Flush It Friday: Criminal Records

2499
352
Share:

Howdy there, flushers. Guacamole Jim here; ready, willing, and bent over to give you a succulent dose of chip dip to satisfy all your cravings.

Most of you know how Flush-it-Friday works, but for those who don’t, let me give you an overview:

1: THE BAD: We complain about shit.

2: THE GOOD: We follow that up that shit with some good shit that has happened to us.

3. THE UGLY: We provide detailed descriptions of horrifying bowel movements resulting from bad eating (or something equally as disgusting). [Editor’s Note: This third step is news to me but I’ll allow it!]

For example:

THE BAD: Some of you probably already know that I got myself into some relatively serious legal trouble. I wasn’t able to contact my lawyer, due to A) not getting on the ball soon enough, B) him being preposterously busy, and C) the police not doing their work, resulting in nothing being available to my lawyer in the first place.

THE GOOD: My lawyer is a fucking champ. He managed, between Wednesday night and Thursday morning to A) get the disclosure, B) talk to the crown and negotiate with them, and C) get me the absolute minimum sentence.

THE UGLY: I was so fucking stressed on Wednesday, I said “FUCK THIS DIET, BITCH” and ordered a large pizza with hot sauce. Throughout the next day’s trial, which went exceptionally well, my bowels were screaming “WE INGESTED HOT SAUCE YOU MOTHERFUCKER” at me. As soon as things were wrapped up, I made my (very) sorry ass down to the courthouse bathrooms and commenced a vigorous punishment of the unsuspecting toilet.

Twice.

 

 

So now it’s your turn. What do you need to flush? What kind of streak-free toilet bowl returned? And what the hell did you manage to ingest that gave your bowels the spirit of Aku? Let’s bitch this shit out.

 

(Image via)

  • Mother Shabubu III

    The bad: Humans still exist. Impending doom is ever nearing.

    The good: I found this awesome band, http://semantikpunk.bandcamp.com/album/abcdefghijklmnoprstuwxyz

    The ugly: I cut my lettuce, now I look sixteen again. And I feel really ashamed of my masturbatory habits as of late.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I’m trying to help out with that first one, I’ll check out the second one, but you’re on your own with the third one.

    • The Bestest Tapir

      It’s 2015 and we still have humans on this planet? Wow!

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Talk about a failure.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        Goddammit Nibiru, you had one job!

      • They’re stupid and resistant. Like flies.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          It’s illegal to be a human in Finland. That’s why both of the Finnish guys here are animals.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Wintersun update: Kai Hahto has left the band temporarily, because Nightwish. And Time II is 80% complete. It will, however, absolutely not be finished if Wintersun doesn’t get their own rehearsal place/studio.

    • Meh, I honestly don’t care anymore

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        I never did, but I see it as my responsibility to share this knowledge as I know some here do care. I do like Hahto though, big time.

        • Kai Hahto is a good drummer. That’s the only instrument I cared in Wintersun besides the solo in Winter Madness

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Hahto is crazy.

    • The Bestest Tapir

      Wintersun ain’t worth it without Hahto.

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Timo Häkkinen (he’s the new guy) is actually quite good. And Hahto wouldn’t show his chops in Wintersun anyway.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          He ain’t gonna show them in Nightwish either.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Of course he ain’t. I wish he’d join a good band again.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I’ll probably listen to the Dawkins parts from their album.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            He appears on a couple of songs. Just talking.

  • I would like to flush all the dirty unscrupulous motherfuckers on eBay who reseal vintage vinyl and tapes and sell them as “new/factory-sealed.”

    …you dirty pissants.

    There’s no good and the ugly is when I file claims against you. Fuckers.

    • Brock Samson

      That makes me angry just reading about it

  • Brock Samson

    The bad: I go to school in central Phoenix and with all the Super Bowl shit happening, it makes it almost impossible to make it anywhere on time and find parking that isn’t 20 dollars.

    The good: Because of said Super Bowl, I have Sunday off from work

    The ugly: My father-in-law is flying in tomorrow to stay for a while. Very ugly

  • Tyree

    Hey Dip, Sorry to hear about that man. Legal problems are the fucking worst. I dealt with them for almost two years and had to spend a fuck ton of cash on my lawyer, the court, and all the counselors and classes I had to go through. Good luck to you sir, I’ll drink as many beers as I can for you tonight. Cheerz!

  • DDubya.

    Huzzah: Got my statistical models finished today.

    The bad: It’s supposed to rain tonight, and I have to walk 10 minutes to my car in a bit.

    • Guacamole Jim

      When I was your age I had to walk 30 minutes both ways up hills across a mountain through a pit of bears to get to my car.

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        I’ll let you in on a secret. You were never in danger. Bears don’t dig Guacamole. ‘Cept me, but I’m a Beargod.

        • Guacamole Jim

          It wasn’t that I was afraid of being eaten, it’s just a damn inconvenience. Bears can be dicks.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Tell me about it 😉

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Riah Sahiltaahk, Riah Sahiltaahk, Riah Sahiltaahk! It’s here!

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    The bad: I’ll be honest, there’s a ton of people out there that have shitty things happening to them. In light of this, I feel silly complaining about things like 70 Euro PS4 game prices and such.

    The good: For a change, I’m here at the Terlet at the time when things happen, not 12 hours later when I start my work day. Also, completely unrelated, the missus and I are attempting to make a sex tape this weekend for private viewing when one of us is out of the country for a few days. Excited about it, sorry if that kinda thought grosses some people out.

    The ugly: Erm, all those shirt stains we’re bombarded with (keep ’em coming)

    • Guacamole Jim

      … I’m not weirded out if you’re planning to share with the Toilet…

    • Brock Samson

      I can help….with…uh…..pointers. Yeah, pointers.

    • Stockhausen

      Dude. Have fun with that.

    • kudos to you, kind sir. i could never NEVER look at myself doing… that. in fact, i’m not positive i haven’t yelled “DON’T LOOK AT ME!!” to my partners in the past.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I would never want to make a sex tape. It seems like a terrible idea. I do like sex but not enough to film it.

        • Further Down the Metal Hole

          Well what’s got us interested is viewing what we usually do from the other’s perspective. Curiosity, I guess.

          • Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case pussy?

          • Further Down the Metal Hole

            We’ll see if I kill it!

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

          My wife and I made one in our early 20s, before we were even married (it’s on VHS!). It’s sort of nice to look back and see what we looked like when we were skinny and wrinkle/grey hair free.

          • EsusMoose

            Thankfully you’re safe because only the elderly would still have a VHS player that isn’t collecting dust deep within storage

        • Well, it’s very serious from a security point of view. You have to hide very well your merch if you don’t want to see your wiener hanging in the web.

    • Good luck and Have fun with the tape 😛 It must be kind of stressing to do that kind of thing.

      • Further Down the Metal Hole

        I hope not, going to try and keep it as natural as possible. It’s going to be more about seeing the “usual” from the other’s perspective.

  • Tyree

    Bad: I’m still hungover.

    Good: I’ll drink away my hangover in an hour.

    The Ugly: I’ll be hungover tomorrow.

    • Guacamole Jim
    • Further Down the Metal Hole
    • The next Good: drink away the hangover on Sunday.

      (if anyone knows how to not get hungover on Monday, please let us know…)

    • Drinking this evening, I hope to wake up not hung over.

    • Renan Ribeiro

      And you can tell everybody… that this is your sooong

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bzoyVKZaL4

      • Edward/Breegrodamus
        • Renan Ribeiro

          This remix is awesome.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            AWESOME. Despot needs to drop his “debut” album already, fuck. See also: Swift & Changeable w/ Ghostface and MF DOOM.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            Actually there is not a single rap album I’m looking forward to the most than Kendrick Lamar’s next platter.

            I like big posse cuts like that. This is great too, but the rappers are way more mainstream.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU4OIAYwo5g

          • Lacertilian

            I hope there are some MAAD type tracks on it as opposed to that recent I single.
            Could not digest.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            I definitely felt like that at first, but then it kind of clicked. Definitely some of his weaker material, though.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            His material is still better than No Limit Records. All the rappers on that label not named Master P are shit.

          • Lacertilian

            Ghostface did a surprise gig at the Toastface Grillah in Perth on his recent tour over here.
            Revocation toured there around a month before and uploaded all these photos of it, might have been the catalyst.

  • The bad: the fucking bulls can’t seem to beat Shitty teams yet they beat all the good ones and it Fucks with my head.

    The good: I’m enjoying the crap out of the resident evil remake, fuckin Barry.

    The ugly: I have no idea how much longer I will have my job because they haven’t told us even though they clearly know.

    • Scrimm

      RE!!

      • DDubya.

        RE4 is one of the best games released in the last 15 years. Serious.

        • Totally agree, gonna be playing it again shortly

        • Scrimm

          Yes but also the beginning of the end for me as much as I liked it.

          • DDubya.

            RE5 was just a bit too over the top. haven’t played any of them since.

          • Further Down the Metal Hole

            RE6 was fun, admittedly. It wasn’t really a Resident Evil game, but it was fun.

          • I enjoy it for what it is. A great action game with resident evil characters guest starring.

          • Scrimm

            5 was good but the horror was abandoned by that point so it was a different game imo.They ruined what was so good. 6 just sucked

          • DDubya.
          • Scrimm

            Ridiculous.

          • I heard if Chris and sheva only have a knife there is a completely different ending battle/cutscene. Can anyone confirm this?

          • Scrimm

            I don’t know but it’s possible. most of them had things like that. There was a lot of hidden stuff in the original.

          • Capcom pls…

          • Further Down the Metal Hole

            Most believe thing in a game ever, classic.

          • Gurpationment

            Not gonna lie, this is one of my favorite things in a videogame ever.

        • Further Down the Metal Hole

          Wrong one, but fuck it, cool moment. (We’re all here because of Leon)

          http://i.giphy.com/13Bg9atZzWdQzu.gif

          • DDubya.

            Mr. Scott Kennedy!

          • Ashley is annoying as fuck though. “Leeeeeeonnnn haaaaaaalp!”

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Are there any cheat codes for RE4? I suck at video games and just want god mode & infinite ammo the whole damn time so I can finish it.

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      My bro is coming over tomorrow, we plan to get stuck into the remake together. Should be a ton of fun, feels like back when I was 11 years old (the time the very first one was released) and shat my pants.

      • This was actually my first time playing resident evil 1. I had only played 4, 5 and, 6. I just s started revelations last night.

        • Further Down the Metal Hole

          Play the original. It scared the hell out of me back then, but it has its lolbuttz moments. To this day my brother and I will exchange that crucial dialogue scene in the dining room. I just lose it when Barry says “I hope it’s not CHRIS’ blood”. Bad acting at its best/worst.

          • That’s what the remake is. I’ve beat it twice with Jill, contemplating if I should play as Chris or bring up the difficulty another notch with Jill

          • Scrimm

            Chris is tedious because he can’t carry SHIT

          • Well fuck Chris in that case

          • Scrimm

            Yeah it’s bad enough with Jill, he can only carry six items. Constant backtracking, it was the single worst thing about the game.

          • I hope the modders on pc mod in re4 style inventory to re1

          • Scrimm

            It’s hard to remember but I think there was an item you could get that upped your capacity but I may bethinking of later installments.

      • nah, you guys will be fine. it’s very beatable.

        • Further Down the Metal Hole

          I’ve seen a few playthroughs on Youtube a few years ago (invisible enemies mode looked utterly ridiculous). It’s enough to have played the original countless times, there’s not too much that’s different, really.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Bad: I got the fever, and if shit happens I’ll end with the same as Jim.

    Good: I don’t think shit will happen. The fever has passed and I have a 4-day long weekend.

    Ugly: I bought a new mirror.

  • The bad: I’m really tired.

    The good: I’m going to sleep for like twelve hours tonight and nobody can stop me.

    The ugly: I’m ugly.

  • Scrimm

    Bad: Still nothing more on the job front, Van Halen

    Good: Back to recording off after a memeber had to go to namm.

    Ugly: Much like Tyree I will also be hungover tomorrow.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Bad: I’m hungry
    Good: I’ve heard rumors about a Rainbow reunion for this year
    The Ugly: The Patriots

    • Guacamole Jim

      Eddie plz

    • The Bestest: you can solve your hunger issue with TACO BELL!!

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I already ate some Italian food though.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    The Bad: It’s supposed to snow like hell this weekend, specifically on the one day I have plans.
    The Good: I bought tickets for a live taping of Doug Benson’s “Doug Loves Movies” podcast that isn’t until May, so I won’t have to worry about snow for that one.
    The Ugly: Yo mama

    • Lacertilian

      Some of those DLMs are funny as fuck, others just lose me completely.
      Very guest dependent.

  • Bad: ran over a damn nail yesterday.
    Good: work is rewarding, you people are nice.
    Ugly: I’m completely covered in this bullshit:

  • Stockhausen

    I got a call a couple days ago to play a church gig this weekend, which involves way more coordinating and music learning than is reasonable a this notice. The good news is that I’ll make a few bucks and open up some opportunities in the future. In ugly news, LOL UR FACE LOL HAHA OMG.

  • Guacamole Jim

    The very good: I’m heading off to the mountains this weekend on a very impromptu trip with some buddies. We’re going to snowshoe about and bum around in a hostel, two things I’ve never done before. Wish me luck, brethren!

    http://www.gifbin.com/bin/102012/1350490360_guy_jumps_cannon_ball_into_frozen_pond.gif

  • The Bestest Tapir

    Bad: I’m having sleeping problems and it’s way too warm here
    Good: I had my dogs checked and both are healthy. No back problems nor leg problems
    Ugly: Me

    • Guacamole Jim
    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Mesmeria was easily their best since Talvikuningas at least.

      • The Bestest Tapir

        Callisto released a good album as well.

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          I’ve been all over today. I’ve advertised it in the ToH FB group and am writing about it.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Three great albums were released today. ‘Tis a good day.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Was Westerlund released today?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Yes. Love it!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    The Good: I created some awesome sounds last night for an upcoming song.

    The Bad: I don’t have enough music time lately.

    The Ugly: It’s still winter.

  • BLACK MEROOOL. I share the page because I don’t want to embed the number 1 image of Taake: http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1123/the-other-top-10-most-ridiculous-black-metal-pics-of-all-time/

  • 64 Crayons!

    The Good: THIS WEBSITE!!! AND YOU GUYS!!!
    The Bad: I just discovered this place.
    The Ugly:
    http://www.crayoncollecting.com/ccolor24_files/image035.jpg

    • Welcome again, mr. Crayola 😀

    • Guacamole Jim

      64 Crayons for president!

      • cosigned!

        • DDubya.

          GL

          • Guacamole Jim

            GL plz

          • Lacertilian

            My vote is for @linkleonhart:disqus if he runs

          • awww. I can be a minister. Some users here have president potential 😀

          • Lacertilian

            Policies>Leaders

          • Corey Tay Tay

            I vote for GL

          • I would vote for @masterlordsteeldragon:disqus 😀

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Vote for Tapir!

          • Tapir would be a good mayor in our community 😉 doing good (¿?) stuff in the winter nights

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Can I be VP?

    • Tyree

      Crvsty Pvnk

    • Corey Tay Tay

      Welcome.

  • old_man_doom

    The Bad: Women troubles. They are weird and I don’t understand them.

    The Good: Job opportunities keep presenting themselves to me. It is definitely groovy to know that the future is looking solid (I know how un-void that sounds, but it’s true).

    The Ugly: I tried a new Cajun restaurant in town the other night. I had the catfish. It was a terrible mistake and I should have known better.

    • you wanna share your women troubles with us turds? some of us have been known to have potentially ok advice every now and then

      • I have the same advice for almost every situation: Don’t do that.

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          It’s almost unbelievable how well that works in most situations.

        • old_man_doom

          You know what, Joe, I really should have followed that advice about a week ago.

        • Lacertilian

          Similar advice to

      • old_man_doom

        Honestly, dude, I just need to take a break from seeking people out. I think I get way too ahead of myself, which is weird because I’m the opposite of impulsive with everything else in my life. I always appreciate the toilet’s support.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Here’s my advice: Don’t bother with women. I stopped actively seeking relationships two years ago and I stopped wanting relationships last summer.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Here’s my advice: Don’t bother with women. I stopped actively seeking relationships two years ago and I stopped wanting relationships last summer.

    • Tyree
    • DDubya.

      Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It’s like, it’s like why can’t you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know wha, why don’t guys just do that?

    • JWG

      I would have far fewer women troubles if they’d just recognize how great I am without my having to prove it.

      I am not a very good Used Me Salesman.

    • Renan Ribeiro

      I got 99 problems
      And they all bitches

    • Lacertilian

      People pay to eat catfish?

      • old_man_doom

        Well, I did. Never again.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I know that all too well. Women are bizarre and even though they’re usually very pretty I don’t get them. They get me very easily though.

  • I’m flushing snow and my boss. Into the sewage with both of them!

  • JWG

    The good: Apex Predator – Easy Meat

    The bad: Listening to it repeatedly may ruin my hearing a lot sooner than my GP once suggested.

    The ugly: some of that album artwork (but in a good way).

    • DDubya.

      I love that album.

      GL

    • Mother Shabubu III

      I find myself narrating things in Barney’s ominous throat singing now.

      Samples: “I MUST RETREAT TO THE TOILET TO EXPEL SOME URINE. I AM EASY MEAT!”.

      “A MOUND OF HAVARTI ON TWO SLABS OF FOCCACIA. I MAKE GRILLED CHEESE!”

  • the bad: hair is short.
    the good: fully committed to grow it long again.
    the ugly: how the gorgeous nurses in the hospital view me with long hair.

    • JWG

      Having spent plenty of time in (and out of) healthcare facilities – consequent to a congenital medical condition I mentioned late last year; I’ve developed all kinds of appreciation for nursing staff and the work they do. It’s pretty simply summed up: doctors cure diseases, nurses heal *people*.

      Attractive young (lady) nurses are definitely a tremendous bonus. Even if they just see me as a random patient, it’s hard not to enjoy the attention.

      • Renan Ribeiro

        Nurses come from a latin root that signifies “to nurture”. They put the “care” in healthcare. Doctors put the B in B-Dubs

        • this is *my* featured comment.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Buffalo?

          • Renan Ribeiro

            That was terrible, I admit it. For some reason I thought of “BRO”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            It’s all relative

      • i work in a children’s hospital, and the nurses range in age from 24 – 34. i don’t understand it, but i wouldn’t change it for the world

        • JWG

          I like to think I come on just a tad less intensely…

    • Lacertilian

      RE: The Ugly.
      These types of nurses?
      http://youtu.be/Hs5QbUjmtt8?t=1m46s

    • tertius_decimus

      Forget the path to barber shop.

  • The bad: The classes in the postgrade are accumulating with my job (that isn’t getting any better because I got more stuff to edit than ever and I’m alone). I’m starting to feel very stressed from this day. I had to deliver some homework to the postgrade and it didn’t went well because I didn’t have enough time to prepare the document as required.

    The good: I’m still alive and listening music in work. Also, my mom and my fiancée are going to visit me tomorrow and will help me to clean the #LinkCave

    The ugly: I’m very tired (had to change work shifts to night yesterday and today because the classes were in the morning and have only slept 5 hours) and the professor got me four days of delay to deliver the corrected document that got bad grades today. I don’t feel fine to write academic stuff right now.

    • tertius_decimus

      Is this writing process worthy? Back in my study days, professors were demanding alot of paper work just for the sake of paper work. They called it “science research”. We have never seen true science in our institute.

      • Yup. Those pieces will become my pre-project for the final investigation on the postgrade. I need to do the problem, the objectives, the delimitation and that stuff. 🙁

        • tertius_decimus

          Wish inspiration for you to end this job!

  • EsusMoose

    The Bad: I’ve been procrastinating a presentation that I don’t know the subject matter well and it will determine if I get an intern-ship.
    The Good: I plan to eat wings and got drunk tonight. aka Bro-ing it out, while alone, not at bdubs, hopefully without gym shorts because it’s cold.

    The Ugly: I’ll be working on said presentation while recovering from tonight’s binge.

    But this weekend means I’ll be catching up on all the shit you guys have recommended.

  • tertius_decimus

    Bad: my misfortune with employers who don’t know how to rule their own business continues. I got paid $319 for two months of hard working at construction site. 8 m³ of concrete solution in one evening anyone? I even woke up feeling myself ok next morning. Learn how to deal with clients, yo, mr. director.

    Good: thanks to music, I’m still alive. As Kurt Vonnegut said, “Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough times of my life I
    can listen to music and it makes such a difference.”

    Ugly: I hate russians. I’m russian myself. And ukrainan too. Confused? In English there’s no difference between russian and russian. The word “россиянин” means the citizen of Russia and “русский” indicates nationality. In any east-slavianic language it makes huge difference. By nationality I’m russian and by citizenship I’m ukrainian. GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY COUNTRY, YOU HATEFUL PILES OF SHIT! The house where my grandmother lives (she’s 88 years old) received damage after atrillery attack. By the village there’s damn frontline. It’s easy to eat your pizza sitting in the Moscow while you’re talk shit about how Ukraine has no history, has no right to exist and is the part of Russian Empire. Stupidity of these little pawns who support Putin’s propaganda is beyond borders of observable Universe. Carl Sagan’s words weren’t heard for sure.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PN5JJDh78I

    • Respect. You’re one of the most respectful members of this community. #ShowingSupportToTertius #YouRule!

    • EsusMoose

      I hope your grandmother is fine, and that Russia ceases its current activity of trying to flex its power.
      I have a friend who works in construction but usually under the table and has been screwed a few times because of it. I doubt I’d be able to do that level of physical work and not end up sore for a week.

    • i say this with utmost respect: you’ve got it pretty rough. i hope things improve!!

    • The Bestest Tapir

      Russia is kinda evil. I’m hoping that they won’t start an another war with Finland.

      • tertius_decimus

        Hopefully not gonna happen. Their plan is: Ukraine → Moldova (Pridnestrovye) → Belarus → Kazakhstan → Georgia.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          Hopefully Russia can be stopped. These restrictions are doing shit.

          • tertius_decimus

            Unlikely. Common sense isn’t what one can find in russian mentality. Every nation has certain principles which reveal their mindset and strives for the better but russians never had solid view on the direction they wanna go. They struggle to find so called “national idea” since the beginning of times. It’s in their history and geography: they are neither Europeans nor Asians, they were always torn by these two extremes. It creates confusions and disaarays on so many levels that living on a knife’s edge becomes only way possible and when they realise their lifes still suck no matter what, they’re ready to destroy foundations in order to build something new.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            They seem a little arrogant at times as well. Just saying, from an internet point of view.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            And then there’s Putin. That crazy bastard ain’t doing Russia, or anyone else any good. An old man following the wake of what he saw as a long line of greatness, desperate to leave a similar mark of his own on the world. Too megalomaniac to see the restrictions of reality. Wanting to lead Russia to what he sees as greatness, wanting them to be a superpower. Insane.

          • tertius_decimus

            Old Soviet school of spionage, nothing new here. People don’t change. Being a man of USSR, he wants USSR back. He claimed many times that split up which happened in early 90s was the biggest failure in the history.

            Bottom line is USSR was the golden cage for its citizens. They didn’t starve but they didn’t have any freedom of choice.

    • Gurpationment

      The Facebook group is always active if you’re stressed out!

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    Coincidentally, I went to see my lawyer after work today to attempt to expunge a thirteen (13) year old criminal conviction from my record. Hearing is in April. I hope we win.

    It’s my weekend off work and hell, I gave two week notice to that ol’ second job anyways.

    I’m probably going to take in some music, properly start a post for the site, do some reading, see some friends, etc etc etc

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      Good luck, Ed

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        Thanks Virgil. Appreciate that.

    • tertius_decimus

      Yikes!

    • like Virgil said, good luck d00d!
      you just gonna enjoy more free time, or find another job?

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        Thanks Jimmy. I’m going to enjoy some more free time. My schedule since last April was pretty life crushing. Granted, I signed up for it, but now I unsigned up for it, lol. I may be totally out of work in another month or two (I’ve been yamming about it on here for awhile) so when that happens I’m going to take a month or two and then start looking for the perfect job to have while I’m in graduate school. My life in a nutshell there.

        Also, in case you haven’t followed each of my comments on here this week, made some real progress in the dating world.

        • Renan Ribeiro
          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I wish I could find a perfect .gif of a guy chewing snus tobacco and listening to weirdo heavy metal.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            Just make a video of your regular activities. I actually think some ToH member GIFs are in order. Having those would be nice.

        • yes i seen that! totes jelly. by committing to growing my hair back, i’m almost assuring my exit from the dating world (yeah, that’ll be my excuse!)

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            How long are you thinking? How long was it?

          • this was august 2014… approx. three years of growth:

          • Renan Ribeiro

            I grew my hair at the wrong age. I actually think long hairs are pretty cool but when I had it I was only 12. I looked like a chubby Portuguese girl 🙁

          • tertius_decimus

            The best time to start growing it again is now.

          • …and take biotin. aids in hair and nail growth… and doesn’t fvck around

          • Renan Ribeiro

            It ain’t gonna happen with daily temperatures of 32, 35 C for the whole year hhahaha

          • tertius_decimus

            I had hair as long it almost reached the middle of the spine and it was LUSH. Girls were very envious. With such a lion’s mane I felt ok in 45°C summer heat. Such warm summers aren’t unusual here in Ukraine.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            Cool. Is that true for the whole country or just for parts of it? I know that there is a team in Donetsk which pretty much filled with Brazilians and they all complain about the cold there. There’s so many guys from Brazil in the team that coach learned Portuguese to talk to them.

          • tertius_decimus

            It’s true for far eastern regions like Lugansk and Donetsk. Lugansk is the warmest and coldest city in the country due to specific geographic location. Donetsk has slightly mellower climate because it’s closer to the sea.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            I would definitely like to visit Ukraine sometime. Most of Eastern Europe, actually, more than the Western part of the continent.

          • Scrimm

            Do it! you’ll catch up to me in about 8-10 years.

          • tertius_decimus

            Do you cut it from time to time? Growing hair this long takes just 1.5 years for me (maybe lucky?). Photo taken in October, started growing Aug 2013.

          • Mother of pearl! Lucky indeed.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            It kinda depends on whether you can also grow a beard, these days.

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          I haven’t made progress in the dating world since 2013. I flat out gave up on it recently. It’s not worth it.

          • that’s the exact attitude that’ll find you a broad! its when we try the least that we achieve the most (Jimmy 6:66)

    • Renan Ribeiro

      I somehow do not appreciate the fact that I haven’t had any legal quandaries yet. I just hope when they arrive they’re not medically related, because I’ve seen many great doctors take huge hits after legal action.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        Renan what types of legal quandaries should you be having… ?

        • Renan Ribeiro

          None, probably. I’m pretty “boring” in that sense. I do, however, feel like I am completely unprepared to face possible law suits. I hate anything law-related, specially juridic text and vocabulary. I’ll either have to smart up or be completely dependent on a good lawyer.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Yeah, if you face legal stuff you’ll need a lawyer and hopefully you have a good one. Insurance is also required in the medical field so you’ll have that too, i.e. malpractice insurance and insurance companies generally have good lawyers. I wouldn’t stress too much about a possible future lawsuit, though.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            If I stay in Brazil I’ll probably be a lot more relaxed on that matter. Things haven’t picked up here to the point of being an industry like it is in the US.

            Also, the fields I’m into are not that dangerous legally. Good thing I never wanted to be a plastic surgeon.

  • Stanley

    The Bad: At the airport finally. I use off site parking and jump on the shuttle bus to the airport. Half way to the airport I realize that I left my phone in the car as I was jamming that Exgenesis for the millionth time. After circling the airport and picking up arriving passengers we head back the car park. Mad scramble to car to get phone. Jump on shuttle back to airport. Make it just in time. Stressed as a badger.

    The good: Surf City Half Marathon to run on Sunday morning followed by BBQ and Superbowl (although not really interested in the latter, others will be).

    The Ugly: I don’t get to drink heavily until Sunday lunchtime. I hate dry Fridays and Saturdays with a passion!

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      Why do those days have to be dry?

      • Stanley

        See the Good. Running performance is inversely proportional to beer consumption. It’s one of those rules of the universe things. Don’t question it or you’ll end up in the porta pottie. That been my least favorite type of toilet. This being my favorite. Alright, planes about to take off.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Oh, lol at my non-reading

          • Stanley

            Forgiven. Alright, the planes really taking off now.

  • Lacertilian

    I actually just cleaned my toilet after getting out of bed, then came immediately to the laptop to find this article.
    Thanks & I wish you well with your case Dip!

    • tertius_decimus

      HAHAHAHA! Evening’s funniest comment for sure! Completely lost my shit. 😀

    • broilet

      • Lacertilian

        please elaborate detective.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    Gotta get down on Friday homies

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0

  • BLXKKBEXRD

    The good: We survived another week.
    The bad: There’s a whole other week.

  • Glock Jim forgot to include a cute video.
    The BEST:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuEOKtpUOl4#t=67

  • Dan Wolfson

    The Bad: Shitty fucked up snowstorm
    The Good: I’m going to be writing for Toilet ov Hell
    The Ugly: Playing a show tomorrow and feel like absolute shit dicks

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    I’d like to flush someone. This has been a long time coming so I’d like to flush Lance Storm. That prick is an awful wrestler, person, and a blight on the good name of Canada. His anti America stables are abysmal and he somehow got Jim Duggan to turn his back on America while in WCW. Fuck him with a giant cactus.

  • The Bad: The tendons in my foot are fucking in pain and I’m going to end up spending a shit ton of money tomorrow.
    The Good: The money is going to be spent on paying various fees for apartments. I’m finally narrowing down the places I want to live.
    The Ugly: My allergies have decided to rip off my pants and go in dry. I keep sneezing and my eyes are pouring burning water.

    • Lacertilian

      I used to have tendonitis when I played cricket during my teens.
      It fucking sucks, no amount of braces or whatever they’re called seemed to help.
      Even just sitting around is tough because you forget how much twitching and small movements you make to keep comfortable.

    • I feel ya, I’ve had bad sinuses since I was a kid, and just learned to deal with it. I hate those days when I can feel something building up in the back of my nostrils. I keep blowing my nose over and over, and 3 days later, BAM! It’s like giving birth to a fucking milk dud out of my nose. It’s second only to kidney stones (which I’ve had several times).

  • Call the Slambulance

    Bad: I’ve had an extremely long day, having had biked in the rain to class, then biked in more rain to a bus stop after the fact, then embarked on a 9 1/2 hour work day. Needless to say, I’m cranky as all fuck.

    Good: I got rad shirts in the mail, one of which is a dog in a hammock with the caption, “it’s all good,” and the other being a Dead shirt.

    Ugly: It’s not all good because my roommate is a worthless cunt. I came home to a group of people in my apartment, cooking a ton of food and running a ton of electricity. They left a massive mess, but only after the motherfucker said, “Sorry for the mess, we didn’t have anywhere else to cook,” as he walked his ass out the door. So I spent the next few minutes screaming and keeping myself from punching things. Fuck today.

  • Call the Slambulance

    Also, Guacbro, I’m really glad there’s an upside coming from your misfortune. I myself have had quite a bit of legal issues, and they are not fun to deal with. Keep on keepin’ on, man!

  • JvRv

    THE BAD: I had to go to the doctor and it was cold and I got a bunch of shots and blood taken and was poked in not nice places and am not going into the void any time soon 🙁

    THE GOOD: My little sister made First Chair Red Band All State for Bass Clarinet for the 6th year in a row. She has been dominating these other lifeloving posers since she was in 7th grade. What a champion.

    THE UGLY: High strain, low reward. Much disappoint.

  • The good: Friends, some beers, and some good tunes,
    BAD: My grandmother passed away last Saturday, and learning all the details wasn’t good. Hallucinating (talking about my grandfather who passed away 19 years ago sitting and talking to her, amongst other things), and learning she was starving herself to death for quite some time. I finally started talking about it with a friend last night.
    The Ugly: Tom Fischer with 80’s hair?

  • Gurpationment

    The bad: Went to the orchestra last night, sat in the third row from the front, forgot my ear plugs, am hoping no damage was done.

    The good: Anderson Silva is fighting tomorrow night and I’m gonna drink a ton of beer on Superbowl Sunday.

    The ugly: Winter isn’t over yet.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  • In bad news, Katherine Ludwig (Metal Maniacs editor and founder) passed away. Goddamn, that mag was a treasure trove and a gateway to extreme metal before the interwebs took off. Metal has lost one of it’s greatest ambassadors!

    http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/former-metal-maniacs-editor-katherine-ludwig-dies-after-battle-with-non-hodgkins-lymphoma/