Flush It Friday: Big Swangaz and Vogues

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Welcome back to the greatest part of the week: Friday afternoon. It’s the longest possible time before more work! Let’s ride this thing out together.

Statistically speaking, most people do not live in Houston, Texas, so let me share a taste of 3rd Coast culture with y’all: The SLAB. What is a SLAB? SLAB stands for Slow, Low, And Bangin’. It’s a term used a vehicle that’s been customized for maximum dopeness. Picture an older car that’s been lowered, has a candy paint job, big ass subwoofers, deeply tinted windows, and fly rims. The rims are essential, and in the South the most coveted rims are called swangers (or elbows, or pokes). You can read more about swangers here (it’s an interesting read). These distinctly pointy rims have been immortalized in the chorus of one of my favorite 3rd Coast rap tracks “N Luv Wit My Money”:

 

BAD: Anyway, some fucking butthole with swangas on his ride slammed into my parked car the other night and fled the scene. S/he later abandoned his/her completely destroyed SLAB and the car owner is claiming the vehicle was stolen when the crash happened. If the car was truly stolen, I am utterly boned insurance-wise. Hooray public transportation!

GOOD: In two weeks you can find me in San Diego hanging out with Pumpkin Baby and boy-wonder Christian Molenaar. If you’re in the neighborhood come hang out at the Maeth show! Peep the dates and see these dudes in a hood near you.

Maeth TourUGLY: Probably Pumpkin Baby IRL (j/k – he looks all handsome).

 

You know the deal. Share your grief below and follow it up with a good vibe. We’re all in this together.

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  • CyberneticOrganism

    GOOD: I wrapped a huge project at work this week and the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. I immediately begin a new project with the same client next week. Go me. I also decided to use a recording guitar tone that I already know works instead of starting from scratch and stressing out over it like a lolbuttz. Bought tickets to Cold Waves.

    BAD: Not being recognized at end of said project for my contribution, most of which was put into finalizing details that were completely and utterly ignored. Fuck work now and forever.

    UGLY: My reaction if I have to spend any more time at my desk today.

    http://farm1.staticflickr.com/68/229426131_bd4a0eddd4.jpg

    • I hate not getting recognition for work. During research for a debate, I essentially did everything. I wrote the introduction, the detailed statement, the conclusion, the annotated bibliography in APA format (there were probably 100 sources we used), and I did most of the speaking and the rest of the team got the same grade as I did. My jimmiez were rustled so hard.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I feel ya man, they called up the entire team, me excluded, and thanked them for their hard work. I could have easily gone up there too but I figured they’d say “Oh and let’s thank Cybernetic Organism as well since he developed all the materials,” but nope. Fuck every one of em.

    • No recognition is why I’m getting out of my current situation.

    • that 25 pedal shootout on geargods was pretty sweet, yeah bro?

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Yeah I still need to watch the whole thing all the way through and decide if I could really use one. I love the sound that a lot of those have by barely using any drive; I prefer a slightly cleaner tone and a couple of those might be perfect.

        • I wish I knew what the fuck amp they used. I have an old as fuck JCM800 that’s pretty raw and sounds a little like that..but it definitely needs a push to scream

          • old_man_doom

            I would kill to have a nice 1980s 2203 right now. I need to nail those Remission tones.

        • old_man_doom

          Low gain master race

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Sexy String Snap Superiority

      • old_man_doom

        I wasn’t a huge fan of it. I appreciate the effort, but I always thought that the guy who demos stuff for geargods has a pretty poor tone for all the videos.

    • Lacertilian
      • CyberneticOrganism

        Was just talking about that scene, srs

        • Lacertilian

          I just rewatched it yesterday so it was fresh in my mind too.

      • CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

        ……

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    GOOD: I won my criminal expungement case. Got the news this week. Unless the state appeals their loss, my records will be sealed in less than sixty (60) days.

    GOOD: I got on the list for promos for Handshake, Inc.

    GOOD: I’m seeing False, Gnawed, Cloud Rat, and others tonight, for free.

    UGLY: Lots of great, exciting music came out in the past forty eight hours and my eardrums are paying dearly for it.

    • Keegan Lavern Still

      Fuck me, I wish I could make that show tonight. Dwindled finances and school have made me their submissive slllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllut.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        There are a few coming up I’d really like to be at. If you’re going to make it down to one of them let me know!

        • Keegan Lavern Still

          I’m definitely making the Primitive Man and Celeste show, whenever that it; I’m not fucking missing that. I know that Full of Hell and the Body are coming around sometime in early June, same with this year’s iteration of the Metal Alliance tour. Nice chance to see BCI again and catch Svart Crown for the first time. I’m forgetting some, but I have not the energy to remember.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            I was thinking of skipping The Body because I am seeing them in NYC in early June, but I also really want to see Full of Hell so I want to go to that. I’ll have to see what’s up with my job search and if I’m employed and or working early but I want to see Primitive Man and Celeste bad, too.

            Plus Death Grips!

            Plus maybe The Vomit Arsonist in mid June, he is playing this sweet looking noise fest in Minneapolis over a Friday and Saturday, so I’ll have to see when he’s gonna actually play.

          • HessianHunter

            The Body/Full of Hell is actually rather soon, in May. I know this because I’ll be on the road and will miss it.

    • Tyree

      Good for you man! That’s a load off! I know that feeling.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        I got the email from my lawyer on Wednesday and I shit you not I fucking cheered in my condo. My roommate was like “wat”

        • Tyree

          I’ll drink beers for ya duder.

    • Nice, sounds like you will have an excellent weekend.

    • Dagon

      I’m really happy for you, man!

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Fish God, thanks man. It’s a big step forward from some old ass shit.

        • Dagon

          That’s good stuff. It will give you a lot of clean headroom whether you notice it or not.

    • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

      Well done Edward, nice to see that.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Glad to hear it! I can’t imagine how good that must feel.

    • Damn, Ed, sounds like you had a good week/past two days.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Joe I’m totes jealous you get to hang out with Pumpkin Baby and C Baby at the same time. I’m probably gonna see Pumpkin Baby tonight!

    • Take selfiez!

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        I’ve blown two opportunities for Toilet Ov Hell selfies, with Slamz aka Call The Slambulance and Pumpkin Baby. This situation needs to be remedied.

        • HessianHunter

          DOOOD Gotta get a sweet Hexagon selfieeee

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Dude, we have to, for the blog.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I wish y’all would come up to Canada 🙁

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Canada and Minnesota aren’t that far apart, but Canada is pretty big lol

          • Guacamole Jim

            Canada is pretty close to many states, but that’s across a decent width of land mass.

  • Tyree

    The Good: MDF in a few weeks!

    The Bad: Rap.

    The Ugly: I seem to poop a lot! It’s really ridiculous.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™
      • Tyree

        Terrible.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™
          • Tyree

            I mean, I don’t go out looking for it because I’ve never heard anything I liked..

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Fair enough. Maybe one day I’ll get lucky and catch you in a weirdly adventurous mood. Until then we both have Weregoat.

          • Lacertilian

            should have tried some Liquid Swords.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            I feel like Tyree might get into something more avant garde given his taste in metal…

          • Lacertilian

            Fair call.

        • Sorry Tyree, here’s the best we can do. Lots of metal references in this song.

          http://youtu.be/hI_nQGjAcqA

    • CyberneticOrganism

      …then I get tired.

    • I read they are bringing charges against 6 cops for that guy’s death in Baltimore. Looks like you are in good shape now.

      • Tyree

        Yeah, I read that. Glad some justice is going down.

  • The Beargod

    Good: Today was a holiday (first of May, dumbasses) which means I’ve been drinkin’ since yesterday. Good times.
    Bad: Unemployment tends to sorta suck the joy out of having a holiday.
    Ugly: I’ve been drinkin’ since yesterday.

    Also: Tapir was right, tippaleipä perseessä autto heti.

    • Sir Tapir the Based™

      I know from experience.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      drop the bread my ass Autto immediately?

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        *funnel cake in the ass helped immediately.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          you crazy finns

        • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

          @joethrashnkill:disqus, remember that thing I said to you and Masterlord about Karhu behind his back? I was dead on, apparently.

          • The Beargod

            What did you say to Masterjoe behind my back about me?

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            I believe it was, “He’s a sexual deviant. Probably into scat play.”

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            That’s common knowledge, dude.

          • The Beargod

            Oh well, carry on. As you were.

          • nailed it

    • tertius_decimus

      Since when you’re unemployed?

      • The Beargod

        Basically for a month but I was only working for 3 months so… the beginning if last summer.

        • tertius_decimus

          Dude, dude, knock at all doors, no matter what. Someone will open it for you. Believe me, it works. Having changed 7 jobs in a row during 1 year timeline, I’ve learned that lesson.

          • The Beargod

            Luckily I got my eyes on a couple of positions I might be able to snag.

          • tertius_decimus

            Let’s hope it’ll work for you! I wish you to find the right, inspiring, suitable job.

          • The Beargod

            Thanks man

  • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

    Bad: Randall Thor’s cat’s Facebook page.
    Good: My wife has been cracking me up lately. She’s a funny lady.
    Ugly: My handwriting.

    • Tyree
      • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

        That is an ugly cat.

        • Tyree

          It’s a dead cat.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            That is an ugly dead cat.

    • I heard they are no longer teaching kids to write in cursive anymore.

      • I have used cursive zero times in my adult life.

        • nbm02ss

          The chicken scratch that is my signature is kind of cursive.

        • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

          I personally use cursive whenever I can, the results are not pretty but it’s so much faster.

        • Tyree

          Christ, when I sign my recites at the bar It’s not even cursive. It’s aa inverted lowercase t and a pentagram.

        • My signature starts with an “R” and the rest is pure scribble.

        • Guppusmaximus

          I decided to make a signature out of my initials because my handwriting was worse than a Doctor’s.

      • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

        I mean, I can understand why. Most things you submit nowadays are typed.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Good, it’s a pointless skill. Learn your signature and that’s it.

    • Dagon

      My handwriting is p bomb. It’s not fancy by any means but it’s extremely readable.

    • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

      At least you probably don’t have dysgraphia, like me. I’ve said in the past I have to use a laptop for writing in lessons and exams.
      It probably isn’t that bad.

    • Well, you’re a doctor, bad handwriting makes sense.

  • Good: Only one week left of school. I finished up all my papers and projects late last week and I’m pretty happy about that. I was going to go film a music video for my friend’s band the last two weekends but it has been raining. Hopefully I’ll be able to do it this weekend. I tried Mellow Mushroom’s pizza today and fell in love with it. Time to get even more fat now.

    Bad: I can’t really think of anything bad this week.

    Ugly: I had to swallow my own vomit in the middle of my World Civilizations II class today. I didn’t have time to eat breakfast and thus my stomach acid was pissed because it didn’t like my allergy pill.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Mellow Mushroom is bomb. Miss that place.

  • HessianHunter

    V excited to shove Joe into the locker we’re carrying all over the country in our van.

    • You can try.

    • OMG I KNOW YOU! YOUR THAT GUY!

      • HessianHunter

        …wut

        • I’M SURE I KNOW YOU PUMPKIN BABY HUNTER!

          • HessianHunter

            You live in MPLS?

          • UES

          • HessianHunter

            Ha, well I’m that Viking Matt Damon looking dude who rides a bike to basically every show that happens in town and I drum for bands sometimes and I’m drunk all the time. dafuq are you?

          • Dagon

            A Day In The Life Of The Pumpkin Baby.

            Would watch/10

          • HessianHunter

            It’s a running joke that I never sleep and am somehow everywhere ar once in town. Work 50 hours a week, 12 hours of band practice, go to 1-3 shows a night, drink a bunch, race bikes, chase skirts. I only have time to write if I fuck around at work, lol.

          • HessianHunter

            A buncha people know my face even if they don’t know me personally.

          • I? I’m Geddy Lee.

    • HessianHunter

      Look forward to a TROOLY EPIC SELFIE from Dr. Molenaar, Yung Joe and myself, probably while drunkenly night-swimming on the beach

      • Dagon

        Joey, Chris and P-Baby skinny dipping in starry California night.

        I need a drink now.

  • Joe, could you teach me to thrash and kill?

  • Scrimm

    Good: Finally picked up Dragon Age.
    Bad: Work tonight, closing, and work tomorrow. Can’t look at my schedule for next week either cause their stupid website aint workin. Missing precious studio time die to late shifts. Also wishing I was in Texas this weekend for Texas Frightmare Weekend. Can’t forget about the tragedy that was Silent Hils either.
    Ugly: There was a full trailer for the new Phantasm shown at a screening of the original last night, but no sign of it online yet. been waiting for over a year.

    • Silent Hills bummed me out too. I’m also super excited for the new Phantasm movie. The only information I have about it’s release date was David Hartman saying that is would for sure be in 2015. Either way, I found a couple interesting looking horror films in the vein of Cannibal Holocaust: Devil Hunter and The Mountain of the Cannibal God.

      • Scrimm

        That’s still wat they are saying, I don’t think they have a distributor yet. there were hints last night that a new box set of the series on blu ray will be coming soon. Can’t wait.

        • I’ll insta-buy that shit. I only have a VHS player because the only copy of Phantasm II I own is on VHS.

          • Scrimm

            I still have all my vhs tapes too but I bought the blu ray of part 2.

    • Tyree

      New Phantasm? Fuck yes!

      • Scrimm

        Yeah they shot in in secret over the last few years, There are a couple teasers out there, but a lost of what is on them is test footage and unfinished effects. It is by far the most independant of the series, I believe almost completely funded out of pocket but the filmmakers. As long as the whole cast is there I know it will be great. I talked to all of them about it last year and their enthusiasm gave me a lot of confidence in it.

    • old_man_doom

      I think Mondo/Deathwaltz (or maybe it was Waxwork?) is going to be releasing an awesome limited edition version of the soundtrack on vinyl soon. I’ve been on a horror score/soundtrack binge as of late.

      • Scrimm

        It is for sale at the convention this weekend. I’ve heard rumors of summertime for the rest of us.

  • nbm02ss

    Good: It’s Friday biznitches! Treating myself to a bison steak dinner and Avengers later. Pretty much goin’ on a date with myself.

    Bad: Losing all my Grooveshark playlists.

    Ugly: Almost running over a bicyclist on my lunch break. Fucker had the gall to yell at me when it was his ass who came head on into my lane around a blind corner. Fuck this college town.

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

    The bad: Had a pretty bad fever since last saturday, it sorted itself out a couple of days ago but right now my lungs are about 90% mucus, my family fears for my life because of the coughing.
    The good: Dat Ranger band. Finally got “good” (a pretty liberal usage of “good”) at GW2 PvP, for all that’s worth.
    The ugly: My sister dyed her hair, you can guess the result.

    I seem to have a very boring life, haven’t got much to say on Fridays.

    • If you want to get rid of the mucus, lay off the dairy products. Drink plenty of water and squeeze some lemon juice. That will you heal up a little.

  • Keegan Lavern Still

    Good: I’m so drained from school I can’t feel feels anymore. Also, I have a special spoon set aside for when I finally decide to castrate myself when of all of the research I’ve never been interested in doing gets to me again. I also made myself buffalo chicken and buffalo fries for a late lunch/early dinner.

    Bad: r(47) = -.366, p = .01; r(9) = -.666, p = .05; r(38) = -.429, p = .007.

    Ugly: I’ve inadvertently become semi-fluent in statistics. I also might go marry marry night night again tonight.

    • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

      Marry marry night night Keegan is best Keegan.

      • Keegan Lavern Still

        Part of me wants to invade the dorms but most of me doesn’t, for fear of date rape and people realizing that: A) I do, in fact, speak and am human; B) I am a complete and utter silly fool.

    • Keegan Lavern Still

      And now I’ve realized that my one insignificant correlation was the most metal I’ve ever had. I feel like that’s supposed to mean something…

      • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

        Looks like you got good results on r(47) and r(38).

        • Keegan Lavern Still

          And thank fuck for that. It was a project on gender and practically none of us had any statistically significant correlations for the males (r(9)) since there’re practically none of us in social science courses.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            I really hate spending a lot of time on a paper/idea only to end up with statistically insignificant results.

          • Keegan Lavern Still

            I remember a an old classmate of mine having that happen to her for her Capstone research project; she had seven participants total, and the data between all of them couldn’t have been more inconsistent. She was cursing about it for a solid month.

  • Good: My son is hangin wit grams tonight so Daddy Deuce is going out to hang with the fellas. Job search started this week and I have some nice leads.

    Bad: i have an itchy rash on my hand and it’s annoying as fuck. Trying to figure out how to get rid of this shit.

    Ugly: Saw a recent pic of Jonah Hill

    • Dagon

      Just grab some over the counter hydrocortisone pomade and you’re fine.

      • I’m trying to get rid of it naturally but I may to resort to this. If I could get to the beach and get some salt water and sunshine, I’d be good to go.

      • LOOK AT YOU, ALL BEING A DOCTOR AND SHIT.

        • Dagon

          HAHAH I have received countless calls from friends. Most of them are either “can I drink while taking ______” or “dude, how long do I have to wait for a period to come?”.

  • Sir Tapir the Based™

    Good: I decided to replay the Mass Effect trilogy. Oh man I love those games.
    Bad: people are happy because of a holiday
    Ugly: I imagine that my anus is not pretty. I’ve never seen it, so it could be beautiful.

    • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

      I played Mass Effect 2 some time ago. I wish I didn’t.

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        I think you should change your name back to Shrimp ov Bad Opinions.

        • Shrimp in a Pizza Box

          Many people do, sadly my basedness keeps me bound to this Pizza Box.

      • Vladimir Poutine

        I’m with Tapir on this one. ME2 is probably my favorite game of all time.

    • Mass Effect is such an amazing series. I think I’ve played all three about ten times now.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Mass Effect >>>>>>

      Renegade FemShep + feeling bad about my in-game actions = many nights drinking too much to relieve the guilt.

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        I wish you could choose your race in Mass Effect 4. I wanna be a Krogan!

        • Vladimir Poutine

          I have a feeling that if you could be a Krogan, it’d be a similar experience to when you become The Tank in Left 4 Dead multiplayer. Except it lasts for hours and hours.

    • Lacertilian

      Doesn’t matter if it’s pretty..is it metaphysical?

    • Guacamole Jim

      I miss U bb. You should be more ubiquitous.

      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        How can you miss me when I’m here, you silly goose.

  • EsusMoose

    Good: Gonna see Chance the rapper tomorrow.
    Bad: Too much school to do, too much weight is on these projects/programs/assignments and I can fail. Don’t worry there’s only two more weeks you’ll see this, then it’s the healthy habit of drinking to deal with it.
    Ugly: the cleanness of my clothes. I’ve gone 3-4 weeks without washing my clothes. My final shirt is a slightly tight mastodon blood mountain shirt, so I’ve had the oh hey mastodon comments

  • Tyree
  • Maik Beninton

    Good/Bad: My college is at strike again and it looks like it’s gonna take a while till classes come back.

  • Spear

    Good: two finals lie crushed and broken behind me. Two more cower at my approach.

    Good: MDF is soon!

    Good: Got a show with a lineup that isn’t entirely shitty tomorrow!

    Ugly:This MDF trip is going to obliterate my finances.

    • Tyree

      You going to MDF Spear!?! I had no idea.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Part of me thinks I shit the bed on my NY trip and it should have been MDF.

      • Spear

        Unless something drastic happens, that’s the plan.

  • JWG

    Good: the “Summer” semester begins just after this weekend. With Labs starting in the second week that means I’m back to a (low) paying position after having no source of income for all of April. Coupled with a larger MITACS Grant project I’ll be starting later this Summer that should take a major weight off my shoulders.

    Unfortunately, the Bad (and ugly) might derail one or the other, if the worst case scenario turns up. I still have signs and symptoms from the fever I complained about last week. I’m now a bit worried that the headache I had at the time is not actually fever-related but rather, that the fever is (indirectly) headache-related, as it’s starting to transform into the kind of headache I get when there’s a problem with normal flow of CSF.

    Last week I made a sort of flippant remark when complaining about the headache that I have a high tolerance for head pain due to my condition (hydrocephalus). It’s starting to seem like that is actually the root cause of it, though, as it’s now more of a widespread dull pressure-headache than the sharp stabby one I had before. I have a newfangled magnetic shunt that I’ve had since it was a prototype just over a decade ago, so if it’s just a deviation from the normal CSF pressure that can be adjusted non-surgically. If, however, the fever is a sign of an infection somewhere in the works a revision is unavoidable.

    I am going this afternoon to see my GP to mention my concerns, and get a referral to my regular neurologist/surgeon so he can assess whether I’m just being paranoid or not. It might just be an over-reaction to seasonal allergies for all I really know. I hope so.

    • Dagon

      I hope you’re right about the seasonal allergies and the over reacting. Upvoting for good vibes.

      Ps: this magnetic shunt must be really cool. I’ve only seen those horrendous peritoneal derivations. Those are no good :/

  • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

    Those rims look like overcomplicated Boudica’s

    Warning, the shit I’m sharing is stuff I’ve been harping on about for weeks now (I.e. fueds with dickheads, how that made me dick some good people around and Computing) so, yeah sorry for the repetition

    THE GOOD: I managed to have the first good conversation with someone in some time. Bearing in mind this is one of people I fucked over my self, so I didn’t expect things to go well (mostly due to me wanting to assassinate the 4 fuckheads who pissed me off), but it went decently enough, some good humor, decent laughs, and surprisingly (for me at least) not very awkward.

    THE BAD: 2 things:
    1: (EMO ALERT: This may get whiny, depressing and begin to read more like a lyrics sheet for a TBS song more than a FIF post, so for that I apologize.) On the contrary, I could have had a similar chance to solve this shit with someone else. She was a really good person too, nice, well humored, liked metal (although admittedly, it was poser metal), played good video games, thought Deadpool is awesome, etc. Hell, before the whole feuding shit started I (this is where the emo shit starts btw) started to get feelings for her, and strongly considered embarrassing myself in attempts to get with her, she really is an awesome person. And then the feuding shit started and it quickly put an end to my hopes for that to ever happen. Anyway, as I was going home, she was there, at the bus stop. I wanted to explain myself and try to make it up to her, but deep down I realized that I am an awkward fuck who would probably make things even worse. And now I feel shitty because of it. God shit like this sucks, and makes me want to kill the arseholes who started this to begin with.

    2. Computing. I could have had a lie in today, but instead my computing teacher talked bullshit to me for an hour. He really is a terrible teacher.
    THE UGLY: I have an opticians appointment tomorrow, which means I might need glasses. I just hope I don’t pick the nerdiest ones I can pick if I need them.

    Right, depressing bullshit over, apologies for it, but I needed to get it off my chest.

    • Guacamole Jim

      That shit’s rough dude. Glad to hear about the “good” though!!

      • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

        Yeah, I’m glad this is getting better, but god it is getting pretty shit before its getting there.

    • but dude picking the nerdiest glasses will be so ironic!

  • Maik Beninton
    • CyberneticOrganism

      Ha ha ha ha

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Well, he should not have been wearing earbuds.

  • that pauwall/chammillionaire joint ain’t represent shit till it be screwed & chopped playa

  • nbm02ss

    Some of the worst atrocities against man kind comes from the car scene. Don’t get me wrong, if it makes you happy then fuck what other people think, but I also believe in function > form and jesustittyfuckingchrist those wheels are horrible to look at and can’t serve any real purpose, at least without Ben-Hur chariot spikes on them.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Good: Saw Avenue Q last night with some good buddies, which was a blast. Going for Dim Sum tomorrow with same buddies, then watching the BIG BOXING MATCH (I know nothing about boxing, but was invited out and I like hanging with friends and drinking beer, so meh).

    Bad: Haven’t been sleeping well lately, and I’m paying for it by decreased performance at work, irritability, and just general asshattery. Here’s to a good sleep this evening.

    Ugly: My new mutton chops. No more admiring glances from foxxy ladies and jelly coworkers. Feels good, man.

    • THE BIG BOXING MATCH would have been a hell of a lot better had it happened when both fighters were in their prime. Pacquiao is over the hill and Mayweather will only fight people he can beat. If the odds weren’t so shitty I’d put every dime I have on an easy Mayweather win.

      • nbm02ss

        Pacman is getting decisioned, but I’m still watching the fuck outta it.

        • I’ve wasted so much money on Mayweather PPVs over the years just HOPING he’d get tapped. I’m done. No more for Joe Joe.

          • nbm02ss

            Yeah, fuck paying for it. 3-5 years ago? I’d shell out some serious $$$ to watch it, but not now.

            If there was ever any truth to Manny roiding, he better be juiced to the gills for this fight, because Mayweather’s defense is too good for where they’re both at in their careers.

          • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

            Before this, I thought people gave up on boxing a long time ago, much less put any kind of money on it.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Awww, that kinda makes me sad. I was rooting for Pacquiao (the people I’m watching it with are Filipino, so I have no choice). Oh well: beer.

        • You should mainly root for Pacquiao because Mayweather is an asshole.

          • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

            And a wifebeater. There’s that. And he is training Justin Bieber.

      • Oh, wait, shit, Mayweather vs. Pacquiao is actually happening now?

        • Guacamole Jim

          Tomorrow, dude!!

          • Wow. That one did not come up on my radar. Back when I was still a huge MMA fan that match would get tossed about and talked up like the second coming of Jesus Christ, and now it’s actually happening… Hot damn.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            I’m more excited for Kimbo Slice vs Ken Shamrock in June on Spike.

      • Paris Hilton

        Mayweather is all about the $$$$$$ rather than the fight! He’s a business man now. He’s the Kerry “Burger” King of the boxing world!

        *flush*

      • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

        Mayweather actually said this week that he’s better than Ali and Leonard. I would’ve loved to see him fight Ali in his prime, and watch him get his ass folded up like so much cardboard and tossed around like a rabbit turd in a centrifuge.

    • Oli Fucking Sykes, Son.

      This boxing shit is getting pretty annoying now, I was asked about the Boxing match by someone in my English class, well in between his ill-informed rants on why UKIP are better than the Green Party, despite me telling him that I know fuck all about boxing, he still pressed on. God, the only good thing to come out of it is this (other than the fact that it came from Unilad of course).

      https://www.facebook.com/uniladmag/videos/1306636609359395/?fref=nf

    • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

      May Pacman leave Mayweather’s butt cheeks looking like your’s did a week ago (but less sexy and more on the ass just got kicked side).

  • Good: Going to roll some coal with my kid tomorrow at Day out with Thomas.
    Bad: I THOUGHT work was slowing down a bit so I can relax, but NOPE!
    Ugly: I’m almost certain that the drain field at my house has failed.

    • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

      What’s a drain field? Like the kind you use for larger farming?

  • tertius_decimus

    Bad: still not recovered after bike accident.
    Ugly: nothing ugly (and that’s good).

    Good: the more time I spent with my new friend, the more I love her. Shit, I’m in love again!

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Man, love ❤

    • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

      Go get her, tiger! 😉

  • Dagon

    BAD: there won’t be a single week I’ll be able to say “I got nothing to do right now” until 2016.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      2015? Or 2016?

      • Dagon

        Oops

        Sneak edit FTW

  • Mother Shabubu III

    GOOD: Got two shutouts in a row, new goalie skates, finally switched over to shopping at Whole Foods. Life is cushy right now.

    BAD: Allergy season is ramping up; heavy blowing-induced nosebleeds and Vicks-covered tissues everywhere. Also I had too much caffeine today, so I have a headache and liquid dumps.

    UGLY: Bored at work so my co-workers are playing the “if you could pick any person of the same sex to do it with, who would it be?” game. They are both gossipy girls, one, so on one hand if I answer it legitimately it could bite me in the ass. On the other hand, if I don’t, I will come across as a homophobic jerk, no doubt. Dilemmas…

    • Dagon

      Just say Josh Homme it’s allowed by the IM NOT GAY Police.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        Nothing wrong with being a Hommesexual. Lots of people are.

        • Dagon

          Agreed.

          The Ginger Elvis is a beacon of shining sensual light.

        • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

          I’m bi. I don’t really talk about it because it’s not a big deal to me or anyone I know, but yeah……..

          • Mother Shabubu III

            I’m hetero, but shit happens.

            I just feel like I need to know people’s sexuality because I’m a nosy fuck, but at the same I don’t care if they are homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, or whatever they classify themselves as.

          • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

            Thankfully it’s far better and far more accepting than when I was growing up. People around me couldn’t care less when I’ve told them.

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Yeah the climate regarding sexuality is definitely changing more and more. I think people are naturally getting used to being themselves, part of it is forced by the “accept us or else” vibe going on, part of it is because of the growing “Sexodus” (men retreating from women).

          • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

            And the right wing has done more than anyone to let it be accepted, by showing just how far flung their logic is when they rail against it. At times, the more you try to go against something, the more attention and energy you’re actually giving to it. Take this example, and it’s very recent:

            http://metro.co.uk/2015/05/01/politician-who-voted-against-gay-rights-outed-on-grindr-5176213/

          • Mother Shabubu III

            Extreme right wingers and extreme left wingers scare me in a Hitlery way. I can’t believe we haven’t evolved a friendly middle ground between right ideas and left ideas by now. There comes a time where it’s needed to put aside personal beliefs for the greater good of the overall.

          • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

            Ever notice that they alot worse once George Carlin died?

  • OldMetalHead

    The picture reminds me of Spy Hunter (theme from Peter Gunn plays in background).

  • old_man_doom

    Good — I finished my TESL training this week. I am now a certified teacher of English as a second language.

    Bad — Trying to find new housing in my area. It’s fucking expensive here on the central coast, and my jobs are not very high paying. Not sure what to do.

    Ugly — Got in a car accident last weekend. My front left wheel is fucked and it’s gonna be a week and a half before I can get the car back from the collision place. At least my insurance is covering it (sorry Joe). But I have to pay for a rental until mine is fixed. Goddamnit.

    HOWEVER, new Goblin has got me hating life less.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiYpjnho6Ew&index=2&list=LLaCtNkMNe_AD6E0J3MrNnqA&spfreload=10

  • sweetooth0

    GOOD: Maryland Deathfest coming soon! Avengers 2 this weekend! Mad Max next!

    BAD: Spent too much money partying and buying records and shit in the last while so now I have to live as a sober hermit until the fest.

    UGLY: Had to select people to lay off from my department, then sit in separate meetings with each of them where they get their letters of termination, because my boss wants to re-structure and we don’t have budget to bring in more staff for positions he wants. Now feel like giant asshole.

    • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

      The Ugly part sounds EXACTLY like Up In The Air. Which has got to be a shitty position to be in in real life.

      • sweetooth0

        Like that, except some of them just got demoted, so now I will still see them everyday as a lovely reminder. The sad thing is they were happy to still have a job, but the department they got moved to is overstaffed also, so a good chance they’ll end up on the chopping block anyway.

        • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

          Hopefully, like Up In The Air, they at least give you fuckloads of air miles!

  • Paris Hilton

    ART

  • GOOD: NEW AVENGERS! CAPTAIN AMERICA! J;ASLDJFOAIJSDNAFKJDFJKAJ

    GOOD: Listening to music I already discovered I liked instead of trying to jam 30 new records in a week is strangely uplifting.

    BAD: Fuck finals.

    • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

      Looking at the trailers for the new Avengers (I haven’t even bothered to see the first one. Guardians Of The Galaxy FUCKING RULES though!). Saw that about a week or so ago. Ultron has hubcaps on his head, and as much as I respect James Spader, it was definitely a bad pick for the voice. It makes Ultron sound like a gay hipster art professor, and I was expecting him to either sound robotic or like Nivek Ogre (Skinny Puppy).

  • Vladimir Poutine

    The Good: job search is making progress, I have less than a week to go until I’m done with my undergrad, I’m getting a little more money and a lot more responsibility at my existing job, a friend gave me a nice vaporizer as a graduation present.

    The Bad: being without a vehicle means it’s very difficult to visit a dying relative, which is why I’m in Maine in the first place. But whatever. Not having a car turns out to have a lot of benefits besides that.

    The Ugly: the experience of listening through this “20th Adversary of Emptiness” Demilich collection I got. But in the best possible way.

  • BLOODBEARDE

    The Good: No work tomorrow. Booze-fueled Dark Souls 2 marathon ensues. Also been taking my swole game to a whole other level.

    The Bad: Fucking condescending cunt who works for the police dept that I did a job for this morning. Didn’t turn out so hot. She calls me at 6PM and, during her berating me, goes “I didn’t know I was gonna have to be there to hold your hand.” If I didn’t like this job, I would have driven back down there and smashed that cunt’s windshield.

    The Ugly: The first job I did today was a dog kennel. Lady brings her dog in, big old purebred labrador. Has a seizure right there in front of us. The dog is okay. Also tapirs.

  • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

    The good: Chill week as usual. Got the Bestias De Asalto interview finished and submitted, and just waiting for She Past Away to get done with answering the interview questions (this one is a bit longer) and can submit that bad boy. Got a couple more I’m gonna try to wok out, but we’ll see. Gots ma tendies, my brewz, and a Bahama Mama all up in deeiz biatch for tonight!

    The bad: Ben E. King, who sang Stand By Me, died, and BB King’s pretty much on his deathbed. 2 more of the roomies are moving out, and they’re super cool. Dunno the whole deal, but hopefully they’ll still be able to kick it here and there, Oh, and missed Lunatic Luao tonight since tickets were sold out a while ago. Testament, Exodus, Slayer and then fuckloads of lolbuttz (Papa Roach and Halestorm for example).

    The ugly: Not Tapir. Tapir represents all that is beautiful, sunny, cheery and lifeloving in this world. And opposite of ugly for the week (Carolina Marconi, Venezuelan model):

    http://usercontent1.hubimg.com/7492460_f260.jpg

    • Are those, uh, goth interviews? (This chick needs to stop shushing me RIGHT THIS INSTANT!)

      • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

        Brutal industrial, and yes some cold as hell Turkish goth rock band who sings all in Turkish. Feliz Navidad!

        • Turkish Goth Rock? What’ll they think of next?

          Yeah I think you posted a youtube clip for that Turkish band some time in the recent past. It was pretty chill.

          Do you write freelance, or . . .?

          (You can shove your Feliz Navidad until it’s actually Christmas–at which point you can shove it again!)

          • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

            I spent quite a while in music management, promotion and management years ago, and getting back into journalism slowly. So yeah, freelance I suppose. I’ve interviewed ALOT of bands, and worked with and met plenty of them.

            And you can rasca mi huevos, penochita sin pelos! 😉

      • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom
  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    Good: Work, my grandpa turned 90, I get paid this week, Queensryche and GWAR are coming to my area

    Bad: Missed Testament/Exodus, family parties

    Ugly: The album Piece By Peace from a fake version of a band I like.

  • Good: My total savings on my Fry’s Club Card today were $6.66. Not only is this the most metal thing that has ever happened to me, but I also welcome it as a sign of THE END.

    Bad: Took me ten fucking minutes to dock a beer truck at a resort this morning because some cunt in a flower van cut me off, clogged up the docking corridor and got me all jacknifed up the ass. (Maybe I should just learn to drive one of those things already.)

    The Ugly: My driving, I guess.

    • BLOODBEARDE

      Fucking cunts.

      Wtf is a Fry’s Club Card

  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    Am I the only one excited for the Kimbo Slice-Ken Shamrock fight in June? I’m hoping Ken whoops Kimbo’s ass and makes him submit so hopefully Ken Shamrock can face Tito Ortiz again.

    • Lacertilian

      Is Ken Shamrock still wrestling? Or is this a real fight?

      • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

        It’s a real fight. It’s not for any reason other than giving people a show though.

        • Lacertilian

          so just standard boxing?
          He must be like 50 or something now.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            No, it’s an MMA fight. Bellator is putting it on. The undercard has a match for the Featherweight title between Patricio Pitbull vs Daniel Weichel and a Bobby Lashley-James Thompson fight. I’m excited for the Lashley fight as well as he’s a much better MMA guy than Brock Lesnar ever was. He’s 12-2-0.

          • Óðhinn

            Yup. 51.

    • Óðhinn

      I don’t really follow MMA anymore. At some point, it just became too douchey and bro for me. When Pride went away, I was really disappointed too.

      My brother still likes MMA. He says that people aren’t excited because these guys aren’t athletes at the top of their game. Shamrock is over 50 years old now, and Kimbo was a street fighter who came to the sport late. Kimbo is 41 years old now, so he’s not particularly young either. Kimbo also lost a lot of his appeal after he lost that fight to Petruzelli. It’s a bit of a “has-been vs the never-was” fight. People are saying that Kimbo lacks the grappling skills to beat Shamrock. Shamrock has a strong background in catch wrestling while Kimbo is really more of a boxer. One good punch can always end a fight, but the ground game is an advantage for Shamrock.

      In a way, the spectacle of it was what I liked about MMA in the beginning. What would happen if Mark Hunt fought Wanderlei Silva? That kind of thing. The kind of thing that Pride and UFC used to do. Now that MMA is more of it’s own style, all the fighters seem the same. Plus, a lot of them are just assholes (e.g. Jon Jones). I can’t stand Joe Rogan or Dana White either. They should kill themselves. Bellator is okay I guess.

      I guess I’m curious about the Shamrock / Kimbo fight, but not excited.

      • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

        I’m excited because Bellator usually has a very good undercard when they have fights like this. The undercard on this one is spectacular in my opinion with a Featherweight title fight between two good competitors.

        • Óðhinn

          I see that James Thompson is fighting too. I haven’t seem one of his fights since he fought Kimbo. He seems to have put together some wins of late.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            He’s fighting Lashley of whom I hope wins. I’m sure it will be a good fight between those two.

  • Lacertilian

    Good: Was really looking forward to taking some work induced anger out on batsmen in cricket this weekend.
    Bad: I hit two of my teammates (including captain) with my bowling at training last night, now they can’t play due to injuries.
    Ugly: One of them got me back on the side of my knee and now I can’t fucking walk. I think I’ve done some deep damage, might have to get an x-ray.

  • Óðhinn

    GOOD: Bernie Sanders entered the Presidential race as a Democrat. He’d make a great President.

    BAD: My car is giving me a “check engine” light when climbing hills. I hope this doesn’t get expensive.

    UGLY: MetalSucks ran another story about the lead douchebag from Attila today.
    I need to stay away from their clickbait. It just pisses me off.

    • I’ve been weening myself off the sucks for about a month now. But sometimes I can’t help myself–I just get so fucking bored and I’ve already read everything the Toilet has to offer.

      • Óðhinn

        Yeah, Sucks doesn’t have quality. They do have quantity though.

    • KJU’s Penis Pump Of Doom

      Axl is probably shitting in his armchair at how good Derrick did the interviews.

      Bernie Sanders? I’m voting for Gary Busey!

  • J.R.

    Good: finished the semester Monday so I have been all alone as my pals finished up. I’m watching Better Call Saul with El Lady-o so that’s good.
    Also had an eye exam and my lookers haven’t gotten any worse! No glasses woo!

    Bad: I have not been at my computer so I have missed all these great Toilet articles. Def bad yo.

    Ugly: you.