Flush It Friday: Getting Elderly

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Another menacing week has come to its rightful conclusion, and this Toilet Ov Hell scribe will be ending it in spectacular fashion. No, not by suicide, but by celebrating a birthday. You’re invited to share in the festivities in this post and you can also spew whatever is ailing you on this fine Friday as well.

As the title of this post indicates, I’m getting to an age that some might perceive as old. Others may perhaps try to spin it by saying my milestone age is the new twenty-five. Well, I’m not subscribing to either of those ideologies as I approach the ripe old age of forty. All I will say about that is I don’t look forty, I don’t feel forty (however that’s supposed to feel) and I definitely don’t act forty. I plan on continuing to be the same idiot jerkoff that I’ve been for the past thirty-nine years. This past year has been particularly exciting for me because I threw my hat in the ring and decided that I’d like to write for this site. I never would’ve imagined that I would continue further after doing a Bump N’ Grind post back in March of 2015, but the need for a creative outlet in life drove me to keep going. For me, this is like dishing about music with my physical friends, and it’s something I greatly enjoy. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Joe, W. and Masterlord for bringing me aboard. I’m honored to be doing this with such a talented group of people whom I feel really put their heart and soul into everything we do here. Now that we’ve got all that out of the way, let’s commence with the flushing, shall we? Here goes:

Good: This whole milestone birthday thing comes with some nice celebratory perks. I have no idea what’s in store for this weekend other than spending time with family and friends. You can automatically assume that drinks will be involved and I will have a designated driver where ever I happen to wind up. As a bonus, it’s a three day weekend with President’s Day on Monday. Next weekend is what I’m looking forward to most. On Friday, I’m planning on going to catch Magrudergrind in Brooklyn. Their new album dropped today, and you can improve your life by going here to experience one of 2016’s best albums so far. The fun continues on Saturday as I’ll be headed to the stomping grounds of Frank Sinatra (Hoboken, NJ) for an evening with Candiria, Old Wounds, and Moontooth. A bunch of friends are going including some people I haven’t seen in a few years, so I’m looking forward to this one. Finally, as a birthday gift to myself, I plan on taking a trip later this year to an undecided destination. I’ll be keeping my eye on any music fests that may pop up and possibly make that the trip. Denver is also a strong possibility if nothing else looks good because they have a good music scene, good beer, good food and things that Jimmy McNulty likes to partake in.

Bad: For sanity’s sake, I really need to find a new job sooner rather than later. Without getting into it too much, my supervisor is a robot micro manager that is beyond annoying to have to deal with on a day to day basis. Any day I do not have to interact with this person is a good day. Constantly being asked what I’m working on every day is a counter productive nuisance in my eyes. I have to calm myself and refrain from answering every question like this a few days a week:

Jules

Even though I haven’t been looking as much as I should, there’s no shortage of opportunities. Almost every week, I am contacted by someone about a position they are trying to fill. The problem with this is that they are all located across the way in New York City, and I’m not currently willing to make that commute from New Jersey. Work sucks enough out of your soul during the week, and the added amount of time going to and from the workplace is not something I want to sacrifice at the moment. I’m not ruling it out entirely, but for right now I’m trying to have my next job be within state lines.

Also Bad: Valentine’s Day falls on my birthday so there’s a conflict of interest here. My only gripe is that I had to throw down $60 on flowers that will be dead in a week for the lady. Thanks for that Corporate Cupid because just about anyone who doesn’t do the flowers thing for their significant other on Valentine’s Day gets the Ultimate Douchebag Award.

Ugly: This Marty McFly Pharmo Bro Shkreli is quite the handsome fella right now. When the judge in his case drops the gavel on his punk ass, I hope he goes into general population for his crimes because his arrogance and his ignorance are going to be his undoing. No sipping banana daiquiris on a lounge chair at Club Fed for a guy who currently wins the award for most punchable face. He’s taken Justin Bieber’s spot in that category and that’s no easy task.

Shkreli

Terrible person resembles terrible character from terrible movie

That’s it for me, I now turn the floor over to the commenting crew. Share with us that which has lifted your spirits, that which is not good and that which you find disgusting or awful. The person who does this the best will receive the most up-votes. Get to it.

Images (VIA), (VIA), (VIA)

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Meh:
    Meh:
    Meh:

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: the new Deadpool movie

    Bad: lack of hours at work, can’t eat meat on Fridays due to Lent.

    Ugly: My love life

    • JWEG

      I’ll be honest. I was sort of hoping Deadpool would be a dud and a bomb.

      It is Marvel’s own fault, of course, but it bugs me to no end that the MCU can’t include a whole bunch of characters already in use by Sony or… um… is it Fox?

      At least they get Spiderman back.

      • i hope Deadpool makes a ton of money, just so that studios become a little braver with using the R-rating

  • GOOD: For the first time, I’m actually looking forward to Valentine’s Day. Hail Death!

    http://i.imgur.com/YQxdbSr.gif

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Let’s burn this motherfucker to the ground!

    • Also GOOD: There is enough new music in my living room to last me all this weekend and then some. Looking forward to staying out of the below zero temperatures and having a couple days to stay warm and listen to some vile noise while I pedal through the void on the stationary bike. Also, I have a whole container of my mother’s homemade no-bake peanut butter /chocolate cookies to devour my way through. Perhaps I’ll watch Sicario, who knows.

      BAD: Haven’t been able to run for 5 days straight now because of the frigid temperatures and horrible wind gusts. Instead I’ve been getting a lot of cycling in. My ass is sore. DOH!

      UGLY: Below zero temperatures. Goddamn nature, you fucking cold! The sweaty towels that are hanging all over my living room and kitchen are pretty vile. A much needed bottle of Febreze and load of laundry needs to happen.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Watch Sicario, that shit was good.

        • Somebody said this had a No Country For Old Men vibe to it. I want to see it regardless.

          • Oh damn, now I really want to see it. No Country For Old Men is incredible.

          • Probably one of my favorite movies. I’ll usually watch it once or twice a year.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            That’s a fair comparison, actually. It’s not quite as heady and out there as NCFOM but sure.

      • Dagon

        I’m gonna start running along with lifting later this month!

    • holy shit, this made my day

      • Ha, yeah. I feel obligated to watch this, this weekend now.

  • Max

    I turned 40 last year. I’m currently trying to start a band, and everybody else in it is in their early or mid-20s, which feels a little weird. It doesn’t seem to bother them, but I often wonder “Don’t they realize how old I am? It must be like joining a band with your dad or something…”

    • Dubs

      This is exactly the plot of an episode of the Gilmore Girls. In this case, you were being played by Sebastian Bach.

    • Try doing it with people in your age group. It is damn near impossible because grown ass man stuff. We did manage to put 5 songs together, but getting together and trying to do more is inconsistent.

      • Max

        Oh, I’m not even bothering to try recruiting people from my own age-group. They’ve all aged out of the action – and there were never actually that many death metal fans back when we were young.

        Basically, forming a band with Gen-Xers is fine if all you wanna do is play Tool covers and cancel rehearsals due to child-raising commitments.

        • more beer

          That sucks man. If you were here I could hook you up with a bunch of unattached older musicians who love metal.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Wanna be in a long-distance band with a 25-year old?

      • Lacertilian

        Well find someone else, coz Guac is at least 32!

        • Guacamole Jim

          DAMMIT MAN my appearance doesn’t match my actual age!!

          (real talk: Lacertilian wouldn’t believe I was 25 until I took a picture of my passport)

          • Lacertilian

            Until?
            I still stand by that that thing is just a quality forgery.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Her majesty the Queen authorized me to have that passport, sir! How dare you doubt her authority.

          • Lacertilian

            You forget my Irish & Scottish heritage, doubting her authority is putting it lightly.

          • Dagon

            Of course it’s forgery, why do you think he relocated to Bolivia? Probably running from the Interpol or some shit.

      • Max

        If you’d asked me that question a year ago, I would’ve said yes. But it’s finally looking like I might actually have a full band’s worth of members that can play live.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Get old, die.

  • Boss the Ross

    Attention Turbid North fans:
    I have two autographed stickers from the band and will mail them out to the first two people that email me. Preferably in North America, but i can work with anyone. Please be considetate and don’t spam me. Also please only request if you actually like the band.

    bosstheross54@gmail.com

    • CyberneticOrganism

      *spams you immediately and ceaselessly*

    • i’ll take them both! are they smudge-free? can you package them gently?
      -ebay user: mcnulty420

  • nbm02ss

    I have zero obligations this weekend, so I’m just going to veg in front of the computer and own fools in Mechwarrior Online.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    GOOD: In the spirit of ol’ Ron here, it was tight having two of my own articles go live on Tuesday *insert feelsgoodman.jpg*

    BAD/UGLY: I’m working thirty hours this weekend, Tuesday, Thursday, and thirty hours next weekend. That overtime check will be sweet in about three weeks though.

    • Dagon

      Ed with the double dipping woo
      Ed with the ol 1-2

  • Waynecro

    Happy birthday, man! I’ll eat my weekly cookie in your honor.

    • WHAT!?! Weekly cookie? What is this bullshit!?!

      I’ve had cookies everyday of this week so far. I feel like a fatty fat fatty.

      • nbm02ss

        I drove by a Girl Scouts stand today in front of Walgreens, and now I have 3 boxes of thin mints chilling in the fridge.

      • waynecro’s body seems to reject anything gud thrown its way

        • Waynecro

          Were it up to my body, I’d live on fruit pies and cupcakes.

      • Waynecro

        Friday night is the only night I don’t eat completely clean. Oreo just released a filled-cupcake flavor. It’s fucking on, bro.

        • Woah!

        • Dubs

          The Birthday Cake special? I actually had those in Oman well before they made it to the US. So good.

          • Waynecro

            The birthday-cake Oreos were killer (I love birthday-cake anything). As were the cinnamon-bun Oreos. This is a new flavor, meant to taste like a filled cupcake. They hit stores February 8th, and I’ve been dying to try them.

          • Dubs

            Oooh, I shall try them.

        • more beer

          Why do you punish yourself like this. Food is one of the great pleasures of life.

          • Waynecro

            I could be a lot less strict if I weren’t an insulin-dependent diabetic with a bum pancreas.

          • more beer

            Yea but there is other stuff you can eat. Besides boiled chicken or how ever you cook that staple of your diet,

          • Waynecro

            Baked chicken breast, haha. I recently switched to ground turkey.

          • more beer

            I knew it was chicken. I prefer burgers made out of beef. George Grill them it gets rid of most of the fat.

          • Waynecro

            I prefer beef in general, and I do eat it occasionally. When I need to up the fat in my diet, I usually use beef.

          • more beer

            Yea there is nothing like a good rib eye.

          • Waynecro

            Exactly!

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            The fat is part of what makes it good though! Not healthy, but tastier.

          • more beer

            Yea but he is worried about his figure.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae
    • Spear

      Misread “honor” as “boner.” Seems like that would be cramped.

      • Waynecro

        Well, I do really, really, really love my weekly cookie.

        • Spear

          THAT’S NOT WHERE COOKIES GO

          • Waynecro

            I DON’T PUT THEM THERE, BUT THEY DO GIVE ME SPECIAL FEELINGS

    • The wife says she’s going to get me a siqq ice cream cake. I don’t usually dig on desert, but I will for this occasion.

      • Waynecro

        That’s awesome! EMBRACE THE CAKE!!!

      • more beer

        Tell her it better be a Carvel ice cream cake. Happy Birthday man.

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Happy Bday Deuce!

  • Spear

    Good: started my first big boy job on Monday. Recording again. Life is generally good right now.
    Bad: the occasional little reminder that I’m closer to 30 now than 20.
    Ugly: ur mom AYOOOO

    • Dagon

      Big boy money, son

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • ME GORAK B.C.™

    GOOD: NEW ABBATH CD STILL!!!!! ALSO RAMMSTEIN AT CHICAGO OPEN AIR!!!! LOTS FIRE!!!!!
    BAD: MISSING FLESHGOD, CARACH ANGREN & ABIGAIL WILLIAMS MONDAY!!!!
    UGLY: SABRETOOTH KITTY DUMPS!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Boss the Ross

      Favorite track on Abbath?

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        ROOT OV MOUNTAIN RIGHT NOW, BUT DID LISTEN TO WINTERBANE & COUNT DEAD LOTS TIMES BEFORE ALBUM COME OUT!!!!!!

        • Boss the Ross

          Mountain and Winterbane are my favorites as well

  • RustyShackleford

    GOOD: Weekends.

    BAD: Lots of work over weekends.

    UGLY: Been a wimpy as hell winter. Finally got a reasonable 6 inches of snow last night and shoveling our cars in the backyard like kicked my ass. I am OUT of shape! Pathetic lol. Gonna chug beers tonight and bulk up. that’s how it works, right?

    Yup.

    • more beer

      Yes.

  • Good: Survived a miserable work week, gonna see Jason Isbell tonight.
    Bad: This horrible toilet-themed website has ruined my vision.
    Ugly: 20 pounds deep into bulk!

    • Waynecro

      Dude, there’s an awesome new show on A&E. I think it’s called Fit to Fat to Fit. Superbuff physical trainers put on an absurd amount of weight in a short period so they can better empathize with an obese client and lose weight with him or her.

      • That sounds super messed up and I want to watch it. I can’t imagine the complex these folks must develop when they start getting fat.

        • Waynecro

          It’s pretty fucking amazing. I’ve seen two episodes and can’t wait to watch more.

      • Christian Bale: The TV Show.

  • Good: I somehow kicked Mountain Dew and in the process became addicted to water. So now I will drink water at work on Christmas.

    Bad: I work with idiots. I don’t know how 80% of my co workers got jobs. The other day someone locked themself in an electrical closet!?? ????

    Ugly: it’s becoming increasingly painful to be a Chicago sports fan.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        NO ROMCOMS

        • Excuse you, robit. Not Another Teen Movie is a modern CLASSIC.

          • i non-ironically enjoy it

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            ME WOOD AGREE WITH U, BUT U KNOW WHAT PEOPLE SAY WHEN ME DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

          What about Bromantic Comedies?

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Jimmy plz! Romantic comedies are awful!

        • Dubs

          “Well excuuuuse me, Princess!”

          http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/4-24-2015/Z6PTqB.gif

        • I don’t know man. High Fidelity is pretty fucking great.

          • Boss the Ross

            That’s in a whole other realm of movies.

          • Dagon

            I concur

        • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

          The only romantic comedy I’ve ever liked was What’s Love Got To Do With It.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I hate rom coms. They remind me of what I don’t have. I need to stop focusing on women before my heart freezes permanently.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Get a hooker. No shame in that.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            If I wanted to I would but Poughkeepsie hookers have every STD and excessive drug problems. I don’t want to get any STDs. I just want someone who understands me.

          • more beer

            Hookers everywhere have drug problems and STD’s. Throw a helmet on your soldier.

          • plus, pay hookers enough and they will pretend to understand you

          • more beer

            The full girlfriend experience.

          • Waynecro

            You know, man, a lot of people find love when they’re not looking for it. Maybe if you stop caring about it for a while, it will find you.

          • Dubs

            KJU’s advice is frankly terrible because that isn’t the route to find what you’re looking for, but More Beer gave you good advice earlier. Focus on yourself and becoming a better, more likable you. You’re going to need to work on yourself before you can expect someone else to want to be in a relationship with you. Develop some skills. Get a career. Get a car and your own place. Get independent and generally get to where you’re pleased with your own life, then invite someone else into it.

          • more beer

            Thanks Dubs. I have given him this advice numerous times already. He doesn’t want to listen, to me. Even though I was doing that stuff a decade before he was born.Don’t get me wrong, no man will ever completely understand what goes on in the female brain. But there are things you can do to hedge your bet.

          • well, many of us are older than JJD and have a variety of life experiences underneath our belt (good, bad & ugly). no advice can accomplish the same thing as experience!

          • more beer

            True.

          • having said that, the prospect of two more beer’s in this world intrigues me…

          • more beer

            JJD might be geographically be from around where I am from. But he is way to nice to be like me. Plus there is that whole not partying thing.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Like telling them how big your ding dong is. Constantly.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Yeah, but all that takes a whole lotta time. Best to get your jollies in while you’re young, and figure out the rest later. Adolescent puppy love tends to fail, and fail horribly. While your suggestions are admirable in the long run (and wish I would’ve worked more on some of those suggestions a while ago), youth is meant to be enjoyed. The horror of later years will come soon enough.

          • Dubs

            Few things in this life that are worthwhile come easy.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Quite true.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Gotta go to Vegas then, where the clean hookers are. I think they’re also legal in Atlantic City, but not sure.

          • more beer

            They are only legal in Nevada. But not within Las Vegas city limits. It would take a years salary at Old Navy to be able to afford one of those girls anyway.

          • Lacertilian

            Land of the free?

          • more beer

            Home of the slave.

          • Lacertilian

            Home of the you can walk around with a gun but can’t pay for consensual sex.

          • more beer

            You have to have a permit to walk around with a concealed firearm. Some states allow you to carry as long as it can be seen. Most do not. Me personally I am against gun control. Criminals are going to carry guns if they are legal or not. So why shouldn’t law abiding citizens be allowed to be armed. Christian values here say that it is immoral to buy a hooker. That is why it is illegal. Even though they seem to forget that Jesus hung out with whores.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Well, top bunk time for him, and certainly no shame in that!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Rom coms are as much a fantasy as hobbits & wizards.

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae
    • Owlswald

      Being a Cincinnati sports fan, I can relate to the pain.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Try being a 76ers fan.

        • Owlswald

          At least they’re trying to tank. #teamwithaplan

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Exactly.

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

        I’m from both Chicago and Cincinnati, so imagine my pain!

        • and you still live in Chicago

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            And you live in Tapir’s outhouse.

        • Owlswald

          Yeah, I got nothin’ for ya

  • Scrimm

    Good: Back to recording. Looks like Phantasm Ravager might finally be coming out.
    Bad: 7 straight work days in a row, still no word on possible promotions.
    Ugly: I officially get older soon.

  • tigeraid

    The Good: It’s “Family Day” long weekend in Canada. Since families are for chumps, I will just enjoy good food and Fallout 4 all weekend.
    The Bad: No fights this weekend! 🙁
    The Ugly: London is currently buried in about a foot of snow, which means every single person has suddenly forgotten they’re Canadian and don’t know how to drive. 300 accidents in about 2 hours.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      No hunting cults this weekend?

      http://www.rowsdower.com/rowsdower.jpg

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      The Shamrock/Gracie fight is on next Friday.

      • tigeraid

        What a glorious clusterfuck that will be.

    • JWEG

      B.C. needs to get on the ball and move their Family Day in line with the rest of the Country.

      Supposedly it has something to do with lobbyists from the tourism/ski-hill industry pushing for two separate dates so that (a) on the first one British Columbians can go to Alberta for the first of two long ski weekends (b) on the second one Albertans can come to B.C. for their second long ski weekend.

      The shipping industry, on the other hand, is quite mad. One way or another it means their stuff will sit idle for an extra day when going over the BC-Alberta border.

    • more beer

      People forget how to drive in the snow in Colorado too. Or they are from California or Texas.

      • Dubs

        You aren’t wrong.

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

        People in VA forget how to drive in the snow because they forget that it actually does snow here once in a while. Even 1/8 of an inch throws them off, and schools get cancelled, stores close early, etc.

        • more beer

          They close the military bases there for that much snow.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Not the shipyard though. My dad’s there, rain, snow, sleet, whatever. Not sure about the bases though. Langley definitely doesn’t close for it.

          • more beer

            Naval base Norfolk used to close when I was there fr a quarter inch of snow.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Most I’ve heard about the weather affecting bases or shipyards here is when there’s a hurricane. That’s when the ships go out to sea, away from the storm.

          • more beer

            I’ve had to do that before.

    • Óðinn
      • more beer

        The problem there is. People in SUV’s think because they can get through the snow without a problem. Seem to forget about the longer stopping distances.

        • the problem there is humans
          *FTFY

          • more beer

            I wasn’t blaming the vehicle.

        • Óðinn

          Yeah. SUVs create a somewhat false sense of security. They’re heavy, so they take longer to stop, and can cause a lot of damage.

          • more beer

            Yes they do. I see a lot of wrecked SUV’s here in the winter.

    • Óðinn

      People need to get themselves a good set of Finnish winter tires, slow down, gear down when necessary, and leave enough distance between themselves and the car in from of them.

      http://www.colesa.ru/images/Image/nokian-hakkapeliitta-r2-specs-040213-nm1.jpg

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        >good
        >Finnish
        Choose one,

        • Óðinn

          Nokian knows their snow tires Sir Tapir.

  • Capra Hircus Hubertus

    GOOD: Weekend, going to see Deadpool on Sunday. Music, friendship, grass, SKRONK.
    BAD: Stuff, more stuff. lots of stuff.
    UGLY: I feel inadequate compared to Goats of Bangladesh

    Refresh for goat

    • EsusMoose

      That’s a nice goat

    • Lacertilian

      Refresh for goat>>>>>

    • i don’t often post youtube links, but when i do…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7Bcgejd4w

    • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

      Should be good; Deadpool’s got a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which is rare as hell.

  • tigeraid

    Also Double Good: NEW GRAND MAGUS ANNOUNCED! HAIL!!!!!

  • Waynecro

    Good: They just added a sword (Fury’s Song) as a melee weapon in Call of Duty: Black Ops 3.
    Bad: You can only get the sword in supply drops from the Black Market. The contents of the supply drops, which cost 10 or 30 tokens, are completely random. STOP GIVING ME FLASHY SKINS FOR GUNS I DON’T EVEN USE AND HAND OVER THE GODDAMNED SWORD!!!
    Ugly: Valentine’s day was my and my ex’s anniversary.

    • I’m only capable of enjoying call of duty games for 3 weeks before going insane

      • Vault Dweller

        I used to be the same way, but BO 3 is actually pretty sick! I’ve never enjoyed a COD more.

        Then again, I’ve only had it for like 2 weeks and haven’t gotten to play as much as I’d like- going to binge this weekend.

        • Waynecro

          I only get to play on weekends usually, and I always look forward to it.

        • I had it for a while but I still ended up with the same mental fatigue that every other one gave me after a few weeks

      • Waynecro

        I agree with Vault Dweller. Black Ops 3 is far more enjoyable than previous Call of Duty games. The combination of dashing/double jumping and each character type’s two special weapons really increases the game’s playability. I feel like there’s more strategy involved.

        • Vault Dweller

          Exactly; there are better options for customizing your loadout and it lets you develop a true ‘playing style.’ Choose a distance you want to excel at and go wild!

          • Waynecro

            Nomad’s H.I.V.E. >>>>>

    • Vault Dweller

      Oh god, that god damn sword. I was just playing with my brother last night, kept seeing people running around with it… and stabbing my face. Why am I so bad at COD?

      • Dubs

        You need to vape more.

      • Waynecro

        I’m not so great at it either, but I usually have fun trying. If nothing else, it takes my mind off more important stuff I get sick of thinking about. I’m going to make a strong effort to get that sword this weekend.

  • EsusMoose

    Happy Birthday Deuce!
    Good: Weekend, due to less classes I have a lot more free time, I’m less stressed and have looked into learning a few more songs on either bass or guitar just to heave myself into a intermediate skill level on one of them. Made some awesome chicken this week. Pretty sure tonight is drink and binge on wings but haven’t decided.
    Bad: I may have less classes but one is a theoretical course and it’s awful.
    Ugly: Half the week I felt like I had to piss at all times, it seemed to be that I lived in the bathroom.

    • Vault Dweller

      Drunken wing binges>>>>>>>>>>>
      Vomiting Urethras <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

      • EsusMoose

        I ended up chugging ponds of water so it seemed more natural that I had to piss at least once an hour

        • Owlswald

          Ponds of water = forcing you to hand wash more often = winning.

          • EsusMoose

            I have eczema on my the back of my hands, so they became a nice scarred wasteland of flesh quickly due to how dry they became

          • Owlswald

            I have the same issue. Cetaphil FTW.

    • RustyShackleford

      WINGS 4 LYFE BRUTHA!

      • EsusMoose

        #SMDBD #BleedBlack #HonorSandwichDetermination #hashtags

  • Owlswald

    Good: I’ve started working out an actual gym doing CrossFit and Strongman classes and have dropped 7 lbs while increasing every lift across the board. I’m hooked.

    Bad: Changes in the social circle for myself and the Mrs. We are down to one other known couple to double date with after one has relocated and another called it quits. Couple that with the fact that we’ve lived in Portland for 10 years and its sounding more and more enticing to uproot and move to sunnier pastures.

    Ugly: Fucking homeless taking over all Portland parks. It’s out of hand.

    • Waynecro

      Congrats on the physical fitness, dude! Keep it up!

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

        ..

    • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

      Shit, homeless people, especially the junkies were all over the parks when I visited in ’96. I can’t stand Portland, but maybe I’d think a little different 20 years later. Hated Seattle as well when I was there.

      • Óðinn

        The west coast has mild winters. I think many homeless people move west because of the weather.

        • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

          Good theory, but moving when you’re homeless ain’t cheap. This isn’t ‘On the Road’, lol.

          • Óðinn

            Some States and cities will actually buy bus tickets to other states for homeless people or the mentally ill because it’s cheaper than social services.

            http://m.digitaljournal.com/article/316520

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            That I didn’t know!

      • Owlswald

        It has gotten straight fucking out of hand now. Our current Mayor basically said they can’t be arrested or removed from public spaces so it’s god damn shantyville all over the city now.

        • Hot Throbbin’ Bio Slime

          No surprise there!

  • Vault Dweller

    Good: It’s a motherfucking 3 day weekend. Hail dead Presidents. Life is finally settling down. My bed bugs seem to be dead as Dillinger. My roommate found a temp. home for the ferrets while we find a place to live that will accept them.
    SHIT IS LOOKING UP.

    Bad: The roommate is somehow lazier and messier than I am. It feels weird being the ‘mature, clean’ one in a living situation. I’ve had to step my game up to compensate a little bit.

    Ugly: The ‘ex’ leaves the country on the 23rd. Going to spend one last weekend with her before she leaves next week, after which I’ll be reduced to a quivering husk of emotions. Breaking up sucks, even when it’s amicable.

  • GOOD: It’s my gawt-dang birthday today!
    BAD: I’ve been working my fucking ass off all week, staying late and busting my ass to finish my company’s website redesign. I wanted to take today off to just relax, but the deadline for the website got pushed up and fucked my plans. I’ll also have to put in some time this weekend on the website, too. So my planned relaxation for my birthday and birthday weekend is utterly fucked.
    UGLY: I have to go out to some dave and buster’s arcade/bar place tonight to celebrate my birthday along with my girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday. I hate bars, especially ones that get packed.

  • happy birthday, HM-Deuce! i agree with you on this: it’s an honor to be on the writing staff of such an excellent blog.
    Good: really been enjoying the mint lately and WOW has it made me a happy individual!
    Bad: all us single souls on valentine’s day let’s not focus on this corporate holiday; but do something fun with friends and turn it into a Good weekend. i’ll probably be on Facebook making fun of @lmd666:disqus or something

    • Waynecro

      Being single on Valentine’s day = saving a goddamned fortune on gifts

      • Dagon

        Plus swooping up the disillusioned womyn

        • Waynecro

          I’ve heard that can work.

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

    Happy b-day! I’m not that far behind ya (35 on St. Patrick’s Day), so don’t feel too bad.

    • No bad feels at for me, it’s all good.

  • COAL GROHL

    GOOD: it never gets old saying mailmanbro
    BAD: I’m really busy at work and can;t play on the toilet all day
    UGLY: Loafy won’t shit because its so cold out so we have to set up a newspaper landing zone in the basement.

    • Owlswald

      I’m really busy at work and play on the toilet all day anyway. Something tells me my productivity is suffering..

      • COAL GROHL

        mine did, so I had to stop

    • JWEG

      My parents’ elderly cat Pumpkin quit going outside to do her business around the change of season from Autumn to Winter last year. Since then they’ve had a litter box – or more accurately a litter tub because she’s also lost her ability to aim downward somehow, necessitating high ‘walls’ – which sits downstairs near the back basement door.

      The good news is as of late she’s been going outside more frequently than usual. And when I say going outside I do mean ‘going’ outside. Problem is at her age it’s hard to unlearn bad habits completely…

      …something I got into tons of trouble for suggesting reminded me a bit of my father. :p

      • COAL GROHL

        Loafy is a 5 yr old pug. He’s just lazy AF

        • JWEG

          A most accurate name then.

          There was a couple on the Price is Right (yes I watch the Price is Right, no shame) this morning who gave a shout out at the Wheel to their little dog “Breakfast”.

          I suppose it saves time when calling him to a meal in the morning.

          • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

            thats a dope pet name

    • EsusMoose

      I didn’t know Loafy was a pet and thought it was your loofah, context clues eventually corrected me

    • Waynecro

      My dog usually refuses to do his business outside when it’s raining. The little dork won’t go anywhere else, though, so he usually suffers until he summons up the courage necessary to do his business in the rain.

  • JWEG

    Warning: some nerdy shit right here.

    Good (Done): after some solid days of effort my write-up of the Needs Analysis Part of my Thesis is done, barring a little more detail in the Introduction. The end-goal is a Resource Collection for persons with Spina Bifida and/or Hydrocephalus, and I forgot to define those conditions (duh). I suspect at least the External committee member will ask for some detail, especially if he’s (or she’s) not a medical professional.

    So-so (in Progress): The technical bit (Synthesis of the Needs Analysis). I have a conceptual ‘design’ of the Resource Collection: it won’t just be links on a page, but rather like a library catalogue describing each resource through select metadata (subject, keyword, authority, location, etc.). I just have to sit down for a week and set up three things:

    1) a template for all Resource Cards and a method for applying a uniform set of tags onto said template. Obviously the ideal candidate is XML and an XML schema.

    2) an interface page so that each ‘catalogue card’ is searchable according to the metadata cataloguing standard I’m following (RDA); and some pathfinder pages (a “subject guide” for instance) linked from the interface page.

    3) I’m also thinking each ‘card’ ought to have some way for catalogue users to comment on or discuss the resources with other members of the community right there. Kind of like Disqus, but probably not. I’ve only ever seen Disqus on blogs, and this will be a traditional website (excluding that some part will be written in XML rather than HTML).

    Ugly: Nothing. Yet. The mad scramble between this Draft and my Examinable Draft (projected for one week in mid-March) may drive me into a state of over-caffeinated yet pale and zombie-like stupor though.

    • also good: The Chair is becoming closer to finishing!

      • JWEG

        I’ve been so patient on that one. It’s right up there with The Void on my list.

        I’m also waiting on a bunch of films involving Jessica Cameron (as lead, supporting actress or in some cases director) since she started teasing them at least a year – in one case three years – ago. I understand getting distribution for an indie horror film can take ages, but her constant posting teaser trailers from year-old blog posts for stuff I know has been making festival rounds for about that long has me literally ‘this close’ to jumping off her bandwagon and just focusing on other aspiring directors instead.

    • RustyShackleford

      Damn. And I thought my undergraduate English thesis was hard…good luck man!

  • Lacertilian

    Good: Organised a poker, swim and pizza night with 10 friends tonight.
    Bad: I’ve stipulated the winner of each hand must have a shot. I usually go well at poker so I might die, Joe informs me.
    Ugly: Me on 3 hours sleep after last night.

    • EsusMoose

      You’ll probably die

      • Lacertilian

        I’m ready.

        • EsusMoose

          Embrace the void

          • Lacertilian

            Meanwhile, I’ll continue to embrace the colloid.

      • Dagon

        He can’t

        I still need to eat this motherfucker’s food

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    GOOD: Four tracks completed for my bud’s project. I finished the first part of the detailed rough outline of my story. Another productive week.

    BAD: While this weekend will be no less miserable than any other weekend, it will remind me that I am going to die cold, angry, and alone. It’s gonna be the coldest weekend of the year too, but not as cold as my dead heart. If I ever grow desperate enough, maybe Randall Thor can hook me up with one of them “anime waifus” (JKJKJK).

    UGLY: My Star Wars obsession I had as a kid has regained it’s unholy grip. I can’t wait a year of Episode VIII. Also; my own lyrics creep me out. They imply that somewhere in my psyche I’m secretly into weird, kinky shit, and being somewhat of a prude, I don’t like it.

    PS: Sunday is DONGday shitpost-athon. I will be working all day, so I’m contributing now.

  • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

    Good: all the vinyl i got in this past week, got some oscar blues ipa.

    bad: gotta work tomorrow (everyone knows ab dat polar vortex, so it should be a super fun day to work outside in the mountains); tapirs (upgraded temporarily from ugly); student loan vultures

    ugly: the smell of my farts after i eat a bunch of these blackeyed peas im cooking

    playing: mare cognitum – phobos monolith

    • more beer

      Those are very good IPA’s! I gotta work tomorrow too. What polar vortex it’s gonna be 65 here.

      • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

        they aight, beer store waant offering me anything new that took my fancy

        how cold i am tomorrow just depends on where im at in the mountains

        • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

          i actually just did a job at the oskar blues brewery the other day

          • more beer

            Nice.

          • Boss the Ross

            Did you get free beer?

          • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

            no, and the lady was a bit pissy. they do have a big tower painted like a can of dales pale ale. p cool

  • BobLoblaw

    Flowers are stupid. Go big or go home.

    Just a quick disclaimer, this is a real commercial that plays in Florida along with the “paying retail is a wakky nu nu”/white porcelain commercials. I hate the little time i spend in that state.

    https://youtu.be/yHTsmTL5ehI

    • more beer

      That commercial is everywhere.

      • BobLoblaw

        The only time I watch television is when I’m on my layover in Florida, judging by the rest of the show void content I thought it was targeting a certain demographic.

        • more beer

          No I have seen it on CNN. There demographic is fools and their money.

          • BobLoblaw

            I dont remember there being so many elderly based commercials on comedy central. I guess fools and their money……might be everywhere.

          • more beer

            Yes they are everywhere.

      • BobLoblaw

        Thats genuinely disheartening to know.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Kohoutek is cancelled as of today. Stay tuned to hear news about my musical future.

    • xXOooOiOooOXx

      The Future of Music is cancelled. RIP Music. 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        It’s a very sad day.

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

    The Good: Another chill week and started putting up my artwork in the room. My roomies, on their insistence, rearranged my room to where it, well, looks like an actual room rather than a storage space/bachelor pad. And between the new Dream Theater and new Myrath, it’s like Christmas morning for me music wise.
    The Bad: Sinuses are going up the wall with the constant temperature shifts and I had blood in my sinuses. I think that’s from constantly blowing my nose, though.
    The Ugly: Certainly not Das Ich!

    http://www.zillo.de/files/news/663/bild1_gross.jpg

  • Getting murky here.

    http://i.imgur.com/QXXSYYv.jpg

    • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

      look at all dem albums

      • There’s a few of them.

        • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

          HH just got in some more of Exercises, so i can finally get one

          • I did see that, glad you can take advantage. I got mine from Poland. Wish I would have waited.

          • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

            pol version not any diff tho. they also sold out of most of the gpod Hate Forest (including the first lp you got), so there goes that idea.

    • more beer

      Hey man I got a response from a certain member of Possessed. On a comment I made like a year ago on that other blog. Which was way cool. I will leave it at that since he is also a friend. I had to email him and tell him who he was talking to.

    • Total fucking war!

      http://i.imgur.com/SNSigEB.jpg

  • Vladimir Poutine

    GOOD: one of the books I’m working on at the day job is so good it almost makes up for the rest of the load. Got back into fitness and am eating better and getting fitter. Got a date tomorrow who I’m making a fancy-ass dinner for (tapas, bitches). Acquired some thoroughly excellent albums to swell the black metal collection. Lots of stuff.

    BAD: cravings for junk food and beer. Double workload coming up for the next two months because of contract fuckery. Can’t make up my mind about whether or not to go down the grad school route.

    UGLY: the crowd for the Broncos parade this week. Over a million people showed up. A large orange blob taking over downtown Denver. Oh, and a dude at work has bowel issues and won’t, or can’t, stop annihilating the bathroom at work. None so vile, verily I say this.

    • more beer

      The whole city has looked like traffic cones for the last month. I avoided that shit like the plague.

      • Vladimir Poutine

        Seriously. I like the Broncos, but man- people get really worked up about them. More so than I understand

        • more beer

          I’m a Giants fan so I didn’t much care. But yea people have been out of control with the Broncos stuff.

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae
        • more beer

          I remember watching that sitting at the bar with a bunch of my friends.

    • Dagon

      Stay strong on the fitness tip. Don’t cave when the pressure builds.

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

    And decided earlier this week that in April, once it’s consistently warm around here, I’m getting back to jogging and working out. Any advice is welcome, since I have not much of an idea where to actually start. Thankfully I’m a skinny and tiny guy, so it won’t take much.

    http://cdn2.funscrape.com/Images/1/1508853373517024.gif

  • Dagon

    Happy birthday, my dude. You came in later but definitely carved your special place in our hearts. May we bond through NY rappers and sludgy hardcore for many years to come.

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

    Gooder: Twilight Force has signed with Nuclear Blast. #PowerMetalBonerIntensifies

    http://assets.blabbermouth.net/media/twilightforceband2016_638.jpg

  • Boss the Ross

    Happy Birthday Ron Deuce!
    Good: Lucha Underground, look it up, freaking awesome. Heavy Metal, good beer, Peter Boyle and Madeline Kahn.
    Also good: My first Porcelain Post today! Super excited about that, thank you all for the support.
    Bad: Nothing
    Ugly: Nothing

  • Óðinn

    ~~~~~~

  • Óðinn

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • does anybody know how to fix Óðinn’s?

    • Óðinn

      Huh?

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

        I think he means you need to fix your longbutt.

        • Óðinn

          I see. Well, I’ll work on it.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Whatever happened to longbutts? Is there some kind of scientific reason they all suddenly went away?

          • more beer

            They all stopped doing the Jane Fonda workout.

          • Boss the Ross

            Hahahahahahaha!

          • Óðinn

            Probably part fashion styles, part fitness routines, and part media coverage of big round butts nowadays.

            What ever happened to the white dog poop from the 1970s? More beer will know what I’m talking about.

            Any KJM sightings lately. What ever happened to KJM?

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            I (and Flying Spaghetti Monster help me) actually went to Failure For Blogs to see if he was there, since that’s the usual spot people go when they either get banned (which I doubt is the case) or simply quit coming here. And….

            GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

            https://i.ytimg.com/vi/K2PlmKWi1DY/hqdefault.jpg

            It’s every bit as bad as I remember, and they jacked quite a few posts from here and changed the wording. But, sadly no KJM. Hoping he’s OK. 🙁

          • Óðinn

            Huh. I hope he’s okay too. I miss the guy. I didn’t really understand what happened. He posted some things that Joe deleted. That’s all I know.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Not much of an idea either on the whole thing. Sucks not having him here.

          • Óðinn

            Agreed.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            Same here. Lol, I’m still yet to know why our new roomie got booted out so quick.

          • Dubs

            Joe didn’t delete anything.

          • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

            ill try and see whats goin on w him

          • Óðinn

            I see. Thanks, W. I don’t know what happened.

          • more beer

            He will be back. I e-mailed him the other day. He said he was just taking a break.

          • ULTRA RARE BLACKBEARD

            i just talked to him again too, hes fine

          • more beer

            I know. I heard from him Thursday.

          • Óðinn

            That’s great. Thanks, more beer.

          • more beer

            No problem.

  • Óðinn
  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

    Finally gave this album a listen on my way back home earlier tonight, and it’s almost the perfect winter walking soundtrack.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5ibULie83E

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae