org

          • Enjoy!

          • Lacertilian

            A mate just arrived there for part of his honeymoon and has been sending pics of all the beers. He didn’t even know it was on until he got there.

          • Stanley

            And he won’t remember either.

          • Lacertilian

            Think Mexico and Hawaii are on the cards too, so yeah, that’s a given.

      • Óðinn

        Marathons aren’t Black Metal. Beer is.

        Marathons are more Vegan Metalcore. xMarathonsx.

        • Stanley

          There’s nothing blacker than your toenails after running a marathon.

          • Óðinn

            True. I hear that. I’ve got two toes on my left foot that lose nails at least once a year. They grow back, turn black, I rip ’em off, and they grow back again.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            That’s metal as fuck. I’ve had something like that with my left foot ever since I did the D of E award.

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      Bro, we could just email each other tracks to play on

      • Yeah, except I don’t have any recording equipment. I guess I could just use the microphone on my laptop. We could do a really harsh black metal project 😉

        • Salvador Dalí Lama

          Me and a friend recorded an album using the mic on a laptop. Came out nice and cvlt sounding, even if we were doing it tongue-in-cheek.

          https://soundcloud.com/tvshbe/permafrosted-in-saran-wrap

          • MaximumDank

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            We used a bass that had a broken string too.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            you win at kvlt

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            Yeah we were surprised too. It was tricky getting the bass to sound like a guitar.

        • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

          Itll have to be harsh because of all the background noise recording on my phone next to the overpass

    • I hear you on the music thing. A couple of friends want to do a project but it’s hard to get together just to write something.

    • Owlswald

      Yes to half-marathon. Shit no to a full marathon unless you have wings. No human should run that far.

    • tigeraid

      Half-marathon is some serious shit. I’ve tossed the idea back and forth with a buddy of mine who IS a marathoner, about me trying it now that I’ve lost the weight I have. I’m not sure my knees are ready for it.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Ey when I get a job with rolls-Royce and I can go wherever I want I’ll jam with you

  • Waynecro

    Dude, I like your band. Also, sorry about the heartbreak. That shit can be a real dickpunch.

    • HessianHunter

      Thanks, dude! And I’m over the heartbreak by now but that was a reaaaally shitty couple of weeks immediately after the fact.

      • hey glad it was only a couple of weeks!

        • Waynecro

          I was just about to write that.

        • HessianHunter

          I mean, I only met this lady two times. Any longer of a recovery period would have been pathetic. I have shit to do.

          • we’re too tough to let women hurt us!
            (in reality, the last break-up resulted in a lack of appetite so great it caused me to vomit. bringin’ it back around)

          • Waynecro

            Fuck yeah, bro!
            (In reality, I spend the better part of most days trying not to vomit from sorrow.)

          • it just makes you wanna break stuff m/

          • Lacertilian

            *DaFukUp

          • Waynecro

            I drown my sorrows (and nausea) in excessive exercise. I’m going to be ripped as shit and emotionally dead when I grow up.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            So long as it isn’t someone’s face!

      • Waynecro

        If your band ever plays in the San Diego area, I’ll be there. Well, I’ll do my best to be there. I’ll definitely buy your album when it comes out, though.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I hate heartbreak as well. Lord knows I’ve had too much of it.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Good: Three-day weekend.

    Bad: Humans

    Ugly: More humans

  • JWEG

    Tuneful #GBU #FlushItFriday post, activate!

    Good:
    Catching up on albums I totally missed from late last year that fall within the various microgenres of DOOOM. I’m shocked that I didn’t catch the following one when it came out late last year, because it features a member of Barn Burner (R.I.P.) and one of Anciients, both of which I’m a huge fan.

    You’d probably have figured out the former the moment the vocals kick in on the track, though:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTKX7qagbIQ

    https://deadquiet.bandcamp.com/album/dead-quiet

    #FFO: Barn Burner, Anciients, Black Wizard, Christian Mistress

    Bad: It’s gone rainy and gloomy again. I guess one could say I’m doing myself no favours by listening to Funeral Doom, perhaps, but I just couldn’t resist:

    https://eosdoom.bandcamp.com/album/s
    http://releases.seventhrule.com/album/all-hail-corrosion

    Basically making a ‘Good’ out of the Bad.

    Ugly:
    I’ve got nothing this week.

    • tigeraid

      Oh. OH. Dat riff! Where has this been all my life!

    • Did somebody say DOOOOOOOOOM?

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Good: Finally started writing again, feels nice to not have that “you’re a lazy sack of shit for not even trying to be creative” voice out of the back of my mind.
    Bad: No exciting plans this weekend, maybe I’ll go see The Big Short?
    Ugly: Can’t stop watching the shitshow that is google maps traffic. Not looking forward to driving home.

  • Max

    Good: The nice young lady at the grocery store who always seems really pleased to see me – and who always rounds my prices down.

    Bad: Guitars that don’t seem to stay in tune for more than half a take.

    Ugly: The idiot neighbour who is always yelling at another neighbour’s dog to shut up whenever it barks, without realizing he’s annoying the rest of us even more than the dog is.

    Also Good (since it’s been stuck in my head all week):https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGhoLcsr8GA

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Simply speaking the word “Macklemore” aloud feels like emptying bricks of shit from your mouth.

      • Max

        My understanding is that he’s apparently a very mediocre rapper, but since I’m not an expert in these things I’m allowed to be like somebody’s mother and think something is cool when in fact it isn’t.

        • Bossicus thee Rossicus

          Though i agree with Mr Roboto, nice rebuttle.

          • Max

            In the words of Marge Simpson: “Popular music is none of my business.”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Pictured: Muad’Dib ponders Macklemore, Gurney

            http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lb7f5p9DwV1qe8ze9o1_500.gif

          • Max

            I would love one of those shields. You could just cartwheel around and never get hurt. You wouldn’t want somebody aiming a laser-pointer at you, though.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Or stabbing at you really slowly.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I love the mutually assured destruction of the shields in the books. Yeah go ahead and use your pew pew laser, but everyone in a 5 mile radius is dead.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            I always thought that was a very interesting detail Herbert added.

    • COAL ROLL

      You must play a newer Gibson

      • Max

        Naw, it’s an Ibanez S-470 (similar to an RG). Not helped by the fact that it’s designed to be played in standard tuning but I tune it down to A (7 semitones lower than standard). I use heavier gauge strings and all…

        Never had problems with it in the past, but I’ve had to start going to a different luthier to get it serviced, and I’m not sure he’s across it in the same way the former guy was.

        • COAL ROLL

          I have one of those. I broke the wammy bar right the fuck off it. Try putting a block in the cavity to secure the trem.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            I broke the whammy on my strat years ago, the end is still in my bridge.

    • Lacertilian

      String thru or tremolo?

      • Max

        Tremolo. Floyd Rose floating bridge.

        • Lacertilian

          I noticed my floyd rose special stayed in tune more consistently when I added an extra spring. This compensated for using thicker guage strings. Might help if you haven’t done this already?

          • Max

            It probably would; although I think the luthiers may have done that at some point from memory.

          • Lacertilian

            You can’t take the back plate off to check?

          • Max

            How many is it meant to have? It’s three, isn’t it?

            (Grabs screwdriver and takes off plate.)

            There’s three in there now. Room for up to five, for what I can see. So maybe you’re right.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I have 5 on my strat.
            But you gotta be careful, because it can add a reverbed sound to your signal due to the extra coil vibrations. It can/will cause extra noise in your output and can mess with any distortion you are going to add.

          • Max

            All the caveats you’ve helpfully cited indicate that I don’t think that would be the solution for me – especially the one about affecting distortion.

            I could’ve sworn the earlier luthier had put in an extra spring at one point. Maybe the new guy removed it.

            Another complication – perhaps – is that I like my action set quite unusually high. (I can’t stand fret buzzing.) If the new guy did take out a spring, perhaps that’s why?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            All these factors could be what is leading to your predicament.
            Adjusting your spring tension could help, tightening down the anchor screws in the back. And doing a truss rod adjustment.

            Do you utilize your Floyd Rose?

          • not to butt in and all, but I have never met someone that was like, “GOD DAMN DO I LOVE MY FLOYD ROSE”. I friggin hate my Jackson that has one….

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            I hate em. So much fuss and mess, all for a little string bending power. You should be weightlifting and just bend the whole neck like a real man

          • HA I can bend my neck a bit! Srs. It is just for the slow bends/vibrato

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Its good for Sunn O)))))))))))ing

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

          • sorry this what I meant to post!

            https://soundcloud.com/g-l-44/jamming-with-gl

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Haha, thats my experience as well. Hell, i don’t even like the trem on my strat. I broke the arm and said screw it.

          • Ross,

            Here are some lol tunes for ya. Selfproduced of course.

            GL

            https://soundcloud.com/g-l-44/gl-going-down-to-the-turlet

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! HO. LEE. SHIT. That was amazing.

          • acoustic guitar ftw>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Indeed so!

          • Max

            Oh yes, I love the thing. I even write songs and riffs based around the use of it.

          • You are the exception, Max!

          • Max

            I don’t love all the hassle it causes, but I do love groovin’ around with micro-tonality. It makes me sound like a better guitarist than I really am.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Okay, right on. Then you’ll definitely want it fixed up.
            A trick you can use if you need to put more springs in, is to put a piece or pieces foam in the compartment to mute the vibrations. This may effect your usage of the trem though.

          • Lacertilian

            Not guarantees but I upped mine to 4. Changed the arrangement. I’m no pro, just worked for me. I’d take a photo but I’m out at the moment. What gauge you running?

          • Max

            12-54. Quite heavy. The guitar isn’t really built for such low tuning, as I said. (I bought it back when I barely knew anything about guitars – as you can tell, I’m still no expert.)

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I play 12s as well. Except standard or c# tuning.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            I always liked c#

            Eb too

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            C# = Sabbath. All day, everyday.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Eb or standard, p much all power metal (some played a whole step down but not many)

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I’ll play Eb from time to time when I’m feeling it.

          • Max

            The G (which in my case is tuned down to C) is a wound one. The professionals tell me the guitar wouldn’t even hold its tuning or intonation as well as it does if we hadn’t resorted to that.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Thats ridonkulous

          • Max

            It’s Bloodbath, man! The last song on their immortal Resurrection Through Carnage album is tuned down to A (The rest of the album’s on B). When I heard that, I was like “THAT is the sound I want.”
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlxjLyEGtaU

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Yeah, i mean with 7 strings those tunings really arent crazy. Theyre crazy tho

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I like the wound, it’s easier on the fingers. For me at least.

          • Max

            Yeah, I’ve personally never had a problem with it.

          • Lacertilian

            Pretty much the same as what I run. I know there’s a couple of dudes here that are knowledgeable but I think they just read and don’t disqus unfortunately.

      • Dagon

        Tele

        • Lacertilian

          NO!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    GOOD: No, this has been a stressful week. Fuck work. Hail Fridays.

    BAD: Client requests for cheesy sound effects in what should be a professional, corporate thing. Kill me. *record scratch* *boingy spring* *bicycle horn* *cat meow* *whip crack* *slide whistle*

    UGLY: My reaction when shit I should be doing, and want to do, is handed off to posers. Sample below.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGzrL8J0t-c

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      “It needs more…. pizzaz, can’t you just pizzaz it up a bit?”

      • CyberneticOrganism

        “I found this elephant sound thingy in PowerPoint, can we add that too?”

    • tigeraid

      Are your clients morning radio deejays?

      • CyberneticOrganism

        You’d think so, but unfortunately not

  • Unstoppable Fart Machine

    Yesterday was one year since my grandma died (starving herself over at least a year and dementia). I miss her so much, and my life would’ve been very much different without her, considering how much effort her and my grandfather went through to get me out of my mother/stepfather’s physical and emotional abuse.

    In loving memory (and you probably won’t like the song, but fuck it, listen to the lyrics. And yes, that’s me with her when I got to visit from miltary school back in ’95):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnvFlHLF9NI

  • Stanley

    Good: I somehow managed to avoid going in for Jury Duty this week. It was quite nerve racking calling in everyday and waiting to see if the computerized voice at the other end of the line was going to fuck up my week.

    Bad: I’ve run out of patches to sew on my jacket. I can’t find any decent ones anywhere so it’s going to remain as is unless I can pick up more at shows.

    Ugly: Blank real estate on my jacket.

    • Bro, my Jury Duty was canceled too! High Five Bro!

      • Stanley

        It’s magic where the voice tells you to call back tomorrow. Even better when it gets to Thursday and the voice tells you that you are EXCUSED!

      • Dagon

        I imagine you “saying” the verdict like Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator

    • I sat on a Jury once, it was interesting. 100% compensated by work as well.

      • Stanley

        Yeah, I’m told that depending on the case, it can be interesting/rewarding. I’d be ok with doing a week long case, but I’m worried that I’d be selected for something much longer and it would mess with my biorhythms.

        • Mine only lasted a week for a kid who messed up his leg real bad in a skiing accident. We were about award him $1M before the baliff came in and told us that they settled.

      • during the selection process, just raise your hand and say “cool case or GTFO, judge”

        • Gimme a double homicide with scorned lovers or some shit.

        • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

          Or __________, Thanks Obama

    • sweetooth0

      Quality over quantity is not a bad thing though!

      • COAL ROLL

        you check with Joe on that patch I showed you recently?

        • sweetooth0

          Right, I gotta do that. I guess I should message him on the FB group! And done.

      • Stanley

        Ha ha. Quality is subjective, quantity ain’t. Thanks though.

        • sweetooth0

          I can argue quantity is subjective, but then you could argue that I was high on hard drugs.

        • sweetooth0

          also, in the case of the patches you have, I don’t think quality is really subjective.

    • GOJIRA PATCH OR GTFO

      🙂

      • Stanley

        It’s on the way. I was saving the best spot for it.

        • Please tell me the best spot is on a head band. Such that the patch can be plastered across your fore head. I feel as though that is the only “best spot” for it.

  • You are living the dream Pumpkin Baby! You’ll get over the lady situation soon enough. It always stings right after.

    Even: Thought I was getting fired for sure for being irresposible yesterday. Came into today and was thanked by name in an email to all company head honchos for helping out with an audit.
    Sleep: Going to bed at 8:30 everynight and waking up at 5AM. I enjoy the two plus hours of peace and quiet in the morning.

  • JWEG

    This is weird Just after I posted that it was rainy and gloomy, the sun came out. The exact same thing happened yesterday, though, so I should have expected it.

    I have switched to something slightly more upbeat and groovy, but still obviously within the doom umbrella (no pun intended – the rain did, after all, stop): Diesto’s High As The Sun. Not that I expect it to stay sunny too much longer.

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/77/d2/89/77d28965b92505c95015354e06835969.gif

    • Stanley

      GAH!

      • JWEG

        Spongebob physics: burning incense underwater makes perfect sense.

        • Stanley

          ’twas your meteorological musings that I was GAH-ing.

    • Bossicus thee Rossicus

      You’re a wizard.

  • Waynecro

    Good: A graphic-design client of mine from 2007 contacted me out of the blue and needs some work done. I did a logo for a big conference back then, and the committee liked it so much, they want to use it again. I just have to update some text around the main graphic. It’s pretty sweet to see something you designed on shirts, hats, signage, and the like.
    Bad: I haven’t done any design work in five or six years. The computer with my design software (pre-CS Illustrator) is old and slow as shit.
    Ugly: The amount of Diet Mountain Dew I intend to drink this Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 double-XP weekend.

    • Dagon

      Uninventive but it sure is fun. Fucking Call Of Duty multiplayers, man.

      • Waynecro

        The double jump, slide, and futuristic weapons in Black Ops 3 add some nice innovation to an old formula.

        • Dagon

          I had the chance to play it in a friend’s house recently. Pretty fun. Dude set up a projector so it takes up a whole wall, looks amazing even in split screen.

          • Waynecro

            That’s fucking cool, man. The larger the screen, the better I play. This leads me to believe my eyesight is crummy.

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      Bro, all that dieting abd youre drinking diet mountain dew?

      • Waynecro

        Only on weekends. I can’t drink or eat junk food. I gotta have something.

        • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

          I really dont drink much soda at all. I drink ginger ale usually. I will get an energy drink tho

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I love soda and energy drinks.

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, I only drink soda on weekends. A couple Rockstars too. It breaks up the monotony of having nothing but water and chicken breast all the time without doing much damage.

    • Óðinn

      Maybe order a free trial of CS and then cancel it in a month. Do they have free trials? Can’t remember.

  • Good: The Witness on PS4
    Bad: where’d a lot of our commenters go as of late??
    Ugly: JJM with short hair (thankfully a thing of the past!)

    • Mayk Benynton

      I’m working on getting long hair.

      • yusssssssssssss. is it your first time?

        • Mayk Benynton

          Yes, I think I managed to convince my parents to don’t complain about it, as of now it’s starting to cover my ears.

          • take Biotin, it will speed that fucker up like you wouldn’t believe. the more mcg’s per pill the better

          • Dagon

            I wish it worked for baldness.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Does this supposed to twerk for all hair? (Not that i would use any)

    • Where’s Disgustache?

      • Lacertilian

        I don’t think he’d leaf

        • i’m uh, rooting for him to show his face

          • Oh man, I’m too tired to figure out what you jokers are riddling about.

            (too many Batman villains in there?)

    • Dagon

      PS4. I want to buy one.

    • tigeraid

      facebook. SLIGHTLY easier for me to consistently participate there than disqus.

    • Dude, noticed the commenters flaking out. Weird.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      I’m still here, I think

    • Unstoppable Fart Machine

      They’re crippled with diarrhea.

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    Good: My new compressor arrived today.

    Bad: Joe gave me the idea to use it to squash homeless people.

    Ugly: “the all buttons in” mode straight to a hobo’s face! Also, the new Dream Theater album.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      New gear? Do tell.

      • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

        Warm Audio WA76–it’s a 1176 clone for about a quarter of the price as the reissue 1776es Univeral Audio is making. I highly, highly recommend it.

    • Owlswald

      The new Dream Theater album is embarrassingly bad. A couple decent songs with 30 transition tracks.

    • tigeraid

      There are a LOT of positive reviews of the new DT album and now I don’t know what to think it.

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        It’s bad, really bad.

        • Óðinn

          Your first clue that was really bad was when you heard it was a Dream Theatre album.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I don’t find the idea of listening to over two hours of musical wanking and terrible vocals too appealing.

          • Unstoppable Fart Machine

            I’m with ya on the vocals. Fucking Labrie sounds like he’s pinching his nose every time he tries to hit a high note. There’s no way on Earth he’s ever had vocal training like he claims (this coming from someone with 6 years of it).

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I could probably listen to some of their stuff if they had a good vocalist.

  • sweetooth0

    GOOD: It’s Friday, gonna get some beer, blast my new Autopsy box set, Besieged tape and Catasexual Urge Motivation CD. Then I got a triple threat birthday party house party to hit up. Should be good!

    BAD: My cheque sucked ass and I barely have any “fun money”.

    UGLY: Probably how I’m gonna feel tomorrow.

    • That Autopsy box set looked rad.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Autopsy >>>>>>>>>>>

      • sweetooth0

        It’s pretty sick. Nabbed it for a good price too. Pre-ordered at 54 bucks, then the price went up to like 90, but amazon’s pre-order guarantee means they have to give it to you for the cheapest price from when you pre-order, so basically got it for half price. For the new album, and that book 54 ain’t bad. I had most of the other tracks, although it does have some live stuff I didn’t have. All in all, a nice set

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    BAD: Work was so bad for the first half of the week I wished I could go back to last week (which on it’s own was bullshit)
    GOOD: Weekend, one more week and I’m off this trainwreck.
    GOD: Me
    BAD: One more week and I’m off this trainwreck.
    UGLY: Tapir.

  • Good: Steak/vodka/hbo go.
    Bad: Nuffin.
    Ugly: Um…catfights between actual cats.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Throw one of your detached arms at them… oh wait

  • Good: Dubya is on his way to Austin. We’re gonna eat pancakes.
    Bad: Daveweek is over
    Ugly: Dave Grohl, how could you do that to Phil Anselmo!?!??!

    • Mayk Benynton

      This Daveweek was really weird for me, I know it’s all debouchery but I couldn’t bring myself to read any post.

    • “We should do a Daveweek every week year.”

      -No One In the History of Ever

    • tigeraid

      brocakes.

    • Unstoppable Fart Machine

      Eating pancakes, bro-ing it up and trading dirty Photoshop pics of Dave Grohl = just another day in Austin.

  • Lacertilian

    Good: I have some new music to enjoy.
    Bad: Relatives dying.
    Ugly: Stuff.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Sorry for your loss, man.

    • Waynecro

      My condolences, Lizardbro.

    • Stanley

      Well that sucks.

    • Bossicus thee Rossicus

      All the best during this hard time, good vibes all around.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Sorry for your loss.

    • Unstoppable Fart Machine

      Sorry to hear about your loss. All the best to you and everyone involved.

  • Dagon

    GOOD: drinks
    BAD: drinks
    UGLY: drinks
    REAL GOOD: Results came out this week. I got into my first choice. So, starting March 1st I’ll have a job as a pathology resident. That’s pretty sweet.

    • Waynecro

      Congrats, dude! That’s awesome!

      • Dagon

        I’ll have tons of footage for goregrind bands

        • Waynecro

          I’ll remember that! Also, can you hook me up with a box of scalpels and a bone saw? I swear I won’t do anything weird with them. *stifles evil laughter*

        • Unstoppable Fart Machine

          Pissgrave already has your contract written up.

    • Bossicus thee Rossicus

      Hell yes! Congratulations o great and powerful god of fish!

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      You go, girl

    • Unstoppable Fart Machine

      ……

    • Excellent, very happy for you.

  • more beer

    Cephalic Carnage and Vimana tonight all is good.

    • Bossicus thee Rossicus

      Have a good show! And drink a beer!

      • more beer

        It’s a Cephalic show which also means a lot pot smoking.

        • BobLoblaw

          Every time ive ever seen them.

          • more beer

            Fuck yea!!!! Tonight was no different. But I a kind of lucky they are local and friends.

  • tigeraid

    The Good: Our very own Jud’s epic-level trolling of Phil Anselmo-apologists on the bookface.

    The Bad: Phil Anselmo

    The Ugly: Phil Anselmo apologists.

  • Boss the Turbid Ross

    Good: TURBID NORTH. TURBID NORTH. TURBID NORTH. I saw them last night. It was one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen. If you thought their record was heavy, you have no idea how heavy they are live. I was crushed. They only played for 20-30 people, but you would have thought they were packing a stadium. Nothing was skimped on, no short set, no lack of volume and no lack of energy. I cannot describe how excellent these gentlemen were. And when i say gentlemen i am describing three down to earth and humble men. That just so happen to play some astounding heavy metal.

    Also, they recognized my ToH shirt and praised the website for their reviews and our community as a whole. Congratulations fellow toileteers! We chatted for a little as well, talking gear and such. It was an excellent experience.
    Bad: nothing
    Ugly: probably me earlier today at work.

    • more beer

      Glad you had such a good show last night.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Unfortunately the other three bands didn’t deliver as well. But i had enough of a good time with Turbid North, i can’t complain

        • more beer

          It happens. At least one of them brought it.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Are you a fan of them?

          • more beer

            Never even listened to them. But I will check them out.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross
          • more beer

            I don’t have time right now. My friend who was supposed to pic me up at 6:30 will be here any minute. So we can go get dinner then head to the show.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            No rush, just getting you a link.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Who else was playing?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Bask, Royal Thunder and Black Tusk

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Yeah thats a big meh

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Exactly.
            I was kinda looking forward to Black Tusk, but they rubbed me the wrong way.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Ive probably seen em two or three times with better bands. I skipped their last show here

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I’m pretty sure they cut their set short.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Thats a p big burn. They just had a new album come out, if im not mistaken

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Sorry, I’m pretty sure the band cut their own set short.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Self-burn, then

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Yeah, it was an abrupt stop, all they said was “this is our last song” and they were done. Guitar player blew me off when i tried to shake his hand too.

          • ROSS, ROSS, ROSS, ROSS IS THE BOSS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            You’re saying it wrong. What you mean is JJD is the boss.

          • You mean Hoss, bud. Hoss is much cooler than boss, hoss. Ya kn0ow?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Yay!

          • BACK TO THE FRONT

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            You will do. What i say. When i say.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            BACK TO THE FRONT?

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            LVL 10 Blackbeard gets it.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That’s such a good album by Entombed AD.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            G! L! GL! G! L! GL! GL!!!!!!

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Damn thats pretty bad

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That’s just mean of him.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Pretty unfortunate

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Just another reason not to listen to their color-by-numbers stoner sludge

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            I’m gonna stick to Red Fang.

            And my new band Blue Molar.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Cyan Bicuspid

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Now that is mean sounding, i like it.

          • give us a Blue Molar link, or GTFO

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Well, i guess I’m out for the night…

          • more beer

            Thank you brother. I listen to a lot of things because people here suggestion it. Tonight I was talking with Dave fro Havok. He is such a cool guy. They are getting their big break. Touring with Megadeth. He told me they are gonna go out of their way to blow them off of the stage. Having seen them. He is telling the truth. I dont think Mr Mustaine Knew what he was bringing to the table,

          • Unstoppable Fart Machine

            It’d be damn near impossible to blow Kiko off the stage. Enjoy it while it lasts, since MustyTaint is most likely gonna fuck that up after the tour is done.

          • That’s a great attitude to have, nothing wrong with a little friendly competition.

          • more beer

            After seeing them again in December Mr. Mustaine doesn’t know what he is in for. They are young and hungry. Plus they bring that old school style thrash.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            No problem!
            That is phenomenal. I enjoy Havok’s music, and i hope this will help them further their career.

            How was your show?

          • more beer

            Excellent show last night. Cephalic always brings it.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Hell yes, I’m glad you had a good time

          • more beer

            Good friends, good beer, and good music what more can one ask for.

          • d00d i think you’ll dig it. like early Mastodon with some cool desert-y interludes

    • No pics?
      Sad Richter is Sad.

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Here you go.

        • I meant of you rocking the TovH shirt with the band all smiling and jacking each other off n’ shit.

          But this is pretty neat too.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Oh, this one.

          • Oh dear Lord I just jizzed everywhere. Good thing I already laid the plastic down . . .

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Damn, well that was unexpected.

          • It was the most non-sexual climax possible. It was pure metal/Toilet jizz.

            (Atomically heavier than your garden-variety jizz.)

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Hmm… alright then.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I saw three very non-metal bands last night. The first were really good, but the second were too happy and the singer for the third one was trying so hard to be Freddie Mercury it must have been physically painful. Seeing some thrash bands at the same venue in a few weeks, should be brutal.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Care to share some names?

          • Unstoppable Fart Machine

            *holds you up in the air and yells “I have a sooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!”

            http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view8/4683227/i-have-a-son-o.gif

          • Unstoppable Fart Machine
          • CyberneticOrganism

            REPRESENTIN’ TovH

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Just doing my due diligence

          • I’ve worn mine to a couple shows thus far without comment.

    • Unstoppable Fart Machine

      Excellent band, and awesome that they recognized your shirt!

    • sometimes having less folks at a show has benefits! so cool that they recognized the shirt/site!!!

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: NFL Blitz for Playstation, food, Hardees is opening soon.

    Bad: no hours at work

    Ugly: my love life, the graphics of WWF Attitude for N64.

  • AWFUL: Deep depression. Existential funk.

    AMAZING: Lamb of God, Anthrax, and Deafheaven on Sunday.

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      You sure going to that show wont make it worse?

      ZING

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    My cousin is opening for Texas Hippie Coalition. Even I’m not going to that.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Go and write a review!

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I’m not going. I’m writing a Geoff Tate review for the group.

  • BobLoblaw

    Good: New Rotten Sound, Ihsahn, Humanoid and tons of other awesome releases on the horizon.
    Bad: After not working since laat thursday, I am. Fuck that.
    Ugly: Yo mama.

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      I already have a boner for new Ihsahn

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      My mother is a saint!

      • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

        Idolatry!

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Blackbeard plz!

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Heathen!

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Crucify him!

          • Unstoppable Fart Machine

            He turned me into a newt!

        • great Ghost song

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I hate being single so much. It makes me sad.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6PsBm4VeJQ

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      You want to be happy as a single man? You must acquire a taste for misanthropy

      • ProfoundHatred

        That’s how I handle it. I hate being around someone else for the extended periods of time required for a relationship so much that I now subconsciously destroy them all and usually feel better afterwards for it.

        • Sir Tapir The Based

          I’ve never felt a need for a relationship nor have I ever been attracted to anyone. Saves money and time. Feels good, man.

          • ProfoundHatred

            I always like relationships at first. Then I start to realize about six months in that I always manage to pick someone who stands for everything I dislike about people. Then I spend a year trying to find the least awkward breakup method until it becomes so strained that they leave, and then I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I think Rick and Morty nailed it. “Break the cycle Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.”

  • The Good: It is Friday. I finished our taxes yesterday! Boom! and we are getting mad dolla’ dolla’ bills back. Which, I didn’t expect (since we made made cash this year). Anyway, Friday. The weather is going to be bitching this weekend. I am super jacked about the prospects of new Gojira music.

    The Bad: Our baby girl till has not shown up yet. That girl is already causing me headaches. Also, the lack of new Gojira music.

    The Ugly: My anxiety levels. The thought of having a child when I “still am trying to figure out what I think about life”, is a daunting one. I guess I best get that shit figured out in the next 24+ hours. Also, the lack of new Gojira music.

    <3

    GL

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    More bad news: Even though Paul Kantner is dead Jefferson Starship is going to continue without him. This is just wrong. I believe that David Freiberg should put the band to rest and reform Quicksilver.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      You should take Paul’s place in the band.

  • Unstoppable Fart Machine

    Gooderest news: Finally started watching Rick and Morty, and literally spewed beer out of my nose from laughing so fucking hard.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB

    • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

      Welcome to the party

    • Just wait until you see the Interdimensional Cable episodes. They’re like Rick & Morty’s version of Treehouse Of Horror.

      • ProfoundHatred

        1. Personal space
        2. Personal space
        3. Stay out of my personal space…

    • we owe KJM & BB many thanks for this

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        Only KJM. BB should get no credit for anything.

      • And I owe my friend Dan for suggesting it as an Aqua Teen substitute.

        • it’s just as random. well, maybe more! i love the sci-fi/time travel scenarios. sometimes gets stuck in me head when overdoing* the mint 😉
          * as a n00b

          • Don’t get me started on the similarities between Rick and The Doctor. I tortured my poor Twitter followers with that for a day.

      • Unstoppable Fart Machine

        Indeed! Even though what got me into it was a Hardee’s commercial, oddly enough.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    *SHIT IT OUT SATURDAY*

    Good: I think I’ve reached the second step in learning how to write songs.

    Bad: not really.
    Ugly: the amount of maths work I have

  • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD
  • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

    Goddamn getting records from Prophecy is gonna be expensive

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      What are you getting?

      • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

        They have some Agalloch and Empyrium vinyl in their euro store

        Side note: why is there a Korean Methodist church down the road from my house?

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          Solid.

          I don’t know how to answer that.

  • J.R.™

    Gilmore Girls is coming back and that is enough for me.
    Nothing good. Nothing bad. just school and work.
    Flush on, as always.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Inconvenient: the Shamrock/Gracie fight is on next Friday but I’ll be at a gaming convention that night.